Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Trooper on right looking at HRH back

Call that a smart hair cut, the Sarge would have me on a charge for that. Sooner the UK gets to be a Republic the better....

[Kiltrash]

You designed this yourself? Well I am impressed, Let my wife give you Mr Johnson "s number and let's see if he can get them manufactured for free for you in Britain.

[NutLoose]

Mourning badge? Who are you mourning fo...arrrrrghhhhh guuuuurrrr arrrrghhh.

[NutLoose]

You can’t call it a black maple leaf anymore sir, it’s a maple leaf of colour.

[NutLoose]

I find when I need to stand rigidly to attention, viagra does the trick.

[MPN11]

Soldier on right ... "Don't tell him, Pike!"

[treadigraph]

You must be a fan of the Rolling Stones. I think ER in doors knighted young fellah-me-lad what's his name? Jagged! Or was it Lee Van Cliff Richards?

[Wensleydale]

That's a big badge. Isn't it heavy on the arm?

[Buster Hyman]

Righto! I think the official period of mourning can desist.

In Third place with the "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" award...
"I didn't always want to be a Naval Officer...I wanted to be a Lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree..........."

In Second place with the "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves." award...
"No I am not Geoffrey Boycott!"

But our winner, and CST recipient with the "I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family." award is...
Having "let Fluffy off the chain", naughty boy HRH Philip uses his Panama hat to propel the noxious vapors toward the unsuspecting victim behind him.

[cavuman1]

Wow! Thank you so much Buster Hyman! I shall fill the trophy with gin and tonic so that we may pass it to one another, Loving Cup style, to toast Prince Philip. Picture soon; I have a couple of items on the honey do list to complete first.

- Ed

[cavuman1]

Alright, to Heck with performing the tasks ordered by my long-haired Commander-in-Chief. I might trip over the vacuum cleaner cord and break my beer mug holding hand!

Speaking of CinC's and, err, "missteps", have a go at this "historical (Hysterical?) moment". The 747-200B/VC25A provides the requisite aviation content.


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/992x546/biden_trips_00461df829ac37fe9cd76e1b321e2265e75ab75e.jpg

- Ed

[Beamr]

Hey, Donald dropped a penny!

[Kiltrash]

Who pressed the EMERGENCY STOP button on the escalator

[Kiltrash]

My favourite song said Joe. Stairway to Heaven

[Kiltrash]

Ms Harris sabotaged the stairs with slippery Grease.

[Kiltrash]

Later the Secret Service arranged a Sobriety Test....for the Pilot.

[Kiltrash]

Having overnighted at Liverpool Airport it was later discovered steps 13 to16 were missing.

[Dan Gerous]

No wonder the stair lift isn't working, there's a dead hamster jamming it.

[Dan Gerous]

It says "Buddy Holly was here"

[NutLoose]

Hey I’ve found Donald’s tin of orange glo.

[NutLoose]

So that’s why they call the carpet a Wilton.

[treadigraph]

I hadn't realised POTUS meant being part of a Hal Needham film...

[Ascend Charlie]

"Awright, which Trump supporter tied my shoelaces together??"

[NutLoose]

I tripped on the rug, bloody thing, judging by the colour it’s one of Trumps rugs.

[Buster Hyman]

Here's my Ass Georgia, kiss it goodbye!

[NutLoose]

Technically it’s not the vomit comet until he boards her.

[NutLoose]

Damn,and after all those little runs at each election rally to show I’m fit and able..


..

[NutLoose]

Damned dropped contact lens, oh heck there goes my hearing aid too and ballcocks, my false teeth as well.

[treadigraph]

Owwwww! Heck, I can't even remember why I'm going upstairs anyway...

[Wensleydale]

"We.re going up to New England for the Fall".

[Kiltrash]

Bloody dog hairs on the carpet, still, in Mexico should pick up another cleaner cheaply

[Kiltrash]

With lightning fast reflexes, dodged the assassin's bullet. Damm missed said Trump.

[Kiltrash]

The Director called 'cut' as the stuntman successfully fell down, " Mr Cruise, your Wanted back on set..."

[Kiltrash]

I know how stupid you feel, Said Mr Kinnock

[Wensleydale]

POTUS threw himself at the floor...and missed.

[Kiltrash]

Old folks charity uses this as a example of why the elderly should live in bungalows

[Kiltrash]

Stannah Stairlift new advertising campaign goes viral

[Wensleydale]

During his election campaign, POTUS informed the people that he was full of Wisdom. Sadly it turned out to be Norman Wisdom.

[treadigraph]

Have a good trip Mr President, oh....

[Buster Hyman]

"Err, okay...he didn't make it up. Lets just drive him there."
"Roger, callsign changed to Stairforce One"

[Wensleydale]

POTUS: Photograph Of Trip Up Stairs.

[Kiltrash]

Did not think the trial of a Osprey landing at the Hospital would be put into practice so quickly

[Kiltrash]

Just knew appointing Hoskins as the airstair driver was a mistake


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/992x546/biden_trips_00461df829ac37fe9cd76e1b321e2265e75ab75e.jpg

[Kiltrash]

FDOTUS ( x2) spots Larry the cat at the Presidential welcome at Stansted. No sorry it was Mr Johnson hair.

[treadigraph]

(Voice off camera) "Who is Cecilia?"

[Kiltrash]

The originator of ' 40612 ' graffiti is finally revealed

Ps my first sighting at Mildenhall was '74 ish and I wondered about who for years

[treadigraph]

Tread carefully Mr President, a caption contest winner has been spotted nearby...

[NutLoose]

It gets a bit much when the President is expected to sweep his own VIP carpet.

[NutLoose]

Bloody dog turds, now where’s my plastic bags.

[NutLoose]

Jeez, he’s been on the inflight refuelling again.

[NutLoose]

Donald stands on his tie.

[treadigraph]

No, no Mr President, it's just the one knee...

[NutLoose]

I hear it was the duke trying to add one more to his logbook.

[Wensleydale]

"I do wish that he would stop trying to up-skirt the stewardesses!"

[Kiltrash]

On President Biden's first trip overseas to Mexico City, well not strictly overseas as the flight was all over land, but i digress. After a excellent meeting with the country's leaders about tearing down Trumps wall. Biden boarded onto Air Force 1 for the flight back to Washington.
That's set the scene so on with the Caption....
As Biden gets on the aircraft he discovers a nose bleed due to altitude, Co Pilot requests a flight level change to FL040...

[Kiltrash]

After seeing this picture, The Secret Service requests to all airports that AF1 use a Jet Bridge.
Bang goes the plan to land in Newquay.

[Kiltrash]

At Walter Reed Hospital, the Surgeon that had previously replaced Biden's knees winced, and thought of the extra income coming his way.

[cavuman1]

NOT A CAPTION
Democrat or Republican, Labour or Conservative, Green or Unaffiliated, Gravity or Anti-Gravity, you lot are doing your usual fantastic and funny job! :D

What say Ye that we call this one on Sunday, 25 March at or about 1500 hrs. GMT, or before if I get called on the carpet? (SWIDT?)

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Bloody COVID jab, what a time to get blood clots.

[NutLoose]

The silver surfer misses the third covid wave

[NutLoose]

We’d better add old folk to the banned list on using the Peleton treadmill.


..

[Kiltrash]

Biden rescues another dog however after this failure, gets sent back to Guide Dog School.

[Kiltrash]

Having never before flown in a B747, Biden was surprised at the height of the steps.

[Kiltrash]

This shortage of breath due to Covid, sure comes on quick.

[treadigraph]

I thought this thing was built at Everett not Everest...

[treadigraph]

Presidential Command No 213: Formation of a new military force. Air Mobility Scooter.

[Ascend Charlie]

Damn Donald left a Bunnings onion on the steps!

[NutLoose]

DROP AND GIVE ME FIVE YOU SONOFABITCH!! USMC pfc Shultz, honor guard, knew he shouldn’t have, but heck it was fun.

[cattletruck]

Missed it by that much.

[NutLoose]

Donald smiles when he realises the old fishing wire across the step trick worked.

[NutLoose]

Washington to Baltimore was just a short trip.

[Kiltrash]

Kamala Harris did not expect to become the next President so soon into Biden's Presidency.
However the celebrations were soon caught short

[Kiltrash]

Having had several beers to many at the after Inauguration party, President Biden makes his way home carefully. Discovers his wife had changed the locks and he slept on the steps.

[Kiltrash]

Commander-in-chief shows troops half his age that he would not send them anywhere he was not willing to go to.
Even Chicago

[NutLoose]

Et Tu Potus?

[Kiltrash]

The Republican Senator accompanying President Biden issues a promise that lessons would be identified to prevent a re occurrence

[Kiltrash]

The smell of fresh cooked Sunday morning bacon wafting down the stairs from the galley enticed the old man to hurry just a little too much. ...

[Kiltrash]

Biden rushes back to Washington after winning at Mar a Lago resort before Trump finds out he lost at golf as well.

[cavuman1]

I might have gone with something like “Hoping to become Pope after his term as President, Joe practices genuflection…”, or “The Prez keeps ‘em in stitches with his dead cat imitation.”

Alright then! Votes are in, stuffed, validated, and counted and we can declare a winner! Only eight total candidates in this race, all of whom ran excellent campaigns and contributed superbly.

Of special merit are Kiltrash with “Who pressed the EMERGENCY STOP button on the escalator?”, Nutloose opining “So that’s why they call the carpet a Wilton.” (This American had to use Google-Fu to learn of Wilton Carpet), Treadigraph scores with “I hadn't realized POTUS meant being part of a Hal Needham film…” (I actually appeared in the Hal Needham/Burt Reynolds movie Stroker Ace, the New York Times Must MISS feature of 1983!), and Ascend Charlie with “Damn Donald left a Bunnings onion on the steps!” (I had to research this one as well. Those sausages with onions looked delectable!)

But the new Stand Up Comic-elect is Nutty with “DROP AND GIVE ME FIVE YOU SONOFABITCH!! USMC pfc Shultz, honor guard, knew he shouldn’t have, but heck it was fun.” Comedic insolence writ large – summa cum laude, Sir! :D

Kamala LaLa Ding Dong will be over with the stolen CST after these messages!

- Ed :ok:

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/299x300/mid_000000_175603bf4c563d947bde7bac139fa5dcbc9467cf.jpg


Thank you :)
Ok Try this one, courtesy of the IWM

https://www.iwm.org.uk/collections/item/object/205189975

[treadigraph]

If you keep right at The Ascension, keep going straight and The Falklander should be a couple of thousand miles along on your right. If you see the South Georgia on your left, you've taken the wrong fork - take the next right and you can't miss it.

[Wensleydale]

The 4 Star hotel is out of the main gate, turn left and next to the traffic lights.

[Wensleydale]

That's the WAAF block on the left.

[Wensleydale]

Your target is on that hill. You don't have the fuel for one further away.

[Kiltrash]

Pilot...what are you wittering on about?

[Kiltrash]

I could hear you but some pratt left his engine running.....way over there

[Kiltrash]

No no from the Factory to Wisley all you have to do is follow the A3, watch for the Hanger left at Leatherhead...if you see the Ark in Portmouth you will be running on fumes.

[ShyTorque]

"It's quite a tricky target to find but don't worry; I'm going to sit on the steps and point the way!"

[Ascend Charlie]

"It's 4 cubits that way, sir!"
"I'm going to the Ark Royal, not the forking Ark Noah!"

[cattletruck]

Nigel: I don't get it, what's the beauty wax salon down the road got to do with my nose trim issue?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/299x300/mid_000000_175603bf4c563d947bde7bac139fa5dcbc9467cf_3b563046 227a08ba9ac3bfea9ee7fe5c7a62f489.jpg

[Hydromet]

...and this is where the cigarette lighter is located.

[Kiltrash]

Sharkey explains to David how he got 3 A4's with one missle.....

[Kiltrash]

Third star to the left and straight onto morning....and that's Amerillo ....

[Kiltrash]

No no thats London Bridge, you want Tower Bridge ...

[Longhitter]

...and then the swab goes up the left nostril, 2 inches in for 5 seconds, off to the lab and in an hour or so you should have a result.

[622]

Right Sir, last minute change to your target....it's that house over there in the married quarters belonging to Cpl Smith .....caught him with my wife last night!

[622]

"Sorry for the delay, is this your first posting Sir?"
"Yes, actually it is...how did you know?"
"Just a wild guess Sir, anyway...sorry, I don't have a 'long weight'....but try over there in the stores?"

[Kiltrash]

Why are you holding tbe map upside down ? Sir

In case I fly inverted
or
Upcoming tour to Australia
or
My cousin, Hoskins, is a Navigator says this is how it's done .
or
Is it??

[Kiltrash]

At Donna Nook, The Pilot lands to inspect the Barn Door.

[Kiltrash]

....and over there is the St Pancras Coal Yards. But please not Wednesday, That's washing day.

[622]

The maps were fairly good, but all the pilots knew it was much easier to just ask Capt Thomas Tom the way to the target.

[Buster Hyman]

...He's over there, in the USA.
No, I said Harri-err!

[Buster Hyman]

Sea Harrier? No, not here mate. Portsmouth's that way.

[MarcK]

If I were you, I wouldn't start from here.

[Dan Gerous]

No, that's the set for the security film Sir. If you follow Richard O Sullivan over there, he'll get you to the drugs.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/299x300/mid_000000_175603bf4c563d947bde7bac139fa5dcbc9467cf_3b563046 227a08ba9ac3bfea9ee7fe5c7a62f489.jpg

[Kiltrash]

If you could just settle your Mess Bill before taking off on a very dangerous mission. ,

or

Don't you remember scoring with section Officer Harvey and saying the drinks were on you??

[Kiltrash]

The cigarette in my outstretched hand? well the MO did tell me to stay far away from tobacco...

[Kiltrash]

Shouting, " Hey Sharkey, here's your wingman...David "

[treadigraph]

The mess sir? It's just there. Where you had your coffee 10 minutes ago...

[Out Of Trim]

The most dangerous thing on earth.

.

An H’Officer with a map! 😳😬

[treadigraph]

No 27? Just over there. Is that pizza you're delivering?

[cavuman1]

As the one-armed fisherman said "You should've been here yesterday - I caught one this big!"

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Buster speaking with Nutty, Please hold this and make it bigger ...

[treadigraph]

Yes, I know you don't actually need a runway but the missus has just hung out the washing and if you blast grass and dust all over her clean sheets once more, she'll clout me a vertical take off right in to orbit...

[Buster Hyman]

"....and it's just over there. Now, you're our Pilot for today?"
"No, I'm the Navigator"

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for letting me stand in front of your thingy, now all my girlfriends will think I'm a pilot and fawn over me and drop their knickers...
Now here's the helmet back and where did I park my dust cart? ?

[Kiltrash]

No no before we give you one of these you you need to be a steely eyed killer determined to protect Queen and Country. Now your Slingsby is just over there.....and remove that lip fuzz...

[Kiltrash]

Yes the Pilots of the 4 ship F-15 flight you bounced are just over there to your left. They want a word with you. The Front Gate is over there to your right ..

[Kiltrash]

No I don't think its a career stopper popping up from behind a hill as the Queens Flight Helicopter being Piloted behind the Duke of Edinburgh came past, nor is shouting Guns, Guns, Guns and claiming it as a kill.
You P60 is just over there.

[Kiltrash]

At Newquay Airport Hoskins was offered the chance to sit in tbe Museum 's Harrier and dream of being a Pilot. But dressing up in a G Suit and Mae West was a nerdy thing too far.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Specsavers? Over there..."

[Wensleydale]

Archery Club is that way...

[Ascend Charlie]

Long before the internet, Kiltrash thought of a fabulous last-minute CapComp entry before going flying, and needs to find a post-box, which the groundcrew says is "over there."

[andytug]

And that, Sir, is the Vulcan that will be dropping your bombs for you.....

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/299x300/mid_000000_175603bf4c563d947bde7bac139fa5dcbc9467cf_3b563046 227a08ba9ac3bfea9ee7fe5c7a62f489_47b60c0ce8b043dd5c1a7be618a 54de70b6a459d.jpg

[Beamr]

Sir, I do not care for how long your assignment at Falklands lasted, you were supposed to hand over your aircraft a decade ago at Fleet Air Arm Museum THAT WAY.

Or

Sir, we have F35's nowadays. Please take your antiquated collection of parts flying in loose formation somewhere else.

[Kiltrash]

Stop that pigeon, I have a last minute letter to get off

[Kiltrash]

Pilot thinks....WIWOL never had to plan for longer mission than 12 minutes

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry, the Americans are comming....NOW I'm worried

[treadigraph]

No, sorry old boy, we don't offer Greenshield Stamps, I think Leeming might if you take a full tank and get the oil topped up.

[cavuman1]

Elementary Falconry gone awry: as Hoskins flips through page after page trying to find the instruction on luring wayward birds back to the arm, his optimistic assistant, Murgatroyd, waits patiently. Neither notice that the bird has been sucked in to the left intake of the Harrier, barbecued, and spat out as an overcooked squab!

- Ed

[Buster Hyman]

Section Officer Harvey? Just over there, join that queue.

[Dan Gerous]

I'll be glad when we get the LRMTS installed in the nose, as this pointing a pen at the target isn't really doing it for me.

[Kiltrash]

Wish someone would hurry up and invent the Selfie Stick...

[Kiltrash]

RAFG Pilot gets final briefing not to cross the border into the East. ..
Now remind me again, East is where the Sun sets?

[Kiltrash]

Pilot was the last to realise a seagull had shat on his helmet.

[c52]

"It's called a Jump Jet because not all of them have ladders to help you get into the cockpit. Yours is that one over there."

[c52]

"Sorry, Sir, you've come to the wrong field if you think there's going to be a reenactment of Roundheads vs. Cavaliers."

[c52]

"Well, of course, Sir, being in the Army I would just run over there in a couple of minutes, but if you want to fly there in your plane, I have no authority to stop you."

[c52]

"You're going to demonstrate that you can land at Addenbrookes and take off again, leaving no problems on the ground. Everything is ready for you."

[Kiltrash]

Right so this is a joint Army/ Royal Air Force mock attack on the Prince of Wales Carrier to test it's defensive capabilities.
Sir but it's been tied up in port at Portsmouth for 12 Months so how is that fair?
You want War to be fair??

[Kiltrash]

....and after the successful attack we can retire to the bar for the Yard of Ale drinking contest

[Kiltrash]

So we have lined up 6 West German Lada's over there and after your strafing run we can sell them off as ' improved ' to the East

[Wensleydale]

"You buy the zips for your flying boots over there, Mate".

[Frostchamber]

"You see that tree over there?"
"I do see it, yes"
"That's your radius of action, that is"

[c52]

"Perhaps if instead of pointing, you could hold these two maps in your left hand, and these two in your right, and I do the same with these four maps, and the wind would stop blowing, I might be able to find my way."

[622]

Look Corporal, I know we are in Germany...but please use the normal salute when you greet me!

[Buster Hyman]

TSR-2? Not sure mate, try over there behind the P1154.

[NutLoose]

Scoring before Friday, so get them in... :)

[treadigraph]

RAF Wittering? No, this is Grantham Barracks, you're about 20 miles north. Er, before you go, the Colonel would like a word; it seems he had dozed off just before you arrived - with a hot cup of tea balanced in his lap...

[Kiltrash]

Thr Royal and Ancient have asked can you pop over and blow dry the 3rd hole after that downpour ..

[Kiltrash]

Having lost to the car in the Race to the North in the Tornado, Clarkson has asked can you pick him up at King's Cross and drop him off at the North British. Determined not to lose again

[Kiltrash]

The Sex Shop on the A1 just outside Wittering? Yes it's just over there...but why?
It's for the Squadron Leader. Something about shoving it up Hoskins ar$e after his last landing

[c52]

"Obviously, 'supersonic' means it makes more noise than anything else of its size, therefore this is a supersonic aircraft." - BAe

[c52]

Pilot: "I accept your challenge. My Harrier can land anywhere your tank can go."

[Kiltrash]

It's just been announced that PO Hoskins is promoted to Sea Fury Display Pilot, and here's his first take off...
( Ps glad crew are ok. )

[Kiltrash]

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No its Nutloose comming over to judge your last landing.

[Kiltrash]

Pilot....your missus put too much starch again in your uniform?

[fitliker]

Damned unsporting to use a Harrier in an Orienteering event old bean .

[Kiltrash]

No, I'm waiting for a Hen Harrier to land

[Kiltrash]

No no to get relief you drop the ball down by your leg. They changed the rules last year

[Kiltrash]

No I did not have any reaction to the Covid Jab, in my arm, why do you ask?
If you had I was gonna ask the Nurse to inject it somewhere else, nudge nudge wink wink.

[NutLoose]

Ok it's that time to make one of you happy, but not the rest......

The scores are on the doors just in time for the Bank Holiday and my second Pfizer Covid Jab on Saturday Woohoooo...

And the winner of the CST trophy is...

Wensleydale

Your target is on that hill. You don't have the fuel for one further away.

Runners up are

Kiltrash with

Pilot was the last to realise a seagull had shat on his helmet.

Frostchamber with

"You see that tree over there?"
"I do see it, yes"
"That's your radius of action, that is"

And MarcK with

If I were you, I wouldn't start from here.


Ohh and yes, Kiltrash, sounds like to much of an expert ;)

"The Sex Shop on the A1 just outside Wittering?"

The trophy is on its way...Thank you all, some very good entries. :)

[Kiltrash]

Ohh and yes, Kiltrash, sounds like to much of an expert https://www.pprune.org/images/smilies/wink2.gif

"The Sex Shop on the A1 just outside Wittering?"

Somehow I thought Nutty would know where I was thinking about
only ever passed them you understand ahem ahem 😚

[Wensleydale]

Gosh - thankyou. I don't think that we have had this one before...

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1439x928/sheep_41e54fe5b975107788be857c97e999fddfd888a8.jpg

[treadigraph]

Flossy: "I hate these budget airlines, they really know how to fleece one..."

Dolly: "Oooh, you are so right and if they are anything like Ryanair, by the time we get there, they'll have had the shirts of our backs..."

[treadigraph]

Sheep off on their summer holidays to Baahrain

[NutLoose]

Bleating the retreat.

[NutLoose]

Dylan the welsh sheep herder watches his flock loading and thinks, I’ve had ewe and ewe and ewe..

[treadigraph]

Dolly: "I hope we don't meet any of those nasty German Flockers while we're up there"

Flossy: "Yeah, they'd turn us into a Dornier kebab, no trouble"

Dolly: "I know, could be some messy schitz..."

[Kiltrash]

4,345,678
4,345,679
4,345,680
4,345,681
4,345,682...

Geez Bruce how many can this take??

Dang lost count, Start again
1
2
3
4

At the back

4,122,321
4,122,322
4,122,323
4,122,324

Gez Paddy how many are we off loading??

BeJuesus, lost count start again
1
2
3
4

[Kiltrash]

BA Executives decide not to fly 'Cattle Class ' passengers anymore.

[Kiltrash]

In New York Jet Blue announce the departure of their first A321 LR service to London

[Kiltrash]

Loadmaster looks forward to presenting the Flight Crew with a Load Sheet, trouble is he has already fallen asleep 6 times counting them on.

[Kiltrash]

At Anna Creek Homestead they plan the annual move to fresh pastures.

[Kiltrash]

Well this was something the spotters at East midland Freight Terminal did not expect to see.

[fitliker]

The Shetland mail order brides on their way to new homes in Wales .

[Dan Gerous]

I think we've been conned, this doesn't look like an Ark to me

[Dan Gerous]

Oohh, I hope they're giving out Barley Sugar's on the flight.
Nah, it looks like Humbugs.
Baah.

[treadigraph]

I hope the in-flight entertainment has "The Silence of the Lambs"...

[Ascend Charlie]

"Hey, Baaaasil!"
"Yes, Baaaabara?"
"Something's not right, I smell gravy and mint sauce..."

[Kiltrash]

Shep, Shep, get down boy

[Kiltrash]

Dunno how we're supposed to spot the Wolf in Sheep's clothing

[Kiltrash]

Typical, ewe wait hours for one to come along and thousands millions appear together

[c52]

"Now you're sure all these animals have been to the toilet before embarking, or we'll have to replace the P in our name with a T."

[Buster Hyman]

Pandemonium ensues as the Trans Tasman bubble opens!

[Buster Hyman]

Do you think we're eligible for herd immunity?
Flock that!

[NutLoose]

The great eBay con was in play and Smithers hoped the new owners would not realise they had been fleeced.

[NutLoose]

If being a sheep herder in cattlemen country wasn’t bad enough, pink shirts were just a step to far.


.

[Buster Hyman]

Sheep at top of stairs: Hang on! This looks like Cattle class!

*Variation on a theme Kilty. :ok:

[treadigraph]

Airport PA: "Sheep Air announce boarding for their Mint Sauce Express service..."

Dolly: "I wonder why they call the flight that?"

[Beamr]

Boeing had a brilliant new idea and implemented a novel real time MCAS counter ballast under FAA expert observation. When Dolly says "baa", y'all move behind the CofG line. Boeing stated that the best part is that this can happen autonomously without pilots even knowing about it hence no need for training.

[Kiltrash]

Owing to door L2 being inoperative, The First Class passengers were handed out scented handkerchiefs

[treadigraph]

Dolly: Are we going to JFK?

Flossy: "No, N-ewe-ark..."

[Kiltrash]

Loadmaster...Sir, sir the facilities are swamped
General..... That's planned for during a Drone Swarm Attack. 10000' and push them out the back over Aukland

[Kiltrash]

....and on the way back clean the Aeroplane out over Alan Joyces house. ....waste not want not

[Kiltrash]

Think this cloning has gotten out of hand

[Kiltrash]

As the Suez Canal is blocked, the legs of Lamb still have to get to the UK for Easter ' on the hoof '

[Kiltrash]

Does no one feel sorry for Hoskins, having to speed shear 40000 sheep so they could pack more on?
Well safer than when he used to be a Pilot for the rest of us.

[Kiltrash]

From the top if the steps...Call the planning department, they loaded 10000 Marks and Spencer sandwiches to ' Buy on Board ' I mean have you ever seen a sheep trying to
1/ open a packed sandwich??
or
2/ pay by credit card.??

[Kiltrash]

and finally ( before golf)

No no eweve landed at Wittering, N-ewe-ark is just up the A1

[Longhitter]

Finally those flying gloves with velcro on the palms will come in quite handy...

[622]

Welsh Airways uploading the inflight entertainment*

(* I'm half Welsh, so allowed to say that) :cool:

[622]

Sheep at the bottom "Typical, look at those First class boarding first in their fancy coats"

[Buster Hyman]

Excuse me. Is this the flight to Baa-hrain?
No, this one's going to Baa-li.
Oh, I thank ewe....

[Ascend Charlie]

Finally those flying gloves with velcro on the palms will come in quite handy...
That's why they got shorn first, the velcro doesn't hold on that well.

"Paging passenger Sean Lamb... Sean Lamb? Anyone? Anyone?"

[622]

And of course, the oldie but goodie...

"Hey Bruce, are you shearing those sheep?"
"No mate, find your own"

(Works best if said in Aussie accent)

[NutLoose]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1439x928/sheep_41e54fe5b975107788be857c97e999fddfd888a8_475ac8a64bdb8 09d1575406370b9d3ced6a1900d.jpg

That's the last time I board through RyanAir's check in, it feels like they've had the coat of my back with all those extra charges.

[NutLoose]

I thought you said we'd meet a famous footballer, not Alan the Shearer.

[c52]

God: "NOAH! I know you've very primitive and all that, but I did say 'two'. I'd better teach you to count."

[Chu Chu]

I admit it was funny the first time. But this it the third time this month someone told Hoskins to get the flock out of here.

[Chu Chu]

Ever since we taught the sheep to read, they've been getting ideas.

So you're sending them to Inner Mongolia?

Worked for Mao.

[treadigraph]

People laughed at Monty Python's "Flying Sheep" sketch - but they underestimated just how clever Harold the Sheep really was...

[treadigraph]

Dolly (indignantly): "This is an American-built Boeing 747. Why aren't we flying on an East German airliner?"

Flossy (resignedly): "Because the Baade 152 was a really baaad design..."

[Buster Hyman]

"Well, it was all the Taliban asked for..."

[ShyTorque]

"Yes, it obviously works...ring Michael O'Leary and let him know!"

[NutLoose]

We found the rules rearding livestock import into the EU was prohibitive, so strapping them in as passengers we get around it.

[fitliker]

[QUOTE=Buster Hyman;11036481]"Well, it was all the Taliban asked for..."[/

The fine print did not specify if the 72 virgins had to be male or female or what species . The devil is in the details .
Technically speaking the sheep have already been sheared once so the next fleece is not considered virgin wool .

[NutLoose]

If you weren't from cowtown i'd be worried :p

[treadigraph]

The remake of the American TV series "Baa Baa Blacksheep" had met with a serious error by the casting department...

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins STOP...
Why?
We're meant to be loading horses not Sheep. ..
Why?
We're off to Newebury and Newemarket..

[Kiltrash]

These sheep can swim..
Mary Jesus and the Little Donkey now what are you on.?
Well we found them just off Newehaven

[Kiltrash]

These sheep are good on the gallops..
WTF??
Found them at ewetoxetter

[Kiltrash]

No 1 pink shirt to No 2 pink shirt..
Don't fancy Ewers much

Hat Coat Door.

[Kiltrash]

On the flight deck, instead of moving fuel around to maintain C of G like Concorde, How last century is that, there is a lever to release the Collie Dogs.
They are so smart they maintain balance so much better than MCAS

[Kiltrash]

Last sheep
Where are we going?
Second last sheep
I'm following him
I'm following him
I'm following him
etc
sheep first in line.
Bloody Sat Nav cock@d up again

[Kiltrash]

Having enjoyed their cruise round the Mediterranean, the sheep were glad to board their flight back home from...wait for it...Baacelona

[NutLoose]

Get down Shep

[Kiltrash]

Biden thinks. ...well if some dumb sheep can climb the steps ok, what does that say of me?.

[Kiltrash]

Sheep urging his fellows to hurry up and get on the aeroplane, Well don't want to be stranded on the tarmac in the dark, heard how lonely it gets for the herders without female company way out here.

[Kiltrash]

No one noticed Bruce had forgotten his deodorant today

[Chu Chu]

Look -- they're taking to the steppes already.

[NutLoose]

Ohhhh COOL, it looks like we’re going to get well and truly rammed in....

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1439x928/image_87f6661826c9576bcd607c1c61f6c63c7808da37.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Ere, what’s that pink stain on Ethel’s back

[NutLoose]

Remember girls, no tupping the staff.

[NutLoose]

Shaun says he knows the crew, a Wallace and Grommit.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Who cares about the wether report? I want a RAM!"

[ShyTorque]

Voice from inside: “No, you idiots, I said we needed a LAME!”

[Kiltrash]

At the back Nutloose joins the Covid-19 jab qeweue

[Kiltrash]

Pink 2...I could murder a Kebab

[Kiltrash]

In Nevada the stored aircraft are re purposed as a methane production facility

[Kiltrash]

On Boris Force One, The Prime Minister welcomes his extended family after May 17 to a post Covid meet and greet

[Kiltrash]

Ewe paid £800 a roll for some flock wallpaper?

[treadigraph]

Heath-Robinson's idea to convert an old 747 to a shepherd's pie and Scotch broth factory was working surprisingly well...

[Dan Gerous]

Poor timing by Maverick as he buzzes the tower, just as the shepherds were loading their flock.

]https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1439x928/image_87f6661826c9576bcd607c1c61f6c63c7808da37.jpeg

[Dan Gerous]

Time to buzz the tower Goose.
For flock sake Mav, NO!

[Chu Chu]

After meeting Greta, Hoskins decides to recreate Noah's Ark. (He may have taken "the meek shall inherit the Earth" a little too literally.)

[Chu Chu]

With locked-down residents desperate for a whiff of the countryside, Sheep Air starts production in a grounded jumbo.

[Apologies to Kiltrash and Treadigraph.]