Caption Competition Mk III

[SASless]

The call for Volunteers for the Eastern Front was not well received!

[Chu Chu]

After the Abwehr warns of hazards from beef cattle, Sea Lion forces practice counter-steer techniques.

[Kiltrash]

The Council put up bollards to stop the hooligans getting away from the Police....damm back to the drawing board Von Hoskins

[Kiltrash]

Early model of the Bat Bike...

[Kiltrash]

As the SS see a member in distress a snappy salute was expected

other Automobile Rescue services are available

[Kiltrash]

Like to see you do that on the wall of death...

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Mr Cruise but due to Covid the budget for the fast expensive cars has been slashed for MI8.

[Kiltrash]

Getting back from a pub crawl in Liverpool the stolen wheel was not a problem

[Chu Chu]

After a trip to the Ritz for a Headquarters meeting, the problem isn't the sidecar -- it's the sidecars.

[Kiltrash]

Motorcycle was actually on level ground but the camera was tilted and so Photoshopped was born
Never believe everything the camera shows

[Kiltrash]

Sabine's Grandad and friends went for a spin round the Nürburgring, and so the legend was born.

[Kiltrash]

Dunno about you lads, but don't think the crankshaft is fully balanced..

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/454x359/motorbike_592335f7048a51b95ec6296666f2d7882ded3199.jpg

[Ascend Charlie]

Copying its masters, the motorcycle raises one wheel to fart.

[cattletruck]

It all ends in a Messer****t.

[Dan Gerous]

I said take us to Kiel, not make us keel over.

[Kiltrash]

This way the children cant fight over who gets to sit up front with me.

[ShyTorque]

“When they said join the Luftwaffe and get a bit on the side, this isn’t exactly what I thought....”

[Wensleydale]

I'll declare the results tonight!.

W.

[NutLoose]

Vhen in France, drive like zer locals.

[NutLoose]

Vot speed are ve doing?

I cannot tell ze have fitted zer clock in zer headlamp shell.

[Chu Chu]

Pillion: Take the road on the left.
Sidecar: No, the one on the right.
Pillion: No, quick, the one on the left.
Driver: What is this, the Luftwaffle?

[Chu Chu]

Typical. The recruiter promises me something with three BMWs; I get a BMW with three.

[Kiltrash]

At the Status Quo concert the audience roar in when the band strike up with ' In the Army '

[Kiltrash]

At the Cap Comp prize giving ceremony the three Likely Lads all expect to be declared the winner

[Kiltrash]

....and finally, in other news the Police motor cycle display team find a shortage of machines no problem with their routine. .

[SASless]

Kiltrash takes his dos Amigos to the Cap Com announcement with great anticipation!

[Wensleydale]

I am surprized that no-one noticed the European trials that led to the e-scooters at Marham. However, I will award the trophy to Kiltrash, which is to be statistically expected as given the number of his entries, one had to be amusing.


Dunno about you lads, but don't think the crankshaft is fully balanced.

well done Killie. Trophy is en-route.

[MPN11]

Hurry up, they close soon ... but when we get there, someone will buff out the dent in the front of the sidecar.

(damn, just too late!) :ugh:

[Kiltrash]

Many thanks Wensteydale, Am off to Zummerzet for a few days so in the meantime have a go at this...

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/719x438/goldfinger_bef8c93cfe609772d00a9c3a682c9dc8678aee42.jpg

[treadigraph]

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to undergo gender reassignment...

[NutLoose]

Soooo Mr Bond, soon you will be Nutloose and your fame will spread.

[treadigraph]

Kiltrash had yet to be convinced of what the effect of too much Zummerzet zider would feel like...

[NutLoose]

And with fast fibre light technology, ve can stream all past 007 films Mr Bond.

[cavuman1]

Auric Goldfinger picks up where Darth Vader left off....

- Ed

[NutLoose]

It appears ve have been laser designated Mr Bond.

[NutLoose]

Yes mr Bond, but this red light area vil give you more than zer clap.

[Hydromet]

Modern medicine, Mr. Bond. We no longer use a hot needle, it's all done by laser now.

[fitliker]

Bet ya wished you had worn your shiny sporran today , eh McSpougle

[Chu Chu]

Old agents never die, they just laze away.

[NutLoose]

You won’t get anything out of me, I’m Scottish don’t you know.

[NutLoose]

A red hot shaft up between my legs, I’m Royal Navy, I’m used to it, the only thing missing is the barrel.

[cattletruck]

Get with the times Mr Bond, MI6 has a new gender equality policy and need to meet their quotas.

[treadigraph]

Of course I'm not going to kill you - we haven't got to the Pussy Galore joke yet. However, she does, what is the phrase?, bat for the other side and therefore...

[Buster Hyman]

Last chance Mr. Bond. Pull my Goldfinger...

[Buster Hyman]

"You're clearly mishtaken Goldfinger. I'm not Bond. You need to look for some obscure Australian!"

[622]

Oi, sod off Vader...you have had your chance in this competition!

[NutLoose]

I should warn you before you cut into me, I had a curry last night.

[NutLoose]

You don't scare me coldfinger, as an anally retentive jock, I will absorb your laser beam.

[treadigraph]

Is that you Indy - what in hell has happened to you, my boy?

[MPN11]

This may leave you a little saw ...

[SASless]

Bond begins to wonder how the re-make of this would turn out in today's flexible assignment of genders.....as he was quite happy with the original plot.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Choose your jokes wisely, Mr Bond, it may well be your last."
"OK, try this one: A Scotsman, a German and a Korean walk into a gold bar..."

[treadigraph]

Honestly Goldfinger, I may have beaten you at golf but it definitely wasn't me that reversed into your Rolls...

[treadigraph]

If it's all the same to you Goldfinger, I'd much rather have the gold body paint...

[Beamr]

Bond and Goldfinger reveal their deepest secrets at the local SM club: ball busting is so last season, this is all the rage now.

[NutLoose]

You seriously do not think Max Mosely died of natural causes do you Mr Bond, He died strapped to this very table.

[NutLoose]

Do not worry about infection Mr Bond, it has been tested and found to cauterises the wound.

[Kiltrash]

Yippee ' Found ' some Wi Fi in deepest darkest Somerset, am quite near RNAS Yeovilton so not unusual there. Don't even have a phone signal, ....however I digress will call this 13.00 over drinkies time on Thursday so as the boy scouts say..be prepared.

[Chu Chu]

Look on the bright side, Mr. Bond. You'll never have to worry about prostate cancer.

[andytug]

"What do you mean, you booked in for eye surgery not a circumcision?"

[NutLoose]

Don't worry Mr Bond, we will make light work of this.

[NutLoose]

Yes Mr Bond, Cynthia Bond has a nice ring to it, I tried to convince M to change her name when she transitioned too.

[NutLoose]

When they introduced Woke into the Royal Navy I thought then, if I can't beat them, join them.

[622]

No Mr Bond, I expect you to cry like a girl...which in a matter of minutes you may very well be!

[MPN11]

While watching this old movie in the flat above No. 11, Boris imagined a similar scenario involving Dominic.

[Dan Gerous]

I'm afraid I'm going to have to shut your facility down Goldfinger. You do not have the required warning notices for using a laser.

[treadigraph]

Bond thinks: "Typical. Q gave me a gadget to avert everything but this..."

[Buster Hyman]

No Mr. Bond, it’s coming from under the floor. You see, I have acquired some Sharks with friggen laser beams! Muahahaha!

[Kiltrash]

Mine would have been along the lines. ..
No Mr Bond at times like this being hung like a horse would not have been an advantage

or

Yes my latest invention for sheep farmers to castrate their animals and cauterise the wound at the same time. But first we need to test it on humans as required by the animal cruelty society.

however their can only be one winner and that honour this time goes to 622 with.

No Mr Bond, I expect you to cry like a girl...which in a matter of minutes you may very well be!

over to you sir

[622]

Many thanks....so swiftly onto the next!

..away you go!

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSNIDGyJTzaFeygPpLhZWVvLhjQgcK1iBh3xw&usqp=CAU

[treadigraph]

It's a weapon of mess distraction...

[Hydromet]

Remember, just one prick and it's gone.

[treadigraph]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSNIDGyJTzaFeygPpLhZWVvLhjQgcK1iBh3xw&usqp=CAU

[treadigraph]

Join the army they said. See the world they said. Blow things up they said...

[treadigraph]

Hey! Todd! Sergeant wants to know where all the washing up liquid has disappeared to...

[Chu Chu]

The first military deployment of hot air since the Montgolfier brothers. For buoyancy, at least . . .

[andytug]

"But Sarge, you said that due to Covid we had to stay in our own bubbles......?"

[cavuman1]

Lawrence Welk - The Early Years

- Ed

[NutLoose]

You Irish regiments suck at this.

[NutLoose]

Blowing bubbles out of his ring, this game of Chirades was easy, it's Trump..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x427/0420_0909_1111_3456_american_soldier_blowing_bubbles_for_afg han_refugee_children_m_530d8214a4beed326e141aadb5896ca852001 182.jpg

Size matters ;)

[Frostchamber]

As the only West Ham supporter in the 101st Airborne Division, Wikstrom knew what loneliness felt like

[Kiltrash]

Smallest things please the simplest minds

[Kiltrash]

Refugee child thinks
British army gave us chocolate, know which I would have preferred. .

[Kiltrash]

Mister, my mum sent me down to collect silk stockings,
Sorry son owing to diversity this is all we can do now.

[Kiltrash]

Having volunteered for a second tour Hank was surprised to be called Daddy.

[Buster Hyman]

Wikstrom felt that his 'Shock & Awe' tactics worked well on the Children.

[Buster Hyman]

Chinas new Covid delivery system was a resounding success!

[Kiltrash]

This? Well the fancy dress shop was all out of Clown outfits

[Kiltrash]

The children's party entertainer was taking no chances when he took the booking for Toxteth.

[Kiltrash]

The Belgium contingent to the Multi Catholic Arms Service did not feel his talents were being put to good use.

[SASless]

Hyphen-Smyth recreated Sandhurst Tactical Training for Youth Day!

[MPN11]

Grasping child's hand on right ... "Forget the bubbles, I need a drink!"

[NutLoose]

That’s nothing, my Dad blows Americans away.

[NutLoose]

Having heard there was a man with bubbles, the kids were thankful not to see Michael Jackson.

[Chu Chu]

Spheres of influence.

[treadigraph]

The photo caused great excitement in North Korea as Little Fat Wun DEMANDED that his minions discover the secrets of the new bubble gun weapon straight away. Anything that could make his friends enemies meekly surrender like that....

[Ascend Charlie]

Wikstrom had to keep the children amused while the Sgt entertained their mother.

[Kiltrash]

Commander demands to know why he was using a bubble pot. ' cause they were all out of balloons Sir.. '

[Kiltrash]

As Seal team 6 attacked the compound Wikstrom was detailed to keep the children quiet.

[Kiltrash]

Well Jimmy Savile started out as a children's entertainer....look what he became

[Chu Chu]

Proud of his language skills, Wikstrom accepts an invitation to share a hookah with the village elders.

[Chu Chu]

It isn't this man's army anymore, but asking the platoon sergeant for a blow job turned out to be a mistake.

[Beamr]

When children asked Wikstrom to share the bubbles, he went the Bob Dylan way: its blowing in the wind.

[Kiltrash]

Well it was meant to be smoke signals, but not in the presence of minors so had to adapt.

[Kiltrash]

As Wikstrom was running out of puff, a air enema suggestion from MO Hoskins was not gleefully accepted.

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x427/0420_0909_1111_3456_american_soldier_blowing_bubbles_for_afg han_refugee_children_m_530d8214a4beed326e141aadb5896ca852001 182.jpg

After dropping a MOAB the Army sends in the clean up squad

[NutLoose]

Arrrgggghhhhh Children, deploying countermeasures.

[fitliker]

Why do I hear banjo music looking at that ?

Anyone who owns a “Paddle faster I hear Banjo music” T-Shirt would understand

[NutLoose]

Judging by the smell, Wikstrom surmised this was the first time these children or indeed his colleague had ever been near a soap solution.



...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Due to the pacifist policies of his leftist government, when attacked while on deployment in Syria, Wikstrom returned fire with everything at his disposal.

[Dan Gerous]

The Taliban responded by blowing bubbles laced with opium smoke.

]https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x427/0420_0909_1111_3456_american_soldier_blowing_bubbles_for_afg han_refugee_children_m_530d8214a4beed326e141aadb5896ca852001 182.jpg

[treadigraph]

I don't think this new type mic is working properly, all I get are speech bubbles....

[NutLoose]

The US military demonstrate to the locals the size of their sphere of influence in Afghanistan.

[Chu Chu]

Mohammed (hand visible, lower right) calculates the precise bursting radius of the bubbles.

[treadigraph]

Wikstrom created a diversion while his comrades stormed the sunflower oil factory...

[Chu Chu]

After investing in sanitization supplies early in the pandemic, Hoskins (left, middle background) hurries to leave the market before the soap bubble bursts.

[SASless]

Nutty was completely taken by the latest Hi-Tech Wind Direction Sensor provided to the RAF by BAE.

[Kiltrash]

In Downing Street PM Blair watches the live feed as Master Sargent Pied Piper leads the children to safety just as the troops blow the sh!t out of the baby food factory, that Intel had determined was a WMD factory

[Kiltrash]

Owing to noise restrictions the Bagpipe Trumpet section have to find a way to keep their lips flexible

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry Achmed, this will keep them entertained for hours, while we tie their laces together.

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry Ahmed, soon the superglue on the hoop will stick their lips together.

[Ninthace]

Wikstrom uses an analogy to describe the NATO campaign in Afghanistan. Causes a lot of chasing about but is ultimately short lived ending in disappointment and a transitory damp patch (no analogy is perfect)

[Dan Gerous]

Here you go kids, let me blow some bubbles for you, while the CO goes and blows smoke up your daddy's arse.

[Kiltrash]

The West Ham fans make their way to the London Stadium, however as it is in East London additional PPE is required.

[Chu Chu]

Field trials show that the Army's proposed carbon sequestration scheme is unlikely to be effective.

[622]

Slowing down a bit here…so judging tomorrow!

[Ascend Charlie]

Wikstrom is a bit hearing deficient, and got the wrong "barbells" for the gym.

[cavuman1]

And for my next trick I shall blow bubbles in the bathtub without using my mouth.

- Ed

[622]

OK, time to call this nice and early..

Some great entries again, but top bubble goes to Treadigraph with:

Join the army they said. See the world they said. Blow things up they said...

Well done, and over to you!

[treadigraph]

Thank you 622, most kind! I most humbly proffer this pic which I spotted in the T'graph t'other day:

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/935x580/lfo_2e8c22f0bd68fcd68dac6c1a2a0b91acc9fcee54.png

[andytug]

"We are truly sorry, O Great Leader, but after using all the budget up on nuclear weapons these were the only cluster munitions we could afford!"

[Kiltrash]

In North Korea the Worlds largest Sheep comes for shearing

[Kiltrash]

The guest judge at the Lower Chomley Veg and Flower show was a complete surprise, writes the Telegraph local reporter

[Kiltrash]

GL..."Yes I think these should satisfy the all female Palace Guards when I am away at the G7. "
General..." Who has the balls to tell him he was not invited?"

[Dan Gerous]

Enough of this vegetarian crap. Take me to a McDonalds

[Frostchamber]

It's called the chubby bunny challenge O Great One. We all agree you can't fail to win it.

[SASless]

Make a note....this is no corny joke....you will stand to Attention in my presence or you will soon have a reason to do so when you get to play "Hide the Cob".

[Ninthace]

The amanuenses found the Jolly Green Giant turned to be something of a disappointment in real life.

[Ascend Charlie]

"You are all off to the anti-aircraft guns - I wanted to see some PORN!"

[Chu Chu]

Protocol chief (left) thinks his (nearly) final thought: Perhaps "lend my your ear" wasn't the best way to invite corn farmers to the Great Leader's speech.

[622]

The choice of raffle prizes at the NK annual draw left some dissapointed!

[622]

So, you found all these hidden in the workers cupboards...

...this is very serious, as we obviously have a 'cereal' offender !

[Buster Hyman]

Corn? I don't remember eating Corn.

[Buster Hyman]

...and where does the Battery go?

[Buster Hyman]

...Minister, take a note. This one is for my beloved people. Put the rest in my car.

[Kiltrash]

General at the back..." I like it when a plan comes together, he has ordered all these cobs for his next BBQ with his line of succession. Are you sure there is a stick of dynamite in each one? "

[Kiltrash]

First funky on left...
" 2 pounds of sugar 1kg Salt and 24 rashers of bacon for breakfast" that should sort his Diabetes Problem. When the Doctor gave him a A1+ bill of health.

[Kiltrash]

General queries the last instruction....
....bad move

[Chu Chu]

What is this ??? I order you to strip 1000 colonels and put them to the flames, and you bring me . . .ears of corn?

[Buster Hyman]

I bought this Uranium, Yellow Cake they call it, from a Nigerian Prince!

[Dan Gerous]

And how much did this cost ?
We get it real cheap GL. Farmer in America turn cornfield into baseball field.

[fitliker]

Why does this one taste like ass ?

[fitliker]

How long to convert this into rocket fuel ?

[MPN11]

OK, this Corn … which of you is Flake?

[fitliker]

The peaches and cream variety is too western and sweetly decadent for NK taste , the kimchi flavoured batch is just about right , but who ever planted the ass flavour corn is going to the new soylent green factory .

[fitliker]

Are you sure this crop came from Douglas MacArthurs old pipe he left behind ?

[NutLoose]

Last one you gave I presented it to the wife and she complain no batterwiz, does this have batterwiz?

[cavuman1]

All the Generals quietly thought "If only Fearless Leader would shuck off!"

- Ed

[Beamr]

Yes Great Leader, the 28 million hectares of corn planted by comrade Khrushchev in 1954 has paid off. All this has now been harvested. In your face, decadent capitalist countries.

[Kiltrash]

Is this a Corn Cob in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/935x580/lfo_2e8c22f0bd68fcd68dac6c1a2a0b91acc9fcee54.png

[Beamr]

No no no I said "Cornholio guy", not "corn and oil guys". Take this away and show me the latest Beavis and Butthead.

[Kiltrash]

Tell me AGAIN, exactly how will this lead to World Domination?
The scribes all wait expected how Hoskins will dig himself out this hole.

[Kiltrash]

Proof positive the real life Scarecrow did work, Promote him to General of Food Production commanded the GL.

[Beamr]

Who does my AAA battalion have to shoot to get some butter with my corn?

[Kiltrash]

OK so that's the Maize production sorted, now who was to design the Popcorn machine ? Before we go into the Cinema?

[Kiltrash]

He he the GL seriously believes we have reduced the size of our torpedoes....let's hope he does not declare war on anyone...

[SASless]

GL seen having a flash back to last night's companion!

[Kiltrash]

Great Leaders decoy no 5 thinks, when I get to be no1 decoy I get to be photographed with the AAA BATTERY defending the Capital..

[Ascend Charlie]

"Idiots! I said my breakfast was to be Corned Brisket, not corn in a basket!"
(Flunky on left makes note: I am dead.)

[Chu Chu]

Which part of "cornucopia" didn't you understand?

[Chu Chu]

Dotards! I ordered you to bring some fodder for my anti-aircraft guns. . . . On second thought, I guess you did.

[Chu Chu]

The Great Leader's decision to switch to silk parachutes solved the nylon crisis, and yielded a nice bonus as well.

[Hydromet]

"Is this some sort of corny joke?"

[SASless]

Fat Wun plays guess how many Cobs in the Baskets and WINS....with a guess of One!

[Zombywoof]

GL: Why are these cucumbers yellow and lumpy?

General: Oh oh...

[Kiltrash]

Dumpkoff, I said I wanted to go to Cornwall (.for the G7 ) not a wall of corn.

[Kiltrash]

Dumpkoff, I said I wanted a nice plate of Corn Crake on toast for breakfast, not a crate of Corn.

[Kiltrash]

Dumpkoff, I said I wanted a large heap of Porn, not Corn by the bucket load.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Great Leader, and to really impress President Biden, you shove TWO of them down your trousers before your meeting.

[Kiltrash]

On my last trip to decadent America I was shown a Jolly Green Giant and said I wanted a whole Squadron and this is what they sent me...
( OK he has never been to the States but first rule never let facts get in the way of a Caption )

[Kiltrash]

So our agents use these with a piece of string connecting them, and their communications cannot be intercepted. The Americans won't see that comming.

[Dan Gerous]

OK rule number one, write this down...never point a corn cob at someone unless you intend to use it.

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/935x580/lfo_2e8c22f0bd68fcd68dac6c1a2a0b91acc9fcee54.png

[cattletruck]

Make a note. I ordered popcorn. Shoot the chef.

[Chu Chu]

Typical. I ask for a stable of thoroughbreds, and you bring me a basket of cobs.

[Ninthace]

What a fine example of our bountuful harvest!

No Great One, this is the harvest. There is almost enough for one kernel per colonel.

[SASless]

"If that guy Kiltrash tells the truth again he will have to change his name to "Cobber"!

[NutLoose]

What do you mean, this is the closest we could find, how am I supposed to play Conkers with these?

[NutLoose]

One per family per month is far to generous, feed the corn to my horses and give the families the core to make delicious soup with.

[cavuman1]

"This give me excerrent idea!", whispered Great Leader as he looked up and to his right. "Prease to make girrfriend's bronde hair into corn rows!"

- Ed

[MPN11]

“This just vegetable!! How you make Burger or Cheese with this cr@p?”

[Kiltrash]

Due to a toilet paper shortage in North Korea and a exceptionally great harvest of Corn Cobs, gives the Great Leader a solution to both issues.
" Why do I always have to think these things " he was heard to mutter...

substitute loofer for Toilet Roll and the caption still works.

[Kiltrash]

Right take these to Pyongyang and give one to each party member at the Congress. and when they consume them the microphone will be digested and we can hear everything they are planning against me... Brilliant
Scientist just behind pointed out the problem with the microphone and he has one beside him to show the size of the problem.

[Kiltrash]

One Peasant in his smallholding produced all these? Make him the Minister of Armaments.

[DirtyProp]

And where the hell is the butter??

[NutLoose]

Avada Kedavra.... it’s not working, are you sure Harry Potter used one of these, as I have alternate means of ensuring Avada Kedavra works.

[cavuman1]

As the coprophagic dog said as he inspected his companion's cuneiform of the bowel: "I love the way you use the corn for texture!"

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

In one last great push to be re-elected Great leader Kim ups the bribe support to the housewives with help to spread their food Won further.
" Cut into smaller pieces "

[Kiltrash]

" In these enlightened times we need to get the Female opinion on this problem "
It was at this point the Generals all realised Kim had gone totally mad.

[treadigraph]

I'll call it tonight around 8pm as I'll be out and about tomorrow - keep 'em coming, the cornier the better...

[Kiltrash]

At the Car Boot sale Kim did expect a greater range of goods on offer

[622]

At Gweat Korean Bwake Off .....GL finds one with a soggy bottom......and shoots the offender to leave Mr Wong the winner, who he then shoots for engageing in western ways!

[MPN11]

"With about 500 kernels per cob, with this lot we could give everyone in Pyongyang one kernel each!"

"Oh, so generous, Great Leader!"

[NutLoose]

Whilst the new hairpiece for the Donald impressed the leader, he wasn’t so sure about the corn.

[NutLoose]

They don’t like em up em... they don’t like it up em....

[NutLoose]

North Korea opens their first KFC, Kentucky Fresh Corn is expected to be a big seller amongst the elite.

[Kiltrash]

GL..." I heard that, who said they reminded them of my Chubby Little Fingers ?"
8 of the funkys took one step back.
or
one of them said
" Gate reeder. It was me" said the ventriloquist dummy ..

[cavuman1]

And thus was the game of Cornhole invented.

- Ed

[treadigraph]

OK folks, great entries as usual - I even learned something, though I forget what it was. Anyway, leading the field with an amaize-ing entry is our winner:

Ninthace

The amanuenses found the Jolly Green Giant turned to be something of a disappointment in real life.

Over to you, sir!

[Ninthace]

I am honoured. I thought my attempt was a bit too corny to stand a chance.

Have we had this one?

https://i.postimg.cc/7b87bfBP/Cutlass.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[Kiltrash]

Higgins was ever so glad to have failed the LSO exam.

[Kiltrash]

Wish the Admiral would let us know when he engaged 0-Flying speed. in 10 seconds.

[Kiltrash]

Well this should make a chapter on its own for Mog's book.

[Dan Gerous]

It was at this point the pilot though that stalling the jet, and letting it drop gently onto the deck probably wasn't a good idea.

https://i.postimg.cc/7b87bfBP/Cutlass.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[Dan Gerous]

**** me a Bucc just passed below us!

[cavuman1]

I say, a bit early on the roundout, wouldn't you agree, Hoskins?

- Ed

[cavuman1]

The first female carrier captain attempts to reverse into dock with predicable results.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Early attempt at a SRVL do not go well.

[cavuman1]

The signalman rushed across the deck and beat Roger Bannister's record by a full three minutes....

- Ed

[treadigraph]

Goodness Captain, go easy with the clutch!

[treadigraph]

Ok, so maybe an elastic arrestor cable wasn't such a good idea...

[treadigraph]

...and that's why the ship's song is "Run Run Run" by Jo Jo Gunne...

[cavuman1]

The LSO's command to "Call the Ball!" was misheard by the F3H's pilot as "Maul the Ball!"

- Ed

[Ninthace]

The LSO's command to "Call the Ball!" was misheard by the F3H's pilot as "Maul the Ball!"

- EdNot a Caption
My source says the aircraft using all available cover to stalk the flight deck is an F7U. However, I am not an expert in these matters.

[Frostchamber]

Kowalski realised at that moment that every cloud does indeed have a silver lining - constipation was no longer an issue.

[NutLoose]

It was at this point that Scroggins decided that being the "Follow Me" man was not the career he wanted.

[NutLoose]

You've caught the cable alright, the Transatlantic Telephone Cable......

[NutLoose]

Tell me again Captain Sung, which part of the US Military Aid programme are you signed up too, is it North or South Korea?

[Hydromet]

The first VTOL experiment from a carrier didn't go well.

[NutLoose]

It didn't get its nickname Gutless Cutlass for nothing you know,

[NutLoose]

Look on the bright side, at least we caught up with the ship, a Jag wouldn't have.

[Ascend Charlie]

"What's that ship doing inside this cloud??"
"...about 12 knots.."

[fitliker]

The Birds make full stall landings on a wire look so easy , Numptynoonoo thought he would impress the crowd with a birdie landing on the wire technique, later recognized as the aviators version of the famed dance of the flaming buttocks as practiced in rowdy bars .

[fitliker]

What kind of snake in the cockpit would cause that ?

[Beamr]

No Mav, this is not a good idea!
Sorry Goose, its time to buzz the hangar.

[Kiltrash]

The Catapult was misset at B52 weight, so early rotation was achieved

[Kiltrash]

After a couple of missed approaches Hoskins ran out of fuel, with only 10 feet to go.
So was born the legend don't skip on the gas..

[Kiltrash]

The accident inquiry later reported the incident was caused by the Genie missle being loaded onto the wrong pylon.

[Kiltrash]

Maverick normally lands on a 1000 ft Nimitz class but struggled when cross decking to Eagle

[Ascend Charlie]

https://i.postimg.cc/7b87bfBP/Cutlass.jpg .
When the loudspeaker playing "You are the wind beneath my wings" failed, Hoskins got that sinking feeling......................

[NutLoose]

Perhaps I worded that badly when I said plant it on the back of the ship.

[NutLoose]

Visiting US aircraft couldn’t quite figure out the concept of a VTOL carrier such as the Illustrious.

[andytug]

"No Hoskins, cross breeding is NOT how flying boats are made!"

[andytug]

Some pilots found re-acclimatising to normal jets after the Harrier more difficult than others.....

[andytug]

"Story of your life Hoskins - another coupe of inches and you'd have been in...."

[622]

Make a note No.1 ....must ask the dockyard to check the calibration on the meatball!

[cattletruck]

Run like Dominic Cummings.

[Chu Chu]

Damn it. I told you we wouldn't make it back to the ship before the tide came in.

[ShyTorque]

I thought you said the brakes were ON!

[Kiltrash]

But sir it was no 16 that crash landed upside down, we have just thrown no 91 over the side..