Caption Competition Mk III

[Chu Chu]

Sheep Air. We may be the national carrier of a semi-autonomous region, but we promise you won't get fleeced.

[Kiltrash]

Call the Cops, i've been fleeced
Can you wait a bit, they are in Dunking Donuts, will be over once the Skinny, white, cappuccino Latte with heart motif is ready
But a crimes being committed here
Have you seen the price the Coffee Shop charges? ...that's a real crime.

[Kiltrash]

Ryanair mass Customer Service Department Training, give them a headset and repeat after me
" Your call is important to us, please hold..."
That's all ewe need to know

[Kiltrash]

Alarm...Flockers at 12 o'clock high.

[Kiltrash]

Due to an unseasonable cold spell we need to go to Primaaaark and buy up all their Sheep skin coats.
What a waste of time mused the Shearers.

[Kiltrash]

Brian Hanrahan voice

I counted them all out and counted them back ....and fell asleep 4 times

Ps did not twig the significance of 1st May when posted above. But thanks Mogwi

[NutLoose]

Early biofuel trials were going well, however burning so many sheep was throwing up problems not previously forseen.



..
.

[Kiltrash]

Later when discovering the Ewe's were pregnant it was realised that Hoskins had used Fawn coloured dye.

[Kiltrash]

Beats flying Rubber Dog Sh1t out of Hong Kong

[Kiltrash]

Why could ops not find us a nice return cargo like, I dunno, the Kardashians. Still saves reprofiling the cabin

[Chu Chu]

I should have listened when my mother said you'd never be able to afford cattle class.

[Chu Chu]

Who do I have to butt heads with to get a seat upgrade?

[Chu Chu]

Boeing's new ram jet.

[Dan Gerous]

Barry, before we go, remind me to clean those steps they look a bit slippy. Hope POTUS doesn't mind us borrowing his steps.

[cavuman1]

Hannibal Lecter waited patiently in the cockpit. Those cowboys' livers were going to go well with fava beans.

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Ethel, there go the BA Air hostesses up the steps... mutton dressed as lamb....

[Buster Hyman]

I haven't heard this much bleating since my last trip to Oz on Britannia Airways!

[Buster Hyman]

Sheep singing: "We're all going to the European Super League..."
Cowboy thinking: "Supper you idiots."

[Ascend Charlie]

Pink shirt one: "I think these sheep like the Beach Boys!"
Pink 2: "Why's that?"
Pink 1: "Coz they are singing "Baa baa baaaaa..baa Baarbara Ann!"

[Kiltrash]

Like to see Fabreeze mask these odours......said Dolly

[Kiltrash]

In the old days we used choppers to round them up

[Kiltrash]

Obviously photoshopped, I mean why on earth would sheep need windows,.... with their short legs...

[treadigraph]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1439x928/image_87f6661826c9576bcd607c1c61f6c63c7808da37.jpeg

Dolly: I'm so glad they have eased foot and mouth vaccines now, so we can go on holiday.

Flossy: Yes and we'll be in Cairo just in time for the Eide feasts - and I'm so looking forward to seeing the Pyramids.

[Kiltrash]

Ryanair are pleased to celebrate the first post Covid flight of English Fans.
Buy why a aircraft that normally transports livestock?
Well you would not want us to sully use one of our brand new B737 max ...

[cattletruck]

Shagpile high club.

[Kiltrash]

Wong to Hong...Yes I know 40000 sheep from China to the UK is not usual but business is business

3 days later the feedback came in
Dear Sir thank you for the 40000 sheep, however lost in translation perhaps was the word ' inflatable ' you know Stag Parties...for the use off

However i will hold onto Dolly, after my last romantic experiences this can only be a benefit
yours
Andrew York
​​​​​

[Dan Gerous]

I told you we should have had allocated seating. Now they all want a window seat.

[j4leaphill]

This wouldnt have happened when BAA ran the airports.

[treadigraph]

This wouldnt have happened when BAA ran the airports.

You know, I think you are absolutely right... :p

[treadigraph]

God I hate it when Mr Creosote flies with us - he always wants his dinner made with the freshest meat possible...

[treadigraph]

Anyone famous listed on our passenger manifest today?

Ah, let's see, Chris Ewebank, Bernard Woolley, Sean Connery, Ewen McGregor, Allan Lamb, Moira Shearer, Clarrie Tupper, Gordon Ramsay, Alan Shepard...

[Kiltrash]

The gate staff were not expecting such a stampede when boarding was called.

[Kiltrash]

Gate staff gave up checking passports, they all look alike

[Kiltrash]

The gate staff hurriedly changed the in flight meal and removed the Hot Pot.

[Buster Hyman]

We certainly lucked out here Dolly. No more of those God awful ships to the Middle East! We’re going in style! Things are looking up I’d say....

[Kiltrash]

After the stampede at Old Trafford, Police looking for the ringleaders start at the back.
Why?
Well in the Army that's where the Generals 'hide '

[Kiltrash]

Post Covid it is announced McDonalds are opening for sit down.

[Out Of Trim]

Oi! Stop! 🙅‍♂️ Ewe in the pink shirt… Baarry the Captain's 👨🏼‍✈️looking a bit sheepish. 🐑

He's a bit concerned about the weight & balance ⚖️ 🤔 Ewe we’re supposed to load the mint source in the forward hold before boarding the SLS. He means Self Loading Sheep of course….

Ewe had better go and see him, otherwise he said he’s going to Ram 🐏 Ewe 🐑 with his kebab! 🍢. 😳. 🤣🤣

[Wensleydale]

Time to close this down for the Bank Holiday rush...

the winner is "Chu Chu" with:

Boeing's new ram jet.

..and there's mutton wrong with that!

Well done chap. The CST is on its way with a new pair of Wellies.

[treadigraph]

I think this result calls for a st-ewe-ards enquiry! :}

Well deserved chu chu!

[NutLoose]

It appears we have been chopped from the results Treddy. We’ll cutlet our losses, loin from this and move on.

[Chu Chu]

Wow, thank you Wensleydale!

I'll give this one a spin -- hope it hasn't been used before:

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/925x667/a_quem_serve_o_progresso1_5d94f31268db97780eca042c32f6223a73 91579e.jpg

[Beamr]

Our technicians truly are a bunch of propeller heads.

[MPN11]

Early Covid PPE trials before anyone at TWA knew why they were doing it.

[Buster Hyman]

Oh God, more bluddy Sontarans. Go get Dr. Who Frank.

[Buster Hyman]

You had to get creative in order to sell washing machines back in the 50's!

[MPN11]

Hank Hoskins, at #5, was out of step as usual.

[Buster Hyman]

For some reason, 'The Cockheads' didn't get to finish their USO tour.

[Buster Hyman]

Eight of the USAF's bravest prepare to test the DC-3 in the Barrel Roll maneuver.

[treadigraph]

They may have oil-stained hands and greasy overalls but TWA's mechanics ALWAYS sport an immaculate coiffure...

[treadigraph]

The Kansas City Spinners go three better than their namesakes from Detroit...

[Buster Hyman]

No one could figure out why stores kept running out of Spinners for the Dakotas.

[Kiltrash]

TWA flight 666 lands in Area 51.

[Wensleydale]

The first candidates transfer to the "Professional Airscrew Spine"

[Kiltrash]

The Little-Snoring -on -sea deep sea diving synchronised swimming team get in some on land practice

[Wensleydale]

The Douglas Factory Choir attempts to be Pitch Perfect.

[Kiltrash]

Having heard of a submerged aircraft just off their town the snorkeling club go to visit. However due to a error in tide calculations managed to just walk out to her.

[Wensleydale]

Number Four is glad that the paint shop did not add an extra "T".

[Kiltrash]

H G Wells first draft of the front cover of his latest novel causes panic.

[Kiltrash]

Anyone see a B-52 round here?

[Kiltrash]

Once they threw open the Masters golf to rank amateur's the caddies are given additional protection.

[Kiltrash]

The Miss Deep South USA beauty contest goes ahead. And the winner is the V8

[Kiltrash]

During a break in filming at Dunsfold, the Stig brings out 7 additional decoys while he/ they go for lunch.

[cavuman1]

Metalheads on their way to Motörhead concert.

- Metal Ed

[NutLoose]

No..no.... that’s not how you wear a chastity belt.

[NutLoose]

These go anywhere hairdryers will never catch on.

[Wensleydale]

The Americans failed to understand the concept of a "Bring a Boss night".

[treadigraph]

A TWA mechanic was the first to spot the potential for a man carrying drone way back in 1935 - he just needed somebody to invent the rotor blade.

[ShyTorque]

“Hey chaps, anyone know why it says TWA on this side but TS on the other?”

[Kiltrash]

Go Go Inspector Gadget

[Kiltrash]

No we put them under the F-14 wings and call them Phoenix.

[Kiltrash]

Special Delivery of bras for Madonna Concerts

[Out Of Trim]

See, health and safety went mad 😡 much earlier than we thought ​​​​​!

[Kiltrash]

The G8 Defence ministers meet at last post Covid, however some restrictions still exist

[FlyingRoland]

Don't want to post anything off-topic...

[Dan Gerous]

I think this new Dalek helmet technology is great. Davros do you fancy having a go at putting it on an armoured, autonomous chassis and see how that works out.

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/925x667/a_quem_serve_o_progresso1_5d94f31268db97780eca042c32f6223a73 91579e.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

I know we're in the navy, but do aircrew really need to wear a helmet for diving?

[Dan Gerous]

We're the Airforce, we don't parade in Bearskin hats.

[Kiltrash]

The Miss Piston Heads beauty contest

[Kiltrash]

These all over condoms still need a little work

[Kiltrash]

After landing in 2021 The passengers disembarked having gone through a timewarp wormhole with little residual effects.

[NutLoose]

Early Daleks could climb stairs.

[Ascend Charlie]

Hoskins, last in line of course, heard the command "Forward march!" but thought it was "Fourth of March", which made him wonder, as it was the fourth of May, so he stood still.

[Buster Hyman]

The TWA800 Conspiracy Theorists Meeting commences with the walk past.

[Buster Hyman]

I wish I hadn't volunteered to fly the NB36-H now....

[NutLoose]

Hey guys, we could use bacofoil instead, that’ll stop those alien mind probes

[NutLoose]

And I thought the AR5 was bad.

[cavuman1]

You heard the one about a woman who's a two bagger? She's so ugly, you both wear a bag over your head in case hers falls off. Here is living proof that TWA's first flight attendants were so ugly that....

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Damm beaten to the May the Forth quip by those rotten Aussies, said the Darth Vader Appreciation Society.

[Kiltrash]

Men In White protect the Earth from Alien Invaders.
However infiltrators are suspected.

[Kiltrash]

Line of Duty Season 17, ...and FINALLY ' H' is about to be revealed

[Kiltrash]

Owing to a wet Bank Holiday the British adopt the Personnal Shower Protection device at the Airshow.

[Kiltrash]

Local Paper Headline
Mr Hoskins (56) a Pilot ( in his dreams ) was assaulted by a Dalek. Police set up a identity parade

[Kiltrash]

The Dalek Recreation Society of Las Vagas, ( where else) are dissapointed the broom handle and sink plunger delivery was held up in Egypt

[Kiltrash]

Isnt this picture meant to be in the Rotorhead section?

[Kiltrash]

What do you mean your going to strap flame throwers to our arms and legs?...

[Kiltrash]

Space X Crew 4 head out to the launch pad, however in the 1930's not much was understood about high altitude pressure or vacuum of space. But HG Wells managed it in the 1890's

[cattletruck]

Shamelessly parading their one-eyed monsters.

[Beamr]

After an emergency landing on Groom Lake the passengers were greeted by a dancing group from close by secret testing facility that does not exist.

[NutLoose]

You didn't really think the RAF had anything more than the MK 1 eyeball in those fancy radomes did you?..

[NutLoose]

You're taking a cavalier attitude referring to us as roundheads.

[Wensleydale]

The early days of the RAF Display Team:

"Not a good idea, Brian. Perhaps we need to go ahead with the red flying suits after all".

[Beamr]

When the Skyfalls, we'll be ready.

[Kiltrash]

Hollywood's first attempt at Space Baddies do not look evil enough
Robbie the Robot
K9
Dalek
Borg
Ming the Merciless
Hal9000
General Zod
Hoskins

However they are all aerodynamic.

[Beamr]

With capt Clarkson constantly screaming "Faster!" "Higher!" the flt engineers became very worried of the coffin corner and decided to make protective actions.

[fitliker]

Twaddledum, twiddledee and the twadelletes demonstrate the new and yet to be approved Mark two portable sim-training devices that can simulate IMC , night training without interfering with the ball room dancing schedule. Unfortunately the devices were so effective at realistic simulation of flight that the use of the sim hoods had to be cancelled when the helmets filled with vomit during the cha cha . The helmets might have been more successful if they had not tried to engage in sniffle wiggle dances with the hosties .
All was not lost as the technology was evolved and improved for the newer Mark 21 and a half fighter helmets and remote drone operator helmets ,but sadly no computer has been able to get the pilots to dance in fusion synchronicity while shooting low approaches or delivering ordnance.

[fitliker]

Early prototype multitask training device . Teaches Newbies how to walk and chew gum without falling over .

[Dan Gerous]

"May the fourth be with you", as the R2D2 fan club flies in for the Star Wars Convention.

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/925x667/a_quem_serve_o_progresso1_5d94f31268db97780eca042c32f6223a73 91579e.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Mr and Mrs Coneheads take their 6 children on their first transcontinental flight. Well if you discount the 6.4 light years from Andromeda

[Kiltrash]

The Area 51 Special Offence team take to the field.

[Kiltrash]

The FSB report they are still attempting to reduce tbe size of the pellet to fit the Bulgarian Umbrella. But should be achievable for Markov's trip to London.

[c52]

It's not often that a hatter makes the inches-for-centimetres error.

[c52]

"I've got this great idea for a TV game involving giant red balls. I'll call it Total Wipeout."

[c52]

No, they can't see where they're going, but it does keep the setting sun out of their eyes."

[Frostchamber]

They'd finally cracked it, and those who'd rubbished the F35 helmet mounted display would soon be eating their words

[Buster Hyman]

Just out of shot, a gang of furious Hairdressers demand their hair dryers back.

[fitliker]

The glory days of aviation ;)

[Hydromet]

They're helping Artie Beetson look for the prop that hit Jack Newton.

(For those unfamiliar, Jack Newton was a pro golfer who walked into an aircraft propellor and lost an arm. Artie Beetson was a Rugby League coach. Prop forward is a defensive position in Rugby League.)

[Ascend Charlie]

(Not a caption)
Jack Newton was a pro golfer who walked into an aircraft propellor and lost an arm.

Actually, he also lost an eye and a lot of intestines, which led to a couple of sick jokes:
Q: What force does it take to stop an aeroplane propellor?
A(1) One Newton
A(2) A strong arm, a good eye, and a lot of guts.

[c52]

Advertising Executive: "I'm delighted to present you new campaign for contraceptives!"

Customer: "But they've got holes in!"

[NutLoose]

Pearls before swine........ "If you can't beat them, join them" said Arfur Scroggins Line Swine, "we're just worried in case someone tries to string us".

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/925x667/a_quem_serve_o_progresso1_5d94f31268db97780eca042c32f6223a73 91579e_b82858e7576908a8ee4b7ebd0f98de0b1ee4395c.jpg

[Kiltrash]

At LAX local residents under the flightpath soon develop PPE in case of sudden ' Toilet Discharge '

[Kiltrash]

On Brighton Seafront Local residents develop PPE so they can eat their chips safe from Seagull attack

[Kiltrash]

In a blind test of eight in flight catering meals the winner with 75% was Nothing at All, Followed on 24.9% by the Cardboard box

[622]

Stig had a lot of explaining to do to Mrs Stig when this photo was seen!

[Chu Chu]

I'll call this one tonight, before judging gets too much harder. Around midnight in the UK.

[NutLoose]

With the withdrawl of the Sea KIng, the RAF put the radomes up for disposal.

[NutLoose]

Kodak launch their instapratic, a head worn camera system.

[622]

How can you tell they all play rugby? .......it's easy, because they are all prop forwards!!

[c52]

Repairs underway after the Do-X taxies into a bridge over a river.

[cavuman1]

The human xylophone is played with blows from a 10-lb. sledgehammer.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Earlier Camera Obscura.

( as featured in the Royal Mile Edinburgh )

or

Early Google Streetview Camera

[Kiltrash]

Asylum seekers divers helmet for walking across the English channel to thwart the Border Force boats

[Kiltrash]

....and Finally.

De Havilland inspiration for the Comet Windows

[Dan Gerous]

Not so smart bombs.

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/925x667/a_quem_serve_o_progresso1_5d94f31268db97780eca042c32f6223a73 91579e_b82858e7576908a8ee4b7ebd0f98de0b1ee4395c.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/925x667/twats_0c5cb4c8f14c94693a40f0a69c767ff25b758183.jpg

[ShyTorque]

Take us to your leader.......hang on chaps, it’s still Boris - back to the time machine, pronto!

[treadigraph]

An early treatment and screen test for The Wombles showed that kids might prefer something more animal-ish...

[c52]

"Your mission is that we are going to drop you into the sea off Jersey and you are going to pretend to be the Royal Navy's submarine fleet."

[NutLoose]

Mavis was disappointed when the men that needed their helmets polished turned up.

[NutLoose]

The names Rod... DynoRod.

[NutLoose]

Were R2-CPO models, we’re new.

[Chu Chu]

Some great entries this time. My favorites:

Wensleydale: The Americans failed to understand the concept of a "Bring a Boss night"

Kiltrash: Mr and Mrs Coneheads take their 6 children on their first transcontinental flight. Well if you discount the 6.4 light years from Andromeda

C52: It's not often that a hatter makes the inches-for-centimetres error.

cavuman1: The human xylophone is played with blows from a 10-lb. sledgehammer.

But as always, there's only one winner, so the coveted trophy, being loaded on a Do-X as we speak, is on its way to Nutloose for:

You didn't really think the RAF had anything more than the MK 1 eyeball in those fancy radomes did you?

[Kiltrash]

Nutty proudly shows no side effects after his 2nd Covid Jab. ..

Well done sir and all contributors

[NutLoose]

Ok, thank you very much :)
Surprised at winning this one, as there were some crackers, but on with the next, have fun with this..


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x545/ww2_raf_pilots_and_groundcrew_prepare_a_spitfire_during_the_ height_of_the_battle_of_britain_outside_london_england_1940_ image_c2_a9_time_life_pictures_8d28f6637b0725d7176b7f217df22 44a8c145bcc.jpg

[Wensleydale]

I thought it was Stirlings that Shorts built.....

[Wensleydale]

Why do they call Wellum "Boy"?

[Wensleydale]

We were going to swap him for some Wrens from the Navy....

[Buster Hyman]

You’ll save us all a lot of trouble if you just tell us where you hid Section Officer Harvey.

[treadigraph]

'Ere, The Wing Co's left his legs in 'ere again!

[Buster Hyman]

My God man! This is the RAF! Send Rodger the Cabin Boy back to Portsmouth!

[treadigraph]

It's no use coming up with that excuse again, Simkins. The boys have searched your Spit from stem to stern and there is absolutely no sign of your wallet. So, your mess bill...

[Buster Hyman]

Well, until further notice, you’re grounded! We cannot have unauthorised low passes across the Airfield like that. It scares the locals and takes a long time to get the ground staff off the aircraft!

[Buster Hyman]

No, you can’t have a rainbow coloured roundel…..why do you ask?

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x545/ww2_raf_pilots_and_groundcrew_prepare_a_spitfire_during_the_ height_of_the_battle_of_britain_outside_london_england_1940_ image_c2_a9_time_life_pictures_8d28f6637b0725d7176b7f217df22 44a8c145bcc.jpg

Seems young Simkins took Winston literally about fighting them on the beaches - he was topping up his tan down on the promenade when the flap sounded...

[Beamr]

For the very last time: this is not the mk. XXX and I was not on a beer flight. Would you please tell your ground crew to stop searching for alcohol.

[fitliker]

Took one in the banter tank squiffy, kite would barely stay up after that !

[Chu Chu]

If forced down over France, Hoskins was not going to be mistaken for a sans-culotte.

[Dan Gerous]

Tell you what, this BAe back scratcher is brilliant.



Guy looking in hatch, "You greedy bar steward, you ate all the in flight rations".

[treadigraph]

You can come out now Sir, the Staish has gone!

[Kiltrash]

Guy looking in hatch...Come here lads and see what the butler saw.

[Kiltrash]

Well after shooting down Jerry, did a Victory roll through London Bridge... Hope you meant Tower bridge Simkins said the Intelligence Officer

[Kiltrash]

In 60 years time EVERYBODY will be wearing Hi Viz jackets. bought up the patent, make a killing...

[Kiltrash]

Having been formally accepted into Fighter Command,303 Squadron asks for the 'L' plates to be taken off.

[Kiltrash]

While the Armourers , Refuelers and Mechanics quickly turn round the fighter to get back up there at Gerry, the Pilots have a Rock Scissors Paper game to see whose turn it is next

[Kiltrash]

Sir, said the man looking in the cockpit, I know Simkins claimed 3 kills on this sortie, but the gun button still has the safe tape over it...

[Kiltrash]

Came out the clouds at 500 feet and I found I was too close to Croydon for comfort, so nipped hack to Biggin

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x545/ww2_raf_pilots_and_groundcrew_prepare_a_spitfire_during_the_ height_of_the_battle_of_britain_outside_london_england_1940_ image_c2_a9_time_life_pictures_8d28f6637b0725d7176b7f217df22 44a8c145bcc.jpg

[MPN11]

The bullet hole in the roundel only scored 4... Hoskins was lucky again.

[Chu Chu]

No time to change. MPN11's sending a distress signal and the RN needs cover.

[cavuman1]

Cockpit guy shows hatch guy the true meaning of reach around.

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

Section Officer Harvey, hiding in the rear compartment, gives Braces Man a good time.

[Kiltrash]

Nope, looked everywhere, no fuel tank
Yes prevents going down in flames
And the range is?
As far as the rubber band can stretch. .

[Kiltrash]

Intelligence officer
Not sure that move Simmons was strictly Legal. Think VAR will disallow that effort, Hoskins scratch off that Swastika.

[Kiltrash]

I know you could not understand their ' chatter ' on the RT, but that does not make them the enemy. 603 Squadron CO wants a word...
( make that easy City of Edinburgh sqd )

[Kiltrash]

Could have been worse. The Battle of Britain could have been fought in Winter time. No tan for you laddie

[Kiltrash]

In Guy Martin BOB Fighter Pilot series 2 Guy gets to do the mundane duties, , including wiping poo off the seat after a particularly stressful dogfight.

[Kiltrash]

The Photo Reconnaissance people look forward eagerly to getting the pictures of Hitler's latest secret weapon.
Simmons explained how flying at the limit of the aircrafts endurance, flying through intense flak and fighting off a flock of aircraft without propellors, The King wanted Simmons to the Palace for a DFC and bar...
However Hoskins left the lens cap on..

[Dan Gerous]

"Your hand looks steady as a rock Hoskins".
"Yes Sir, but I shoot with the other hand".

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x545/ww2_raf_pilots_and_groundcrew_prepare_a_spitfire_during_the_ height_of_the_battle_of_britain_outside_london_england_1940_ image_c2_a9_time_life_pictures_8d28f6637b0725d7176b7f217df22 44a8c145bcc.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

"...and as I flew past the Eagles Nest, I gave old Adolf a snappy salute, then flicked him a V".

[Dan Gerous]

"Where have you been Hoskins"?
"I thought I'd borrow a kite and pay a flying visit Papa's estate".
"Yes that's all very well Hoskins, but we've been on Mosquito's for over a year now".

[MPN11]

"Nothing in here, Sir. You didn't divert via Speke on the way here, did you?"

[Kiltrash]

Yes sir, but I drink with the other hand

[Kiltrash]

Man leaning on cockpit.

' Nothing on the clock sir but the makers name'
Ah that must be AB123 Hurricane, made in Dagenham on a Bank Holiday Friday...

[Kiltrash]

Man bottom left...
There jacked it up, change the tyres sir
Officer ...
Kwik Fit them

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins hears that Sparky's looking for a pair of shorts.

[Buster Hyman]

BANDITS! 12 O’Clock low. They’re all over my aircraft! Get the MP’s!

[MPN11]

“... and another thing, Admin chappie ... the grass needs cutting.”

[Kiltrash]

Sa! Grass painted Fawn Sa! ....Run out of Green Sa!
and officer salute like this...
( imitates Arnold Rimmer )

[Kiltrash]

I say Doris, cross backed Bra straps. ..whatever will the boffins come up with next?

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins, stay there, don't think LS Lowery has quite got your legs right.

[MPN11]

“OK, chaps, the Squadron’s got a new r/t callsign ... we’re now SWANWICK.”

[ShyTorque]

“So, Pre flight checks......Refuelled - check. Re-armed - check. Fresh underpants.....hang on a mo’, they’re still in the boot...”

[NutLoose]

Ok scoring on Saturday, sorry for the delay.

[Kiltrash]

Thinks...now why did I select Radio technician as a trade, valves, wires, solder. Thought it was 2 baked beans tins and a very long piece of string...

[Kiltrash]

Thinks...now why did I select armourer as a trade? Springs, breech, muzzle. Thought it was painted broom handles and flashing lights....

[Kiltrash]

Thinks...Why did I select Pilot Officer as a trade, thought it was all sitting round bars, driving MG's and have a girl at each airfield. Then Hitler tries to invade.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x545/ww2_raf_pilots_and_groundcrew_prepare_a_spitfire_during_the_ height_of_the_battle_of_britain_outside_london_england_1940_ image_c2_a9_time_life_pictures_8d28f6637b0725d7176b7f217df22 44a8c145bcc.jpg

Very good Barrington-Smythe but did you get any of the Fokkers?

But, those Fokkers were Messerschmitts, Sir...

(Sorry!)

[MPN11]

"Don't want to cause a fuss, but what's that bloke in khaki doing inside your aircraft?"

[treadigraph]

"...I peppered a Dornier's arse and then this foreign-sounding bloke came over the R/T asking if I'd been mis-sold PPI..."

[c52]

The re-make of Battle of Britain was heavily criticised for anachronisms - here, for instance, we see hi-viz long before it became the be-all and end-all of military life.

[Kiltrash]

Po Buster reporting, well came across this baddie and gave him all 1400 rounds, last seen spiralling down to the drink. On a different topic, has anyone seen Po Nutty?
Officer, no not heard from him since this morning, but sure he'll be round later today.

[Kiltrash]

Cockpit guy...
' it says, Kikroy was 'ere '
or
This pilot seems to claims 40612 kills

[Kiltrash]

Now ve have re engineered ze Spitfire, Herr Goring, ve thought vy stop zer. I prezent to you der British Pilot und ground crew. And a shabby lot zey are too.
Be in London by ze end of ze veek.

[cavuman1]

Two men being pile-driven beneath the port wing as they balance it on their heads: "I say, would one of you please move the bloomin' aircraft? We're already up to our arses in sod!"

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

I rushed back, have I made Tea Tiffin and Medals?

[Kiltrash]

Yes made it to Messerschmitt Country And Scored ...

[Kiltrash]

Having flown one aircraft from Castle Bromwich to Kemble, you still expect a BoB Medal?

[Kiltrash]

And finslly ..

Look I want you to skip down the wing and play a cut back..
I know you went to Rugby, but your in the Air Force, in the Air Force now ...

[treadigraph]

If Scotland gains independence McHoskins, you'll be their Air Force... and as you have a dinghy in your seat pack, you can be their Navy too.

[c52]

The RAF objected to the recruitment film because the film-makers, in demonstrating how there is a need for all kinds of trades in the Air Force, showed an unserviceable aircraft.

[NutLoose]

Ok bit late but it got busy again, ok the winners are

Treddi with

It's no use coming up with that excuse again, Simkins. The boys have searched your Spit from stem to stern and there is absolutely no sign of your wallet. So, your mess bill...

Treddi with

Seems young Simkins took Winston literally about fighting them on the beaches - he was topping up his tan down on the promenade when the flap sounded..

fitliker with

Took one in the banter tank squiffy, kite would barely stay up after that !

Mpn11 with

“... and another thing, Admin chappie ... the grass needs cutting.”


but I’m going to award it to Treddi for the mess bill one, congrats Treddi, the CST is within Spitting distance of being posted.

[NutLoose]

Mine would have been along the lines of, “yes I said he could borrow the Spit, you know the RAF don’t run anywhere, and he said he’d bring it back after a quick circuit of the field.”

[treadigraph]

Blimey, thanks Nutty - I'll clear the detritus off the mantlepiece in anticipation!

Give this oddity a go...

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x450/54cb28045a064_bizarre_aircraft_03_0114_de_dcf4dd65da62e2ce37 837884b79e7db888e4b215.jpg

[NutLoose]

They were in such a rush to fit the AWAC radome, BAe forgot the wings.

[NutLoose]

Well, it’ll keep the rain off, flying is another thing though.

[c52]

Keep dry* in your personal aircraft - buy the Scroggs Wonderplane.

* except in high winds, when taxiing or flying

[c52]

To land on snow, simply invert the aircraft.

[NutLoose]

BAe says they got the idea from Reach for the Sky, so they installed a satellite dish.

[c52]

I call it AWACS: Aeroplane With A Circular Surface.

[NutLoose]

It flies like sh*te, however the GPS reception is superb.

[NutLoose]

We should be ok under here, just keep an eye open for that damned Chinese rocket.

[c52]

Got to give those flying saucer freaks something to be going on while we develop real top secret technology..

[c52]

Our wing-walkers keep saying the wing is too small, so I've come up with this idea.

[c52]

It the plane is going to crash, pull the red lever and the wing functions as a parachute.

[c52]

They'd run clean out of wings at B&Q so I borrowed my children's trampoline.

[Buster Hyman]

After the mid air, we were both lucky to walk away but the other pilot, an odd looking chap, kept saying "Phone home". I think the collision was rougher on him to be honest...

[c52]

"Yes, it's Variable Geometry. We can adjust the wing in flight 30* forwards or backwards."

- "But why?"

- "This is an invention in search of a use."

[Hydromet]

...well, until they can patch the hole in the ozone layer...

[Chu Chu]

Now we just cut away everything that isn't an autogyro.

[fitliker]

The new wing sundial combination design had it doubters at first until they received the complimentary flashlights so they could use the sundial on night flights :)

Might be the origins of the big wristwatch for pilots fashion .

[NutLoose]

Baaahh.. Tin Triangles... I’ll show them.

[Chu Chu]

Asking Hoskins to design a good all 'round wing may have been a mistake.

[Chu Chu]

Looks like a zero -- maybe the Japanese will buy it.

[Beamr]

Very innovative Hoskins, but how do we reach the pitot tube for pre-flight check?

[Beamr]

The original Harrier concept with a rotating wing VTOL raised some questions.

[Beamr]

We all know that frisbee flies jolly well, but how do you throw this thing?

[ShyTorque]

Well it’s great for round trips....

[Wensleydale]

"No BW. When I said that it was your turn to get the round in..........."

[Wensleydale]

"Forget Rhumb Lines: This is developed to fly the Great Circle Route."

[Wensleydale]

"Rotodyne? I thought that it was called the Fairey Rotodome?

[Kiltrash]

Why reinvent the wheel?

[Kiltrash]

Well if a couple of cycle chappies can build the first flying machine....

[Wensleydale]

Its great for spin recovery.

[c52]

The RAF demanded the ability to paint large roundels.

[Wensleydale]

"When you said that your new design held several records, I didn't think they were 78s!"

[Kiltrash]

During the next war we will be called Knights of the Air, and this is our Round Table

[Wensleydale]

"There's confusion at take-off when the pilot shouts "Rotate".

[Kiltrash]

Ah Bond, meet the improved Big Nellie, now bring it back in ONE piece.

[Kiltrash]

In the future this should give the "What Aircraft " competitors a real headache, eh Mr Treadigraph?