Caption Competition Mk III

[Chu Chu]

Rumors spread that the car had a pantomime on the roof.

[Copenhagen]

Carriage 5 is only for passengers seeking assistance or those who need a little more time falling off the train.

[treadigraph]

The proposed upgrades to East Croydon station and the notorious Selhurst junction are already having a knock on effect, despite being several years in the future.

[Copenhagen]

On the express menu today are mosquitoes and dragonflies. Should you be interested, just open your mouth.

[Kiltrash]

Man in Sunglasses , for ease of recognition we'll call hin Bert, says I have a text...

[Kiltrash]

In Croydon as the coroners court says it was not a accident the locals take to riding the roof as safety concerns mount

[Kiltrash]

... finally tonight as I am leaving the White Swan after a particularly enjoyable evening meal, with free wifi, I head back to the Motorhome with ringing in my ear...
" Tickets Please .."

[Kiltrash]

Ps Treadigraph, great minds think alike ...goodnight

[Big Pistons Forever]

The MOD has acknowledged that there is a possibility that relocation expense funding might have been cut too much.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Think bubble over Michael O'Leary's head

" It will revolutionize ULCC airline travel !"

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/880x660/e9c5ddf2_1d90_4fa0_bb44_c803ceeb7827_cf827c85a1aaf1f0e9aa404 496e5eed7755e260e.jpeg


Having returned to the White Hart, or whatever it was called so Mrs K Could use the toilet, rather than the Chemical loo in the Motorhome, while I have a nightcap, Bert was heard to say

I have just been pinged by NHS Test and Trace 1953 times, however i don't need to self isolate as

Boris / Cummings tried that excuse
Or
That's my birth year
Or
I'm in a vital profession, foreign Strawberry picker

[Wensleydale]

Kier Starmer releases plans for the Labour Party's alternative to HS2.

[Wensleydale]

The Green Party's vision for a carless society.

[Wensleydale]

Transport for London agrees that some public transport will be made mask free.

[cynicalint]

Extinction Rebellion activists afraid to climb on trains at Stratford, Canning Town, try a different approach where the locals join them instead of ejecting them.

[treadigraph]

Ravi's experiments to prove the efficacy of conveyor belts for launching passenger aircraft had overlooked one vital component...

[treadigraph]

The only drawback to this method of commuting was the slipstream playing havoc with pages of The Times as one attempted to complete the cryptic crossword...

[cynicalint]

Calais to Kent dingy service replaced by emergency rail links.

[Ascend Charlie]

CROWS (IN THE TREES UP AHEAD):
"Cawww, here comes the sushi train!"

[Buster Hyman]

"yes, i'm sorry it's so loud but, i'm calling about your electricity bill and how i can save you money..."

[Ascend Charlie]

The Ewoks were surprised when a giant Speeder loaded with dark-skinned aliens appeared, zooming through the bush on the green planet of Endor.

[Wensleydale]

Does this go to Mornington Crescent?

[622]

Fare dodgers on the 7.52 to Waterloo had to find somewhere else to hide now the ticket collector knew to check the toilets!

[622]

Shhhh...this is the quiet carriage, we are trying to sleep!

[Kiltrash]

Jumping onto the Governments free UBER ride as a incentive to get a Covid Jab, ride share was in the small print.

[Kiltrash]

British Rail trial combined freight/ passenger wagons, well it worked with the B747 CombI
However the Cattle are located on the roof

[Kiltrash]

" There were 2765 on the Roof "
" and the little one said "
" Roll Over "..
" Roll Over "
" So they all rolled Over "
" and one fell out "
" Bump "
" There were 2764 on the Roof "..

" ere Bert, this is gonna take some time ...innit.."
" You got something else to do? "...

[Dan Gerous]

Warp speed Mr Singh!

[Dan Gerous]

And when we hit 88 we'll be going back to the days of the Raj.

[treadigraph]

Down around the corner, half a mile from here
See them long trains turn, watch the surfers disappear
Without seats
Where would you be right now?

[Chu Chu]

The upper deck "surcharge" has put several ticket clerks' children through med school. "I just wish they could put a second 747 on the timetable," chuckled one "some of us have big families."

[Dan Gerous]

The winner of the Indian Michael Jackson look alike competition was disappointed, as he was hoping the organisers would pay for a 1st class seat.

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/880x660/e9c5ddf2_1d90_4fa0_bb44_c803ceeb7827_cf827c85a1aaf1f0e9aa404 496e5eed7755e260e.jpeg

[fitliker]

They said something about safety in numbers when going through Sherwood Forest to avoid being robbed by Robin Hood and his thuggies

[fitliker]

These new Virgin Railways cars are the first class future track to profitability :)

[fitliker]

Just how am I expected to win the Monday morning commuters farting competition without the benefits and aid of a closed compartment ?

[fitliker]

The cleverly designed buckling roof structure provides a natural hammock for sleeping away those long commutes and excellent annual bathing opportunities during monsoon season .

[NutLoose]

Here, what all this about they have added electrification up ahead, my mate told me and refused to get onboard.

[Copenhagen]

City planner estimates of the queue for the ‘hill’ at Hyde Park Corner.

[Wensleydale]

The director of the remake of "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" regrets his decision to use the Sub-Continent" as a location as he shouts "Get the Indians to surround and climb on the Coach".

[Chu Chu]

In India, it's 8 cows in the car and 40 men on top (give or take 100 or so).

[Kiltrash]

At Disney Land Mumbai the Runaway Mine Train proved very popular

[Kiltrash]

During the School Holidays, the travelling fun fair tried to visit as many towns as possible. However as the breaks failed on dead man's curve the passengers were blissfully unaware.

[Kiltrash]

Well we got the Mass Transit bit right, now to work on the Rapid part....

[Kiltrash]

As the annual PPRuNe week end away set off it was discovered they had underestimated the number of ' Lurkers '

[Kiltrash]

Boris has a dream of how HS2 will be a success...
or
has a nightmare dream that his children finally meet up

[Kiltrash]

Reporter ..... Are you concerned about pick pockets being crushed up so close.?
Bert, ..... Quite fancy a strange man fiddling about in my trousers .....

[Kiltrash]

.aaaand finally... for tonight....

Train announcement," If you look to the left you will see the World Renowned Bengal Tiger, If you look to the Right you will see the World Renowned King Cobra. If you look up you will see the World Renowned Vulture and if you look down you will see the World Renowned Rhinoceros. "
" Now any volunteers to get off the train as a sacrificial Lamb so the rest of us can escape? as the train appears to have broken down "

[NutLoose]

We’ve never ran at a profit as we have failed to cut overheads.

[Chu Chu]

You know, you'd be a lot safer inside the car.

Safer? Are you kidding? By the time we could see the paratrooper, it would be too late.

[minigundiplomat]

I don’t really have a view on this, I suspect it will make life easier for many females in uniform and as such, it would seem a positive move. However…..

it’s a bloody long time since I’ve heard anything concerning airpower or war fighting coming from the RAF. I hope the VSO’s recall the primary purpose of the military, amongst all the social experimentation.

[Kiltrash]

At the front a simple Chinese whisper of " I have control ' was totally miss heard into somthing totally not related by the time it reached the rear of the train...😁

[Kiltrash]

Bloody catering truck has run out of Egg and Cress sandwiches again. Why can't they start at the back...

[treadigraph]

At the front a simple Chinese whisper of " I have control ' was totally miss heard into somthing totally not related by the time it reached the rear of the train...😁

A devotee of Hairy *Krishna perhaps

*caption...

[Kiltrash]

....and in other news today, India claim the Gold Medal and a new World record for the number of passengers crammed onto a train. The Irish will respond by asking for all the Leprechauns to gather at Conell street station.

[Copenhagen]

Rumours of 10,000 jobs in Jeopardy resulted in a surge of tickets there to get one of them.

[Kiltrash]

Look darling, I have found a picture of 3000 young men and not a single Mobile Phone in sight. ..
Well if it had been women they would all be telling the train driver he had taken the wrong turn.
https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/880x660/e9c5ddf2_1d90_4fa0_bb44_c803ceeb7827_cf827c85a1aaf1f0e9aa404 496e5eed7755e260e.jpeg

[treadigraph]

Don't you know we're ridin'
On the Madras Crush Express...

[622]

After the loss of several workers the driver was eventually persuaded to slow down a bit on the fruit pickers truck

[Dan Gerous]

Person in red shirt in the distance, "How far back is the buffet on this train"?

[Dan Gerous]

Outside toilet and no TP, should've stayed off the curry last night.

[Kiltrash]

No matter how dangerous this is, and 'elf and safety having a fit, at least Greta was very happy, so that's alright then..

[Kiltrash]

Ali Baba supersized his magic carpet
or
No Hoskins, this is how you fly straight and level.

[622]

Guy in yellow shirt at front of picture

"Hey Bob, this guy has shoes on next to me....I think we had better move - we must be sitting on First Class!"

[Kiltrash]

With 3000 passengers, if this had been in the UK there would have been 3000 different price structures for the same journey.

[Kiltrash]

Moo, Moo, Moo, Moo.....etc
Well what did you expect to hear in Cattle Class ?

[treadigraph]

Tickets please!

(I don't think that one's been done... :confused:) edit: oh, yes it has! Ah well...

[cavuman1]

Ooh, he's leaving
(Leaving)
On the midnight train to Ganges
(Leaving on the midnight train)
Said he's going back to find
(Going back to find)
Ooh, a simpler place and time....

(With apologies to Gladys Knight and the Pips, most of whom are pictured above.)

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

One good curve, and it's the end of the line.

[Chu Chu]

If someone offers you a magic cartop ride, don't assume they're dyslexic.

[Kiltrash]

This way the hijackers can't use grappling hooks to get on the ship train..

Or

Still more comfortable than Azuma or Thameslink

Or

It's slowing down, perhaps we can change tracks

Or

How much longer are we gonna be on the train? 3 days already, and only just on the outskirts of Birmingham. ..so much for HS2

[Kiltrash]

Are we nearly there yet?

or

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "G"
Grass....No
Green....No
Graham...No
Ok you win we give up, what was it?

Great big trees....

or

I'm gonna be sick...

or

How the Nullarbor plain looks in the wet season...

[NutLoose]

Is that Michael Jackson?
It must be, he can afford sunglasses and sandals

[NutLoose]

100 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,
100 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,
And if one johnny foreigner should be pushed or accidentally fall,
There will be 99 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,.

99 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,
99 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,
And if one johnny foreigner should be pushed or accidentally fall,
There will be 98 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,

98 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,
98 johnny foreigners sitting on a train,...

[NutLoose]

These conveyor belts are the way to travel, where are we going?
Somewhere I heard called spoils tip...

[ShyTorque]

“I don’t know who dropped it, but that was one helluva fart!”

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

For some on the annual outing of the New Delhi Bird Watcher's Society, the chance to spot a Whiskered Fanny Whistler in the wild had failed to be excitement enough.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Apparently there's plenty of room at the back?

[Dan Gerous]

Wake up Rajesh, the sleeper costs extra.


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[cavuman1]

At the far end of the conveyor belt, a disgruntled worker realized it was going to be another long day at the Soylent Green factory.

- Ed

[Dan Gerous]

This is the only way HS2 could make money.

[Wensleydale]

Meanwhile, French Police claim that their officers had searched the Eurostar train before it left for Folkstone.

[Kiltrash]

The only way to get permission for a train through the Green Belt on London, was to show a urgent need for additional capacity

[Kiltrash]

The boss of Rajasthan Rail gets a guided tour through the nearly empty carriage. To show they take social distancing seriously.

[Kiltrash]

Train inspector in the cab to the driver....

Ins...Forward Facing CCTV up and running?
Driver ...Check
Ins...Speed?
Driver ...88 MPH.
Ins.....Cow catcher fitted?
Driver...Check
Ins...ok on 3 emergency Stop and " Passengers Do The Funniest Things.." here we come ...3 2 1 and STOP.

[Kiltrash]

Geoff ( Marshall ), and Vicky (Pipe) take All the Stations to the Sub Continent...
Now complain about the state of the London Underground

[Chu Chu]

Man in red shirt:

I can see the Great Belt ahead! Just a little jaunt across Zealand and we can get off.

[Kiltrash]

I'm not saying this train is long, but the driver is in a different time zone...
or
Better put your coat on....
..Why??
Its gonna rain in 5 minutes..
How do you know that??
The man in first class has just tweeted a local weather forecast.
or
Well the stated capacity if 453 seated, 109 standing, don't say anything about lying down capacity, ..so its infinite..

[Kiltrash]

Corbyn has just tweeted he cant get a seat on the 09.50 from Glasgow to London, and he's having to sit in the vestibule..
Lucky he's got a vestibule to sit in...

[Kiltrash]

Guaranteed winner for this...Who??with a name like Chu Chu that there can only be one winner
(sigh) we've gone electric...silly boy

[Wensleydale]

"If you think that this is bad -wait until we get to the airport!!"

[Kiltrash]

British tourists are forced to flee across the border into America to continue their holidays after airlines put up their return flights to the UK
Supply and demand was the reason given...

( Personnal interest in that Son's MIL is Mexican and they got her over for a 10 week holiday in this country under Amber Regulations )

[Kiltrash]

No this is the queue for the beach in Italy, just waiting for the tourists to go home.
or
No this is the queue for the RAF women's barber, the men's is overthere, see no queue
or, ...and finally
No this is the queue for the border into Northern Ireland. The sniffer dogs are checking for Sausages ...

[Chu Chu]

If the team loses, it's all on the coach.

[cavuman1]

This is the queue of patient PPRuNers anxiously awaiting Copenhagen's designation of this round's Coffman Starter Trophy recipient.

- Ed

[Wensleydale]

OK. Which one of you nicked the train's name plate?

[NutLoose]

Does this train ever end?

[Copenhagen]

and the winner of the train spotting (can you actually see the train??) goes to Wensleydale!!

Does this go to Mornington Crescent?

again, short, sweet and we know the correct answer is yes, via Kentish Town.

[Ninthace]

and the winner of the train spotting (can you actually see the train??) goes to Wensleydale!!



again, short, sweet and we know the correct answer is yes, via Kentish Town.

Isn't that in nib?

[Wensleydale]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/976x1468/queen_22c717c88f4de6c6644ea512c214d6bc05c0d40b.jpg
I hope that this is not too soon..

[Kiltrash]

Later, in private, the Queen was heard to compliment Madam Tussauds just how ' Hard ' the Duke was

[Ninthace]

Oh, you've super glued my right shoe to the floor! You are a wag! Wait 'til I get you back to the palace. Then we'll see who's queen!

[Kiltrash]

Jeanette Charles is glad the Queen did not abdicate after the Duke passed away

[Kiltrash]

Duke..." Hurmph " ..That's not the correct stance for a 5 iron...

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ .... well Prime Minister, as you have a
" reputation " with the Ladies, I think I will have a little protection from you..

[Kiltrash]

The leg? Well they have to put the iron bar somewhere...

[SASless]

When giving the "Look"....it smartened him right up!

[treadigraph]

DofE: I'll be bloody glad when this lockdown nonsense is over so I can go and get a proper haircut!

HMTQ: You silly old fool, that's your busby!

DofE: Buzby? Are they still trying to bloody flog the bloody GPO to our sub-bloody-jects?

[NutLoose]

Ooohhh I’ve gone all weak at the knee’s

[NutLoose]

I think I’ll win the fancy dress contest, your Enid Sharples outfit is crap.

[NutLoose]

You think a week on the door is bad, wait until you see the punishment I have in mind for Harry.

[NutLoose]

I said come to ones room in bare skin you silly old fool.

[cavuman1]

Duplicate deleted

[NutLoose]

Someone said they’re would be cake, so I’ve brought my sword.

[NutLoose]

Remember you’re not dressed up like that for show, when Harry and Megan bow, it’s orf with their heads.

[NutLoose]

You may laugh, but it’s gone straight through my bloody foot.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/976x1468/image_ca23a364b4892748afc2837e92053be6088000d7.jpeg

[cavuman1]

PTG: "Do the Mashed Potato!"
Brenda: "We are getting down with our bad self!"
Offstage Audience: Chuckle

- Ed

[NutLoose]

You put your right foot in
Your right foot out
In, out, in, out
You shake it all about

[Ascend Charlie]

Phil (feeling the back of his trousers): "Do farts have lumps?"

[NutLoose]

Let’s hope there are no more chinkies at this do, bloody slitty eyes, I hate them.


,,

[NutLoose]

And why do we all have to wear bloody white gloves, this isn’t pot black you know.

[cavuman1]

Always the practical joker, the Duke of Edinburgh stifles a grin as his Bride steps into his Krazy Glue trap. Never one to be outdone, her Maj gets the last laugh, however, as hubby's dress sword sheath is affixed to the floor and his left hand.

- Ed

[SASless]

HSE has no bounds.....requiring chin straps to be worn under the Lip but over the Chin in case the furry thing topples over backwards....thus minimizing the injury to a elephantine like Probiscus but no broken neck.

HSE Note: Requirement is waived during strong rainfalls due to risk of drowning

[Kiltrash]

Last week I presented myself as Jimmy Saville .....and today, Mathew, I have come as The Queen.
It's a funny old World....init.

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ thinks....Should you not be lying down, pushing up daisies?

[Kiltrash]

.DofE ...now can I release the DNA test that shows Edward is not one of ours...and there was a mix up at the hospital...

[Kiltrash]

Betty. ..on your ar/e they stamped Best Before 2007, so your well past your expiry date....What's it say on mine??

[treadigraph]

Honestly Philip, you mustn't say that during your "grandfather of the groom" speech, they'll have us shot! It is funny though!

[treadigraph]

Winston was quite right... dead birds don't fall out of nests!

[treadigraph]

Oh Philip, honestly! The white eared elephant joke needs you to pull your pocket linings out as well...

[Buster Hyman]

Ooo er. You make me all weak in the knees Phil.
I can see that by your Pigeon toes!

[Buster Hyman]

I'll be going home with a Soldier tonight!
I'll get the car...
LIKE HELL YOU WILL!

[SASless]

She smiled knowing. she wore the Pants in the House!

[Chu Chu]

DofE: Where did these bees come from, anyway?

HMTQ: Didn't you notice the hive on your head?

[Kiltrash]

Phil. ....What's that whirring noise?
Betty...That's my sex aid
Phil...Oh that's good, thought the motor on my Busby fan was on the way out...

[Kiltrash]

Having travelled 30000 light years to Earth from the planet Remulak, the leader finds it quite easy to mingle into the British Royal Family...

[Kiltrash]

Look Phil, for the last time come to the Royal Bedchamber, and this time bring the drinks cabinet on your head..

[Kiltrash]

Later Anton offered to be Betty's partner for the new series of Strictly Come Dancing. " No one really has 2 left feet " he explained

[cattletruck]

Better out than in I say, your Majesty.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/976x1468/image_ca23a364b4892748afc2837e92053be6088000d7.jpeg

[treadigraph]

Haven't I see you somewhere before?

That's funny, I was just thinking the same thing!

[Kiltrash]

I say wife, why have you no medals?
Well i can't give them to myself....and I'm not trusting Charles with a sword...

[NutLoose]

Reporting to dust the headboard ma’am

[SASless]

She giggled to herself quietly remembering her promise to have him stuffed like Trigger!

[treadigraph]

I though "Oh God!" when you said you thought might have offended some people. But Cherrie and Tony Blair...! Brilliant!

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry about me Betty, I got the tailor to stick four Ferrero Rocher to each cuff in case I get peckish.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Philip, you might have all the uniform and medals, but remember I still outrank you... so drop and give me 10...NOW...

[Kiltrash]

DofE ...So how's your day been? Opened anything interesting?
Lillibet. ...Yes just overseen the remodelling for the ' Duke of Sussex " chamber at the Tower of London...
teach them to name their daughter after me without asking first...

[Copenhagen]

When I asked you for KFC, I was expecting a zinger burger, not colonel sanders.

[Beamr]

Ah, this is a caption of Married with Children 2021
Peggy to Marcy: Wait till he finds out what I put in his hat
Al to Steve: Wait till she finds out what I put in her purse

[treadigraph]

Queen: So what have you been doing since you died?

Phil the Greek: Well, I have been spending quite a lot of time in California... you know, never quite fully revealing myself...

Both scream with laughter

[Kiltrash]

I have seen your mum and sister, they have asked you to bring Gordon's and Woodbine with you, there's only non alcoholic wine and ultra light fags here...

[Kiltrash]

So how's Heaven then.??
dunno ..got sent to the basement...

[Kiltrash]

Yes it's great over here, we get to travel through time.....I've been to Doncaster next Wednesday, put all the family jewels on ... crackle hiss ...running in the 3.30
....this is the operator please insert £5 for the next 3 minutes...

[Kiltrash]

Yes, just been over to Harry's house and haunted them....Megan thought it was another earthquake...
Now who's next on your hit list?

oops just realised Treadigraph also has DofE haunting the Royal Family in good ol US of A

[Kiltrash]

Right Lilibet, always said we are young at heart and as String fellows has just reopened fancy a night of Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll?

[NutLoose]

Pig sticker?.. my dear girl, this is a corgi stabber.

[Kiltrash]

One advantage of being a ghost is you get to make pottery jugs with Demi Moor
or
you get to pass thrugh walls in Roedeen unoticed. ..

[Kiltrash]

DofE....Have you seen today's newspapers, that'll wipe the smile of your face
HMTQ.....OK I need you to go and sort out Andrew once and for all....and don't worry you'll get a Royal Pardon

[Wensleydale]

As HM demonstrates her famous Norman Wisdom impression once more, its time to judge, and the winner is:

You put your right foot in
Your right foot out
In, out, in, out
You shake it all about

This is, of course, the new protocol for approaching a member of the Royal Family at an investiture.

Take it away Nutty....

[NutLoose]

Ok see what you can do with this, and thank you for the CST Wenslydale.


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[Dan Gerous]

This is taking forever, are you sure the Chief said move it to Stirling?

[Wensleydale]

"A Stirling effort, chaps".

[Wensleydale]

"The next idiot to call 'Rotate' gets three weeks extra guard duty!"

[huge72]

So this is what happens when you carry out cheap repairs to the runway! Keep pushing its on the Akrotiri Schedule this morning.

[Beamr]

Luckily it's missing air only on the underside, rotate it half a turn and it'll be good to go.

[Chu Chu]

Where's Hoskins with those wheel chocks?

[Ninthace]

To me! To you! No to me!. No to you!

[Ninthace]

It might be easier to push if we off loaded the crew's rations and the pilot's watch/

[SASless]

Bomber Command decided to add Isometric Physical Training for Ground Crew in place of traditional methods.

[SASless]

"Yo Ho Heave Ho!" and the RAF Sea Shanty Singers were created!

[Kiltrash]

After the debacle in Monaco, Mercedes pit crew get Junkers.

[Kiltrash]

SAC Tom Farmer thinks, There must be a better way to change wheels...

[Kiltrash]

At RAF Reculver Beach...
Sarge are you sure this is a wheel??
Yes why,
Well its ticking for one thing and it says " Drop from 60 feet "

[cattletruck]

I know of a tractor at Mossy Bottom Farm that we could borrow a wheel from.

[Chu Chu]

Maybe it would be easier to put a jack under the tail.

[622]

Sergeant "Well done lads....thats a new record...50 mins to change the wheel.....shame it was the Starboard one that needed replacing!"

[622]

The new Stirling 'full motion' simulator was a little labour intensive!

[622]

Guy at the back "Sorry, not sure where to push .....Im from a Wellington Sqn"

[SASless]

The Station Commander noticed the Men seemed quite happy....and ordered them to be messed about a bit till they started to whinge and moan again.

[Kiltrash]

On attachment to America, the men were amazed at the shear size of the Spruce Goose tailwheel


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[Kiltrash]

Well done lads, but I'm sure of was meant to be a 490-105-60, not a 485-110-65. That explains the taxying round in circles.

[Kiltrash]

Call from the cockpit, gear swing check, are the pins in?

[Kiltrash]

How many condoms do you get from a rubber tyre?...
365 if it's a Goodyear....
( hat coat door.)

[Kiltrash]

Whatdoyoumean, no one requested brakes release....

[Kiltrash]

Man arrives at the back...
I've been sent over by Chiefy for a long stand.

[Kiltrash]

Right lads that's her lined up, attach the tow rope and see if the German competitor can beat us for the Gold in the ' Charity Pull Olympic Game '

[cavuman1]

The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round....

- Ed

[cavuman1]

"The inguinal hernia force in these ones is strong" said Yoda, offhandedly.

- Ed

[Ninthace]

I know it’s flat, but it’s only flat at the bottom so once we get it rolling ……

[Ninthace]

Locate but do NOT cement wheel to undercarriage. Now you tell us.


https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/698x875/image_f2c492817c7449914735398143010420f2cc6dc9.png

[Ascend Charlie]

The pilot said "I need a bog", so the ground crew found one for him.

[Kiltrash]

Dunno what I did to upset Chiefy, two weeks ago he had me emptying Latrines, only saved when the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh passed by unexpected

[Kiltrash]

Right, you sure we paid for the " Get You Home " service with our recovery service? Right lads leave it here and it's the AA's problem.

[Kiltrash]

Damm cut backs again, retread gone on this one...

[Kiltrash]

Don't tell me, Hoskins forgot to pack the jack....again..
No Chiefy we have the jack, just forgot the Alloy Lug Nut..

[Kiltrash]

Damm cut backs again. ...Spacesaver spare wheel....

[Kiltrash]

OK Hoskins that's the spare on, but your turn on the Manual Inflation Tube...

[Chu Chu]

After the fifth attempt at a left wheel, the plan to cross-train RAF personnel as infantry was quietly abandoned.

[Big Pistons Forever]

You know I am just not feeling the MOD line of “providing state of the art technology to enable excellence at every level”

[Big Pistons Forever]

This job sure doesn’t seem like the recruiters promise to put me at the “pointee end of the RAF”…

[Big Pistons Forever]

How were we to know those fresh tomatoes were in the garden tended by the wife of the Staish?

[Big Pistons Forever]

I propose we rename this airplane “Sisyphus”

[treadigraph]

Wouldn't be easier if we pushed the bomb trolleys under the aircraft, Sarge?

That's not how we do things in the RAF, Simkins.

[Buster Hyman]

Quick! Roll it off Gibsons Dog before he notices!

[Buster Hyman]

Big Wing my arse! We've got enough problems with this bloddy big wheel!

[Buster Hyman]

At the back: "I don't care if he is Gordon Jackson! He's not pulling his weight up the front!"

[Buster Hyman]

In all honesty, how much taxiing fuel will this actually save?

[ShyTorque]

"Sorry Chief, I think I've just invented Superglue!"

[622]

Quick! Roll it off Gibsons Dog before he notices!

Brilliant! :D

[Dan Gerous]

Hoskins, we're all sweating our balls off, yet you're wearing a scarf. Are you even trying?

[Chu Chu]

Maybe trying a push start wasn't the greatest idea after all.

[Ninthace]

Perhaps we should have put more Brylcreem on the bearings and less on our hair.

[Kiltrash]

Hang on lads think i have it wrong...Lefty Tighteny Righty Loosly....

[Kiltrash]

Hang on lads, think I can hear a slow air leek..
man behind..oops sorry that was me..

[Kiltrash]

Hang on lads, think we need a bit more Lube....You can never have too much Lube.

[Kiltrash]

Due to Covid, The aircraft have been in long term storage. The engineers have to check for time expired items...
Hang on Lads, this tyre is Best Before 1942...

[Kiltrash]

All this effort for a compass swing, what does it matter, 1000 bomber raid to try and get ONE bloody bomb on target ....

[Kiltrash]

2021 at a display at RAF Hendon of Bomber Command, Tarquin asked the teacher
Miss, Miss how on earth did we win the war when clearly there were no Coloured men or Females in the front line?

[Kiltrash]

At Stalagluft VII The escape committee plans for a glider were ....designed by a committee. ..

[Kiltrash]

This? No its carrying Messi' s weekly wage, he did ask to be paid in cash as he doesn't trust the taxman...

[Kiltrash]

At RAF Lyneham the raid for tonight was cancelled as the runway had melted. ....
Nothing new in Aviation ...

[Kiltrash]

....and finally, Michael Caine voice. ....Anyone got a better idea

ok hands up those who thought it would be

Hang on lads I have a idea..😁

[Wensleydale]

"Jack Section! Check In!"

[Big Pistons Forever]

But think of all the money the RAF is saving by selling off all those tugs....

[Buster Hyman]

In all honesty, if we're taking on the Taliban, wouldn't a Handley Page Type O be more appropriate?

[Copenhagen]

The cadets at the Borneo 'flight' school realised that ATPL stands for 'Actually Turning Pneumatics League' in Bahasa.

[622]

Notice to Airmen:
"When working near aircraft armed with magnetic mines...please ensure you remove all rings and watches"

[Buster Hyman]

Hernia Busters Squadron.

[NutLoose]

Roll up, roll up, last orders in the Nutties House of Captions....., scoring either tonight or on the morrow...

It could be you!.... Busters not included :p

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Man at front right: "You blokes keep pushing. Hoskins and I have our work cut out just keeping it straight!"

[Ninthace]

That's the trouble with tail draggers. You are always pushing uphill.

[treadigraph]

Designed by men, built and delivered by women, parked by erks.

[Wensleydale]

The RAF gave themselves a problem when they formed No 574 (City of Liverpool) Squadron.

[Chu Chu]

Looks like there's a big push on.

[Kiltrash]

Air Marshall Teddars has his men take part in the Air Force Big Push....Can't have General Haig desk in Berlin before us.
cr Blackadder 4.

[Kiltrash]

The cook made far too much sticky toffee pudding again. Think we can use it to fill in the potholes

[Kiltrash]

Special delivery of the Coffman Starter Trophy, just gotta wait for Nutty to tell us where to deliver it.
But Sarge how far do we have to push it, can't we just start the engines?
NOO WAY, Greta gets told every time we do that...

[Chu Chu]

NOO WAY, Greta gets told every time we do that...

She should be happy -- they're Stirling engines

[Kiltrash]

....and finally, as Buster is guaranteed NOT to win may offer ( pinch )

Quick roll it off Gibson's dog, before he returns

[treadigraph]

We're going to need a bigger hangar!

[Ninthace]

We're going to need a bigger hangar!
Not a caption.

Didn’t they lop a bit off the wings of the Stirling so it would into the standard hangar with a resultant effect on its max altitude with a full load? Thought I read that on an Airfix kit.

[NutLoose]

Yup and it required a higher incidence for take off hence the main gear.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Hey Nutty, is the guy in the back with his hand on his mates backside, you ?:E

[622]

Not a caption.

Didn’t they lop a bit off the wings of the Stirling so it would into the standard hangar with a resultant effect on its max altitude with a full load? Thought I read that on an Airfix kit.

...or made up by Airfix as they ordered the wrong size boxes :E

(Thats not a caption either!)

[Kiltrash]

Man second from back, Hey Buster get your damm hand off my Arse....and so the legend of Nutty's friendship with Buster was born.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry mate for being a bit promiscous but Serge said to get a firm hold and give it all I had ....

[Kiltrash]

Man at back.....I thought it was a Wellington...


https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/698x875/image_f2c492817c7449914735398143010420f2cc6dc9.png

[treadigraph]

Simkins, for the last time "Bigboy" refers to the new large ordnance we will be droppin' from this 'ere kite on top of Jerry's head - it is not a reference to the Wing Co's ample girth or that strange Nav on F-Fairey's crew...

[CAEBr]

First demonstration of a digital anti skid system