Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Turning round the eye in the sky reports that the Blackwell tunnel looks exceptionaly clear on the morning commute

[Kiltrash]

On a Spotters day at Bruntingthorpe Nutty tries to pass off his before accidents snaps to the AAIB

[Kiltrash]

VERY rich football player won't let a inconvenient train strike stop him getting to the training ground.

[Dan Gerous]

Well if you'd hired a C5 like I told you to do, you wouldn't have had to back it in!

[Dan Gerous]

I don't think the air launched Parasite Helicopter is such a good idea

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x960/eating_aeroplane_751506d4b8876f544719e93518d205b8c8665909.jp g

[Dan Gerous]

With the loss of all hydraulics, the only option left was to raise the barrier.

[Dan Gerous]

Are you a German registered freight company?
JA!

[ShyTorque]

Help, one of my front choppers has come out - DENTIST!

[ShyTorque]

Robbo: What are you laughing at?

That bloke by my left door …he’s well camp!

[cynicalint]

The attempt to remake Jaws into an aircraft related film did not work as well as intended!

[Ascend Charlie]

****BURRRP***** ahhh, that's better - don't feed me that rubbish again!

[cynicalint]

It's much easier to use than a parachute....

[SLXOwft]

500ft rule, 60 metre exemption, WTF ... I pay you wages and I say I'm not walking

[Buster Hyman]

Thunderbird 6 1/2

[Chu Chu]

Are you sure this is going to count?

Yep -- I just reread the spec: "Must demonstrate hover 10,000 feet AGL."

[Kiltrash]

When asked what was the strangest cargo he had ever flown the pilot explained he had 64 frogs who fought over the hoverfly with their tongues...

[treadigraph]

We're going balloon bursting...

[cynicalint]

Do you think this mouth is big enough to swallow that balloon in one go?

[Buster Hyman]

When the flight crew don't trust the ground handlers air stairs.

[Kiltrash]

Coffman Starter Trophy makes a pit stop in Queensland on its several World tours... Over the radio Chopper to 747...keep the engine running be back soon from Buster, please clear us to our next lucky recipient...

[Kiltrash]

After the failure of Virgin Orbit one the Beardy one descided to go back to first principles and start small...

[Kiltrash]

Feeling peckish the Skip sends the cabin boy to get his breakfast from the McDonald's Fly through..
* Other fast food restaurants are available..

[Kiltrash]

Biden...General when I said could a R22 shoot down the balloon surly you knew I have a stutter and meant a F22...
Geesh how did you ever get to such a high position of power??
General whispers...The same way you did Sir...and don't call me Shirley...
...and thats why the RS 71 was changed to SR71 now we will have to change the Raptors designation

[Buster Hyman]

That Swiss Family have come up in the World!

[Confusious]

Hueeeeeeey!

[Chu Chu]

The crews did complain about airside transportation, but I never thought it would come to collective action.

[Kiltrash]

The freighter pilots were most surprised to find their legs could bend up 90 degrees....as we're the Paramedics...

[Confusious]

When the Captain asked if there was a doctor on board, who would have guessed that Dr Heimlich himself came to the rescue?

[Kiltrash]

Cunning plan Zelenskky....making a drone look like a full size chopper... The Rushkies will think there's a crew on board and won't shoot it down...hopefully..

[Kiltrash]

Right that's got us down to correct weights and balance....now tie his tow rope to the tail and we can deliver our full load, McGinty...and dont forget the red flag ...this time

[Kiltrash]

Having scammed his mum out of £12m Andrew and Virginia upgraded their personal transport....no not the chopper, they treated themselves to a plane...

[treadigraph]

Well, Heath Robinson! That's almost a sensible idea!

[cynicalint]

Stick your tongue out and say AHH!

[MPN11]

“If you think this is bad, check my rear end”

[Wensleydale]

Its judgement time..the winner is:

Thunderbird 6 1/2

Gee Brains - send the trophy to Buster.

[Buster Hyman]

Oh, very kind Wendy, very kind.

An embarrassment of riches and another trophy for the mantle! Having had a good run recently, I’m more than happy to call open house for anyone who hasn’t had a go, or someone who has a photo burning to be put up, or someone who doesn’t win much… Nutty perhaps. I’ll give it 12 hours or so & if there’s no takers, I’ll post one. (I think 12 hours is when the Kilty’s withdrawal symptoms kick in) 🤔

[Kiltrash]

Withdrawal has kicked in. So how about this one..blatantly stolen from another thread


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x741/winston_churchill_life_pod_86c18a8431b5a534bc6b8967c3a252714 af32cf3.jpg

[Wensleydale]

We've finally got this Waffle Maker to work - its Starmer on the other end of the phone!

[Buster Hyman]

Wake me up when Nutty wins a comp will you. There's a good chap!

[Buster Hyman]

"So, when we get over Florida, slowly deflate the Balloon & I'll reveal the Gender. Got it?"

[treadigraph]

The Birth of Venus? Well, not exactly...

[treadigraph]

Q explains the theory behind his Agent Miniaturisation Capsule to a rather sceptical M.

M: "Well if you must test it, I'll assign 007 to the task..."

[Dan Gerous]

"You expect me to talk"?
"No Mr Bond, I expect you to die".

[Buster Hyman]

"Do you mind! There's calls are charged by the minute you know!!!"

[Hydromet]

The cone of silence prototype worked well from the 'silence' aspect, but had a few bugs to be worked out before Maxwell Smart would use it.

[MPN11]

"I know there's a housing crisis, but this is ridiculous."

[Chu Chu]

Dr. Hochmann was a brilliant therapist. But after his third GBH conviction, some adjustments had to be made.

[Confusious]

Interesting results from your time travel capsule test. You went to 2022 and spent 23 of the 24 hours on the phone.

[Confusious]

You didn't say a word for the whole hour. Who was on the line?

My wife.

[NutLoose]

It's for you..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x741/image_c60de9611a9408044d4860f1fab308d5f7601073.png

[NutLoose]

Will it press my suit as well?

[sealo0]

HRH on the phone asking 'Do you think we could get the Sussex's in here?' might give him some peace & quite!

[NutLoose]

It's quite simple really, once we miniaturize you, we will insert you up the rectum of the Prime Minister, rather like a suppository and you will be able to report back via that phone on the condition of his bowels.

[NutLoose]

He wants to know, were you mis-sold PPI?

[NutLoose]

It's Ikea, they say they sent the wrong instructions, it's not a sunbed after all.

[MPN11]

"Thank you, Mr. Hoskins, but I think the existing telephone boxes work just fine."

[NutLoose]

You think this is bad, you should see the size of the telephone exhange that has to accompany you.

[NutLoose]

He says “Send three and fourpence, he's going to a dance”.

[treadigraph]

It's Cadbury's on the line - they love it and want to use it in their Smash adverts...

[NutLoose]

She says I need to press button A, I say you don't happen to have any change do you?

[Confusious]

Time up....you've completed the lie detector capsule test and we can confirm that you're not a politician.

[Dan Gerous]

Hello, is this the future?
No Sir, we've had a cryogenic pump failure, you've only been in there 10 minutes.

[MPN11]

“… and I can use this to call Room Service …”

[treadigraph]

Ok, this IS a phone but I'm not ET...

[Confusious]

Huh....you may laugh but one day it'll catch on, they'll pay good money for this and call it glamping.

[MPN11]

Huh....you may laugh but one day it'll catch on, they'll pay good money for this and call it glamping.
Hong Kong hoteliers are also thought ro be early adopters.

[treadigraph]

I've just invented the Podcast...

[622]

Hoskins, when I said go away and invent a cell phone .....I was hoping for a... oh never mind!

[cavuman1]

"It's the maître d'. He says your order for oysters on the half shell is ready."

- Ed

[cavuman1]

O.K. We close the capsule. Then we clamp it to a gigantic helium balloon. Then we fly it over China. You good with that?

- Ed

[Hydromet]

It's quite simple really, once we miniaturize you, we will insert you up the rectum of the Prime Minister, rather like a suppository and you will be able to report back via that phone on the condition of his bowels.
Just send us an update.

[Chu Chu]

Yes, I promise. This autoclave will wipe out your little dose of clap without anyone needing to know.

[treadigraph]

Do I feel rejuvenated? The hell I do... They closed the lid on me as a fit 25 year old...

[treadigraph]

I thought you said "talk with mother" not "Torquemada"...

[Buster Hyman]

I don’t look like Captain America yet. Close the door and give me another 10 minutes…

[Buster Hyman]

It’s Lady Gaga, for you…

[cynicalint]

I fell asleep listening to Nixon in this contraption, biden my time, and all of a sudden,you open the lid and I'm the president of the USA! Can't remember that happening!

[ACW599]

Declassified BRIXMIS imagery suggested that the Russian approach to secure speech communications was rather unusual.

[Ascend Charlie]

"You blithering idiot! When you shut the lid, it cut the phone cord!"

[Confusious]

Thanks for offering to pose for this week's painting class. You've got the pose spot on but this is a naked scene.

[Buster Hyman]

"I now identify as a Clam, thank you very much!"

[Buster Hyman]

Eventually, the failure of the Adult Kinder Surprise led to the banning of all Kinder Surprises in the United States.

[Ascend Charlie]

His audition for a Ninja Turtles role, heroes on the half shell, was unimpressive.

[Wensleydale]

Anyone here called Major Tom?

[ShyTorque]

“No, the after effects of your last night’s Vindaloo have definitely NOT worn off - I’m shutting the lid again…..call back in an hour!”

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x741/image_c60de9611a9408044d4860f1fab308d5f7601073_d99993450985b f41f461f1d8cb1f82416a752514.png

[NutLoose]

”It’s the speaking cock..”

“Surely you mean clock..”

“Nope, it’s put me through to Boris Johnson’s office”

[Dan Gerous]

One last thing, could you get the paint shop to put the roundel on the outside.

[NutLoose]

When you close out up I get this funny feeling someone is staring at me from behind.

[Kiltrash]

Last call decision in 12 hours please...

[Buster Hyman]

No, I said I want to try Viagra, not Niagara!
oh, sorry Nutty.

[NutLoose]

Yes, I’m Jacob Rees-Mogg Snr, how did you know?

[NutLoose]

So I quite like this idea of a time capsule, how far does it transport me into the future..

it’s quite simple minister, we seal you in then bury you for 100 years or so.. goodbye.

[NutLoose]

It sort of works like an iron lung, where as the iron lung keeps you breathing minister, this version is airtight and stops you breathing.

[treadigraph]

It's Kim Jong Un - he'll have one if we can make it ten sizes larger...

[cavuman1]

Jules Verne tries out the prototype of the Chambered Nautilus.

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

And there you are, Sir, a full-motion steampunkt simulator.

I said steam gauge, Hoskins, steam gauge.

[Chu Chu]

It's a fully enclosed habitat. See, you breath in oxygen and breath out carbon dioxide, and . . . err. . . bugger!

[Kiltrash]

As always several rib ticklers... and after I have cleaned my keyboard we have a winner Sealo0 with

HRH on the phone asking 'Do you think we could get the Sussex's in here?' might give him some peace & quite!

Runner up was ACW with

Declassified BRIXMIS imagery suggested that the Russian approach to secure speech communications was rather unusual.

Over to you Sir, Madam, They

For those not in the know use your favourite search engine for Churchills Life Pod

[sealo0]

Thanks for that. I may be a couple of hours, other duties get in the way but as they say “I’ll be back”

mike

[sealo0]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/949x500/921409d0_f1af_43a5_86fe_c55e2c81a77f_e928d0cbcc3bd9939e55a4c b3ff0e083b0bec512.jpeg
Hi All

lets have a go at this one!

Mike

[MPN11]

“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.”

[MPN11]

“Hey, Wilma, have you fed Dino today?”

[MPN11]

“Just a light trim, please … not too short on the sides.”

[NutLoose]

Madam, I assure you, our baggage handlers are moving heaven and earth in an attempt to locate your missing luggage.

[Stockportcounty]

Hiya love.

[622]

Noooo ...I said stand 15!

[622]

OK Boss ....are you ready to discuss that pay rise now?

[treadigraph]

Someone saw a mouse inside it? Wouldn't mobilising the hangar cat have been a bit easier?

[treadigraph]

Boeing, Boeing, gone...

[Kiltrash]

Look If you don't accept the 0.5% pay rise...you can be replaced

[Kiltrash]

At St Athan* the dismantlers descide to get rid of Hoskins for doing their job for them..
* Later realised it should, of course been Hurn

[Kiltrash]

Nutty later realised that it was Buster operating the only JCB...( that had NOT been sent to Turkey..)

[Kiltrash]

Thank god at the last D check we had painted the plane all white...

[Kiltrash]

Having been denied his daily PPRuNe input for a couple of days ...Kiltrash desides to get his own back on...himself...

[Kiltrash]

There HAS to be a transformer quip here, but I will go with " I'll be back." ..

[Kiltrash]

Having landed on 27L for the final time before retirement the Captain did wish the Fire Service had used the traditional Water Canon salute...

[Kiltrash]

The Robinson R22 only just escaped the aircraft destruction

[Kiltrash]

.. and fially...for now...
Zelenskky finally gets Putin exactly where he wants him..

[Wensleydale]

I like the cut of your jib!

[treadigraph]

AI've got a crush on you...

[Kiltrash]

no... honestly ...the child your wife said is yours and your bringing up till the of 18, really is yours. The different hair colour is purely a scientific anomally....said James (Hewitt )

[Copenhagen]

We’ve identified the passenger who didn’t buy a scratch-card.

[CAEBr]

Looks like robotic servicing as a way to save money isn't going to work.

[Copenhagen]

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry to announce a short delay to our flight this afternoon. This is due to the late arrival of parts of the aircraft to operate the flight’

[ShyTorque]

“You were only supposed to blow the”………

we know the rest, don’t we?

[Kiltrash]

No...I think I can see the problem, there's a stick stuck preventing the jaws closing. Wait a mo I'll just tug it ou....

[Kiltrash]

Well I used to be a NHS Dentist, but this does pay better ..and I get every weekend off...

[Kiltrash]

My last job? Well I was the German supervisor that demolished the old decrepit past it worn out dangerous over cramped smelly rusty disgusting over hyped looser called Wemblee Stadium . ...and look what we overpriced the replacement you bought 😂

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/949x500/image_5dd213582b4639b5b2fdd96990caf5283ba40aff.jpeg

[NutLoose]

BAe satisfy their latest MOD contract for aircrew umbrellas for the RAF.

[NutLoose]

Is it a pinch of snuff or snuffed in a pinch?, I can’t remember.

[Ascend Charlie]

The Turkish earthquake was felt as far away as Heefrow.

[cynicalint]

I thought I had a birdstrike, but when I landed I found this still attached to the wingtip!

[cynicalint]

Is it a good idea to stretch the fuselage this way?

[cynicalint]

I've just sicked up this engineer!

[cavuman1]

Mighty powerful curry, eh Hoskins?

- Ed

[Hydromet]

Typical bloody Ikea, they forgot to put in the Allen key!

[cynicalint]

Got it! I've managed to pull out the Gremlin responsible for the damage!

[fitliker]

If BSA made airplanes , this is how they would build them . Bits Stuck Anywhere

[fitliker]

A few patches of speed tape and she will be good to go

[Kiltrash]

Lex finally gets Clark exactly where he wants him ..
Where the nearest telephone box thought our hapless hero.

[Copenhagen]

Did you try switching it off and on again?

[Wensleydale]

His instructor regrets telling Hoskins to 'Get a Grip'.

[treadigraph]

Shortly after this photo was taken, Hoskins illustrated the importance of a thorough pre-flight check by attempting to take off. The M25 is still at a standstill in both directions...

[NutLoose]

Just what we needed, a Hydraulic adjustable spanner, ok the nut is over here,

[Chu Chu]

(Off screen)

Hoskins, stop! WTF!

You said to chew through the waist first.

[NutLoose]

Ohh Sh*t, wrong plane...

[Chu Chu]

Nora. At samliv mellem os to kunne blive et ekteskap. Farvel.

Hoskins, why are you reading Ibsen?

You said we were selling this as irony aluminium.

[Buster Hyman]

And all of a sudden, the MCAS went off!

[Buster Hyman]

Russia agrees to return all the Western aircraft… by mail.

[Buster Hyman]

“Oh…I thought P2F was Passenger to F#@$&*!

[Buster Hyman]

“Okay.Are you satisfied now? WE DONT HAVE YOUR F***ING BAG,,,”

[Kiltrash]

Health and safety was more concerned to prosecute the person who did not put red tape across the open aircraft doors, against statute rulling MG23X526/Wxvz...rather than the lack of hi Viz being worn...

[ShyTorque]

“Er..this is actually the one that needed a port nav light bulb fixing!”

[Kiltrash]

At Pleasure Beach in Sarfend the digger driver was eventually banned from the hook a duck stall...

[Kiltrash]

Having torn the plane apart to locate the errant rodent at Brisbane before it introduced Mixamatocious Mad rabbit disease did they find Hoskins was a master ventriloquist...

[Chu Chu]

Whatever else happens, the pilot won’t be writing “insufficient breaks” on a maintenance sheet again.

[Hydromet]

Having torn the plane apart to locate the errant rodent at Brisbane before it introduced Mixamatocious Mad rabbit disease did they find Hoskins was a master ventriloquist...
No, but they did find that he was a master baiter.

[Kiltrash]

Before I was made redundant from the NHS in retaliation to being the striking surgeon ringleader I specialised in Tonsils....open wide...

[Wensleydale]

TACEVAL inject gets out of hand.

[Hydromet]

Robot Wars (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robot_Wars_(TV_series)) goes upscale.

[Buster Hyman]

I'm sorry, but the circumstances are irrelevant. This still goes down as a Tail Strike on your flying record!

[sealo0]

Morning All

Last orders Please, will call this at 6.00 GMT (ish) today

Mike

[Dan Gerous]

Terminator D(Dental) 1000. "Open wide".

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/949x500/image_5dd213582b4639b5b2fdd96990caf5283ba40aff.jpeg

[Buster Hyman]

How QATAR Airways sees the paint peeling on the A350's

[sealo0]

So scores on the doors as follows

Runner up Nutty : Ohh Sh*t, wrong plane...

Good try: Buster : Okay.Are you satisfied now? WE DONT HAVE YOUR F***ING BAG,,,”

but the winner is Copenhagen : Did you try switching it off and on again?

Trophy on it's way via pm

Best of Luck

Mike

[Kiltrash]

Well done Copenhagen...I was going to have one last effort...

They say to survive a Earthquake best to shelter under a pair of strong supports ....I mean look what it did to a plane..

[sealo0]

We seem to have radio silence from Copenhagen. Any know his whereabouts other than in Copenhagen.

Mike

[Chu Chu]

It seems we can observe his location or his presence, but not both.

[NutLoose]

Anyone pm him?

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for Picture...
Kiltrash has the first medically proven Withdrawal disease symptoms .... No it not funny he retorted...

[NutLoose]

Ok, try this until Copenhagen appears, he can if he wishes then post an image or score this one.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/906x604/image_649440443877220d99e188d56a1887f380ed5292.jpeg

[sealo0]

Air time for Chuckle Brothers

[ShyTorque]

“The Americans will never find us, way up here, floating by in a gas balloon!”

[cynicalint]

......and then my chief adviser said "That's how you fool all of the people all of the time!"

[cynicalint]

My God, you were right when you said this aircraft's vibrations tickled the right spot!

[cynicalint]

And then, the Davos Chair said Putin had booked a day return to Kyiv, but Shapps had cancelled it!

[Ascend Charlie]

There's nothing quite as funny as a fart between friends.

[tonytales]

Necessary equipment when flying on Turbulence Airways.

[Ascend Charlie]

"...and then Trump said, China respected me too much to send spy balloons!"

[Buster Hyman]

"Err, update from the cockpit gents. Nutty still hasn't won a Cap Comp in 23. That is all."

[Buster Hyman]

"...Although we said we'd help, we sent the Jaguars up to shoot down the Balloon...but they couldn't catch it!"

[Buster Hyman]

"What? You didn't know Boris was PM at the time?"

[Wensleydale]

Film appears of Starmer falling off a kerb....

[Kiltrash]

Well in a previous life I was a Comedian...said Rishi.

[Kiltrash]

...and where are you going on your holiday this year?
Aleppo, feels like I'll be at home there

[Kiltrash]

Pres Z said the Russian invasion was the best thing that ever happened to him, well after Maggie's little war in the South Atlantic look how her ratings shot up...
Hmm thinks Rishi, what little country can we have a dispute over..?..Fiji, Canary Islands, Isle of Wight...

[Kiltrash]

Yes we have only just got the stains off the carpet in the President's Palace after Mr Johnson last visit, .

Yes Same here at the No10 flat..

[Kiltrash]

So, We go by air to Dorset for security reasons ??
Not quite the Trains are on strike...again.

[Kiltrash]

So what did you think when you met the King?
He's a bit small...just like us 😊

[Kiltrash]

...and to make you feel at home Mr President we have arranged a little visit to Toxteith...
No I want to go somewhere really like home.i believe Croydon is on our flight path...

[Copenhagen]

Sorry for being out of range for the last few days after winning the last round. Let’s continue with this image and I will score it on Friday?


my submission

‘and then we offered Northern Ireland as a swap’

[treadigraph]

...and to make you feel at home Mr President we have arranged a little visit to Toxteith...
No I want to go somewhere really like home.i believe Croydon is on our flight path...

But didn't you arrive at Luton?

[Dan Gerous]

You're right Rishi, this is way better than standing against the washing machine, especially now the Ruskis have pinched all ours.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/906x604/image_649440443877220d99e188d56a1887f380ed5292.jpeg

[treadigraph]

RS: Apparently the Downing Street Spokesman was asked if I believe in aliens!

VZ: What did he reply?

RS: Of course! Haven't you seen Jeremy Corbyn?

[NutLoose]

And so after that we deported Busters ancestors to our penal colony in Austrailia

[Kiltrash]

Suella is back in Whitehall having kittens, seemingly neither of us have valid Visas .

[Kiltrash]

If you think this is bad, Ryanair offered to fly us for free .

[Kiltrash]

The RAF later used this picture as part of their case for Chinook Refurbishment.

[Kiltrash]

...and on the way back we will drop in on my local restaurant and I'll treat you to a great British takeaway...Chicken Vindaloo or Chicken Kiev....you choose

[Kiltrash]

Another Men only joke for the boys that the LGBTQ+ brigade would not allow ...or even Loose Women...
Fortunately the noise in the cabin drowned out to the aides what they actually said...
However the lip readers made a fortune selling it to the Sunday papers.

[Kiltrash]

It was at this moment they discovered
They were distant cousins
or
They were closet Arsenal fans
Or
Neither of them carry cash to tip the coach driver

[MPN11]

“Hey, I’m glad we’re not fling in Economy Class!”

[Dan Gerous]

... and Johnson, that hair, WTF.

[Kiltrash]

So when the Americans let you have 100 F-16's please can we have some in exchange for our 14 Challenger tanks we gave you....

[NutLoose]

This soundproofing is thinner than the Kings sock.

[SLXOwft]

...and then my wife said,"Tell him not to worry, Infosys provide Vlad's IT support."

[NutLoose]

I thought about driving there but I know this winds up the Daily Express, so I arranged the flight.

[NutLoose]

And I’ve arranged one of our jets to take you onto Paris, the one with the Union flag on the tail, because it will wind the Frogs up something terrible.

[Confusious]

"That's hilarious....but why did the chicken want to get to the other side of the road?"

[NutLoose]

So was it a good birthday cake Rishi?

[NutLoose]

I wouldn’t mind but Boris only had one slice of cake, I had two and also a couple of beers.

[NutLoose]

You should see the decoration in No 10, it looks like someone has thrown up and had a pizza fight in the PM’s residence.

[Kiltrash]

So the wife swops all arranged for the 14th.. at Chequers... Happy Valentine's Day

[Kiltrash]

Yes I'm sure we can fit in a game of golf, will just drop in on Andrew, Pilot please

[Kiltrash]

If you get a Squadron of F-18's we will let you have the POW to fly them off....have you a couple of ocean going tugs you could send to Rosyth?

[Kiltrash]

That's a great joke, I'm sure Nutty will repeat it and claim it as his own effort 😊

[622]

I havent laughed this hard Prime Minister since you told me how many planes you are going to send!

[treadigraph]

Which genius suggested we British should send you all our submarines? Was it Keir or Elon?

[Confusious]

"Rishi, now you look like a complete helmet too!"

[MPN11]

“Chinese balloons? Trump says it’s one of his used condoms!”

[Kiltrash]

This is my underground bunker when that Kay Burley comes calling....they both said.

[Kiltrash]

Mattel release the first image of their action man toy for Christmas 2023

[Kiltrash]

First signs of hypoxia begin to set in above 10000 feet

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/906x604/image_49504fc18a32e68b74dc014655d929df3bfc7330.png

[sealo0]

OK so who’s the comedian!

[NutLoose]

I heard Kiltrash was only going to put in one entry for this competition.

[NutLoose]

So when I speak in the house i try to have my mic about this far from my mouth, that way no one knows what the firke we are doing.

[NutLoose]

I don't know why they are diverting us both to Dover, that's the immigration deportation centre....

[Kiltrash]

In a strange twist of fate the RAF's newest Chinook 'BN' was used so as to impress visiting Presidents

[Kiltrash]

Strangely the West all suddenly agreed to supply Ukraine with the newest weapons it asked for....When Oil was discovered under their Wheat fields...

[Kiltrash]

On the 24th of Feb at exactly 11.00 the leaders were seen diligently observing the one minute silence ...
( One rule for them one rule for us )

[treadigraph]

I hear a little fishy will no longer irk you Rishi...

[Kiltrash]

Tell you what, I didn't know the Chinooks had in flight refueling. We must have been up here almost 24 hours..

[Kiltrash]

Could be worse, Salmon might be back on the menu..

[Kiltrash]

Just then they realised they had not been qualified on the under water escape routine

[cavuman1]

Uproarious laughter ensued after Vladimir Putin, the "World's Smartest Man", parachuted from the aircraft wearing a camping backpack.

- Ed

[cynicalint]

Thank Goodness Putin does not know about that window, and if he did, the instructions would confuse him!

[Kiltrash]

Tell me again that one about how you got Non Dom Tax status through your Parliament...when you were Chancellor..

[Kiltrash]

Tell me again just what is a Haggis...

[Chu Chu]

And he even threatened to bomb my predecessor.

He must have confused UK and UKR.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/906x604/image_b0cd5edd48dcd404806d7d3ecdb3cd34063cd1ef.png

[Dan Gerous]

Hah hah hah hah, but no seriously... give me fighter aircraft or I push you out the back.

[NutLoose]

Have you tried the pee tube down the back, Christ these RAF guys must be well hung.

[NutLoose]

So we were thinking of mobilising you a Foreign legion, we have literally boat loads of volunteers arriving every day.

[NutLoose]

So you want more NLaws, we’ll we can start with my Mother NLaw.







..

[Buster Hyman]

We’re using all the donations to buy the leftover kit from the Taliban!

[Wensleydale]

...and then Corbyn fell off his bike.