Caption Competition Mk III

[Ascend Charlie]

Will somebody PLEASE show me how to put Sesame Street on this screen!!

[SASless]

Admiral....there must be a problem with the video....I see nothing of the Moskva!.

[Chu Chu]

Ivor, get up here right now! When I told you to install windows, I meant the kind people fall out of.

[fdr]

"Человек, Женщина, Мужчина, Камера, Телевизор, Да?"
"замечательный господин президент, у вас такой же острый мозг, как у президента Трампа! Да!"


"Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV!" Da?
"Wonderful Mr President, your brain is as sharp as President Trump's! Yes!"

[Kiltrash]

My this us a wonderfull video from our " Wish you were here " team from their visit to Salisbury

[Kiltrash]

The Medical team finally got the Presidents approval to adapt his Throne into a Comode so he was not inconvenienced by the call of nature.

[Kiltrash]

Find who Photoshopped in the Ukraine Flag..
Eh What that's the Russian Flag behind you...
Should have gone to Specsavers...
( other opticians are available )
or
Damm Nutloose and Phototrickery. .

[Kiltrash]

Just then the Kremlin Janitor walks in and owing to the Attrition rate in the Donbass region President Putin offers him the post of General.
Excited the chap accepts with .." Well anything must be better than this sh!t job "

[622]

..And now over to the Russian judges for their points on the Ukranian Eurovision entry..

..Olga do you....oh, its not Olga....Vlad, your points please ...

[622]

Ahhh good, we finally have the Skype set up for the meeting...

...But with all due respect Sir, we are just at the other end of the table!

[fdr]

Oh, I see, you said "Zoom Meeting", I thought you said "Boom Beating", My Vlad bad! Sorry about the General, we will get the carpet cleaned and say he was in Donbas, that is at least believable.

[622]

In the boardroom of the Russian Apprentice...

Lord Vlad "Look, all you had to do was invade a neighbour.....a simple task of which you made a right mess of...Your'e fired!!"

Next week the teams will face trying to sell gas to the Germans!

[Chu Chu]

Something's wrong with the screen. No matter where I click, it starts showing "The Death of Stalin."

[Ascend Charlie]

"...his methods have become.....unstable..."

[Kiltrash]

That's the trouble with Fridays, Phil and Holly are not on....
( Phil and Holly are co presenters of a popular day time show in the UK )

well Mr President if that's all you have to worry about don't you feel just a teeny weeney sorry for the British Prime Minister ??

[MPN11]

Grand Admiral Vladimir gets ready to watch Noel Coward in “In which we serve”, looking for clues on how to conduct Naval warfare.

[NutLoose]

I would be careful what you all say, I am running Windows 11 so I have plenty of them for you all to fall out of.

[Kiltrash]

While trying to hack into and amend his girlfriends grades at High School, unwittingly starts " Global Thermonuclear War "

[Kiltrash]

Moskva sinks with 8 and 8 reload Nuclear missles so we will negotiate with the Americans to reduce their stockpile accordingly. ..
Can we not tell them the ship had 50 ??

[pasta]

Nothing to worry about Mr President, Sergei and I were just watching a rerun of The Poseidon Adventure.

[Kiltrash]

Being vain, Putin refuses to wear glasses despite being recommended....gets a great deal from the TV Store in Kyiv

[Kiltrash]

Surley invading a ex Soviet Bloc country and bringing them back into MY sphere of influence is NOT a valid reason to be banned from PPRuNe ..
From across the table. .
Don't call me Shirley ...

[NutLoose]

Da and when we finish this we will play the latest western video game, it is just in and called Pong.

[cynicalint]

My move - D7...
"Zelenski, You've sunk my Moskva!"

[Self loading bear]

Vladimir, sincerely thanks the Western countries for helping too make his social distancing measures a proven success.

[Buster Hyman]

"Sergei, we can't hear you.... Sergei...you're on mute....Sergei...YOU'RE ON MUTE SERGEI!....SERGEI! YOU'RE ON MUTE!!!!!...........Now his camera is off! Sergei!!!!....Sergei?....Someone get the Moskva back on line!"

[fdr]

Putin was able to use his personality to get social distancing happening.

[treadigraph]

(I'll call it this evening around 7pm!)

[Hydromet]

For some reason, Kamerad Putin ran out of opponents in the world sitting-down ping pong championships.

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for calling " Cheap Life Insurance . com with only 2 simple questions we can insure you for 2m Rubles ...

[Kiltrash]

Putin. .." Why Yes Doctor i do have a big pain in my bum, " but how did you know that on a video call??
Dr...." I have been watching the Western News...Oh did I just say that out loud gulp "

[Kiltrash]

Due to Covid 19 regulations every effort will be made to conduct ALL activities on Zoom.
So Putin challenges his opponents to Scrabble. and he is left with only 3 tiles to play but decided he cannot make a word from " WRA "
( yes I know RAW would be a option he could play ..)

[fdr]

Sir, the Captain sends his apologies; he says zoom doesn't work well on underwater telephone (Gertrude)

[Kiltrash]

Grand Master Putin in the World Chess Championship finds his men don't adhear to the vertical board... ( Or the plan )

[Kiltrash]

Hey, Buster, I know it's the middle of the night but have i just woken you up??

[Kiltrash]

...and finally, from me you'll be pleased to know

Is that Mr Treadigraph? , I have just seen on my
' pouter the AN225 Heading for Biggin, please can you look out your window and confirm Many thanks VP ex KGB operative..

[treadigraph]

And the winner is... Ripton:

I'm sorry Mr Putin but Boris, Sergei and Mikhail won't be joining the call. They didn't come back from this morning's inspection of front line units. Anton is trying to join but the signal in the life boat is intermittent.


I did edit the original photo slightly to give Vlad a rather more realistic view of how the war seems to be going...

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x600/putin_t_j_e31c77e07a9b1b6017ce37aeb0c24772df892184.jpg

[Ripton]

And the winner is... Ripton:

I did edit the original photo slightly to give Vlad a rather more realistic view of how the war seems to be going...



Thank you Treadigraph, Tom and Jerry is an inspired comparison.

How's this for the next challenge:

https://i.err.ee/smartcrop?type=optimize&width=672&aspectratio=16%3A10&url=https%3A%2F%2Fs.err.ee%2Fphoto%2Fcrop%2F2019%2F12%2F20%2 F724382heb67.jpg

[treadigraph]

Is there any beer?

[MPN11]

Sorry, Sergeant Major, did you just say "Get your hair cut"?

[Hydromet]

"OK, where's the par...er, business meeting?

[622]

Its a Flak jacket you're going to need mate, not a camouflage one!

[NutLoose]

Tell me the boys don't call me Tarzan, they used to call Heseltine Tarzan..

No Sir, they call you Cheetah.

[NutLoose]

Have you ever thought of joining the infantry?, I only ask as I am sending your tank to Ukraine.

[NutLoose]

Boris, it's short for Bog Off Rish

[622]

..And you are sure Sgt Major that there are no phones here that could catch a pic of an embarrasing moment?

[NutLoose]

Gas? not a problem, A damned good vindaloo and a few beers and I have gas a plenty.

[treadigraph]

https://i.err.ee/smartcrop?type=optimize&width=672&aspectratio=16%3A10&url=https%3A%2F%2Fs.err.ee%2Fphoto%2Fcrop%2F2019%2F12%2F20%2 F724382heb67.jpg

[treadigraph]

Tell me, do you use your basic instincts to distract the enemy?

[andytug]

I say, could I hide in your big metal tank for a while?

[ShyTorque]

Ammunition? The press already have plenty….

[622]

So I'm guessing you two ladies make the tea?...clean the tanks?

...where are the chaps who do the real work?

[SASless]

Your Mate is off on an Exchange Tour with the Bangladeshi's because of his comment about my hair....do you wish to go with him?

[Kiltrash]

...and what's your name miss??
Ogyni sir

[Kiltrash]

I say would you please move your little tank soon ??
Oh why the hurry sir
You've parked the damm thing on my foot

[Kiltrash]

Only when the picture was sold to and published did the Prime Minister realise he was wearing his pants over his trousers.
In the Commons he said he wanted to be known as Superman from now on..

[Kiltrash]

During the interview with Forces TV the Prime Minister was distracted when the Ice Cream van came past....

[NutLoose]

So I take it with all this crap on I will blend in with the furniture and be able to have a few bevies with the troops back at No10?

[Kiltrash]

The PM wished this was a photo opertunity with the boss of JCB.
( The boss of JCB is a multi £m doner to the Conservative party. ..alleged. .)

thanks Nutty for putting me right on this, however the lawyers are content ..

[treadigraph]

Can I have a beret like yours? Then I could do my Frank Spencer impression...

[treadigraph]

Thanks for coming to my party. By the way, the invitation should have read BYOB not BYOT...

[NutLoose]

I'm a bit of a ladies man if you didn't know..... she's laughing isn't she?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/672x420/smartcrop_type_optimize_width_672_aspectratio_16_3a10_url_ht tps_3a_2f_2fs_err_ee_2fphoto_2fcrop_2f2019_2f12_2f20_2f72438 2heb67_2727683fce41f39fd3260d4c77f57b78f9a5b7c9.jpg

[treadigraph]

My flies are undone? Really...? Gosh. Well, you know what Winston said about that!

[Chu Chu]

This is all very nice, but not what one usually means when one says one wants to get tanked.

[NutLoose]

Yes, a bun in your hair is fetching, but i'm more of a bun in the oven type of man, so to speak..

[NutLoose]

Bert, that's a funny name for a young lady, ohh wait, you're not one of the nip and tuck brigade are you?...

[NutLoose]

A lack of Intelligence, ability, skill and integrity shouldn't hold you back in your aspiring career prospects, heck if it did, Parliament would be empty.

[Buster Hyman]

If you compare me to Jimmy Saville again, I'll have you transferred to the Falklands permanently!

[Kiltrash]

Lt Gruber you say...didn't think he had it in him...

[Kiltrash]

Trooper with phone desperate trying to stifle a grade one laugh out loud..
When Boris came out with a Partygate excuse that actually made sense. .

[Kiltrash]

Trooper with back to camera...
When introduced to the PM was glad her name was not Sue Grey,

[Buster Hyman]

"So, are you sure this isn't over the top for a visit to Liverpool?"

[Kiltrash]

Little known fact, The British Prime Minister has a unusually short left arm. He keeps all his money in his left trouser pocket ...

[Kiltrash]

Trooper with phone takes a sneaky picture of a Grade A Real life celebrity...David Bailey ...

[Kiltrash]

Unfortunately the MOD Police Dog thought it was still a training exercise as he tore the PM to shreds. ..
Sir Kier was later heard offering the Dog a Knighthood

[Buster Hyman]

"Of course Sir, the Zip line is completely safe..."
"Pfft..."

[Dan Gerous]

Oh great another effing jacket to wear.

[ShyTorque]

The PM wished this was a photo opertunity with the boss of JCB.
( The boss of JCB is a multi £m doner to the Conservative party. ..alleged. .)

thanks Nutty for putting me right on this, however the lawyers are content ..

So you got Nutty to spell check your post?

Oh yes: "Opertunity.....!?" ;)

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/672x420/image_7e4ddac5defafe322a4927eb3abfab40fc3e4fa7.png

So you're our Prime Minister?

Well I was when I left this morning, but f**k knows If I still am.....

[NutLoose]

I love this job, I get to dress up in all sorts of stuff, it's just like my old nanny's dressing up box, yesterday I was an Indian.

[NutLoose]

Hey, have you heard the one about WRAC's? apparently you screw them up against a wall, geddit WRAC's....racks?.

[Kiltrash]

The PM goes to support the local Conservative Candidate in the bye election ...who responded with " Do I not need this? "

[Kiltrash]

Trooper reading the PM's latest tweet, Congratulations to Le Pen for a stunning victory in the Presidential Election and he looks forward to closely working with her one on one...

[treadigraph]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/672x420/smartcrop_type_optimize_width_672_aspectratio_16_3a10_url_ht tps_3a_2f_2fs_err_ee_2fphoto_2fcrop_2f2019_2f12_2f20_2f72438 2heb67_2727683fce41f39fd3260d4c77f57b78f9a5b7c9.jpg

[NutLoose]

So I had a beer in the mess earlier and there was an old shilling in the bottom of my tankard, what does that mean?

[Dan Gerous]

Tell you what guys, these pockets are brilliant. You can get a couple of bottles in each of them.

[Dan Gerous]

Have you anything in a Hi-Viz?

[Dan Gerous]

You get the meat and I'll throw some napalm on the barbie.

[MPN11]

“is there some cake, Major?”

[Kiltrash]

Only later after the PM was Tasered was it discovered the wires sticking out his pockets were a previous soldier's April Fool

[Kiltrash]

Boris WAS surprised when Pfc Sky produced the DNA Paternity test that proved he IS her father

[Kiltrash]

What? Tomorrow is Tuesday, so I have to meet that awful woman again....ffs....

[cynicalint]

I must NOT laugh, I MUST NOT laugh! My pictures showing he has no trousers on will be worth a fortune!

[Kiltrash]

Well no stores did not have a beret to fit my head, you know Brain the size of a Planet.
or
What, wear a beret? You know just how much this coffured hair style costs, do you think money grows on trees??

[Kiltrash]

Ah, so your the one that's been complaining about the state of the Married Quarters on your Base, care to come into the bedroom and we can discuss what your needs are while your husbands in Ukraine..

[Kiltrash]

Ah, Captain, you have NOT answered a direct question put to you by your Prime Minister, well done would you like a position in my Cabinet??

[Buster Hyman]

"What are we here for?"
"Tanks, Prime Minister."
"You're welcome, but, what are we here for?"

[Kiltrash]

The GMB Presenter FINALLY gets a interview with the Prime Minister but only after joining the 1420 Hussars

[Dan Gerous]

I'd rather you didn't stand at ease Dear, or the Mail on Sunday will infer something from it.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/672x420/image_7fc2c3e75e2fc2c81d5ed0190f38422a336a9ada.png


Married quarters, tell me about it, the paultry £30K a year wasn't enough to sort mine out, so we had to spend close to 200K to make it habitable, I take it the MOD treated your needs equally as well.

[Kiltrash]

No no dearie, my name is Michael Fabricant and i'm fortunately NOT the Prime Minister nor was at any alleged Partygate events

[treadigraph]

Is this not Kansas then?

[treadigraph]

Got a roving assignment for you and your squad. Wander round the country, anywhere you encounter Extinction Rebellion, Insulate Britain or other environmental activists blocking the road, you know what to do. Same goes for Steve Baker...

[Wensleydale]

Why do you tankies keep referring to that 'Mother NLAW'?

[cavuman1]

And thus began Bojoxit.

- Ed

[fitliker]

These new smart phones can hear a fart at twenty paces , excellent microphones , multiple cameras that can be monitored discretely what is not to like . No need to get too close to record history .

[fitliker]

Turn down the vibrate on that phone or stop smiling

[NutLoose]

I could do with one of these in London for work, tell me how does it handle potholes?

[NutLoose]

Jesus Christ, my iPhone bullsh*t app is reading off the clock..

[NutLoose]

Remember Winston Churchill’s famous lines.
we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds…..

Well, Priti has got the Navy to take over from the Border Force, so the seas and oceans are sorted, your job will be to cover the beaches and landing grounds as I’ve promised the electorate to reduce immigration.

[Kiltrash]

Well isn't that convenient, in 2022 you were refugees from Ukraine and now your returning to Odessa on Operation Overlord mk2....and i've just been released from Broadmore to lead you..

[Kiltrash]

BJ thinks...my these Scots Guads Lassies don't seem as frightening as I've been lead to believe...
McTroooer thinks...so that's the twit that put a sugar tax on Irn Bru. ...
( other high sugar soft drinks made from girders are not available...)

[NutLoose]

Sorry love, we don’t have the monies for that, we’ve just spent £2,212 giving ourselves each a pay rise.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry, I thought you were offering a top less car wash, not a top class car wash. , So you got me here under false pretensions, just make sure you declare these additional earnings.

[Kiltrash]

I'm really here to chastise you but secretly I would like to congratulate you for ' Accidentally ' running over Dominic when on maneuvers at Barnard Castle

[treadigraph]

"So I've co-opted you to assist Croydon Council's Roads Department in ironing out the corrugations in their neglected infrastructure..."

[Ripton]

Some interesting good efforts. I'll call a winner tomorrow morning.

[treadigraph]

I supposes one is no longer allowed to say "it's a man's life in the Army"...

[NutLoose]

I never knew doing community service could be so fun.

[treadigraph]

Sergeant, do you know your tank is parked on my dog?

No PM, but you hum it and I'll play it...

[SLXOwft]

Trooper Hoskins barely supresses her laugh when Boris claims he served in the Eton Rifles.

or

You look very familiar, what's your mother's name?

[Kiltrash]

So what do you think I should put on my " Letter of Last Resort " as PM??
How about " I Quit "?
or
" Goodbye and Thanks for all the Fish " ?

[Kiltrash]

No Prime Minister, we're your " Close Protection Squad "
Oh come on m'dear there's 2 of you skinny Gals..
Yes it takes two of us as your so fat..

[SASless]

Lions led by Donkeys....well....he is an Ass!

[NutLoose]

I'm an MP PM
Oh really? what party, I haven't seen you around Westminster.

[Kiltrash]

I'm not only the the Prime Minister for the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland i'm also the Member of Parliament for Uxbridge and South Reislip. ..where ever that is, can you help me find my seat??
"" Its behind you ""

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to really impress the ladies, Boris said WIWOL. ...
The ladies struggled to look even vaguely interested

[Big Pistons Forever]

How did you know I was lying?

Sir, your lips were moving

[Big Pistons Forever]

No you can’t play with my toys !

[NutLoose]

You think we should increase the percentage we spend on the military, kick the Ajax into touch and go back to modernising the Warrior with the new turret.
Very good, of course I cannot promise anything until I run it through my most trusted military advisor first, I will speak to Carrie tonight.

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry girls, you will of course still be mechanised after the cuts, I have arranged a delivery of Boris Bikes.

[MPN11]

The “Member” for Uxbridge lost a few votes by closing one of the RAF’s oldest Stations, and wondered if Some Tanks woukd redress the balance of Power.

[treadigraph]

You want to fire me out of your cannon? That sounds like jolly good fun...

[Chu Chu]

I wonder if you can help, sir? We have several vehicles immobilized due to a lack of spares.

What could I possibly do about that?

Well, everyone keeps saying you’ll soon be making tracks.

[NutLoose]

It’s impossible to say until we evaluate all our options and look at the budgetary constraints, as the leader of the sitting government we always have to be aware of the public purse and strive to get good value for money while maximising potential gains.

For Christ sake PM, do you want sugar in your tea, yes or no?

[Self loading bear]

“So you can hit these white round 1 foot practice targets from a 1000 yards?,
You must be feeling like a modern Robin Hood?”

”Yes Sir, if you just trot along here for about a mile or so, we will try continue to fight for the poor people in the country”

[NutLoose]

I tell you girls, I managed to walk through the centre of Kyiv in the middle of a war zone and chatted to a few of the locals without anyone trying to kill me, I couldn’t do that in London, they would lynch me.

[Ripton]

It's a close run thing.

Kiltrash and Nutloose are mentioned in despatches for throwing a lot of darts at the board.

Dan Gerous is runner up with:

I'd rather you didn't stand at ease Dear, or the Mail on Sunday will infer something from it.

The Winner is Chu Chu with:

This is all very nice, but not what one usually means when one says one wants to get tanked.

Over to you Chu Chu.

[Chu Chu]

Thank you very much, Ripton. I’ll get a new photo up in about 12 hours.

[MPN11]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1024x1024/nclock_11_50_34304_lg_8099493e0848a6c20202a5b7e5fbf04f7d6565 99.gif

[NutLoose]

It's a close run thing.

Kiltrash and Nutloose are mentioned in despatches for throwing a lot of darts at the board.

.

Bugger, didn't get the bullseye ;)
Well done Chu Chu

[Kiltrash]

Well i can wait, I'm really a MP and I'm watching porn during PMQ's.

[Chu Chu]

Thanks for waiting -- let's give this one a spin. (And if anyone think's I've been napping, I've still got a good five hours before my clock matches MPN11's :O)

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x541/lyxsra4_2f4ae7af23540370ce5287f01b56b6c1c49d703e.jpg

[NutLoose]

You sure this will cure my bad back?

[SASless]

Hyphen-Smyth was about to set a new land speed record for clearing a prop!

[Hydromet]

When the RAAF celebrate Anzac Day, two-up is always played. Unfortunately, Hoskins, on exchange from the RAF, misunderstood the term "Come in, spinner."

[Ascend Charlie]

Dreaming of being as good a golfer as Jack Newton

[fitliker]

Siesta time for the HA112 crew is the best time for a rude wake up call by the sneakies .

[Kiltrash]

Finally got the prop balanced now hang on while we start her up

[Kiltrash]

This'll get me through how many time zones?

[Kiltrash]

Look AVM we really do need to provide the Pilot with better rest areas when on QRA...

[Kiltrash]

The only thing that rouses PO PPRuNe is the smell off freshly cooked Cornflakes chef prepares for breakfast as the mist slowly rolls away.

[622]

Oh, the new boy, very keen..plays a lot of rugger.....a 'prop forward' you know!

[fdr]

PO Chadwick's first attempt was considered to be impractical by the War Office.

[622]

Hans was a loner, never mixed with the other pilots, swore at them and always appeaerd to be grumpy when resting..
....Yes, he was a 'Sour Kraut'

[Kiltrash]

Finally realised what made that high piched banshee noise as the Stuka went into a power dive

[Kiltrash]

Where WTF came from...
( What the Focker )

[Kiltrash]

Just shows the Pilot was finally balanced

[Kiltrash]

....was glad tbe Squadron had kept a couple of the old 3 bladed variants when the 4's came into service

[Wensleydale]

Hans often dreamt of having a screw in his bed....

[treadigraph]

Gruber was a gay young blade...

[treadigraph]

Yes, I agree you have sorted out this airframe's aft CG problems, von Hoskins, but I think I detect a potential problem with the solution you propose...

[Buster Hyman]

What the @#&%! are you doing Hoskins?
Just looking for the Hun in the Sun Sarge.

[Buster Hyman]

Can't do this on a Meteor!

[Buster Hyman]

I think you've misunderstood what we mean by Compass Spin son.And it's not for your personal one either!

[Buster Hyman]

Ok Chumley. Start her up & I'll begin throwing the knives!

[Buster Hyman]

He tried this in the Navy once...didn't end well...

[Kiltrash]

At Walmington-on-sea pvt Pike is tasked with ensuring the captured Messar Messersh Mesker Focker don't take off..

[Kiltrash]

Stop the war protest group go to extreme measures to " Stop the War "
( other loony left wing protest groups are available )

[Kiltrash]

While attacking Biggin Hill, Hans flew a bit close to the control tower, just as Hoskins decided to ' end it all"

[Kiltrash]

Later went to see the MO complaining about a sore Arse, upon examination the Doctor said " I see the problem ..Mr Hamilton "

[Kiltrash]

Having survived 50 fighter sweeps over the beaches Hans is given the day off ....till the armourer questions why his guns have never had to be reloaded

[andytug]

"Hehehe....I bet Hoskins I could wipe my ar*e on the Boss...."

[cynicalint]

Har Har! That blade missed both my legs!

[cavuman1]

Vasectomy - the Early Years.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Wake me up before you go go

[Kiltrash]

In the queue at Weatherspoons this at table service takes a long time

[Kiltrash]

Bet my Nan will have this picture in her care home to show how proud she is of me

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x541/lyxsra4_2f4ae7af23540370ce5287f01b56b6c1c49d703e.jpg

[Self loading bear]

Hurry, hurry up, come on,
the Waiting games have started!

[SLXOwft]

Hauptmann von Hoskins was somewhat deaf after a year on the eastern front and thought the Geschwaderkommodore told him to have his staffel at prop-pitch readiness.

or

It's a bit hard but not the wurst place I 've slept.

[NutLoose]

It’s like a thong, it rides right up one’s crack.

[NutLoose]

Are you sure this is the best way to spin dry my uniform?

[NutLoose]

It’s part and parcel with your promotion to Flying Officer.

[Kiltrash]

Instructed to lie back, seductively, for the BMW Garage wall calendar. ..1943

[Chu Chu]

Things have slowed down, so I'll call this one tomorrow, early afternoon UK time.

[Dan Gerous]

Oh Kylie, I vill haff you spinning around

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x541/lyxsra4_2f4ae7af23540370ce5287f01b56b6c1c49d703e.jpg

[NutLoose]

Is this what one means by crack on and man ones plane.

[NutLoose]

Forget giving birth to giant logs, I’ve just had a damned good messer****t.

[NutLoose]

Everyone told me to look for the Hun in the sun, but no one mentioned the Hun in the bum.

[Chu Chu]

Thanks for all the great entries! Mine would have been "Fritz was putting in for a transfer to transports. Fighters might be glamorous, but there was no way to feather your nest."

I'll give third place to Buster, with "Ok Chumley. Start her up & I'll begin throwing the knives!"

In second is 622, with "Hans was a loner, never mixed with the other pilots, swore at them and always appeaerd to be grumpy when resting......Yes, he was a 'Sour Kraut'"

And the prestigious CapComp trophy goes to andytug, with "Hehehe....I bet Hoskins I could wipe my ar*e on the Boss...."

I'll dispatch the trophy as soon as Hans finishes his nap..

[andytug]

Cheers Chu Chu - not won one in ages so a nice surprise :O



Hoping we've not had this one before.....


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[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The oft quoted aviation mantra - "If you put a big enough engine in it, anything will fly" - about to be proved wrong.

[MPN11]

Chuck eagerly awaited Volume CXXVIII of "Build a Plane" ... where the Wing bits featured.

[Chu Chu]

Still nothing. Maybe I should try a different brand of energy drink?

[Kiltrash]

Remake of James Bond opening sequence gets even more daft than usual

[Kiltrash]

All went well for the " Queen " till the Hanger doors unexpectedly closed

[Kiltrash]

The colour, I call it Poo.....

[cynicalint]

Please! I really don't want to fly it again!

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins crossed his arms during taxi tests so he wouldn't be tempted to pull back on the stick.

[cavuman1]

Damned Termites!

- Ed

[cavuman1]

This D Check proved particularly difficult and expensive.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

When you have eliminated all possible sources trying to identify a squeak, the only remaining solution is that you have Tinnitus

[fitliker]

Getting sent solo as the instructor thinks there might be something amiss about this bird .

Ideal for practicing circuits on a racetrack without any danger of altitude deviance .

There were only so many parts he could get in his lunch box at the factory , gonna have to work the night shift if you want to get the wings out for it .

[Ascend Charlie]

"We won't need wings where we're going, Marty!"

[Hydromet]

"Well, Hoskins, you seriously exceeded the G limits, but at least you managed to land the bits that were left."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

When you leave it to engineers, not aerodynamicists, to build aircraft.

[SASless]

Apron Security at Liverpool seems a bit lax.

[Kiltrash]

At Cranfield* the World's first all electric aircraft is getting ready for its first flight, only a couple of minor snags left to work out...
* I have used Cranfield but insert your own countries University for Aeronautical learning and development

[Kiltrash]

Very good Hoskins but a little bit more work needed before you can fly London - Sydney.

[Buster Hyman]

Look, I've had 'Deconstructed' food, but this is ridiculous!

[Buster Hyman]

The Qantas accountants finally catch up to Joyce to show him what they can really afford!

[Buster Hyman]

Great job McGyver, but will it fly?

[Kiltrash]

Excellent work Mr Wright, but your patent clearly said it was a Bicycle not a Tricycle. ..

[Chu Chu]

Mathias Rust was forced to abandon attempts at limiting radar cross-section when they proved impracticable.

[Dan Gerous]

Flight Of The Phoenix III, A Sequel To Far.


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[fitliker]

Showing off the next generation of riot control , should be a crowd pleaser

[Kiltrash]

Well that's normal when landing at Croydon, when a stray 20mm HE Hits you...
Move along please nothing to see here

[Kiltrash]

Republic of Ireland selects it's new Air Defence Fighter. ..Gets it on easy payment terms

[NutLoose]

No, we haven’t flown it yet, it’s work in progress, but as you see we have achieved over 50 percent of the airframe stealth capability so far, once we have achieved 100 percent then we will ship fifty to the Irish Air Corp in return for our 1.2 billion investment.

[cynicalint]

Reliant Robin's first incursion into aviation did not go as well as they imagined!

[cynicalint]

The zig-zag gull wing would work better if turned through 90 deg!

[Kiltrash]

The wrapping at the top of the strut? ? ...
Well better to be safe than sorry, don't want to inconvenience A&E with an avoidable accident...

[Kiltrash]

Anyone seen Doris? ? My Wing Walker? ?

[Kiltrash]

Boy, in Texas, them Buzzards are big, I mean HUGE...got any toilet paper.

( edit missed comma 😊 )

[Kiltrash]

Damm it, which damm fool opened Tower Bridge unexpectedly? ?

[622]

Hosklins went in search of the Air Trafficker who advised him there may be 'light Hail' on the approach.

[622]

Hoskins popped down the shops to get his latest issue of Build your own Cessna in in 3856 weekely installments!

[Kiltrash]

This picture was taken during the first engine run after fitting the propeller. ...the wrong way round... The Hanger owner said Hoskins would be hearing from the insurance company

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins popped down the shops to get his latest issue of Build your own Cessna in in 3856 weekely installments!

hoping this issue would, at last, have the control yoke...

[Dan Gerous]

I'm leaning more towards the prayer side of the equation.

[Buster Hyman]

So...how's the flak over Kyiv Alexei?

[SLXOwft]

"Cross my heart and hope to fly."

[SLXOwft]

Not being ex-RN Brad Hoskins had never previously been confronted with the reality of 'fitted for but not with'.

[MPN11]

Despite Hoskins’ efforts, the geometry was not variable. “Low visibility seemed a better option”, he said as they carried him away for assessment.

[NutLoose]

V NE, I told ya it was made up by some old fart at Cessna Pete… Pete….Pete, where are you?

[Kiltrash]

The Piper and Cherokee nation formed a guard of honour when the warrior brave returned from the front line with battle scars

[Buster Hyman]

When the going gets tough, be glad you have Boeings Loyal Wingman at your side....

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

While admittedly it did have some design compromises, Cessna's new marketing concept of "An aircraft in every garage!" looked promising to the bean counters.

[SASless]

Midshipman Hypen-Smyth could now empathize with Sharky after a quick refueling stop at an RAF Flying Club.

[cavuman1]

And just like that, the effects of the invisible paint began to wear off.

- Ed

[Self loading bear]

Airbus admits that paint issues can compromise flight safety

[Kiltrash]

Herb decided that next time he really should put on his seat belt .. ( been there, bashed and broken my nose when my instructor demonstrated a emergency stop. Seat belts were not compulsory back then.. )

[Kiltrash]

Having landed QF32 after uncontained engine failure, cannot evacuate till #1 engine is secured...

[Kiltrash]

...knew it was a mistake using runway crossing the golf driving range when the " hold short " lights were out of use. .

[Kiltrash]

Bruce later claimed compensation when he was made to shed weight so could still manage the reduce take off distance on Darwin's potholed runway...

[Ascend Charlie]

Having landed QF32 after uncontained engine failure, cannot evacuate till #1 engine is secured...

...and Wretched Discrepancy has his book deal signed...

[Wensleydale]

"I'll use prop wash to get rid of her" said Brian as he tried to blow away the Extinction Rebellion demonstrator who had glued herself to his wing.

[Buster Hyman]

"Honestly, I didn't even see him sleeping on the prop! But, I never expected this much damage!!!"

[SASless]

It would buff out they said!