Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Well, this is gonna take more than one page of A4 to describe what happened for the Insurance company ...

[Kiltrash]

Later the AAIB summarised the accident may not have happened had Mr Branson been a Training Captain ...

[NutLoose]

You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

[NutLoose]

Brace brace brace… ooohh err.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/530x325/image_f99f10a012f7acb3f2db97cc0b696057c7db3ef4.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Only 400 copies of the Hannants build yourself a Cessna 150 magazine to go…

[NutLoose]

Despite attempts to reduce weight, Cessna were unable to shorten the take off run.

[NutLoose]

Red Bull log an official complaint against some of Mercedes F1 design changes.

[NutLoose]

It’s not as reliant as a Robin, but it sure clears cyclists and pedestrians out of the way.

[NutLoose]

Delboy updates Rodney’s company van.

[SASless]

The old saying "If it looks good....it will fly good!" proved to be correct.

[Chu Chu]

Hoskin's cunning plan to eliminate induced drag overlooked a small detail.

[fitliker]

Just got to get 88 mph and we will catch the DeLorean

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins attempt to redesign the wheel finally shows promise

[Kiltrash]

Yes Mr Depp, after Ms Heards testimony this is all you have left, oh and please can you hand in the shirt off your back??

[Kiltrash]

Sir Clive's first design for the C5 was roundly derided, so he went off to redesign it to a much better personal transport machine.

[Kiltrash]

No i don't think the Queen will use it during the Platinum Jubbly celebrations

[Kiltrash]

After some troubling substitutions by Mr Guardiola he is made to fly back to Manchester separately by the Board. Perhaps he has lost the trust of the Club??

[Kiltrash]

As temeratures rise due to climate change, Hoskins has to take drastic action to keep engine and pilot cool.

[andytug]

Not a caption - judging approx 1900 UK time or so, depending on my workload :)

[NutLoose]

I need Red Bull* it will give me wings.....



*Other beverages available and far better tasting.

[ShyTorque]

Pilot's Report: "Suspect engine missing"

Engineer's report: "No evidence of engine missing. Almost everything else IS."

[NutLoose]

It must be a European aircraft because its powered by a Continental.

[Kiltrash]

Onlooker amazed asked ...How the hell did you managed to land that successfully? ?
Pilot replies. ..Fortunate design, the fuel is not held in the wings.

[Kiltrash]

Please tell me Pilot, what's the Lotto numbers tonight??

[Kiltrash]

Well the ' Bitch in the box ' said this was the best way home...and who was i to argue with Alexa...

[andytug]

OK Judging time....Honourable mentions to....

Hydromet for - "Well, Hoskins, you seriously exceeded the G limits, but at least you managed to land the bits that were left."

Kiltrash for - Anyone seen Doris? ? My Wing Walker? ?

ShyTorque for the classic - Pilot's Report: "Suspect engine missing" Engineer's report: "No evidence of engine missing. Almost everything else IS."

But the CST this week goes to SLXOwft for the subtle- "Not being ex-RN Brad Hoskins had never previously been confronted with the reality of 'fitted for but not with'."

CST on way in something *with* wings :)

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for picture...
Andytug finally gets back from Brighton wondering where it all went wrong for his team 😊

[NutLoose]

Though he has since realised dog sleigh teams had no place on a Brighton beach.

[SLXOwft]

Apologies for the delay I am now back on frequency.

Andytug you are too kind.


Here is my humble offerinhg,

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/680x510/409_b6f38b0521b1560f069fd73ab81d38eb08b65f6d.jpg

[SASless]

Bloggs over did the Curry Eggs and Theakston Old Peculiar again!

[Hydromet]

Can't you read, Hoskins? It says the area within the lines must be smooth and clean.

[Ascend Charlie]

"I told you to blow the DOOR off!"

[Wensleydale]

Brian's Advent calendar style chuff chart had reached 410 days to go.

[Kiltrash]

Why is there always carrot when you didn't eat any? ?

[Kiltrash]

The crew were first alerted to the burd strike by the strange whistling noise on the flight deck, solved when the hostile sat down and crossed her legs.

[Kiltrash]

With Hoskins being away on holiday, the Base maintainance crew were short of overtime pay, were glad when Hoskins British cousin popped over the pond...

[Kiltrash]

Sully,, told you not to play Chicken with the Geese ...

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/680x510/409_b6f38b0521b1560f069fd73ab81d38eb08b65f6d.jpg

[treadigraph]

Hoskins, WingCo would like a word with you about his TV aerial...

[Kiltrash]

Dec 24....Well do you want to tell the Children??

[andytug]

Caption waiting for picture...
Andytug finally gets back from Brighton wondering where it all went wrong for his team 😊

(not a caption)....I assume you're being ironic, Southport FC won 5-0 on Saturday, there are very few Man U fans round here!

[andytug]

"Think you need a little more practice in the sim before we let you practice any more AAR, Hoskins!"

[Ascend Charlie]

"...It was a birdstrike, sir!"
"Maybe so, but the bird was on a power pole at the time."

[Buster Hyman]

Someone's missed the memo about it being "static"...

[Buster Hyman]

"Err, Missy...would you mind asking Mr. Shatner to join us here in the cockpit please?"

[SASless]

Honest Sir....I wuz thinking of me kids....was sat there whistling "Pop Goes the Weasel" and the next thing ya know.....something went POP!

[Chu Chu]

I knew it was a mistake letting Hoskins put his pigeon loft in the cockpit.

[Kiltrash]

ATC... No No Stand 42 C was yours not 42D... That's for A380's

Pilot in Polish English , Please say again

( ps any experts identify the aircraft please?)

[NutLoose]

There, I told you the sensor was easy to get too, now about the bet, where is my money..

[Buster Hyman]

Looks like an A400M Kilty

[NutLoose]

Ok red line no1 pitot U/S and we will carry on with two and three.

[Buster Hyman]

What was that?
Umm, nothing…..say, what did you think about the Hotel last night?

[cavuman1]

The pilot exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Whatever you do, Do Not Press That Bu..."

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Thanks Buster I see it now

[MPN11]

"Cabin Crew, doors to Manual and ... oh, forget that last ..."

[treadigraph]

I told you the spring loading in that harness release was too strong...

[Wensleydale]

When doing the Okey Cokey IS what it is all about!

[Chu Chu]

And thus were sardine cans invented.

[Self loading bear]

( ps any experts identify the aircraft please?)

Caption:
This is a Repairbus A400M

[Self loading bear]

multiple choice:
a) the Atlas pivots around the Axis
b) a pitot tube measures airspeed along it’s axis
c) the pitot tube was peeled from the Atlas, accidentally
(multiple answers can be right)

[cynicalint]

I told you that was not the door handle, I also told you not to pull too hard! Do you never listen?

[cynicalint]

Adding a ring-pull to the access hatch was not such a good idea after all!

[Big Pistons Forever]

So Bob, how "World Class " was your fart ?

"Well they say a picture is worth a thousand words...."

[Big Pistons Forever]

Maintenance Supervisor

Sargent, I thought you were doing an external skin repair, so how come you have ordered new right hand cockpit seat cushions ?

[Big Pistons Forever]

One out of three ain't bad !

[Big Pistons Forever]

OH NO !!!, I told you not to let the apprentice near the Sawzall !

[Chu Chu]

The frangible pitot tube ensures that IAS never exceeds VNE.

[Dan Gerous]

I know I said they're packed in like sardines down the back, but we can still use the doors!

[Dan Gerous]

If Airbus did advent calendars...

[Wensleydale]

A SPAM built aircraft?

[cynicalint]

When you peel the skin back, all pilots become the same colour!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Hoskins takes "Remove before flight" a little too literally.

[Kiltrash]

Told you not to pop that balloon behind the ' Mouse Catcher Airborne System '

[Chu Chu]

Bad day: You find wasps in the pitot tube.

Really bad day: A woodpecker finds them first.

[SLXOwft]

Keep 'em coming - ETJ Wednesday.

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/680x510/409_b6f38b0521b1560f069fd73ab81d38eb08b65f6d.jpg

[622]

"Hoskins, next time I say 'give it a gentle tap and see if you can get it working' ......I mean GENTLE !!!!"

[treadigraph]

Hoskins, when we play golf on the station links, a hole in one means something rather different...

[622]

Sir, The storeman is happy to write-off the boots.....
...but not the 8 watches, 3 flying suits, 4 Laptops, two microwaves and fridge freezer you 'claim' were lost during the incident!

[622]

Sgt, just leave the co-pilot there for a bit ....we will get him out later when he finally relaxes his grip on the coaming..
.....and hopefully over time the smell will dissipate to!

[622]

Good and bad news boss....

Bad news, you're an airframe down for a week or so...
Good News, Flt Lt Hoskins no longer has constipation!

[NutLoose]

Pppwwwwwwaaaaaaarrrrppp....Ahh that's better out than in, damn, I shouldn't of had that extra hot vindaloo last night, I'm telling you, that fart could melt metal.

[NutLoose]

That was a seriously Angry Bird, have you seen the damage, that was a bouncing bomb....





https://hero.fandom.com/wiki/Bomb_(The_Angry_Birds_Movie)

[NutLoose]

Well Homer, multiple dents and red staining, what do you think?

Arrggggghhhhhh Rasberry Ripple Droooollll....

[Kiltrash]

Yes Mr Hunt, for your next movie we have added a couple of extra handholds for you, but don't worry on the final print we can bluescreen them out.

[Kiltrash]

Little before scene what damage to the camera ship was done when Goose ejected. The Air Force said it was just a Bird Strike.. so not to have a serious compensation claim from the family

[Kiltrash]

No seriously there REALLY was nothing on the clock but the makers name

[Kiltrash]

If you think THIS is bad, you should see the other side.

[treadigraph]

Everybody hits a bird now and then...

Yeah, but in their nest?

(Oldie but goodie...)

[Kiltrash]

" 409 " what's the significance of " 409 " ??
Well 409th different aircraft damaged by Ft Lt Hoskins...think of it as a tally. However that was at last week, look over there, you'll see " 421 " ..

[Kiltrash]

After Rory shanked off the 5th tea he was pleasantly surprised the ball cannoned off a passing aircraft and fell to 5 foot from the hole.
He tapped in for the birdie...
or
He was left with a Dennis Wise... ( you have to be a golfer to follow that one 😁😁

[MPN11]

The Lead aircraft for the Moscow flypast caused the whole event to be cancelled. Hoskinski was last seen in the capable hands of the GRU.

[Buster Hyman]

"Oh no! They hit the Lavatory"
"...No, they missed"
"Okay...then where's that smell coming from?"
".......um"

[SASless]

Aw gee....would you look at that....an Irish RAT!

[Kiltrash]

I got his registration number " DoEno1 "

[Kiltrash]

Right, that takes care off Ant Man, the Sequel

[Buster Hyman]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/430x242/u9f_f06b45d123e19ab403b948bc592278dbeaa98500.gif

[Kiltrash]

Damm sage brush, never before seen at this altitude 😁

[SLXOwft]

Nutty::ok:

I was taking some time to reflect on the poor bird that made this possible.

In equal third place: Hydromet: Can't you read, Hoskins? It says the area within the lines must be smooth and clean.
and 622: Sir, The storeman is happy to write-off the boots.....
...but not the 8 watches, 3 flying suits, 4 Laptops, two microwaves and fridge freezer you 'claim' were lost during the incident!

In second: Self-loading Bear: This is a Repairbus A400M

However the winner of the CST is....




Chu Chu: Bad day: You find wasps in the pitot tube.

Really bad day: A woodpecker finds them first


PS. PM sent

[Chu Chu]

Thanks, SLXOwft.!

I promised myself I'd never post a foreign politician, but seeing this the day I won CapComp felt like fate. (And anyway, it's two foreign politicians :))

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/760x329/1652298343_74047148e39aabeda28a538f9ff9f5600f4c55b0.jpg

Apologies in advance for any obvious references I miss when judging.

[Self loading bear]

Foreign politicians?
Alien!

[Big Pistons Forever]

Rowing is just like running the country, going forward while looking backwards

[Big Pistons Forever]

I don't need a life jacket I can walk on water.

[cynicalint]

Does Anyone know how to sail the ship of state?

[cynicalint]

Pas de la Rhone que nous!

[cynicalint]

And this is how most single men try to immigrate into the UK!

[Hydromet]

Well it's better than the barbed wire canoe I'm usually in when I'm paddling up that other well-known creek.

[SASless]

See there....proved to them I do not have just one Oar in the water!

[Buster Hyman]

I don't care if people think it's a stupid idea. We promised to take us further away from Europe & I'm jolly well going to deliver! Now, hook up that rope to the pier! These favorable Atlantic winds won't last forever!

[Buster Hyman]

Do you think the Aussies will get the AUKUS joke when I row into Sydney harbour?

[Ascend Charlie]

Boris: "Stroke! Stroke!"
Her: "Boris, I am the cox, I am the one who says that."
Boris: "I know my cox, and I tell you I am having a stroke!"

[andytug]

Johnson talking rowlocks, as usual.

[treadigraph]

See, I told you Climate Change was important. We'll have to change the address to 10 Drowning Street...

But Boris, this is the Serpentine!

[MPN11]

Boris evaluates new Border Farce Immigrant Interceptor (BFFI)

[NutLoose]

You misheard me, I didn't say "Row ya Punt"



..

[NutLoose]

Well, you wanted to visit the Moskva

[NutLoose]

So Boris, what is it like being a rudderless leader?

[622]

Well, I'm used to being up the creek .....but no idea what these bits of wood I'm holding are for!

[NutLoose]

All this water, all we need now is some whisky to add a splash of it too and possibly some cake.

[NutLoose]

I hear you Swedes love a good meat ball or two...

[NutLoose]

Come in No10, your time is up.

[treadigraph]

Excellent idea Liz, get the Blob back to their offices in Whitehall, then flood the place!

[NutLoose]

Well if we had given you a life jacket, we would of had problems keel hauling you..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/760x329/image_f818af00d928a18af062a9a655a6acadf0e70743.png

[NutLoose]

If Labour had run the Titanic and If the Conservatives had ran the evacuation of Titanic

[NutLoose]

Prime Minister we have a splinter group in Sweden that oppose you..
Tell me about it, they're sticking in my arse, you really need to sand these seats down,

[treadigraph]

Awesome, Prime Minister!

Oar some? If I oar any more I'll get jolly tired!

[NutLoose]

I bet that's the first time the conservatives have pulled together in a long time.

[NutLoose]

Thar...he blows.......

[Buster Hyman]

"No Boris, I will not call you Capt. Jack Sparrow!"

[treadigraph]

The Owl of the Remove and the pussy cat went to sea in a beautiful varnished boat...

[Self loading bear]

Boris used to pull together on the right wing,
https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1094x600/090ef298_9c8d_4fde_949e_c8058326f5e5_c2da6abe33275f2b4105b7f e9f852f5428682c83.jpeg

Now he is paddling in the middle.

(this is NOT the caption picture!)

[Self loading bear]

This one might need some background googling:

Swedish Prime Minister think bubble:

”I thought I would have a press event with heavy metal band System of Down.
Now I ended up with a softy from Downing Street, that certainly does NOT rock my boat”

[Kiltrash]

OK so it's ONLY going to be one from me as I'm on Mobile Data in France in my campervan. ..up a mountain ... trying to speak English local dialect LOUDLY. ..

" So if you take out £1m life insurance, jump overboard, Fake your death , Grow a beard and.live in Panama all your problems will just go away? " ... Said Boris to Greta...hmm good idea...

[Dan Gerous]

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a...what's that rumbling noise?

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/760x329/image_f818af00d928a18af062a9a655a6acadf0e70743.png

[cynicalint]

What do you mean? You say I have to snap this single oar in two before I can row the boat?

[MPN11]

“NO, Boris!! That’s Snake Island over there!!”

[Buster Hyman]

"....One Ping only Vassili!"

[Cat3508]

And we will all pull together, our <<<<<<<<<< between our knees!

[Wensleydale]

Meanwhile, the Grauniad reports of a row brewing in the Cabinet.

[Buster Hyman]

Are you sure this is Virgin Voyages Boris?
....tee-hee!

[622]

FFS Boris!! ....the oars only work in the water, now do it properly!

[NutLoose]

I hadn't the heart to tell them we bought it at Ikea and we still have all these screws left over..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/760x329/image_f818af00d928a18af062a9a655a6acadf0e70743_c07e159762125 08338ac417805437e1885cd996b.png

[NutLoose]

Don't worry we're sending out Uncle Albert to rescue them.

[NutLoose]

Funny, I always thought the arse end was at the back.

[NutLoose]

No, A straw boater is totally different.

[Wensleydale]

The RN celebrates the 40th anniversary of the sinking of the Belgrano.

[NutLoose]

Can I put in a mileage claim for this?

[fitliker]

Not punt you cloth-eared tripe-muncher , I didn’t say I wanted some Swedish “Punt” and anyway this is a rowing boat , so I will row all I want with whomever I choose to argue or row with .

[NutLoose]

The inaugural launching of Bloaty McBoatface 11

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry Prime Minister, that heavy anchor we tied to your legs is simply to stop us drifting when we get to the photoshoot area.

[cynicalint]

Oh phucing h3ell! The paparazzi have caught us even here! How do I explain it to Carrie?

[cynicalint]

Oi! Reporter! This was not pre-planned, we are 2 meters apart, there is no cake or curry in the boat, no rules have been broken, and Carrie knows I am here!"

[Hydromet]

You idiot! I wanted a girl who peddled it 'round town, not one who paddled it 'round the tarn.

[SASless]

No Cockleshell Hero this guy!

[treadigraph]

"Row row row your boat gently up :mad: creek
Starmer's caught with trousers down, isn't life a shriek!"

Ok, Liz, now a verse about Putin...

"Pole pole pole your boat gently like a punt...."

[treadigraph]

"...I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
It’s quiet-but, that apart
There are plenty worse off, for example
The Only Sea Lord, for a start
He was called out last Wednesday evening
(Joint Ops with the Army, my oath)
But their rowing boat sank in the Channel
Which obliged me to rescue them both..."

(Grateful acknowledgement to whoever wrote that wonderful poem)

[Wensleydale]

The PM finds a cheaper way to fly to Rwanda for a meeting....

[Dan Gerous]

Hurry up you fat oaf, or we'll miss eurovision

[SASless]

At least he only got caught with a pair of Oars this time!

[Chu Chu]

It looks like the tide's starting to ebb on this one, so I'll aim to judge it around 0100 Harpsund time.

[MPN11]

Boris wondered if christening it Moskva was actually another stupid decision.

"Keep Calm, and Carrie On."

[Kiltrash]

Finally back in civilisation. ..So now onto Gib ... I can get my UK Pension sent there, knew the Chancellor did have a use after all ...

[Kiltrash]

Whatdoyoumean I'm rowing against the tide?? Of public opinion ...

[Kiltrash]

That's OK PM as we're outside the British 12 mile limit your safe from UK jurisdiction , now I hope we show up on that Supertanker Radar...
or
Del Boy voice. ..Rodney!! the steering jammed ...
( cr Miami Twice )
or
Is that a periscope sticking up between your legs or are you just pleased to see me..

[treadigraph]

Boris, my feet are getting wet. When you drained the bilges earlier, did you put the bung back in?

[NutLoose]

I thought you said a couple of whores.

[Chu Chu]

No one mentioned the Treaty of Örebro. but lots of great entries, as always. Or come to think if it, those two facts may not be entirely unrelated . . .

In third place, I have Nutloose with: "I hadn't the heart to tell them we bought it at Ikea and we still have all these screws left over."

In second, Big Pistons Forever with: "I don't need a life jacket I can walk on water."

And the winner is . . . wait for it. . . SASless with: "At least he only got caught with a pair of Oars this time!"

The trophy will be along as soon as I find a paddle.

[SASless]

0536. hrs here upon learning of my temporary possession of Mr. Coffmans Trophy.....and am about to take the boat out and attempt to fetch home some fish for the Mr. JR Mewing and Commodore Frady's dinner.

Upon my return about Noon I shall post a photo....unless I wind up sweatily involved with a pair of either Oars or Whores then I shall be a bit late on that ETA.

[SASless]

Try this one....



https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/poster_fbaab63a57d149a7ad3b85ebbb9ec991_5768533ef098d49ce848 6548e104954c82e6b427.jpg

[cavuman1]

Huey, Dewey, Louie, Phooey, and Unca Donald discuss the slashes in Scrooge McDuck's defense budget.

- Ed

[treadigraph]

Now... I know I had the keys when I left my room...

[NutLoose]

I’m telling you, it’s impossible to play pocket billiards, I don’t know how they do it..



​​​​​….

[NutLoose]

So finally an all female crew………. You are all females aren’t you..
.

[NutLoose]

And when we pull the strings in our pockets we can scatter the soil all over the sports pitch.

[NutLoose]

You put your left leg in
Your left leg out
In, out, in, out
You shake it all about
You do the hokey cokey
And you turn around
That's what it's all about

[NutLoose]

So, he said he envisaged me in an apron and I told him flat that I have all the apron I need at work.

[fdr]

I told you, didn't I, but you just don't listen... that was the last rest stop for 300 miles.... where are you going to find a gas station out here? Tell me! Well.... ?

[SASless]

Right Girls....what happens on an RON stays within the Crew!

[NutLoose]

And finally, next time when he asks have you got your ear muffs girls, don’t burst out giggling.

[cynicalint]

I'll ask you again! Which of you three superglued this helicopter to my ar5e?

[Chu Chu]

Are you sure that's all that's leaking? It doesn't look orange to me.

[treadigraph]

Iro... irritate, no, irriga, no, iraqui... dang, nab it!

Just call it a Huey, Sarge...

[MPN11]

OK, I just want to know who left that used tampon hangng there, and I'll say no more about this incident.

[Kiltrash]

Don't blame me, Camber, Portobello Tenby, Slapton...they all look the same to me...
(for those not of a UK persuasion, these are all sandy beaches )...said Po Harry Wales in his early days

[Kiltrash]

...well always look on the bright side of life. ..you could be a civil servant ...

[Kiltrash]

When queried why Ms Hoskins had taken off in Chinook and returned in a Huey. ..replied, .. well it was all grubby and I put it through a hot wash...

[Ascend Charlie]

"Darned election campaigns, they pull us out of the kitchen, dress us in flying suits, and take pictures to show how inclusive they are. Should we give them a Browneye?"

[Chu Chu]

I know -- let's paint it pink.

No, then might end up on CapComp. Imagine what the jokes would be.

[Dan Gerous]

Will the cyclic align with our cycles?

[NutLoose]

And please Jane stop stroking the collective lever, the autopilot cannot cope.

[cynicalint]

Well, errr, ummm, the thing is....thanks for volunteering, but you need to know that,, ahhh, the VIP co-pilot is err um sorry, Prince Andrew!

[Hydromet]

"...and he got a real shock when I told him I had a bigger chopper than him!"

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_8d92507ba4de06bfc6d383ad549a337f023c4d60.jpeg

[NutLoose]

So did you, you did didn’t you, how was he?

[SASless]

I did not push the Emergency Cargo Hook Release on purpose...I am just not used to wearing Comboot Bats!

[NutLoose]

I heard you got a posting on the new Lakota but turned it down for these, why?
These vibrate…

[Wensleydale]

When the Boss said that I was in "Q", I didn't realise that it was for him.

[622]

Look, I definitely saw a spider in there........

[622]

The Lynx effect!
(For overseas viewers ....a catchphrase from a UK deodorant advert)

[Dan Gerous]

Sorry, I meant to say strap in.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Who was the mongrel who super-glued our boots together??"

[treadigraph]

My boyfriend says I'm all torque these days...

[[email protected]]

OK Shirley, where did you last see the keys since they're not in your pocket..............

[Buster Hyman]

I know Sarge, I’m sorry but,,,it’s just that those oscillations on idle, well…phwoar!

[SASless]

Shirley was having to remain mum....as the Key Party had not turned out as she had hoped.....regretting the Lady Typhoon Pilot had gone off with the Chinook Pilot.

[Buster Hyman]

I know Ride of the Valkyrie is iconic, but I thought mixing it up with I am Woman would be a morale booster!

[NutLoose]

Clunk click every trip refers to your seat belt, not your love balls.

[fitliker]

Move over Top Gun 2 . Chicken Hawk 2 , the Chicks version is promising to be a real chopper of a movie . Guaranteed to make you cry . A simple story of girls and their choppers far away from home . Not as gay as Top Gun 1 , but filled with tear jerking moments that will make a grown man cry.

[NutLoose]

Why they called it multi glam i'll never know..

[NutLoose]

Damn, this stuff just does not work well with suspenders..

[fitliker]

What would be more challenging flying while wearing seven inch stilettos or Red clown shoes in Bozo Bojo size ?

[MPN11]

"So, what say we form a Display Team and call it the Green Arrows?"

[NutLoose]

It was so sexist, when they handed out the call signs I thought I might get “maverick” or “goose” or something along those lines, but I was given “duck” and when I asked why, they said well you f*ck a “duck”…

[Dan Gerous]

Stay round this side, out of sight girls, otherwise they'll rip the piss out of us on Pprune

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_8d92507ba4de06bfc6d383ad549a337f023c4d60.jpeg

[NutLoose]

When we requested small arms, we never expected them to be attached to a small woman..

[fitliker]

They tried calling her bouncing Betty , not because she goes off if you step on her , but because she never slows down in turbulence . Hence the moniker bouncing Betty . Then the moon rose and nobody spoke of it again .

[NutLoose]

We can’t leave yet, bitching Betty hasn’t turned up.

[cynicalint]

Our task is to visit Kier Starmer so he can be shown what a woman is and then he will be able to define one at the next labour party conference! Any Questions?

[NutLoose]

I’ve told them that we won’t take it until they fit a mirror so we can check our hair and makeup.

[NutLoose]

Slight problem Sarge, the POH says enter the cockpit, but none of us have a c*ck.

[fitliker]

All female flight decks are known as the box office , no sausage required just a good grip for the controls .

[Ascend Charlie]

"When I started training, I was too rough on the cyclic, so the IP told me to treat it like it was my boyfriend's...well, you know...and suddenly I was really smooth, but all I could see was the floor, not the attitude, and the saliva shorted out the intercom."

[NutLoose]

I know they said wear body armour, but this damned chastity belt is so bloody uncomfortable.

[treadigraph]

I thought you said you could read a map?

[NutLoose]

And with the controller in my pocket I can turn the vibration all the way up to te....oooohhh my God...ohhhhh

[NutLoose]

Not one, but two navigators on board with a simple trip the the Big Apple.......... can you see can you see the Big Apple? in fact can you see a bloody tree?

[NutLoose]

I have never seen a weapons drill carried out so fast, from the command, cock, hook and look, you had that poor door gunners trousers around his ankles in under 10 seconds..

[Big Pistons Forever]

Second person from the left

Aw shucks how was I to know the rotor down draft was going to knock over the mens latrine ?

Last one on the right

Well I bet they won’t Piss us off again !

[Dan Gerous]

What's wrong Kath?
The guys gave me some money to get the duty free in while we were here, but now I'm not sure if Vuitton handbags and Chanel perfume is what they were after.

[ShyTorque]

“Well, one of you definitely left the toilet seat up!”

[Kiltrash]

Still waiting for issue 1921, the rotor head...

[Kiltrash]

Well no sorry, but I've had to go Commando today. My boyfriends wearing mine

[Kiltrash]

Look, when on exercise always remember to pack your She Wee....

[Kiltrash]

So explain again Camouflage? and why the aircrafts in Green and we're in Brown...

[Kiltrash]

Well all I remember was going for a few drinks with the girls down the Gallowgate one Friday evening, passing the recruitment office and saying watch this...
all I meant to do was a boozy flash of me t*ts and a5se through the window ..
( for Gallowgate insert your local Students booze street ..this one's in Newcastle )

[Chu Chu]

The Bell of the ball.

[Hydromet]

The belles of the Bell.

[treadigraph]

The belles of hell go whoppa whoppa whopp...

[Kiltrash]

( deep sigh..) Always enjoyed flying Bravo November.... till that Nutloose balanced the rotor blade...

[Buster Hyman]

Remember, make sure the strap-on is tight next time! Now, for Gods sake, get it off the door & unhook it from the Rotor before the CO sees it!

[Kiltrash]

Brenda, I know you have issues but putting on a Pilots uniform does NOT make you a Pilot, now get back to your day job as a Brain Surgeon...
( bet you thought I was gonna tag line it as Get back to the Kitchen. 😁.)

[Kiltrash]

I know you have nowhere to plug in your hairdryer but please next time dont use a $5m Turbine

[NutLoose]

Sighh, it's that time of the month again..... I have to bring my logbook up to date :(

[NutLoose]

What could possibly go wrong...I asked Santa for a big chopper with a large girth and I found this in my "Stocking" :(

[[email protected]]

Right - which of you is a biological woman, who identifies as woman without a womb, who is the lesbian, who is non-binary and who can't make their mind up today?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Right, we've had our photo taken sitting in all the crew positions. We just have to wait on this side out of sight until the man turns up to fly us out.

[fitliker]

The absolute liberation of a number two haircut must be right up there with the unbinding of the bun .

[SLXOwft]

"...so I told him 'A helicopter needs a male pilot like a fish needs a cyclic'."