Caption Competition Mk III

[cavuman1]

Well, Golleee, Ascend Charlie! (Labored breathing after pushups.) I appreciate your accolades. Let's see what the crew can do with this one:

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x803/did_not_stand_b4e0e4b3dab335b87f2e582fd91dc61cda260e5f.jpeg

- Ed

[MPN11]

‘Friend’ sheds emotional tears at the award ceremony

[Confusious]

Captain calls the competition a sham as nobody would have known.

[Confusious]

Excellent landing; one cabin crew still praying, one crying and one drinking to calm her nerves.

[Confusious]

Virgin Atlantic passenger joins in with the spirit of the new uniforms.

[Confusious]

A 2G landing may compress your spine and prevent you from standing up.

[Kiltrash]

Gawd 'elp us, He'll do ANYTHING to get more 'likes '

[Kiltrash]

Well in a same sex marriage someone has to wear the Brides sash...

[Kiltrash]

Upon arrival at the gate the Pilot comes back into the cabin to receive a standing ovation .... to celebrate on time, at the correct airport in a plane than can be re used....
The luggage however is another matter.

[Kiltrash]

Later it was discovered he could not stand up as his artificial legs had been put in the luggage hold..

They did not comply with cabin baggage regulations.

[NutLoose]

Woman on left, Please God get him the f**k off the plane.

[NutLoose]

Though he was later disqualified when it was found he was using the crapper when landing.

[Confusious]

He couldn't wait to get home to show off his 'adequate' trophy to his missus.

[Confusious]

First successful candidate of the reformed Red Arrows lands at RAF Waddington.

[MPN11]

The Award Winner declined the offered wine, as he was also a Vegan

[cynicalint]

Newly promoted Air Specialist 2(Trans) won the alcohol-free Prosecco for designing the new RAF uniform and being the first to get away with calling it a 'Plane'!

[NutLoose]

You do realise I am the pilot?

[NutLoose]

After the food you served me I dare not stand up in case I filled my pants.

[MPN11]

I’m hungry … I couldn’t decide whether to have the Beef or Chicken … and then it was all gone!

[Confusious]

You're not camp enough to join our airline sweetie.

[Confusious]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x803/did_not_stand_b4e0e4b3dab335b87f2e582fd91dc61cda260e5f_bd193 6023b7a928d8a5d72087f1bc4dea5bd3dc6.jpeg

[MPN11]

"Thanks. I won't shake your hand, I have Ebola."

* other nasty diseases/airlines also exist.

[NutLoose]

Sorry, this Country is no longer accepting Queens, we have a King now.

[MPN11]

The UK Chancellor’s potential successor accepts the Average award for the month.

[treadigraph]

The man who said he liked Ryan Air...

[NutLoose]

Ryanair would like to present you within trophy, that will be £27 please.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Thank you, Sir / Madam / Them, you can go to Immigration, just join the L-G-B-T-Queue."

[Chu Chu]

This is all very nice. But I said I need a slash.

[NutLoose]

I’m glad the gloves fit, the dishes are this way.

[NutLoose]

And here is your made to dress like a Pratt award..

[NutLoose]

As you can probably tell, we were expecting the pissed tart in row 6a to win.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Now, Ah've......head....the tahm of mah lahf....and Ah never felt this way before..."

[Kiltrash]

After a particularly uncomfortable flight for the passengers the Captain and First Officer decided to send the Autopilot into the cabin.....defiantly got to lighten the atmosphere.

[Kiltrash]

Peter Crouch* demonstrated his signature moves when the IFE broke down...
* other celebrities that think they can dance are available.

[Kiltrash]

After the inaugural NZ1 flight landed in Auckland, no adverse reactions were found....

[Kiltrash]

Now we have your attention, your Cabin Crew will demonstrate the safety features of this Aircraft...

[Kiltrash]

Normally a Stag Party heading for Prague take a blow up sheep with them...so the Hen Party decided to follow ....

[Kiltrash]

The past winners of I'm a Celebrity start to gather in South Africa. .. wearing their winners crown and sash...

[Kiltrash]

Having misunderstood the dress code for Strikers , ...the Flying Pickets start to gather at Euston ...

[622]

Welcome to the new friendly face of customs....

..Now bend over and 'brace brace'!!...

[Buster Hyman]

Unfortunately, he ended up losing in the Semi Finals by standing too close to the Baggage Carousel

[Chu Chu]

Disturbed by the burgeoning trend of passengers forgetting to deplane, the cabin crew decides to make an example.

[Kiltrash]

Good try Sergie, but how did you know the KGB would not let you off the aircraft ??

[Kiltrash]

Well I was not in a rush, did you not notice the busses to take us 20 yards to the terminal? ?

[Confusious]

So the blonde landed on my lap and I didn't 'stand up'. Why all the fuss?

[Confusious]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x803/did_not_stand_b4e0e4b3dab335b87f2e582fd91dc61cda260e5f_8df3b 90dbe9d3bc9f7bbb1dadb2284975936b5ae.jpeg

[Confusious]

See there are winners, look what I won on a Ryanair scratch card.

[fitliker]

This years grand prize winner of the North Croydon semi-annual glory hole princess competition enjoying her all expenses trip to the world championships at the Forth Road Bridge gentleman’s facilities , gets another free trip for staying on her knees during the landing and not standing up or chomping down . Second prize was new safety glasses .
Several military recruiters were on hand in attempts to meet their new diversity quotas , the nautical branch has offered a personalized barrel with it’s own disco ball , the aerial recruiters offered mile high experiences , but unfortunately the trench diggers made the best offer with big dark slits filled with rough fellas who are mostly inexperienced with the wicked ways of the world .

[Buster Hyman]

How the Captain thinks the crew sees him…

[MPN11]

"... and congratulations on escaping Conscription. Welcome to Turkiye, where many goats await you."

[treadigraph]

Miss October accidentally drank a bottle of Acme Instant Hair Restorer while down-route. She thanked her colleagues for their inclusivity and agreed that perhaps she should indeed have gone to Specsavers.

[Confusious]

I ain't going home with that trophy, I'd look like a right dick!

[Confusious]

Here's the bad news Jeremy, we diverted to Dubai.

[Confusious]

Thanks but adequate, bloody adequate, I've left one praying for more, one smiling from ear to ear and the other one crying in pain. You can stick your triple mile high trophy.

[cavuman1]

NOT A CAPTION!
Welcome to Hilarity Airlines Flight of Fancy. This is your Captain speaking. Please prepare to return your seat backs to their upright position and continue to submit amusing captions. Judging tomorrow 2000 hrs. UTC. Now, would one of you bring me a drink? Make it a double!

- Ed

[ShyTorque]

“Well Nutty, I don’t know where you heard the rumour that we’re recruiting flight engineers but here’s something for trying…”

[Buster Hyman]

The Long COVID side effects were a cause for concern…

[cynicalint]

Yes, yes! I know I have contaminated that entire batch of white paint by dipping my hands in. But in my defence, I was looking for the CST...and you had it all the time!

[treadigraph]

Were you truly wafted here from paradise?

Nah, Luton Airport...

[NutLoose]

Ahhh, a drama Queen, you must be our pilot.

[Kiltrash]

Kiltrash was most surprised his ' Friends ' in PPRuNe had remembered his birthday after all...

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/540x960/screenshot_2022_10_01_09_07_58_75e65633aa4b3fd0507e43b4ffe25 6aa77fa1d58.png

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ takes her last flight

[Kiltrash]

....and finally as I'm off grid most of today

The Ukrainian entrant for Eurovision 2023 prepares to get off in Glasgow.
or
The Leader of the Green Party complained (s)he had to take a plane as all the trains are on strike just in time for the conference season...
or
The leader of the Conservative party regretted doing a press conference at Sellafield earlier today

[treadigraph]

Kiltrash's birthday surprise left him a little out of kilter...

(Happy birthday!)

[Self loading bear]

In Ryanair’s latest attempt to speed up unboarding the last man sitting is being reverse motivated.

[Kiltrash]

After Korean and Iceland air had a ding on the taxiway, AAIB reported reported ALL passengers were seated and cabin secured ....photography evidence later cast doubt on the accuracy of the report.

[Kiltrash]

The Coffman Starter Trophy finally gets brought out into the light. ...the statue is not too bad either 😊

[Confusious]

Thinking: If that thing comes any closer then I'm gonna do a swift Wil Smith swipe on him.

[cavuman1]

Everyone wins an "Adequate" trophy, but the "More Than Adequate Coffman Starter Trophy" goes to Confusious with:

"Thanks but adequate, bloody adequate, I've left one praying for more, one smiling from ear to ear and the other one crying in pain. You can stick your triple mile high trophy."

Please clear and dust some space on your mantelpiece, Sir!

- Ed

[Confusious]

Thanks Ed,
Here we go peops, enjoy!
https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/448x406/dvids_973338_49ef1ebe8015041b8e0454972d19bd901729cff6.jpg

[MPN11]

Nice shooting, Soldier. That's got rid of Napoleon.

[Hydromet]

My map reading's not the best, but it seems that we have a couple of hills before we get to the bottle shop.

[Buster Hyman]

Well no wonder Joe couldn't read the Auto Cue!

[Buster Hyman]

I gotta give it to ya, that's pretty good from an A-10!

[treadigraph]

Yeah, after eight bottles of gin, I might be seeing flying saucers too...

[Buster Hyman]

I know it’s drastic, but sometimes, ya just gotta pop that pimple!

[Ascend Charlie]

"So, this recipe says 8 bottles of tequila, a pile of salt and a bigger pile of lemons..."

[treadigraph]

The Warmington-on-Sea Homeguard, hey? Good shots!

They were aiming for different target, sir!

[Chu Chu]

After misunderstanding the request to "bring some bottles for the punch," Steve wanted to crawl under a rock. Luckily, he was dressed for it.

[Chu Chu]

Joe found his colleagues' input invaluable as he invented a new toy for his son and twin girls. Afterward, no one could remember who suggested the name "Lite-Brite."

[andytug]

Excellent shooting soldier, you'll soon be able to shoot your wife and her lover with one shot - you just have to wait till she's giving him head.....

[Kiltrash]

Well done Soldier, 6 Hajibs and 2 Burkas...
NOW the suicide vests your next target ...

[Kiltrash]

Hank and Frank looked forward to when the Fair Shooting Gallery came to town.. they could live out thier dreams instead of being a boring refuse cart driver

[Kiltrash]

Nice grouping Soldier, unfortunately this is NOT your target....we can however use your virgin target again..

[Kiltrash]

Soldier....What do you make of this???
Instructor. .. ( folding ) Well i can make a flower or a broach...
cr Tower scene in Airplane

[Wensleydale]

In today's Army, there is another meaning to "having a good afternoon in the Butts".

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Oswald, with groupings like these I can confidentiality say you leave the Army as a Sharpshooter. Now i hear your going to live in Dallas.??

[Kiltrash]

Met Armed Police assessment. ... well done PC Hoskins but all 9 targets were actually innocent flowers sellers or children. You have to be a bit more selective....
or
( Any Southern State ) Excellent marksman shooting trooper. Now all you have to do is introduce a firearm near the perps hand

[Kiltrash]

Sir why do all the potential perps wear helmets and body armour can we not please just shoot to, oh I donno, just non leathal incapacitat them??
Good God no this way they can't dispute your version of events, and remember to delete the video footage.

[Chu Chu]

Whose round?

[Kiltrash]

Herr Klopp frantically searching with his assistant for a formation that works for Liverpool.

[Kiltrash]

In preparation for the State Funeral, plans are issued for where the Horse Guards will leave their droppings.

[Kiltrash]

'ere Sarge, I have found Kiltrash's secret plan for domination of the Cap Comp....

[cynicalint]

The recruiters have sent us these new targets to hit. You must avoid the white bits!

[treadigraph]

Say Captain, you're holding the map upside down...

[MPN11]

I'll just double check this, but I'm pretty sure you've won the giant Teddy Bear.

[622]

I don't get it Sarge......if the enemy are this big we don't need to shoot them...surely, can't we just stamp on them?

[treadigraph]

Well, I gotta say, Croydon is a darn good place for FIBUA practice...

[NutLoose]

Apparently these are the final designs in the RAF’s beret replacement programme as part of their on going uniform updates.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/448x406/image_7e780214f1df21720cc0d1310a7e8685ffbfcc9c.jpeg

[Buster Hyman]

Well, I think this colour would like nice in the Kitchen, but perhaps something more colourful for the hallway. What do you think?

[NutLoose]

We’ve had to redesign the targets from the Russian charging towards you, after it was found in all likelihood they would actually be running away.

[622]

Hoskins...we really need to talk!....couldn't you just use a girlie magazine like all the others?

[NutLoose]

Well I like it, but I recommend you get the wallpaper up before the missus see’s it.

[NutLoose]

You need to be more accurate, when we cut it up we are going to have problems lining up the holes with the nail in the sh*tter.

[Buster Hyman]

Hank. Stop reading the Babushka Dolls instructions, makes us look like idiots.
Whats a Babushka Doll Biff?

[NutLoose]

Well I can’t make heads nor tails of the instructions, it’s the last time I order a f**king rocket launcher from IKEA

[NutLoose]

It’s total gibberish, but we aim to scatter them around as we believe the Taliban will pull their beards out trying to decipher it.

[622]

Chuck: So, what do you think of my proposals for the mission?

Hank: Its ok, just lacking details.

Chuck: Yep...I was just using bullet points!

[MPN11]

Remind me … what’s a ‘dimpled chad’, Sergeant?

[cavuman1]

If it takes half an hour for half a mule to walk half a mile, how long does it take a drunken grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a rotten dill pickle?

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Congratulations Smithers, you have collected all the McDonald * Monopoly Stickers....this guarantees you a Heart Attack...

* Other high fat high sugar and high salt fast food menus are available

[Kiltrash]

Congratulations Smithers, you have collected all the World Cup 22 Paninni stickers for the England team..... How are you gonna break the news to Harry Kane he's not on the flight ??

( Yes i know Scotland didny qualify....im not bitter and twisted ..)

[Kiltrash]

Congratulations Kwasi, you have produced a full proof plan to get the Generals desk three foot towards Baghdad.... I'll submit it up the chain of command ( and claim the credit )
Just remember if it prooves disastrous you must have a subordinate to throw under the bus. .

[Kiltrash]

Sniper takes off his left glove and prepares to challenge the instructor to a duel....

[Kiltrash]

Err no, this does not explain just why there is a Double Base behind us leaning on the wall...

[Kiltrash]

You had better make yourself scarce, you have just shot the Admiral's pet Jellyfish.

[Kiltrash]

Congratulations Sergi ypu have just got rid of 2 Generals and 6 Majors....President Putin was running out of windows....

[MPN11]

OK, Kwasi, that’s OK. Next test is advanced Economics.

[Confusious]

Stand by your beds.
Will call it tomorrow at 23:28:31 Nay Pyi Taw local time.

[treadigraph]

On this side we have the eight most wanted male [redacted] terrorists. On the other side are the eight most wanted...

[ShyTorque]

I’ll certainly bring some booze to your party but there’s no way I’m wearing a silly hat!

[Chu Chu]

So what do you think of my proposal for a new graphic novel?

I'm sorry to say this, Hoskins, but honestly it's full of holes.

[Kiltrash]

Towards the end of World War 3 Zephram Cochrane's proposal to fold space and create a wormhole to 'discover ' faster than light travel, was initially met with scepticism

[Kiltrash]

One bullet and 16 holes, how on earth did you manage that??
Its all in the folding, I learnt that during my last tour in Japan...

[Kiltrash]

Body armour that's as light as a feather....
Yes sir, trouble is it only fits Action Man Sir..

[Kiltrash]

The AAIB later reported that even though all the holes did not in this instance line up, the accident was inevitable

[treadigraph]

Have you ever done a Rorschach test before Kiplinski?

[Kiltrash]

No Sarge I've used the scatter gun but I don't think I've hit Nay Pyi Taw.... who ever that is.

[Ascend Charlie]

"This target shows the bullet entering top left, exiting bottom right to go through another target, does a 180 and comes back through again - did you get that rifle from Lee Harvey Oswald?"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

I don't understand why these are always full of holes. They don't look a bit like road signs.

[Kiltrash]

No I'm sorry but you have scored more Dislikes than Likes from your peers, do try again Simpkins

[Kiltrash]

A2....Hit
Dang sunk my Cruiser..

[Kiltrash]

Atlanta Police Tazer Target Practice.....

[Kiltrash]

I have your scores here Simpkins. ..
12 kill shots
17 near miss
1066 totally missed the target
96 we can't even find where they went..
I suggest if you want to go and kill the bad guys you get a job as their camp cook.

[treadigraph]

Gotta say, the Beano is just not as good as it used to be...

[MPN11]

Not a Caption … I’d love to know the Match Conditions! I’ve done a fair few US Mil Competitions, and they can be very complex in terms if timings, fire positions etc.

[Confusious]

Alas, no more fellow captioners.

In strict order of the chuckleometer, here are the results:

Winner:
Excellent shooting soldier, you'll soon be able to shoot your wife and her lover with one shot - you just have to wait till she's giving him head.....

Second:
Hank. Stop reading the Babushka Dolls instructions, makes us look like idiots.
Whats a Babushka Doll Biff?

Third:
No Sarge I've used the scatter gun but I don't think I've hit Nay Pyi Taw.... who ever that is.

Congratulations to andytug, the new holder of the CST.

[Confusious]

I did PM andytug. Shall we call open house at 17:00 UTC if radio silence continues?

[NutLoose]

If no show you should hand the reigns over to Buster as second place man...


Did I really say that...............:ugh::ugh::ugh::sad::{

[andytug]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x900/fb_img_1664179324457_2302eb6951e06846b5c418aae397e924dff4e56 4.jpg
Hoping we've not had this one before :)

[andytug]

(Not a caption) Apologies for lateness, busy busy yesterday.

[cynicalint]

Simulator for budding Arab terrorists.

[ShyTorque]

“Crikey! That reverse thrust is a bit pokey!”

[MPN11]

Putin blames Ukrainian ATC.

[MPN11]

Hoskinsi vaguely managed to get the NLG in place, with some assistance. The rest of the check-ride was a FAIL.

[Confusious]

At last, a new elevator in our apartment block!

[Wensleydale]

When Kevin Bacon landed a 'plane using our home broadband.

[Confusious]

Well, if you miss this flat spot on your walk around then you're fired.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Putin decides to keep his bug out plane a bit closer to home…..

[Big Pistons Forever]

Well the boss did say we had to stay close to home base

[Big Pistons Forever]

Wow the visuals out of the new simulator cockpit are amazing. They look just like real !

[Dan Gerous]

In Russian Airforce when we crash we don't bother with trying to avoid the hospital/ school/ orphanage.

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x900/fb_img_1664179324457_2302eb6951e06846b5c418aae397e924dff4e56 4.jpg

[Confusious]

Liz Truss has proudly announced that those living on C wing are no longer in fuel poverty.

[Ascend Charlie]

When Ilyushin grafted the ultra-wide body onto the aircraft fuselage, they realised that they forgot about the nose-wheel well.

[Wensleydale]

"Is it an Ilyushin?"

"No - It's Real."

[cynicalint]

Putin tries to kill off the research bureau's new design by pushing it out of the second floor window.

[Confusious]

It's not easy finding ideas to make a few Rubles from redundant aircraft. Aeroflot's Airbnb is one of the best though. Tea and coffee on tap, and two slides for the kids to play with.

[Confusious]

Sorry Captain, when you said look up and look through the window I thought you meant......

[Kiltrash]

The Russian Air Force Club, @128 Piccadillski add a bit of home from home realism...

[Kiltrash]

Having landed at Andrews they did not need the extra long ladder to get the President to the tarmac..

[Kiltrash]

When a plastic surgeon changes career to building designer

[Confusious]

The CVR revealed that NutLoose and Buster were engaged in a heavy slanging match about the Caption Competition and not focused on their flying. Chief pilot Kiltrash will make a further statement about the CVR content.

[fitliker]

Not many councils would approve that kind of building extension, even if it was for new toilets , kitchen galley , and soundproofed for testing toys for those mile high clubs that are rumoured to exist on those long flight through Siberia .

[Big Pistons Forever]

What happened to our new Russian domestic airliner program ?

Well the fuselage design team left for Georgia, the wing design team left for Turkey, and the engine design team were smart. they left for Latvia before the border closed.

Well at least we have the cockpit design team right ?

Ahh No, they were all drafted and were last seen in Kherson……

[Big Pistons Forever]

The set for the new action adventure film, escape from Moscow

[cynicalint]

The building found that, while defecating, the nosewheel played havoc with its piles.

[Hydromet]

Top marks for passenger capacity and comfort, but it glides like a brick.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Russian designers take their cues for multi-storey aircraft from Airbus, however their aerodynamic skills still need some polishing.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Is that an IL-18?
No, that's the address.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You think this is strange? Go around to the back yard.

[Kiltrash]

Honey I shrunk the hanger

[Kiltrash]

This always happens when the inflight movie is ' Debbie Does Dallas "

[Kiltrash]

" Planning Permission? Where we're going Marty we don't need no stinking Planning Permission.

[Kiltrash]

Luton* Council regret to announce that due to cost overruns with the DART that the Airport will have to close with immediate effect. However the stranded Aircraft have been impounded and repurposed in Council Estates. ..
( * I don't think Croydon has a current airport )

[Kiltrash]

Captain .....Wtf that was not there this morning when we took off....
​​​Co Pilot .....So that's a quick build housing development

(Based on a true story...
Outside Woking was a 6 way cross roads and
one night the Council put in a roundabout.
Instant accident next morning in the rush hour and the local paper reported that's what tbe driver said to the Police )

[sealo0]

That conservatory salesmen did not tell me that he trained as a airframe draughtman.

[treadigraph]

(Based on a true story...
Outside Woking was a 6 way cross roads and
one night the Council put in a roundabout.
Instant accident next morning in the rush hour and the local paper reported that's what tbe driver said to the Police )
Not a caption... Six Crossroads Roundabout at Horsell? Hate driving round there, reckon most of the other cars I encounter are driven by people who work at McLaren... Croydon doesn't have an airport but the site has twice been used as for airshows subsequent to closing (and the late Dennis Kenyon tried to persuade me to organise another there while he was still flying - quite what he thought I knew about organising airshows is a mystery...)

[treadigraph]

The brick sh!t house at the back is just an Ilyushin...

[treadigraph]

With strategic materials in short supply due to sanctions, Russia's replacement programme for its moribund fleet of Western airliners turns to more traditional construction materials...

[treadigraph]

...and the top deck is traditionally the preserve of opposition politicians and dissidents...

[Wensleydale]

Another example of a co-pilot "bricking it".

[Kiltrash]

Correct Treaders. This happened when I was living in Addlestone with a daily commute to a secret underground establishment that if I told you about I would have to kill you 😊
...and back to your normal programme..

However as the museum had not removed all their exhibits in time Speedy-E-Builders put up the block of flats.
The site foreman told the reporters that he had orders to build them there and as you know orders are orders... .
am thinking Bruntingthorpe with this one 😊

[Kiltrash]

Knock at the door. ..
Is Mrs Kiltrash in?
Well ... she's in the stimulator. ..
Stimulator? Don't you mean simulator? ?
No, have you not seen where i put the Joystick? ?

[Kiltrash]

....and children, today we look through the...round window

[Kiltrash]

It's a lot less bovver with a hover.... see we can hide our new Vertical Take off and Landing in a urban environment. We got the idea from our Spies at Dunsfold.

[Buster Hyman]

Sergei...I realise that the Engineers have signed it off, but I have a bad feeling about these cheap Chinese parts...

[NutLoose]

No, I live around the back in a second floor flap.

[NutLoose]

Russian luxury flat for sale with indoor toilet and galley kitchen



..

[Confusious]

The world's first free range and painless sterilisation clinic opens in Liverpool.

[Wensleydale]

..and there is planning permission for a new wing.

[treadigraph]

That's so last decade Svetlana, my new flat has a Sukhoi 35 cockpit complete with an ejaculation seat...

So no man comes there twice...?

Da!

[Chu Chu]

They were flying out of windows.

[622]

"Dave, when you said you were going to build a flight simulator in the spare room, I thought....."

[Confusious]

Wizz Air pilots have denied that their approach into Skiathos was below profile.

[Chu Chu]

Prototype development was well advanced before anyone remembered the Comet disaster.

[Buster Hyman]

Well, I said, when you find my bags, you can have your cockpit back...and here we are!

[cavuman1]

Just as the circus elephant jumped off of the platform, the aircraft jumped on!

- Ed

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x900/image_ef3f6aeb99d335e123b974235cb68949b16e9106.png

[NutLoose]

Da, we thought zer vest had cottoned on to zer falling from zer second floor vindow "accidents", so now ve have zem accidentally fall from zer aircraft door or involved in an aircraft accident..
Zer Colonel has even suggested shooting zem vile zey stand in zer doorvay, and then claiming zer vest shot them down.

[fitliker]

If you bend over and look out the window you can see your house from here
I cannot see my HOOOWSEEEE

[MPN11]

The window cleaners demanded danger payments.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Oh you said you wanted “boarding stairs” What I heard was that you wanted a “building there” Sorry

[Kiltrash]

Ivan took some ' work' home with him from the factory, 66 model, and descided to hide it in plane sight from the Police.

[Chu Chu]

The savings from buying elevator controls on Craig’s list were swallowed by the installation and operation costs.

[Self loading bear]

Delays in B737-MAX-10 show to be caused by problems during static testing of the extended landing gear. Boeing f.cked up to new level.

[Kiltrash]

During Covid lockdown the State TV Weather presenter asked for suitable radar to be installed at home for their bulletin

[Kiltrash]

What happened after the cameras stopped rolling when Del Boy obtained a Statelite dish.

[India Four Two]

Vladimir, when you said you were building a simulator in our spare room, I thought you were talking about a computer and a couple of screens!

[MPN11]

In the Russian tradition, the building was in the same sh*t state as the aircraft.

[ACW599]

"Well, Hoskinski, how do you feel that went?"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Russian luxury flat for sale with indoor toilet.and galley kitchen
And commanding views!

[cynicalint]

The pilot was brought back to earth during his post-flight debrief.

[Buster Hyman]

Has anyone mentioned your flying buttresses yet?

[treadigraph]

I told you that leaving the landing lights on was not a good idea...

[treadigraph]

Still think that building the terminal at the end of the runway was smart?

[Kiltrash]

Comrade Treadigraphski after this started a thread in PPRuNe, Spectators Balcony sub forum, well will do when he locates his computer
or
Look at this Sergi, FR24 gets the altitude and location wrong again.

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to free up parking space at congested airports, the authorities look to the new ' Auto Stack ' system in New York.

[622]

Right Sir, bit confusing...just popped over to Engineering to snag the auto breaking as not working.......and Chiefy said "What Auto breaking?"

[Kiltrash]

The Airport Fire Authorities find a way to have 24/7 training in all weathers on Cabin Evacuation Protocols

[622]

Meanwhile at the Moscow furniture factory:

"For Gods sake .....when I said get a new plane in here, I meant the woodworking kind"

[Kiltrash]

Honey, I know you said you wanted a generator for this Winters power cuts, I was however just expecting a 5hp Honda one, not 4 15000hp Gas Turbines....Where did you get them??
Just over there, John Lennon Airport...

[Kiltrash]

After the authorities change the aircraft flight paths out of Heathrow without proper consultation the local residents of Windsor proudly display their ' Kills ' on the outside of their houses...

[Kiltrash]

When the estate agent said the property had Plane trees in close proximity it's was not what I expected

[Confusious]

Since his recent F*** up Captain Kwarteng has refused to leave the flight deck and is still reading the MEL.

[treadigraph]

So... is this what's meant by hours building?

[Chu Chu]

The new fuse didn’t fit very well, but it’s got the power back on.

[Confusious]

I know that you're English ain't that good Sergi, but which part of 'whoop whopp pull up' confused you?

[Chu Chu]

There it is — the world’s largest weather vane. Now we pray for a west wind when Guinness comes to audit.

[Confusious]

Yes Captain, I've recorded the on 'blocks' time.

[Confusious]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x900/image_ef3f6aeb99d335e123b974235cb68949b16e9106_886ebdfe12edd 0eb3b83a4ae243eaaaaf9eac774.png

[622]

You think our marketing piece is over the top.....well, a Supertanker leasing company has just rented the floor above!

[Confusious]

Last night I called for a taxi to the airport and woke up this morning to this monstrosity.

[NutLoose]

Over engineered? it's the Russian way, we build our aircraft like the proverbial brick sh*thouses.

[NutLoose]

Having had a sticking window, Shamus told Paddy he would nip and get a plane to take a bit off the top.

[NutLoose]

Nose tyres looks ok, but I think the mains are both flats.


..

[NutLoose]

Insulation?.... Bugger, I thought you said you wanted "Cavity Wall Ilyushin"

[NutLoose]

Skip, Mrs Borrowitski in 12a says she appreciates our efforts to deter missile attacks on the flats, but on that last false warning, we dumped Chaff and Flares all over her living room carpet.

[NutLoose]

No, I said one day i'll own a little Dacha, not a bloody little Dak

[NutLoose]

Sergie? no he's not in, he told me to tell you he has flown the Country...

[Confusious]

Oi Olga, have you been at it again with that Mig welder?

[Kiltrash]

Yes, but as a Ariel we can now get Strictly with no interference

[treadigraph]

Bit late on the cancel reverse pitch, Hoskinsky....

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins, I said I wanted to add a deck, not a flight deck.

[Confusious]

Shouts from flat below: Problems with your droop flaps again this evening Olga?

[Wensleydale]

Used the wrong angle of Banksy?

[treadigraph]

Putin's secret nuclear bunker was as rubbish as the rest of his defence network...

[treadigraph]

David Copperfield's latest Ilyushin was partially successful...

[Chu Chu]

With reduced business travel, the airline’s future was uncertain. But economy class loomed large.

[Chu Chu]

I don’t know why we even bother with the Halloween window decoration contest anymore. 201 wins every year.