Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Doc Brown's latest invention still suffers the same problem, how to achieve 88 mph.

[Kiltrash]

Eric ' Winkle ' Brown baulked at no 488
" I'm not that stupid he said.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Major Tom, put your helmet on and give this oddity a go.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Hoskins, Said the Mess Manager, as your a bit short this month will take this in part payment of the £4- 4 / 6 pence bar bill.
Bring the £4 next week.

[Kiltrash]

In the bar afterwards, the Pilot was heard to complain that he had to slow down to stall speed, so he did not overfly the Jaguar.

[c52]

At least, if it is to he consigned to the dustbin if history, the wing will make optimal use of that receptacle.

[Wensleydale]

Well Mr Mulley. Its either this, the Nimrod AEW, or buy American.

[MPN11]

The Rotary Wing concept suffered from inaccurate specifications.

[Kiltrash]

Model Aircraft Judge

" Well done Hoskins it did say on the box this was an ' Impossible ' build "

or

"Better take this back to ' Toys R Us ' must have had a accident in the parts department "

[Chu Chu]

What's with the red paint, Hoskins?

Don't you get it? Von Richthofen? Flying circle?

[Chu Chu]

It protects us against AAA. Works on the same principle as dazzle camouflage.

[Kiltrash]

Well you pull this lever and it converts to a Lada, what could be of more use?

[Kiltrash]

Well at airshows it ensures the Pilot has constant shade from the sun all day

[Kiltrash]

At Duxford the Tiger Moth went 'tech ' so they had a rummage around hanger 51 to find something for the joy flights

[Kiltrash]

While touring Area 51 the President wanted to see what the $$$ had been spent on.
Move on nothing to see here.

[Kiltrash]

...and before you turn on the radar, remember to cover your knackers with tin foil...

[Kiltrash]

Well I know you designed this to serve a purpose, I just fail to see what purpose it has.

[Kiltrash]

Later it was discovered that although the designer had produced a World beating plan, Bae had pinned the plans to the drawingboard up side down.

[Kiltrash]

Well the plans fell out of Master Treadigraph 's
( age 6 ) math jotter

[cavuman1]

"Bisquick, Mate?" "No thanks, I'll have a Pancake Fokker!"

- Ed

[cynicalint]

It's the TUIT you asked for! You said you would get the thing to fly when you got a round Tuit

[Chu Chu]

Our nav's shortsighted, so we're having the stars painted underneath the wing.

[c52]

"We told the designer to copy a boomerang to ensure the plane returns safely from every mission, but someone described a frisbee to him when he asked what a boomerang was."

[Dan Gerous]

Meh, to be honest I was hoping for something with a tricycle undercarriage.

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x450/54cb28045a064_bizarre_aircraft_03_0114_de_dcf4dd65da62e2ce37 837884b79e7db888e4b215.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

It's called "The Pac-Man", and it'll gobble up all those nasty Germans

[Wensleydale]

Its difficult to land...Air Traffic keep saying "Round Again".

[Dan Gerous]

This'll prove my flat earth theory.

[Wensleydale]

We fly for the Orange Forces...it is a Jaffa Cake!

[NutLoose]

Well the RAF accepted the Javelin, so we thought we’d offer them the Discus.

[NutLoose]

A bit high on the round out there Hoskins.

[Kiltrash]

After the NOTAM about the Chinese Rocket comming back to Earth, time to take down the shield. Ended up in the Ocean...

[Kiltrash]

Right lads, get the ' Lazy Susan ' down and into the mess hall for the Officers Dining in night.

[Ninthace]

No idea. It followed me home. Can I keep it?

[Kiltrash]

If that's the size of the dogs Frisbee, don't wanna see the size of the dog...

[Dan Gerous]

The Scottish Air Force have a naming ceremony for their new AEW aircraft, Hawkeye The Noo

[Kiltrash]

Allright, but what happens of the Fockers attack from directly above, ah that's why we have, but you cannot see, the air gunner strapped on the top.

[Kiltrash]

Its a Parasite Fighter, magetised to the balloon and released to swoop down and strafe the enemy below.

[Ninthace]

'Ow does it fly monsieur? Well ze take off run is very short but ze 'andling is a bit crêpe.

[Kiltrash]

Well no, we employ Hazing on the top, so the press do not see what we are doing.

[Chu Chu]

Deployable tabletop. Because you never know where an exercise might break out.

[Kiltrash]

After last night's storm, there's a man over there looking for his garden parasol

[Kiltrash]

Looks like that wizened old man is looking for a phone box to ' Phone Home '

[Kiltrash]

Amazon trial Drone deliveries to Mr Johnson with his Viagra tablets. Think I have proved that is something I don't need.

[Buster Hyman]

"Hello Mallory? Yes, it's Bader. Would you mind clearing something up for me. You did say Big Ring didn't you?....uh huh....uh huh...okay, thanks...Oh, no reason."......Bugger.

[Beamr]

Well, the air force did ask for a chrome dome, didn't they. This fulfills the specs.

[Kiltrash]

Carrier....flat- top.....think something lost in translation

[Kiltrash]

This new Improbability drive is well.....improbable

[Kiltrash]

Well certainly takes ' Blue Sky Thinking ' to a whole new level

[ShyTorque]

We’ll be following the Great Circle route.....

[Beamr]

Dr Evil (on the right): You think Orson Welles and his war of the worlds broadcast caused mass hysteria? That was nothing. Wait till we get this thing flying around, we'll get centuries of UFO sightings and abduction stories.

[Kiltrash]

First plans for Airlander. ' Your gonna need a bigger bag... '
or
Wright bros...' we were meant to be planning a Penny Farthing '. Big wheel on the top? I think not

[622]

How to confuse electrical design engineers?...

"OK, so where do we put the wing tip lights!"

[622]

Pizza Huts new air delivery service!

[622]

Scotty and Bones dissapointed with the first USS Enterprise

[cattletruck]

Investor 1: What do you see?
Investor 2: Pie in the sky.

[Beamr]

The Royal Mail and its novel pizza drone for remote islands.

[NutLoose]

I think its a polite way of telling you that you have been black balled from the RAF club old chap.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x450/54cb28045a064_bizarre_aircraft_03_0114_de_dcf4dd65da62e2ce37 837884b79e7db888e4b215_b3980bf3ac068330ae220c9989054dfe34aba 60c.jpg

[NutLoose]

Irish engineers note how helicopters with more blades appear to be able to lift heavier loads so go for the ultimate rotor disc design.

[c52]

"The Governor must not find out, but since he passed a law stating that pi = 3, the state academy predicted a total eclipse of the sun today, so we have to simulate one."

[Wikipedia: In 1897, an amateur mathematician attempted to persuade the Indiana legislature (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_General_Assembly) to pass the Indiana Pi Bill (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Pi_Bill), which described a method to square the circle (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squaring_the_circle) and contained text that implied various incorrect values for π, including 3.2. The bill is notorious as an attempt to establish a value of scientific constant by legislative fiat. The bill was passed by the Indiana House of Representatives, but rejected by the Senate, meaning it did not become a law.]

[Kiltrash]

As Grouse Shooting was deamed no longer Politically Correct, In Balmoral, while the Royals now go Skeet Shooting, Find the Skeet fire back

[Kiltrash]

Well that's a different way to transport oversize cargo.

[Kiltrash]

....and the latest Red Bull advert hits the newsstand

[treadigraph]

Judge Tread will don his black cap and pick a victim winner sometime around 8pm (BST) this evening. Keep 'em coming...

[622]

Mr Heath and Mr Robinson declare their new machine to be the future of aviation!

[622]

Damn...they actually built it.....now we have to try and sell it!

[fitliker]

One of the quickest methods of finding a aviation gasoline fuel leak in a wing is to stand under the wing puffing on a big cigar .

This plane may well fall into the fat girls and mopeds category , fun to ride until your mates see you .

[Chu Chu]

Prototype capacitor-powered aircraft (radial engine fitted for initial aerodynamic tests).

[Kiltrash]

Think that proves it, the Earth IS flat

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins, another pancake landing...

[Ninthace]

The pilot? Last seen heading off clutching an anal probe looking for something he called a "Cletus"

[Kiltrash]

Mr Kodak presents a early 360 degree camera

[MPN11]

“Elmer, I have to ask you yet again ... WHY?”

[treadigraph]

Sorry, been distracted - stand by for a quick judgement...

[fitliker]

Picture taken just a few moments before chap on the right with cigar in mouth finds the fuel leak under the wing . Plane and passenger still missing . Kabooom

[treadigraph]

Right, plenty of excellent captions from all of you - here's a couple:C52: I call it AWACS: Aeroplane With A Circular Surface.

Beamr: We all know that frisbee flies jolly well, but how do you throw this thing?

Kilty: Well the plans fell out of Master Treadigraph 's ( age 6 ) math jotter

C52: "We told the designer to copy a boomerang to ensure the plane returns safely from every mission, but someone described a frisbee to him when he asked what a boomerang was."

Ninthace: No idea. It followed me home. Can I keep it?

622: Scotty and Bones dissapointed with the first USS Enterprise

But there can only be one winner and it is:

Ninthace: 'Ow does it fly monsieur? Well ze take off run is very short but ze 'andling is a bit crêpe.

Well done Chap, I'll toss the CST in your direction with your choice of savoury or sweet filling.

(My entry might have been: Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews with the secret of how Mary Poppins really flew...)

[Ninthace]

I am honoured and my flabber is truly gasted. I will have a dig for a picture. Standby.

[Ninthace]

https://i.postimg.cc/brmTHw95/gyphon4.jpg (https://postimages.org/)


Try this, not sure if it is powered or just gravity assisted

[Kiltrash]

Klingons off the Starboard Bow...

[NutLoose]

Now I know how the Christmas Turkey feels.

[Kiltrash]

I'll put this on PPRuNe, Someone will be able to identify..
Think their Walnuts sir.

[NutLoose]

Thank Christ for that, by the time they’d got me strapped up in this rig like a Christmas Turkey I was worried the chestnut stuffing was next on the list.

[treadigraph]

Brussels sprouts give you wings

[treadigraph]

https://i.postimg.cc/brmTHw95/gyphon4.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[Kiltrash]

Reports to Honeywell, Dunno what it was sir, but I think the Chinese have copied the plans we leaked to the Russians, via the Germans from MI6...

[Kiltrash]

Star Trek 17 Shuttlepod gets a make over

[treadigraph]

I say Squiffy, there's a rumour that the Sparrows are interested in a replacement for their Hawks

[Kiltrash]

In the Year 2525
If man was still alive..

Buster still waits for a Cap Comp win...

[treadigraph]

Mass invasion? Hate to disillusion you but we are it...

[treadigraph]

In the Year 2525
If man was still alive..


Bloody hell Kilty, you were reading my mind!

[Buster Hyman]

Buddy clever these Japanese! Self extracting Kidney stones! Brilliant!

[cynicalint]

Carrie, this Boris, brace yourself I'm coming in from behind!

[Ascend Charlie]

The First and Second (bowel) Movements of Ride of the Valkyries, waiting for the Turd.

[cavuman1]

Move over Mr. Bald Eagle! I'm the new National Bird of the U.S.A.! Fat, stupid, and sassy - I've got it all....

- Ed

[fitliker]

Not a great fan of one way approaches myself ;

They are about to find out why Sergeant Shut Up insisted on clean base kit before taking the high jump

[Beamr]

BAe, Lockheed Martin and Boeing were having a very high flying brainstorming session on new lo cost f16 replacement.

or

The very best brains in the industry were flown in to solve the MCAS issue.

[treadigraph]

Martin-Baker's new ejection system was such good fun that crews were abandoning their steeds for the flimsiest of reasons...

[Kiltrash]

David Attenborough voice..

..and here we see a slow moving sperm approach a stationary egg from behind and after a unexpected burst of speed, the deed, is done. 40 years later the latest RAF Fighter, the Jaguar, is born.

[Kiltrash]

After a journey of many miles a Mummy Nucleus and a Daddy Nucleus loved each other so much they were attracted to each other and came together in a blinding flash of Light, and Hiroshima was no more.

[Kiltrash]

...and in a first, U.K. Scientists reveal a full size picture of a Covid-19 Virus. The British prime Minister is immediately attracted to it.

[Kiltrash]

In an attempt to test his eyesight, Mr Cummings takes a trip to Bernard Castle. Sees the above and immediately declares he is safe to drive back to London.

[Beamr]

The two brain cells of [name the politician of your choice] are eventually about to collide after a fierce chase bt another.

[FredFlintstone]

Disney enters the aviation market

[Kiltrash]

Over the Radio, Andromeda Voyager reports to Base

" Orbiting the third planet from Sol, No intelligent life discovered apart from the Dolphins, moving on "

[Kiltrash]

Arthur..." What do you mean if we're lucky they will throw us out into the vacuum of space, if we are unlucky the Vogan Captain will read us poetry ? "

[Kiltrash]

Owing to a error in size recognition the Alien assault craft were mistaken for a tasty Bonio dog biscuit. We expect them to re appear later today

[treadigraph]

That bloody Kiltrash, I've still got Zager and Evans on the brain!

Really, Ive got Those Magnificent Men on mine

[Wensleydale]

The Varsity re-imagined!

[NutLoose]

"We're in the pipe, 5 by 5"

[NutLoose]

Remember, keep your mouth shut or you will get the squirts.

[NutLoose]

This will never be adopted, I can't see my ferck orf big watch.

[622]

What every Marine thought they were getting when they saw the 'Marines to get jet packs' thread!

[622]

No2 to Leader ....either your hook is down or your flies are undone!

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to dispel the arguments, VAR publish the microscopic proof that Harry Kane WAS offside by Microns, but offside is still offside.

[Kiltrash]

Too close for Lasers, switching to Transporters

[Kiltrash]

Top Gun 17 and the World Air Force use their latest weapons Bow and Arrows

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to prevent mankind development into the Federation, the Borg travel back in time to 1976 Los Angeles. Descide it's not worth assimilating the locals and leave ...

[MPN11]

The Planet's surface was smooth, and the landing run almost unlimited. Hoskins reckoned he could put his craft down in one piece for a change.

[Ninthace]

https://i.postimg.cc/xdt2XGLK/gyphon4.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[treadigraph]

Michael O'Leary: "Well now, that's given me a great idea...."

[Chu Chu]

Hon, did you see what little Joey did to his pet turtle?

Why can't he just pull the wings off flies like the other kids?

[cattletruck]

Before the transporter room was invented inflight passenger transfers were performed by extending the turtle neck into the rear docking bay.

[Kiltrash]

While filming Fantastic Voyage, Ms Welsh found herself in a tight spot....her uniform

[Kiltrash]

USS Trump is finally comissioned, full of Hot Air and sh1t

[Kiltrash]

Einstein was not expecting such after effects from breaking the lightspeed barrier.....

[NutLoose]

Smithers realises that he was fobbed off with the diversity con and far from being the first person of colour to attempt this, he realises he is the first person full stop as everyone else probably turned it down.

[DogTailRed2]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x399/desert_storm_chopper_b6d396f8086c91fcb0ec3a71930bb76a04477b3 7.jpg
"When I said tart her up a bit what I meant was...."

[Ninthace]

Judging around 2100A tonight, wine permitting, before Kiltrash gets RSI!

[MPN11]

The marketing graphics were great ... BAe just hoped someone would find a use for it.

[Wensleydale]

When Ridley Scott met up with "The Clangers".

[c52]

No, it's not exactly stealthy, but you can bet your life no professional pilot will report seeing one."

[fitliker]

Anything other than a smooth landing , and the last thing through your mind will be your bottom .

[fitliker]

The disadvantage of high speed high altitude tactical drops is no one can hear your banter .
The advantage of high speed high altitude tactical drops is no one can hear your banter !

[Kiltrash]

That's the trouble with Mirages, they only appear in the French Sahara Desert.

https://i.postimg.cc/xdt2XGLK/gyphon4.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[Kiltrash]

The B2 Mk4 has all the radar cross section of a Barn Door...
That's something the Russians did not expect.

[Kiltrash]

Roads? we don't need no 'effin Roads where we're going... Straight down... aaarrrggghhh

[cavuman1]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Whatchamacallits.

- Ed

[cavuman1]

A380's on the half-shell.

- Ed

[c52]

"I present to you the real-life transformer. Launched looking like this from the back of a C-130, a short time later it is transformed into a pile of shapeless metal."

[Ninthace]

First of all congratulations to Kiltrash for proving that quantity has a quality all of its own while simultaneously demonstrating his knowledge of the works of the late great Gene Rodenberry and the Divine Terry Pratchett. Also an honourable mention for Wensleydale for reminding me of the happy hours as a student spent sitting in the front of WF417 when I should have been cutting code for BLEU. And so to the results-

The nominations are:

Kiltrash for; I'll put this on PPRuNe, Someone will be able to identify. Think their Walnuts sir. (Who is Walnuts by the way?)
Treadigraph for foregoing an obvious Red Bull reference in favour of: Brussels sprouts give you wings.
Kiltrash for making fun of the afflicted with: David Attenborough voice....and here we see a slow moving sperm approach a stationary egg from behind and after a unexpected burst of speed, the deed, is done. 40 years later the latest RAF Fighter, the Jaguar, is born.
622 for topicality with: What every Marine thought they were getting when they saw the 'Marines to get jet packs' thread!
622 again for good honest vulgarity with: No2 to Leader ....either your hook is down or your flies are undone!

And as we speak, the CST is being conveyed by SPELCO Gryphon at an eye watering 60 mph and a spell binding glide angle of 5:1 to .................622 for honest vulgarity. Congratulations.

[622]

Many thanks....I knew being vulgar would help one day!
Dont think we have had this before...so do your best!

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSP6Vh1muiANYUYgG3syjTrXK4Ca9H0sEPLlA&usqp=CAU

[Wensleydale]

"How was your flight?"

"Rough".

[Wensleydale]

Our co-pilot was absolutely Barking!"

[Wensleydale]

He doesn't bother the hosties much, but the leg of the Captains' seat is a real mess.

[Wensleydale]

The Captain's had him since he failed the eyesight test.

[Wensleydale]

He's not much good at fighter control, but at least he carries the document boxes!


(sorry - AWACS in joke).

[Kiltrash]

Well teamed you with a female co-pilot, and your still not happy

[Kiltrash]

The new crew fast track security scanner has no side effects

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Hoskins fed up with her ( soon to be ex ) husband devoting all his money and effort into his home flight simulator draws the line when he involves the dog...

[Kiltrash]

In the privacy of the down route hotel the flight and cabin crew swop uniforms. FO Hoskins did hope to get the stockings and suspender option

[Beamr]

Cptn Buddy was known for drooling over hostesses.

[Kiltrash]

The picture I understand but can someone explain about the Daffodil?
Nurse we need a stronger injection...

[treadigraph]

The Captain is there to feed me. I'm there to make sure the Captain doesn't touch anything.

(Just getting that one outta the way...)

[treadigraph]

Good flight? OK, but we had to follow a hell of a dog leg via Barkway...

[treadigraph]

Fido has been getting just a little pretentious since gaining his PPL. After all, he's only flying a Beagle Pup...

[treadigraph]

I'm hoping to join the USAF and be a bomber pilot - I wanna fly the Bone!

[Dan Gerous]

Listen sonny boy, I'm the Captain and you're my beeatch.

[treadigraph]

Captains flying with First Officer Rover soon learned not to ask which leg he preferred...

[Beamr]

The ATC loved cptn Sport, he's the first pilot who really followed given instructions without going solo.

[Hydromet]

Captain Fido likes to shock the pax by boarding the aircraft with his guide human.

[Dan Gerous]

Right, quick piss on the tyre and we're good to go.

[Ninthace]

Captain Rover Over's general handling was fine but he had a tendency to chase the ball when on instruments.

[Beamr]

The result of Ryanairs latest earnings idea: Customs duties for the flight crew, sniffing the SLF+freight for unwanted materials. As an additional bonus the flight crew happily works for dogs treats.

[Ascend Charlie]

The sunnies are covering two black eyes, gained when he stuck his nose in the copilot's crotch. On finals.

[Frostchamber]

Although aspects of his personal grooming could sometimes let him down, the captain's lipstick never failed to impress.

[c52]

Ryanair negotiate gross pay = typical net pay for those who are not subject to income tax, national insurance, pension contributions and so on.

[Kiltrash]

My last job? I used to be a Snipers assistant

[Kiltrash]

Outtake from AIRPLANE, the movie with what really happened when the Airline driver came to collect Rex ( Kramer )

[Kiltrash]

After his Air Force Career was ended after that accident, Hot Shots Part Trois Follows his civilian job

[Kiltrash]

Pilot....Got the Maps??
Co-Pilot....no the Bonio.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSP6Vh1muiANYUYgG3syjTrXK4Ca9H0sEPLlA&usqp=CAU

Or

This is how I get the Chum through Security. Have you seen the food option on tonight's flight...eugh...

[Kiltrash]

In case of accident so they can identify the body, got my Dog Tags...Remember that from my Air Force Days..
But you were only a K9 on perimeter patrol...

[Kiltrash]

It was only later discovered the Co-Pilot had been castrated that morning...perhaps should have been stood down for a few days.

[Kiltrash]

Dashhound could never be a Pilot, I mean have you seen the difficulty they have climbing steps after the walk round....

[Kiltrash]

NOTAM....When you have a dog on the flight crew the human must do the walk round....if you want to achieve a on time departure

( dog lovers know that a simple walk with your dog takes forever with the amount of sniffing that goes on..)

[Buster Hyman]

"Beef or Chicken Captain?"
"Neither thanks. I'm just gonna lick my Jatz Crackers!"

[Buster Hyman]

"I've got......................................................... .....................................................the Nav bag"
"Why the big pause?"
"I was born with them."

[Buster Hyman]

"Where's the FO?"
"Downstairs humping the landing gear. He'll be along soon"

[NutLoose]

I hear the chief stewardess is a right dog....... Yummy

[NutLoose]

Or course i'm not a real pilot, I haven't got a firk orf big watch

[NutLoose]

You might laugh, but i've never got a complaint when i've stuck my snout in any hosties crotch, have you?

[NutLoose]

We'll be flying a dogleg to our destination.

[NutLoose]

What? all I asked the Chief Steward when boarding was had he got a bone on, are we not allowed to discuss catering anymore?

[NutLoose]

They don't let me fly anymore, last time they asked me to take the stick, I did and ran off down the cabin with it.

[ShyTorque]

"Yes, I'm the lead pilot".

[NutLoose]

I'm just not any old pilot, i'm a pedigree chum..

[NutLoose]

When asked Buster confessed he didn't winalot.

[Kiltrash]

The FBI bring in Dr Doolittle to find out how the dog managed to become a Pilot.
The Doctor translated woof woof bark bark to mean ....I actually tried to write Politician on the career form at school, but have you tried to hold a pen in your paws?

[Kiltrash]

....and on my days off I guide blind people

[NutLoose]

I didn't see that one coming Kilt.

[Ninthace]

I also have to keep an eye on the Cabin Crew. If one of them wanders of, I have the retrieve 'er.

[NutLoose]

If you think flyings difficult, you want to try sheparding cats

[Chu Chu]

The Mouthy Canine Assistance System is trained to bark when the AoA reaches a predetermined value.

[j4leaphill]

The bags full,where can i put my log?

[treadigraph]

I'm Stevie the Wonder Dog. Is this my piano?

[Kiltrash]

Well it beats paws down running round cold wet effin hills rounding up sheep, and all I get is a cold wet dinner the ad men say " if your dog could talk he'd tell you how good it is."
​​​​​​How would he know. .. has he tasted that old horse sh1te....

[Kiltrash]

Ah Andrew meet your new co-pilot. at least this one won't kiss and tell...

[Kiltrash]

At the pre flight briefing Rex was told he was not dressed properly and to " Tuck your tail in "

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Hoskins was gutted that Mr Hoskins left her, however substituted the hole in her life with the family dog.
At least she knew where he was every night and was able to satisfy her in way her husband had been unable to, ever since the Long Haul Radiation issue was discovered. ..

[Kiltrash]

If you think this is scary, you should see the looks I get driving into the Airport.

[Wensleydale]

The Mouthy Canine Assistance System is trained to bark when the AoA reaches a predetermined value.

Only if the dog is a Pointer!

[Ninthace]

Captain Rover Over had a worrying habit of doing 3 or 4 tight orbits over the threshold immediately before settling in for a landing.

[cavuman1]

Silence is Golden (except in the event of engine failure.)

- Ed

[Hydromet]

We only employ him because he brings his own aircraft.
https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x583/screen_shot_2021_05_13_at_8_21_40_am_4e4ec6a892851aa723c86fe 33d419169eae0cea8.png

[fitliker]

You might laugh, but i've never got a complaint when i've stuck my snout in any hosties crotch, have you?

Twas not the snout she was worried about,
Just the length of the claws when styling doggie

[fitliker]

Does chasing ones own tail count for turns in a hold ?

Pulling the tail on an NDB approach might considered inappropriate !

[treadigraph]

Now I'm a pilot I know what whiskey alpha lima kilo yankee sierra means... and incidentally, it should be india echo, not yankee. Now, where's my lead, where is it whereisit, walkieswalkieswhere'smylead...

[Wensleydale]

He's not much good at formation, but his tailchase is excellent.

That said, when tanking he gets his nose really close to the rear of the chap in front!

[Kiltrash]

" News Jingle "

And tonight we have 2 main stories
in the First the Scientific Community report that pets are immune from Coronavirus.
And the second report is that Airlines are employing Dogs to be Pilots as they do not need to be in quarantine after their flights.

BA claim this is only a stop gap, till the Monkeys are fully qualified, the equal pay commission report dogs do not like peanuts.

[Kiltrash]

What you don't see is that when the Hostie brings in the coffee (s)he has a valid reason to complain the cockpit smells like a kennel.

[Kiltrash]

BA Later regretted putting Palm Trees in the Pilots reporting centre to make the workplace a calmer experience.

[NutLoose]

Sorry folks we have a technical issue so it’s walkies...

[NutLoose]

I’m SuperLabrador, I don’t need a plane to fly!

https://youtu.be/6NvBGb5lf78

[622]

Some wonderful entries...definitely making me chuckle..

....judging will be tomorrow PM

[Dan Gerous]

Do you think these Foster Grants make me look like Lassie?

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSP6Vh1muiANYUYgG3syjTrXK4Ca9H0sEPLlA&usqp=CAU

[Dan Gerous]

Right, all I need is a watch and I'm good to go.

[Dan Gerous]

I don't care if you are a pilot Sir, we don't allow dogs in this hotel.

[NutLoose]

You seen the new hostie? she's a right bitch.

[Wensleydale]

Right, all I need is a watch and I'm good to go.

does this make him a Watch Dog?

[Chu Chu]

That's the last time I send Hoskins for a dog clutch and a pilot bearing.

[Chu Chu]

Too late, the producers of the new Robert L. Scott biopic discovered they'd hired a dyslexic screenwriter.

[cattletruck]

With HR's introduction of the new quota system every man, woman and their dog now has an equal chance for a job in the left seat.

[Dan Gerous]

Yes I am a pilot, but no I'm not a God, I'm a Dog.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSP6Vh1muiANYUYgG3syjTrXK4Ca9H0sEPLlA&usqp=CAU

[Dan Gerous]

My owner had a wee bit to much to drink last night, so I swapped him some hair, for his uniform.

[Kiltrash]

When I joined up said i wanted to fly the B1 not the Bone
or
Yes I do have a right Boner

[NutLoose]

During the war, i was involved in the Battle of Barking Creek don't you know. God it was woof.

[Kiltrash]

Desperate to get his flying hours up FO Rover signed up to fly anywhere in the World with any Cargo but drew the line at
a) Rubber Dog Sh1t out of Hong Kong
or
b) Flying to Korea.

[Kiltrash]

All went well till his retirement flight and they turned the Water Canons on him.

[Kiltrash]

After a particularly taxing flight the crew all departed to the pub. Fo Rex was charged with looking after the Kitty as he was the only one drinking water.

[Kiltrash]

Rover hopes to get off the B737 soon as he feels the rudder issues would be the " tail wagging the dog "

[NutLoose]

Ryanair carries 550 passengers on their 737 Max..... 200 seated and 350 living in the pilots fur.

[Chu Chu]

Are you Sirius?

[Chu Chu]

I was sure I'd be named the CA pilot of the year. But they said I'd just missed it in 2018 and would have to wait until 2030.

[Kiltrash]

Before this? I used to be a St Bernard in the Alps, you know, barrel of brandy and all that, but i was reprimanded for drinking on the job. So I became a Pilot when...
a) Due to Global Warming the snow and hence my reason to exist dried up
or
b) the blood alcohol per litre as a Pilot was less

Sorry i'll have to curtail this interview, Everton are just cumming on the Telly...

[Buster Hyman]

Rubber dog **** out of HKG? Mate, I’ll fill the cargo hold myself, no need for any rubber.

[cavuman1]

Rex lost his job when he was caught drinking from the forward toilet.

- Ed

[fitliker]

Ruff landings will get you sent to the dog house for remedial / recurrent training !

[NutLoose]

I’m a sniffer dog, I sniff her and her and her....

[fitliker]

By the time the new pups reach command age , they are ready to retire in dog years .

Seven years to command status , that is a whole career in doggie years .

[Ascend Charlie]

Are you Sirius?

I am Sirius, and don't call me, Shirley!

[Ascend Charlie]

Somebody said the hostie was a real dog.

[Kiltrash]

Using her big eyes tries to pull her Prince by pretending to be a actress Pilot...

[Kiltrash]

No this is Bruce Dickensons record collection. But puts me in the mood.

[Kiltrash]

Having starred in " Catch me if you can " Di Caprio does not feel typecast ...

[622]

Well done all, going to call this early as I will not be here later today,

Some fantastic entries as always, but there can only be one best of breed...and this time it's Nutloose with:

They don't let me fly anymore, last time they asked me to take the stick, I did and ran off down the cabin with it.

Well done sir, heres the CST.....now fetch!

[NutLoose]

Thank you, I shall promptly dig a hole in the flower bed and bury it.. :E

Onwards and upwards, try this one.:)


https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/945x1227/aviation24_4356cacd61e8050fcad0121c7f768b237d213d9e.jpg

[622]

I would give it 5 minutes before you go back in there chaps....

[Kiltrash]

What-what eh Watson-Watt
​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

Now all we have to do is invent the missiles and Biggin will be safe

[Kiltrash]

Instead of Chain Home all Jerry would see would look like a Trig Point.

[Kiltrash]

Sky TV Engineers set up the first home Satelite Dish . Works great but the signal drops out every 15 Seconds