Caption Competition Mk III

[Ascend Charlie]

Yet another result of unexpected consequences - the Ilyushin team found that putting a four-pronged addition of the nose-wheel leg had the desired result of preventing the critical Mach drag rise of the fuselage. They couldn't retract the wheel, so the Mcrit of 60 kt was rarely achieved anyway.

[Big Pistons Forever]

The Russian transformer movies lost something in the translation……

[Kiltrash]

Strange what you can see on Google Street View...

[Kiltrash]

The Americanski Spy Satelites will just think its a glitch on the screen

[Kiltrash]

No building too difficult for the Conservatory Salesperson.

[Kiltrash]

Window box?
Bird Feeder??
Washing Line???
No you clot it's a Aircraft...
Failed the eye exam again Mr McGooski

[Chu Chu]

Of course it doesn't reach the other building. Everyone knows airplanes have cockpits, not bridges.

[MPN11]

"Are we there yet?"

"Well, Captain, we're certainly somewhere. Shut-down Checklist when you're ready."

[Kiltrash]

Fortunately we were able to rent a flat for Jimmy Durrante for his tour of Moscow.

[Kiltrash]

Or Pinocchio. ....

[jim's brother]

Nyet, nyet, Sergey, the fuselage spec said, "Build-in equipment for plenty of window," not "Building equipped with plenty of windows".

[jim's brother]

At the Russian Museum of Failed Prototypes, the IL-18 is incongruously parked next to the Fencer.

[jim's brother]

I think the AOC thought he'd cleverly stymied our plans for building a new, ultra-luxurious Mess by agreeing the design but stipulating that we musn't touch the gate guardian.

[jim's brother]

The structural engineer said we needed a flying buttress.

[ShyTorque]

“Right…so who left the landing light on last night?”

[andytug]

(not a caption) Judging around 1900 GMT today, or whenever I've finshed my tea :)

[Confusious]

And all because a couple of Scousers thought they could nick a GPS and two fancy seats for their Ford Escort.

[fdr]

"The add did say, plainly furnished, here read it for yourself!"
квартира в аренду, просто меблирована. близко к транспорту. 20 000 рублей в месяц. тихие соседи. короткое такси до магазинов.
unit for rent, plainly furnished. close to transport. 20,000 rubles a month. quiet neighbors. short taxi to shops.

[Buster Hyman]

Well, one minute, we were flying over the Kerch Bridge and the next....

[Chu Chu]

What? No flight director? The ad distinctly said "all mod cons."

[treadigraph]

GFCH...

Is that Russian for :mad: Sergei?

[andytug]

The results are in....

Some cracking puns this time!

Honorable Mentions for all of these :)

Chu Chu - Of course it doesn't reach the other building. Everyone knows airplanes have cockpits, not bridges.

Nutloose - Insulation?.... Bugger, I thought you said you wanted "Cavity Wall Ilyushin"

- Nose tyres looks ok, but I think the mains are both flats.

But the one that made me groan the loudest was this one....

Wenseydale - ..and there is planning permission for a new wing.

[andytug]

The CST is on it way via, avoiding that bridge in Crimea. Russian investigators have posted this picture, which they say definitively identifies the culprit.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x513/fb_img_1665337477204_10b6b9a5fb1342816f4490d3a54edcacdb6c077 f.jpg

[Wensleydale]

Thankyou AT. Let's try this one....


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091. jpeg

[Ascend Charlie]

The try-outs for the new female superhero movie didn't go well, because;
a. None of them were black;
b. All of them were real females; and
c. They got squeamish when told to kill a beetle.

[Confusious]

I think I've got the pump connected correctly so I'll follow you all into the swimming pool soon.

[Chu Chu]

When you said I could dip a rod in my puddle . . .

[NutLoose]

Another Heston Blumenthal food creation and showstopper, thank Firke I ordered a Chinese to collect on the way home, otherwise I would be starving.

[NutLoose]

The Chastity Belt construction for Dummies class was fully signed up following the USA changes to the abortion laws.

[NutLoose]

Are you sure we can’t afford more heating?

[Confusious]

So, if I've got this right then I'll be able to burn off the ugly curly growth on my right ear.

[cavuman1]

Six enthusiastic urology students watch quietly as Dr. Lorena Bobbitt demonstrates her Ouchy Ouchy procedure.

- Ed

[Hydromet]

"For antibiotic-resistant cases, we still have to use the hot needle treatment."
or
"You got it the same old way, we cure it the same old way." (Sorry, can't remember which movie that's from.)

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

How Minions are made

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

1942: Members of No17 Course are put through their paces at Basingthwaite's Nipple Ring factory.

[treadigraph]

And that, girls, is how you discombobulate a man...

[treadigraph]

Is that it? I came here to learn how to be a soldier...

Er, no dear, this class is basic soldering...

[Kiltrash]

Heating or eating.....a age old issue

[Kiltrash]

At the Artificial Insemination Clinic the nurses prepare to take a fresh sample from Buster...
Now watch closely said head nurse Nutty

[Kiltrash]

....why it it called ' The Demon Core ' ??

[andytug]

Well Hoskins did say he wanted his steak brazed?

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091. jpeg

[treadigraph]

The girls watched in rapt silence until Maisie mentioned flux after which they all giggled uncontrollably...

[MPN11]

Roast Marshmallow Master-Class in progress.

[Confusious]

Over enthusiastic students in today's lesson; vibration welding of thermoplastics.

[Buster Hyman]

Photo taken just as Doris (second from right) just before she spits. "Sorry girls, force of habit. Reminds me of a date with Nutty."

[Buster Hyman]

Gogglebox: 1948

[NutLoose]

And with a couple of targetted welds, your Virginity will be restored girls.

[NutLoose]

And as you can see, with some delicate singeing I can produce the perfect Brazillian.


..

[Confusious]

Scorching hashish led to the early discovery of VR.

[Buster Hyman]

So, as you can see, Thrush should be treated with extreme caution...

[Buster Hyman]

"...and now I carefully insert the sauce into the container and...Voila! McDonalds Apple Pie!"

[Kiltrash]

The teacher later regretted having left Class 3b to do their own experiments in their free time...

[Kiltrash]

Teacher....
Now children please welcome our new pupil, Ms Adams....Ah i see Wednesday has already got your attention as she demonstrates her party piece

[treadigraph]

Punishments at St Hilda's Educational Establishment for Refined Young Gentleladies included mending tears in matron's underwear, which which required more than a mere needle and thread...

[Kiltrash]

Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog, Pinch of Spider and Wing of Bat... puff ...
There , said Ms Truss* you will all vote through my crackpot plans...
* or substitute your own crackpot Dictator. ..Leader

[Confusious]

Ladies, when you try this on a real scrotum you may find it more responsive.

[NutLoose]

"Hmmm it smells like fish"...
"No, that's just Agatha"

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091_ jpeg_943dd8489d6e7e56399baf4e207a2e4fd0a8f2b9.jpg

[NutLoose]

It may well be a microchip, but that will never feed anyone.

[NutLoose]

No ladies, this ring isn't supposed to go on his finger..

[Confusious]

Mother Angelica demonstrates to the new nuns what will happen during their forthcoming flap sealing ceremony.

[NutLoose]

"And that finishes my demonstration on thrust augmentation.."
Hmmm... My old man could do with some of that ponders Doris.

[MPN11]

Flying Helmet and Goggles ... hmmm, mused Colonel von Strohm. "Where is the wet celery?" *


* UK readers will understand ... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%27Allo_%27Allo!#Characters

[Chu Chu]

When do we get our coupons? Black Friday is coming up.

[NutLoose]

These beer goggles are bloody useless, not a man in sight.

[NutLoose]

Another duff Russian Sparkler..

[Chu Chu]

Good job today, ladies. Next week, we do it overhead in high heels.

[Confusious]

Right, let's go out into the cold, it's nipple piercing time.

[Chu Chu]

Nice work on the bead. But next time, find a better place to leave your iPhone.*

*Other overpriced communications devices are available.

[treadigraph]

Having spent 33 hours tunnelling into the premises from a disused shop across the way, Bitch Cassidy and the Curly-Wurly-in-the-Walnut-Whorl Gang crack the Chocolate safe in Choccywoccydoodah's Brighton Emporium...

[Kiltrash]

No no its quite safe. The C4 is iner. ..

[Kiltrash]

No no I don't need your help, I know it's Knit one Pearl two.....
( whatever that means.....)
Captain, it's a unbreakable code they are talking.

[Confusious]

Oi, you behind me, as much as I'm enjoying it please stop feeling my arse as this is a very tricky procedure.

[Kiltrash]

I'm sure the Colonel said we would be safe if we turned our backs to the blast and put on our goggles....
Yes but to be safe he required all the men to retire behind the lead Shielding and wear tin foil cricket box's

[Kiltrash]

The draw for the FA Cup was in progress. They expect some explosive ties.

[Kiltrash]

Rosie the Riveter finally gets protective clothing....just as they switched to Mig welding...

[NutLoose]

It’s a rush job for some Russian bridge, so just tack weld the joints every 20 foot or so, they should hold unless it has some excess pressure exerted on it.

[Kiltrash]

The tension reached nerve shredding point, no one wanted to miss the creation of the first test tube baby.......There .... Men are at last redundant. Get your 10in rubber personal pleasure device on the way out...

[Kiltrash]

At Madam Tussauds they recreate the moment mens humour was finally understood. ....

[treadigraph]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091. jpeg

[MPN11]

“OK, now who wanted this testicle well done?”

[Chu Chu]

The 6-foot rule doesn't apply as long as we wear PPE.

[Confusious]

Here's evidence that women doctors were the pioneeers of circumcision. Fortunately technology and male doctors intervened.

[cavuman1]

Women Wearing Beer Goggles, the movie.

- Ed

[treadigraph]

Masie accidentally invents the Stylophone...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

1 demonstrating, 6 pretending to understand.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

While His Lordship's butler was away for a week on Home Guard duties, the rest of the downstairs staff attempted to fill in by sealing His Lordship's letters. Somehow the result was never the same.

[Kiltrash]

At last a means is found for the women to tie up the Christmas presents....that does not involve a additional male digit to hold the tape down...

[Kiltrash]

Only known picture emerges where 7 females in a group ALL have their mouths shut at the same time...

[Kiltrash]

Obviously they are ALL Male cross dressers. I mean have you EVER known females to concentrate on only one thing at a time??

[fitliker]

Looks like the old couponable welding test that was used before ultrasonics and x-rays were the fashion , or it could be a repair to the back , sack and crack tool used at the Brazilian spa .

[Dan Gerous]

For Gods sake Daphne, get a manicure.Those nails are ghastly.

[Buster Hyman]

"Penny. Be careful with that!"
And thus, the Penny Banger was born!

[Ascend Charlie]

Maisie adjusted the rabbit's ears on the world's smallest 3-D TV set, while the rest of the girls waited for the porn movie to come on.

[Confusious]

The short girl was the wrong choice for this job.

[ShyTorque]

Freda demonstrates how to open an engineer’s wallet.

[MPN11]

Wearing headscarves was essential if they were to still look feminine. Ethel missed that part of the briefing.

[Confusious]

They were told to bring plastic bananas, not elastic bandanas.

[Dan Gerous]

I know I'm an influencer, but these goggles are to protect my eyes, not a fashion statement

[Confusious]

I'm no morse code expert Ethel, but I think they're trying to tell us that years of menstruation made us all go blind.

[Confusious]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091_ 5511506b378c587beabbe3850daa2ac9ec7a51d8.jpeg

[MPN11]

Putin in drag demonstrates his new strategy to win his “operation” in minute detail.

[Confusious]

Feel free to chat with me ladies, unlike that chap who took the class last week, I can multitask.

[Self loading bear]

Minions, the prequel

[Self loading bear]

When on 12 November 1955 at 10:04 Marcy McFly asked for the flux capacitor, everything took a completely different route.

[Kiltrash]

There, that's a little Prick in a condom, now who wants to try it first??

[Kiltrash]

A little cube of Phosphorus in a beaker of water, health and safety gone mad with these extra dark goggles...

[Kiltrash]

I'm afraid that with rationing that's all the cheese* we have, now how do I cut it into 7 equal parts..
* of course it could be any foodstuff on rationing, I just happened to randomly choose a lovely crumbly dairy product.

[Confusious]

I know that Lise Meitner was a genius Dotty, but don't you think that splitting the atom and nuclear fission is a bit risky without proper research? We're only the cleaners!

[Wensleydale]

There, that's a little Prick in a condom

Mick Lynch?

[Chu Chu]

The welds looked great, but somehow the new fusion cell failed to produce any actionable intelligence.

[T28B]

Objects seen through the goggles are larger than they appear.

[Hydromet]

"Oops, I've put a hole in it. They'll never let me forget, it will be known forever as Miss Shillings Orifice."

[Kiltrash]

Well the King did ask for a slimmed down Coronation, look honey I shrunk the Crown

[Kiltrash]

There, almost re programmed the truth chip, now hold down Ms Truss while i re install it...in time for PMQ's..

[Kiltrash]

There almost shrunk Alexa, now how do I get her in that little round box??

Ps I don't need Alexa, my wife knows everything. ..boom.. boom...

[Ascend Charlie]

Having brought their tiny abducted Earthling back to Brobdignag, the giant goggle-eyed aliens prepare the anal probe.

[Kiltrash]

Having fended off 5 questions about the Price of Eggs, the sixth one got the response from Mary...' IT JUST DOES...DAMMIT..' Now I'm going home ..you lot can sort it now..

[Kiltrash]

Having taken advice about which wire to cut it was a draw, 3 for the yellow and 3 for the blue.
Mary was seen to apply the cutters to the red one and then the screen went blank.

[Kiltrash]

One wrong move and the whole building will become a ...hole....Ah Aah Aah Che.....

[treadigraph]

Doris: Ok... let's see if our Voodoo doll works...

Maisie: OWWWWWWWWW!

Vera: Ooops!

[Confusious]

The hot-wiring couse at a Liverpool college has broken all class attendance records.

[Chu Chu]

Shut the tanks. I smell garlic!

Hold on a minute. Escargot for lunch again Celine?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091_ 5511506b378c587beabbe3850daa2ac9ec7a51d8_jpeg_432901557ccc03 c6df3dd253f2ecff336fc0dcc0.jpg

[NutLoose]

That's it cut off, damn these pubic hairs are wirey.

[NutLoose]

Are you sure this is what they meant by doing lines?

[Buster Hyman]

Original script for Oceans 8 was flatter than the final one!

[Confusious]

Just shut up and watch, I'm the one with the most stripes around here!

[Buster Hyman]

Arryn! It’s gone out again. Too much moisture in the room.

[NutLoose]

Are you sure we should weld the safety fuse to the bomb Doris??

[NutLoose]

Can anyone remember the instructions? I can remember up to light the blue touchpaper.

[NutLoose]

So that's how they form underwired bras.

[NutLoose]

Doris repairs the Coffman Starter Trophy after the shocking state it was in when received back from Kiltrash.

[NutLoose]

I do love working on the Council working parties.

[Kiltrash]

The Repair Shop take on a Celebrity Challenge to mark the 100th Anniversary of the BBC.... One of his 'ol mums false teeth plates.

[Kiltrash]

Ant Woman the Movie auditions for the starring role

[Kiltrash]

...as the repair was so small and intricate, it was decided the most flat chested had the best chance of success.

[Confusious]

...as the repair was so small and intricate, it was decided the most flat chested had the best chance of success.
And that's the other reason Nutty's ex is spitting, she thinks it should be her.

[Confusious]

My word, this is riveting.

Don't be so bloody stupid Agnes!

[MPN11]

Repairing the Economy needed a woman's touch.

[Ascend Charlie]

"How many women with PMS does it take to solder a wire?"
"Dunno."
"Seven."
"Seven?? Why is that?"
"IT JUST DOES, DAMMIT!!!"

[Chu Chu]

Now move the table and I’ll demonstrate a lap weld.

[Wensleydale]

I'll judge tonight. W.

[Kiltrash]

The National Cap Comp Awards gets ready for its prize giving ceremony tonight. Trophy gets it's final ' buff ' up closely watched by 6 burly security guards.

[Kiltrash]

Well gimme 5 loaves of bread and 6 fishes and i'll feed the masses...
Said Jamie Oliver*
other self centered ' celebraty chefs are available

[Kiltrash]

....and finally...
The Cabinet all gather round as Ms Truss gets ready to pull a rabbit from the hat, to help save her Premiership

[Confusious]

You're all being microchipped today, it's the law. Tomorrow we'll fit your collars and name tags, then after some obedience training it'll be out for walkies and a little socialisation.

[Confusious]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x962/ww2_208_aa_352v_04_da9985b7190412fe813feed3968a6562b6741091_ ec1fc5659304681f6c33f8fdaa6da28f858589c5.jpeg

[Confusious]

I'm just finishing off a new remote control for him, and they call me controlling!

[Wensleydale]

It's results time, and our winner tonight is:

Freda demonstrates how to open an engineer’s wallet.

Oh how true. Well done Sir (or Madam)...the CST is on its way.

[NutLoose]

Unfair, that’s not a winning caption and I should know, it takes more than that to get my wallet open :p

[Kiltrash]

For the youngsters a Wallet is what OLD people keep their money in....Us normal people in Liverpool just steal what we want 😊
Ps Congrats Shy...

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for picture...
Just then Kwasi burst into the Cabinet room exclaiming he had won the US Lottery and would give the $20 he won to the treasury. But it was too late to save his job.

[ShyTorque]

Sorry for being late on parade, I have been up to my eyes in a broken vehicle project this week and having just logged in this morning seen a PM from an engineer complaining about his wallet having been opened.

I’m literally about to leave home for a working weekend so I have to once again offer open house…..

[NutLoose]

Try


https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x675/image_06967d588e46e269c487455fd807791f767bec7b.jpeg

[Hydromet]

Make it quick, Liz, there's a line up behind you.

[Ascend Charlie]

"It was nice knowing you, tell the next PM to try to stay a bit longer, 3 in a year is a bit tiring."

[Confusious]

Let's increase the frequency of your visits to daily.

[Dan Gerous]

My apologies for disturbing you your highness but I need to return this handshake.

[Confusious]

My advice for today is get your moving van booked before all the home evictions kick in.

[Confusious]

Your Majesty, I present to you Optimus, the new Tesla android.

[cavuman1]

Charles III, Rex, thinks to self: "Hmmm; there's something I simply don't Truss about this woman...."

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

Is it time to change my truss?

[Confusious]

Oh, I do hope that you're not here for a damehood.

[Chu Chu]

Camilla was just telling me I should install IOS 16 -- you never know when you might need to recall a PM.

[Kiltrash]

The Sporran? Why? what's loose change

[Confusious]

I'm delighted that mummy only suffered your company once.

[Kiltrash]

Welcome back Agent Truss, I thank you for getting rid of a major stoppage to my career progression...
Thats ok Sire, now can I just return that hand cream you gave me from Aldermaston

[Confusious]

I hope for your sake that your hubby lasts longer than you will.

[Kiltrash]

I hope your not expecting a Ladyship, I hear your successor plans to disband the House of Lords

[Wensleydale]

"Oh good - I thought it might have been that dithering Starmer chap".

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for offering to take a couple of mummy's old Corgies, can't stand the little **** bags myself.
I hear you are taking them with you as a peace offerring to Kim Jun Un
​​​​​​


​

[Confusious]

Damn, I was expecting a curtsey and a few U-Turns.

[Confusious]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x675/image_06967d588e46e269c487455fd807791f767bec7b_52bd77581f855 12c2ed5dc2e338586a2d498aa0f.jpeg

[Confusious]

Cue the jive music Angus, let's go Lizzy it's strictly time.

[Confusious]

It's a bit chilly in here Your Majesty, is there a problem with the heating?

Yes, you and your fruitcake friend.

[Kiltrash]

HMTK.. . Yes I'm a bit worried about my Pension so I was told to seek professional independent financial advice
PM... Oh thank you, your lucky i have the perfect person for you, she helped me with the mini budget. I'll give you Diane Abbots phone number later.

[Kiltrash]

The Spaniel shouts to the flunky.... HOW DARE YOU LET THAT DEMENTED WOMAN IN...
Aide responds...Sire she's the Crown series 5 producer, this might not get you a favourable review....
Oh thank God that's all she is, I thought it was that Ms Sturgeon

[Kiltrash]

Yes, before your mum died she changed her will, I'm here to tell you everything goes to Alan Titchmarsh. You have 5 days to pack your bags or you'll be evicted...

[cynicalint]

The stance? Well, your majesty, just before she came in, she pharted but (snigger) she followed through!

[Confusious]

She's got pockets in that dress Angus. Instruct my guards to search her on the way out.

[Confusious]

Angus help me, is he King Charles the second, I'm ****e with numbers?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Christ, two chaps in dresses! What did Mummy used to say? When in doubt, go for the one in heels?

[Kiltrash]

I feel for your loss...
As do I, too loose one Chancellor is unfortunate, however two is a different matter.

[Kiltrash]

In Scotland the householder warmly welcomes her guest and asks..
" Come away in, you'll have had your tea "?

[Kiltrash]

Now about your speech at University promoting the suggestion of abolishing the Monarchy?
Yes that was, in hindsight, not one of my better ideas, said Charles

[Kiltrash]

In celebration of the BBC's100 birthday a new series is commissioned where celebrity love child's are introduced to their long gone parents.

[Kiltrash]

The Landlord welcomes his tennent, to hand back the keys to her house, after her let finishes predictably early

[Confusious]

Are you here in response to our advert for a cleaner?

No, I'm your Prime Minister.

Shame, as I was rather hoping that you were planning ahead for a change.

[Kiltrash]

I'm sorry that I have dragged you away from, I'm sure, more important matters, however the constitution dictates we have a chat every Tuesday....
However before we start, just how are the plants managing without you at Highgrove ??

[Dan Gerous]

]https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x675/image_06967d588e46e269c487455fd807791f767bec7b_52bd77581f855 12c2ed5dc2e338586a2d498aa0f.jpeg

Mmmm, black hose and heels...I might try that later this week.

[Confusious]

I do love my weekly Downing Street soap opera, what's been happening this week?

I sacked my best friend and replaced him with my new best friend, which didn't go down with some of my previous best friends.

[Kiltrash]

PM...Sorry it's a bit dark in here...
HMTK. Yes I have replaced electric lights with candles, just getting used to when PowerGen goes on strike. ..

[Kiltrash]

Well I did suggest appointing Baldrick as your Chancellor. ...but noooo...

( stolen from another thread )

[Kiltrash]

Hello, I'm your friendly decisive local MP. Can I count on your vote in the December General Election??

​​​​​

[Buster Hyman]

Good afternoon. I’m here to save you money on your electricity costs, may I see your latest bill?

[Buster Hyman]

Thank you for my new Pens. They were delightful and an indication of how workable our relationship will be….

[Buster Hyman]

Not too close or Camilla will smell your essence on me.

[Buster Hyman]

Well, you’re a bit old to be my Brothers date, so you must be the PM!

[andytug]

"Hello. Mummy used to spend time getting to know her Prime Ministers, but I suggest we skip that bit as there's not much point, is there?"

[Kiltrash]

Your predecessor did promise to built 30 new Hospitals in 10 years. So I'm free next week to open them. ...

[Kiltrash]

Like you i'm just a figure head with no real power, orchestrated by faceless minions....shall we run away together??

[Kiltrash]

So did the Def Sec say there was no point you writing a Letter of Last Resort, or did he say to just leave Mr Johnson's in the safe??

[sangiovese.]

Have you met my gender transitioning equerry?

[Big Pistons Forever]

I won't stand too close as I see you have a bad case of COVID (Conservative Opinion Violently in Disagreement)

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry Prime Minister, I hear Nutloose does not let the Cap Comp go on too long, so he will be along soon to put you out your misery. ( if your still PM tomorrow )

[Kiltrash]

Why yes I did read the Sunday papers this morning. ...don't believe everytime you see in the broadsheets....
Yes Ms Raymer please can you form a Government on Tuesday... ( I always thought she was a red head )

[Confusious]

Is it true that you've had sex with all your cabinet ministers?

Are you insinuating that I'm gay?

[Confusious]

I'm really looking forward to your coronation.

Thank you dear, I'm sure that it'll be televised on all channels.

[Kiltrash]

I'm sorry Prime Minister, however Angus has brought urgent news from London,
Oh what is it??
Its a large city in the south of England, but that's not important right now, it appears that your 1922 committee have changed the locks at No 10 Downing Street...

[Big Pistons Forever]

Well at least we have something in common, neither of us seem to be much liked by the British people…..

[cavuman1]

"Damn!"' exclaimed the Prime Minister as she pitched forward. "That silly dress-wearing man tripped me up just as I was about to meet the King!"

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

"So, you've come to collect the Capcomp trophy for Buster - that's it on the stand in the corner. Not the stand, just the empty Foster's can on the top."

[Self loading bear]

Your Highness may I be so bold to congratulate you with your career move?

Of course, how bold you want to be?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Hey, mind the carpet....I've just got all the dog hairs out of it.

[Kiltrash]

KC3...
​​​​​I'm pleased to meet you, I hear your to collect my late mothers old clothes and donate anonymously for charity.
LT..
The least i can do...( however thinks )
There must be something I can have to keep me warm on the cold nights, in the Blackfriars underpass...

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for being so honest and frank Prime Minister, so everything's cushty in the country, did you know mummy did say your predecessor was a lying toe rag and could not believe anything he said...I looks like we will have a long and successful time together.

[Kiltrash]

Angus ... I want to know how some public riff raff on a tour of Balmoral managed to access the State Apartments ....and check the monogramed ashtrays are still accounted for

[Kiltrash]

Thank you for comming, Angus will show you out, oh one last thing, do you have Mr Johnson's number please? I have a couple of calls to make.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Prime Minister, I wasn't expecting you so early, on a Monday, in Balmoral, however your call did sem urgent, what's up, have you come to offer your resignation. .???
Er no your Highness, I have a statement to make in the house later today and I was wondering could you...
a) announce Camilla Pregnant??
or
b) ask your Saudi chums for a ' gift' of say £100bn. In readies in a suitcase??

[NutLoose]

Last orders... Please

[Confusious]

You've left this wide open Ms Truss. They called Kwasi a Kamikaze, what on earth do you think they'll call Mr. Hunt?

[Kiltrash]

Well you can use the excuse 101 for Prime Ministers not to appear in the Commons that the Monarch called you up to see him. ..for 6 weeks....so you will not be the shortest serving resident of No10

[Kiltrash]

Hope you didn't give up your day job....now what was it again??
Unemployable Sire ...😁

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption...What will come first...Nutty judges the Cap Comp or Liz Truss gets 'removed ' place your bets now 😁
However ...and finally from me...
HMTK....Ah Prime Minister can you close the door on the way out please, awfully drafty here and Angus is complaining about where it is going 😊 and don't let it hit you on the arse

[ACW599]

"Gosh, er, well, good evening Your Highness. It seems we both subscribe to the same internet dating site".

[ShyTorque]

“You put your right leg in, your right leg out…….”


“Oh, by the way, when we get to “and you turn around”….it’s nothing personal but nothing new there, is there?”

[Hydromet]

Make it quick, Liz, there's a line up behind you.
And the same to you, Your Majesty.

[NutLoose]

Best get this scored before there is another PM.. ok in no specific order the final four are

Confusious with

Cue the jive music Angus, let's go Lizzy it's strictly time.

Dan Gerous with

My apologies for disturbing you your highness but I need to return this handshake.

sangiovese

Have you met my gender transitioning equerry?

Confusious

Are you here in response to our advert for a cleaner?

No, I'm your Prime Minister.

Shame, as I was rather hoping that you were planning ahead for a change.


But I award the CST to

Confusious with

Cue the jive music Angus, let's go Lizzy it's strictly time.


Second is Dan

Third is Sangiovese

Forth place goes to Confusious

Over to you Confusious and thank you all for many a chuckle…

[Confusious]

Ta Nutty.
Here we go, enjoy all.
https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x469/funny_pictures_military_day_off_2_11b935fbc9bdfd0e2d56192069 c44ab03095f863.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

I hear the Chinese are recruiting Western ex military. Maybe we can get in on the armoured rickshaw contract.

[Wensleydale]

Having signed up for a GPMG course, Brian discovers that it actually stands for "Go Pedalling with My Gunner".

[Kiltrash]

Funnily enough ever since we launched this one, no one tailgate us.

[Wensleydale]

The Tour de France breakaway group finally triumphs.

[Wensleydale]

Enforcing the new 20mph residential zones is proving easier than first thought.

[Kiltrash]

A fresh attempt on the World best time for the Marathon gets in some serious practice

[Wensleydale]

Bus strike?? What Bus Strike!

[Wensleydale]

The Gov't reveals its get-tough policy on oil protesters.

[Kiltrash]

Mav ensured Goose kept the weapons trained on Red 2. Who was looking to take over as Red 1

[Kiltrash]

Basic training for Tail end Charlie about firing on a moving target from a moving position....
Dammit got the CO's Dog, ...again

[treadigraph]

Ah, a spot of gun bike diplomacy usually gets results...

[treadigraph]

Do these machines confer any ill effects on their crews, Sarn't Major?

Well sir, Gunner Milligan's got house maid's knee and Corporal Clott's suffering from saddle sores and haem-herorrhoids...

Stout fellahs! Very good, carry on!

[Ascend Charlie]

Whoever stole Trailer #98 is in big trouble...

[Chu Chu]

Very clever, Hoskins. But wouldn’t it have been easier just to buy an e-bike like everyone else?

[Chu Chu]

If this works, we’ll have solved the training riddle, and will finally be able to put tail gunners on Jaguars.

[Buster Hyman]

Zelensky less than impressed with Germanys latest donation

[NutLoose]

Pilot to gunner, prepare for a rapid onset of positive G followed rapidly by negative G, speed bump ahead..

[NutLoose]

Do you think it was wise to put all our eggs in one basket?

[NutLoose]

We are nearly at the Raleigh point.