Caption Competition Mk III

[Confusious]

Red 2 "Anyone got the hang of these new-fangled differential wings yet?"

[Confusious]

Errrm, the oval circuits that we briefed have gone wonky.

[Confusious]

Right, that's the funfair over with. Now let's go and get ready for the reason we're here, to represent the RAF in the British Open Ballroom Formation Championships.

[CAEBr]

The initial MFTS proposal to meet the 90% sim training target is seen to be a bit dubious

[Confusious]

Red 2 "Now the bloody port wing has stalled and this piece of sh!t is about to flip into a spin. What, no rudder pedals, I'm outta here guys" EJECT

[Confusious]

That's the '0' sorted. If all goes well with the '7' tomorrow then we'll be ready for Her Majesty's Jubilee fly past.

[Confusious]

Chaps, I think that Red 1 has got the hots for the girl operating this thing. His head has been cranked 90° right since we started. Take her a stick of rock or a kiss me quick hat later on.

[NutLoose]

Too close for missiles switching to guns..

[NutLoose]

I’d have brought a bone dome but Red 4 was in it.

[NutLoose]

You can always spot a Red, they are often seated between two short planks.

[NutLoose]

God, I wish I’d joined the Pelicans..

[Big Pistons Forever]

Who are they ?

Oh the past over Reds. Not PC enough so they decided to make their own fun…

[Kiltrash]

The new RAF Recruitment Poster goes viral

White males only to apply...Oh did I really just think that out loud??

[Kiltrash]

Due to Global Warming the Ski Slope Chairlift is re purposed

[Kiltrash]

At last we have found a aircraft Hoskins CANNOT crash..... oh yes he can, hold my beer and watch this...

[Kiltrash]

Captain Flasheart does everything he can to pull Blackadders ' Bob '

[Confusious]

All but Red 1 are suffering from the effects of methane inhalation. The Taj Mahal on the Golden Mile has proudly claimed responsibility.

[ACW599]

"Hey, look guys, that's Wiggy over there on the dodgems with that fat bird. Give him a wave".

[NutLoose]

The Ukrainians have a term for you, better dead than red.

[Confusious]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1123x643/image_efb562500ad96fd471f3b95f138babf817bcc44f_ebf973d297a69 7dceb2b574c3a1806abb27bcaab.png

[Kiltrash]

After a fault in the mechanism the ride goes treble speed. ...as a further safety idea Bicycle clips now became mandatory

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Hoskins filed for divorce citing her husbands unnatural fixation with a flight simulator in the front room

[Kiltrash]

No Hoskins saying ' Smoke on GO '
​​​does not promote you to Red 1

[fitliker]

This strap belt harness restaint thingy is rubbing me the wrong way , I hope I don’t get a kilt rash again like I got from those rented kilts at your cousins wedding

[fitliker]

Too close for missiles , switching to handbags

[fitliker]

Are you sure this is how Tom Cruise got selected to fly Tom Cats ?

[fitliker]

I might feel safer if they let us wear our helmets , damn things are in the repair shop for software upgrade again and mirror upgrades

[fitliker]

Last nights curry was about to give those riding the after burner experience as they start to pull some G in the next inverted turn

[Buster Hyman]

And, you’re sure this is the Mach Loop?

[ScottBouch]

More budget cuts.

[ACW599]

"Rolling, rolling...oh"

[NutLoose]

Ohhh ****… camera, switching to sunglasses..

[NutLoose]

Next time let's try something less dangerous. ...like punting along the River in Cambridge

'cause that's where I am today 😁


Sorry off topic, I just had to reply to this less dangerous pastime.. punting in sh*t

https://www.itv.com/news/anglia/2022-08-23/they-need-to-be-accountable-the-water-firms-accused-of-not-monitoring-sewage

let the competition resume :E

[treadigraph]

Sorry off topic, I just had to reply to this less dangerous pastime.. punting in sh*t

https://www.itv.com/news/anglia/2022-08-23/they-need-to-be-accountable-the-water-firms-accused-of-not-monitoring-sewage

let the competition resume :E

Whatever boats yer floater... :\

[MPN11]

Yay … hot tottie at 2 o’clock … umm 12 … ahh 9 o’clock … bugger, check your 6 …

[treadigraph]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1123x643/image_efb562500ad96fd471f3b95f138babf817bcc44f_ebf973d297a69 7dceb2b574c3a1806abb27bcaab.png

[treadigraph]

I WANNA ICE CREAM!!!!!!

[MPN11]

Secondary Effects of Controls 1.02

Primary Effects of Alcohol 1.01

[treadigraph]

Pssssssssssst! Red 3! If you up chuck with your head turned 25 degrees right, ballistics and centrifugals will ensure you get the Boss right on the back of head!

[fitliker]

Sorry off topic, I just had to reply to this less dangerous pastime.. punting in sh*t

https://www.itv.com/news/anglia/2022-08-23/they-need-to-be-accountable-the-water-firms-accused-of-not-monitoring-sewage

let the competition resume :E

That might explain the smell , I thought it was her perfume :)
She must have thought it was me , as no second date after that lark
We now return to your regularly broadcast fun time

[Kiltrash]

Off topic again however i just had to respond, On the 'Punts' we were advised by our professional oars man to not dangle hands in the river as the Blue Green Bloom was a Health hazard , also fun was had watching the self propelled punts by the Civilians trying to keep it on the straight and narrow, and not crash into other boats / banks/ overhanging trees .... Yes it was not a cheap trip, but so what Im retired and cant take it with me

Now back to our normal programmes

Caption. You may want to complain Simkins but still better than walking.

or From the back seater

Are we nearly there yet?

or

I need a wee wee

or

( and finally )

Said we wanted to turn right at that intersection 15 miles back, but NO you wouldn't believe your Navigator... again

[Confusious]

All smiles the morning after 96 Squadron went inverted around the town.

[SLXOwft]

"Insulting" say Blackpool residents in response to effects of budget cuts on Red Arrows 'flypast' to mark 65 years since closure of Hawker's Squire's Gate factory.

[Buster Hyman]

You think this is bad? You should see the Navy’s new bathtub!

[NutLoose]

Hey look, is that our other sim on fire?

[MPN11]

Hey look, is that our other sim on fire?

Simulated smoke on ... go ... and don't follow through this time, Hoskins!

[Kiltrash]

Pull out the way Red 5 i've got the shot at Sharkey-Ward ...

[Kiltrash]

The PPRuNe Usual suspects enjoy their Jolly Boys outing to Margate. What could possibly go wrong Del Boy??

[Kiltrash]

Negative Ghost Rider the pattern is full.....That's the trouble with ATC...no sense of humour.

[Confusious]

Did I just hear Red 4 saying that he had stolen coconuts?

[cynicalint]

Calling tomorrow afternoon so we can have something for the weekend.

[NutLoose]

Bloke in the blue suit looking right..

"Christ, one's banged out already."

[NutLoose]

The question is who is in the frame for the next shock horror story..

[Confusious]

Dad, I've just seen this RAF advert on Facebook Marketplace.

Flight simulator: No longer required, so free to a good home. Buyer must dismantle and collect.
Ad edit: 2 missing seats.

[ShyTorque]

"Oh no, Red 1's been on the curry again - we're back in a toxic environment!"

[treadigraph]

OK, so you said the Reds were downsizing in three ways. Now there's only seven of us, we're stuck with this contraption instead of Hawks, so what's the third way?

Have you ever heard of Skegness?

[ACW599]

Leaked BRIXMIS imagery of the Wiggins Aerodyne showed that it had a crew of five and used unconventional techniques for achieving stability and control.

[cynicalint]

Special mention for bravery goes to:
AWC599
"Hey, look guys, that's Wiggy over there on the dodgems with that fat bird. Give him a wave".

Runner-up for keeping up to date with the news is:-
Confusius
Dad, I've just seen this RAF advert on Facebook Marketplace.
Flight simulator: No longer required, so free to a good home. Buyer must dismantle and collect.
Ad edit: 2 missing seats.

And winner for being too close to the truth is:-

CAEBr
The initial MFTS proposal to meet the 90% sim training target is seen to be a bit dubious

[CAEBr]

Thanks. Having taken a pop at the Flying Training debacle with that one, lets try something less controversial.

How about recruitment !

Have a go at this


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/805x610/interview_7f9b80ae0279259d8f11cda398946a7f1769fe8f.jpg

[Confusious]

Good morning, now I understand that you all identify as computer keyboard keys.

[Wensleydale]

I'm afraid that those with "F" for fail will not get through - you are too white.

[Wensleydale]

We've lowered the entry age to 14 in the hope that some of you may qualify as aircrew before you reach 30.

[treadigraph]

Well, I am sorry but unfortunately none of you are suitable for aircrew training. However we have also assessed you for careers in motor racing...

[Confusious]

Nudge, nudge. "Here's another two in the bag for our Wiggers old bean."

[Confusious]

F1 - "Sir, if this helps, I've just had a positive oestrogen test."

[Dan Gerous]

Good afternoon trainees, I'm Mr Control, and this is my colleague Mr Alt. You're all deleted.

[Kiltrash]

The five judges deliver their verdict on the Air Commodore, and discard his Lawers plea for clemancy

[Kiltrash]

OK so on a show of hands it's 5 for tea and 2 for coffee. As we outrank you it's Coffee all round then.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry to get through selection 3 off you will have to black up, 2 change sex and produce birth certificate showing you were born in East Africa. ....said the recruitment panel dressed in blue

[NutLoose]

Well my great, great, great, grandpapa came from India, so I should meet your quota.

[AR1]

Vietjet is proud to announce its diversity target of 20% has been met.

[jim's brother]

I remember that Group Discussion. We asked F3 to make a proposal, so he asked F4 to marry him. F1 offered to be Best Man, F5 wanted to be a Bridesmaid. "Fine, fine", we said, smiling encouragingly. F2 looked completely nonplussed, so we failed him for poor teamwork.

[NutLoose]

Well, I used to ride in the back of an F3, what do you say to that?

[NutLoose]

So F1, F2, F3, F4 and F Off we have to chop one of you, any ideas as to who it is going to be?

[Ascend Charlie]

The interviewing officer asked them to demonstrate how they would hold the relief tube. F4 asked if that was air force slang for a dildo. F1,2 and 3 had a chuckle.

[jim's brother]

F3: "I'm not complaining, but to be completely honest I feel rather disadvantaged in a team with two pairs of identical twins."

[Confusious]

To impress the board both F2 and F4 are pretending to hold something that they don't possess.

[ACW599]

"Good morning Ministers and welcome to the Air Force Board meeting. I'm sorry about the disguises but we had to get you past the media".

[jim's brother]

"Just to give you a little insight, we have short collective names for the teams: for example, B-all and C-all. What do you think we call your team?"

"No, No, F3 - we call it F-team."

[NutLoose]

Well that’s 6 gone, I am sorry, we can’t have people shouting out “I am not a number, I am a free man”

[cynicalint]

F1 - Do we trust these two chisellers that they will pick the best person for the job, or are we all doomed to pre-determined failure?

[Confusious]

Before we proceed, we are obliged to tell all five of you that the All Inclusive Secondment to the Gambia is probably not what you expected to be shortlisted for.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/805x610/image_76f9d8cfbfad91a8e97521bbee3fe255d903086f.jpeg

[NutLoose]

So it looks like we’re down to you F’ing lot.

[NutLoose]

Excuse me, but does anyone know why the Webcam is playing the Ukrainian national anthem?

[cynicalint]

I will ask a question and you have five minutes to discuss it.
"Are the Red Arrows value for money?"

[jim's brother]

The inaugural briefing of the RAF's new aerobatic team, named by our Prime Minister "Les Fleches Bleu", clearly showing deference to our "good buddy" Monsieur Macron.

[NutLoose]

Who knows, one of you five sitting in front of us could be the future CAS and by God do we need you.

[cynicalint]

I will ask a question and you have five minutes to discuss it.
"Is it worth your while waiting for half your Permanent Commission before you get to a front-line sqn?"

[Confusious]

F3, sorry you're chopped.
No problem sir, you're too late as that's what got me this far.

[cynicalint]

I will ask a question and you have five minutes to discuss it.
"Which of your fellow hopefuls is a trans?"

[NutLoose]

You all seemed to be getting along admirably, you have all worked well together throughout the process, so sadly I have to tell you, you have all failed your assessment for joining the Red Arrows.

..

[cynicalint]

One of you has dirty trainers and will be removed from selection.

[NutLoose]

Yes I was determined to join the RAF and to meet the requirements, but while the operation was painful, the doctor did give me my penis back in a jam jar which now sits on my bedside table.

[jim's brother]

"Well, congratulations to you all. You've demonstrated that you have aptitude, interest, initiative, stickability and all those other things that make you ideal candidates for training and, had this been yesterday, you would have been selected. However, as you will have read in the Daily Telegraph this morning, we have far too many people like you, so we have to tell you you've failed. We wish you the very best of luck in your chosen career."

[NutLoose]

So we send you on a fictitious detachment, would you

A. Book into a B and B
B. Sleep in a tent.
C. Book into a five star hotel.
D. Book a caravan.

[jim's brother]

"None of those, because the detachment's fictitious." Correct?

[Buster Hyman]

So, F1. Are you a fan of Indy Car?

[Buster Hyman]

No, it’s really quite simple. Walk around the chairs and when the music stops, you sit down. Shall we begin?

[Buster Hyman]

What do you mean, “not diverse enough”, we fly Blackhawks & Apache’s…..

[NutLoose]

Welcome to the RAF command course, we understand you transferred over from the Army hence we decided to call you F Troop after the TV series which as you know followed the accidentally heroic and chronically inept Wilton Parmenter who is given command of Fort Courage, Kansas, a dumping ground for the Army's least useful men,

[treadigraph]

The Royal Navy brings back the Fred's Five Aerobatic Display Team... "Sea Vixens? No, you're getting a canoe and a paddle each, now go away and practice your formation rolls..."

[fdr]

"no, silly, he means we are the "best of the best of the best", after everyone else that was screened out by the lordships decree.... And, anyway, the letter Z has been taken already by the Ruzzians..."

[ShyTorque]

“Right, so which one of you stole our pine pole and rope?”

[jim's brother]

"Yes, F3, the camera is recording. If you're successful, the video will be placed in your personnel file - then, if you reach a very senior rank, we can check back and see how we got it right - or so wrong, as the case may be."

[jim's brother]

"Social distancing, F3? Yes - these new enormous desks take care of that - I'm socially distanced from him, and we're socially distanced from you lot. Any more questions?"

[jim's brother]

"No, F3, "Per Ardua Ad Astra" doesn't mean "Through Diversity to the Stars."

[MPN11]

F2 to F1 ... "Yes, I fancy her too. Toss you for it?"

[NutLoose]

You ladies will never amount to anything until you learn the man spread.

[NutLoose]

I don’t care what you say F3, I am not going to a dance with you and with three and fourpence you are a cheapskate

[NutLoose]

That’s it, the chairs fit, you’re in, welcome to the RPAS

[NutLoose]

Well F1 it says here your name is Hamilton, but their appears to have been some sort of mix up, I’m sorry but you no longer meet our quot… ahem….. requirements.

[Confusious]

M1, tell me a bit about yourself.
Well, I used to be an F2, then I transitioned to an F1, now I'm a happy M1.

[Kiltrash]

I'm pleased to tell you we have asked for your results to be fast tracked....so should be with us in a year or two.

[Confusious]

And before we wrap this up, please say something in one sentence which you think will help with your application.
F2 "I fancy you sir"

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for joining the NHS Covid team after BA released you... i'm Dr Burke and this is Dr Hare

[Kiltrash]

No you can't all be Wing Attack ( Plan R )

[Kiltrash]

I'm sorry but someone left a ' Floater ' during the last toilet break

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for being in the Line up, however it appears Mrs Higginbotham pick you all out as her assailant. The Police have sent her to Specsavers ...so don't think your ALL cleared yet

[treadigraph]

No, I'm sorry, that doesn't say F0, it's FO and you know what that means...

[Ascend Charlie]

"I can see that F4 and F5 have their future in their hands."

Or:

Interviewer 1: "What is one and one?"
F1: "Two."
F2: "Eleven"
F3: "Three"
F4: "One and one can be a lot of fun."
F5: "It can be whatever you want it to be."
Interviewer 1 to Interviewer 2: "Well, F1 tells it straight. F2 is a bit creative. F3 is thinking digitally. F4 sounds like a good time. And F5 is a free thinker. Which one do you want?"
Interviewer 2: "The one with the big tits."

[Confusious]

Good morning ladies, gentlemen and errrm, uh. Sorry, wait a minute, I just need to refer to the manual.

[Confusious]

So far you've all failed maths, hand eye coordination and the aptitude tests. Being here is what matters, so let's crack on.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/805x610/image_76f9d8cfbfad91a8e97521bbee3fe255d903086f.jpeg

[treadigraph]

5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

So you're the Manfreds...?

[jim's brother]

"Good Morning, F-Team. Over the next couple of days, you willl take part in various competitive exercises. The picture from that TV camera is streamed to every crewroom in the RAF, and each evening one of you will be voted off by the viewers. Oh - I forgot to introduce us: I'm Sqn Ldr Declan, and this is Flt Lt Anthony." (Cue intro music.)

[Buster Hyman]

Oh yes, it's all smiles now, but when I find out which one of you had glue on your hands when we all shook hands this morning, you'll be out the door!

[NutLoose]

Welcome to the sexual orientation classes, our aim is to assimilate you into the RAF structure and by the time you leave here two of you will be homosexual.

[NutLoose]

Well recruits Flt Lt Smithers and I were just reflecting on our service, when we joined up, if you were identified as homosexual you would have been court marshalled and thrown out, nowadays if insufficient of you are identified as homosexuals you too will be thrown out. It’s a strange old world, huh.

[Kiltrash]

Now let's go back a couple of hours, given the final score do you think you did everything you could do to stop a 9-0 stuffing
..
F2 Yes sir I had Liverpool to win by that score..netted us £750 😁 drinks are on us in the bar.

Sqn Leader. . Congrats your all accepted for FJ Training.

[Kiltrash]

Candidates ...Sorry can we please hurry up and stop rabbiting on.... We know you hope to be the Conservative Leader but we have a plane to catch ...in 4 days

[Kiltrash]

VSO.... Sorry I have your results Here I know you expected a Text ...but this is the Military you know, never know whose listening in ...Ruskies, Chinese or even worse Wikileaks

[Kiltrash]

We took a look at civilian life and have installed in Biggin 3 separate toilet blocks, marked Male, Female and Flower pot..

[Kiltrash]

We all know the Mig 28 cannot sustain inverted flight so would you kindly explain the picture and the meaning if the middle finger...
Well yes I could however your security clearance is not high enough

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for applying to be PPRnNe's new military Moderator, after what happened to the previous incumbent we need to ensure you do not have any skeletons in your cupboard....so we will now go for a locker search.... Lead on...

[jim's brother]

"F3, you seem unusually clued-up on the RAF. You must have been revising hard?"
"Well, yes - my brother Jim is in the RAF, so I asked him for help. He said 'just read PPRuNe every day and you'll soon know more than they do.' "
(Writing) "Displays some initiative, but reads PPRuNe? Questionable morality."

[Confusious]

F4 - where do you see yourself in 25 years time?

Probably sat where you are.

And by then do you think that we'll have exhausted all the alphabet and mathematical symbols?

Strange question sir, please could you explain?

You know, LGBTQ+.

Ahh, I've got a few friends who already fall outside of the norm, you know the LGBTQ+. One of them is a ZX÷*

Bloody glad that I'm retiring in a few months, learning about you lot will be more complex than learning to fly and defend our country.

[jim's brother]

"F-Team, we'd like to know how you keep abreast of what's going on in the world. What newspapers do you read?"
Blank looks all round.
"OK, then, which TV news do you watch?"
Blanker looks.
"How do you find out what's going on, then?"
F3: "Well sir, like, on my phone, like, it comes up with, like, all sorts of, like, important events and things, like. Like that video, like, of someone taking a car, like, outside some dude's house, like. And, like, dating events on, like, Facebook with nice photos I like, like. That, like, certainly keeps me, like, a breast, like. And, like, this Daily Mail pops up, like, with stories, like, which are just, like, unbelievable. I bet, like, I know more about what's going on, like, than you do. Like?"
"Fine, fine. Let's move on."

[Kiltrash]

Now we come to the Call signs you suggested you to be known by, and very good macho ones they are, however please F3 can you explain your choice..." I'm Free "

[Kiltrash]

" F4 that's not an appropriate joke to tell, especially in mixed company, please in future keep these racist sexism mysonginistic (sp) ones to the Ladies Locker room.. "

[Kiltrash]

Please tell, you went out as a team of 6 but only Came back from your 10k run as a team of 5. Where did F6 Gump go
Well Sir the last think Forest said was about " Run Forest Run.. "

[Buster Hyman]

Okay, from left to right, I'll call you Fury, Banshee, Demon, Phantom and Freedom Fighter. Do any of you have a clue as to what I mean?

[NutLoose]

And F3, when I call out your number please stop shouting Bingo

[Confusious]

F1, 2 and 3, sorry but you're all 80 years too late for the Fairey Battle.

[Chu Chu]

It takes all the notes to make a symphony.

Then why are we all F's?

[Buster Hyman]

Bunch of keyboard warriors if you ask me!

[Confusious]

Congratulations to F3. By the way you can't take your eyes off F5, we can safely say that your type conversion course was a success.

[Confusious]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/805x610/image_76f9d8cfbfad91a8e97521bbee3fe255d903086f_b0baf2745d957 e6f0496403b1c882299794919db.jpeg

[Confusious]

Sir, it looks like your inbox is empty.

[treadigraph]

And you can stop laughing or you'll end up like me, thirty years of flying a desk....

[jim's brother]

A few days ago, I was showing an army Major how the RAF runs selection, and invited him to F-Team's induction briefing.

"Squadron Leader Bach, what do you call this briefing," he asked.

"Bach's Overture in F, Major."

[Dan Gerous]

F1, " Listen guys lets's try rocking back and forth on these chairs and if we don't get sick we'll head off to the Navy selection centre, cause I don't think we're getting anywhere here".

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/805x610/image_76f9d8cfbfad91a8e97521bbee3fe255d903086f_b0baf2745d957 e6f0496403b1c882299794919db.jpeg

[Dan Gerous]

F1, "Are you two sisters"?
F4, "Yes we are".
F1, "So where's Cinderella"?

[Chu Chu]

What are you doing here?

Sir, we're the Finnish exchange cadets.

Ah, the flour gang -- of course.

[Kiltrash]

I think this Course has had its run...NEXT

[Kiltrash]

No no no its the Interlocking Grip for the 5 Iron, here I'll demonstrate AGAIN....watch closely

[Kiltrash]

F3 ...No a letter from your mother asking you to be excused PE because it's your time of the month won't wash with the Air Force....now if you try the Navy next you may be more successful

[CAEBr]

Some great entries so far, will call this tomorrow afternoon.

CAEBr

[Kiltrash]

No then, this investigation is to discover why, on Friday when we left this desk was immaculate and today when we returned there are deep scratches gouged into the Mahogany top. Now we trusted you to behave like responsible adults and this is how you repaid us.
Stop smirking Simkins. ..
Now we have clear CCTV showing Helen and Abigail being picked up by their parents for the weekend so we can eliminate them from our investigation

[Kiltrash]

F4 and F5. Sorry Sir, to us " Gaining our wings " has a totally different meaning to us. We get them naturally

[Kiltrash]

We know you are all highly qualified Fast Jet Pilots prepared to go above and beyond the call of duty to defend the United Kingdom at a moments notice and make the ultimate sacrifice if the baloon goes up. However due to automation yoi have all been replaced by this little red button .
So you are all being redeployed to where the Country needs you, Assistant waste management supervisors ...in Edinburgh..

( was in the fair city for the Festival during the rubbish collection strike and it shamed the city of my birth )

[jim's brother]

Well, F-Team, you've all done very well and we've decided you should all proceed to pilot training. In view of the recent report that the RAF are deploying to civilian airports, these are your ultimate postings:

F1: Typhoon (RAF Detachment White Waltham)
F2: Hercules (RAF Detachment Halfpenny Green)
F3: Poseidon (RAF Detachment Damnys Hall)
F4: Globemaster (RAF Detachment Popham)
F5: Hawk (Red Arrows) (RAF Woodvale - by the time you're trained, Woodvale will be the RAF's only remaining airfield, housing Basic and Advanced Training, Central Flying School, the Red Arrows, VGS Gliders, all the University Air Squadrons, Chinook, Puma and many more. The Royal Air Force College, Southport, will be located in seafront guest houses nearby.)

[Kiltrash]

OK we're here to find out who put black paint on the AOC's binocular eyepieces. And we have all week so the truth will come out..
Aide leans over and whispers. ..er no we don't have all week, we only have till this afternoon before we're moved out and a new picture comes in.. .
Erm ok we will have to employ somthing that no one expects, The Spainish Inquisition

[Ascend Charlie]

"Did somebody say KFC? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Well, firstly I'd like to thank you all for getting this far in the selection process. I have to tell you that to be an officer in today's Air Force means you are the best of the best, absolutely the right person for the job. So having got that out of the way, you 3 are out.

[Confusious]

During the practical RT training day, F2 yelled "I've had quite a few contacts in my 6 o'clock".

[CAEBr]

Ok, the interview and tests are now complete, and the posting recommendations are ready

We've lowered the entry age to 14 in the hope that some of you may qualify as aircrew before you reach 30
gets Wensleydale a posting into the MFTS project office to review whether 14 is actually a low enough age.

So F1, F2, F3, F4 and F Off we have to chop one of you, any ideas as to who it is going to be?
gets Nutty a posting to Personnel to look at sensitive selection techniques

Good morning, now I understand that you all identify as computer keyboard keys.
gets Confusious a holding post plane spotting at Valley



But with the shortest completion of an MFTS course in the history of the RAF
Good morning ladies, gentlemen and errrm, uh. Sorry, wait a minute, I just need to refer to the manual.
gets Confusious the course CST award and a posting to the RAF's frontline jet - look after it, its the only one they've got !!

[Confusious]

Ta CAEBr, treasure it I shall.
Here's my offering to start off this week.
Enjoy all!
https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1181x840/spitfire_droptank_fuelling_300dpi_49d28b5481f122c1350f406486 e4bd4fa23c0aa6.jpg

[treadigraph]

Thank heavens you found a use for Hoskins' Netttle and Elderberry, and I hear Cpl Smithers discovered that the Greengage and Rosehip kills the bindweed behind the mess.

[MPN11]

“Special Delivery for the Red Arrows somewhere in Europe.”

[MPN11]

Pilot thinks … “Pour me a couple of pints before I set off, Chiefy.”

[treadigraph]

I say chaps, more good news - Bomber Command have agreed to drop the still on Der Führerbunker...

[MPN11]

I thought this was RAF Haveabeer, not Harrowbeer!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RAF_Harrowbeer

[treadigraph]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1181x840/spitfire_droptank_fuelling_300dpi_49d28b5481f122c1350f406486 e4bd4fa23c0aa6.jpg

[treadigraph]

OK, Cpl Shepherd, Cpl Neame, what are you boys going to call your concoction...?

[Kiltrash]

Picture as seen on the wall of the Solent Sky Museum ....
So ..Special delivery of Spitfire to the Troops on the Western Front, Herman was not best pleased

[Kiltrash]

As usual the delivery chap makes no attempt to help with the unloading.. I'm only paid to drive the bloody thing

[Kiltrash]

HMRC officer patiently waits for his ' cut '

[Kiltrash]

Treadigraph waits patiently for his next delivery of Home Brew to be ready for collection

[Kiltrash]

This? No we found it just off the coast at Pearl, wait a mo while we flush out the ' Nips '

[Kiltrash]

PO Prune found that switching to the wrong underslung tank gave his aircraft a additional 500hp.

[Kiltrash]

Chap in the white coat finds he has a 50cal aimed squarely at his head, as encouragement to get the job done..

[Kiltrash]

Big Bertha waits patiently for her water filled dildo from Amazon .... Be carefull what you ' Click ' for

[cynicalint]

Hurry Up! My foot is still stuck in the firkin thing!

[MPN11]

P: OK, have we done the full trim and balance calculations, given the different specific gravity? And the Risk Assessments? Are the Carriage limits within specification? Will that chalk affect the drag calculations?
SAC: F off, Mr. Hoskins.

[Chu Chu]

Hold on, I reread the orders. Apparently we’re to attack the laager, not with lager.

[cynicalint]

Once you've finished larking about, the inside of this exhaust stub needs cleaning and polishing!

[treadigraph]

This isn't B Beer chaps, it's O Orange. I'm teetotal...

[Ascend Charlie]

Bloggs is ready for some "spirited" flying.

[cynicalint]

Why is it, that when I am filled up with beer, my thing does not get hard and long like that thing?

[Chu Chu]

If Fritz won’t come up to fight, we’ll beer him in his den.

[NutLoose]

And tell Commander Bond it should arrive shaken not stirred.

[NutLoose]

Who is Joy and why all the kisses?

[NutLoose]

Better top it up with deicing fluid, we don’t want it freezing on the way over.

[NutLoose]

I reckon we can charge them 2 bob a pint.

[NutLoose]

Are you sure the Staish said put it on his mess bill?

[NutLoose]

And be careful, I heard customs went in on the first wave.

[NutLoose]

Trouble is what do we decant it into on the other side?
no problem, we'll hang the empty barrels under the wings, then you can pour it back into them

NOT THE CAP COMP PICTURE


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x544/image_181c189b21fc1aa6a96a98e7440b40f4c29b9e10.jpeg

​​​​

[Wensleydale]

Well his ACR did describe him as a stout fellow.

[Wensleydale]

Delivery for OC Hops Wing?

[Wensleydale]

"The wine goes under the port wing..."

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1181x840/spitfire_droptank_fuelling_300dpi_49d28b5481f122c1350f406486 e4bd4fa23c0aa6_0a2e9d033888390d7011498864a412179d8932db.jpg

[NutLoose]

Smithers looks on as they load the beer for the "other Sqn" who do not realise he has removed the letter P from in front of the barrel content markings.

[Wensleydale]

The Op Order specified that the Spitfire had to be armed with a minimum 200 Rounds........

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins! The boffins said to fill the tank with neutral spirits.

Do you think I’m stupid, Sir? This is Irish whiskey.

[ACW599]

"This new biofuel smells a bit like beer. I wonder why it's supplied in barrels?"

[NutLoose]

I say chaps, wouldn't it have made more sense to fit the empty tank to the kite before filling it?

[NutLoose]

I see it's going to 29 Sqn, I wouldn't fill it to much, those woosies cannot hold their beer.

[Buster Hyman]

Are those barrels secure? I don’t want to roll them!

[NutLoose]

When I deliver this to Gonorrhea Greg, it won't be Spitfire, it'll be more like Pissfire.

[Buster Hyman]

Bit late on the drinks shout Hoskins!

[Buster Hyman]

I say Bertie, isn’t your wife’s name Joy?

[NutLoose]

Keep the empties, I will pop them over to the Navy barracks, they are always short of a barrel or two

[Buster Hyman]

Don’t tell me, lounging about, not lifting a finger to help… you must be the Wing Commander.

[Buster Hyman]

The Hurricane chaps are furious! They’re delivering Worcester Sauce!

[NutLoose]

The chaps at the front said the beer tasted of petrol, strange that..

[MPN11]

The Germans say bitte but we’re delivering Castlemaine XXX to confuse them

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The Ale Appreciation Society didn't believe that a little thing like a war should stand in the way of the monthly deliveries to its members.

[NutLoose]

And keep it below 500 ft, the Yanks like their beer warm.

[NutLoose]

Carry on chaps, ignore it, that wasn't last orders, it was the scramble bell....

[MPN11]

I say, chalk-chappie … you know smoking’s bad for you, don’t you?

[jim's brother]

Give 'em both barrels, Sir.

[jim's brother]

"Hope you washed it out thoroughly."
"I though you said you would do that!"

[cynicalint]

The first version of cross-the-ball did not work as well as Hoskin thought!

[treadigraph]

If you barrel out of the roll, there'll be hell to pay up at the front...

[treadigraph]

Ale meet again, don't know where, don't know when...

[treadigraph]

The First of the Brew...

[treadigraph]

The Thirst of the Few...

[treadigraph]

(Bottle of Britain has been done before by a certain Kentish brewery...)

[MPN11]

We had to do this job … we couldn’t afford the excess baggage charges on Ryanair.*

* other airlines may also be substituted.

[Kiltrash]

Special delivery for Olli Read.... same again tomorrow ?

[MPN11]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1181x840/spitfire_droptank_fuelling_300dpi_49d28b5481f122c1350f406486 e4bd4fa23c0aa6_0a2e9d033888390d7011498864a412179d8932db.jpg

[Wensleydale]

Inflight rations aren't what they used to be...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Bloke in white shirt whispers: "Right, that's just about the last of it. Hoskins, when you've finished messing about there, nip up into the cockpit and pull the wires off the back of the "Jettison" switch. Try not to let his nibs up there see what you're doing. Last thing we want is him punching this off at the first sign of Jerry".

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

After several experiments, the boffins at 453 Squadron RAAF had deduced that 60 minutes at 20000 ft resulted in pommy beer that was almost drinkable.

[Chu Chu]

Alternative fuel trials continue to show disappointing results. However, the source of the trouble has been narrowed to the head.

[NutLoose]

I’ll just hide here on the wing, if you see the Staish you haven’t seen me.

[NutLoose]

I tell you, I landed in the French back of beyond on the first bloody half built emergency strip to bring refreshment to the boys and the bloody NAAFI wagon was already there and was under cutting me.

[jim's brother]

"Illiterate? No problem - just copy the propeller."

[jim's brother]

Then write underneath: "Best before 8 May 1945".

[jim's brother]

Initial tests used a safe substitute and took place on the ground; now, In-Flight Refuelling is commonplace.

[jim's brother]

"Try to head away from turbulence, otherwise they'll easily spot you at the head of the trail of head."

[jim's brother]

"In case you have any problems, you'll find in the cockpit the end of a string tied to the ring-pull."

[jim's brother]

"When the war is over, I'm thinking of producing miniature versions of these that people can store at home."
"It'll never catch on."

[Kiltrash]

Snap found In the bottom drawer of the Daily Mail War Correspondent causes much mirth in 2022

[Kiltrash]

Early Chemtrail flights are covered by the Official Secrets Act, so to throw Greenpeace* off the trail are cunningly disguised by PO Baldrick ...
* other loony groups are available

[Kiltrash]

To get over the Lorry Driver strike, Watneys attempt to by pass the Picket Lines

[Kiltrash]

In a last despirate throw of the dice to show he still has Power, the PM arranges one last party at Chequers ....

[Kiltrash]

Ground crew looking on....
I donno where he can store so much beer, my limit is 5 pints a night...
Why that's Bader, you know the one with the tin legs

[Kiltrash]

Additional supplies are urgently needed to be flown to HMPOW anchored in the Solent and the BBMF Spitfire is the only current RAF aircraft with sufficient short field capabilities....and it's only a short hop from Eastleigh