Caption Competition Mk III

[Hydromet]

Thank you Wensleydale, I'll jump to it and find something suitable.

Have a go at this one.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1566x898/screen_shot_2021_02_23_at_12_20_10_pm_b208a8ba0a8a8484e3262a 477b529b6d1cb5414c.png

[cavuman1]

Banker's convention....

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

"I'll take the ugly ones, Captain!"

[Buster Hyman]

"Oh-we-oh, Ho Chi Minh. Oh look, you've landed in Saigon....Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail, follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail..."

[Buster Hyman]

Thank God we're not wearing Bikini's this time!

https://salsaworldtraveler.com/2020/01/05/faux-bikini-airlines-thai-vietjet-a321-economy-class-phuket-to-bangkok-flight-review/

[Buster Hyman]

Pilots & crew demonstrate the latest incident to investigators, and coincidentally provide approximate locations of each crew member at the time...

[treadigraph]

Whose leg is it this trip, Captain?

[treadigraph]

This is terribly sexist... why shouldn't I wear shorts too?

[treadigraph]

Straighten up and fly right...

[Kiltrash]

Overmanning I think Hoskins

[Kiltrash]

You are all called "Onewinglo"?

[Kiltrash]

All we need is the air stair driver and we can get on board

[Kiltrash]

To celebrate Aviation returning, Busby Berkeley designs a fresh dance routine

[Buster Hyman]

Vietjet crew demonstrate how unpopular it was to close the Cap Com Mk II thread...on the other hand, they also demonstrate how happy Nutty is about it!

[Wensleydale]

Close up Red 4, or you won't be considered for the Synchro Pair! (She prefers the opposition roll anyway).

[Kiltrash]

On the annual " Bring your child to work " day, Captain Flasheart shows how ' productive ' he has been.

[Wensleydale]

The day that the co-pilot managed to Miss Saigon.

[treadigraph]

Their hats are modelled on International Rescue - the cabin crew on the Tracey boys' titfers, the flight deck crew on Parker's...

[NutLoose]

We're a short haul operation..

[NutLoose]

Ok girls, stop taking the piss out of the captain and copilot and give them their white sticks back.

[NutLoose]

We don't need airstairs at Vietnam Air, we simply taxy over to the nearest rooftop and pick you up from there.

[NutLoose]

Welcome you your flight, your captain for today ( and described in sign language for the deaf ) will be Captain wun winglo.

[Dan Gerous]

15 Dollars, love you long time, plus booking fee, and additional fee for baggage.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1566x898/screen_shot_2021_02_23_at_12_20_10_pm_b208a8ba0a8a8484e3262a 477b529b6d1cb5414c.png

[Ascend Charlie]

"OK girls, if you tap your ruby slippers together and say "There's no place like home" you will be transported to Kansas, or at least a better place than standing next to these two idiots."

[Surplus]

Eric was this tall and Ernie was only this tall, The Morecambe and Wise Appreciation Society's annual day out.
(My bad, it was the two Ronnies.)

[Kiltrash]

10 jabs in left shoulder all at once. Have this Airline Covid licked in a couple of months

[Kiltrash]

Nope, still prefer the Virgin Atlantic ad at Gatwick more..

[Kiltrash]

Little steps towards the launch of Hooter Air Vietnam.

[Kiltrash]

....and to prove they were all dressed in corporate colours, the ladies removed their blouses.

[NutLoose]

I'm a little teapot.........

[Kiltrash]

At SBAC 2023 the restrictions on aircraft displays reached new hights ( lows) 😐

[Chu Chu]

Even as they smiled for the camera, many were remembering the fate of the crew that leaned right.

[MPN11]

First Officer Hoskins recalled the happier days when he could look up skirts as the Cabin Crew boarded.

[MPN11]

The new training video demonstrated what happens with auto-throttle asymmetry.

[MPN11]

The airline’s Accountant saved more money by finding a box of old Viet Cong uniforms at tne back of the hangar.

[622]

..and as the picture was taken ...Captain Hoskins realised that the finger poking him in the back....wasn't, Miss Hong was in fact Mr Hung! ...:eek:

[NutLoose]

Sorry dear I won't be home early, I will be hard at it right on up to eight....

[Kiltrash]

As post Covid flights restart, Prince Andrew is enticed on board. Realises too late it was a FBI Honey Trap sting.

[Kiltrash]

I'm a little teapot.........

Ooh Buster where are you..

[Kiltrash]

With 8 hostesses, the pilots night stops have to be in hotel executive suites.

[treadigraph]

The weight of the Captain's wrist watch was to affect the crew's pose for the camera quite significantly...

[Wensleydale]

..and the flight attendants practise their new safety brief which includes the hand signals for "in case another engine has fallen off".

[Chu Chu]

Asked to describe the state of the airline, the crew mimes circling the drain (off camera to the right).

[622]

With the airline closed during the lockdown.....crews forced to become ride height gauges for theme parks.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/780x450/screen_shot_2021_02_23_at_12_20_10_pm_b208a8ba0a8a8484e3262a 477b529b6d1cb5414c.png

The Captain demonstrates how he used to pick up ladies' 'kerchiefs with a wingtip at aishows - the rest of the crew demonstrate that he was nothing special...

[MPN11]

“Gentlemen prefer blondes” ... the Vietnamese version.

[MPN11]

First Officer “20-Minuter” Hoskins was spoilt for choice, as they all looked the same to him. And they all knew how he got his nickname.

[NutLoose]

Vietjet introduce the ho chi mingers.....

[treadigraph]

Illustration from The Ladyboy Book of Aircrew...

[ShyTorque]

Fourth girl back “No, Agnes, cross your legs....we’re only supposed to say “Wheeeeh”, NOT actually do one!”

[c52]

"...and in the unlikely event of a landing in the jungle, at least the cabin crew is appropriately attired."

[cattletruck]

There is one stewardess recruitment test for the pretty ones, and another for the rest.

[Kiltrash]

In Asian countries the bicycle is the main means of transport.
( Cummon we have all pretended to be airplanes when cycling to school, even you at the back )

[Kiltrash]

The Viajet training department show in the queue for the loo there are certain standards to hold.

[Kiltrash]

Engineers need to change a tyre, so to speed things up to maintain departure schedule the crew help hold up the body of the plane.

[Kiltrash]

Copilot ...Why have we 8 hostie instead of the regulation 4 sir ?
Pilot. ..'cause they are only half sized
or
Pilot ...'cause they are all called Neehi.

[NutLoose]

Yuu there, Jerewy Clarkesonman, we no slopes, we no understand were you get that idea...

[NutLoose]

And this is called a flying buttress

[Dan Gerous]

Part of the crews pre-flight check list, was a list to Port.

[c52]

OK, ladies, regulations say your hair has to come down to the hem of your shorts, so let's have you bending over backwards to demonstrate your compliance.

[Wensleydale]

The crews practise for the take-over of Air Scotia.

[Kiltrash]

In case of turbulence the Cabin Crew are trained how to still dispense drinks into the passengers cup. The Flight Crew practice as well to stop their coffee getting onto the engine controls.

[Kiltrash]

Having had a go in the centrifuge the crew demonstrate how their balance is not affected

[Kiltrash]

Before boarding the crew have to pass their sobriety test.

[Kiltrash]

The crew practice Rock Paper Scissors to decide the rota for which Flight Crew gets which Cabin Crew to sit on their laps during the cruise phase

[Chu Chu]

Having won the Ho Chi Minh City synchronized waiters race, the crew begins training for the Sydney race.

[Chu Chu]

After exchanging uniforms for backwards day, eight pilots pose with two cabin crew.

[MPN11]

Captain Wun Hung Lo got the crew to join him in his signature dance move ... and every one of them knew what he was talking about.

[Wensleydale]

Captain Wun Hung Lo got the crew to join him in his signature dance move ... and every one of them knew what he was talking about.

Gangwaynam Style?

[MPN11]

Gangwaynam Style?
ho ho ho ... See Pay Ho.

[treadigraph]

The Dear Leader has seen this photo and wants to replicate with our Air Koryo - and with him as Captain!

But Sire... can he lean like that without toppling?

Impudent Pig Dog! You dare imply the Dear Leader can be toppled...?

[NutLoose]

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time
It's fun to stay at the YMCA
It's fun to stay at the YMCA
They have everything for you men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys

[Hydromet]

Not a caption

A quickie is a goodie, judging in about 12 hours.

[Boeing Jet]

Cabin crew getting their flying lessons from the captain & co-pilot!!!

[Wensleydale]

...and we finish the training sortie with a low level pass down the Ladyboyer Reservoir.

[Kiltrash]

Next we shall demonstrate the crash position. On the command Brace, Brace, Brace put your head down between your knees...
Your OWN knees Hoskins...
But sir the Hostie is named Yrneees

[Kiltrash]

North Korea import dogs, and the crew practice getting them all calm by petting them

[c52]

Male crew are required to wear the darkest of dark sunglasses to prevent them from ogling the female crew. As for piloting, well, that's where the autopilot comes in.

[Kiltrash]

The members of the little Snoring Parachute club practice the stick deployment.
But why the jet aircraft and uniforms?
Essential travel of course...

[Kiltrash]

Yep yep a little to the right, up , down ...there got it perfect reception on tbe television...

[Kiltrash]

The Danny LA Rue appreciation Society practice their mincing

[Buster Hyman]

The crew demonstrate Glide Slope....

[Hydromet]

OK, time to call this one.

Honorable mentions to ...
MPN11 for The new training video demonstrated what happens with auto-throttle asymmetry.

Treaders, for The weight of the Captain's wrist watch was to affect the crew's pose for the camera quite significantly...
and
Kiltrash, with Next we shall demonstrate the crash position. On the command Brace, Brace, Brace put your head down between your knees...
Your OWN knees Hoskins...

But the winner is Cavuman1, with a special award for brevity, for Banker's convention....

Well done, Cavuman1, the CST wile sideslip in to you shortly, you can bank on it.

[Kiltrash]

When the big hand is on 10 and the little hands on 4 what time is it?
I dunno, I only have a digital watch

congrats Cav....

[cavuman1]

Many Thanks, Hydromet! (and Kiltrash!)

If the Jesus Nut holds and there's no Haboob, this should be good for a few guffaws:


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x399/desert_storm_chopper_b6d396f8086c91fcb0ec3a71930bb76a04477b3 7.jpg

- Ed :ok:

[Kiltrash]

Section Officer Harvey picked the wrong moment to walk through the spray booth...
Did she??

[treadigraph]

Liberace was the only person to notice a helicopter in the picture...

[Kiltrash]

HMH 467 were just too late in the queue for Squadron Colours....they got Hoskins

[Chu Chu]

Desert camouflage, Hoskins, not dessert.

[Chu Chu]

With the world getting more crowded, Hoskins was directed to include humans in the desert camouflage scheme. But he neglected to research the locally prevailing dress code . . .

[Kiltrash]

The CO gave permission for the pilots to paint their mums on the aircraft as nose art.
"Anderson is that really your mum Pam? , yes sir "

[622]

Hoskins.....the pilot wants to see you..
..He asked you to paint a picture of his wife on his aircraft......and he says you have a bit of explaining to do!

[Dan Gerous]

Just buy a hair dryer you cheap beeatch

[Kiltrash]

You don't wanna know where the refuelling probe / coupling goes

[c52]

We use it like a sheep-dog - one of these will scare thousands of Taliban into running far from it, at least in good visibility.

OR

We only have to hover and all Taliban within binocular range race towards us.

[Wensleydale]

That's not paint...its a shadow!

[treadigraph]

You see a pneumatic woman with long hair - I see Max Wall as Professor Wallofski, losing his wig and scratching his shoulder...

[fdr]

Overlooking the impact of Lithium-7 resulted in some curious artifacts and led to the atoll for Castle Bravo being renamed Bikini.

[Kiltrash]

Banksy strikes again...

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins touches up the camouflage on his Stallion Airfix model, alone , in his garage...

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins, the idea of camouflage is so that it blends into the background, where do you think we are going? String fellows?

[andytug]

"When I asked you to arrange testing of the anti-flash paint, Hoskins, this is NOT what I had in mind!"

[andytug]

"Is that your mother Hoskins? Well, not the first time she's been on one of our choppers....."

[cattletruck]

A placard by engineering to remind that the CH-53 is a bit top heavy.

[treadigraph]

It does have a purpose - it shows where the grease nipples are located.

[Kiltrash]

Gratuitous reposting of the image


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x399/desert_storm_chopper_b6d396f8086c91fcb0ec3a71930bb76a04477b3 7.jpg

Quick get some lingerie coloured paint the Vicar is on his rounds.

[Kiltrash]

That's a strange place for a hand hold.

[Kiltrash]

Hotlips gets assigned to the 4077th.

[Kiltrash]

Perhaps this was a bad choice of paint job to display to the King of Saudi Arabia, Do you think he noticed? is the sale still on?

[Chu Chu]

Lady Godiva trades her horse for a Super Stallion.

[622]

Sorry Hoskins, this one in the bosses......and we have to be equal opportunities around here now...so that’s yours over there with a picture of Herbert from stores on it.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You mean HMH doesn't mean Huge Mammaries Here?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Yes Hoskins, it may be a tad garish for the Royal Air Force, but it got them over the line with the Israelis.

[cattletruck]

Actually it was quite easy, we just offered a two-bit hooker a free spray tan.

[Wensleydale]

Daddy's War Chest.

[Kiltrash]

I know it's meant to be hot in the dessert but at nights I get effin freezin

[NutLoose]

It’s got a distinctive blue note sound when the airflow passes over certain areas.

[Dan Gerous]

Cletus, get out the disc cutter. Ah want them as ma mud flaps on ma Aybraams.

[Kiltrash]

Now the Duke of York is boasting about his conquest ... one BIG one instead of several little ones

[akerosid]

Thank you Wensleydale, I'll jump to it and find something suitable.

Have a go at this one.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1566x898/screen_shot_2021_02_23_at_12_20_10_pm_b208a8ba0a8a8484e3262a 477b529b6d1cb5414c.png

OK, we have a John, a Chris, a Kim and the girls ... we just need an engineer and we'll never miss Saigon again ...

[Kiltrash]

Commissioner Gordon misshines the Bat Signal....wonders why help took so long to appear.

[cavuman1]

NOT A CAPTION

Excellent contributions as usual - judging tomorrow 1500 Zulu-ish.

- Ed

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins was getting good at shadow puppets.

[Wensleydale]

"But Sir - we're allowed to have nose art".

"That's not a nose!"

[Buster Hyman]

The Marines deny that the gender balancing shadow image of Ron Jeremy on the USS Bonhomme Richard had anything to do with the fire.

[Dan Gerous]

Of course it has a military connotation Sir. She's got torpedo tits.:E


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x399/desert_storm_chopper_b6d396f8086c91fcb0ec3a71930bb76a04477b3 7.jpg

[Wensleydale]

"I said we wanted a port side WINCH, not a WENCH!"

[Chu Chu]

No, No. I told you to paint a piece of THE tail.

[Dan Gerous]

If you think the paint job on "70" is in bad taste, you should see the one on "69"!

[Kiltrash]

No matter what Madonna did, she could not raise excitement amongst the Marines.
" That's for pussies" they exclaimed as they went to war...

[Kiltrash]

What do you mean, it's not photoshopped ?

[Kiltrash]

I thought the General was joking when he said we could have feathers in our caps.

[c52]

General: "That is a wholly unconvincing upper body."

Airman: "Haven't you seen an elbow before, Sir?"

[Kiltrash]

The Apache Squadron adopt Big Chest* Sitting Bull as their mascot.
*Arse

[Kiltrash]

Anyone else notice there are only 2 blades on the rotor.....No , thought not.

[Kiltrash]

You missed off the sign, beware Hot Exhaust !!
No sir it was there, the lads all gave it a pat for good luck and rubbed it off

[cavuman1]

Just as the Sea Stallion lost Vr in the fierce Haboob and crashed to the desert floor, a collective roar of approval erupted from the "cyclic" mind of Dan Gerous, with: If you think the paint job on "70" is in bad taste, you should see the one on "69"!

Ozymandias will be along shortly with a newly sand-polished CST! Way to go Dan! :ok:

[Dan Gerous]

Thanks for that cavuman. I've had a wee bit of luck in the capcom recently, so I'll open it up to anyone who hasn't previously won.

[NutLoose]

Defiantly not US standard, but we ran out of paint, if we hadn’t she would be more in keeping with our heavy lift capability.

[Dan Gerous]

No takers, so open to anyone.

[NutLoose]

I've been saving this puppy for such an occasion


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1050x695/jaguarm_6_0e3662728cbc085809d2d6d7a561c514c0c58d66.jpg



There is a whole series of Images of it BTW here

http://www.airwar.ru/enc/fighter/jaguarm.html

[Wensleydale]

The Navy couldn't find a piano, so.........

[Wensleydale]

As the F4 crew said..."Splash one Jaguar".

[Wensleydale]

Further experiments to see if a Jaguar could achieve at least one dry take-off.

[Dan Gerous]

Get it down to the litter tray before it leaks anymore.

[NutLoose]

Swopped it back as I assume you had commented on the earlier one Wensley

[treadigraph]

We couldn't find a new Jag nosewheel, so we nicked one off a Concorde

[treadigraph]

A running start into wind, hold back, catapault, curvature of the earth, increased AOA; if it doesn't lift off with full stores and fuel this time, what else can we try?

Remove the pilot's watch?

We did that last time.

Oh...

[NutLoose]

Dan are you going to score it or should I?

[Dan Gerous]

You score it Nutty. What happened to the pic of the jag on the lift?

[NutLoose]

It's in the link, I swopped it back as I read WD's posts and he had replied to the one I put up first I think which is the one showing, so I swopped it back and you replied in the meantime Doh!

[Kiltrash]

Cat on a hot tin roof feels the heat

[Kiltrash]

Clearly photoshopped, the seas the wrong colour of pink...
(Explains why I failed the Pilots exam. ..)

[Kiltrash]

The French will try anything....once

[Kiltrash]

Man walking away....Thinks " Im safer to just dive over the edge "

[treadigraph]

A running start into wind, hold back, catapault, curvature of the earth, increased AOA; if it doesn't lift off with full stores and fuel this time, what did we forget?

Reheat?

That's already included in the calcs.

Oh...

[Buster Hyman]

The crew hated it when the Jag was taking off. It's not easy to get a Carrier up to 88mph.

[Chu Chu]

Man kneeling in brown jacket: Which cat do I need to scald?

[Dan Gerous]

It's no use, we can't rely on the curvature of the earth. Get that tank off and strap on a Saturn 5.

[Kiltrash]

Look if we don't hurry up the War will be over in 6 months...

( Treadigraph is suffering from Groundhog day..)

[Kiltrash]

Man kneeling remembers....The Blue cable is attached to the Red shackle... on no account the green one...Or was it? Should have paid more Attention to Carrier Ops 101...

[Kiltrash]

Sharkey in the Cockpit...When I was on Harriers did not have this faffing about. ...

[Kiltrash]

Goose, kick the tyres and light the fires...
Talk to me Goose...Goose..
**** it's a single seater

[Kiltrash]

Gp Cap Monsieur LeHoskins checks his log book, confirmed this is his 17th catapult launch as noted on the aircraft stencils, However Checks the Trap column is still blank, empty, zero , zilch nada.

[MPN11]

Kiltrash, you beat me to the draw ....

”Hoskins’ successful ejections were recorded on yet another airframe”

[Ascend Charlie]

Captain of ship asked to slow down, as the Jag was approaching Vne on the deck.

[Kiltrash]

The Pilot was surprised to run out of fuel on the practice bombing run when he discovered the external tank was actually a bucket of instant sunshine.

[Kiltrash]

The Red Shirts had heard what usually befell them on the USS Enterprise so when needed were not to be seen.

[Kiltrash]

Hurry up, the boy on the beach has to go home for his tea.

[Dan Gerous]

Why all the jibes about the jags speed?
Because the bridle will probably get further!


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1050x695/jaguarm_6_0e3662728cbc085809d2d6d7a561c514c0c58d66.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

Trainee launch guy, "Why does the nose wheel extend like that"?
Experienced launch guy, "Because it generates more lift, same idea as on the Phantom".
Pilot, "PHANTOM!!!! WHERE"?

[Dan Gerous]

You'd be better sending those bombs by Packlink. They're more likely to get delivered!

[Wensleydale]

"I hear that Jaguar is to become an all electric brand after 2025".

"I hope that these cables will be long enough to reach the target then".

[treadigraph]

Bridge to Engine Room - Warp factor 7, Scotty

She cannae take it Captain... Can we no' beam the bloody thing up?

[Wensleydale]

Not really a caption, but a good excuse for a really old joke...

"Doctor! I think that I have Hermes".

"Don't you men Herpes?"

"No - I think I'm a carrier".

[NoHoverstop]

The Captain won't have it in the hangar, so just to make sure we've hung 3 tonnes of bomb-shaped concrete on it, we've hung Chiefy's model submarine on it and we've stuck the fat work-experience kid in the cockpit, but orders is orders so we tie it down. Finish tightening that and we can get below. Storm forecast or not, this one's not going anywhere.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Somebody tell this idiot that with his tailhook down, the thing won't launch!"

"That's exactly why he put it down! He is only the cook's assistant, sitting in there for the photo shoot."

[Buster Hyman]

Little known fact about the French Navy, when they launched, the Pilots shouted Foch Off!!!

[Kiltrash]

International woman's day...wtf .. next thing you know it's will be the pu$$ypit.

[treadigraph]

It's going whether it flies or not - the ship's cat is jealous.

I think it's a mutual feline, Sir.

[Kiltrash]

Remember sir, let's try this time, wings down and locked

[Kiltrash]

We have been invited in a show of solidarity to join the UK in the armada to retake the Falklands. To provide fast jet CAP to protect the task force.
Now remember we only fly between 10 and 12 if the sun's out, The chefs prepared Camembert for breakfast and we get medals.
Thatcher. ..nah don't need your help, hop it Froggy.

[Wensleydale]

"Sorry Sir. Your Swordfish is in for servicing and you'll have to make do with this until its back on the line again".

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Hoskins feels her husband it taking the carrier ops sim in the garage a bit too serious

[Kiltrash]

Judge's recheck the rules for the " Who can fly a paper aeroplane the furthest " University Challenge

[cattletruck]

When the hoover used to vacuum clean the deck broke its replacement was obvious.

[treadigraph]

Judge's recheck the rules for the " Who can fly a paper aeroplane the furthest " University Challenge

The 2021 Bognor Birdman Competition attracts its most ambitious - and ultimately unsuccessful - entry to date...

[Dan Gerous]

Hurry up guys, we've got a piano on approach.

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1050x695/jaguarm_6_0e3662728cbc085809d2d6d7a561c514c0c58d66.jpg

[Chu Chu]

It's a little-known fact that jaguars are excellent swimmers.

[NutLoose]

It's Bob, he says he's just nipping home to use the bog.... :E

Not an entry... in fact more an exit :E

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

It doesn't seem to want to go sir!
Ok, maybe we undo those shackles back to the deck, and I'll tell him to try it with the hook raised as well!

[Kiltrash]

Remember remember the Firework Code. NEVER return to a lit device if it don't fly...

[treadigraph]

Now, all internal and external tanks have been topped off but are you quite sure you've got enough fuel to get back ashore?

Mon Dieu, it's only vingt kilometres away!

I know - but supposing you need to go around?

[Kiltrash]

Mon Dieu, remind me again Pierre, which bit did we build ..?
You'll be pleased to know the British build the ejection seat

[Kiltrash]

Move over Froggy, said Clarkson, we have Black Stig to get rid off after he wrote his book.

[Kiltrash]

Mon Dieu, is that a White E Type I see on the Catapult. ?

[MPN11]

Ze centreline tank? Of course it full of wine - we are on detachment. Do you think we stupid?

[Kiltrash]

Emergency Flying Rations? We can't go far enough to get lost

[cavuman1]

Plane Director raises left arm and shouts "This thing's so slow it has to speed up to stop!"

Catapult Crewman screams reply "Why do you think I'm trying to disconnect this shuttle? Any more throttle and she'll be in full reverse! The ship'll go down by the transom!"

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

"Eh! Francois! Don't bozzer wiz ze arrestor 'ook, as soon as you launch, ze ship will catch up wiz you and you can put it down again. Log one takeoff and one landing for .01 of an hour."

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Early carrier trials with the Jaguar came to nothing. On "launch" all that happened was the ship was propelled backwards.

[Kiltrash]

Captain ...." Inbound enemy bomber, Launch the Alert 5 "
Air Boss ..." Sorry Sir It's the French turn to provide Top Cover. It's now Alert 30 "
Captain..." Abandon Ship "

[c52]

Kneeling man with his arm held out: "No, it's this way you're meant to go."

[c52]

It's April 1st and the Air Force has delivered a Jaguar to an aircraft carrier, using a Chinook.

The Navy will take revenge by pushing it over the side, claiming it was trying to take-off.

[622]

Its no good Sir...you will have to reduce the speed of the carrier, every time we lauch it..we catch it up and it lands again!

[Kiltrash]

At the subsequent Board of Inguiry the Buccaneer Pilot claimed the gap between the deck and the Jaguar body was too tempting a target...

[Kiltrash]

Now we are stationed just off Calais we are ready to deploy the Anti Immigration Flights again.
Pritti Patel will be impressed.
Let's hope they don't row as fast as the last lot.

[treadigraph]

I've been driving in my car
It's faster than my Jaguar...

[NutLoose]

Ok last orders... scoring on the morrow.. :)

and then I’ll send the trophy over by Jag.............. don’t wait up.

[Kiltrash]

The RSPCA stop the boat sailing as there was a Cat on the roof.

[evilroy]

You must be this tall to fly...

[Chu Chu]

Of course you can launch a JAG from an aircraft carrier -- I saw it on TV.

[Kiltrash]

The arm? No that's to give Tom a step up to the ladder...

[Kiltrash]

The arm? No good as a one armed fisherman

[Kiltrash]

The arm? No my last job was as a performing dog trainer

[NutLoose]

Ok the scores are on the Doors, the winners are

Brian
Dougal
Dylan
Zebedee
The Jag

Or 622 with
It's no good Sir...you will have to reduce the speed of the carrier, every time we launch it..we catch it up and it lands again!
Runners up are Buster with
The crew hated it when the Jag was taking off. It's not easy to get a Carrier up to 88mph.
and Kiltrash with
Remember remember the Firework Code. NEVER return to a lit device if it don't fly...

622.... loading the trophy into the Jag as we speak, don't expect it anytime soon........ :E

[treadigraph]

You are gonna need a longer runway Nutty!

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/250x125/image_9dd940b67274c903b41da6cf8f39545950449831.png

[622]

Many thanks.....lets try this one!

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRQ1nPUQph9Jk8UVXMBsk_gvY5YbUby3qiRVA&usqp=CAU

[treadigraph]

Hah! No one will shoot me with these adorable puppies in my arms. Damn, little bast*rd has sh*t all down my battledress...

[Kiltrash]

When talking about " adorable little puppies " this was not what my first thought was.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Hoskins we are all out of Andrex, will these do?
(other brands of soft toilet tissue are available (

[Kiltrash]

No Lady Gaga, this is what real dog walkers do to protect their little darlings.

[treadigraph]

Sarge! I've solved our toilet roll shortage...

(ooops, great minds think alike Kiltrash!)

[Buster Hyman]

But, I thought these were the Dogs of war?

[Buster Hyman]

Thought I’d bring our Korean exchange chaps a treat!

[Buster Hyman]

Oh, K Rations? Not K9.....damn.

[Dan Gerous]

A puppy isn't just for Xmas, so we got another for the New years buffet

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRQ1nPUQph9Jk8UVXMBsk_gvY5YbUby3qiRVA&usqp=CAU

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Gunner Smith of the King's Own Blind Sniper Riflers amused himself by sneaking away with Gunner Jones's guide dog, to keep his own company.

[NutLoose]

So you're trying to tell us soldier, these are Saddam's secret labs we've been looking for and you expect us to run the story....

[NutLoose]

The'yre a bit young to join the front line troops yet, but they've had all their jabs, Herpes and Gonorrhea.

[NutLoose]

I called up over the air for multiple support and this is what we fecking got, a pair of support dogs.

[Kiltrash]

There there Fido and Rover, that nasty Pekingese doesn't really mean what she's yapping. ...

[Kiltrash]

Postman's uniform gets a make over, well my last commission was to the 9th Foot and Mouth. Explained the designer.

[Kiltrash]

Prior to performing Castrations, the Vet dons protective Clothing

[Kiltrash]

President Kim, On behalf of our President, we would like you to accept these 2 vicious trained killers for your personnal protection. They don't eat much, dry biscuits and water should do. The dogs are a present to Mrs Kim.

[treadigraph]

Say Captain, the models have arrived for our artist to create the new "Wolf Squadron" badge...

[treadigraph]

Oh Sergeant Major, your wife wants you to mind the children for an hour while she gets her claws trimmed...

[Kiltrash]

" Whats that Lassie, little Johnny has fallen down the well? Oh I don't know when we can rescue him, depends what comes out the Health and Safety inquiry."

[Kiltrash]

Think i'm in luck. that Lorraine Kelly has a soft spot for a couple of puppies.

[NutLoose]

When I said we could do with some female company and heck I’d even settle for a couple of dogs from the NAAFI, this wasn’t what I had in mind.

[Dan Gerous]

Section Officer Harvey asked me if I would you like to hold her puppys, I was thinking of something else.

[MPN11]

No problem, Sarge, the enemy won’t hear them. They’re Stealthy. They’re Hush Puppies.

[Kiltrash]

Sgt Shultz takes the puppies to the taxidermist. Make me a pair of slippers he said.

[Kiltrash]

Makes the ladies all swoon with passion

[Kiltrash]

Trooper exiting stage left...
" Capn Blackadder said he could pull any old dog "

[Wensleydale]

The DS asked who's lead it was today...

[NutLoose]

Errrrr, no I ermmmm don’t know what I’m gonna do with em, but they were a bargain, buy one get one free.

[Kiltrash]

He's spent the last 10 minutes licking his bollo@ks and you still let him give you a goodnight kiss. ..said Fido to Rover...

[treadigraph]

Who's going to tell the Colonel about his tent and sleeping bag?

[NutLoose]

We ordered some guard dogs, but I think we’ve been sold a pup.