Caption Competition Mk III

[Confusious]

Last orders please ladies, gentlemen and others.
I'll call it this evening at about 21:00 UTC.

[622]

Flg Off Hoskins looked very smug on the wing until the Steward demanded a bar chit for the beer!

[MPN11]

Wg Cdr Ponsonby-Smythe had requested Gin in one tank and Tonic in the other. HQ 11 Gp denied the request, as the supplies were needed at Bentley Priory.

[622]

Err..chaps, great idea to fill it there for ease of access ....but how are you going to lift it to fit it to my Spit?

[NutLoose]

Don't worry if it's gone orf, i'll drop it on Jerry

[NickB]

"Southwest Water finds an alternative solution to just pumping excess fluids into the sea..."

[NutLoose]

I don't know which is the bigger suppository, the container or the content, both have the same effect and give me the shhh......

[Kiltrash]

Hurry up lads stop being so pedantic

Who do you think you are?? Shop Stewards?
or
Its Last Orders in a couple of hours and you know just how Confused the lads get if they don't get blasted each night

[Kiltrash]

PO Jock McKiltrash asks for his full weight of allowance for his posting to Kent. .
" I t's liquid gold when you think of the crap they serve in the Officers Mess at Biggin "

[Chu Chu]

Pilot looks on as ground crew defueling dropped drop tank struggle to start siphon.

[Kiltrash]

...and finally... in other news tonight, The RAF get ready to celebrate HM Queen Elezabeth ascending to the Throne, by flying in additional supplies of the Queen Mothers favourite tipple....Flavoured Scottish Water... wink wink.

[Confusious]

Time!...No lock in tonight, so get out the lotta yas!

Ist prize, a bottle of Spitfire Amber Ale (picture attached).
MPN11
P: OK, have we done the full trim and balance calculations, given the different specific gravity? And the Risk Assessments? Are the Carriage limits within specification? Will that chalk affect the drag calculations?
SAC: F off, Mr. Hoskins.

2nd prize, a wee dram.
Kiltrash
Big Bertha waits patiently for her water filled dildo from Amazon .... Be carefull what you ' Click ' for

3rd prize, 'alf a wee dram.
Wensleydale
The Op Order specified that the Spitfire had to be armed with a minimum 200 Rounds........

Congratulations MPN11. Enjoy your virtual ale.


https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/540x540/80aec5b5_77b4_4a67_ae4e_4848a175b41f_1014321582_1f2764503285 d42a4688e708cb8eefc15fb25c05.jpeg

[MPN11]

Oh, WOWZA ... And thank you!

Upload issues ... will try in the morning, unless someone wants to carry the torch?

[MPN11]

Got it ... up and away!

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x628/origin_79faef3e9adf33fdcc1d6f9941e91c49327470d9.png

[Kiltrash]

Pakistan devised accommodation for the masses regardless of the water levels

[Kiltrash]

Gonna need a bigger bath tub for little Johnny s toy plane

[Kiltrash]

What a naked Zeppelin looks like under the coverings

[cynicalint]

The Royal Navy's initial concept of an aircraft carrier was somewhat off the mark

[cynicalint]

Let's just wing it, I'm sure it will fly...

[cynicalint]

Just one engine, yes. we don't want to over-engineer redundancy into the design.

[cavuman1]

The von Richthofen triplets were thrilled with their "Triple Fokker" nonoplane.

- Ed

[treadigraph]

Ah, that's what I like to see! You can never have too many struts!

[treadigraph]

The first class accommodation looks great, not sure about steerage though...

[cynicalint]

Just as the scientists thought finding water on Mars was astonishing, along came....

[Confusious]

The only volunteer that came forward to test fly it was young James from Halfpenny Green who was desperately building up his flying hours. Just about scraped a dubious 5 seconds of single engine piston time.

[Confusious]

The world's first fly by wire aircraft.

[Self loading bear]

Heathrow* announces further cuts in slots as queuing in the holding pattern leads to multiple incidents.
(* other airports to your choice)

[Confusious]

Test pilot: The design plan included differential ailerons, but not spanning the longitudinal axis you bloody fools.

[Confusious]

Is that Granny Clampett I see up there on her rocking chair?

[NutLoose]

Having briefed the manufacturer, Hoskins was regretting his stutter when he requested a high w w w w w w w w w w w w…. winged a a…. aircraft.

[Hydromet]

Low water levels on the Danube meant cruise operators had to resort to desperate measures.

[Ascend Charlie]

The "Blind" was made in Venice, and to fit through the canals, the pilot pulls on a cord and the slats - sorry, wings- fold up.

[fitliker]

The great advantage of ground effect vessels is the savings on fuel , the only problem is getting them into ground effect first .

[fitliker]

Hard to tack those horizontal combo sail wing thingies into the wind . Might need to convert some horizontal structure to the vertical for some better bite of the wind . Obviously not a Piaggio design floatplane .

That years entry for the Schneider trophy never did get off the step , engineer claims it was probably due to the stowaways from Lake Geneva not his perfect design.

[treadigraph]

Wilson, why do you always whistle the theme from "The Onedin Line" when we use my executive aircraft?

[Kiltrash]

' wing Walker? ' yes I think that she is here...somewhere

[Kiltrash]

Saunders Roe later regretted hiring a chief designer who did not declare his stammer till the Flying Boat was completed

[Kiltrash]

Co pilot transitioning to type to skipper
Very Good sir but 9 power Levers??
Yes you can never have too much redundancy

[Kiltrash]

Captain Birds Eye's new fishing boat....the Fish see this and all die laughing and float to tbe surface. None of this messing about with hauling nets etc

[Kiltrash]

After the latest unfortunate incident in the waters off Faslane, Green peace descide to make their protest boat truly eye catching, even to Captain Magoo in his Periscope

[CAEBr]

There is more cord in all those sash windows than in the flying controls.

[CAEBr]

"Why are the fwd ailerons operating differently to the centre and aft ones ?"
"Primary, secondary and tertiary control effects sir"

[MPN11]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x628/origin_af47bc442d002fe0267318837a850542148c2a24.jpg

[Wensleydale]

Although it contained both a bar and a cocktail lounge, the replacement aircraft for the Red Arrows was rejected because of its high risk of bird strike.

[Kiltrash]

Vary late one Spring Morning Afternoon, Led Zep opened their bedroom curtains in Montreux and found that Frank Zappa and the Mama''s had grabbed the best recording studio on the Lake Geneva shoreline, and burnt the place to the ground. As the smoke cleared slowly from the water this aparation drifted into view. At that point Led Zep decided to stop taking LSD, well till the record company wanted a follow up album.



​​​​

[Kiltrash]

Electroplane Aircraft company finally find a design to carry all the photovoltaic panels needed

[Kiltrash]

Gonna need a bigger hanger

[andytug]

Due to an admin error, the design contract for the "flying boat" was awarded to the Royal Dockyard Chatham, and this was the result....

[treadigraph]

Flying machine? Why no, my boy, it's a submarine...

[ACW599]

"Well, Bloggs, how did you think your first formation trip went?"

[fitliker]

There is the PBY and this the PBWHY ?

[fitliker]

So obviously not a Piaggio design flying boat .

[Confusious]

Hoskins - Sir, she'll never fly with that bouy attached to her rear.

[treadigraph]

Smithers, when I said we needed to develop an aeroplane capable of flying blind this isn't quite what I meant...

[treadigraph]

Slats? Of course its got slats! Whaddya think the things sticking out the sides are...

[Chu Chu]

We put wings at both ends so we could retreat by reversing pitch on the props.

[Confusious]

The Navy call it a flying boat.
The RAF call it a boat.

[ACW599]

MFTS formation training was to such a high standard that even after landing the three-ship appeared to be glued together.

[Buster Hyman]

Oh, is this what they mean by Plane sailing?

[Buster Hyman]

No you idiot, the Hydrofoil goes in the water!

[sealo0]

Red 1 said “at least they can count to nine!”

[Confusious]

Spot any design faults Hoskins?
Oh yes sir, it's not possible to get up there and swing the prop.

[Confusious]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x628/origin_af47bc442d002fe0267318837a850542148c2a24_f97cb094133f fe98337fba208de0531eb3f5cf07.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Okay, I guess it's back to the drawing board for Project Sunrise then!

[Confusious]

The perfect vessel for Sub-Lieutenant Trigger.

[Buster Hyman]

Sir, I think I saw a Mermaid.
Yes, yes, we've all seen them. But, if you happen to see a Flight Attendant, send her my way!

[cavuman1]

The admirers of the female designer of the craft were quite pleased that she surely knew how to strut her stuff!

- Ed

[cavuman1]

The ample and luxurious cabin featured large rectangular picture windows which could be lowered to accommodate oars when a RATO - Rower Assisted Take Off - was required.

- Ed

[SASless]

My Dear Chap.....why ever would you suggest she was British designed?

[NutLoose]

So we have combined all the reds into one kite so it will look like they are all in the air…. Looping it? Ermmmm we better have a look at the drawings again..

[Confusious]

And for all you doubters, we've just successfully completed a full loop of the lake.

[Kiltrash]

Now all we gotta do is get the sheets of 8x4 up there and bingo a Aircraft Carrier. None of this wasting £3bn on a pontoon to tie up in the Solent
​​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

You seriously think you'll get permission to Buzz the Tower?? Now the Admiral's Daughter, that's a different chance

[treadigraph]

Ah allwaysh deshign better after a few Caproni and shyders...

[Kiltrash]

At Rose Bay the first flying boat from the UK landed long and crashed into the First Fleet... and so Australian history was re written

[Kiltrash]

In Lake Como the Top Gear team design a water born ice cream van. As usual they over think the design

( stock answer virtual guaranteed to cover ANY picture in the PPRuNe Comp )

[Kiltrash]

Im sure I only orderred one ( 1 ) Vickers Vimy on Deliveroo. ...

[Dan Gerous]

The Nile Cruise Company went a bit overboard promoting tonights feature film, Top Gun.

[Dan Gerous]

Well we had to destroy a rain forest, but we got the wing spars made.

[cavuman1]

It won't fly f'ard, but it backs up like a sumbitch!

- Ed

[cynicalint]

The shipwrights mistake on the rigging plans led to a three-masted, square-rigged, ocean-going goat-phuck of a disaster; however, it was an inspiration to brothers Orvil and Wilbur.

[Confusious]

Quick son look, I've just completed my first ever full size model kit.

Dad, HMS Victory looks nothing like it does on the box.

Well, there aren't any parts left.

[Confusious]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x628/origin_af47bc442d002fe0267318837a850542148c2a24_2200c907ccb0 b8bf158db46ffc021089edc0658a.jpg

[Confusious]

Wrong with it, I'll tell you what's bloody wrong with it...It's got no nav lights!

[Confusious]

Michael Barrymore welcoming the first guests aboard yelling "top, middle or bottom" and "what is a hot spot not?".

[Kiltrash]

Well it's also for quick drying the passengers washing

[Kiltrash]

Wings? You can never have too many wings, .....Drumsticks, well that's a different matter.

[Kiltrash]

Knew it was a mistake allowing Sharkey-Ward to be in charge of the RAF's post war development

[Kiltrash]

Well I got the idea when I was flying Rubber Dog Sh!t out of Hong Kong. .. The sailings junks were a sight to see in Kawloon Bay

[Buster Hyman]

Mallory? Are you sure this is what you meant?

[Kiltrash]

Well I got the idea to place these atop the Arizona Memorial in Pearl from the Sydney Opera House.
However Prince Charles said somthing about a
' Carbuncle '

[Kiltrash]

It's like the Forth Bridge...
What, a magnificent piece of Victorian Engineering? ?
No when you have finished painting it you got to start all over again.

[treadigraph]

"I covered the wings with material from my wife's favourite dress."
"That's a hell of a lot of material..."
"She's a hell of a lot of woman..."

[Chu Chu]

Benito had to be let go from the project. He kept stealing struts and tying them together.

[622]

Well, it goes further than HMS PoW ......

[ACW599]

It came to light recently that Erno Goldfinger, the Modernist architect responsible for iconic buildings such as Trellick Tower and Carradale House, had a sideline in aircraft design.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

What happens when you give a rigger a pencil and a drafting table.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

OK, take off checks complete. Number One, phone the Flight Engineer and request full power please.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

It looks the way it does because at flying speed, it's generating so much drag it actually goes backwards.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Sopwith's explanation was that, once you've built several thousand 1 1/2 Strutters, you've got to find something to do with all those left over 1/2 struts.

[MPN11]

Well, it's Friday, and all good things must come to an end.


https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/975x539/il_caproni_ca_60_dopo_l_incidente_4_marzo_1921_copy_8bd6ea3a 96ecf36aa06484e271abb1007991bed2.jpg

Some excellent inputs, with the Lesser Order of the Boat awarded to the following ...

Hydromet ... Low water levels on the Danube meant cruise operators had to resort to desperate measures.
CAEBr ... "Why are the fwd ailerons operating differently to the centre and aft ones ?"
"Primary, secondary and tertiary control effects sir"
Traffic_Is_Er_Was ... Sopwith's explanation was that, once you've built several thousand 1 1/2 Strutters, you've got to find something to do with all those left over 1/2 struts.

But the Grand Prix du Airfix, with non-PC Bar, and the CST goes to ...

Chu Chu ...We put wings at both ends so we could retreat by reversing pitch on the props.

Have a great weekend, folks!

[Kiltrash]

Not a cation....Obviously. .. but Tommy the tug boat said...." Oh no not again "

Ps well done Chu Chu..

[treadigraph]

Too late caption: "I thought it looked like a House of Cards..."

[Chu Chu]

Thanks very much MPN!

Let's try this one for the holiday (here) weekend:
https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x597/shell_1ce050677b9cb2a5527ad8841db66dfae0effd39.jpg

[Confusious]

I don't think that he's drunk sir, how would you react to a stick of that size penetrating your one way valve?

[Ascend Charlie]

Before the Buzz-Bombs, there was the Vibrating Shell, and Lantz-Korporal Schmidt seems to want to hold it forever.

[Buster Hyman]

He said he passed it last night. Proud as punch he was. Biggest kidney stone we’d ever seen!

[Confusious]

I'm gonna make some trench art outta this for me missus.

[Buster Hyman]

He caught it before it landed! Amazing. We were all shell shocked of course.

[Buster Hyman]

Last known photo from before the Spanbroekmolen crater was formed.

[treadigraph]

Zer British use zer Schpitfires to deliver zer beer bombs to zer front line, we just get zer artillery to shoot Schnapps shells at us...

[Kiltrash]

Having travelled through time, the Stealth F35b's landed in the mist behind them. No one noticed of course

[Kiltrash]

Cpl Punch was very pleased with what he had caught....

[Kiltrash]

Now if only the Russians would stop shelling us. After all it is Christmas Day, have they no sense of religion

[treadigraph]

Great War prophylactics were somewhat cumbersome but also overcame brewer's droop...

[Buster Hyman]

Oh how they laughed when Fritz revealed exactly what his Battle of the Bulge was!

[Buster Hyman]

Too close for missiles, switching to....Artillery shells?

[ACW599]

Mashed off his t*ts on magic mushrooms, Feldwebel Braun was convinced he'd had a baby.

[Confusious]

Smoking is bad for your health, especially when playing with fireworks.

[MPN11]

"Kaliber? I never touch the stuff."

[Buster Hyman]

Nobody knew why Sgt. Schulz was posted to a POW camp until they found a picture from WW1.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x597/shell_1ce050677b9cb2a5527ad8841db66dfae0effd39.jpg

[treadigraph]

Early Tamagotchis were quite simple...

[Confusious]

Fritz photo bombing yet again.

[Kiltrash]

Herman Goring later demanded to know who was taking the p!ss of the Feurher, was relieved to know it was only the stars from " It ain't half hot mum "

[Kiltrash]

Just off camera Hans was about to come behind the soldiers with a ticking alarm clock....that he then STOPPED...

[Kiltrash]

Then they noticed the chalk marks read, " Up Yours Adolf " c/o The Eagles Nest Bavaria

[Kiltrash]

Chap whose face we cannot see playfully put the Officers Chamber Pot onto Schultz head ....

[Kiltrash]

Having been fraternising with the French women in Nouvion, the men are given Parenting classes

[Kiltrash]

....Later opened up to reveal the true final location of " the Fallen Madonna with the big Boobies " by Van Clump.

[Kiltrash]

Now remind me again, Red band was a Training shot, or was it the Green one

[Confusious]

Yes Franz, Adolf has awarded you with two stripes and you can bring them with you to the special place we're taking you to.

[treadigraph]

Every unit has a Private Pike...

[MPN11]

George Formby briefly posed on the 'other side' before returning to UK and resuming Window Cleaning.

[MPN11]

Hans, Gefrieter = Acting Corporal, but there's no need to overdo it. Adolf over there has the right idea.

[Confusious]

This shell landed on my head, only wearing my Stahlhelm saved me from brain damage.

[Kiltrash]

Fritz was demonstrating his party piece, of catching a bullet in his teeth, however he foolishly accepted his comrades bet to supersize the stunt.

[Kiltrash]

Fritz was not amused when a comrade hit his helmet with s 6lb club hammer....almost made him drop his cigarette

[fitliker]

With a grin like that , the shell is going to be shocked .

[fitliker]

Just remember, anything is a sex toy , if you are brave enough

[NutLoose]

Dear Albert Speer, thank you for the thousand rounds of artillery shells, one of which we have here, would it be possible to get a gun to fire them?

[fitliker]

In the harsh years before the build lilli doll , men had to use all of their imagination with roundish thingies .

[Buster Hyman]

Russian ammunition storage was inspired by an unlikely source…

[cynicalint]

The Germans take playing Russian Pass-the-Parcel very seriously!

[cynicalint]

Anne Summers gets retro inspiration for her new 'Bullet!

[fitliker]

The best way to check if the ammo is live is using the dunt test , bang it hard enough on your helmet or bulkhead if your on a ship , to make a loud “ dunt “ noise . If it doesn’t go bang. Likely it is inert and probably just a training round or you did not make a loud enough DUNT you ****. If it goes bang you do not have to worry if the correct paint codes were used or some colour blind person Yop got the paint mixed up .

[Kiltrash]

You call that a bomb? Try this for size Fritz, ....said Barnes Wallis.

[Kiltrash]

Howzaat! !

[Kiltrash]

Oh well caught Hans, now don't drop it, clearly it's a Ground Burst model

[Kiltrash]

Sgt Wilson type was most surprised that one of Cpl Jones suggestions actually worked. ..

[treadigraph]

Private Gustav Fawkes expands on his plan to destroy his unit's scheissenhausen as a protest against the lot of the common soldier.

[Buster Hyman]

...and that's where the idea for the Quarter Pounder with Cheese came from.

[treadigraph]

Schmitt! You are the cook house orderly! That is not what is required when shelling peas!

[Dan Gerous]

I haff a cunning plan. Ve stick some Carlsberg and Heineken labels on ze shells and ze englanders vill velcome vith open arms, ja?

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x597/shell_1ce050677b9cb2a5527ad8841db66dfae0effd39.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Having used his metal detection device, Fritz was most suprised it was not a hand grenade he discovered

[Kiltrash]

Colonels letter to the widow telling her that her husband, and 3 friends, all died. It was something they picked up on active duty

[Kiltrash]

One of Sharkey-Ward (snr) air strikes, claimed 4 kills making him a WW2 ace. However photo evidence later drew doubt on his claims

[SLXOwft]

I don't know about the enemy but he Gefreiter-ns me!

[Chu Chu]

This one seems to have become inert. so I'll call it in a few hours.

[Confusious]

This one seems to have become inert.
Said Franz about the gas in his giant fag lighter.

[Ascend Charlie]

When Fritz buys a round, he takes it literally.

[Chu Chu]

A bunch of great entries, once again. Unfortunately, I can only pick one (well maybe three):

In third place is Kiltrash with his somewhat unorthodox: "Now if only the Russians would stop shelling us. After all it is Christmas Day, have they no sense of religion":

In second, Fitliker with: "With a grin like that , the shell is going to be shocked."

And winning the CapComp trophy to start a new week, Treadigraph with: "Early Tamagotchis were quite simple..."

The trophy will be on its way as soon as I get it fed, changed, and taken to its EOD appointment..

[Confusious]

A bunch of great entries, once again. Unfortunately, I can only pick one (well maybe three):

In third place is Kiltrash with his somewhat unorthodox: "Now if only the Russians would stop shelling us. After all it is Christmas Day, have they no sense of religion":

In second, Fitliker with: "With a grin like that , the shell is going to be shocked."

And winning the CapComp trophy to start a new week, Treadigraph with: "Early Tamagotchis were quite simple..."

The trophy will be on its way as soon as I get it fed, changed, and taken to its EOD appointment..
All three of these activated my chuckleometer. Well done Treaders, bring on the new week.

[treadigraph]

Cheers Chu Chu, have a go with this one...

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1020x680/396a0703_edit_1020x680_3838b503f911d025ba44a6686bbb6b26ee2c3 c21.jpg

[Hydromet]

"I wonder how many clowns will come out of it."

[Confusious]

Bud dad, you said we were going out to see tigers, leopards and panthers.

[fdr]

Cheers Chu Chu, have a go with this one...

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1020x680/396a0703_edit_1020x680_3838b503f911d025ba44a6686bbb6b26ee2c3 c21.jpg

Is this one of the jack-in-a-box ones?

[Dan Gerous]

New from Skaro Manufacturing, the All Terrain Dalek

[cynicalint]

Real aircrew wee on the tyre like this as well.

[Wensleydale]

The new Liverpool school transport.

[NutLoose]

Are you sure we can get a Saladin it?

[NutLoose]

They're just girls, what would they know about tanks.

[NutLoose]

I 'eard it's going to Ukraine wiff the Ferret they already 'ave.

[Buster Hyman]

Piss off kids, we’re in stealth mode!

[Buster Hyman]

Biggest Dalek I’ve ever seen!

[Kiltrash]

To a child a sign " Do not Climb " is a obvious invitation

[Kiltrash]

Treadigraph was later arrested for publishing a picture with the children's faces not pixelated out.

[Kiltrash]

Are you sure that shell your banging is a training roun. ....( BANG )

[Kiltrash]

Having studied basic Geometry at school, Swot jnr is not sure the gun is pointing at Scratchwood ( London Gateway ) Services ....Now Croydon is a different matter

[Kiltrash]

Child shouting... NOW PLEASE CAN WE HAVE 3 99's a MIVVI and 3 MAGNUMS "
Sorry sonny but we're all a bit deaf in here

[Kiltrash]

Lt Gruber asked the children to be more carefull with Clarence .... Trouble was the French kids did not speak German

[Kiltrash]

Carlos Saintz waits patiently for the mechanics to change his tyres

[Kiltrash]

As the parking Enforcement Officer did not have a wheel clamp large enough, small children were chained to the wheels instead.

[Kiltrash]

Boy in the middle asks the child to his left...
Did your dad not teach you to hold your winkle when having a wee???
Replies, well no after I took some of my dad's Viagra it's stands to attention all by itself.

[Kiltrash]

Teacher....so children does this inspire you what you want to be when you grow up? ?
All in unison , yes Sir, Utubers

[Kiltrash]

In Longbridge the prototype Austin Allegro goes on display.....
No thats a tank, the Allegro is the pile of rust behind you ...
( also works if you substitute Moscow and Lada Riva )

[Dan Gerous]

That's some water pistol and it can fire tennis balls as well. We'll get mum to get us one for Xmas.

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1020x680/396a0703_edit_1020x680_3838b503f911d025ba44a6686bbb6b26ee2c3 c21.jpg

[fitliker]

My pals warned me , Always make sure there are sweeties in the van before you get in , or you won’t be getting any sweeties !

[fitliker]

The ice cream vans are getting upgraded equipment for the Easterhouse runs

[Kiltrash]

Well children, you know the US President has a car called The Beast? Well this was the British PM's car used when Mr Johnson visited Her Majesty The Queen ...

[treadigraph]

(Bit quiet this one, I'm out today but will call a winner in about 24hrs...)

[NutLoose]

Cool, it's unscrewing, I have a collection of tyre valves from military vehicles at home.

[NutLoose]

Why did they name it Buster?
Because it's a little bore....

[NutLoose]

Damn, padlocks

[NutLoose]

It's a Nato tank
How can you tell?
Easy, the tyres are inflated.

[NutLoose]

Liverpool's truancy officer rounds up a few more.

[NutLoose]

My dad says he used to drive one of these.
Why did he sell it and buy a Daihatsu then?

[NutLoose]

'es sitting on our bleeding 'opscotch game...

[Dan Gerous]

I'm telling you it's a Challenger 2. I'm the defence correspondent for the Beano, and I know what I'm talking about.

[NutLoose]

I can't see the crew..
Of course you can't, they're wearing camouflage.

[NutLoose]

My dad told me this was the retrofit they came out with to solve the Ajax's problems.

[Kiltrash]

Now wash your mouth out little Jimmy, That's not what's called Turrets Syndrome.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Kilroy, glad to see you can spell your name correctly

[Kiltrash]

After Darth Vader lost the use of his legs, the Empire fitted him with a set of wheels ..

[andytug]

"Jimmy! Get Dad's tractor and we'll take it home!"

[treadigraph]

OK, the Judge has got his wig on... quick round up:

Second place with a zooper contribution:

Confusious: Bud dad, you said we were going out to see tigers, leopards and panthers.

Winner with a spot of comic genius...

Dan Gerous: I'm telling you it's a Challenger 2. I'm the defence correspondent for the Beano, and I know what I'm talking about.

Congrats, as soon as I can ferret it out, the CST will be on its way...

Mine might have been "Jeez, they take truancy seriously around here..."

[Dan Gerous]

Thanks Treadi. Have a go at this one folks.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x750/prune_8__3e0f5af175e5c97a97a9c8f2fced8cae2a78da4d.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Well you said you wanted a Flying Car, Marty

[Kiltrash]

Its a Wind Powered alternative motive power vehicle.

[Kiltrash]

At Salisbury the Army are tasked with recovering a stranded Scout car. however owing to a Navigation error they picked up a Kardashian Childs toy car.

[Ascend Charlie]

"The intercom? It's the button on the cyclic under your third finger......oh poop....."

[treadigraph]

Roger dahling, those dastardly "Eastern Europeans" have overcome your anti-theft measures...

[treadigraph]

Hah! That's the last time your "manly" exhaust crackle wakes up the neighbourhood...

[Hydromet]

Proof of concept testing for Tesla's electric helicopter, using the battery in the underslung car.

[622]

For God's sake...I was only five minutes over on my parking!

[622]

Right Hoskins ....a bit more of an incentive to get you to drop underslung loads more carefully.....below us I have attached the CO's car....

[treadigraph]

If you don't tell me where my teddy bear is, I'm going to drop your car on your prize dahlias

[treadigraph]

M25 congestion gets so bad...

[fdr]

Come visit Albania! We already have your car there..

[Kiltrash]

Having got a hole in one at Wentworth on the 14th, Rory picks up his prize before flying back to Ireland.

[Kiltrash]

Gatwick car park Ltd trial a drop and fly service from the forecourt....you don't even need to get out of your car first.

[Kiltrash]

Now all we have to do is wait till the multi storey car park gets constructed

[Chu Chu]

With its unique diesel emissions testing capability no longer needed, Volkswagen* turns its skills to electric vehicle range ratings.

*Other dishonest vehicle manufacturers are available.

[Kiltrash]

This way you and three friends can all take part in a Parachute jump at the same time. It's cheaper as you don't need 4 Instructors either.

[Buster Hyman]

Okay, let’s see how Tesla’s Autopilot handles this!

[Buster Hyman]

Wow! They take their Road Rage seriously here!

[Buster Hyman]

And here we demonstrate it’s off road capability…

[Chu Chu]

Responding to cuts in road maintenance budgets, auto makers experiment with new suspension systems.

[Confusious]

Sorry that I'm 20 minutes late ma'am. Oh yes, I promise that the energy crisis is my top priority.

[Confusious]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x750/prune_8_3e0f5af175e5c97a97a9c8f2fced8cae2a78da4d_546e7ce21af 28e297db391718ec02f54a94a4a9e.jpg

[treadigraph]

Driver: Whoa, think I took that last bridge a bit fast!

Onlooker: You jammy bastard!

Pilot: Funny... why did I suddenly need more collective?

[ACW599]

Hoskins had reason to regret his decision to park his car off-street in Birkenhead

or:

Clampers in Birmingham had a very strong work ethic.

[Kiltrash]

Having taken 50 minutes to get from RAF Northolt to No 10 Downing Street, even with a 6 car Police Convoy and 13 motorbikes using Blue's and too's, Ms Truss vows never to suffer that again. Well there MUST be a benefit to being PM.

[Kiltrash]

Barnard Castle?? Na sorry mate but there is a Specsavers over there.

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Mr Johnson, your only a Backbencher now so no free flights for you any more.

[Kiltrash]

Fr24 reports the call sign as " BMWQ7ECO4X4GTI "

[Kiltrash]

Even Freddie says this is a bit tame for Top Gear, now tied up in a straitjacket with flaming rope, would spice it up a bit.

[cynicalint]

Helicopter narrowly misses the apex of the invisible 72-floor lift-operated car-park..

[Self loading bear]

It is typical Scottish:

O ye'll tak' the high road, and I'll tak' the low road,
And I'll be in Scotland a'fore ye,

[Economics101]

So the Russians are stealing Ukrainian cars now? They must have enough washing machines.

[treadigraph]

Hmmm, think I'd better pop into Kwik Fit, exhaust seems a tad noisy...

[Buster Hyman]

The promo for next seasons Drive to Survive tries to dispel the 'sensationalist' criticisms of the show...

[treadigraph]

Clarkson's last moments on Top Gear...

[Chu Chu]

"Let's seem them steal the plywood now" proved temptation to fate.

[Kiltrash]

The Cap Comp trophy makes a grand entrance to the latest winner
or
The Cap Comp Trophy? and there was me thinking it would fit on my mantlepiece,
or
The Cap Comp Trophy? no that's in the boot, this is only the protective packaging

[Kiltrash]

When I said the tyres needed more 'Air' this is not quite what I meant

[Kiltrash]

Ah there we are, I can get a phone signal at last

[ACW599]

"Hang on a minute, chaps -- it was the caravan we were supposed to be dropping, not the car Hammond came in"
"Yeah, but we thought this would be more amusing".

[Kiltrash]

The rich Asylum Seekers find a way bast the Border Patrol cutters in the Channel.

[Kiltrash]

Top Gear upgrade from the usual fare of dropping James May's Piano onto a Morris Marina...