Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

In Canada the Reenactment society are upset at being made to give up their Beaver, especially the VERY hairy ones...

[Kiltrash]

Aye it gets very cold in the Highlands at night, growled McTavish...and lonely simpered McQueen.

[Kiltrash]

The presenters of the Hairy Bikers show get into the mood when recording in the Outer Islands

[Kiltrash]

If we dinna beet them Croats tonite, am off tae the Foreign Legion....

Right off to the match ( fingers crossed )

[Wensleydale]

"Well that's the 500 miles more that we've walked - where do we walk now?"

"Don't know, but can you Boogie?"

[SASless]

Despite their reputation for being dour....the Lads seemed quite entertained by that Kiltrash fella.

[Kiltrash]

Show me the way to Algiers, Where's the recruiting office...?

[622]

Scotlands Parliament shows a draft release of their Christmas card to Croatia this year!

[Kiltrash]

Joy unbounded when England draw Germany / France / Portugal in the next round.

[Kiltrash]

The whiskers? Have ye no seen what Mrs Baxter puts in her Cock a Leekie soop...works as a strainer..

[Kiltrash]

Scotland fans get the good news today they have won 4 free tickets to the Euro 2020 Final at Wembley

[Dan Gerous]

Well we were supposed to be in Croatia, but Crimea was cheaper.

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x817/5274dd2bec404691437a15cf6d88dd5baf19bb90_34dafc06ce3f0b0afb2 26c153a985ddbd00b9802_f03b0ab56ba3ba1b22b915f1df0644c8957685 05_f9e4bc85606ddbfc166f3b3e7eda5e7852bd47c8.jpg

[NutLoose]

NEWSFLASH:

From Kiltrash somewhere in French Morocco....

F*cking Croats!!!!!!!!!!

[Kiltrash]

If yon laddie would stop playing the bagpipes on a night yomp to Mount Longdon..

[Kiltrash]

Three of the Tartan Army are not happy after they discovered it was not a away game....

[Kiltrash]

The lads celebrated after finding a 50 Euro note on the ground in Tbilisi. ...Paid for the whole nights beer, and tip to the lassie, and the taxi to the game...
( true story )

[Kiltrash]

.....and in Reporting Scotland Tonight we are at the finals of the national Scottish Bearded Lady contest.
In a result that not even Paddy Power gave odds on the first prize went to the First Minister of Scotland who was by chance having afternoon tea in the hall on Portobello Beach....

[Wensleydale]

The Daily Record interviews the first winners of their new football competition. Players are shown a photograph of a Scottish football match that shows the ball going into the net and have to put a cross where they think the goalkeeper is.....

[MPN11]

This 2020 staged photo is the latest attempt by the SNP to stir up the voters.
"Make Scotland Grate Again", they said, revealing their lack of skills in basic English.

[Kiltrash]

This way theres no way you can forget a Covid mask when you go out. Nothing bigger than 25 microns can get through

[Kiltrash]

Yes yes look VERY carefully, I'm sure there was a smile when it was revealed England were to play Germany next

[ShyTorque]

"Has anyone seen my beaver?"

[Ascend Charlie]

"Me Busby was only 6 inches high when we sat doon fer this CapComp, and look how big the buggers are noo!"

[SASless]

Frivolity was the signal trait of the Other Ranks of the Aberdeen Militia quite unlike the Officers were embarrassed by such public displays by the troops.

[NutLoose]

Well yeed luck like this if ya lived on iron bru, haggis and porridge.

[Kiltrash]

The inhabitants of the Isle of Skye are delighted to be given Green Travel Status.

[Kiltrash]

On the right, ( as you look at the picture ) Jamie shows how to play his Chanter,

[Ninthace]

Hoo lang's it been?
I dinna ken but it feels like we've been here the best part of a week since he said sit there while people make up funny things to say aboot us.
Nae, it canna be that long and anyway, ae need to gae. Surely nothings that funny?

[Chu Chu]

They told me I could take the Queen's shilling or be transported. I didn't know I'd need ticket of leave from Queensland either way.

[treadigraph]

I'm not supposed to be judging it am I?

Said the bloke in the hat...

[Ninthace]

Ah Doogall - you'll have had your tea?
Aye, and I've been sitting here that long with these two that we're all getting our pensions too.

[NutLoose]

Dressed to impress the guys were ready for the reopening of Ibiza..

[Kiltrash]

Am sure there was branded confectionary and particularly stong Branded Beer here yesterday 😁

( Sorry for any product placement )

[Kiltrash]

Bill Oddie and friends provide additional nesting oportunity for our feathered friends.

[Kiltrash]

...and on Highland TV we present the opening episode of " Love Island " where singletons go to find threesomes

What's a Text asks Douglas?

( Other dating services are available )

[NutLoose]

I'm not supposed to be judging it am I?

Said the bloke in the hat...

I wish someone would, it ran out of funny steam several days ago.

The only person keeping it going is Kiltrash, but then he has an excuse as he hasn't the Euro's to watch anymore, so needs something to keep him entertained. :p

:E

[Wensleydale]

Higgins, McManus and Hendry decided that soldiering was no longer for them, and so began a career in snooker.

[Chu Chu]

Maybe someone should post a new photo to distract us while we wait for the lab results to come back on this one?

[MPN11]

Maybe someone should post a new photo to distract us while we wait for the lab results to come back on this one?
Why not? Apologies for 1950s image quality!

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/2000x873/2d4b746f_bf90_4fdd_b94f_218a8a3977a6_68331c9a425fafd3753c258 b16d62a8f9b39c5cf.jpeg

[SASless]

Age tends to make some think the old is new....just as the guys from Argyl thought as they posed for their School Leaving photos.

[cavuman1]

Tanks a million for your post, MPN11!

- Ed

[MPN11]

“Ah, my Dinky Army!”, said Nicola with a smile.

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins, I told you to put the tanks on the outside of the formation.

I did the best I could sir. Do you want me to unbolt them from under the vehicles next time?

[NutLoose]

Just think of the savings, you could move a complete armoured division to the front, you can get tons of matchboxes in a Herc.

[SASless]

MPN proudly displays the other thing he plays with.

[MPN11]

MPN proudly displays the other thing he plays with.Ah, when I was very young!! Today, that lot would be about GBP 2,000+ in mint/boxed condition. My other toy is now battered and worthless.

[Kiltrash]

Having learnt lessons from the Atlantic Convoy system, General Montgomery advances on El Alamain

or

Doctor showed me this picture and asked what did it remind me off??
Ice Cold in Alex of course.

or

Having escaped from the 4th Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders the Division beat a hasty retreat to the Border

[Kiltrash]

At the Socially Distanced Drive in Movie Night the small children are allowed to get to the front.

[Kiltrash]

Honey I shrunk the Garage, said Jay Leno...

[treadigraph]

Ken Dodd's Diddy Men have a score to settle with Michael Bentine's Potties...

[Chu Chu]

After studying the reconnaissance photos, Command decided to employ carpet bombing.

[Chu Chu]

There's nothing an armored company loves more than a good shag.

[Wensleydale]

I thought that Axminster was on Salisbury Plain.

[Wensleydale]

"Get a move on...Underlay, Underlay!!"

[Wensleydale]

After his court martial, the Armoured Regiment's CO was Cashmered from the Army.

[Wensleydale]

The British Army unveils its new mat camouflage .

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry Sir, I can assure you the Russians have nothing like them, theirs are all full size.

[treadigraph]

After making a hash of the attack, Major Hoskins was carpeted by his superiors...

[treadigraph]

I didn't say there were pansies in the weave, I said there were Panzers on the way...

[treadigraph]

The original screenplay for Fantastic Voyage had been written by an ex Army man. When a former member of the Senior Service took over, the script was changed considerably...

[Kiltrash]

Normally it's a childs small multicoloured building brick toy made in Denmark that you step on

[Kiltrash]

Well that's a new record said the dad to the mum, Andy' s birthday and the must have toy he has badgered us for tbe last 9 months and been opened and discarded in 3.13 minutes....

[Kiltrash]

No no no Mr MPN, the Generals staff car should be left at the Kitchen Headquarters well away from the danger

[Kiltrash]

The whole troop was hoovered up by a cyclonic vacuum machine when Hazel was fed up with her boys not tidying up after themselves. Would not have happened if we had girls instead...

[Kiltrash]

At a stock count it was discovered a Ambulance was MIA, so the family rushed the Collie to the vet who advised to wait a couple of days and the vehicle should reappear

[Kiltrash]

Dad...what you doing son?...
Son...Playing Army maneuvers in Aldershot
Dad ...Why are thay not moving?...
Son...Swipe right does not work...

[Kiltrash]

As the caravan headed west the Indians attacked, and so form a circle defence stratagems were founded

[Kiltrash]

...and finally 😂 as the players line up Garth shows the English new defence formation when faced with a superior German Attacking formation.

[SASless]

Plainly young Master MPN had. never had the joy of a mass movement of an Army Unit.....but did suffer from a very bad case of OCD.

[Dan Gerous]

The inclusive nature of the armed forces is to be welcomed, however, carpet burn will now be classed as self inflicted injury.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/2000x873/2d4b746f_bf90_4fdd_b94f_218a8a3977a6_68331c9a425fafd3753c258 b16d62a8f9b39c5cf.jpeg

[Dan Gerous]

Sir, Private Dyson has come up with a plan to clear the way forward.

[Dan Gerous]

Sorry, did you say the Sahara or Sarah's?

[Chu Chu]

The unit had excellent mobility on rugged terrain.

[Chu Chu]

Decisive victory slipped away when the General hesitated to call his armored reserve on the carpet.

[Ascend Charlie]

"OK, lads, those 2 vehicles on the right are the target, the ones with "X marks the spot", orright?"

[Buster Hyman]

I think I’ve figured out why the CST delivery was late….

[NutLoose]

Well I’ve pm’d him Buster, but he / she / they appear to be hanging on to the CST

[Chu Chu]

Typical air force. Promise us a magic carpet; leave us waiting on the magic.

To be fair, Sir, they say the price tag was supranatural.

[SASless]

The British Army on parade....2021....all of it!

[Kiltrash]

Lt Gruber takes his little tank for a spin outside Nouvion

[Kiltrash]

Amazon take their surplus stock securely to be disposed off as landfill

other suppliers are available

[Kiltrash]

MPN proudly shows his Grandchildren what will be their inheritance

[Kiltrash]

( General ) Brad Whitaker attacks 007 in the closing scene of The Living Daylights.

[Kiltrash]

The British Army obeys Matt Hancocks request to Socially Distance at work

[SASless]

MPN demonstrates why he is over qualified to be head of the British Army having had hands on experience in large military operations.

[Kiltrash]

Ca​​​​​pain Mainwaring. ..this week
" Right men, Until supply comes through with weapons to help us defend Walmington-on-sea I need you all to supply your own, use your initiative please.."
Next week ...at the Church Hall Pvt Pike proudly brings along his collection

[ShyTorque]

"I don't care if he is called "General Jumbo" in the Beano. Tell Alfie Johnson that Field Marshall Mum says get his toys tidied away NOW - or they're going in the bin! "

[MPN11]

From the left ... NUMBER ...
REME
RAC
HQ
Inf
RAMC
RA
OCD Det [out of shot]
... where are the Jockinese pipers? And where is Traffic?

[NutLoose]

Well Ipm’d him. No response yet.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Great Leader our Glorious Army is advancing at Speed towards Seoul after your magnificent rallying call at the People's Congress last week and
call out the Western dogs to challenge us... and we will be in control in a day or two...
GL...What!!...I don't want you to do what I say, it was only a empty threat..

[SASless]

The CapCom Militia comes together to rescue the Trophy....if it only knew where to go.

[Kiltrash]

Suspecting the Soviets were supplying Ballistic Missiles to Cuba, JFK Authorised U-2 flights to get the photographic proof
However after seeing the results the CIA decided to hold them back from the President, and substitute better ones from Getty Images

[Kiltrash]

Are you sure this is the way to...
Amerillo
or
Traffics house..

[Kiltrash]

In the Generals bunker waay behind the front line, the latest PR pictures are looked over, and the HQ Staff fears were quelled when it was pointed out it was the Italian Army they were looking at.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Firstly, many, many apologies for the delay in judging. Life got very badly in the way.
For the topicalness (?), the winner would have been CHU CHU with:
With the siege of Sevastopol being conducted via Zoom, the 72nd Highland saw no reason to change out of its pajama bottoms.
Thanks for moving things along.

[Chu Chu]

Thanks, Traffic! I hope things are going better for you now.

Unless anyone objects, let's freight the trophy on so MPN can award it to whoever he calls on the carpet.

[NutLoose]

We’re just glad you are ok Traffic, we were getting worried for you.

[Kiltrash]

So glad to have heard you are OK Taffic. Best wishes to you and yours

[Kiltrash]

At Otterburn the Army stop for the Sunday Morning bacon rolls.
" Now form a orderly queue lads "

[Beamr]

1958 caption of the King's Regiment paced for a ferry cross the Mersey. Photo credit to certain young lad Gerry and his pacemakers.

[Kiltrash]

Dad bought these when he was told he was to be a father, however was disappointed to have a daughter. This shows how you should not assume anything...

[Wensleydale]

Mechanism had not been kind to the Light Brigade...

[treadigraph]

Captain: Honey, I've shrunk the enemy Tank Corps!
General: Idiot, Darling, you were supposed to be blowing them up! And don't call me Honey...

[Kiltrash]

The Lilliputians advance on Gulliver

[Chu Chu]

Decades ahead of his time, MPN invents a silicosis-safe sand table.

[Chu Chu]

The vehicles performed well on the boreal carpet. But what will happen when they reach the steppes?

[SASless]

For the testing of the mobility of the vehicles in muddy, wet, and adverse biological conditions....MPN has scheduled a test Kiltrash's Lounge floor.

[MPN11]

Thank you all for the levity, much of which was slightly misdirected … it was not on the carpet, but on the tennis court! How apt, with Wimbledon starting tomorrow! Anyhow, with the relief that Traffic is back in circulation, let me see who has been a good boy …

Mentioned in The Spatches

Nutloose … Just think of the savings, you could move a complete armoured division to the front, you can get tons of matchboxes in a Herc.

Treadigraph … Ken Dodd's Diddy Men have a score to settle with Michael Bentine's Potties...

Wensleydale … The British Army unveils its new mat camouflage .

Dan Gerous … Sir, Private Dyson has come up with a plan to clear the way forward.

Runner Up, and also given the CapCom Literary Allusion Prize (CLAP) …

Kiltrash … The Lilliputians advance on Gulliver

Winner, and awarded the 2021 Rolling Thunder Award

Chu Chu … After studying the reconnaissance photos, Command decided to employ carpet bombing.


CST en-route, Sir, well protected! :cool:

[Kiltrash]

When I was a lad we were so poor we did not have a carpet on the lounge floor, we did not even have a floor...

Ps well done Chu Chu

[Chu Chu]

Thanks, MPN! I have to admit I wondered why the vehicles were empty, but now it's obvious -- it was the other side's turn to serve!

I probably should say something else, but I'm not sure what. So I'll just post a picture and get on with it:

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/962x789/4a57176a00000578_5518797_one_officer_of_the_444_siege_batter y_is_seen_smoking_a_pipe_whil_a_1_1521480634853_8085e5816fdd e7fb29b78309e5c6e21eb448a87f.jpg

[Ninthace]

Don't knock that pipe out on this shell or I could be heading for a catastrophe

[SASless]

Hypen-Smyth was in for a rude surprise as he confused the purring sound to be that of the Kitty instead of the clockwork fuse so cleverly designed by Bae!

[Kiltrash]

Major, soon to be General, Doolittle tries to think of a suitable code word for a successfull bombing run
How about Kaiten? ?

[Kiltrash]

Tortoiseshell. ...

[MPN11]

“And this, Kitty, is what we Gunners call a “Salisbury Plane”.

[Kiltrash]

Paul Tiddles is suprised at the size of the first Atomic Bomb.

[Kiltrash]

Right let's see if a cat can still land on its paws when dropped from a great height...

[Kiltrash]

Well yes after its fired the cat cleans the barrel ready for the next shell

[MPN11]

A clearly faked photo, as nobody or any thing was plastered with Flanders clay.

[SASless]

Rupert's sole duty in the Offensive was to feed the Unit Mascot.

[treadigraph]

I was going to follow Gibson's example and signal the operation's success using your name, old boy - but apparently "The Whitey has landed" is a bit colonialist...

[Ninthace]

Teaching Tiddles to fly the shell was only half the battle. The real problem was how to paint mice on the target without the enemy noticing.

[Ninthace]

A theme park especially for cats? Tiddles felt he was not being told the whole story.

[MPN11]

“Well, General Melchett, the science is simple … we use gravity. We just haven’t found a use for it yet.”

[SASless]

Moggy, the Kamikaze Trench Rat Killer was primed and ready.

[Ascend Charlie]

Hoskins, out of sight behind the Officer, practiced his "I'm a little teapot" routine for the Corps Revue.

[Wensleydale]

"Unfortunately, someone ordered the engineering officer to "Blow the Kitty" at the next party.

[Wensleydale]

"I will now give a demonstration of "Cat 5".

[Wensleydale]

We found it in a Hun trench. We identified it as a "Mauser".

[Wensleydale]

The Mess ran out of toilet paper, and so we had to find a substitute......

[Wensleydale]

Cat in a trench? "Feline Groovy".

[Wensleydale]

Brian decided to make a trench art tennis racket.

[treadigraph]

It's a smart bunker buster - if his whiskers can get down a ventilator, the shell will too.

[Wensleydale]

"What passing bells for those who die as kittens..."

Wilfred Owen gets writers' block.

[treadigraph]

It's a re-useable mew-nition - up to nine times...

[treadigraph]

Tennessee Williams, during hitherto unknown military service, ponders a suitable title for his next work... "Cat on a Warm Shell Casing"? Hmmmm...

[treadigraph]

CLAWS - Catapult-Launched Anti-Wehrmacht Shell

[Wensleydale]

"Has that cat been neutered?"

"No - but it soon will have been"!

[Wensleydale]

"Ground Control to Ginger Tom"

[Hydromet]

When Rupert said he was going to 'bang some pussy', this is not what they thought he meant.

[Kiltrash]

...and if the officer prepares to FIRE, scratch him kitty. ..

[Kiltrash]

It's the night vision targeting device

[Kiltrash]

MO Mcgoo diagnosed a badly swollen hernia.

[Kiltrash]

Blofield stokes his pussy as he dreams of World Domination. " What do you think of that Mr Bond ?"

[Ascend Charlie]

Blofield stokes his pussy, ooohh, bit of a Freudian slip there, Mr Rash. Strokes?

[Ninthace]

We are going to need a bigger cat or a smaller shell before this will work.

[Ninthace]

The vibration from the purring kitty and the shape of the munition give Captain Summers an idea. And so a commercial empire was born.

[622]

Alas...that would be the last time Tiddles would s*it in Lt Jackson-Smythes hat...

[Hydromet]

Major de Bange suddenly hit upon the idea of an obdurator ring.

[NutLoose]

They said they wanted a cat able to carry a decent load across the battlefield and drop it with pinpoint accuracy, we looked at the Jaguar but it fell well short of your capabilities.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/962x789/4a57176a00000578_5518797_one_officer_of_the_444_siege_batter y_is_seen_smoking_a_pipe_whil_a_1_1521480634853_8085e5816fdd e7fb29b78309e5c6e21eb448a87f_b9e139ae0f48f3e2706dc99bb31a8fc 739fd9a47.jpg

[NutLoose]

Sorry to feed you that vindaloo, but they specified a cat with reheat capability..

[NutLoose]

Let me have a word in your shell-like.

[NutLoose]

Ok own up, where did you purloin this from?

[treadigraph]

Evil Kittnievel, the Feline Cannonball...

[treadigraph]

Tiddles was so determined to get the sonovabitch pigeon which had been mocking her in the garden for weeks, she called in the RA...

[NutLoose]

The chaps said when it all gets to much, i'd find a bit of pussy up here to talk too, so hello...

[treadigraph]

Before joining forces with Blofeld, the white cat had been an artillery targeting specialist...

[NutLoose]

I'm sorry old chap, but you are being posted, the Navy say they need a cat on their new carriers, so it's been decided the Army will help them out.

[NutLoose]

All my last cat used to drag home were mice.

[Dan Gerous]

Gosh, not to many of you furry ones about these days are there.

[andytug]

"It's very simple sir, the cat goes on top, the buttered toast goes underneath, and thus the shell follows the terrain at a set height until it hits the target!"

[Kiltrash]

I know you wanted to join the USN sir but the F-14 has not yet been designed...you'll have to make do with this substitute

[Kiltrash]

'Teapot ' in the background...
Mr Hancock, think what your wife will think when this picture of you stroking another pussy gets out ."

[treadigraph]

Heath-Robinson's idea for a cat neutering device was thwarted for the want of a piece of string.

[SASless]

Hyphen-Smyth contemplated the similarity between commanding Anzac Troops and herding Cats!

[Kiltrash]

Think of the damage this would do to MPN's Tennis Court ..
Yes but would get rid of these pesky Moles.

[Kiltrash]

Tiddles was always strongly atracted to officers smoking pipes
or
Right who thought it a wheeze to put superglue on the cat? ....

[Kiltrash]

Office Dibble finally gets Top Cat bang to rights with stolen property. ...
( At least it was not a MOD Laptop or Restricted Papers )

[NutLoose]

Those boffins at RFC are working on something called reheat and they say you are a key component in getting it to work, I don't understand the gobbledegook myself, but it seems to involve you being in heat and mounted in something called a Catalickit igniter contraption.

..

[NutLoose]

Yeeesss I'm sorry its come to this, we were using guard dogs but those damned Frenchies kept eating them.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/962x789/image_e9cd5fd8688a17377f37efbf2c9ae66e15a1f8ac.png

[NutLoose]

This war won't last forever and when I get back to good old Blighty I have come up with a wizzo idea, I am going to collect all the feral cats we can find and then bury them up to their necks every ten foot or so down the centre of the road. What do you say to that huh?, a spiffingly marvellous safety invention.

[622]

Hoskins mis heard the command to get his kit on and man the guns!

[MPN11]

We can’t wait for Tigercat missiles to be issued, so this will have to do for now.

[Wensleydale]

This war won't last forever and when I get back to good old Blighty I have come up with a wizzo idea, I am going to collect all the feral cats we can find and then bury them up to their necks every ten foot or so down the centre of the road. What do you say to that huh?, a spiffingly marvellous safety invention.

Percy Shaw, the chap who invented "Cate Eyes", got the idea from seeing a cat's face in his headlights. Had the cat been facing the other way then he would have invented the pencil sharpener. (Courtesy of Ken Dodd).

[Kiltrash]

My revolver pouch? No its full of catnip...

[cavuman1]

Kitty Kitty Bang Bang

- Ed

[Wensleydale]

"How do you make a cat bark?"

"You glue its feet to a solid surface, douse it in petrol and throw in a match. The whole thing then goes "Woooof".

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry, we have renamed the missile system SeaCat instead of SeeCat to fool the hun about the guidance system.

[NutLoose]

We’re running short of charges, so we will fire you by catapult.

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, and when this baby goes off, you’ll see the real Pussy Galore!!!

[Buster Hyman]

Sharks with friggin lasers? Pfffft!

[Buster Hyman]

As usual, there was a little ceremony for Mr. Tinkles’ Ninth mission…

[Buster Hyman]

Well, we wanted to come up with some terrifying noise, like the Stuka. At first, we installed them backwards to get a good whistling effect but, in the end, we found that letting them see what was happening had a similar and more satisying result!

[treadigraph]

Gerry Anderson: No, no ,no! My new series "Thunderbirds" is not going to star kittens, it's not "Tales of the Bloody Riverbank"!

Hapless minion: Sorry sire, I remember now, it was puppies!

Anderson: No, no and thrice no! Puppets!

[Kiltrash]

At his latest filming session, John Noakes gets misty eyed and still misses Shep.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Morgan, so where did you get the idea for your nickname?

[Wensleydale]

After losing the pull-through for his howitzer, Brian had to improvise.

[Kiltrash]

Excellent work Hoskins, I know the USN devised a explosive pack for Dolphins to place under enemy warships, but perhaps we need a bigger cat or smaller warhead before we send Tiddles out on her first mission...

[Kiltrash]

Right Hoskins press Record, I can see £250 coming our way from " Cats do the funniest things "

[MPN11]

Lt McTavish idly wondered if Tiddles was big enough to make a sporran.

[Hydromet]

Lt McTavish idly wondered if Tiddles was big enough to make a sporran.
...or a novel piece of headwear.

[NutLoose]

Hmm... not as much meat as a chicken, but you never know...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/962x789/image_e9cd5fd8688a17377f37efbf2c9ae66e15a1f8ac_d49e2c4ebd1b7 91456105f10895391c72f919df5.png

[NutLoose]

Don't fret, the big show kicks orf at 5pm tonight and we expect to give the Boche a damned good thrashing.

[NutLoose]

Damn these new import export EU regulations, how can we shell the blighters when it takes us 4 days to get the paperwork through.

[cattletruck]

Pipe cleaner.

[MPN11]

Man in background … “There are times when I worry about Lt. Killer-Instinct”

[MPN11]

At the subsequent Field Court Martial, Lt. Blown-Fuse denied smoking khat. “The charge is a mass of typos!”, he protested!

[SASless]

Moments later, Tiddles, exactly like Hyphen-Smyth's Wife back home spurned his attempt at intimacy.

[Kiltrash]

Its a Condor Moment.

( Having learnt his lesson by promoting branded products, Kiltrash has to ensure he qualify it with..)

other tobacco products are available...

[Kiltrash]

As I am not allowed to mention branded products it will be...

" As I can't give her favourite chocolate confectionary, a small kitten will have to do. "

[Kiltrash]

You might have nine lives but i have to make do with only one. That's why I am bravely staying in the rear and you my fine feline friend are being sent to tbe front. Can you take this with you?

[Kiltrash]

Excellent Hoskins....but what is it?
Ah Sir in an attempt to help the NHS vacine more people We fill the tank with Covid Vaccine, Smack the cats ar$e and he leaps across the parade ground, claws out and jabs 20 Squaddies at once.
Reload however still has work to do.

[fitliker]

Caruthers was about to discover why the Chaps called the Little French kitten Claude Mabaws and not Claudette .

[Dan Gerous]

It's up to you mate, but if you put me in there, the youtube twateratti will be after you.

[treadigraph]

Yup, Jerry superglued my back paws to this shell. Hah, but before he could fire it, I taped him to a grenade, pulled the pin and swallowed.... gulp!

[NutLoose]

Ok when we launch this torpedo walking fore and aft you can vary the depth, walking left and right you can steer it, ok?

[cynicalint]

Man in background:-
I told him the best bangs are achieved by stroking a pussy. I think he misunderstood me!

[Ascend Charlie]

"I quite like cats, y'know, but I can never eat a whole one in one sitting."

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins, the Company's method actor, takes his 'Cats bum' impressions seriously.

[Kiltrash]

Despondent. ...Will you come and keep me company in a cave in the Outer Hebredes till mid July?

[Kiltrash]

Despondent. ..it's a Rum old world...init kiltie

[Kiltrash]

Despondent. ...Yet again we can't rely on the Europeans to come to our rescue

[Dan Gerous]

He's carrying on a fine family tradition, his father, grand father and great grandfather were all pull through's.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/962x789/image_e9cd5fd8688a17377f37efbf2c9ae66e15a1f8ac_d49e2c4ebd1b7 91456105f10895391c72f919df5.png

[Chu Chu]

This feels like it's on its seventh or eighth life, so I'll call it tonight.

[622]

Yes, it shines up beautifully if you rub hard enough!

[Ninthace]

This feels like it's on its seventh or eighth life, so I'll call it tonight.Will it be won by a whisker?

[Buster Hyman]

An uprising? In Kenya? ....I have just the man!

[NutLoose]

We rub his scent gland up and down each shell, it sends the Boche dogs crazy running around the craters.

[Kiltrash]

Dick Dastardly in his Army days has a brilliant idea on how to " Stop that Pigeon "

[Chu Chu]

I knew judging would be hard, but did you have to find quite so many ways to skin the cat?

Anyone can let the cat out of the bag, but only on CapCom:

Treadigraph: Heath-Robinson's idea for a cat neutering device was thwarted for the want of a piece of string.

Can you pull the bag off a cat.

And then there’s

Wenleysdale: "What passing bells for those who die as kittens..." -- Wilfred Owen gets writers' block.

Cat got his tongue?

Other ones I loved:

Ninthace: Teaching Tiddles to fly the shell was only half the battle. The real problem was how to paint mice on the target without the enemy noticing.

Wenleysdale: Brian decided to make a trench art tennis racket.

Kiltrash: ...and if the officer prepares to FIRE, scratch him kitty. ..

Nutloose: They said they wanted a cat able to carry a decent load across the battlefield and drop it with pinpoint accuracy, we looked at the Jaguar but it fell well short of your capabilities.

Buster Hymen: As usual, there was a little ceremony for Mr. Tinkles’ Ninth mission…

Then, if you haven’t figured it out, I’m always a sucker for a pun:

Wenleysdale: Unfortunately, someone ordered the engineering officer to "Blow the Kitty" at the next party.

And one along vaguely similar, yet much more exotic, lines:

MPN11: At the subsequent Field Court Martial, Lt. Blown-Fuse denied smoking khat. "The charge is a mass of typos!", he protested!

But the winner of the CST, with that je really can’t sais quoi:

Treadigraph: It's a smart bunker buster - if his whiskers can get down a ventilator, the shell will too.

Well done, all of you. To keep Greta happy, the trophy will be on its way by cat(amaran). Unfortunately, they couldn’t guarantee delivery by the 4th. Oh, wait a minute . . .

[treadigraph]

Thanks Chu Chu, can you hear me purring? :)

I'm actually away for several days (hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive Osprey while visiting family in Suffolk), so hopefully somebody out there in Captionland has a picture they are just itching to use; please do pick up the baton!

[Ascend Charlie]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/856x774/eject_2014941b36d853c9927a6e084e953755644b3779.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

"Whats this chord DOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo.......................... ."

[Buster Hyman]

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to fly!

[Buster Hyman]

Nutty demonstrates his problem of premature ... never mind.

[Wensleydale]

Can YOU set light to a fart?

[MPN11]

"F. O., Hoskins!"

[Hydromet]

"Those magnificent men in their flying machines, they go up tiddly-up-up..."

[treadigraph]

There goes Treadigraph on his trip to Suffolk - quickest way out of Croydon!

(Thanks AC :ok:)

[NutLoose]

Can anyone smell burning?

[NutLoose]

Pinched from jetblast...


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x950/50099111_805940329739293_7250796160275709952_n_aa5c99406fe46 0f6b10dc499f274f5c6b58d8f75_582f7d6e1f2af62b5ab2f90a1d382491 88fedd87_c2e084dbb94d6a34ea5d43bd38b2f8e15e1dc31e.jpg

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/856x774/eject_2014941b36d853c9927a6e084e953755644b3779_0f136145ac243 ea58a689c6430093857bcfc43d3.jpg

[NutLoose]

Captain Oates told his fellow crew he was just stepping out for a moment and could be some time.

[NutLoose]

Flares. that's so the 70's

[NutLoose]

Damn, out of chaff, out of flares, Nav you're up..

Sorry, what did you Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy??????????

[treadigraph]

Ejector seat, you're jokinnnnnnnnnn.....

I never joke about my work 007...

[NutLoose]

Nav, we have burgers in the inflight rations and I want mine flame grilled....

[NutLoose]

OFF TOPIC

Treadi, this is where you need to go

https://www.rivergwashtroutfarm.co.uk/horn-mill-osprey-hide/

and for Red Kite

https://www.gigrin.uk/

[treadigraph]

(Nutty, I meant the tiltrotor jobbies! :) I have seen an avian osprey in Florida and am delighted to see red kites in my neck of the woods now - think a pair have taken up residence just west of Biggin and they are quite wide ranging. Buzzards are commonplace now... cheers, Treads, currently somewhere near Duxford en train...)

[MPN11]

There was just one drastic method of avoiding an Osprey strike ....

[622]

Note to Irish pilots.........

Please when flying do not call your WSO an 'eejit!'

[Kiltrash]

Mobile Cat Attack System...
Oh Sh1t we have moved on...

[Kiltrash]

Having turned up at the reunion of ejectees Hoskins was thrown out for not wearing the MB Tie

[treadigraph]

As Treadigraph spotted an Osprey at 11 o'clock, he unthinkingly tried to pull himself up to get a better view using the bar above his head...

[Kiltrash]

At the statue unveiling, Harry and Wills were shown Mercedes latest car safety system. Airbags are so old hat.

[Kiltrash]

...and Treadigraph goes click with his box brownie to get the perfect air-to-air snap of Marine one.

[Kiltrash]

As Treadigraph goes through Duxford on the Thameslink he is discovered hiding in the train toilet without a valid ticket by the inspecter. Now normally we wait till the train stops before throwing the fare dodger off explained Nutty, but it's better this way and improves everyone's chances of winning the Cap Comp next time.