Caption Competition Mk III

[ACW599]

The new head of OASC brought some innovative ideas to selection procedures.

[Chu Chu]

Are you sure we weren't supposed to deploy to the South Pole? I can never keep Arctic and Antarctic straight.

[Chu Chu]

This place is for the Byrds.

[Kiltrash]

Bloody typical init? Bert gets Covid and has to self isolate in the only tent
or
In Wales the contestants wished Australia HAD opened up for " I'm a Celebrity. ." But ITV had to quickly make alternate arrangements. ...and the bloody Castle was having ' repairs '

[SLXOwft]

Keep them coming:), I will judge tomorrow afternoon zulu.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1000/image_62e6abdf711f81d9635254953542dd1f8c931d9f_jpeg_1f837938 c1198766e847f86a047834a037e30b88.jpg

[NutLoose]

Bugger, I've spilt my cocaine...

[NutLoose]

When you said we were going to the Winter Wonderland, I thought you meant Hyde Park.

[NutLoose]

I'm sure we were meant to turn right at Poland you know.

[NutLoose]

Ok the tents are up...can we...can we.... can we start on the Snowman Sarge.. Pllleaaaassseeee

[Chu Chu]

I just got text from wife -- she says she's leaving me. I knew it was a mistake telling her I was getting no sleep because of Aurora Borealis.

[Kiltrash]

Jock McTavish was heard telling his mates they are nothing but a bunch of Pansies, where he's from this is a warm Summers day

( Other soft delicate flowers are available )

[Kiltrash]

When they said we are off to Perth I was hoping for WA...not up the A9 and turn left

[Kiltrash]

Dammit, can't get the lyrics of " Sunrise, Sunset " out of my head...donno why?

[cavuman1]

The CIA's invasion of Colombia was going very well - there was marching powder everywhere!

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Look if the scots can have a feather in their caps, then I can have a fir tree.

[Kiltrash]

Zulu, effin Zulu? What up here? In the snow , don't make me effin laugh. ...pppfffsssttt....argh....

[fitliker]

Judging by the baby pink sky and snow condition it looks to be about -5 to -8C , that is T shirt weather in Winterpeg

The snow and cold only slows the mosquitoes and bugs down it doesn’t stop them , any one familiar with the old northern prospector tents can show your the scars :)

[Kiltrash]

Whatdoyoumean the NATO exercise is next month?? Damm electronic Calendar made with chips ' Proudly made in The USSR '

[Kiltrash]

What a bl@@dy stupid place to put a Top Secret listening post, given the Ariels are disguised as Fir Trees but perhaps the footprints are a bit of a dead giveaway..

[Kiltrash]

Yes Naverone is over there 10 clicks away,
But why are we here, it's 2022 ??
They won't be expecting us then. ..

dammit should check spelling.... Navarone.... explains why we are in the wrong place

[Chu Chu]

Yes Naverone is over there 10 clicks away,
But why are we here, it's 2022 ??
They won't be expecting us then. ..
Not a Caption
Do you mean Narvik? (If not, I'm definitely canceling my cruise in the Aegean Sea.:})

[Chu Chu]

I was expecting long nights, but not the night of the long knives.

[Buster Hyman]

"You left the key in the car! Oh fer Gawds sake! I'll go & get it!"

[Kiltrash]

Go and see Ivan over there and see it they will join us for a Vodka. To help cement Anglo Russian relationships...
What could possibly go wrong
or
Note to Chef, not to serve Romulan Blood Wine at Diplomatic events

[Kiltrash]

Now you tell me the RAF no longer fly through the Mach Loop? After we dragged the tent from the car park...

[Chu Chu]

The nice kid on the snowmobile said there was a pub two miles down the valley. I wonder if he meant statute miles or nautical?

[NutLoose]

You were only supposed to blow the bloody flaps off it

[NutLoose]

I see Auras boring Alice again

[Self loading bear]

After Hoskins did not quite complete the moose evasion manoeuvre on his snowmobile,
A tent was erected as in-situ surgery room/slaughter house.
The moose could be saved, Hoskins’ Relatives were informed by the HR-department

[Kiltrash]

What a absolute sh!t hole they expect us to live in, still could be worst, could be MQ's at Leeming
or
Gonna go call the BBC house make over hotline, perhaps they can suggest improvements on a budget

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1000/image_62e6abdf711f81d9635254953542dd1f8c931d9f_jpeg_1f837938 c1198766e847f86a047834a037e30b88.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Whilst everyone's distracted, Nutty sneaks off to find the prettiest Moose...

[Wensleydale]

"Don't forget the shovel !!!"

[fitliker]

Whilst everyone's distracted, Nutty sneaks off to find the prettiest Moose...

to paraphrase the Camel joke ;
Someone asks through the fumes of a glass of Macallans male or female moose ?
Female of course , nothing queer about our Caruthers

[SLXOwft]

Commendations for Service on a Keyboard to:

Nutty's 'I see Auras boring Alice again'
Chu Chu's 'I just got text from wife -- she says she's leaving me. I knew it was a mistake telling her I was getting no sleep because of Aurora Borealis.'
Cynicalint My nappy's falling down!

I found it difficult to choose but the winner is 622 with:
"Sarge ...Its cold and boring, I thought you told us we would be really busy all the time...."
"No, I said it would be in tents!"

I am sure Nutloose will forward the CST as soon as a winch is available.

(PM sent to 622)

[622]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/252x200/fb043975_7310_4da1_a74c_d48ca798de32_662ad6a6885ccc29235fa4e 84872fcd841ba30b5.jpeg
Many thanks…..let’s try the above!

[Ascend Charlie]

...looking for a piece of ass...

[cynicalint]

Stick the rudder in there and 'ass the way to do it!

[cynicalint]

French contribution to the naval force besieging Odessa.

[cynicalint]

EEaww EEaww Eawlways leaves me on my own!

[Chu Chu]

So that's how the mules managed to keep up after the canal boats were motorized.

[Chu Chu]

No, No, Hoskins. I said you could deliver the drugs with a boat or a mule.

[MPN11]

How do you start a donkey engine?

[fitliker]

He said “ Gas Cash or Ass nobody rides for free in this boat or my plane “ Then he fell out the boat when my ass released a small amount of flatulence, not much gas . But he got gas and ass for that trip

[Ascend Charlie]

"Hey, Noah! Slow down!"

[Kiltrash]

I've no idea where the steaming pile of poo came from...

[Kiltrash]

Having crossed the Channel he claimed assylum

[Kiltrash]

Thinks...hope that Supertanker knows the rules of the sea...

[treadigraph]

Out of fuel? You have use th-eeyores...

[SLXOwft]

Rare colourized WWI photo from Gallipoli gives definitive proof, they were lions led by ...

[treadigraph]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/252x200/fb043975_7310_4da1_a74c_d48ca798de32_662ad6a6885ccc29235fa4e 84872fcd841ba30b5.jpeg

[treadigraph]

Can I burro yer boat please?

[treadigraph]

It's a moker boat...

[Wensleydale]

The BBC remake of "The Life of Pi".

[Wensleydale]

At Bridlington, the donkey rides continue at high tide.

[treadigraph]

...and another thing, I don't talk like Eddie Murphy!

[Wensleydale]

During PMQ's there are questions about the latest targets for the gunnery range at Lulworth Cove.

[Hydromet]

Simpson had to wait for his donkey to arrive at Gallipoli.

[treadigraph]

What makes you think I'm a Democrat?

[Kiltrash]

Well there's something you don't often see in the village pond.....move over ducks please

[Kiltrash]

Which way is Cheltenham?

[ShyTorque]

Although Gladys was disappointed about the size of the yacht, she was pleased to see that the crew was donkey rigged.

[Buster Hyman]

I'm looking for Clint Eastwood, a Nun, and another Mule...

[Buster Hyman]

I think the Outboard motor is under powered by the looks of it.

[Dan Gerous]

The owl and the pussycat's Uber arrives.

[Buster Hyman]

Err, Scott. The um, new French Patrol Boat's just arrived and...umm...

[Chu Chu]

The famous mule sets off down the canal on its way to the Volga, the Don, the Black Sea, and finally the Dnieper.

[Chu Chu]

Phew! I never thought we'd get the donkey to swallow all those condoms. Now we just have to convince customs that it isn't a mule.

[Kiltrash]

The Skipper did not believe what he saw through the Periscope. ..as it came up through the plug hole

[Chu Chu]

It's 2122, and Juan Valdez is preparing a delivery from the Andean Archipelago.

[Chu Chu]

When the water rose, the ford was replaced with a Mercury.

[andytug]

"Elmer...I told you that if you took your ass fishing one more time...it's over!"

[treadigraph]

Now I told you before we left that if you assumed we had ample fuel, it would just make an ass out of u and me...

[Chu Chu]

What about the quarantine? Don't worry -- mules are sterile.

[cavuman1]

Bayliner introduces its newest model: The Hayliner.

- Ed

[cavuman1]

On the Planet of the Donkeys, the gondolas of Venice were slightly different from those on Earth.

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

The boat only had a 5HP motor, but it could still haul ass.

[Wensleydale]

When the RSPCA merged with the RNLI.

[cynicalint]

look! it's don quiboatee!

[cavuman1]

On Christmas Eve, Harold the Donkey tries to coax more power from his 2 h.p. outboard motor for he doesn't want to be late for the manger scene. In the distance, Mary's faint voice can be heard saying "Where is that jackass?"

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

The first US Marine battalion look for a disguise to get them up the Delta....Are you all right back there asked Pfc Hoskins ....Mumble Mumble mumble replied Simmons, eating ass

[Kiltrash]

Mercedes re read the specs for Formula 1 this season and think they have found a winner

[Big Pistons Forever]

Putin calls resorts that there was inadequate equipment to support Russian amphibious assaults: "asinine"

[Big Pistons Forever]

Russian Marine observing boat approaching landing beach

"Is that transport or dinner ?"

[Chu Chu]

Tell me again how these shark races work?

Well, have you ever seen the rabbit at dog track?

[Kiltrash]

Originally thought to be a no hopper at Cheltenham, at 10000 to 1. The odds subsequently tumbled when it was announced Barry Geraghty was to the Jockey

[cynicalint]

That's not the way to play water-polo!

[fitliker]

SBS latest mission success, taking possession of the Talibans favourite porn star extraction point down the cabool towards the Indus .

[Chu Chu]

Is the donkey restrained somehow?

No. The contract specifically said "free on board."

[622]

Slowing up a bit, so will call this afternoon.

[NutLoose]

North Korean boat "person" fleeing the dictatorship and cooking pot.

[NutLoose]

Does my ass look big in this?

[treadigraph]

I say, excuse me, is this Brayton?

[NutLoose]

Never ass-ume that when you order some whores for the sailors that the signal will not get scrambled on the airwaves.

[NutLoose]

But I ordered a Donkey jacket.....

[Kiltrash]

Thinks...well it could be worse my brother is on a expedition up Mt Everest with that nice Mr Hillary

[Kiltrash]

I feel as idle as a painted ship on a painted ocean..

[Kiltrash]

...and they got me on this with a Carrot....think I've been swindled ...a bl@@dy carrot I ask you...normally I won't get out my barn for less than a cabbage and a broccoli

[622]

As always, great entries....but time to get Dobbin off and the boat cleaned ready for the summer season at the local lake!

This weeks winner is:

No, No, Hoskins. I said you could deliver the drugs with a boat or a mule.

Well done, trophy will be delivered by Donkey / Ass / Mule ....and with a free gift of a 'kiss me quick' hat!

Over to you Chu Chu.

[Chu Chu]

Thanks very much, 622. I can a new photo when I’m back at my computer, which will be late evening for most of you.

Anyone who wants to beat me to it is quite welcome to.

[NutLoose]

Ohh I think I can wait that long :)

[Kiltrash]

Wish he would hurry up, I'm busting for a pee...😊

[Chu Chu]

Thanks for holding fire there, and to 622 for letting me take home the blue ribbon.

Speaking of fire, let's see what you make of this one:

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1400x1396/mauser_8486c67763989c45e1ed880f550c3ddb33c24ce3.jpg

[fitliker]

Pigeon race face fans were appalled at the levels of organized cheating taking place that year , no one could have understood what they meant about broomhandles Mauser C96 being used to shoot down the racers without a picture of the synchronized broom handle attachment thingamajig.

The famed gun of the Mauser C96 ergonomics was based on a star blaster used by Hans Solo long time ago in a galaxy far far away .

[Self loading bear]

We must consider ourselves lucky that the patent as filed by Friedrich Soennecken (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Soennecken) for his Papierlocher für Sammelmappen, caught track very soon.
This because the paper world could have looked very grim if this invention of his opponents the Feederle brothers would have captured the market.
Now only the name of this device lives on:
The perforator.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Its not about how big it is, it's how well you use it .....

[Big Pistons Forever]

I told the EO not to copy the British !!!

[Big Pistons Forever]

Ummm........ can I have my Spandau back ?

[Hydromet]

He's BEHIND you.

[fitliker]

The only gun that uses more Austro Hungarian moustache wax than the gunner .
The usual spit flies off in a dive , the moustache wax provides excellent foresight contrast up to five rounds and then it melts and then we use it to Polish our boots ,

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Sure, it looks fearsome. It's just that every time I cock it, all the bullets fall out of the bottom ones.

[treadigraph]

Fed up with being the regular butt of high jinks in the Officers' Mess - and finding crumbs in his unterhose, Gefreiter Schtummel applied his considerable mechanical know how to the task of inventing the toast rack...

[Wensleydale]

I'm real aircrew - I'm only checked out to fire the pistol!

[Kiltrash]

Mr Gattling, the early years

[Kiltrash]

Dr Jones is told to fire at 1 o'clock checks his watch and exclaimed , but it's only 10 o' clock

[Kiltrash]

Tail end Charlie, asked how did you know my names Charlie...

[Kiltrash]

Hope he's wearing Factor 50 or after the patrol will have a stripy face

[Kiltrash]

....and lastly for me , cause I'm off to Cheltenham for a couple of days,

Dastardly finally gets the Pigeon

( hope I still have a shirt on my back when I get home )

[Buster Hyman]

Quick Draw McGraw's secret revealed!

[Buster Hyman]

Say, didn't we work together on the Death Star? The second one...

[Buster Hyman]

The NRA is prepared for anything Biden throws at them!

[Buster Hyman]

The A-10's predecessor, the a-01

[ShyTorque]

I don’t know if it scares the enemy….but it certainly scares me!

[622]

When you said I would be operating an 'in line 10' ...I thought I would be the pilot, not the gunner!

[622]

...If he calls me R2D2 again.....

[Dan Gerous]

Well it has a great rate of fire, but is a real pain to reload!

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1400x1396/mauser_8486c67763989c45e1ed880f550c3ddb33c24ce3.jpg

[NutLoose]

I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires,.... can I get out now?

[NutLoose]

Anything you can do I can do better...... I can do anything better than you....


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/660x610/ppsh_fire_hedgehog_2_eeed51bea01364b5eb15ef8e6d83bbb31d33b1e a.jpg

THIS PICTURE IS NOT THE COMPETITION ONE..... BUT MY ENTRY :)

[cavuman1]

Concealed Carry is unpossible.

- Ed

[fitliker]

Smile for the camera (gun camera) wait for flash

[SLXOwft]

... und ve haf der 30-wege difference engine to control ze order of firing.

[treadigraph]

Von Hoskins reveals his multi-barrelled water pistol for taking on the enema...

[cynicalint]

I asked for more fire power! When the Engineers stated that they had removed my single barrel and replaced it with 10, I got excited.

[Dan Gerous]

Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you... never mind.

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1400x1396/mauser_8486c67763989c45e1ed880f550c3ddb33c24ce3.jpg

[MPN11]

Getting within 25m of the enemy proved difficult.

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption but
.. that's either Nutty's beer cellar or the Bombe machine at Bletchley Park

caption. ..
Well punk, given these are the most powerful handguns in the World and would blow your head clean off and in the excitement I don't know how many I fired ...well do you feel lucky?? Punk...
Tell me I gotta know...
click..click..click..BANG...there that answer your question??

​​​

[Self loading bear]

Baron von Bomburst Vulgaria
has finally obtained the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and intends to keep it.

[Wensleydale]

When the observer said that he needed a set of Oakleys to help him in combat, the engineers gave him some Annie Oakleys instead.

[Wensleydale]

In the event of a spin, Lugerzade helps recovery.

[cynicalint]

It says here "Next step, press Button C and shout Dakka Dakka Dakka"!

[Buster Hyman]

Herr Koffman! Was ist das?
Das ist mein neuer Starter!

[Chu Chu]

Looks like the magazine’s about depleted, so I’ll call this at midnight UK time. (Or I might make that 11:00, due to the current distortion in the time-space continuum.)

[Kiltrash]

Look you effing barstewards come and get this right up yer jacksie

Ps I've just been diagnosed with ' Turrets Syndrome '
pps had 3 winners and 2 second places yesterday, I'm sure however the bookies will try and get that all back today...😂

[ShyTorque]

“Cleaning just the one barrel was tedious enough back in the last war, but these days I’m always late for dinner!”

[Kiltrash]

Skip, next time your taking her Supersonic, be a nice chap and let me know first? Awfully thanks...

[Wensleydale]

"Gun Firing, Gun Firing, Gun Stops"

"Which One?".

[Chu Chu]

Okay, it's time to call this one.

Worthy of mention (and mentioned in no particular order):

Nutloose with:
"I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires, I have no live rounds, empty cases or misfires,.... can I get out now?"

And also: "anything you can do I can do better...... I can do anything better than you...."

622 with: "When you said I would be operating an 'in line 10' ...I thought I would be the pilot, not the gunner!"

SLXOwft with: "... und ve haf der 30-wege difference engine to control ze order of firing."

Treadigraph with: "Von Hoskins reveals his multi-barrelled water pistol for taking on the enema...":

And MPN11, with: "Getting within 25m of the enemy proved difficult."

But taking home the noted Cap Comp Trophy is Wensleydale with: "In the event of a spin, Lugerzade helps recovery."

I'll send the trophy as soon as the 3-D printer finishes the nine duplicates I'm adding on.

[Wensleydale]

Ta very much.

Let's try this?

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x805/historical_photos_pt4_armenian_106_year_old_guards_home_1990 _6867be846c3e52157f805fbf46d107c060fdb21b.jpg

[Hydromet]

"No way is Nutty getting anywhere near my daughter"
"And nor are you going to Buster Hymen."

[Kiltrash]

Russian mothers take up arms to defend their sons

[Kiltrash]

The peacefull demonstration in Red Square turns nasty

[Kiltrash]

Whatdoyoumean you signed up to Homes for Refugees and you expected a 18 yr old mother and her 2 daughters to share your home?
​​​..Well think again..

[Kiltrash]

This was not what I was expecting in a Matryoshka. ...

[treadigraph]

Terry Jones* puts his foot down about proposed script changes while filming "The Life of Brian"...

*RIP...

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x805/historical_photos_pt4_armenian_106_year_old_guards_home_1990 _6867be846c3e52157f805fbf46d107c060fdb21b.jpg

[cynicalint]

I'll shoot the first man who refuses to rape me!

[NutLoose]

Finally, something to get my teeth into...just as soon as I find where I put them down.

[NutLoose]

Why am I sitting on a bed of peas and chips? do you think I smell of fish?

[NutLoose]

I'm defending my virtue, I intend to ascend to heaven with returned unopened stamped on my forehead.

[NutLoose]

PMD, WMD, what does it matter, they're all history to me

[NutLoose]

When you said I was going to firke a lot of young Russians, this wasn't what I had in mind..

[Chu Chu]

That isn’t a .50 Browning. . . No, I don’t care what you call your stepmother.

[622]

Miss July on the Turkmenistan MOD calendar looking particularly radiant!

[Buster Hyman]

The original Ghost of Kiev.

[Buster Hyman]

Putin was underwhelmed by the Special Forces Syria sent...

[Buster Hyman]

I'd know that stare anywhere...that's the Bakeoff Stare! :uhoh:

[Kiltrash]

The muggers in Croydon got one hell of a shock when they approached one particular Granny...

[Kiltrash]

Last week Olga was ' Queue jumped ' by a knife welding yuff while waiting for her bread ration....Never again she vowed ...

[Kiltrash]

Richard was suprised at his wife's aging and attitude change when she got off the aircraft..

Ps welcome back Nazanin

[NutLoose]

Nun??? Cor blimey luv, I could believe it, there aint nowt wrong wiff mine, but I wouldnt either..

[NutLoose]

So I take it your'e not interested in our Everest double glazing offer?

[Kiltrash]

Having played Widow Twanky in Panto for the last 50 years, Hoskins had finally had enough of the child like abuse (s)he received each year.

[Kiltrash]

WPC Hoskins approached the final exam in ' How to strip search a suspect 101 ' with slight trepidation

[Kiltrash]

Vicky McClure the years were not good to her in Afghanistan as a EXPO...

[NutLoose]

Geez Love, thats the worst case of worms i've ever seen.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x805/image_14b9b3f464cc244989bd18e43287b8db0b8cb537.png

[Kiltrash]

Having been turned down to be a Saint, Mother Theresa goes in search of the Pope...

[Kiltrash]

At Cheltenham Ladies Day takes a turn for the worse

[ShyTorque]

"I'm looking for a man!"

"Any man?"

"No, the just one who hit me on the head with a four pound lump hammer!"

[Kiltrash]

The SBS later regretted calling her a Snowflake.

[Kiltrash]

It's all right said the punk, She has Arthuritus in her right hand...
BANG....BANG..BANG...BANG
I'm left handed Punk. ..

[Kiltrash]

....and finally
I'm staging a sit in to protect my job,
NOW GET OFF MY SHIP....

[treadigraph]

Nicola Sturgeon, still trying to attain Scottish Independence in the year 2058

[Dan Gerous]

Do you feel lucky PUNK... well do ya?

[Dan Gerous]

Mariupol, Thursday morning, and just another trip to the Post Office to pick up the pension.

[fitliker]

Not really what she meant when she asked to hold something hard and dangerous before she shuffled off this mortal coil

[fitliker]

Avoiding the Draft by dressing as an elderly lady had him wishing he had Bone Spurs , Asthma , or Agoraphobia

[Dan Gerous]

All my life I've had to put up with all this cheap Russian crap. Why can't I have an NLAW or a Javelin?

[NoHoverstop]

After three weeks of strenuous and heroic efforts, Ukrainian forces finally concede that Grandmother Hoskinsky isn't going to let anyone put her on an evacuation bus.

[treadigraph]

I've just realised, you are John Bercow...

[cynicalint]

Go ahead, there is a price on my head.

[cynicalint]

Out of my way, I am desperate for the toilet!

[Kiltrash]

At Brighton the Councils " Jobs for the Elderly " scheme appoint a ' Day Tripper Chip Protection Officer '

[treadigraph]

Old Mama Hubbardski deftly nails Putin with her first shot and his Kowtowmrades with her second, third and fourth. All without looking...

[fitliker]

The secret to long life is lots of vodka , sex and night flights said Marianne aged 31

[cavuman1]

When set to full auto, the Kalashnikov could fire 300 bitter pills per minute!

- Ed

[NutLoose]

If I ever catch the bastard that hung my curtains on the outside of my windows.

[Kiltrash]

During the May Day Parade in Red Square there was consternation in the shooting gallery when the ' targets ' fired back...

[Kiltrash]

In the studio the ' weakest link ' contestant disputed the hosts descission

[Kiltrash]

Having presented herself to the Border Force at Dover, it was decided to admit her with no further questions. ..

[Chu Chu]

If you like grandma, you’ll love the NLAWs.

[treadigraph]

Impaler the Vlad

[Dan Gerous]

When that Red Hood turns up, he's gonna wish I was a wolf.

[Kiltrash]

The passage of time has not been good to Jean-Luc Picard but he must go and save the Federation one more, by going baldly

[NutLoose]

They may say God save the Queen as they fire a NLAW but in my village they shout God fears Granny and her AK-47

[NutLoose]

I will marry my Prince and Charles will have no say in the matter.

[Ascend Charlie]

Camilla defends the title she took from Meghan.

[Kiltrash]

NRA licence holder no1 celebrates her 120th birthday the only way she knows
or
Thank God and the President for the Second Ammendment
or
In deepest Norfolk the farmers struggle to find old dogs to protect their Chickens

[Kiltrash]

When asked by the BBC Reporter what she was doing on this crossroads, she explained through the Universal Translator she had just seen a line of 23 Americanski Tanks pass by heading for the Capitol with 3 truck off Airborne troops and 35 Pieces of Heavy Artillery ....when asked how old she was explained, sorry that's classified. ..

[Chu Chu]

Okay, you show her how to suck eggs.

[fitliker]

As they proudly say in that other city ; Beauty is only a light switch away

[Kiltrash]

If I sit here much longer i'm gonna get piles...
Too late, I think you already have on your face..

[Wensleydale]

I'll judge later today.

[Kiltrash]

Sky F1 reporter tracks down Michael Massi and asks is he still a bit bitter over being sacked?

[xenolith]

If that Air Marshal picks up his tennis ball like that again, he's having some!

[Chu Chu]

. . . and then I got a bead at 150 meters, and that was one less Russian between us and the EU.

Okay, I get it -- you're a war hero. But tell us about the day you voted Leave.

[Wensleydale]

So, its time to leave Mrs Putin waiting for her son to come home and announce the winner, who is:

When that Red Hood turns up, he's gonna wish I was a wolf.

Well done the DG. Trophy on its way once its cleared customs....

[Dan Gerous]

Thanks Wensleydale.

Let's see what the collective can come up with for this one.

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x315/prune_11__46fd8ed2d7c8f710349021f8da357fdde972bb20.jpg

[cynicalint]

This must be an attractive helicopter, the earth is not repelling it!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Don't get in yet! Wait until that little Apache flies in, or you might hit your head on it."

[Wensleydale]

When the (Grand Old) Duke of York used to be a helicopter pilot..........

[622]

"Good job the pilot left his watch at home today!"

[treadigraph]

I asked a Hermit in a hole over there, he said he couldn't be sure where we are but this definitely isn't Odiham...

[ShyTorque]

Oh look, it’s giving birth!

[NutLoose]

Well they said fill it full of Rocks and deliver them to the front line, so we better start picking some up.

[NutLoose]

Well is doesn't look like Basingstoke to me.

[Kiltrash]

Room for a little 'un...??

[Kiltrash]

Loadie bends over JUST at the wrong moment

[Kiltrash]

Reminds me of my Pekingese sniffing the Doberman at the park

[Kiltrash]

Obviously....It's a lot less bovver with a hover. ..

[seekayess]

Egads! We're gonna need lots of toilet rolls to clean that!!

[Chu Chu]

Is it just me, or did that cloud have two men in it?

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x315/prune_11__46fd8ed2d7c8f710349021f8da357fdde972bb20.jpg

[treadigraph]

There seems to be a cuckoo in the nest...

[fitliker]

Bears like to scratch their backs on trees , Chinooks like to scratch their nuts on mountains
At least it isn’t foggy today , that can make nut scratching dangerous

[andytug]

"Would you mind awfully going up just a touch, Hoskins .......The idea of low flying is to be just above the ground, not touching it!"

[Wensleydale]

All I said was: 'There's a hillock in front'

[Hydromet]

Nup, can't find the mountain goat that was in the cloud here this morning.

[cynicalint]

Will one of you please untie me from that big boulder so I can take off?

[Buster Hyman]

"Yeah, nah...that Hill's really stuck to the landing gear. We can't fix it here."

[Buster Hyman]

"Wha...? You saw an Apache? Think you're Custer do you? Smart arse!"

[Buster Hyman]

Honestly...a 'Fear of Heights Parachute Regiment'...this Army's gone mad!

[622]

"Where have you been Hoskins?"
"Sorry Sarge, I thought I would the front door......and had a bit of a walk back!"

[622]

"Right lads.....Biggles says can you put the poles under the front as his arm is getting tired!"

[622]

"Hoskins.....I told you not to bring your skis...."

[NutLoose]

You do realise you will never get close enough to use your sons dual light sabre on them.

[NutLoose]

What do you mean by "I plan to run up a flag on this pole and claim this mountain for Croydon"?

[NutLoose]

Don't worry, I got one of the pongoes from down the back to sit up front while we have a look around..

[622]

"No Hoskins...when I said make sure the poles were on board.....I meant the Polish troops we were bringing!!"