Caption Competition Mk III

[Hydromet]

The contractors building the concrete runway skimped a bit on the cement...and water.

[NutLoose]

You try eating tinned peaches for a month and you’d be walking the walk..

[fitliker]

I often wonder where people end up after I give them directions

[fitliker]

They must have bought my old LORAN fly buddy .

[NutLoose]

The take off run was huge. i told them not to fit square wheels.

[Kiltrash]

Dammit, Pay to Park App. ...don't take Cash or Cards ..

[Kiltrash]

The Pony Express ( 1960) always gets through.....
Here's your delivery

[treadigraph]

I'm Boxcar Willie and while I'd normally keep on rollin' down the line, unfortunately the whole shebang has come off the rails....

[Kiltrash]

Told them at the gas station I was short of fuel, and not just ' topping up ' but would they believe me??

[Kiltrash]

Well think that proves the fuel gauge was wonky

[Kiltrash]

Busters suggestion to use a " longer dip stick " was not helpfull either, mumbled Nutty

[Kiltrash]

See what happens then they fill her up with Avgas not Avtur...

[NutLoose]

Exclaimed Kiltrash not realising it was piston powered.

[NutLoose]

Bloody E10 fuel, it’ll run on it they said….bloody Government…….

[NutLoose]

Ohhh ****, this is really bad, i just don’t know how I’ll get out of here, I forgot to pack my sand wedge.

[NutLoose]

Damn, There’s never a bloody truckie available when you need to move some freight.

[MPN11]

"I have drawn a line in the sand ... unfortunately."

[NutLoose]

Forced down in France miles from anywhere but here comes customs.

[NutLoose]

Damn, I forgot to pack my basketball called Wilson

[cattletruck]

Copilot: "This looks like a suitable place to land" he said, "I'll only be a couple of minutes" he said, "need to find a tree" he said, that was three weeks ago.

[fitliker]

Working in the sandbox is great if you like walking in sand , chewing sand , and drinking sand .


Guess which bucket just got filled up on the first flight , if you guessed not the money bucket you might be right .

[Kiltrash]

4* , What? Fuel or General

[Kiltrash]

Electric powered aircraft in the Sahara, what could possibly go wrong .... take off @ 21.00 on orders

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption but last Sunday I was on South Beach at Weston Super Mare and for those who do not know this is a wide flat sandy beach and they allow parking on the beach, with notices to remove your vehicle by ( time ) of the next high tide.
This was well for us and we were away 30 min before said high tide. Driving along the front became aware they were clearing up a beach function which involved a Articulated lorry on the sand ( no plates down to spread the load ) that was in the process of digging itself in....
There was a large tow truck manfully trying to pull said lorry out the sand but truck was just being pulled back itself....Oh how we felt sorry for the driver as the tide approached. Unfortunately could not stay and see the result as we still had some 70 miles to cover to our camp site for the night...

[Chu Chu]

I had everything lined up perfectly, but then, after it was too late to go around, a rouge dune formed.

[Chu Chu]

I don't know what went wrong. They said they get Caravans in here all the time.

[Kiltrash]

On Weymouth beach the Sand Sculpturist set off to see who stuck a plane on his latest creation...

[Kiltrash]

On Weymouth Beach the 101st Boy Scout Brigade were tasked with moving the sand from over there to over here....Unfortunately that area was the location for the Crazy Golf Course.

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x527/image_fdf47fa799b6cfe0ee29f5475bd7b110bde4df20.jpeg

No you go and say to him " Have a nice Day "
or
Nope, that's not mine you have uncovered. Mine was a Spitfire

[Kiltrash]

Look what the dog dug up

[Kiltrash]

Lord Brocket's insurance scam is finally uncovered.

[cynicalint]

Wait a minute!. You say you thought square blocks instead of wide skis for the undercarriage would work better on sand?

[NutLoose]

Well judging by the tracks they are attempting to walk out of the desert as a group, I think I’ve found the Navs route.

[Wensleydale]

what do you mean by 'we don't have any pine poles or a length of rope'?

[cavuman1]

I'd walk a mile for a Camel.

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

It's a little-known fact that the Davis-Monthan boneyard was founded by accident.

[Ascend Charlie]

Unable to find any chewing gum or used coffee cups, MacGyver gives up trying to make it fly.

[treadigraph]

I love it when a plan comes together!

[Kiltrash]

At Donna Nook the metal detector searchers thought they had struck Gold... no mate that's ' fools gold '

[Kiltrash]

...and that's why you do not take off from a contaminated runway in Las Palma. ..next I will demonstrate landing high and fast on a Nimitz Class...

[Dan Gerous]

Had a good laugh at the entries for this, both topical and references to the film.

3rd place goes to Treadigraph with the topical "Isn't there anywhere around here selling petrol?"

2nd place goes to Kiltrash with the deleted scene "Tell the tribesman we're sorry about his tent, but can we use his toilet ?"

1st place goes to MPN11 with the career ending "“Come back here Hoskins, you bastard …”

With no drivers or petrol, I may have to turn to the Scouts Xmas postal service to get the trophy to you MPN11.

[Kiltrash]

Boy that's one 'ell of a runway overrun at Kathmandu. ..

[MPN11]

Whaaat? Me again? Well, thank you, Sir - much appreciated!

From my archives ...


https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x960/0606_usa_014a_9ec980298c3be2f5b981dcc274894c2a36cfa560.jpg

[andytug]

"So....Chapter 3.....Recoil and its Effects.....oh."

[treadigraph]

Is there anything we've forgotten?

Put our fingers in our ears?

Oh yes! That's it....

[Ninthace]

Can you hear something fizzing?
Pardon?

[Kiltrash]

Little boy...Look mummy that man's the school dunce...

[Hydromet]

"Don't take offence, Hoskins, but perhaps a little more elevation."

[Kiltrash]

Meanwhile on the French -Swiss border, the Americans finally enter the 1916-1918 war

[Kiltrash]

Up a bit, left a bit, right a bit, bit more.... Berni the Bolt. ...Fire

[Kiltrash]

Gonna make a he'll of a mess with the Generals Picket Fence. ...but orders are orders....FIRE

[Kiltrash]

You forgot the Matches? ? Cor lov a duck... find me 2 boy scouts to rub together, ...Mr Saville ...

[Kiltrash]

Don't tap your pipe put on tha. ....

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Look, I know you don't like it, but it's how reenactments have to be done under the new WHS rules. So stop sulking and take this goddam lanyard, and when I say fire, pull it and shout bang as loud as you can.

[Ninthace]

The general thinks I am indispensable, he said there was no one else of my calibre in the outfit

[Ninthace]

Go on, pull my finger, I dares yer!

[Wensleydale]

"Cannon firing, cannon firing, cannon stops. Check for canister in the barrel................................................."

[Wensleydale]

"I have no cannon balls, gunpowder, or spent matches in my possession".

[treadigraph]

You want to be a human cannon ball, right? Son, we can get you down the barrel, just not all in one piece...

[treadigraph]

Maddox and Son, Inc. Civil War re-enactments and gopher termination services for the Amish folk.

[Chu Chu]

Luckily, the mime identification of cannon parts was interrupted before it reached "ramrod."

[622]

"Oi sunny, is this your satchel on here?"

[622]

Gunner to school boy "No, the D on my hat isn't for Dunce!"

[NutLoose]

So you've been medically downgraded huh.
How did you know?
They've stamped U/S on your belt buckle.

[NutLoose]

I see you've been polishing the knob again.

[Chu Chu]

"Why are are you pointing the cannon at the fence?"

"Haven't you heard of Pickett's Charge?"

[MPN11]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x960/0606_usa_014a_9ec980298c3be2f5b981dcc274894c2a36cfa560.jpg[

[Ninthace]

Is that your ramrod or are you just pleased to close to a large bore?

[Kiltrash]

Man in middle thinks.... ( whens the Ice Cream van comming round.*.)
* substitute your own totally bored comment here. ..

[Kiltrash]

Well at least your wife knows where you are....ever wonder how the Milk gets paid for??

[Kiltrash]

ere sonny, wanna joins the man's Army, see the world and leave all your mates behind...when the President pulls us all out..

[NutLoose]

We learnt from the Afghanistan fiasco, these are the weapons we are now supplyiing our allies with.



...

[NutLoose]

If this fails it’s our self defence weapons…handbags at dawn

[treadigraph]

Your determination to win a coconut is most admirable, Sir!

[cynicalint]

Join us, widen the circle of your friend, and you will never have to leave your mate's behind.

[NutLoose]

When we retire them it’s intended to put one outside each town hall throughout the country, the debate is whether to have them pointing at or away from the buildings.

[NutLoose]

Damn, we can’t load and fire these nuts and bolts as grapeshot, they’re metric.

[Chu Chu]

Despite hours of trying, the pair never worked out how to lock the breech block.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Why do they call you Gunner, mister?"

"Well, I was always gunner do sumfink useful wif me life..."

[NutLoose]

Remember the secret of black powder…

graded grains make finer power.

[Wensleydale]

"No. Definitely a Nikon!"

[Wensleydale]

"Eh Mister! Are you Mr Pachelbel?"

[Kiltrash]

Andrew, after what happened to R Kelly, are you not a tiny weensey bit worried??
Na me Mummy will sort that out. ..

[Kiltrash]

You there men...Stop slouching and prepare to fire. The British are comming, Defend Fort Washington...Put your backs into it...
Why? ...The Covid regulations means they'll never get through JFK....

[Kiltrash]

Sorry sonny, it's taken me years and years to get to this level of training, so no you can't light the match...

[Kiltrash]

You think THIS is smart, you wait till you see the new away kit....wow. .... Desert Grey and Camo Green...

[treadigraph]

"Eh Mister! Are you Mr Pachelbel?"
D minus, could do better... :p:ok:

[treadigraph]

Sarge, do you know the cannon is on my foot?

No but you hum it son and I'll whistle it...

[Kiltrash]

We're in no hurry, 1812 overture we fire in about 6 minutes.. ...Time for a coffee
or
No its a 42 gun salute and we're no 41.

[Kiltrash]

Jamie want Big Boom....

[Chu Chu]

I was sure it would work if I put my finger in the touch hole, and you rubbed your wool uniform against the wooden wheel and then touched my other hand. Maybe the humidity's too high.

[NutLoose]

You call this a two pounder? if you want to see a two pounder go and have a look in trap four.. that's a two pounder if i've ever seen one..

[treadigraph]

We've had a call from a Mr Sugar - he could sure use us on his TV program "The Apprentice"

[Kiltrash]

Left... "What's in the Satchel?"
Right.... "Ammonium Nitrate "
Left... Idlily filing his nails " That's only a Harmless Grey White Powder, Better give it 4 scoops and one for luck.. Wanna give these kids a big flash "

[Kiltrash]

10 seconds later, Adam was heard to say, Anyone seen my eyebrows?

[Kiltrash]

Had a letter from a Mr Treadigraph, please could me move a bit closer to Croydon?

[Kiltrash]

While taking part in the Royal Military Tattoo, Hank says, " better get a move on its 12:58 "

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x960/0606_usa_014a_9ec980298c3be2f5b981dcc274894c2a36cfa560_e7420 3c01fbabb01670e53ee58768aebea70cdb2.jpg

[NutLoose]

Ok that's the fuse in the canonball lit, you now have 5 seconds to run around the front, roll it down the barrel, tamp it down and then fire the canon....
What happems if I do not make it?
I get the wife to wash my uniform and then start training your replacement.

[treadigraph]

Nervous, Corporal?
Yessir!
First time?
No, I've been nervous lots of times...

[MPN11]

NOT A CAPTION …

”It’s a slow-burning fuse.”
”Yeah, getting close to BANG time, I guess?”

[Wensleydale]

"What ammunition are you using?"

"Balls".

Well if you're going to take that attitude...."

[MPN11]

OK, here we go. BTW, it was a re-enactment day at Fort Ward, VA (https://www.alexandriava.gov/FortWard), part of the defences of Washington during their unfortunate internal conflict. To our amazement, the gentleman on the right had been to Jersey twice … yes, the Real Jersey, not Noo Joysey!

Reserve Troops ….
Kiltrash: 5584 … the Covid Defense at the Border (wrong Fort, wrong airport but still good!)
Chu Chu: 5566 … Pickett’s Charge. A bit far from Gettysburg, but I get the idea!

Front Line …
Wensleydale: 5557 AND 5558 … Gun stops, and Declaration.

WINNER
Ninhace: 5556 … Pull my finger

Have a cannon-ball … catch!

[Kiltrash]

Oh sorry all, did not realise captions HAD to have some correct facts in them... Will try harder next time...

[MPN11]

Oh sorry all, did not realise captions HAD to have some correct facts in them... Will try harder next time...
No problem … it was a good call. I just know Fort Ward and IAD too well!

[Ninthace]

I wasn't ready!
See wokka can make of this
https://i.postimg.cc/T3gsq2S8/Capcom.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[treadigraph]

Unleaded and diesel shortages through the winter led to drastic measures...

[Kiltrash]

About to discover just how much lake Ice Melt there is.....Especially when James drives the Aston round the enemy in circles.

[Kiltrash]

Alright flight no 2 and 3 no playing conkers...

[Kiltrash]

Remind me again Captain Hoskins, why you painted the equipment in sand camouflage for use in the high Arctic ?

[treadigraph]

Rule changes for Formula 1 in 2022 were many and varied - and included reintroduction of a very old start procedure...

[Dan Gerous]

Quick, grab the first Hummer! It's the only one with a working heater!

[Dan Gerous]

The Para Military Wing of Santa's little helpers?

[Dan Gerous]

After the explosion, everyone ran to help, but it wasn't looking good for Frosty The Snowman.

[cynicalint]

Oi! you've dropped something!

[cynicalint]

Quick! Grab the ropes! The Humvee isn't heavy enough to stop the earth repelling them!

[Chu Chu]

I told you to check for double yellow lines under the snow.

[NutLoose]

That’ll teach them to keep the parking meters filled.

[NutLoose]

Remember only the TOW armed Humvees, they are parked in a tow away zone.

[cattletruck]

The army found motivation levels improved after placing a mint on the driver's seat.

[Kiltrash]

Snowball fights ends early when there's work to be done

[Kiltrash]

The Chinese/ Taliban / NORKS* (Delete as appropriate ) Army are surprised the Americans Navigation error presents them with 3 working Humvee's

[Kiltrash]

Later it was discovered the keys had been left back as Base, However fortunately each squad did have a Scouser in the crew

[Kiltrash]

Arn't we meant to be dropping them onto Army Trucks Skip. ..
Yes but they are all off delivering Petrol

[Kiltrash]

Having slipped it's knots the inflatable Childs Toys floated free

[treadigraph]

https://i.postimg.cc/T3gsq2S8/Capcom.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[treadigraph]

The new Bond film borrowed very heavily from a previous outing...

[treadigraph]

Bugger! It's a sh!t hook...

[treadigraph]

Wow... lookit all these mole hills!

[Ripton]

Quick, Northampton Services has just been restocked. Any chance you can drop us near the front of the queue?

[treadigraph]

You can hear "Ride of the Valkyries"? I can't hear a f:mad:g think over those Wokkas...

[Wensleydale]

Isn't the Chinook supposed to be a warm dry wind?

[Kiltrash]

Due to fuel shortages, in London the Chelsea Tractors have to cadge a lift to to the school.

[Kiltrash]

Stop shouting CRAAAAK!!!

[Kiltrash]

On Salisbury Plain the local weather person gets it wrong ...again....

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins, .. acute case of Dandruff?? Go see the MO

[Kiltrash]

Having ' Dropped one ' out in the open, the Hazchem clean up squad move in

[Kiltrash]

Later it was discovered the legs sticking out under tbe Hummer was a casually discarded tailors dummy that had been fly tipped ....

[treadigraph]

Parking restrictions throughout Greater London became particularly severe under Mayor Comrade Khan's dictatorship...

[622]

Quick, move that Humvee...the sub is coming up !

[Buster Hyman]

Surely it'd be easier to change the slicks to Inters Lando?

[Buster Hyman]

Idiots! Put it all back! Does this look like Afghanistan to you?

[andytug]

Last one to the Humvee has to sit on the roof!

[treadigraph]

https://i.postimg.cc/T3gsq2S8/Capcom.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

[Kiltrash]

RSM... You, Yes YOU no 2 .. Get in step with no 1 and 3... I wont have runners in my squad not in step....

[treadigraph]

If Heath-Robinson invented the flying car...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Quick, you three, grab that humvee before they get it!
What's happening sarge?
The bloody pikeys got three wokkas first!

[Buster Hyman]

I don't care what the Sarge thinks. Musical Humvee's is a bluddy stupid game!

[Kiltrash]

Why are we running?
Don't want a ugly one...

[Kiltrash]

Well thats one way to beat the " Insulate Britain " protesters on the M25

[Wensleydale]

The competitors in the Bristol Novelty Balloon Contest were disappointed to find that they'd all had the same idea.

[Kiltrash]

PILOT. ...That's it lads, due to fuel shortages that's all Odiham would let us have...
Troopers...But you have dropped us off further from home than we were???

[cliver029]

At last HAAS found a way to get their cars to the front of the grid

[Kiltrash]

The Army Weathermen get in some climatisation training before the London Marathon....Do they know something we don't about this weekend ?

[Kiltrash]

Two minutes later....
Battery's been stolen, know we should not have overnighted at Speke..

[treadigraph]

Well thats one way to beat the " Insulate Britain " protesters on the M25
Message from HQ sir - Met Police have requested that we drop the Humvees on protestors at M25 J7 and J14 and also one on Piers Corbyn. Or his brother...

[NutLoose]

If they weren't so heavy we could bump start them like any other vehicle, the trouble is catching it before it drives itself off.

[NutLoose]

If Calsberg did Ice curling it would be the biggest most impressive ice curling rink in the world.

[Ninthace]

I will call this tonight UK time so we can have a fresh capcom for the w/e. I have a winning caption in mind but nobody has called it yet, keep trying!

Ninthace :ok:

[Chu Chu]

Looks like it's triplets.

[NutLoose]

I have a winning caption in mind but nobody has called it yet, keep trying!

Ninthace

The cheque / check is in the post, is that it?

[NutLoose]

Santa deliveries join the 21 century

[NutLoose]

These Amazon drones are marvellous, order a car and it arrives within 24 hours.

[NutLoose]

Your Uber has arrived.

[treadigraph]

The Glasgow ice cream wars reignite with vendors taking no chances...

[Kiltrash]

Prince Harry sees this and sighs, missing his old life in Afghanistan before it got complicated when he married what's her name...

[NutLoose]

President Ashraf Ghani categorically denies that he drove out of Afghanistan with vehicles loaded full of cash.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x335/capcom_e32ed08292fc24df704c53a67c5656aaa249e32c.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

So...if we can just fly in, why do we need Humvees again?

[MPN11]

A fresh delivery of Crowd-control vehicles arrives to support Greta’s next Skool Stryk.

[Kiltrash]

The Guards Polo team in Windsor get ready to play their traditional rivals, the Army ship in some redundant mounts....

[Kiltrash]

HOSKINS...When the General comes to inspect the troops we ' normally ' paint the grass green. The coals black and the Cocain white...
We did sir...

[Kiltrash]

....and finally in tonight's local news, off the Londonderry shore today the Army helped the Navy retrieve some floating military hardware.

[Ninthace]

Tonight's runners up ...........
#5632 Wensleydale: "Isn't the Chinook supposed to be a warm dry wind?"
#5664, Nutloose: "Your Uber has arrived."

And the winner is ...............
#5653 Cliver029 "At last HAAS found a way to get their cars to the front of the grid"

The CST is coming underslung in a 120kt freezing downwash to keep it fresh. Congratulations

My entry would have been "You spend all night sitting in a freezing slit trench waiting for transport when don't you know it, three come at once!"

[Kiltrash]

Well done Cliver. .. meanwhile caption waiting for picture....
Insulate Britain Protesters regretted blocking the Hanger Straight as Max and Lewis approached

[Ninthace]

I sent a PM when I posted the winner. Suggest you give him/her a chance to reply. If nothing posted by say 1800A, then one of the runners up can fight for the honour.

[NutLoose]

If that becomes the case I will let Wensleydale have the honour, as he needs the practice ;)

[ORAC]

RAF called in to take army home when they run of petrol - MOD insist there is no “crisis”….

[MPN11]

hahahaha ... late but good!

[Wensleydale]

Hmmm. A couple of obvious captions here - lets have something else!

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x540/waterloo_7b737a1ba4039d40691e0f09570a0bca4274ad4d.jpg

[Kiltrash]

I'd like to see Extinction Rebellion try and stuff us up getting to work...

[treadigraph]

Tubeway Army looking for a new man...



(Sorry Gary!)

[Kiltrash]

It's the Northern line....Nothing unusual here

[treadigraph]

Sticking with music...

If Abba come looking for us, tell them we got off at Warren Street...

[Kiltrash]

The Willy Wonka Extras head to Paramount

[Kiltrash]

IF you lean past the yellow line, You might lose your head.

[treadigraph]

and (dredging for it)...

I don't want to see any captions including the words "yellow" and/or "submarine"...

[Kiltrash]

Team Europe fans head for the Ryder Cup.

[treadigraph]

How do we get to Cannon Street?

[Kiltrash]

Allright, Who forgot the 2 pounder

[cynicalint]

(Hmmm. A couple of obvious captions here)OK. I'll bite...
"Are you sure this is the right Waterloo?"

[cynicalint]

Who brought the white Rabbit half-way down the platform?

[Kiltrash]

Can we get the Eurostar from here, Pierre?

[treadigraph]

Where are the British?

Still stuck at the barrier. Arguing about a child's fare, seems their Admiral claimed he was just a half Nelson...

(Yeah, I know...)

[Kiltrash]

Man back to camera..
What does it say on the mural??
Killjoy was here
or
Banksy was here
or
Don't step back....

[Kiltrash]

Dammit, now goes from St Pancras International....

[Kiltrash]

Train had better hurry up, before Nutty and Buster get here.

[cliver029]

Sorry fellers, spent the day in an nhs facility nearby being prodded and poked and just
logged onto see how things were going, my apologies for messing you about.

Clive R

[Kiltrash]

Is this the way to Ammerillo? ?

[Ascend Charlie]

"This is the train to the Silly Walks Convention, not the Silly Hats!"

[Chu Chu]

A special train for Atkins.

[Chu Chu]

How long have we been waiting?

Dunno. My calendar only went through 1815.

[Chu Chu]

Still no sign of our supply train.

[NutLoose]

Sorry fellers, spent the day in an nhs facility nearby being prodded and poked and just
logged onto see how things were going, my apologies for messing you about.

Clive R

Not a problem, in your own time find and pop up an image, hope you are ok btw.

[Hydromet]

Is this the last train to Boston (https://www.lyrics.com/lyrics/last%20train)?

[Buster Hyman]

The French decide to show AUKUS their mettle...as soon as they figure out which Metro line goes to CDG.

[Buster Hyman]

No, I said 'Embankment'...not re-enactment!

[NutLoose]

The French were disappointed their submarine was not chosen after they had successfully developed the underwater white flag hoisting system that was also deployable with the periscope.

[Buster Hyman]

Being as sensitive as they are, and losing the Sub contract, France cancels their Rail Gun demonstration.

[Buster Hyman]

The army decided that the Russian campaign was too long & too cold, so they're going home.

[treadigraph]

The hell with "Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité", I'm going to grab a taxi...

[treadigraph]

Oh boys, are we in trouble. Seems we are not sufficiently diverse to meet with current Employment legislation.

[treadigraph]

What time is kick off?

9am... we should just make it, you know how long the national anthems take...

Pity we are not fighting the Eyties... Il Canto degli Italiani takes forever...

[treadigraph]

Oh God... I can just hear the Generalissimo now: "You missed the battle because of a tube strike?"

Yes, mon Capitan, he does do mock incredulity terribly well....

[Kiltrash]

Normally on a Stag Night you dress for comfort and ease of toilet relief. Not for ' Look at me' factor

[Kiltrash]

Is this the " Monington Crescent ' Tour

[Kiltrash]

French Rugby Fans on their way to Twickenham regret allowing Pierre Hoskins to arrange the transport. When they discover it was a " home " game

[ORAC]

Bloody Napoleon - meet you at Waterloo he said - so where the hell is he?

[treadigraph]

We are ze Free French. We are looking for zer Nigel Farage and hoping he will make zer new anti-EU telly programme with us: Nige'll Frexit For Free...

[Ninthace]

New Covid regulations for the use of public transport require distancing in time and space.

[Kiltrash]

British Anti Covid Police demand 1plus meter separation....why not 1 plus YARD..??

[Kiltrash]

Don't think this is " Stay Local " said the seconded Derbyshire Police

[Kiltrash]

London Marathon charity Organisers
. .. ..Very good turn out lads but in the Fancy Dress Section , normally you turn up in different costumes ...

[Kiltrash]

With the announcement of British Rails new train starting the " enthusiasts " all want to pile on the first service....However don't want to be recognised as the saddos they really are...

[Kiltrash]

Tannoy...
...We regret to announce that due to a lighting failure on Platform 2 we are having to close the station...Your safety is our first priority. Please leave in a orderly fashion...

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x540/waterloo_7b737a1ba4039d40691e0f09570a0bca4274ad4d.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Owing to a flood in the dressing room (s) the Moulin Rouge Cast have to make their way home in costume..

[622]

“Sarge, I know Southern Rail are known for delays…..but 206 years is taking the p*ss”

[Dan Gerous]

Spot the SF guys.

[treadigraph]

Salaud! We 'ave been spotted! Didn't I say we should come disguis-ed as onion sellairs...?

[Chu Chu]

Alright, who reported the frogs on the railway?

[Chu Chu]

Bogies! Nine o'clock low.

[Chu Chu]

Sir, I just reread the orders. Apparently we're supposed to return on the 1825.

[treadigraph]

Why did that Cockney imbecile call us Wombles? Is that some form of British insult?

[Chu Chu]

Driving petrol trucks was one thing. But do we look like a guards regiment?

[Chu Chu]

Beware of Corunna? I think the transport came quicker there.

[Kiltrash]

Sarge, the sign says " Mind the Gap " does that mean we have to hop it?

[Kiltrash]

As James Bond chases the baddie through London Underground, the extras pretend not to notice...

[Kiltrash]

The white bandages round my body? Well it is a very dangerous occupation I'm in.... BBC Political Interviewer...

[Kiltrash]

Well in this training course you will see how to maximise the fill in each carriage...
Yes but why do we need bayonets ? ?
They don't like it up em..

[Dan Gerous]

This will be the most orderly boarding of an underground train in rush hour ever.

[MPN11]

“Prenez garde le gap, messieurs.”

[Chu Chu]

The Army shows off its newest platform.

[NutLoose]

Merde, no need to acclimatise, le submarine contract has been cancelled.

[NutLoose]

French invasion forces assemble at Le Chunnel.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Anybody seen Jean Valjean? He's got the tickets..."

[Kiltrash]

....and at the next station along, the British Brexit forces gather to repel invaders...

[Kiltrash]

The British PM gets round Brexit by welcoming French Army to train with the British Army. Just so happens the Territorial Army are all HGV drivers and the training is on Tank(er)s

[andytug]

"Sacre Bleu! The Prussians are at King's Cross!"

[andytug]

Wellington (for it is he) "MORNINGTON CRESCENT!"

[Chu Chu]

Typical. Order us to form a square on the Circle line.