Caption Competition Mk III

[Self loading bear]

The Dutch lion has referee Lahoz in its eyesight.

[Chu Chu]

His ego too big for the cockpit, the pilot carried two giant "Eyes" externally.

[Kiltrash]

Over the radio...
" Look deep into my eyes,
You are feeling sleepy
You will not drop your bombs on that bridge
Look deep into my eyes..
Or you will DIE.."

[fitliker]

”I thought I saw a puddy cat , a creeping up on me” Tweetie Bird

[Wensleydale]

"Request Pigeons".

[treadigraph]

Major "Frankie" Valli decided that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em...

[fdr]

Will let this run for another 12 hours, so Kilt-rash can get some rest. (Johnsons powder available at Boots...)

[Kiltrash]

We use this aircraft when a pilot requests to be looked over for any external defects...

[Kiltrash]

Unfortunaly the Pilot is allergic to carrots so we had to be creative with improving his usual acuity

[Kiltrash]

...and finally...
Croydon wellcoms its latest recruit to the Neighborhood Watch initiative
Or
Well Punk, do you feel lucky??

[fdr]

Not quite capo d’ capo, but darn close…

"I need to cross some tees, I've already dotted my eyes..."

Caution - Two pupils on board.

After batting its eyelashes over-enthusiastically, the aircraft lawn-darted into the ground.

The "See You Jimmy" version of the Gripen being offered to a prospective Scottish Air Force.



Honorary Mention in gespatchos:

It's our latest night fighter designed to intercept bears, we're calling it the Red Eye.





Runny ‘uppy: (Spock is proud).

Caution - Two pupils on board.



And,

“Winner Winner, Chick’n Dinner!” the mantle of the art is off to….

Drum stick roll……

"Request Pigeons".


Kilt trash gets an RSPCA warning for shotgunning the endangered species with 22 "gauges..."

[Big Pistons Forever]

There is nothing “honorary” about Nutty 😉

[Wensleydale]

Thanks FDR. Let's be seasonal:

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/santa_tank_c2cb1ab709bb25293a1bf4eef36a20f236b3186b.jpg

[Kiltrash]

In Croydon the School Nativity play parade

[sealo0]

That’s not very orthodox

[Buster Hyman]

Tanks for the presents old man!

[Buster Hyman]

Rasputin takes it upon himself to resolve the "Special Operation"...

[Buster Hyman]

Brad Pitt wasn't happy with the first draft of the Fury script.

[Buster Hyman]

If the Turret's missing, then that's a T-72!

[Buster Hyman]

Shouldn't you two be on a Donkey?
Bethlehem ain't what it used to be Champ!

[Buster Hyman]

Incense? I'm bloody furious!!!!

[Hydromet]

Mk. I Popemobile

[622]

This year, donations for the church roof fund were dramatically up when the Vicar made 'personal' visits with the collection box.

[622]

And behold ....suddenly the the Inn keeper did find he had a room available!

[Confusious]

We've got no ammo, but Canon Ball is here.

[Ascend Charlie]

Wonder Woman and Mitre 10 decide to make tracks.

[Confusious]

Dorothy and The Tin Man desperately searching for Toto on the streets of Baghdad.

[Kiltrash]

Scene that surprisingly did not make the Dirty Dozen final cut

[Kiltrash]

Driving home for Christmas...and no stinking snow is gonna stop us...

[Kiltrash]

Are we there yet dad??

[Dan Gerous]

Santa's little helpers deliver the "naughty boy list" goodies to the Kremlin

[Confusious]

Yes, I know you're underage but I've been ordained.

[treadigraph]

Dad, on Christmas day why can't we go to granny's in the car like everybody else?

[Buster Hyman]

Oh, look at the time! We better make tracks...

[treadigraph]

Vauxhall finally builds a vehicle worthy of the mean streets of Luton...

[NutLoose]

'Ere, what have you done with Telly Savalas?? and no, this is not the way to Amblève..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/image_b9545644fc90229ec355952324e3bd7af3dbc2d3.png

[NutLoose]

Damn and I thought I'd pull in this pit.

[NutLoose]

She's no Angel, she has a .50 cal.

[Buster Hyman]

"Join us! We're doing a Ninth Crusade but, this time, we've got Tanks!"

[622]

Gunner: "Ere Sir, every time I look up - I see right up her skirt ...and shes Commando - its affecting my concentration!!"
Commander: "You think you've got problems ....it's the same this side!"


...

[treadigraph]

The Salvation Army mobilises...

[cavuman1]

And so God answered the Pope's prayers for a "more robusta" Popemobile and the companionship of a woman "with da bigga teatsa".

- Ed

[cynicalint]

Oi. I asked for Pachelbel's Canon in D Minor, Not de minor in Father Pachelbel's cannon!

[Kiltrash]

' Lady '... Bit tight in ' ere Sarge...
Religious Person...Yes we're fighting the Battle of the Bulge

[Kiltrash]

At Wamington-on-Sea the home guards victory parade, just before the troops return to their pre War jobs.

[Confusious]

Leaving the party in a rush when you thought it was a vicars and tarts theme.

[Confusious]

"I say Roger these Waitrose Christmas Cracker hats are rather splendid."

[ShyTorque]

“The Archbishop did say he has an assistant with big bazookas!”

[fdr]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/santa_tank_c2cb1ab709bb25293a1bf4eef36a20f236b3186b.jpg

Following the spectacular failure of religion alone to protect from anti-armour, passive non-reactive clergy were brought in as the stop gap measure. (results may vary...)

[fdr]

"Best job ever..."

[treadigraph]

The order for a new cannon for fitting to Lt Gruber's little tank had been amusingly misinterpreted. The fairy was General Klinkerhoffen's little joke...

[Chu Chu]

We planned an M7, but the Lend-Lease shipment got caught in the holiday rush.

[Self loading bear]

We come in peace.
And we damn well make sure we can also leave in peace.

[Self loading bear]

Who are you, and what hell you think you are you doing here?

I am Bathasar and I am bringing the myrrh.

We prayed for Mir and requested a smoke screen!

Your prayers will be heared.
Caspar is right behind me with the frankincense.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Guidance by Jesus Christ, Mobility by Uralvagonzavod

[Kiltrash]

The War??...
Not on Christmas Day Comrade ...

[Kiltrash]

The Salvation Army get serious with people that won't open their doors when they come a knocking..

[Kiltrash]

The wheels??
Well ... designed on a Lada

[Kiltrash]

Well we found it under me ol Grandads bed ..Just taking it down the Police station to hand it in..

[fdr]

Conscription cast a very wide net, some odd fish turned up in the ranks...

[treadigraph]

We are performing ambulance duties and carrying a priest just in case we arrive too late...

[NutLoose]

Todd Hoffman the early years, sets out in search of gold.

[Buster Hyman]

"Always wit' da negative vibes Moriarty!"

[MPN11]

She: "Not many presents. Things are a bit tight this year."
He: "Yes, I noticed, but that one was enough for me."

[Dan Gerous]

Why did you demote the senior Elf?
Because when I said "let's make tracks for home" I meant let's go home.

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/image_b9545644fc90229ec355952324e3bd7af3dbc2d3.png

[MPN11]

"Thanks for showing me ... I never knew a sprocket looked like that."

[NutLoose]

Pass me thine holy handgrenade

[NutLoose]

I never did trust the bloody Russian clergy.

[NutLoose]

This was something new for the choir girl, all that vibration was something she had not experienced before..

[NutLoose]

Pope John Paul II may have said he would stand between Russsian tanks and Poland if they tried to invade, but the current incumbent is more proactive.

[622]

Leaked screen shot of the 2022 'Grand Tour' Christmas special showing James May and Richard Hammond in full seasonal dress on their way to visit JC* in the latest offering from Panzer (*..Jeremy Clarkson of course!)

[Kiltrash]

Tiger 104..Tiger 104..What is your situation? This is Col Hessler ....Well Col Hessler your not going to believe this...

[Kiltrash]

Well that's another fine mess you got us into...

[Kiltrash]

The Army, finally being fed up with being the butt of Air Force jokes, finally put up a last stand...Just as the A10's and Apaches come over the horizon.

[Kiltrash]

After a particularly intense Fire Fight the remnants of the retreating Russian Army heavy equipment are re purposed by the local inhabitants...

[MPN11]

"Are they still following us, my dear?"

"Yes, we're definitely being tracked."

[MPN11]

"Excuse me, who's driving this?"

"A greater power than you, my dear."

[ShyTorque]

“What do you mean, Davros was better looking than me?”

[treadigraph]

Which leads me to...

When I agreed to take on the role, I was expecting a police box, overcoat, scarf and sonic screwdriver. As for my assistant... I hardly know where to begin.

[ACW599]

A leaked trailer from Netflix showed the lengths to which Harry and Meghan would go to avoid the paparazzi.

[NutLoose]

I’d prefer a priest to be honest, it’s got a bloody big gun.

[cynicalint]

Lets give tanks for the mammaries!

[cynicalint]

The tank driver was blasted into maternity by her Father's guided muscle!

[NutLoose]

The Tooting Popular Front opens a branch in Tel Aviv

[Kiltrash]

The President and First Lady of Ukraine publish their Christmas Card....well he was a Comedian.

[Kiltrash]

Due to the no-fly zone over Bosnia, Santa and his elves need to be creative to get the pressies through

[Kiltrash]

The Ukrainian state TV version of GMB show what you can win in their monthly prize

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to prevent commuters using the side roads in Walthamstow as a ' Rat Run ' the London Mayor and his wife on their way to a Vicers and Tarts Christmas get together party gets ready to show the bollards can stop ( almost ) anything..

[Kiltrash]

In Havana the supply of old American gas guzzlers is finally pettering out. Locals switch to other US Equipment left on the beaches...

[treadigraph]

Uber introduce a benediction home delivery service in Luton...

[MPN11]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/image_b9545644fc90229ec355952324e3bd7af3dbc2d3.png

[MPN11]

"Do you want to pull a cracker, Father?"

"I thought I had already"

[MPN11]

"What's wrong with your voice?"

"I've just had a trackeotomy."

[MPN11]

"It was a shame we ran over all those sheep earlier."

"Yes, I have no idea what those shepherds could have being doing to leave them like that."

[Kiltrash]

Now this is Virgin on the ridiculous

[Kiltrash]

Unfortunaly after running over our Donkey, this was all the hire company had as a courtesy car the Army could get at short notice..

[Kiltrash]

Damn Italian Army version of the Nativity play and we had to get a tank stuck in reverse ...
Err they all are...

[Chu Chu]

Look what hatched for Easter.

[Confusious]

"Oh look dear, there's that new Dial-A-Baptism service."

[NutLoose]

The advance party of the Three Kings arrives in Bethlehem carrying his precious cargo of freshly minted and Franked 1 Cents

[NutLoose]

RUUUUNNNNN! it's the Johova Witness's

[NutLoose]

Little girl thinking...

Ohh dear overhead power cables, this is going to be fun!

[NutLoose]

Father Parker wearing his nib as penance.

[fdr]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/image_b9545644fc90229ec355952324e3bd7af3dbc2d3.png

"grace under fire" or was that "Grace, under fire....?"

[NutLoose]

Rasputin and the Holy ex Virgin arrive for mass

[NutLoose]

Ever since it was removed, his Turrets syndrome had just about Ffffffff*ck... cleared up

[NutLoose]

The Holy Catholic church go about bringing the word of God to those unbelievers in their Convert'able.

[Kiltrash]

The first person to say he was only supposed to blow the bloody doors off will get a 88 right where it hurts...
Oh I just did..

[Kiltrash]

Top Gear presenters were given £3500 each to buy a convertible and travel to Bethlehem
When they got there were surprised to find Baby Stig waiting for them..

[Kiltrash]

Having gone shopping for Christmas* Mr and Ms C list celebrity descide to take their Chelsea Tractor down the King's Road..
* I was going to say Cheese Shopping in a veiled nod to Wensleydale

[Chu Chu]

The tank might have had its shortcomings, but the commander was infallible.

[Chu Chu]

Okay, Hoskins, okay. Anyone could have misheard when I said pontoon. But didn't it occur to you to ask what a Pope would know about unfinished bridges?

Ever been to Avignon, sir?

[Kiltrash]

Damn picket lines not going to stop us getting to the Maternity Ward...
or
Waters having broken at zero dark thirty the panicked husband grabbed the first set of car keys he could find..

[Kiltrash]

Not wishing to be type cast, Carrie Fisher took any acting jobs to show her full talents

[Kiltrash]

In Nicosea, Archbishop Makarios tours the front line

[Hydromet]

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.

[Buster Hyman]

No, I said Abraham not Abrams!

[Chu Chu]

Cut off and outnumbered, the Division evacuated under the guise of Swiss Guards.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/689x493/image_d67a6fcd52e60175e62fd69cb39a995dce7011fc.png

[NutLoose]

Baldrick I think your cunning disguise may work, the Boche will never suspect a Priest and his head Choir girl Bob in drag to be an armoured advance.

[Confusious]

No Dorothy, I'm not taking directions off someone who can't find their way when there's only one road.

[ShyTorque]

The CSE show panto team didn’t get many laughs last Christmas so this year they really mean business.

[622]

Hoskins .....when I said we are going into this mission on a wing and prayer .....I didn't mean fetch an angel and a vicar!

[Kiltrash]

Men, and cross dressers ( whatever they are ) of a certain age visit Bovingdon.
or
At the Luton Motor Museum the Mayor leads the convoy to invade Croydon
Or as I'm bored with this picture now
Fed up with being unable to blow the little piggies house down, Woolfie descides to bring up the heavy equipment

[NutLoose]

Walk on water?, my dear girl, we can walk over anything.

[NutLoose]

It's alright making tracks, but i am running out of places to stick em..

[NutLoose]

Just call me Ben....Ben Sherman.

[NutLoose]

It's alright Megan, I will have words with my dad about the limousine when we get to the Coronation

[NutLoose]

Geez, this thing doesn't half rattle my child..
Ohh, that'll be my love balls Father.

[treadigraph]

The Church Police nip out for some rat tart...

[Confusious]

"Heh Jude, this is Exodus on a new level."

[Confusious]

"Now do you feel safe with protection?"

[Confusious]

The Stinking Bishop is starting to get a bit cheesed off with Wensleydale.

[treadigraph]

I didn't expect the Spanish Conquersition...

[fitliker]

Looks like the new inclusive directives are swelling the ranks , what used to be disqualifying is now encouraged . Should not be too hard to fill the ranks and tanks for the next big push .

[Chu Chu]

Reactionary armor.

[Chu Chu]

Our attack in formation inflicted heavy losses on the enemy, but failed to carry the objective.

Our boldly executed reformation fell short as well.

Now we're throwing in the counter-reformation.

[Wensleydale]

It's Judgement Day, and the winner (with an early reference to an M7) is Chu Chu with:


We planned an M7, but the Lend-Lease shipment got caught in the holiday rush.

(More of an "Unfrocked Priest" role though).

Congratulations - look out on the NORAD site for delivery information for the CST.

[Chu Chu]

Thank you very much Wensleydale. I’m afraid I’m a little short on holiday-related pictures, so let’s see what folks make of this:
https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x471/mortar_c010f0ca6da6d774dad042cf02719693f63685c8.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

...and you're sure these are Christmas Crackers?

[Buster Hyman]

The moment Franks box collapsed as he was adding the fuse...oh, how we all laughed...

[Buster Hyman]

"Are you sure it's safe to store all the Ammo like this?"
"Of course! The Russians seem to know what they're doing, right?"

[Buster Hyman]

....oh ****! Is it the Red wire, or the Green wire?

[Wensleydale]

The black market factory for soda syphons for the Officers' Dugout.

[Wensleydale]

Baker meets Martin for the first time...

[NutLoose]

It's a Christmas gift for the Polish Police Chief



..

[NutLoose]

Ok tonight we will bury them in Jerries goal mouth ready for our Christmas kick about tomorrow.




..

[NutLoose]

Damned useful these boxes, but I wish they'd stop filling them with all this junk.

[NutLoose]

You sure? they look awfully big to be candles, 'ere Bert pass me your lighter.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x471/image_90594876efd37d86e1e1e8d8026192c2f047d2d9.png

[NutLoose]

See I told you they were Suppositories , how does it feel Alf?
I dunno, I can't close my legs anymore....

[NutLoose]

Bugger, we can't use this captured ammo, it has none returnable stamped on the box..

[treadigraph]

I sent one of these to my wife just in case she was missing me...

[treadigraph]

I saw Val Singleton do this with some sticky-backed plastic and an old washing up bottle.

What did she do with it?

John Noakes...

[Kiltrash]

Ah ... Baldrick finally finds the bullet with his name on it..

[Kiltrash]

Ah this one says Mustard....would you like some with your Christmas Beef...

[Kiltrash]

Ah...this is a dud, throw it away...Damn the Spaniels keep bringing them back.

[Kiltrash]

Wow, these are good, did you see what it did to that tank??

[Kiltrash]

Ah Grandad, what did you do during the War...
Well in the Engineers Home Guard we sat behind the lines dreaming up ways to make big holes in the village cricket pitch

[Kiltrash]

Obviously Photoshopped...I mean can you see any of the men smoking??
However...Captain's Health and Safety were on a rest day.

[cavuman1]

The real fun began when one of the men in the background snuck forward and popped a paper bag.

- Ed

[Stockportcounty]

Lads, better check em out before we gift one to that nice Polish police chief.

[Kiltrash]

In Ukraine the Kalusha Orchestra did not expect to be conscripted...

[Kiltrash]

Normally when you smack a officer you get 2 weeks in jankers. ...Peeling potatoes...so let this be a lesson to all of you...

[NutLoose]

'e, my old lass said, "Arkright, I see things in't you, one day me lad you will be worth some brass tha's will"...
"'e, if she could see me now awash wi'd the stuff, it would fair please 'er".

[NutLoose]

Once we scoop all this muck out of them, we should be able to make some fancy trinkets to flog back home..

[MPN11]

"Can you smell gas?"

"Sorry mate, it was last night Maconochie's stew (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-27118824) dinner."

[NutLoose]

Hey Murphy, why do they have a fuse?
Don't you know anything about electrics boyo, if it didn't have a fuse in the circuit it wouldn't light up when it lands on Jerry..

[NutLoose]

It says tamper proof, huh! tell that to old Wilf, we're still finding parts of him out on the wire.

[NutLoose]

I see Scroggins has bought it, hit twice he was, apparently Jerry are running a buy one get one free campaign.

[Self loading bear]

Kiltrash, Nutloose and Confusius* prepare 2023 Coffman Starters Throphies.

*other high quantity contributors are available up to choice.

[Confusious]

Hey NutLoose and Kiltrash, I've heard that there's a mole (or bear) in camp who's managed to rumble our plans for next year.

[Kiltrash]

You know, I'm sure the British Prime Minister did say he was going to send us new, fresh, state of the art munitions in our war with Russia...
Well to Boris these ARE modern....

[Kiltrash]

Records clearly show the Argies laid 1,354,639 land mines....only another 1,354,625 to go...

[Kiltrash]

Before the war laddie?? I was a elf. 350 days a year making toys for the nice boys and girls...then along came Archieduke bleeding Fernando...effin ell...

[Dan Gerous]

Putin's on Santa's naughty list, so we thought we'd send him a gift instead.

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x471/image_90594876efd37d86e1e1e8d8026192c2f047d2d9.png

[Dan Gerous]

Are you sure these are mortars, as this one has got Buoy, Sono, stencilled on the side.

[Kiltrash]

BBEnd 1912...
Yes but I got them from the reduced section.
Off*....Enter your own local Supermarket here*

[Kiltrash]

Well I've got B6 any one got B4 or B5....damm Aunt Agatha sending us a Jigsaw in our Christmas Red Cross parcel ..

[Kiltrash]

Anyone hear ticking??

[Kiltrash]

Primer? Primer?? I thought primer was a weak white paint?

[Kiltrash]

Fireworks R US get ready for the New Year celebrations on the River Thames... and you all thought it was a well trained high security display company.

[Ascend Charlie]

"And we only need to buy another 1,893 copies of the "Bismarck" magazine to have the full model. Can't wait..."

[Confusious]

Socks for Christmas yet agsin. And me, and me, and me!

[Confusious]

"Darn these socks"

"Brill, you can do mine too."

[Kiltrash]

I'm sure there is a UTube video to show how we should do this...
Whats utub??

[Confusious]

Why have they sent us such a huge consignment of Nitrous Oxide, but no ammo?

[Confusious]

"So, stuff the chestnuts down here just like this."

"But how will we roast them on an open fire?

"Easy, watch this".

[treadigraph]

Join the Army they said... See the World they said...

Didn't bloody say anything about packing Churchill's cigars.

[Wensleydale]

It were an 'eadline in The Sun: "Archduke Ferdinand Found Alive. World War a Mistake"!!

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

DPD screws up yet another LOVEHONEY delivery.

[Hydromet]

It says here, "Light blue touch paper and stand well clear."

[Kiltrash]

Well one of these MUST be the genuine Coffman Starter Trophy...well it has passed through a fair few thieving hands in Blighty..

[Kiltrash]

ANZAC's still had no idea why a war in Europe should involve them...Sooner we declare Independence the better.

[Buster Hyman]

Is it just me or was anyone else hoping for some Hand Cream in these Care packages from Home?

[cynicalint]

'ere, are you sure these will make good false legs Sarge? Eventually sonny, eventually...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x471/image_90594876efd37d86e1e1e8d8026192c2f047d2d9_3dd4b388e3b82 d28df105b4c2791d037ab240f04.png

[NutLoose]

So I went to the careers office and they asked me what trade I ‘ad and I told ‘em bricklayer, that’s ‘ow come they posted me to a Mortar team.

[Kiltrash]

Well on my application said I worked on Shell. So they sent me here. I meant IN Shell...you know the Oil Company... Lesson learnt always check your CV for Autocorrects

[Kiltrash]

Don't you think that's quite enough dynamite your stuffing in there??...By the way Paddy what part of Ireland is you from??

[Kiltrash]

Cpl Fawkes, What was it you said your Great..Great..Great.....Grandad was famous for??

[Kiltrash]

The English Cricket team get sent to the front line, Theory was when Jerry starts lobbing grenades the men should be able to whack them back..😀

[Kiltrash]

Hellava size of a Cuban we got as a pressy from Jerry....Anyone got a match??

[treadigraph]

Right then you 'orrible lot, when you've finished that, you'll be shelling peas in the cook house.

Blimey Sarge, I'm glad all this 'ard work'll be put to some good use then!

[Kiltrash]

Could be worse, my Cousin Albert got posted to a Corvette, the stories he tells about every time he gets torpedoed..During the War he always starts the letters with

[NutLoose]

Well according to these IKEA instructions, we screw 4 of them into the corners of the box to form a modern and contemporary bedside table, it’s part of their Somme Range.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x471/image_4ff38e6a05b063ce8d9033a697b760e077eb0664.jpeg

[NutLoose]

The artillery call them party poppers, they plan to fire them over Jerries lines on New Year’s Eve.

[MPN11]

Don't what these are for. Just dump them, and we can burn the boxes to keep warm.

[treadigraph]

'Ere Bert, this is a bit like poking your missus...

Yeah... WHAT?!!!!!!!

[fdr]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x471/image_90594876efd37d86e1e1e8d8026192c2f047d2d9_3dd4b388e3b82 d28df105b4c2791d037ab240f04.png

"... Well, all I said was, I still think this is a lot of effort to make a poppy field grow better", and the guv'nah puts me onto this 'ere fuse duty!"

[fitliker]

The dunt test my son is just as simple as you are . Give a big dunt , if it doesn’t go bang and leave you looking like a giant splooge stain . It hasn’t been fused set yet , and you should fuse it as per instructions

[ShyTorque]

“BANG!……Heh, heh, heh!”

“Fred, stop it, you b@&tard!”

[Kiltrash]

At first I did not understand / get the reference to the Polish Police chief...then it appears on the BBC website...at least we have a alibi as the interweb has not been invented yet..

[Kiltrash]

We're soon to be allowed 2L of liquid through airport security scanners. Next it will be these and AK47's

[Confusious]

Bloody Sherbet Fountains taste of gunpowder.

[Confusious]

Dressed up as soldiers, the old bill will never suspect us of nicking all these catalytic converters. [Scouser accent]

[Kiltrash]

In real life we ' found ' a box of WD Hand Granades issued to me Grandad when we cleared his effects in 1980. Fortunately we knew the local Police Sargent...not in a official capacity you understand, and told him and he sent the Bomb Disposal squad from the local barracks and they floated the devices out onto the Firth of Forth and blew them up. . We were invited to view from a safe distance. It made the Evening News Paper ...
Moral is...don't mess with what you don't understand...

[SLXOwft]

Back in civvy street I'm a brickie, so the corporal in the depot said, laying mortars 'll be just up you street. Real comedian, the bar steward!

[Kiltrash]

Well actually I got these leggings from Pvt Walker....does a nice line in Cigarettes and Stockings....hard to get them in the shops.

[Kiltrash]

'ere listen...what's that noise.... The Officers are blowing their whistles...at last we're going over the top...yippee be back home in time for Christmas.

[Kiltrash]

Be carefull Bert, Pvt Hoskins at the back just had his face blown off...

[Kiltrash]

...and when they gave us a 60 hr R&R* chit this was not how I expected it to turnout...
* R&R can also mean Rearm and Resupply

[Kiltrash]

L Detachment experiment with length of fuses for their Lewis Bombs...Paddy of course trims his wick the shortest..

[Kiltrash]

Well no,. I used to a striking Civil worker for more pay..., but I saw this as a safer career path

[Kiltrash]

Jasper Carrot and his chums descide to get serious with their Mole in the garden problem ..

[Kiltrash]

Well...no...normally when you want to get the doors off you use spanners....what did you say you were in civi life Charlie ??...

[MPN11]

"I wish those Boffins would invent something I understand."

[Chu Chu]

I have a feeling I'd better drop this one down the tube before it cooks off. I'll start walking it in on a winner around midnight GMT.

[Kiltrash]

It was after the investigation into the subsequent disaster that the MOD descides that all troops employed in fuzing munitons should be a minimum of 20 feet apart... Fortunately Sir Alf did not adopt that strategy for his defensive back four .

[Kiltrash]

The wives and mothers of the troops killed in the incident received a request to identify the bodies..., one-piece at a time...

[Kiltrash]

Well if this don't get them bl@@dy cats off the camp carrot patch, I don't know what will...

[SLXOwft]

The Royal Fuseinheres ...

[SLXOwft]

THe Kubrick estate releveals the WW 1 photo that inspired the famous scene in Dr Strangelove

[NutLoose]

Are you sure these are the brass band instruments we ordered, I can’t get a damned note out of this thing.

[NutLoose]

Surely we should also get bomb disposal badges, we shove them in the barrel and dispose of them to Jerry.

[Kiltrash]

This says' Blackpool ' mine says ' Brighton ' mine says ' Bournemouth ' ....when we asked for something that reminds us of home I did not expect seaside rock....I hoped for Black Pudding...

[Chu Chu]

A tough job judging this time -- I feel like I'm under a barrage, and none of them duds. But I had to narrow it down somehow, so here goes:

Third runner-up is SLXOwft with "The Royal Fuseinheres ..."

Second runner up, bringing in some holiday spirit, is Buster with "...and you're sure these are Christmas Crackers?"

First runner up is Treadigraph with a pun I couldn't resist:

"Right then you 'orrible lot, when you've finished that, you'll be shelling peas in the cook house.

Blimey Sarge, I'm glad all this 'ard work'll be put to some good use then!"

And the winner of the soon-to-be-platinum-plated CST is Confusious, with: "Dressed up as soldiers, the old bill will never suspect us of nicking all these catalytic converters. [Scouser accent] "

Trophy will be on its way as soon as I can work out the elevation.

[Confusious]

Thanks Chu Chu,
Here we go all.
Enjoy.
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[Buster Hyman]

(in Samuel L Jackson voice) "Merry Christmas Mother F*****S!!!"

[Buster Hyman]

"Waaaah, Waaaaah...Cry some more..."

[Buster Hyman]

Santa wasn't mucking around when Rudolph broke his leg...

[MPN11]

Bloody Elves ... I hate them!

[Dan Gerous]

BAH, HUMBUG!!!

[Chu Chu]

The continuation of politics by other means.

[Buster Hyman]

Santa reclassified Christmas 2022 as a “Special Operation”

[treadigraph]

Due to keen competition from Amazon, Santa needed fewer reindeer this year...

[sealo0]

Vlad, Santa got a present for you! I think it’s got your name on it!

[treadigraph]

Who am I shooting at? Oh, anyone who failed to leave out a mince pie and a glass of Scotch. Or if they leave a Co-op mince pie and a glass of bloody Bells. Ho ho ho my arse...