Caption Competition Mk III

[Buster Hyman]

No one honours tradition as much as the 7th Cavalry.

[Hydromet]

"Sorry, sir, we still haven't found Banbury Cross."

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins, where's your rifle?

I lost it on the ponies, Sir.

[NutLoose]

The magnificent 7 ride again ( the other 3 chose the dodgems )

[622]

(Keeping it topical ...or maybe that should be 'tropical' :cool:)

At the Brize families day, passengers were stuck on the ride for many hours after the floor melted!

[Runaway Gun]

"Whooooaaaaa Trigger !!"

[andytug]

"Yes Sir - we finally found a way for the Lieutenant to call 'ROTATE!' without something bad happening....."

[treadigraph]

I love the smell of WD-40 in the morning!

[cynicalint]

Ther four horsemen of the apocalypse were nowhere near as scary as prophesised!

[SASless]

The Household Cavalry Sim Training lacked adequate Pomp and Circumstance when the Calliope sounded "American Patrol"!

[treadigraph]

"Round, like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel..."

[NutLoose]

Get a move on, Zebedee will be along soon to tell us it’s time for bed.

[NutLoose]

When they said they were going to mechanise the cavalry I had great expectations..

[NutLoose]

Sound the retreat and flick the switch.

[Ninthace]

The pongo version of the goldfish bowl. They think they are really going places.

[NutLoose]

I can’t see this mechanised warfare catching on boss.

[treadigraph]

McKinley's crack squad were all Yes men...

[Chu Chu]

The unit's efforts to prove the Coriolis effect yielded inconclusive results.

[Ninthace]

The idea of firing at a moving target is it is the target that moves, not you, good grief!

[Hydromet]

Now, any left-handers, you will need to sit backwards on your horses.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Round and round and...
Up and down and..
One, two three Kick! One two three..."

[Buster Hyman]

For once, Hoskins was looking forward to his next rotation.

[Kiltrash]

Hi all the Carousel appears to be slowing down so last call please...get them in the prize Tombola will spin on Friday at 08.00...

[Chu Chu]

Damm, this is frustrating. As soon as I get the right azimuth, the elevation's off

[Kiltrash]

Hi all..dogs walked, breakfast on the go so off to look at the offerings, results soon

I would have had
Son...When I grow up dad I want to be a soldier..
Dad...Sorry son you can't do both..

( variation on a well known Pilots Caption )

or

Dad...Don't worry son, I know tbe duck shooting gallery was closed due to the operator having been Covid Pinged, but they have put targets on the Carousel. ...if you miss don't worry they will be round again..again..again.

and finally

Yomping across tbe Falklands would have been a lot easier if we hsd these in 1982.

[Kiltrash]

This time the winner is Cav with...


Attack! Retreat! Attack! Retreat! Repeat as necessary.

- Ed

Joint runner up is Hydromet with

"Sorry, sir, we still haven't found Banbury Cross."

and Nutloose with

We’re the four horsemen of the apoccolips..apockolyps.. apocalypese… sod it, the worlds end.

Cavuman, AP Mcoy will deliver the trophy later, if not in it will be lobbed over your fence

[cavuman1]

Many Thanks, Kiltrash! I'll post a new picture as soon as I get off the roller coaster.

- Ed

[cavuman1]

Have a go at this one:

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x344/water_jet_soviet_7327fe1a60ec7dff816b83c6019acbf1ba0a335c.pn g
- Ed

[Ninthace]

Pass me that runway friction figure again would you?

[Chu Chu]

Mr. and Mrs. Hoskins arrive for Black Sea vacation, regret reserving jet ski through Google Translate.

[treadigraph]

Though the Committee appreciates the immense effort the Russian team has taken to compete, we do feel your entry is not entirely within the spirit of The America's Cup...

[Ninthace]

More evidence of Russian genetic engineering experiments. An attempt to cross a B-29 with the Beatle's Yellow Submarine.

[Kiltrash]

Madonna pops out the top hatch to wave at her adoring crowds.. ...no one noticed

[MPN11]

Captain Sullenberger had a flash-back moment.

[MPN11]

Illegal immigrants were getting even more ambitious.

[Kiltrash]

Due to Global warming, Hovercraft are found to be ideal on the Denver to Fort Worth sector

[Kiltrash]

The Zlin SRN6 takes a run at the ramp at St Margaret bay.... Almost got to the level part of the terminal

[Kiltrash]

No No Hoskinski The second and third 'C' were meant to be a 'R' and a 'A' ....

[Kiltrash]

The Captain of HMS Astute called his first officer to the periscope , claiming he should have gone to Specsavers,

( other opticians are available )

[Kiltrash]

Proof positive that no functional aircraft could be designed by the Central Committee
or
The plans were leaked to the Soviet Union by Sharky_Ward. Set the Russian VTOL Programme back decades
or
The mad doodles in Cavumans [ age 11 ] Science jotter are brought to life

[Kiltrash]

....and on Fisherman's Blues, Keith will talk about what he landed when he had a trip to the Caspian Sea..

[Chu Chu]

Estonia finds a use for bits the Soviets left behind. Actually, "use" might be too strong a word for it.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x344/water_jet_soviet_7327fe1a60ec7dff816b83c6019acbf1ba0a335c.pn g

Brains was still working on Thunderbird 6 and ironing out the bugs, when Lew Grade pulled the plug on the TV series.

Parker would have been its pilot, revealed as Jeff Tracey's illegitimate eldest son, Wally...

[Copenhagen]

Just mark it down as a small fuel leak Yevgeny.

[Ninthace]

If it looks right it flies right, heck, that thing don’t even float right!

[NutLoose]

Yes, I know that the West have spy planes with multiple electronic devices to help them snoop on us, but I tell you comrade this giant set of roof mounted binoculars is the way forward.

[NutLoose]

The Russian / French offshoot of Sepecat, SeaCat launch their new high wing twin jet that struggles to get out of ground effect, a specialty of the parent company..

[NutLoose]

Having lost World Heritage listing Liverpool Council decide to scrap their new Mersey Ferry.

[NutLoose]

Da, it’s built from the parts bin.

[Kiltrash]

The powerplants? Well they were left over from the American B-52 re engineering project

[Kiltrash]

Armaments? Well with 12 lift engines, weapons were a afterthought. .

[Kiltrash]

Major Gant thought he was being sent to steal the latest Soviet Fighter Jet. Descides to re visit his contract

[Kiltrash]

Not even Maverick was tempted to fly this death trap.

[Kiltrash]

This way comrade we can get inside the British Territorial Waters. They will never know we are fishing for their Cod....

[Kiltrash]

Think the " Birdman " challenge off Brighton Pier has gotten a bit too serious

[Kiltrash]

At the Annual August Bank Holiday " Who can fly the lowest under Tower Bridge " challenge, The Russians are a surprise late entry.

[Buster Hyman]

Too close for Missiles, switching to Harpoon!

[SASless]

The annual Flood bus awaited its new livery and modification to right hand drive.

[cattletruck]

Startup announces plans for a fast ferry service across the English Channel.

NB: If you like looking at sophisticated metal fabrication then have a squiz at this site https://englishrussia.com/2010/09/06/a-weird-soviet-plane-vva-14/

[Dan Gerous]

Our brave comrade spies in the UK, covertly obtained plans from great British inventor, Heath Robinson.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Prime Minister, as a Island Nation we need a new Boris Force One. This one should fit you to a Tee
Overweight, blows a lot of hot air, and most importantly Promises a lot but failed to deliver..

[Kiltrash]

There after a Zillion Roubles and a million man hours finished well in time to show off at the world renowned Cosford Air Show

[Kiltrash]

Just wait and see what happenes when we get her up on the planes' we can chase these damm Somalian Pirates...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x344/image_fa7f396f6a936882947fc9c1c1db122c930af72e.png

[Ninthace]

And if if our surface to surface missiles don't work, we close with the enemy and they die laughing.

[NutLoose]

And you have to ask why we deploy Beluga wales?

[Chu Chu]

Hitler abandons plans to conduct Anschluss as a false flag operation after von Zeppelin von Hoskins confuses Austria with Australia.

[NutLoose]

We built it to launch the Kipper anti ship missiles, but it all turned out to be a bit of a red herring.

[NutLoose]

Audi were so embarrassed by it they removed two of the rings off the roof to hide their involvement.

[NutLoose]

Does it submerge?

Yes unfortunately, but we are trying to fix that.

[Kiltrash]

Arn"t the searchlights supposed to point down to the water and when they meet we are at the correct height?, asked Gibson
Details mear details dear boy replied Wallis.

[Kiltrash]

If Australia had been discovered by the Russians, this would not be an unusual sight in Rose Bay.

[Kiltrash]

Putin's time is very valuable and restricted, however he did have time during his daily 10 minute bath to be shown the new heavy bomber
Not impressed he said to " Bring it back when it has more engines that the America ones"

[Kiltrash]

On the sales tour of North Korea the reception eventualy turned hot and cheerfull, when Great Leader showed appreciation. ...

[cavuman1]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/504x414/yakof_smirnoff_9d0ff435d5481ec23c0c17818a6cfa1d1b717023.jpg
I haff had to zend Ed to Chernobyl to score more wodka. He iz tellink me zat das kompetition vill be decided tomorrow at 2100 GMT. He says you lot are a very funny bunch - I am konkurink!

- Yakov Smirnoff

[treadigraph]

Is that thing Slovak?

No, it's usually Russian whenever I see it in operation... and how did you know my name is Vic?

[Kiltrash]

The Spotters at London City got the shock of their lives when they heard a noise behind them...
However the Gunnery Officer on HMS Belfast saw this as a good opportunity for a bit of target practice. ...

[Kiltrash]

Beardy Branson sees this as a perfect opportunity to re take the Blue Riband trophy

[Copenhagen]

Plans for the latest Icelandic low cost carrier are based on taking advantage of lower lease value wide bodies and slot availability in the Hudson. The hunt for type rated crew is a challenge though. .

[Ascend Charlie]

Chewbacca was a bit concerned about the performance of the Milennium Sparrow.

[ShyTorque]

In view of the possibility of the Doncaster Sheffield base being flooded due to climate change, NPAS announce their replacement for the Vulcanair.

[cynicalint]

It does not matter how much I alter the angle of the engines, I still cannot get the building into the rear cargo bay!

[Buster Hyman]

No, I said I'd like a Martini!

[Dan Gerous]

I don't know Ivan, space tourism? I can't see a future in that..

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x344/water_jet_soviet_7327fe1a60ec7dff816b83c6019acbf1ba0a335c.pn g

[Dan Gerous]

Call it C3P 19K172, paint it gold and we're in the next Star Wars film

[Ninthace]

Not sure we need the wings to get the ground effect. As soon as it starts moving the Earth will reject it.

[Dan Gerous]

If it looks right,it will fly right. Looks like we've got a kick arse submersible.

[Chu Chu]

"I hope it does well in the trials."

"Hope, Comrade? Surely you know that uncertainty about the outcome of a trial is a capitalist weakness."

[SASless]

If BAE had built the Mini!

[Kiltrash]

Comrade, only another 254 wekly issues and we will enough parts to build a Cessna 150 so we can fly over the Berlin Wall to safety....
How about this aircraft? Looks ready to go.??
What do you think I am? MAD?

[Kiltrash]

Dicky Attenborough voice...
....and in the Airfix factory a unfortunate error in the automated kit filling machine leads to a previously unknown species....which so far scientists have been unable to replicate.

[Kiltrash]

In the ops room of the QNLZ, the Captain tries to descide what asset to send to neutralise this threat, HMS Defender, HMS Astute, F-35, Merlin, Cooks Dumplngs, Jonesy in a rowing boat? Eventually decides to just sail further into the Black Sea.

[Chu Chu]

Hoskinski wasn't sure whether they asked for a "pontoon" aircraft, or a "cartoon" aircraft. So he covered his bases.

[Chu Chu]

Religion is the opium of the people. But whoever designed this wasn't smoking incense.

[Kiltrash]

Owing to flooding in London, Deliveroo have to bring out the Heavy Metal to ensure the food deliveries get through

[cavuman1]

The gods, wearied by the weak human attempt at a sporting contest in Tokyo, turned their gaze toward the Olympiad of Comedy - the mighty PPRuNe Caption Competition! Stately Mount Olympus shook with their sonorous laughter as they perused the contributions of the membership, which, they supposed, all had side gigs as comedy writers. Their raucous guffaws were replaced by wrinkled brows as they attempted to decide who should mount the podium.

So it came to pass that the Bronze was hung about the handsome neck of Ninthace for his commendable "More evidence of Russian genetic engineering experiments. An attempt to cross a B-29 with the Beatle's Yellow Submarine."

Next, the Silver was gladly given to always-hilarious Kiltrash for "Due to Global warming, Hovercraft are found to be ideal on the Denver to Fort Worth sector."

Finally, the treasured Gold was presented to true wit Copenhagen for "Just mark it down as a small fuel leak Yevgeny."

The hallowed Coffman Trophy is on its way to you via Ekranoplan if I can figure out where to spray the can of Start Ya Bastardski. All other contestants will receive an autographed photograph as shown below:

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/125x163/gordon_tracy_thunderbird_2_8daa29261b7ec516885b7d322c4e50410 3f702d2.jpg
Thunderbirds are.................................. OUTTA HERE!

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for picture
Prime Minister return from holiday to Italy. avoids Covid Regulations citing a little known rule that comes with Diplomatic Immunity

ps well done Copenhagen

[NutLoose]

I have sent him / her a pm, it might be new to them.

[cavuman1]

I did send a PM as well, Nutloose, to advise him/her of the victorious entry. That was 22 hours ago; I have received no response. I wonder if Copenhagen is actively pursuing his/her 737 career and is airborne as we speak?

Shall we wait until 0800 GMT tomorrow and declare Open House if no response from the victor?

Make it so, #1!


https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/620x450/embarassed_captain_piccard_star_trek_248c157256ca25fb87872bf 1e43d4d5cfb02c0ff.png


- Ed

[Kiltrash]

If I may as runner up offer this..
We all should know the story and no one was seriously hurt
Judge in 48 hours so we can move on
thanks K

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x532/1626119927312_46a6d12445e2f000828723aa5fdf9eb571499c9e.jpg

[Hydromet]

I was right, my wife does have someone who drops in when he thinks I won't be home.

[andytug]

For the last time Hoskins - you shout "One hundred, two hundred, three hundred, Check!" and then pull the ripcord, not count to one hundred, two hundred, three hundred!!

[MPN11]

"If you come home pi$$ed one more time, we're getting a divorce."

[Dan Gerous]

No safety boots or hi viz vest, good luck with the insurance claim mate.

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x532/1626119927312_46a6d12445e2f000828723aa5fdf9eb571499c9e.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

Hello Argos? I ordered a chute for the kids, not a big kid in a parachute!

[treadigraph]

Would you like a nice cup of tea?

[treadigraph]

I normally shoot uninvited guests but in your case I think I might be outgunned...

[treadigraph]

All because the lady loves Milktray...

Chocolate? You think my wife wants chocolate? Have you seen how fat she is?

[NutLoose]

You could at least dry the bloody dishes....

[NutLoose]

So you're not marching out of your quarter today?

[NutLoose]

This cooker is bloody filthy.

[NutLoose]

Naaa, drone delivery by Amazon is all bull****, trust me, I am the reality behind that mask.

[Ascend Charlie]

Hoskins was ready to go to the fancy dress party as a paratrooper, but he slipped on the floor, fell down, and smashed the Toblerone everywhere.

[Chu Chu]

Parachute accidents go through the roof.

[Chu Chu]

You said I could just drop in.

[Ninthace]

By the way, your chimney needs pointing

[Chu Chu]

Telling Hoskins about BASE jumping may have been a mistake.

[cavuman1]

Fortunately, both black boxes were found immediately after the accident.

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Cactii, am I in Mexico? I appear to be on the other side of the wall...

[NutLoose]

I'm part of the strike force, we are taking part in the War against Terra.cotta...

[NutLoose]

Doooo You Speak English?????

I certainly do old chap, your's is pretty spiffing too my good man for a johnny foreigner... pray tell me my old bean, what flea bitten back of beyond have I landed in?

America.....

[NutLoose]

Yes old chap I appear to be fine, thank gawd for those two Chihuahuas under me that broke my fall, they really cushioned my landing...

[SASless]

Hoskins would do anything to be noticed by Command!

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins looked forward to a night on the tiles. He should have picked stronger ones.

[NutLoose]

WILMAAAAA!!! We’ve got another illegal..

[MPN11]

“Hello, I’m from Kitchens Direct, and I’m here to help.”

[Chu Chu]

Okay, there's a paratrooper in the kitchen. But what about the elephant in the drawing room?

[treadigraph]

You think you're having a bad day? Your mate is stuck arse up in the chimney!

[treadigraph]

Maaate! This is Las Vegas! Give us six numbers the wife can stick on the state lottery...

[treadigraph]

Cigarette?

Thanks awfully old chap!

[NutLoose]

You do realise Bill they will now nickname you Bungalow Bill because you and we have **** all up top.

[NutLoose]

If you’re going to Chuck up in that big brown bag, please don’t do it over me mate.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x532/image_bbb28c331b908309027fe880d3c20295b8563459.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry mate, I’m special forces, I’m not here…. What hole?

[SASless]

Jeez....look what the Cat dragged in!

[Big Pistons Forever]

The untold story of why Prince Harry, despite qualifying for jump wings, ended up iin an attack helicopter.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Wow my Sargent suddenly looks much more attractive !

[Big Pistons Forever]

I know the housing market is wild but don’t you think your attempt to get the first offer in is a bit over the top?

[treadigraph]

They'll use the Fulton Surface to Air Recover System to pick you up, you say... what's that when it's at home?

[622]

(One for the UK..)

For the last time Schofield....I don't want to sell my car for cash!

[NutLoose]

We noticed you were not taking our calls so we decided to drop in, so....have you ever been mis-sold PPI or are unaware of it?

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x532/image_bbb28c331b908309027fe880d3c20295b8563459.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Boy. was that some night on the tiles, and I can't even remember drinking..

[Kiltrash]

Keep em comming, entries closing 09.15 UK Thursday prompt. Don't miss out, once in a life time offer.
( I'm off to Zumerset again on Thursday with no guaranteed wifi..)

[622]

Trooper to homeowner "I would run if i were you mate.....the next aircraft is dropping the vehicles!"

[cattletruck]

I don't really care about your story, you are not leaving until you try my cooking.

[NutLoose]

Yeah..were multi-national, you've heard the expression it's raining cats and dogs, well in this case it's Brits and Frogs...

[Dan Gerous]

Nah mate, this is where Donna cooks, you want Donna Nook.

[622]

"Sir, please call a Doctor......I think I know where your TV aerial has gone!"

[Chu Chu]

"One if by land, two if by sea" doesn't quite seem to cover it.

[treadigraph]

Kiltrash's arrival in Somerset didn't go precisely to plan...

[treadigraph]

You bloody idiot, it's parrots you're supposed to be shooting at, not paras...

[Chu Chu]

After one too many encounters with armed homeowners, Santa goes tactical (or tries to . . .).

[NutLoose]

In the Irish Army mate we learnt not to pull ones ripcord until 10 foot off the ground... that way if it fails like yours did mate, anyone can jump from a height of 10 feet and survive.

[Dan Gerous]

No panic mate, I'm alright.
F*** you soldier boy, Keisha needs a wedding dress, roll over.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Next time I think I will figure out a better way to deliver the CAPCOM trophy…….

[fitliker]

Your in trouble laddie , she just washed that floor and you have gone and spilt your marrow all over it . Better crawl away while you can .

Chute failures are sometimes called a bounce , Apparently this fella has invented a new sport . Hopefully he is on the mend . Ouch .

[Kiltrash]

Times up, Please do not enter as you may still be charged but you will not be entered

Mine would have been along the lines of..

...and in other news, Police in Denver were able to rescue Sgt McNab who after a parachuting accident had been held against his will by local resident Mrs Higginson (66) whose third husband had died of sexual exhaustion.
Mr McNab had been. missing for over 5 years and been posted as AWOL. Later told reporters that it was horrible and she made demands on his body he had not seen since basic training in Hereford.
or
...well I was escorting Mr Bond back to Mr Goldfinger's Secret Lair and I had a gun to the English man's head....That's the last I remember...
Or
The last I remember was my Pilot saying Eje...
Or
Ah Mr Copenhagen you do realise you were the winner ....

Off to have a look at the entries while I have my soft boiled egg and medication

[Kiltrash]

In a close run thing, we have joint third place.

Treadigraph with

Kiltrash's arrival in Somerset didn't go precisely to plan...

and BPF with

Next time I think I will figure out a better way to deliver the CAPCOM trophy…….

Runner up however is 622 with

"Sir, please call a Doctor......I think I know where your TV aerial has gone!"

However the winner this time is Chu Chu with the simple but elegant..

Parachute accidents go through the roof.

Over to you Sir

[NutLoose]

Surely it is over to Copenhagen if he is about.

[Chu Chu]

Thank you Kiltrash!

Absent any objections, I'll post a new picture if we haven't heard from Copenhagen by 0200 CET. (It's either that or send Admiral Nelson in . . .)

[Ninthace]

Thank you Kiltrash!

Absent any objections, I'll post a new picture if we haven't heard from Copenhagen by 0200 CET. (It's either that or send Admiral Nelson in . . .)No point. He would turn a blind eye.

[Kiltrash]

Surely it is over to Copenhagen if he is about.

Don't call me Shirley. ..

Caption waiting for Picture

Kiltrash having made it to Somerset,
On the A303
Past Stonehenge
Finds Dial Up has already got here...

[Chu Chu]

So Stonehenge came before dial up?

[Ninthace]

Don't call me Shirley. ..

Caption waiting for Picture

Kiltrash having made it to Somerset,
On the A303
Past Stonehenge
Finds Dial Up has already got here...
But it has not made past Yeovilton yet. From there it is all cans and strings to just beyond Okehampton. Then it is cleft sticks and runners as far as Truro.

[Kiltrash]

Pack horses normally are quicker than Motor car down here, even accounting for the man with the Red Flag...But with Cider in the pub to go with my dinner, Who cares...

[Ninthace]

So Stonehenge came before dial up?
Archaeologists now believe it was a sold state a solar powered server farm used for mining BitFlints

[Chu Chu]

We've reached the appointed hour (assuming my addition is right) and it looks like Copenhagen is still occupied. So let's see what you make of this photo:

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x448/montytriumf35b6024011_87acda1d595c899ef7d21bf7dff4b812755cb4 73.jpg

[NutLoose]

Bloody SatNav, this isn’t Germany, where the firk have we invaded?

[NutLoose]

I’ll be glad when we get a set of legs for him, then we’ll have the full Monty.


.

[NutLoose]

Sir we’re coming up to a checkpoint they want to know if we have any sausages to declare before entering the EU.

[NutLoose]

Ok pull ‘im over, no headlight blackouts, doesn’t ‘e realise there is a war on?

[NutLoose]

“I say translator chappie, what are they shouting?”

”you’re driving on the wrong side of the bloody road, Sir”….

[NutLoose]

“Why are they shouting De Gaulle?”

[NutLoose]

As a Field Marshal shouldn’t I have a Patto… errr Baton

[NutLoose]

No wonder we nearly lost the desert war if you think this is Tobruk.

[Ascend Charlie]

I thought there was a food shortage, why are they throwing eggs and tomatoes?

[treadigraph]

Where's the ticker tape? I always wanted a ticker tape parade...

Don't you know there is a war on?

[Buster Hyman]

Captured on film. The tragic moment just before Monty put his thumb to his nose & wiggled his fingers and Operation Market Garden failed.

[treadigraph]

These people have all come to see me and applaud my famous victories in several theatres of war? I am indeed honoured!

Nah, they think you're Robert Baden-Powell and want your monika on their copy of "Scouting for Boys"...

Scouting for boys? It was all just lies spread by that rotter Patton...

[NutLoose]

You'll have to speak up, i can't hear a word, damned foreigners....

[NutLoose]

Must not put my other hand up, my tongue out and wiggle my fingers at them....Must not put my other hand up, my tongue out and wiggle my fingers at them....Must not put my other hand up, my tongue out and wiggle my fingers at them....Must not put my other hand up, my tongue out and wiggle my fingers at them............

[Dan Gerous]

Oh, look a McDonald's. Quick, drive through and get me a bacon burger and a danish.
https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x448/montytriumf35b6024011_87acda1d595c899ef7d21bf7dff4b812755cb4 73.jpg

[MPN11]

“Take the next left, Driver. There’s a suspicious looking grassy knoll ahead.”

[MPN11]

A moment later, Cpl Hoskins was poked in his left eye by a carelessly-waved flag on a stick.

[Kiltrash]

Damm good salute by the Automobile Association chappie

[Kiltrash]

Well I saw that Hitler and Mousolinie chaps parade when victorious, What happened to them I wonder

[Kiltrash]

Little known fact that on the VE Day parade through London, Princess Elizabeth and sister Margaret were on the streets, to try and pull some nice soldiers.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Policeman, i'm looking for Copenhagen , to tell him he was the winner

[MPN11]

"No time for a haircut now, but make a note of the location, Driver."

[NutLoose]

Smile, these chaps saved our bacon..

[Kiltrash]

Monty. ....wow look at these fantastic crowds Smithers, they really appreciate what we have done for them...
ADC. ...Yes Sir, but I did tell you it was a mistake going to St Ives, ....during the School Holidays, ....on a Saturday, .... during a Surfing competition day..

[Kiltrash]

Bystander ..Ere get a move on mister, we ere for Mr Blobby. ...

[Kiltrash]

Monty.....White cross on a red background....now don't help me....let me think....i've got it, we're in Japan. ..
Adc.....His Geography teacher must be turning in his grave..

[Dan Gerous]

Turns to Adc, "Smithers, there are more badges on the grill of this vehicle, than on my beret. Get me some more hat badges".

[NutLoose]

“Whose that chap up front playing a flute that we are following?”

”He’s the pied piper, he told the locals he could rid the town of rats, desert or otherwise”

[Wensleydale]

Turns to Adc, "Smithers, there are more badges on the grill of this vehicle, than on my beret. Get me some more hat badges".

Job Done, Sir!

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/276x303/monty_984ca01348c30a1991955a63097a65eaf75cc4a1.jpg

[Chu Chu]

I'd say things were slowing down, but that might overstate the initial rate . . . . I'll call this one tonight and give someone else a shot.

[cavuman1]

Due to the teeming crowd, the Bronderslew Lonse almost sold out of doingleheimer cherchetkbas. Fortunately, the skeilbagatoom truck was close enough to deliver replacement schprekenzies just in time!

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Adc....you know Monty, one would have thought the locals would have been a bit miffed with all the damage we did you their village, Cassino

[Kiltrash]

I like the sign on the outskirts, " Monte Cassino welcomes carefull drivers, please park your Panzer / Churchill / Shermans in the park and ride car park..."

[NutLoose]

Sir, they’re shouting can you get out of the bloody way, you’re blocking the NAAFI wagon.

[Kiltrash]

...and finally..
Sir, Sir, while your taking the victory salute from the greatfull locals released from the tyranny of 4 years under the jack booted enemy, can I ask you to have a look at our latest casualty figures. ....
Smithers ,... don't bother me with mere details, details...

[NutLoose]

Five ice cold pints of Carlsberg please, I told John Mills the stuff doesn’t travel Alex old chap, you wait until you taste it.

[ShyTorque]

If I keep on waving they might not notice the join right down my car’s radiator!

[cynicalint]

If I move my hand, this sign will fall off my head!

[Big Pistons Forever]

So what kind of parade does Monty get when he actually wins a battle ?

[Wensleydale]

Monty doesn't realise that his driver has joined the train for the Tour of Denmark.

[Chu Chu]

Okay, here goes:

Runners up are:

MPN11 with: "No time for a haircut now, but make a note of the location, Driver.", and

Big Pistons Forever with: "So what kind of parade does Monty get when he actually wins a battle ?"

But Nutloose got in early and made me snicker the most with: "I’ll be glad when we get a set of legs for him, then we’ll have the fully Monty."

Take it away, Nutloose. The CapCom trophy will follow shortly via Delta, delta permitting.

[NutLoose]

Ok guess the cap comp caption while Copenhagen sorts out a picture.

Thank you very much, ok, see what you can do with this :)

[Wensleydale]

"Don't know why the coffee tastes like mud. It was fresh ground this morning!"

[Wensleydale]

Production starts on another batch of London beer.

[Kiltrash]

Thought the Honey Cart was supposed to suck

[Kiltrash]

Clarkson's Farm suffers another technical malfunction.

[Kiltrash]

In Somerset the Happy Campers don't mind a little drizzle, just don't send Prince Charles for a moral boosting visit.

[Copenhagen]

The manual never said which bio fuel to use.



(Apologies for not responding to the winning messages last week - I was on a beach in Italy! - Can i still choose a photo? )

[treadigraph]

OK. we're ready to start pumping... have the Commandos positioned the outlet pipe over the German's position yet?

[treadigraph]

Bloody Monty. Pees all over the camp 'cos he can't hold his beer, then buggers off on some egotistical victory parade.

[Hydromet]

On the Officer Selection Course, candidate Bloggs thought he'd demonstrate his initiative by finding an alternative to spanning a 3 metre creek with a 2.5 metre plank.

[Ninthace]

There’s your problem! It’s in reverse!

[Ninthace]

Typical RAF, one engineer beavering away and everybody else stood round with their hands in their pockets!

[Ninthace]

Right, now we have everybody’s attention, you sneak off and nick that bike. Should fetch a pretty penny down the market.

[NutLoose]

The manual never said which bio fuel to use.



(Apologies for not responding to the winning messages last week - I was on a beach in Italy! - Can i still choose a photo? )

yes you can, I will end this one and you can put up a picture… so add a picture and I will end this.

[treadigraph]

Brown Windsor soup for lunch again then...

[Kiltrash]

There we've sucked out the slurry for you Farmer John, Now you can reopen the parking for Glastonbury
or
..the spotters at Mildenhall
or
....Copenhagen sends his thanks, thought he was a gonna there

Ps welcome back, I see you only have Dial up in Italy like I have on holiday...

[Chu Chu]

Wow! I'd say folks have colorful imaginations, but I'm not sure brown's a color. Nutloose, maybe you can put the picture back, once we're elbowing our way down the Strøget? SSDD, maybe, but I'm curious what everyone's been captioning.

Welcome back, Copenhagen! (I've heard about Italian beaches -- or was Marie Antoinette Austrian?)

[Copenhagen]

Maria Antonietta was too busy with cake unfortunately.

my photo of choice.


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/880x660/e9c5ddf2_1d90_4fa0_bb44_c803ceeb7827_cf827c85a1aaf1f0e9aa404 496e5eed7755e260e.jpeg

And to Kick it off

‘Panic sets in as someone shouts Tunnel! ’

[MPN11]

First Class was full, but at least they all got a seat eventually.

[Ninthace]

All I said was I seemed to have lost my sense of smell and felt like I had a cold coming on. Next thing I knew, I had the train to myself.

[treadigraph]

Toto, I've a feeling we're not on the 7.43 to London Bridge any more...

[treadigraph]

Bloke in shades: Ohhhh... yaaaaawwwwnnnn! God, I had this awful nightmare that I was in a flooded field surrounded by Army types...

[NutLoose]

When I said I wanted to experience roofies, I meant Rohypnol as in the tranquilizer.



​​​​​​…

[Kiltrash]

As Alton Towers fully reopens, the monorail from the car park struggles to cope

[Kiltrash]

The Dehli to Mombai express ....conductor shouts ....plenty of room inside, but the air conditioning is broken...
​​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

Not enen the Daily Star would publish a picture of Naked Train Riding.....Well at least there would be plenty hand holds.

[NutLoose]

I've never understood it, since they opened the Channel Tunnel it seems the logical way to slip into the Country. Odd that we never hear of anyone getting in though...

[NutLoose]

Next time we ride up front, all i can smell is damned feet

[cavuman1]

"My kingdom for a chamber pot!", cried Venkatanarasimharajuvaripeta a/k/a "Pete".

[treadigraph]

Oh, we're leaving (leaving)
On the midnight train to Jaipur...

Would any kind sir be knowing the words to The Ballad of Casey Jones?

[cavuman1]

The Jungle Cruise ride at Disney Mumbai proved to be a popular E-ticket attraction.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

The James Bond producers are forced to rethink the opening scenes to Skyfall

[Kiltrash]

At Copenhagen Centraal there was a late switch from a double decker on platform 7 to a local stopper

[Kiltrash]

The ' Spotter Express' into RAF Leuchars was over subscribed when it was announced that Black Mike was displaying.

[Kiltrash]

While travelling backwards the photographer was very surprised to find a bridge had been built since he last rode this sector...

[Copenhagen]

The reforestation of Staines has meant living space is at a premium.

[NutLoose]

Ohh sh*t, the man on the carriage ahead has ordered soup.

[Ninthace]

And so the Darwin express sets of to find a winner.

[NutLoose]

Look all I know is social distancing is different because we are outside.

[Chu Chu]

Management demanded a reduction in overhead.

[Kiltrash]

At Staines-on-Thames the airport express to T12 was proving inadequate. ..