Caption Competition Mk III

[Chu Chu]

How was the march?

It wasn't too far as the crow flies, but the dog legs were bitches.

[Ascend Charlie]

The CO of the 101st Blind Paratroopers decided to use 2 guide dogs, in case the first one was too scared to bark when it was time to pull the ripcord.

[Kiltrash]

Mobile Cat Attack System is rolled out to the troops.
$6m dollars for this??

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins does not realise he has been enrolled in a blind dog food taste test.

[Kiltrash]

Troops keep pictures of their loved ones in their wallets,
Why your dogs he is asked
More Loyal. don't cost much and always a welcoming bit of tail...

[Buster Hyman]

Puppies? No, these are deconstructed slippers.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x400/1614941156_544957c63e323dcb83acd00278b500f5810fb1e7.jpeg

Cpl Magoo joins in the annual hog roast.

[treadigraph]

They've developed a real taste for eating dynamite - it's given me an idea...

[Kiltrash]

Having broken his NVG Cpl Klinger seeks alternative way to sniff out the Taliban
But why do you need two?
Ranging dear boy Ranging

[treadigraph]

Just because my name is Jim Osmond...

[Kiltrash]

...and if the desert wind get into the tent at night, can be used as draught excluders

[Kiltrash]

No, my wife sent them as a pyjama case, but don't want to appear woosey. ..

[Chu Chu]

All this time I've been walking with dogs on my chest when I should have been swimming with cats on my back. Who knew?

[Kiltrash]

After what happened to Lady Gaga's dogs, President Biden creates a protection squad for FDOTUS

[Kiltrash]

Why are you holding them so tight to your chest?
( insert your sports team name here ) 's Manager can't hold onto a lead...

[NutLoose]

We'll soon clear a path, Jake throw a bogroll into the minefield...

[Kiltrash]

Why are you looking after these dogs?
it's the butlers day off....said Harry

[c52]

"It's my early warning system. When they get scared, their bowels turn to water."

[c52]

"They **** straight into my pockets, so I don't need to pick it up."

[NutLoose]

I said fit some extra pouches, not pooches

[NutLoose]

Ok I’ll distract the Afghan kids with the puppies, you steal their football.

[c52]

"The reason I'm holding the left-hand one lower than the right-hand one is the splendiferousness of my pilot's watch."

[Wensleydale]

"The reason I'm holding the left-hand one lower than the right-hand one is the splendiferousness of my pilot's watch."

A Watch Dog?

[Kiltrash]

Little ol lady off to the left.......Oh thank you soldier for rescuing my dogs from the swollen river,
You want to come home with me, take your trousers off and I 'll massage some heat back into your groin area ?

[Wensleydale]

The US Army shows how it tries to to Winalot.

[Wensleydale]

Looking back at lessons from history, the Army tries to recruit Pal Battalions once more.

[NutLoose]

What? The Sarge said we had to wear our dog tags...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/311x162/image_5c8bb6f5f2785fa8255a772c8071117b42106ade.jpeg

[Kiltrash]

Hank helps Lt Gruber with inspiration for his latest masterpiece. .." The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. "

[Kiltrash]

When I said we were going Dogging tonight this is not what I meant

[Kiltrash]

These are for the girls to go ga-ga over. Get the Go Pro on the collar and send them into the shower block.
No you clot the Woman's area.

[c52]

"Hello, Padre."

"Hello, sorry about my appearance - my dog collar got lost in the wash, and my wife said these would do just as well."

[cavuman1]

The Itchy and Scratchy Show....

- Ed

[Hydromet]

Bloggs, when I said "Get yourself to Labrador", I meant fly to Goose Bay!

[Kiltrash]

Well when I walk into the nightclub, all the girls forget about dancing.

[Kiltrash]

Mr Picasso, How much longer am I to stand here holding these puppies up...

[Kiltrash]

Only way these Dashunds are getting up these steps.

[Kiltrash]

Look you retired 5 years ago but you still insist on being called Captain. When you were only a General Dogsbody. Now just take your wife's pet for their daily exercise

[NutLoose]

Well I was sitting on the bog having a hamlet moment and these barstewards stole my bog roll

[treadigraph]

No, no, "hush puppies" is what I said after I mistook them for my carpet slippers.

Ah! Should have gone to Specsavers.

They're not that small...

[Big Pistons Forever]

This new Democrat mandated Army sensitivity training program is really helping me with connect with my inner feelings, it just what an Infantryman needs !

[Wensleydale]

The misprint in the ATO advised the tanker crew to expect two retrievers.

[Buster Hyman]

These are for Prince Charles. Apparently, he’s had a gutful of Corgis.

[Kiltrash]

Well that's the seventeenth time I have dropped them and unlike the cats last week still not landed on their paws. ...
Sarge got a call for you from the RSPCA...

[c52]

Mainwaring: "Now, what's this about, Wilson?"

Wilson: "I think they're rather sweet, sir, don't you? I've trained them to go on parade with us - if I say 'Would you awfully mind falling in now, please, quick as you can' they obey me faultlessly."

[Wensleydale]

Well its better than having a Combat Ready Cat...

[Kiltrash]

Yes of course I'm a dog lover...
Sarge wanna couple of beers???...
erm...

[Kiltrash]

These? They are replacement swabs for the A1M1 barrel, where's the broom handle.

[Kiltrash]

Not allowed to use small children to sweep the chimneys anymore. ....

[622]

Right, going to need my puppies back...so last call - judging tomorrow morning!

[treadigraph]

You want them back? Oh... well there goes that entry...

[Kiltrash]

You want them back? Tribbles are less trouble ...

[Buster Hyman]

Whaddya mean Trump didn’t say ‘grab em by the puppy’?

[Wensleydale]

The Terriertorial Army?

[c52]

"When I told you the Russians were planning to send over a large force of Cats, I was referring to the AN-10 by its NATO code name, not pet animals."

[NutLoose]

There, there, did you scare that nasty cat, you shouldn't pick on them you know, Jags have a big enough inferiority complex as it is.

[NutLoose]

Pipe Major, I have a couple of new Bagpipes for you.

[Chu Chu]

-- Where are we going to find pet food?

-- Don't worry about it. It's a dog-eat-dog world.

[Kiltrash]

We got divorced, think I got the better deal

[Chu Chu]

What is this, Hopkins? Another dogged attempt to curry favor?

​​​​​​Not at all, sir. But the locals favor curried dog. . .

[DogTailRed2]

Do Vietnamese women wear Khmer Rouge?

[Kiltrash]

These? Took them in exchange for a flight out of Saigon on the last chopper

[NutLoose]

Better get these on the breakfast barbie before he scores it, who wants hotdawgs?..

[NutLoose]

I call them Mustard and Relish, they're a couple of hotdogs.

[NutLoose]

It's a dog eat dog world, OK Gentlemen, Hoskins here is taking the bets.

[622]

Well, lets not 'Paws' any longer...

Sorry, but I am going to have to hand the CST trophy straight back to Nutloose with :

So you're trying to tell us soldier, these are Saddam's secret labs we've been looking for and you expect us to run the story....

Well done...and I apologise if the trophy smells faintly of Winalot...but I think I got most of it out!

[NutLoose]

Ok As I just did one OPEN HOUSE....... WOHOOOOOOOO.... Thanks 622 :)

[Kiltrash]

Did someone say Win a lot? ?
Well done Nutty. Can't get too excited.
https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x1600/img_20210309_wa0001_8a3e8cc9afc6ba64c9ff603df9f4f2c73ca5b6ca .jpg

[cavuman1]

This holding the Earth in place is hard work!

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

If I may pop up for your captioning mirth...




https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x600/54520aa569bedd8c0563f76d_jpeg_fad3723153839ed12e6d6512a2c094 c063c31a6d.jpg

[Hydromet]

...and now, Great Leader, I'll just light this blue touch paper, and you can have your free trial flight.

[Buster Hyman]

Perhaps we can disassemble the airframe.
Perhaps...regardless of that, this is gonna take a long time to get him out. He’s really jammed in there!

[Buster Hyman]

I’m sure the inflight catering isn’t far off. He was seen in the last caption...

[treadigraph]

Eminent Korean Aircraft Designer: Whatever you do don't press that red button...

LFO: Why not?

EKAD: You'll release this section of the roof and the ejector seat will fire... Wooooosh!

LFO: Ejector seat? You're joking!

EKAD: I never joke about my work, Great Leader...

[treadigraph]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x600/54520aa569bedd8c0563f76d_jpeg_fad3723153839ed12e6d6512a2c094 c063c31a6d.jpg

[treadigraph]

Yeeeeeerrrrrrrrroooooooooowwwwwww, taka taka taka, got you, you imperialist pig dog, yeeeeeeoooooooorooooooooooooooooo, another one in my sights huh, taka taka taka, eat lead western capitalist poodle... Excuse me, is there a toilet in here?

[c52]

(points at clock) "And explain this fine DPRK invention to me."

[c52]

"I'm sitting in this rather comfortable chair and neither of you is cutting my hair. OFF WITH YOUR HEADS!"

[Ascend Charlie]

The Microsoft engineers show Yung Fat Wun how to start his new home simulator, the best in the world, but wish they had armed the ejection seat.

[c52]

"Don't lean back, Dear Leader, or the Royal Crest will get greasy."

[Ascend Charlie]

"General! What's this funny little pink thing in the mirror?"
"Errr... that's your penis, Grorious Reader..."
"Huh! Haven't seen it in years! Clean it for me!"

[622]

Yes, I know Glorious leader you were amazing at golf on your first round with no lessons...but it's not a good idea for you to take this up with no experience - it is very dangerous!

...on second thoughts, fill your boots...runway is over there!

[treadigraph]

How do I make the missiles live? That's my sister's house in the, ah whaddyamacallit, the viewfinder... She's having another baby shower today.

[MPN11]

"How does this avoid ban on leisure air travel?"

"Simple, Great One ... declare war and claim it for work purposes."

[treadigraph]

Ah, so the weapons systems are "fire and forget" are they? Wouldn't work for me, I believe in "eliminate with extreme prejudice and forget"...

[Buster Hyman]

"Why is there a Doily on the head rest?"
"Ahh, Glorious Leader. That is made by the factory worker who assembled this aircraft. It was actually my Grandmother!"
"...okay, I'm outta here."

[cattletruck]

You be my RIO Peeking Duck
and you be my wingman Rice Man.
Now sing-a-rong Highway to the obese danger zone.

[Dan Gerous]

Shouldn't that oxygen mask be hanging from the roof?
No Great Leader, that is weak minded imperialistic pig dog method. We use Ram Air method.

[Dan Gerous]

It's all very well buying brand new general, but as soon as you taxi it of the line it loses 20% of it's value. We'll stick with the used Mig 17's

[c52]

"General, you will remain in that position and your flogging will continue until my seat is raised so I can look out of the window."

[Chu Chu]

The mission was scratched when it proved impossible to find an appropriate callsign for the Esteemed Leader's wingman. (The protocol chief, of course, was shot at dawn.)

[622]

General "No glorious leader, when he said it must be a faulty knob on the end of the control column....he did not mean you!"

Engineer thinks .....That is exactly what I meant!

[622]

OK, now get the choir assembled on the grass over there to hum the Top Gun theme!

[MPN11]

peering myopically at instruments ... "This G-meter thing, that something to do with G-spot for female pilots?"

[Chu Chu]

The headrest cover looked nice, but was placed too high to address the crews' concerns about lice.

[NutLoose]

You may have seen Captain chung in the film Topgun glorious leader..
Was he maverwick?
No, he was the one that bugged out..

[NutLoose]

And this is the ADF, no good in North Korea as we have no beacons, but it tunes into Radio Seoul vary good leader... we use it to liste... err navigate to our targets.

[Dan Gerous]

What is this here?
It's the IFF Great Leader
Why do we need that, everyone is our foe.



https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x600/54520aa569bedd8c0563f76d_jpeg_fad3723153839ed12e6d6512a2c094 c063c31a6d.jpg

[c52]

"I deeply regret that the sun is almost shining into your eyes, dear Leader and Great Pilot. I shall have an aircraft designed that always takes off and lands with the sun behind it," (thinks - just as soon as I've arranged my passage to Seoul)

[treadigraph]

LFO: What is this red light for?

General: Oh it means that the weight of the seat occupant takes it outside ejection parameters...

LFO: WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?

General (with astonishing mental agility): Yes, your Worshipfullness, you are too LIGHT for the seat to work properly...

[c52]

"Yes, of course those two long bits of metal pointing up at the sky are your skis."

[c52]

"What is this flashing red light? It says O-V-E-R-W-E-I-G-H-T."

[treadigraph]

LFO: Those bastard PPRuNers are using my magnificent likeness for another caption contest. Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

(General in aside to his lackey: Quick, get the sink plunger, hurry, man, hurry, before he self-immolates)

[c52]

"Why am I in a trainer aircraft? I demand a supersonic bomber for my ab initio training."

[c52]

"OK, I'm going to take-off now, but first you two have to get in the back with - WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR PENCILS AND NOTEBOOKS?"

[c52]

"Most certainly not, Dear Leader. I assure you you did not land on the grass. Some idiot moved the runway, that's all, and he has already been shot."

[Ascend Charlie]

"Instead of putting you two in front of the anti-aircraft guns, I will just push this button marked "CROSE RID""

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Now, when I was on rightnings.....

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You two have kicked the tires? Ok, so I think this one rights the fires.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Next sir, I will just connect the oxygen mask to your helmet.
But I'm not wearing a helmet.
Oh.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The other pilots might have crew-chiefs. I have crew-generals!

[Buster Hyman]

Is this the Netflix screen?

[Ascend Charlie]

"What this thing?"
"The Attitude Indicator, Grorious Reader!"
"Well, it shows me you have a bad attitude! Report to firing squad immediately!"

[MPN11]

"Is this small screen able to get forbidden BBC broadcasts?"

[NutLoose]

Yes that gauge calculates the distance to lift off leader...
But I have seen secret photos of Britisher Jaguar and it has two needles like clock.
Ahh yes, but that one requires several revolutions to get off..

[NutLoose]

Yes you are correct, one press brings room service leader.

[andytug]

"Your uncle is too close for missiles, switching to guns....."

[Kiltrash]

OK everyone, Last Orders Please

Calling 09.00 UK Friday....

[NutLoose]

As you can see glorious leader, on the screen the laser is spiking the group of soldiers in the background and you can see the LGB flying down the beam towards them.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x600/image_ee028e78e235a77195f91d0aab1a67938350c258.jpeg

[NutLoose]

So if I press this the canopy will slam shut beheading the both of you...... cool.

[NutLoose]

That is the hairbra... sorry airbrake.

[NutLoose]

Yes glorious leader, as you suggested, we looked at what the fastest American dogs aircraft would do then recalibrated our Mach meters to make ours faster.

[Kiltrash]

The results are in and.... 622 earns the Silver medal with

General "No glorious leader, when he said it must be a faulty knob on the end of the control column....he did not mean you!"

Engineer thinks .....That is exactly what I meant!

.... However Gold goes to Traffic with

Now, when I was on rightnings.....

Expect a sanitised trophy by the end of the day...

Ps I would have offered

I'm not saying Great Leader is short, but he is sitting on wee Jimmy Krankie

[treadigraph]

Little Fat Wun: Kiltrash may have called this round of the caption contest but it doesn't mean he's no longer in my sights!

General: Careful, Glorious Leader, Traffic may come up with an even less complimentary picture of Your Eminence and you only have limited ammunition!

LFW: Even less complimentary? How DARE you! Guards!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Ask and you shall receive!

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1440x984/kim_jong_un_north_korea_vf_d5e08e4318b38d2ecc2042a29e30ad576 45319a4.jpg

[Hydromet]

"I'll hold him, you hit him."

[NutLoose]

This is what you get when you wash your shirts with H.Omo the Chinese rip off for that whiter white.

[NutLoose]

Don’t shoot until you see the white of his shirt.

[NutLoose]

Ahhhhhhh Shackletons.

[NutLoose]

Ahhhh the three man lift.... won’t he laugh..

[Hydromet]

The NorK Army Cossack Dancing Team hadn't quite got it right yet.

[cattletruck]

Hair cut time.

[Ascend Charlie]

The annual Korean Mosquito-Catching Championship has begun, and the lad in the middle row sees one on Grorious Reader's head, and wonders if he should go for the kill...

[Wensleydale]

Little did Kim know as he was about to be made an honorary member of the NKAF Regiment.....

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1440x984/kim_jong_un_north_korea_vf_d5e08e4318b38d2ecc2042a29e30ad576 45319a4.jpg

The soldier sitting directly behind prays that Little Fat Wun's 10 helpings of Kimchi the previous evening are not about to re-emerge in gaseous form...

[treadigraph]

Don't worry Glorious Leader, we've got the Honourable Pyongyang Fire Department on their way with heavy, er, specialist lifting gear, they'll soon have you on your feet again...

[Kiltrash]

Human substitute for the Tug o War rope

[Kiltrash]

Kim's 37 Best Men attempt to get him to the Wedding on time.

[Kiltrash]

Oprah's next interview declares that there is no Racism in his Cabinet.

[Kiltrash]

Far left middle row.
Lotus Blossom finally comes out in the men's only Army.

[Kiltrash]

Nice touch tbe flag over his heart. Makes the Snipers job easier...

[Kiltrash]

Having been photographed with the Army, next stop the Navy. Get my Frogmans outfit....

[MPN11]

As a consequence of UN sanctions, only light blue socks were available.

[Wensleydale]

The competition to replace Daniel Craig hots up.

[c52]

Finally, the cook responsible for last night's curry is captured.

[Buster Hyman]

Cpl. Agar (Bottom right) wonders how he ended up in another F Troop.

[Buster Hyman]

Oceans 25 was now just taking the pi$$!

[Ascend Charlie]

Front row, far right, was the lucky recipient of a blast of kimchi residue from the general who raised one knee to release it. had to hold his hat on, too...

[Buster Hyman]

South Korea downgrades it's NK Nuke test warning, once they see ol fatty on the ground.

[Buster Hyman]

Token Female for International Womens Day was sent back to the call centre after the photo was taken.

[c52]

"There's a war to be won here. I have no time for medals and other flim-flam. It'll be best for morale if you, that is we, don't show off our honours."

[Buster Hyman]

Our Great Leader found safe & well in a field after an accidental misfiring of an ejection seat...

[treadigraph]

Little Fat Wun has to be restrained when the photographer unwisely calls "OK, stomachs in..." Let him take picture first, Glorious Leader, we run out of good photographers if you execute them all like fellow who shoot you fighter plane..."

[treadigraph]

Standing up, sitting down, you're still almost the shortest bloke in North Korea...

[Kiltrash]

When playing football the NK National Team brings on its specialist defensive wall unit.

[Kiltrash]

Fresh delivery of notebooks are applauded, supply of pens next week.

[Kiltrash]

Class of '97 get together and are surprised how each of them did so well.

[Kiltrash]

Kim sees the * Big Red Button * The Generals frantically try to keep him away from it.

[Kiltrash]

AC 12 serve Kim a Reg 15 notice

[Chu Chu]

Comrades in arms.

[Chu Chu]

To prove that only he was immune to hypnosis, Kim Jong-Un assigned his two most trustworthy generals to monitor his arms for the slightest sign of clapping.

[Chu Chu]

Kim took no chances with getting the clap.

[Kiltrash]

At the end of the North Korean World Series the players all applaud the Most Valuable Player.
" What are the rules? " asked the bemused spectator off screen
Kim must win was the reply.

[Kiltrash]

Kim demands the President of Amazon appears to explain the delay in the Throne delivery...

[Kiltrash]

" Your mission, Mr Clone of Kim, is to infiltrate the North Korean President Trump Appreciation society "
As usual if you or any of your IMF Force are captured, the Secretary will disavow your actions....

[c52]

"Unkempt hair, shirt not tucked in - I still don't have the Johnson effect."

-- "Your serene highness is of course already an accomplished liar, but the people need to know you are lying."

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1440x984/kim_jong_un_north_korea_vf_d5e08e4318b38d2ecc2042a29e30ad576 45319a4.jpg

[treadigraph]

Guy at back behind Kim's right shoulder: "I got one and it was THIS big!"

General in Grey "Your hands further apart, Oh Glorious One, you simply must have the biggest goldfish in all Korea, it's so important...

[c52]

"I've invented a new TV show called 'North Korea's Got Talent' with me as the compere. The only problem is, I'm the only man in the country with talent. Advise me."

[NutLoose]

Musical chairs turned out to be a right bitch when it was found they had no chairs.

[pohm1]

World class golfer and now an accomplished dentist, are there no limits to his talents?

[Kiltrash]

Interviewer asks " Don't you think your Army is a bit top heavy on Generals? "

" They no Generals, they carry my medals, not spoiling the cut of my shirt."

[Kiltrash]

Why you all wear old fashioned watches? Because smart time can be hacked by the Americans

( my PPRune time is 08.24...(GMT ))

[c52]

"Dear Leader, you must not leap for joy when Air Force demonstrates flying 4'6" above the runway."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

A quick one is a good one:

When I first saw this pic, I was intrigued by the officer front row far right. Since Ascend Charlie was the first to reference him, I award him the CST for
Front row, far right, was the lucky recipient of a blast of kimchi residue from the general who raised one knee to release it. had to hold his hat on, too...

(My entrant would have been:
Officer front row, far right becomes the first one aware that the photographer may have been misunderstood when he pointed at the sole of GL's shoe and shouted "CLAP!")

The CST medal ribbon will be printed multiple times on some cardboard, and dispatched along with the trophy so you can append it to chest and wear it with pride, as these fellows do.

[Ascend Charlie]

Honoured indeed, thank you. However, not in position to provide a pic, so:

Open House.

[Buster Hyman]

Since Ascend Charlie was the first to reference him, I award him the CST for

ummm....was he though? :p

Well done AC.:D

[c52]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1012x566/ikikik_2__1f723b403b0b868e2520b6ef2b95e000416d3eda.jpg

[c52]

Found this in a Portuguese newspaper and I have no idea what is going on or who is in the middle.

[treadigraph]

Defence cut backs and green considerations dictate alternative methods to supply ground power and get the RAF's Quadra-Puffs started...

[Chu Chu]

The cyclists panicked when they realized it wasn't Jaguar behind them.

[treadigraph]

The Prince of Wales mistakes Downing Street for RAF Northolt...

[NutLoose]

Norman Tebbits on your bike to seek a proper job seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

[NutLoose]

Boris and Co try out their self powered peloton conference terminals after announcing the sale and withdrawal from service of their BAe 146 aircraft previously used to attend conferences.

[cattletruck]

It's the new green 146 prototype that runs on electricity, hot air, and methane gas. Just a few more billion pounds and it will get off the ground.

[Kiltrash]

Found this in a Portuguese newspaper and I have no idea what is going on or who is in the middle.

C52 hate to break it to you ol chap but we have already moved on from the NORK picture. Do try and keep up

[Kiltrash]

146 is equipped with additional small 5th and 6th engines

[Kiltrash]

The Police decree that Charity Plane Pulling during the Pandemic can only be done through the virtual Peloton app

[Kiltrash]

During the stop over the electric plane is refuelled

[Kiltrash]

Lady in middle.
" Sorry PM but Joe Wicks had better things to do "

[Kiltrash]

Well two of the three did not see the 'Lycra ' Memo......Thank God

[Kiltrash]

Cabinet office suggest the PM takes part in a 24 hour Charity cycling event to show he is a man of the People.

Anything to stop him attending the daily Covid Press Conference and putting his foot in it...

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to ' Regain the Streets ' in South London the Home Secretary knows exactly where the PM and Chancellor are.

[treadigraph]

32 Sqn's BAe 146-200 gets a makeover as the EJ-85, re-engined with electric hair driers...

[Kiltrash]

Pm. " ok be over in 30 minutes for the zip line photo op "
Rishi " now two and two is..."
Trainer...." they don't pay me enough to look after these clowns "

[ShyTorque]

"Damn...they're right - the wheels HAVE come off!"

[Kiltrash]

Trainer.....watch where you are putting the Pitot Tube
Boris....me next

[Kiltrash]

Laura Kenny looks to get more funding for British Cycling

[Kiltrash]

Team Sky Doctor refuses to name who he got the Testosterone for. The PM appears to {know}more than he is saying.

thanks C52

[c52]

[ Kiltrash - is there a 'know' missing there? ]

[Chu Chu]

Brexit didn't do the 007 production budget any favors. But with a little cropping and the right CGI background, no one will know the difference.

[Kiltrash]

Need to have a look again at the rules for the Keiran. Thought there was a motorbike in front instead.

[Kiltrash]

PM takes up cycling after he sees what it does for Ms Sturgeon

[Dan Gerous]

. I say Dido's idea of putting extra engines on the 146 is a great idea, and it only cost a few billion. What do you think Rishi, should we do the other 3 airframes?

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1012x566/ikikik_2__1f723b403b0b868e2520b6ef2b95e000416d3eda.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

MEDIC!!!!!

[treadigraph]

I say Captain, are you quite sure you set the altimeter correctly?

[treadigraph]

Boris Island is scaled back a bit - to a roundabout on the A13 in Thurrock...

[treadigraph]

Is it still panto season? All together...

[cynicalint]

No PM, that's the left wing you've attached to, your new voters expect you to recognise this side!

[Ascend Charlie]

(Pilot peering over glareshield):
"If I turn on the radar and sterilise Boris, will that stop him producing any more kids?"

[Kiltrash]

Pilot peering over windscreen

Why are 3 cyclists up here in the clouds?
or
To close for missiles, switching to Bums.

[Kiltrash]

Having seen the success of ' Boris Bikes' while he was Mayor of London. Rolls them out to the RAF as a cheap and sustainable Crew Transport.
"There Rishi saved you £50 "

[Wensleydale]

More Government Spin?

[treadigraph]

Boris: "Are you sure this is sustainable energy? I'm whacked!"

[cattletruck]

Straight back into service genny 3 drops out.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

ummm....was he though?
Sorry Buster, that one did go through to the keeper. I do remember thinking that the F Troop reference was a blast from the past, but missed who you were referring to.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

After a minute, Boris carefully lifted his right hand from the handle bar......"Yes!" he shouted. "Look at me! I'm riding with no hands!!"

[MPN11]

Boris: "Rishi ... look where you're going!!"
Rishi: [to himself] "Number Ten."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Pilot peering over glare shield:
If they are the "follow me's" I know which one I'll be following, and I'll be happy to follow it all day.

[Chu Chu]

BAE asks HMG for help peddling its products.

[Kiltrash]

Regardless of how confident he felt, Boris was the last in his class to get the stabiliser taken off by his dad.

[Kiltrash]

The AAIB later reported that while trying to land at London City the Pilot sneezed and veared left towards the Olympic Park. Why the Velodrome was full of exercise bikes was not revealed.

[treadigraph]

Ok, we're back at Northolt... which way is Downing Street?

[Longhitter]

Lads! There's no saddle on mine...

[metalboi69]

How to pet a dog

[Kiltrash]

After barely 5 minutes the Prime Minister found out why the Tour de France riders used steak under their shorts.

[Kiltrash]

Obviously photoshopped? When ever was it that sunny in West London

[Buster Hyman]

Sorry Buster, that one did go through to the keeper. I
do remember thinking that the F Troop reference was a blast from the past, but missed who you were referring to.
:p All good TIEW, just for fun.

[Buster Hyman]

Boris, not to be outdone by the Indo Pacific, declares his Trio to defend the Channel and Irish Sea.

[Buster Hyman]

Sadly, one of them couldn’t find the cameras for the photo op...

[622]

Ground Engineer "Do we need all 3 of them?"

OC Eng "Yes, for the ground electrics, but luckily this aircraft uses a hot air starter...so just 1 medium sized MP and a length of pipe for that!"

[Chu Chu]

Members of the government demonstrate their climate commitment by forgoing ground transportation when they fly overseas to exercise.

[NutLoose]

Portly, no longer cost effective, ageing and surplus to requirements, but enough of the PM, let's talk about the Bae146.

[NutLoose]

That's five less, scratch Fegie and Andrew, Harry, Meghan and what's his name... you know the baby.. ohh well, anyway, we don't need so many Royal aircraft now, so we're scrapping the 146.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1012x566/ikikik_2_1f723b403b0b868e2520b6ef2b95e000416d3eda_5ec1af9412 e4dfa5287f7aa306f5a6f3e6edf543.jpg

[NutLoose]

There look, no hairs on my palms, so no matter what the Daily Express has said, i'm not a w*nker.

[Kiltrash]

The Prime Minister was caught daydreaming when the Ice Cream Van with only 2 Magnums left entered the apron.

[Kiltrash]

Over Rishi's right shoulder the Pilots prepare to climb the steps into the RAF's new Stealrh fighter.

[Kiltrash]

The Aircraft suffered a Bird Strike when the brakes were unexpectedly released.

[Kiltrash]

In the cockpit Flying Officer Starmer demanded a quick start and immediate full power on all 6 engines, especially the little ones.

[treadigraph]

I say! You there! I always dress the part, bring me some bicycle clips...

[treadigraph]

Boris: Why do I always get a puncture?

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to get to the top quicker, Mr Johnson calls for 5 cans of Caffeine Energy Drink. .(you know the one that gives you Wiings)

[Buster Hyman]

Bicycle lanes now added to Airport taxiways. Pilots furious!

[treadigraph]

If you think this looks funny, Jacob Rees Mogg will be along shortly with his penny-farthing exercise bike...

[Kiltrash]

Reporter....Mr Johnson when did you first realise you had Diarrhoea?. When I took off my bicycle clips. Boom boom

[Kiltrash]

Reporter....Any one know what a Perineal abcess is?
Pm. ....We are not here to talk about Dominic Cummins
Rishi and the Trainer quietly smirk ....as it does not affect fit people.

[Kiltrash]

Back to the OP's question it's in Holland and because they smoke Waccy Baccy, this makes perfect sense. ..

[Kiltrash]

The results are in for the first Government Cycling challenge

Fit Bird, control Sample 45 miles
Rishi fit Chancellor 35 miles
Boris un fit PM 199 miles

Investigators suspect outside assistance for Mr Johnson.

In other news a Bae 146 Pilot mysteriouly is awarded a CBE