Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Putin looks across and realises Western Airlines have fit birds as copilot. ....Later defects. ..

[Kiltrash]

On Christmas Day when the hatch opened the crew of the ISS were not expecting him as their Secret Santa...

[OMAAbound]

"I have heard that dropping blue-ice is more deadly that than the missiles!"

OMAA

[Wrightwing]

"Ten little maids from school are we"

[Wensleydale]

"It's sleek, very fast, and can outrun any threat, although it is a little dear". Vlad the Impala.

[arf23]

I love knobs

[cynicalint]

When I said I wanted to play Blackjack, what I meant was...

[Big Pistons Forever]

No Mr Bond, I expect you to die ….

[Beamr]

Sun Tzu: Great leaders lead from the front.
Putin: Khorosho, ready to leave for Kiev.

[Kiltrash]

Great Leader shows his Big Red Knob to the West...

[Kiltrash]

The new British Airways Uniform for Captains on flights to Red Countries.

[Kiltrash]

Very good Mr President, but I don't think Hoskinski has anything to worry about as a Crash Test Dummy...

[Kiltrash]

Putin...
Where's the Guns button?...
Funky
Sorry Mr President, the only cockpit big enough for your ample spreading girth was a transport aircraft...

[Buster Hyman]

I can't breathe in this thing!

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/400x211/f9cc7ddc_c710_4adc_b59d_09dbd3fe53a3_text_0d9884db0b53f73d7d 74e048d35ee685a20abadb.gif
*Not the current CapComp pic!

[DirtyProp]

Is this the vodka dispenser?

[MPN11]

“I have had my PCR Test … it says Putin Clearly Rules … OK?”

[Kiltrash]

At this years (2005) Ref Flag in Nevada, the rules are changed to allow the Pilots to fly what they bring. However the guest country seems to have brought out the Big Guns...

[ORAC]

Musk flattens Branson in the PR game when he reveals his guest astronaut for the first Starship launch…..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/870x572/image_316fe7b080f9b560ac7ac5e8d141789e3ab482e4.jpeg


And in the little blue bag ve have the SALT agreement Vhich ve vill drop first before ve reduce them to a crisp

[Buster Hyman]

"Alexei! Are you going to offer him a booster seat or shall I?"

[Kiltrash]

Intercom crackles...
Major Kongski, the bum doors won't close....
Don't you mean the ' Bomb Bay Doors?'
No have you see the state of the KahzI ??

[Kiltrash]

Putin looks surprised as the autopilot slowly deflates, however worse was to come when he was told where the manual inflation tube is located

[Kiltrash]

Yes he exclaimed but I have given myself " Release of Nuclear Weapons " is authorised...cuts out all this Chain of Command crap

[Kiltrash]

Putin wonders why there is a slobbering Siberian Husky in the co pilots seat. Finds out who is just along for the ride to open the tin of dog food...
( Isn't automation just wonderfull )

[NutLoose]

I vould have had you photograph me topless, but these straps fair chaffe around da nipples.

[NutLoose]

For the last time, stop pressing the call bell, there is no concierge on this flight.

[treadigraph]

As the relationship with the West cools further, Aeroflot is forced to buy whatever aircraft it can get hold of...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So, you say Biden thinks I would not have the guts to push this button?

[Kiltrash]

Radio crackles

Congratulations Mr President I can confirm you are officially the fastest Politician ...ever
( softly) apart from John Glenn

[Dan Gerous]

See what I get for my air miles :ok:

[Kiltrash]

In Paris Captain Bannister, invited up to see the TU144 cockpit, was surprised to see full pressure suit and ejector seat...
" Don't you have much confidence in your design Alexei? "

[NutLoose]

And if I eject, count to 100 backwards before following me out Sir.

[cavuman1]

These Japanese toilets are really getting fancy!

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Sir this is the all new Cockpit, Female for the use off..and don't EVER touch that button....

Why, I'm the President of the Russian Federation, and I can do what ever I want...push...

Putin wakes up in hospital, Covered in blood stained bandages...what happened??

You just had to push that button, didn't you?

Why yes, what happened? Did it fire the ejector seat?

No, its the automatic Tampon Removal Device.

[Ascend Charlie]

Putin boldly goes where Trump would NEVER go. Can you imagine Donny fitting his hair into that helmet?

[SLXOwft]

Здравствуйте товарищи!
Time to pull the black and yellow handle on VVP playing with the VVS.

Mention for ingenuity to Wensleydale for "It's sleek, very fast, and can outrun any threat, although it is a little dear". Vlad the Impala.

However, in reverse order:

Third is ORAC: When Putin offered NATO the option of settling differences over Ukraine using Blackjack, there was a problem in translation….


Second is Beamr: Sun Tzu: Great leaders lead from the front. Putin: Khorosho, ready to leave for Kiev.




The winner is Wensleydale: The first one to call me an "aviator" gets sent to Siberia.

The CST (Which I have always assumed to be a solid silver model of a Chippie) is on its way. У вас есть контроль!

[Wensleydale]

Many Thanks!

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x702/258876501_10225218917436056_2763375576913266858_n_8c247554c4 169fd23f4f3d451bb7feb561f895b2.jpg

[Ninthace]

The winner and runners up of the sqn farting contest pose with evidence of the winning fart.

[treadigraph]

Tell the cooks to go easier on the curry powder next time we have a Raj night in the mess...

(Just to get that one out of the way)
(Vlad the Impala was my choice for a winner! :})

[MPN11]

The absence of officers was attributed to their attendance at Hoskins' latest Unit Enquiry.

[Buster Hyman]

Well! That's the last time we go to Speke Bertie!

[Buster Hyman]

"...and the Ginger said, "Where's that draft coming from?"...oh how we laughed!"

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins said he was going to show us this brilliant idea that he called an Ejector seat!
Well, what is it?
Dunno. Haven't seen him since!

[SLXOwft]

SWO: The repairs can wait, you two in the hole: barbers, at the double!

[NutLoose]

You should have heard the language coming out of the mid upper gunner when it hit, worst case of turret’s syndrome I’ve ever heard.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Not a Caption
If that is the mid upper gunner sitting in the turret, and all he got out of that was a bandaid on his temple, he is one lucky man!

[NutLoose]

It was a delicate operation to remove the skipper from the Lancaster when it was realised he was pinned to the upper fuselage by a 57mm shell up his ass.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Maybe next time we try to hide the damage from the camera we stand in front of it?

[Dan Gerous]

It might look flash and impress the birds skipper, but a sun roof on a night bomber!

[Ninthace]

If you knows of a better hole - go to it!

[ShyTorque]

“Well, so now we know what button B does!”

[Wensleydale]

Not a Caption
If that is the mid upper gunner sitting in the turret, and all he got out of that was a bandaid on his temple, he is one lucky man!

Sergeant D Cameron, the pilot of Handley Page Halifax B Mark II, HR837 'NP-F', of No. 158 Squadron RAF, poses with two of his crew amidst the damage caused when it was hit by a falling bomb from another aircraft while raiding Cologne on the night of 28/29 June 1943. In spite of the severe damage to the fuselage, none of the crew were injured and Cameron managed to fly HR837 back to the Squadron's base at Lisset, Yorkshire. HR837 was repaired and flew a further 11 operations with the Squadron before being turned over to No. 1656 Heavy Conversion Unit.

[Chu Chu]

And I though only the French had bombed Halifax.

[cavuman1]

"I say, shall we call in the exterminator to spray for termites?"

- Ed

[fitliker]

Early attempts at outdoor areas for smoking sections on aircraft did not prove to be very popular as nobody could get their fags lit .

[NutLoose]

Paddy says he has learnt his lesson and next time will Pierce the lid before heating up the tinned beans.

[NutLoose]

At least Bert the radio operator went out like he lived, I asked whose round it was, turned around and he was gone.

[NutLoose]

Well you did tell him to go remove the cut here area off the aircraft, next time I’d specify the markings only.

[Chu Chu]

Air-to-air rearming trial reveals more development is needed.

[cynicalint]

It wasn't my fault chief! A big bomber did it and ran away!

[SLXOwft]

F/Sgt Hoskins and his crew were unimpressed by the results of the first weapons release trials of the new disloyal wingman, the HP Heptonstall.

[Kiltrash]

Tail end Charlie always thought he had the most dangerous position in the flight, till he was assigned the lowest level.

[Kiltrash]

In an attempt to improve recruitment, MOD Specified no upper limit to Aircrew hight. However when 10' 12" Sgt Hoskins applied, alterations to the Aircraft interior was needed.

[Kiltrash]

Who knew a fly last down the Mall for the Kings Birthday was so dangerous if the timings with the accompanied Fireworks display was slightly off..

[Kiltrash]

With friends like this, who needs enemies
or
Pilot above who dropped the bonb claimed a kill, till he met with Sgt Cameron

[ShyTorque]

“OK, got it now…..barrels outside before pulling trigger!”

[Ninthace]

Hoskins discovers the down side of cutting the circuit, especially at night.

[NutLoose]

I told Smithy not to smoke on the Elsan after we all had that ruby last night.

[Kiltrash]

Mid upper thought he was in the safest position ...when 60000 foot became achievable.. but it was Bloody cold....

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x702/258876501_10225218917436056_2763375576913266858_n_8c247554c4 169fd23f4f3d451bb7feb561f895b2.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Del Monte, perhaps you need to re design your safety Tin opener

[Kiltrash]

Well that's not something to be proud off. Only one mission and busted back to Blighty.....Deserter. ..

[treadigraph]

I should stop smiling if I were you lads - apparently what hit you was none other than the Staish in a Miles Master. I gather the Fire Brigade are still trying to get him and his 'chute down from the top of a large oak tree near Lincoln....

[NutLoose]

The flak was so thick you could walk on it, indeed we did, rather crunchy underfoot if one’s interested.

[NutLoose]

It was one of our own Sqn with a bouncing bomb, it bounced off us on its way to Germany.

[NutLoose]

Bloody dog, it’s not house trained yet.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Caption off
Sergeant D Cameron, the pilot of Handley Page Halifax B Mark II, HR837 'NP-F', of No. 158 Squadron RAF, poses with two of his crew amidst the damage caused when it was hit by a falling bomb from another aircraft while raiding Cologne on the night of 28/29 June 1943. In spite of the severe damage to the fuselage, none of the crew were injured and Cameron managed to fly HR837 back to the Squadron's base at Lisset, Yorkshire. HR837 was repaired and flew a further 11 operations with the Squadron before being turned over to No. 1656 Heavy Conversion Unit.
I did see that when I did a Google search for the image. A split second further ahead, or delay to the bomb drop, and the bomb probably would have gone through the turret. I guess those are the minuscule things that divide life and death.

Caption on.

Sergeant in hole: My smile is rather forced. The bomb didn't go out the bottom. I'm standing on it.

[Kiltrash]

The insurance company refused to pay out, unless you can supply the other Pilots Name and Number

[Kiltrash]

I'm sure there's a quip somewhere here about Lewis running into Max and getting away with it but be dammed if I can find it..

[Kiltrash]

....and that's why we don't let the Bomb Aimer also be the Navigator.

[Kiltrash]

Later it was discovered the Squadron were only dropping on the Pathfinder lead. Unfortunately the Pathfinder was Halifax HR837

[MPN11]

Early Covid-19 precautions to ensure good ventilation were a bit haphazard.

[NutLoose]

Aircrew, they breed like rabbits...

https://www.flickr.com/photos/39411748@N06/6368384279

[MPN11]

The Crew were grateful to Miss Doris Hoskins for her inept work in the local Bomb Fuse factory.

[Dan Gerous]

Did anyone check if the bomb passed right through?

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x702/258876501_10225218917436056_2763375576913266858_n_8c247554c4 169fd23f4f3d451bb7feb561f895b2.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

Lucky we weren't pathfinding on a Grand Slam mission.

[Chu Chu]

I guess that "no step" stencil was there for a reason.

[Kiltrash]

After the crews miraculous return, Mrs Worthington -Smyth felt the men needed a get away from it all break off the Station, especially as her husband had been captured by the Germans and would be a POW for the remainder of the war. She promised the Squadron the men would be back later this week, ...or at least by Christmas.

( Nutty's updated picture ) sorry

[Kiltrash]

Back to the original

To allay fears that some men had not survived, the Daily Mail insisted that 3 additional random crew posed as well

[Kiltrash]

Algy discovered where the strange whinning noise came from on the way back to Base....Thought Nigel was having one of his turns on the intercom

[Kiltrash]

Does my bomb look big in this...
hat, coat, door

[Kiltrash]

....Deep suck in through clenched teeth..
.You want it back WHEN
or
This is gonna cost you. ..
or
Don't think they still make the parts

or insert ANY excuse a Tradsperson has ever given you why a job is gonna cost more, take longer or won't be what you wanted ...

[NutLoose]

We’re not cut out for this type of work.

[NutLoose]

Draughty, it almost blew our caps off.

[Wensleydale]

I'll have a judge tomorrow at some time.

W.

[Chu Chu]

Let me guess: Hoskins has taken up repousse.

Yep. And if it means he's stopped designing silk purses, I'm all for it.

[NutLoose]

Geez… worst case of tin worm I’ve ever seen.

[Kiltrash]

Worse case of engine vibration ever seen

[Kiltrash]

Sgt Cameron had a lucky escape after storm Barra passes and the crew cleared away the downed trees

[Kiltrash]

...and after this picture was published in the Good 'ol US of A, Boeing decided it was a good idea to fit waist gunners to the B-17.

[Wensleydale]

As Sgt Cameron invites the local WAAFs to dispersal to take a photograph of his bomb hole, it is time to judge. Can't resist a good pun (or even a bad one) so the winner is:

You should have heard the language coming out of the mid upper gunner when it hit, worst case of turret’s syndrome I’ve ever heard.

Congratulations.

W.

[NutLoose]

Thank you :)

Ok, lets see what you can do with this young lady.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x400/1638883047_7b2511db9237fda29d6a60b0109675334c35532c.jpeg

[cynicalint]

What? Nutloose has finally fallen off his thread you said...

[622]

Ahhh, very good...Ones been expecting you...

...One would like a large 99 with extra sprinkles....and two flakes!

[Kiltrash]

No Master of the Photos, I can still see those 2 creeps, Andrew and Harry. ....rearrange immediately. ..

[Kiltrash]

Oh what..**** me..Tuesday again...already. ..Oh ok show him in...Arrange for a call in 90 Seconds that I'm needed in the Royal Toilet. ...and DON'T be late

[Kiltrash]

Oh you have found me a space in St Augustus Home for the Senile and Elderly....OK tell Charles to pack his bags and move there...., I'm staying put

[Kiltrash]

Now tell me again, just how you lost me £100m by dropping it overboard....and make it good this time

[Kiltrash]

No I'm going to have to insist on seeing your I'd, ...That Jeanette Charles is on the loose again.

[Kiltrash]

Yes ma'am I've had all the dogs poo* removed from the Axminster. I will ensure that the Prime Minister does go to the toilet BEFORE next week's audience

* PPRuNe won't allow the word **** so I had to improvise

[MPN11]

“… and please pop to IKEA to get a replacement for this chair.”

[Beamr]

Yes ma'am, you do need to provide a valid Covid pass before we can let you enter the public area of Buckingham palace.

[andytug]

I don't care how smart the commissionaire looks, the Palace is not and will never be a hotel!

[SLXOwft]

Three yaars in the job, eh? Well done I suppose, I have been in mine nearly seventy but then they can't pension me orf in favour of a sailor.

[Chu Chu]

We're getting early reports that Halifax may have lost a bit of Crown. We should have an update from the Tower soon.

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ
The small ad asked for someone to help me reply to the begging letters, .... and help with light duties, What do you mean there are NO applicants??
Flunky
No ma'am seems that PPRuNe on Social Media managed to scare them all off....
HMTQ
Bring me that Nutloose chappies head...on a spike..

[Kiltrash]

Remind me again , Which of the Commonwealth Countries do you represent. ...
After devolution...England...

[Kiltrash]

Yes ma'am after equal equality I'm your new bottom wiper
( seems that's all I'm qualified for after the latest Cock up's on my watch )

[Self loading bear]

Your Majesty,
I wanted to inform you 4 hours ago that there was no use to it that you would test our new camo suit yourselves. But I could not find you between the floral furniture.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x400/1638883047_7b2511db9237fda29d6a60b0109675334c35532c.jpeg

[Dan Gerous]

Well it started off as a 10,000 piece jigsaw, but we thought it was so nice, we had it mounted and framed.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Damned Royal Hangman got it wrong again, that's not the way we tie a noose. Orf with his head!"

[treadigraph]

Did you say your name is Carter? Weren't you the Captain of the Good Ship Venus?

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

That lanyard of your looks suspiciously like ones bell ring to the kitchens that went missing

[Wensleydale]

Your Majesty....I am afraid that you are no longer "The Queen", but "The Monarch". I need your permission to re-write the National Anthem.

[cavuman1]

Double O Seven tells us that you are just the man to rid us of our annoying Harry problem....

- Ed

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

One is doing One's bit so as to be as one with One's subjects in these austere times. Having said that, it's not that bloody cold in here.

[Big Pistons Forever]

You will do, you have the Windsor nose

[Kiltrash]

Yes ma'am, it appears you broke Covid Rules by having a Cheese and Wine party last Christmas, but don't worry compared to the Government you are loved by the country

[Kiltrash]

No sorry I know you won the ' Get the Queen a new partner ' contest on Ch4 hosted by Davina but I'm sorry it just won't work due to our height difference. ....said the flunky. ....

[Kiltrash]

Your Chandelier ma'am, yes I have found you a nice local trader with 2 lovely assistants to clean and repair. They are experts on Louis 14 ones, been in the trade for 3 generations. I believe they are the ones who helped you back to the Palace when the Bentley broke down on you in Windsor Park. .
Only thing they insist on Cash no cards, VAT or Income tax. ..

[Kiltrash]

Ma'am, we have had Ch4 on the phone, they would like to come and do a programme on the Windsor Castle makeover, only thing is you would need to move into a caravan in the grounds. They do promise to keep the noise down.

[Buster Hyman]

Did you see that? He brake tested Hamilton! Get me the SAS!

[Buster Hyman]

...resulting in more trouble in the South China Sea!
Indeed.... Do we have any assets in that area?
Well, there's still a few Commonwealth countries Ma'am, but no dependencies as such.
Ahh...Independence is a bitch eh! What else is news?

[Dan Gerous]

This furniture is ghastly, where did it come from?
It was mostly from DFS and IKEA your Majesty.
Well now that they've buggered off to America, burn it and get some of the good stufff down from the attic.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x400/1638883047_7b2511db9237fda29d6a60b0109675334c35532c.jpeg

[Kiltrash]

Have you seen where we put my mother??
I believe that Prince Philip turfed out the Ashes and used the urn for a crafty fag...hoped you would not notice ...

[Kiltrash]

...and speaking of Ashes, how did we do Overnight? ?
Perhaps you might want to sit down and reconsider your New Years Honors list

[Kiltrash]

No sorry ma'am, Even the BBC Repair shop have said the Wingback Chair is beyond hope.
But its a family heirloom, is a Wedding Present from that nice Mr Chamberlain, in fact that's the very seat Philip was in when he passed away, when the seat spring went TWANG....

[622]

I can ask them ma'am, but Im not sure that portrait will be good enough for the next cap comp!

[ShyTorque]

Nice tinsel, but one is still having a Christmas tree.

[MPN11]

"And how are the plans for the Staff Party progressing?"

[Kiltrash]

I'm sorry, ma'am but it appears all the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish ( and Canadians, Australians even the Barbadian ) viewers have voted you to be next out the Castle.. Still look on the bright side, You get to be interviewed on Lorraine tomorrow..

[Kiltrash]

I'm fed up having to look up at everyone....Get Tom Cuise to play you on the next edition of ' The Crown '

[Kiltrash]

I'm sorry ma'am but it appears when the BBC Reported ' London Bridge ' was down Charles rushed over to try on the Throne. Unfortunately in his haste he ran over and killed Flossie your favourite Corgi. ...

What... have him stuffed then...

What Flossie? ?

No you clot Charles....Where's that pad of Death Warrents

Oh and the BBC apologise it should have been Tower Bridge was down on the morning news...

[Kiltrash]

There's a Nigerian Princess on the phone....
The Phone? What is it?..
It's a black electrical device that let's you speak with other people, but that's not important just now.

[Kiltrash]

Well yes, I do know Mr Epstein and Miss Maxwell, Andrew introduced them to me, and a very nice couple they are. Why??
Well the FED's are here to have a word. ..

[Kiltrash]

You know you asked me a couple of days ago about the F35b we lost in the Mediterranean? Well Able Seaman Hoskins ( who else ) has been found culpable and as First Sea Lord I humbly ask your permission to Keel Haul him under your namesake... ..

[treadigraph]

What do you mean, civvies are not allowed to abseil out of Her Majesty's helicopters? Who's Queen? I abseiled out of a helicopter at the Olympics and as Head of the Armed Forces AND your boss, I'll damned well do it again!

[Kiltrash]

Prince Edward been on the phone, saying he thinks he's getting too old to be the Fairy on the Tree again this year..

[Buster Hyman]

If you think you're retiring me like they did to Judi Dench, then prepare to be disappointed!

[MPN11]

“The PM has spawned another one? Does he expect an OBE, or an Industry award?”

[Local Variation]

Hello Ma'am, one of the Corgi's has eaten my hat again.

[MPN11]

“Are you wearing a mask?”

”No, Ma’am, it’s just the Botox treatment.”

[Dan Gerous]

I don't care if he has just had another child, I'm still sacking him in the morning.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x400/1638883047_7b2511db9237fda29d6a60b0109675334c35532c.jpeg

[Ascend Charlie]

"Find the person who put purple dye in the handwash, and send him to the Tower!"

[Kiltrash]

It appears your Government have put forward to raise the retirement age to 90. Quoting your long life in one one job as the reasoning. ..

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Marm, we were going to get that chair reupholstered, and we had some fabric sent up to do so, but it seems to have gone missing. You haven't seen it have yo........

[NutLoose]

Last orders, scoring today so a new one can be up for the weekend.

[Kiltrash]

Ma'am, we have had the Prime Minister on the phone, asking does the Palace have any recommendations for contractors to re furbished the residential flat in 10 Downing Street...
Oh yes, give him the number of O'Rilley. I understand he did a wonderfull job at Fawltey Towers ...

[MPN11]

"One would like it recovered in ... umm ... chintz."

"Bless you, Ma'am."

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

"Mam, please may I ask that you stop covering yourself in copydex and running at the curtains"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Once One threads these flowers through One's hair, One will be damn near invisible in the south garden.

[ORAC]

I’m afraid I have some bad news about Mr Bond your Majesty, your next jumb from the helicopter will have to be solo…

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ...a hat, A hat my Kingdom for a hat...
1SL...it's on the stand behind you...There meet King Nick I

[Kiltrash]

I'm afraid Ma'am even the Charity shop has returned this chair....smells of wee

[Kiltrash]

This was not the response I expected with a Internet search for " queen with pearl necklace "

[Dan Gerous]

No your majesty, he hasn't judged it yet.
Right, then that's Nutloose off the New Year's honour list.

[Kiltrash]

Well I for one will not be watching the ' Duel in the Desert " I have had enough watching grown men racing round in circles, crashing into each other. I know it was Philips favourite pastime but one must move on...

[Kiltrash]

It appears the Royal Food Taster has come down with something nasty and contagious so we have had to close the Royal Kitchen, so what would you like for dinner, Big Mac and fries or KFC...
( other fast food outlets are available on Deliveroo )
( other food delivery services are available )

[Kiltrash]

It appears we have been approached by CH5 they would like to do a documentary on your ' Care in the Community ' experiences. However to make it show it warts and all they would like you to move into a sub standard council estate care home...and 400 tenants from Toxteth get to live in the Palace...

[Kiltrash]

Ma'am, I understand you have lost all confidence in your Prime Minister and unless the Conservative party replace him you will call a election ... As your parting gift to the Country we feel this will get you a gig with Andrew Marr and Kay Burley..

[Kiltrash]

Unfortunately Ma'am, according to Government Guidelines you have to work from home....now which house do you want to nominate as your home??
( Ps hope Nutty is alright 😁)

[NutLoose]

My apologies for my tardiness, work got in the way, i will score it now, that and having to read through war and peace… or was it Kiltrash’s entries, which are probably longer…;)

Ok the one that even surprised me and I hadn’t noticed until I read it was Ascend Charlie’s entry

"Find the person who put purple dye in the handwash, and send him to the Tower!"

Beamr with

Yes ma'am, you do need to provide a valid Covid pass before we can let you enter the public area of Buckingham palace.

Kiltrash with

Oh what..**** me..Tuesday again...already. ..Oh ok show him in...Arrange for a call in 90 Seconds that I'm needed in the Royal Toilet. ...and DON'T be late


and 622 with

Ahhh, very good...Ones been expecting you...

...One would like a large 99 with extra sprinkles....and two flakes!

but the winner is Ascend Charlie.


​​​​​​…

[Ascend Charlie]

Sorry for the delay, been a huge weekend and I am fresh out of pix.

OPEN HOUSE!

[Kiltrash]

Hi Nutty and AC. Please can I pop this one up, ,I know its not Military but there is a Aviation element
In honour of the what is probably the main sport event of the day and will call this on Monday evening once any dust settles...

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x400/lewis_hamilton_and_max_verstappen_very_likely_to_crash_again _e49a5c172c8134c89dbd5771ee7441fac86a8e62.jpg

[MPN11]

"... and as they come out of the last corner ... oh, no, Hoskins has forgotten his spectacles again ..."

[Buster Hyman]

Normally, a lift back to the pits involves just the driver on the car…

[Buster Hyman]

…and, some months later, a Formula 3 car is born…

[Buster Hyman]

Max. I think you’ve taken the ‘Red Bull gives you wings’ a little too far.

[Dan Gerous]

Do you need a jump start mate?

[treadigraph]

Red Bull doesn't give itself wings, it needs a bunk up...

[Buster Hyman]

No, no, no! Let me explain the drive through penalty again Max…

[thermick127]

Remember Hoskins, its Mirror, Signal. Manoeuvre.

[NutLoose]

Max..

Why the **** are they penalising me, I’m only OVERtaking him, and that’s in the rules.

[Self loading bear]

Duck, Lewis Duck!

[ORAC]

The new F1 synchro pair proved a smash hit at Monza….

[cynicalint]

"Verstappen, four greens, finals to land"

[Self loading bear]

Not the last time MaX ended on top!

[Wensleydale]

If Air Traffic Control did Formula One........

[cavuman1]

When NASCAR drivers try Formula One....

- Ed

[Beamr]

Max giving a whole new meaning for short cutting.

[Kiltrash]

Who knows what's gonna happen....keep captioning

[andytug]

Bit late on the round out there, Max Hoskins.....

[andytug]

"Tower.... I'd like to report another vehicle on the runway!"

[artee]

"And now I get to restart right behind you with new tyres".

[fitliker]

Putting the Mad into Mad Max is not easy .

Putting the wreck into reckless made easy

[Ascend Charlie]

Ecclestone's plans to add spice to the Formula Flying Cars need a little tweaking.

[fitliker]

Never hit the brakes if there is a mad max at your six or a van strap on

Never brake always swerve .

[Big Pistons Forever]

Definitely fast jet material as he seems willing to do anything to win

[Big Pistons Forever]

Reminds me of a senior Air Force officer I knew… there was no bum too smelly to sniff.

[treadigraph]

Now wait, let's see just how elastic the rule book is about this one...

[Dan Gerous]

Although Fred Flinstone realises that people round the world may not like him, he knows the folk in Abu Dhabi do.

[Buster Hyman]

No I said they'll unlap the cars, not sit on their lap!

[NutLoose]

And it looks like Hamilton is going for the undercut.

[622]

In an attempt to get their well worn tyres to the end of the race....Red Bull come up with an interesting stretegy!

[622]

Max Verstappen complains of an annoying whining sound coming from underneath his car! :E

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x400/lewis_hamilton_and_max_verstappen_very_likely_to_crash_again _e49a5c172c8134c89dbd5771ee7441fac86a8e62_5b3f8a16617dada2f2 7b79b4bf88e77e6de50941.jpg

[thermick127]

Red Bull discover that their revolutionary use of VTOL to jump ahead of Hamilton needs some improvement

[Kiltrash]

OK all this story could run and run for several weeks / months but all good things must come to a end...so last orders please call by 9pm uk tonight.

[NutLoose]

Leaving the pits Hamilton extends the run out of the underpass.

[treadigraph]

You'll take the high road and I'll take the low road and I'll be in Complaints afore ye....

[MPN11]

“Offside” shouted a Rugby fan.
”Inside” shouted a British petrol-head.
”Outside” shouted an EU citizen accustomed to driving on the wrong side.
”Owzat” shouted a cricket fan who was watching the wrong TV channel.

[MPN11]

]https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x400/lewis_hamilton_and_max_verstappen_very_likely_to_crash_again _e49a5c172c8134c89dbd5771ee7441fac86a8e62_5b3f8a16617dada2f2 7b79b4bf88e77e6de50941.jpg[/

[Kiltrash]

Evening all, or Good Day in Australia.
I would have had a quip about Boeing and max
However in Runner Up position we have 622 with

Max Verstappen complains of an annoying whining sound coming from underneath his car! https://www.pprune.org/images/smilies/evil.gif

However the Winner can only be Buster with

Max. I think you’ve taken the ‘Red Bull gives you wings’ a little too far.

Now unless Mercedes make a legit complaint to the Judge and Jury, the Coffman Trophy will be oon the way soon..

[Buster Hyman]

When you say Mercedes, you mean Nutty right?

Anyway, thanks very much Kilty. Lets see if we can't get the Palace on the phone to Pprune Towers eh!


https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x600/prince_andrew_the_duke_of_york_pilots_a_royal_air_force_news _photo_3067068_1534174882_d27ce3ceb3d166a6e99b73e8623a97815a 1e9db6.jpg

[622]

Latest pic of HRH Andy with his chopper again!

[NutLoose]

Want to see my little puppy?

[Kiltrash]

Hey Chiefy, there's a bit of **** on my chopper, don't you know who I am??
Obviously yes we do.. ..

[NutLoose]

The gloves? yes, I don't want to leave any incriminating fingerprints in the playroom..

[Kiltrash]

I'm going on official business to Scotland on behalf of the Queen, I hope you packed my clubs this time

[Kiltrash]

Target that size, how the 'ell did the Argy missle miss?

[NutLoose]

Coffee?, i'd love one, make it a Maxwell House.

[Kiltrash]

.....and finally, what did Sarah see in him, apart from the size of his....erm hands?

[treadigraph]

Just popping out for a pizza. Er, can I park my chopper somewhere safe in Woking?

[NutLoose]

We are doing a detachment to Virginia...... cool I'll be right up for that.

[NutLoose]

When they said look for the tell tale drip at the Gem engine, one was expecting oil not you Sir.

[Kiltrash]

Earl of Wessex? na mate that's me brover, im the Duke of York...

[Kiltrash]

As the Fed's try to track down Prince Andrew they were surprised by a tip to find the Duke of York round the back of Buckingham Palace, 130-134 Victoria Street London EC1....

[Kiltrash]

Hi I'm your Heli Ambulance Driver you'll be pleased to see me...
Na leave me here i'll wait for Prince William..

[Kiltrash]

Grease Monkey? No I'm the Pilot that's why i get to wear the white gloves

[cavuman1]

"And if I duck 10 times each second, I won't be decapitated."

- Ed

[NutLoose]

They're Berp rotors, or as we say when you're flying, Berk rotors.

[treadigraph]

Just like a rollin' stone
I'm outside lookin' in
But if your chance came would you take it
Where on earth do I begin
I'm Andy fly me...

[Ascend Charlie]

"You say this one is 16 years old? Nah, get me a younger one!"

[cynicalint]

Wow! THIS air vent really dries ones sweaty armpits quickly!

[Local Variation]

'There's only one seat in this, so you'll have to sit on my lap.'

[Ascend Charlie]

The grand old Duke of York,
He had 10,000 men,
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And then he had them again.

[Kiltrash]

Normally when one has a successful ' kill ' in tbe military one paints a picture of what one has ' killed '
Andrew paints 4 poster beds...

[Kiltrash]

Christmas best seller, ' I was Andrews room mate during The Falklands War '
Lt Cdr Ward.....

[Kiltrash]

After what his father did with a 146, it is no wonder DofY was never tasked with flying HMTQ....
and that's one of the reasons for the Queens long and glorious reign.

[Wensleydale]

I am afraid that the MOD has decided that the title Duke has been deemed sexist, and so you will now be known as a 'His Knob'.

[NutLoose]

Would you like to pull on my collective young lady?

[622]

HRH dissapointed on getting his mount at the AAC historic flight.....he was hoping for a Beaver!

[Kiltrash]

Harry always fancied the idea of an American Actress like his Uncle Andrew , and look how that ended up as well....
( Koo Stark ref to, not Fergie...)

[Kiltrash]

Now where exactly did Sarah Ferguson get the idea for Budgie....


https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x600/prince_andrew_the_duke_of_york_pilots_a_royal_air_force_news _photo_3067068_1534174882_d27ce3ceb3d166a6e99b73e8623a97815a 1e9db6.jpg

[NutLoose]

Lynx? I'm a Brut 33 man, just like Buster..

[Kiltrash]

I can see the problem, my aircrafts over there...

[Kiltrash]

Never could understand why a big strong Pilot could be so scared of a teeny weeny mouse

[NutLoose]

Hi, nice to meet you, i’m the Duke of Por….errr York

[treadigraph]

Any, er, flying positions at Bristow? One's Royal Duties are somewhat, er, screwed...

[Local Variation]

'I'm Randy.......sorry Andy, welcome aboard.'

[Kiltrash]

Hi your Highness, it's the 3rd you forgot you were to be married yesterday,
Was I?, never mind, Miss Piggy will understand..