Caption Competition Mk III

[NutLoose]

Bugger, I told you we shouldn’t switch over to 5 G
​​​​

[NutLoose]

Well this is a cluster f* ck if I ever saw one.

[Ascend Charlie]

A quick call on this one, so the wreckage can be cleared by the time the bar opens on Friday afternoon:

Congrats to Treadigraph:

The Osages suffered badly after an attack by a Sioux raiding party...

Over to you, Blue Leader

[treadigraph]

Oh blimey, thanks AC! As I've only just hosted the CST and I'm about to head out the front door for few hours, may I throw it open to the others?

(If no takers by the time I get home at lunchtime, I'll search out something for the weekend sir... )

[Kiltrash]

Traders if I may as I'm off grid at the moment....in Ireland 😁 so if i may pop one up of our Great Leader ?? Back in Blighty Sat evening so call Sunday ..lunchtime

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/615x331/0_js272369617_a5aaaa39c28d857b15a3419ef98144a330f2078f.jpg

[artee]

This is spiffing! I wonder if I could get Lord Brownlow to buy me one. We could get Lulu Lytle to do the livery.

[Wensleydale]

"What does this button do?....ooops".

[Buster Hyman]

We shall fight them on….can you hear me? Is it on? … okay… We shall fight them o….”out of shot?”, bugger. Okay, how’s that? Everyone in place? Okay… We shall…bugger, LINE!

[Buster Hyman]

They don’t like it up ‘em!

[Confusious]

This G-Suit is squeezing my balls.

Yes Boris, that's 2G. We'll now break off and try a loop.

[treadigraph]

(Kilty, many thanks mate! Great pic! Enjoy the Emerald Isle!)

Have they got any beer? I need topping up...

[Self loading bear]

“Boris One to escort, we are returning to base due to inoperable leadership”

“This is Escort one, we will continue to bring the bozo to the party”

[NutLoose]

And if you do not retire from Ukraine Putin, I AM READY, and I WILL press the nuclear button... ohhh f*ck, i've dropped it... where's the damned button gone?

[NutLoose]

Thumbs up for Adventure..

[NutLoose]

And I am ready for my first 30,000ft ham shank...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/615x331/image_08dc7636f95a870405422a93fe690cf0cbbc2a77.png

[NutLoose]

And they shot me dead centre through my helmet, but missed my brain entirely...

[NutLoose]

And abracadabra your card is the Queen of Spa... bugger, i've lost it..

[NutLoose]

Yes, fuel prices are going up and up, and as the PM I should know, you won't believe how much this joll...ermmm cough, cough.... training exercise is costing you in just fuel alone..

[NutLoose]

Sky News here Prime Minister, have you got your little Union Jack flags to wave as you bang out?

[NutLoose]

I thought you were all grounded because of ejection seat cartridge problems meaning the seats won't operate Captain?
No, mine and the wingmans have been changed PM...

[cavuman1]

Thunderbird 1 is GO!

- Ed

[NutLoose]

So when we had the severe leaks at No10, like the little dutch boy I stuck my thumb in the dike to show I intended to stop the leaks, I can tell you, she was not happy about it.....


..

[NutLoose]

Out of missiles, switching to thumbs....

[treadigraph]

Right, refuelled and on way to le Maison Cummings for some target practice...

[Dan Gerous]

Does my hair look alright in this?

[cynicalint]

I've been thumbing a lift home for hours but not one person has stopped yet!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Jeez, if this thing gives me Helmet Hair, I will stick my thumb right up his...APU exhaust..."

[Buster Hyman]

I’d just like to take this opportunity to announce that I’ve joined the board of new start up Bonza Airlines!

[treadigraph]

Its great. No bloody Carrie moaning at me about not being carbon neutral. Mind you, there'll be hell to pay when I get home...

[fdr]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/615x331/image_08dc7636f95a870405422a93fe690cf0cbbc2a77.png

Even in a helmet and mask my rakish good looks shine through said the disheveled former yokel from #10.

Being that his thick hide met MIL SPEC MIL-G-181188B, he is able to save on nomex flying gloves.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

No no no Mav! It's inverted and the middle finger.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Isn't the job of the RAF to keep guys named Boris away from positions like that?

[treadigraph]

We've gone up tiddly up up.... there's a bloody good bar in the mess at Coningsby!

[Ascend Charlie]

"When we land, you're all invited back to a party at No. 10!"

[Confusious]

"When we land, you're all invited back to a party at No. 10!"
We'll call it a defence strategy meeting. How does that sound chaps?

[Buster Hyman]

Totally forgetting his Ancient Roman gestures, Boris accidentally gives the signal to shoot down Voyager!

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption but am stuck in Ireland negotiations are taking place to get home so judging will be delayed till tonight UK or Ireland time depending on where we get to. ..
There are worse places to get stranded for 24 hours 😁

[Wensleydale]

Boris gives the go-ahead for tax relief on haircuts...

[NutLoose]

We’re running out of breathing oxygen Boris, I’m just going to switch you over to an empty tank.

[treadigraph]

Prime Minister, did you say boom Wee Nic's place or bomb it?

[Confusious]

Boris, do you remember that stall turn you did over Brexit?...

[Chu Chu]

Receiving confirmation that Kiltrash remains outside Great Britain, Johnson congratulates the Irish Sea blockade force.

[Dan Gerous]

And thanks to Brexit, when you come to replace your flying clobber, the new kit will be "Passport Blue".

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption, however I think I could have used this for the picture..

Ok everyone I know you are interested in my adventure however all I am legally allowed to say is that " what goes on tour stays on tour "
but I am allowed by SWMBO is to recommend a wedding in the Emerald Isle...

ps Many thanks to Ryanair for being considerate with our delayed travel, and thank God for Travel Insurance,,,
So i'm home now and will judge in a few minutes...
Wait one

[Kiltrash]

This G-Suit is squeezing my balls.

Yes Boris, that's 2G. We'll now break off and try a loop.

Wins Confusious first prize this round with a runner up of Chu Chu with,,

Receiving confirmation that Kiltrash remains outside Great Britain, Johnson congratulates the Irish Sea blockade force.

Congrats Confusious and PM sent

[Confusious]

Wins Confusious first prize this round with a runner up of Chu Chu with,,

Congrats Confusious and PM sent

Thanks you Kiktrash,

As a newbie a great accolade. I'll give it my best shot soonest.

C

[Confusious]

Here we go all,

Enjoy this one to start the new week.

C.
https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x344/airforce_navy_collaboration_the_13_funniest_military_memes_t his_week_54368339_48935176d30ba440e82868c050d3a48d1ab4685b.p ng

[Wensleydale]

The Admiral is now having to explain "Tail Slice"...

[Wensleydale]

The USS Trump starts its maiden voyage.

[Wensleydale]

Bit of a swing on landing, Hoskins.

[Wensleydale]

The Navy was used to deploy the Royal Green Jackets.

[Wensleydale]

The Navy begins its Lieutenant Commander tournament (they don't have majors in the Navy).

[Hydromet]

When they told Hoskins to land on the green, he put a hole in one.

[Buster Hyman]

And if we need sand traps, we park it off Aqaba…

[Buster Hyman]

Oh, we always get to play through for some reason…

[Ascend Charlie]

The Admiral is feeling a bit below par this morning.

[Wensleydale]

The only golf course where it is unlucky to shoot an Albatross!

[treadigraph]

Why have we stopped, sailor?

The bunkers are full of sand, Admiral...

[treadigraph]

We've Rear Admiral Alan Shepard to thank for this - having played a shot on the moon...

[treadigraph]

Young man, don't think the Admiral hasn't noticed that every time he tees off you raise the barrier...

[Buster Hyman]

This FOD walk will be a Nightmare!

[Kiltrash]

What HMS King Andrew would gave looked like

[Kiltrash]

Supply officer forgot to order " more Balls "

[Kiltrash]

Little known fact was that Adm Nimitz 2nd cousin 3 times removed was a Champion Golfer

[treadigraph]

Landing Officer! Put those bats away, man, this is a game of golf!

[treadigraph]

Who just landed a Tomcat on my fairway?

[Ascend Charlie]

Trump: "I missed that putt because Maverick did another low pass! I am taking that as sinking the putt!"
Everybody else: "Lying cheating bastard..."

[OMAAbound]

Here we go all,

Enjoy this one to start the new week.

C.
https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x344/airforce_navy_collaboration_the_13_funniest_military_memes_t his_week_54368339_48935176d30ba440e82868c050d3a48d1ab4685b.p ng

After telling him numerous times, Mike Pence finally plucks up the courage to tell Donald that 18 holes wasn't possible!

OMAA

[Kiltrash]

Due to Global peace breaking out the Carriers were repurposed as Cruise ships. This one features a full 18 hole Golf Course. However the Entertainment director did say the highlight was the Bosun chair during a RAS...

[Kiltrash]

At Skegness the Crazy Golf suddenly proved to be the most popular attraction.

[Kiltrash]

The Captain of Hermes ' lost '4 of his Bird(s)ies while steering a Zig Zag course.

[Kiltrash]

Chinese voice...
No as we approach Taiwan the American satellites will report it's the Minsk on its sea trials. Then like in Chicago we press this button and the flight deck rotates to reveal the Fighters ..

[Kiltrash]

LIV Golf struggles to find courses willing to host their tournament, till the 12mile limit is suggested, especially as the players don't need a local airport to get their private jets to.

[treadigraph]

Why are those two ratings hitting each other with their 9-irons?

It's Golf War Syndrome sir.

[treadigraph]

This is all well and good but where's the 19th hole?

It's just over there on the USS Shiloh... We use an MH-60 as a taxi...

[Chu Chu]

The innovative green deck was carbon-neutral and reduced storm water runoff by 80%.

[NutLoose]

Wildcat? No, we only operate a Lynx

[Buster Hyman]

Keptin! I see the American Carrier in Periscope!
Okay Vassilli....one Ping only...

[Kiltrash]

Well no we are expecting a Premier League Football club.....and they all love their golf
or
Well no we follow the Royal Yaght Britannina so when Andy fancies playing around we're here and ready..
but don't you know it's retired and parked up in Leith?
Yes well Scotland is the home* of golf.
* no matter what the cousins may say

[Kiltrash]

Wayne Radar Riley voice
...and welcome you join me just as the 2 finalist are on the 18th green, the Captain has just tapped in leaving the Admiral with a tricky 5 footer ( also known as a Denis Wise ) to win the hole, match, tournament and bragging rights....AND THE CAPTAIN HAS CONCEADED IT...

[treadigraph]

That's one helluva water hazard, Captain...

[fitliker]

The new Blofeld yachts primary function was cleverly disguised as a floating casino and golf course . The subterfuge might have worked but for the delays in launching due to the ice cream machines in the galley not functioning due to a nasty version of the stuxnet virus that would not let the ice cream machines work past breakfast time . A simple repairman and recently retired RN commander spotted the ships disguise while attempting to fix the chocolate twisty infusion device in the ice cream parlour /armoury .

[Confusious]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x344/airforce_navy_collaboration_the_13_funniest_military_memes_t his_week_54368339_bc69f18811715a97fa399a0f5d9583e2e9cbb653.p ng

[Kiltrash]

At Skegness due to Global Warming the council look for ways to protect the Crazy Golf from sea level rises.

[Kiltrash]

Yes the SS Downing Street is a bit rudderless these days.

[Kiltrash]

Having checked the order the Captain discovered the dock workers has not used Battleship Grey paint as requested. Knew we should have not trusted to the cheapest bid...Trotters Painters..of New York, Paris, Peckham.

[Kiltrash]

Damm good paint job Hoskins, can't see the F35

[treadigraph]

I was thinking about how best to reduce the visibility of our fleet and at the same time examining demands by the green-lobby to make the Navy more ecologically sound, when it suddenly occurred to me how to meet both considerations...

[Dan Gerous]

You can "Green Wash" all you want, it's still Nuclear.

[ShyTorque]

Now that’s what you call a “FORE” deck…

[cynicalint]

The wardroom went overboard on the golf-themed cockers-P decorations

[Chu Chu]

Hiring that camouflage designer looks like it was a mistake, even if the Air Force did say he walked on water.

[Chu Chu]

Hold on, Hoskins. You put what in our last budget proposal?

You said we needed to win some turf, Sir.

[Kiltrash]

On the PA...
Damage control..... there are 18 Holes in the flight deck

[Kiltrash]

At the fitting out stage Hull 69 received all the Hull 96 kit.... I was just following orders said site foreman, Mr MCGoo

[Kiltrash]

This is just the practice ground, you should see the full size version

[treadigraph]

In the Navy! You can sink a putt or three...
In the Navy! You can sign on as a cadd-ee...

[treadigraph]

I didn't know Rod Stewart played golf.

He doesn't but he's set up a helluva model railway on the hangar deck...

[cynicalint]

USS Bunkerhill brought out of retirement.

[NutLoose]

Oiiih.. Put that hose down, don't you know there is a ban in place due to a water shortage..

[Chu Chu]

Don’t the cats interrupt play? Yes, but the biggest problem is what they leave in the bunkers.

[cavuman1]

The radarman exclaimed: "There are bogeys all over the place!"

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

The Magnet Anglers were shocked at what was pulled out the river.

[Kiltrash]

Crank up the reactor to FULL power, we need it for the desalination plant....and the hospitality ice cubes

[Kiltrash]

The radarman exclaimed: "There are bogeys all over the place!"

- Ed

no sorry, I sneezed

[Kiltrash]

The Helicopters are used to dry the morning dew off the fairways....obvious in'it

[fdr]

And just like that, the phrase "grass cutting" took on a new nuance.

[Dan Gerous]

It's so the politicians can use service helicopters to go golfing, without the pesky press nosing around.

[Confusious]

Starting to dry up much like our reservoirs, but no caption competition bans will ever be enforced. Results at about 18:00 UTC tomorrow.

[Confusious]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x344/airforce_navy_collaboration_the_13_funniest_military_memes_t his_week_54368339_24ca9685d117adc221c0b73485245767e8f66a40.p ng

[Self loading bear]

CVN-77 renamed to honor both father and son.
“The Bushes”

[cynicalint]

Hoskins inadvertently swapped the airfield and carrier camouflage plans...

[NutLoose]

It’s surf and turf.

[NutLoose]

I hate the greens, the damned thing is pitching all over the place.

[NutLoose]

And we modified the nuclear wash down system into sprinklers.

[Ascend Charlie]

Outsourcing the construction of a "green" aircraft carrier to Hyundai, had interesting results, and the requirement to carry their logo.

[treadigraph]

Where's Hoskins? I thought he teed off hours ago...

He was a bit late on the round...

[Kiltrash]

As CVN68 Sailed into well deserved retirement, it did what many retirees do, and took up Golf.

[Kiltrash]

What's the conditions like??
" Rough" ...works on both levels.

[Kiltrash]

Due to local regulations the ship was disguised to ensure safe passage through the Suez Canal...

[Kiltrash]

At the Family day before deployment later it was discovered all the Sandcastles made by the children.

[Kiltrash]

Helmsman....Captain she's not responding to commands sir...she's got a mind of her own, I cant control her ....

Captain....muses, Just like my wife.

[Kiltrash]

Unused closing scene from Top Gun 1 when as a reward for downing 3 Mig28, Mav
takes up golf as his next deployment..

right i'm off for another retiree round of golf, at least my course will be where I left it on Monday 😁

[Kiltrash]

To his playing partner...
When you invited me for a game at a Links course on the sea, this isn't quite what I expected. ..

[Wensleydale]

The first mate needed to practise for his Master's.



After Open Skies, the Navy went for Open Seas.

[622]

...And as the latest addition to the fleet, I introduce the USS Donald Trump..

[NutLoose]

Meanwhile back on the quayside.

Ok I have got this, distance to the green 150 Yds..155 Yds..200 Yds... Bugger...

[NutLoose]

It's the damned Harriers, they said they only operate out in the field.

[Dan Gerous]

I said Lynx, not links!

[cavuman1]

LSO - "Call the Ball!"
Pilot - "Titleist 1!"

- Ed

[Confusious]

Lots of first class entries.

Tough call but with an admirable hole in one the winner is:
NutLoose
I hate the greens, the damned thing is pitching all over the place.

And with a very commanding birdie the runner-up is:
Kiltrash
Well no we follow the Royal Yaght Britannina so when Andy fancies playing around we're here and ready..
but don't you know it's retired and parked up in Leith?
Yes well Scotland is the home* of golf.
* no matter what the cousins may say

Congratulations NutLoose, the baton is duly passed to you.

[NutLoose]

Oooohh thank you :)
I wasn't to sure about using this with what is going on, but if you want it changing let me know.


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x575/image_81_d29262f0f68a454fa1c5140ec13d01dd8792d017.png

[treadigraph]

Excuse me young man, does this bus go to Heckmondwike?

[Confusious]

Excuse me Olga, do you know where the nearest Green Flag Rescue depot is?

No, but I have some white flags at home which may be of more use to you soon.

[622]

No we can't give you a lift to the shops!!

[Kiltrash]

Later they discovered it was only a ticking alarm clock in her shopping bag.

[Kiltrash]

Nutty seeks armoured protection from a irate Mrs Buster when (s)he found who was the latest recipient of the Cap Comp trophy

[Kiltrash]

No I don't know how many points a " Z" is worth in the Russian version of Scrabble

[Kiltrash]

Rishi goes to extreme lengths not to have a debate with Liz

[Kiltrash]

Lady, I believe you did not pay the 10 Zelotny charge for that bag in Army and Navy

[Kiltrash]

I'll stop after this one and get back to the Leisure Swim....well gotta keep cool in the Heatwave. ..with

Driver ..No I Bloody well don't look like the NAFFI

[Hydromet]

Don't worry, driver, there'll be a tractor along for you shortly.

[Confusious]

Have you got some of the Zombies from the Kremiln in there young man?

[622]

A 99 with extra sprinkles and chocolate sauce please.

[Confusious]

Oooh, would you like me to touch up your Z?

[Buster Hyman]

Where’s Olga? She’s sick today so I’m looking after her corner…

[Buster Hyman]

You’re not heading to Moscow? Oh, I’m sorry young man, but it says OZ on your truck so I thought you were looking for the yellow pricks road!

[Buster Hyman]

I’ve got more seeds for your pockets….

[treadigraph]

You are looking for the minefield? Take the next left, straight on for about a mile and turn in through the farm gate opposite the Coca Cola advert - you can't miss it. The mines are at the far end...

[Kiltrash]

Driver asks...If this the way to Croydon??
Lady? Replies....Oh No Dearie, this is the A38 for Bideford, you want the A23 for Croydon, and when you see the Weatherspoons call in for a Mr Treadigraph and he'll show you the way

Inspiration from a Monty Python sketch.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTLeBybJhSo

[fitliker]

The lot lizards have been coming out of retirement to welcome troops , unfortunately not the overpaid oversexed over here legions , just the poor troops with borscht and vodka . Oh well they have to make a living after the pension cuts required to support the tax cuts for the oligarchs .

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x575/image_81_d29262f0f68a454fa1c5140ec13d01dd8792d017_bcabba7917 64d1fb9e770b737a0acb9335c3f628.png

[morton]

No you can’t go on holiday to the Ukraine with your friends. Get down this minute and finish your paper round!

[Confusious]

You nearly ran me over, why didn't you stop?

Sorry mam, we've been told to go sparingly on the brakes.

[Dan Gerous]

Two 99's, a Mivvi and a Slushy please.

[Kiltrash]

No you can't change this, it's my 15 minutes of fame

[Kiltrash]

Petrol?, no Petrol here, but I can do you a nice line in Potato soup

[Kiltrash]

Well it's not my fault your sweltering in a 45 deg Heatwave in your hermetically sealed armoured truck....Should have invaded in the winter,...
then you'll know why we all use donkeys and horses.

[MPN11]

“Would you mind moving? I’m trying to cross the road.”

[Wensleydale]

If You're Zorro, then I'm Catherine Zeta Jones..

[Confusious]

Why have you driven all the way to Ukraine to film the remake of Z Cars?

[treadigraph]

I'll have three pints of gold top and have you any butter please?

[Wensleydale]

Morrisons resumes deliveries in Liverpool..

[Kiltrash]

What Johnseys butchers van Should have looked like.

[Kiltrash]

You and whose Denver Boot?.... I Park where I want.

[treadigraph]

Granville! Don't tell me Mr Arkwright's got you doing deliveries in this?

Aye, he has Mrs Featherstone, but when he sees the fuel bill I think he'll say something that rhymes with bucket...

[Kiltrash]

While being sidetracked by the local beauty, they did not notice the mischievous little scamp letting down the tyres..

[Confusious]

I'll have three pints of gold top and have you any butter please?

NOT A CAPTION
I'd like to say that I don't remember any of this but perhaps Z Cars has given that away. 🤔

[Confusious]

Errrm, it looks like you have a nut loose.
Not yet, but our mission is to capture him and the others from the PPRuNe Batallion. They keep taking sneaky photographs of us, then making jokes to laugh about us and our great leader.

[cavuman1]

A couple more Z's and the guys in back will be sound asleep. Or bumblebees.

- Ed

[NutLoose]

NOT A CAPTION
I'd like to say that I don't remember any of this but perhaps Z Cars has given that away. 🤔

Most places still sell it, you have to look.

https://www.grahamsfamilydairy.com/our-products/category/gold-top/

[Chu Chu]

No. It's up and to the right. And you have to lift the little collar under the shift knob.

[Flyer 1492]

Here's your bag of underarm deodorant, now bugger off!!!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Yes, this is the first of the armoured school buses ordered by Texas, but we can't get it on a boat due to the embargo!"


(ducks for cover...)

[Kiltrash]

Barnard Castle?? No sorry that's not local round here Mr Cummins.

[Kiltrash]

Proof Positive that the Russian Army have female drivers, ...I mean have you ever known a man to stop and ask for directions ??

[Kiltrash]

' Hamster ' Hammond takes his latest Riot Control purchase for a quiet trip to his mate ' Capain Slow ' May

[Kiltrash]

Yes I know that Mrs Miggins at no 58 has
a spare bed in her B&B in Salisbury
or
Does not have a TV Licence

[Self loading bear]

M’dam, did I see you pissing on my front tire?

Damn right I did and if you don’t get the hell out of here I will sh!t on your rear as well.
You are blocking my route to the toilet.


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[Kiltrash]

Your here to take part in Eurovision? ? Not round here it is'nt.

[treadigraph]

NOT A CAPTION
I'd like to say that I don't remember any of this but perhaps Z Cars has given that away. 🤔
Ashamed to say that though I live directly opposite a dairy, I've no idea how their milk is capped these days... Z Cars? Was renamed The Bill wasn't it? :}

[treadigraph]

Taxi! Do you take cash?

Sorry luv, contactless only...

Oh bother!

[Confusious]

No, I'm not giving you a tip.
Bloody Zuber drivers, always late!

[622]

Don't tell her your name Pikeski!

[622]

It's ok Sir ....she's a lovely little lady who says we can have her bag of apples.......and not to worry about the ticking!

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x575/image_9e364ee53df3a726c3d2a9c4411190fb489a1418.png

[Chu Chu]

Sleeper Cell Kherson carries on boldly with the only weapons it has. If only Liaison Officer Hoskins would send anti-tank weapons instead of relatives-by-marriage.

[Kiltrash]

After the horrific accident at the last race, F1 bosses showcase the latest driver protection.

[Kiltrash]

Having landed at Kiev and collected his hire car it was felt Hoskins would be safer with a free upgrade.

[Kiltrash]

Have you got a ladder i can use? You can clearly see I'm a proper lady and can't manage that first step....
or
Bloody Aeroflot, send presidential transport without proper stairs.

[Thud_and_Blunder]

The decision by 'Thule' to change the test vehicle for their new range of top-boxes comes in for some justified criticism.

[Buster Hyman]

Oscar Piastri! You come down here at once! I told you to drive the Renault not this piece of ****!

[Kiltrash]

The golf course?? No sorry dearie that boat sailed last week

[Kiltrash]

In your minds eye substitute the Z for the Met Police logo...

No sorry I did not know that during Lockdown i could not take my exercise with my little friend Uzi.

I'LL just dispose of her in that river

[Big Pistons Forever]

From the truck cab. Vladimir, GET US OUT OF HERE, there is a Ukrainian hostile at our 8 O’clock !

[treadigraph]

Sergei: Urgent assistance required Control, we are being attacked! With a handbag!

Deminski Edithsky Evansky (aka Control): A haaaandbaaaag?

[cynicalint]

Hello soldier! Looking for a good time?

[cynicalint]

Oh dear! I was rather hoping you were the soldier who promised to rape everyone. Never mind, I'll look elsewhere then.....

[Confusious]

Young man, you just went straight through a red light.

Us soldiers never pass a red light without stopping dear.

[treadigraph]

Oi! You've parked on my dog!

[NutLoose]

Do you want this to run over the weekend or for me to end it early?

[Confusious]

Do you want this to run over the weekend or for me to end it early?
Olga said to Oleg. :)

[Confusious]

Do you want this to run over the weekend or for me to end it early?
No, seriously NutLoose I don't mind either way. See what the others say.

[Chu Chu]

She may look harmless, but you should see what happened to vehicles A through Y.

[Kiltrash]

Ugh, and some people say I have no dress sense

said the lady spotting the drivers combat gear
or
said Kiltrash on his annual TA exercise

[Kiltrash]

In Croydon the UBER drivers seek a more secure vehicle in time for the Friday night pub chucking out time.

[Kiltrash]

Well no ever since we trucked water in this there's not been a lorry hijack.

[Kiltrash]

I wish Nutty would hurry up, at my age I can't go all this time without a toilet break. 😊

[Kiltrash]

More evidence, of it was needed, the BBC monitor PPRuNe

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/540x960/screenshot_2022_08_13_20_33_41_5b84d86df817158ae6fb004700e04 7d41827190f.png

[Big Pistons Forever]

Didn't your mother teach you how to park ? You are taking up 5 parking spaces !

[NutLoose]

Ok will call it Sunday :)

[Chu Chu]

Never on a Sunday.

[Buster Hyman]

Sonny, if I had a dollar for every time someones asked me about Chinese retreads....

[NutLoose]

Never on a Sunday.


Why? Do I make it Monday then?

[Kiltrash]

Sonny have you seen my pussy? Tiddles , your loud engine scared her out the house....
Driver...ah was she short black furry with wide open scared eyes?? If so, not seen her at all.

[Kiltrash]

The Paris-Dakar?? .. no you should have turned right at Gibraltar

[Kiltrash]

No I'm sorry we are Orthodox in this part, we don't make any serious descissions on a Sunday

[Dan Gerous]

You'll have to pay the Crimea congestion charge to get through here now.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x575/image_9e364ee53df3a726c3d2a9c4411190fb489a1418.png

[Wensleydale]

The Russians soon learned to fear the Ukrainian Mother 'NLAW.

[Chu Chu]

[Not a caption]

My last post was a caption (think Melina Mercouri and Jules Dassin).

[Kiltrash]

The new car for the Manchester United Manager is delivered to Carrington

[Kiltrash]

My, Kate Adie has not aged well...
( for those not in the know Kate was a senior war correspondent with BBC and as such was well known for turning up in areas of strife round the World. )
Afghanistan , Ethiopia, Croydon etc ..

[DirtyProp]

Say, have you got a loo in there? I left my diapers home and I really have to go...

[DirtyProp]

"Well, you're not exactly the one I was expecting."
"Young lad, I'll have you know that I was Miss Kherson in 1938!"

[treadigraph]

You've broken down? Well gentlemen, it's a long walk back to Moscow and it's that way. Good morning...

[NutLoose]

Ok Scoring time, slightly delayed so as not to fall on a Sunday. Some excellent entries, I hope you liked the picture.

Mine would have been

I don't give a **** where you have come from, you are taking up 5 parking bays, so that will be 446 hryvnia please.

So do you do group rates?

So you want to get your feet wet and into something moist, I suggest you try driving over the bridge..





But alas the winner of the CST trophy IS

1st Morton with

No you can’t go on holiday to the Ukraine with your friends. Get down this minute and finish your paper round!

2nd Dan with

You'll have to pay the Crimea congestion charge to get through here now.

Runner up Cynicalint with

Oh dear! I was rather hoping you were the soldier who promised to rape everyone. Never mind, I'll look elsewhere then.....

[DaveReidUK]

Runner up Cynicalint with

Oh dear! I was rather hoping you were the soldier who promised to rape everyone. Never mind, I'll look elsewhere then.....

Second place is a bit unfair - it takes real skill to combine ageism, sexism and misogynism in a single punchline ...

[NutLoose]

Errrrr, it's a competition and it is black humour that the military thrive on, it is in no way intended as anything else, and it can be read two ways, if you are so put out, perhaps you should try to enter your own PC correct entries, ohhh and while we are at it he was not second.

[MPN11]

now now now then now then ….Pax Vobiscum.

[Kiltrash]

Now now children please confine your spat to the school playground. ..Well done Morton

[morton]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/995x768/pprune_220815_spitfire_5b9a9aaf019fd205ff8686180dbe7a6b33ca6 f0c.jpg
Thank Nutloose, here is my offering

[MPN11]

"Sorry, Sir ... it was Hoskins, of course"

[MPN11]

Not a Caption ... and eventually ...


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/2000x1695/scan_5189018cda0d51acc308eb92855c89522c5142ca.jpeg

[Wensleydale]

OK..Who forgot the pine poles?

[MPN11]

OK..Who forgot the pine poles?

"Bearer ... Jali Jali"

[NutLoose]

I don’t understand, I thought he was a blanket stacker.

He is, but when he brings a lady back he tells them he'’s a pilot and "oh that, I often park my kite on the lawn", he swears it works.



..

[NutLoose]

With the Butts being out of use, are you sure the AOC won’t mind us using his house to synchronise the guns? It will make a bit of a mess.

[treadigraph]

It's Leslie Howard's house sir. We are going to give him "Spits fire"...

[Dan Gerous]

Hang on a minute chaps, we'll need some WRAF's to sit on the tailplane before we can move off.

[Dan Gerous]

And as you can clearly see from MPN11's pics, they'll install an electric fence to stop it wandering off.

[treadigraph]

You should see where the other Focke ended up...

[cynicalint]

Quick, turn it into a Gate-Guard and the AOC will never realise we crashed it!

[MPN11]

“It’s stuck … where’s Nutloose?”

[Kiltrash]

How does it take off sir? ?
Simples stand it on its tail and run up to Mil Power...

[Kiltrash]

Well did not think the planning permission at Coningsby would come through so swiftly

[Kiltrash]

Captain Eric Brown sometimes forgot exactly where he left every plane he flew.

[MPN11]

Illegal parking at RAF Changi was never tolerated.

[MPN11]

“Stop, chaps … they want it outside No. 31, not No. 33.”

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins, when I said we needed to add a wing to the building. . .