Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Fed up with the tyre burning boy racers on the A11 by- pass the council seek help to show them all up from Mildenhall

[treadigraph]

OK, which one of you wise guys picked up a speeding ticket from the Cambridgeshire Constabulary?

[Kiltrash]

Later Cambridgeshire Constabulary uploaded to Tik Tok a print off the Speed Gun showing M2.05
We belive the aircraft call sign was Aspen 30

[Kiltrash]

Duxford were so glad that the USAF came through on their promise of a Spy Plane for their museum. However due to an administrative c@ck up 2 were sent by mistake ...
We'll keep it said the director when returns were
"Buyer pays the Return Postage "

[MPN11]

“Hey, guys, better fit some chocks. I hear there’s a breeze expected.”

[cynicalint]

You can all stand there until the person who bent the port undercarriage owns up!

[Kiltrash]

With Skid Marks like these were gonna need new underwear

[Chu Chu]

Blackbird pilots need space.

[Self loading bear]

Blackbird pilots need space.

For their ego?

[Self loading bear]

Being a bid late on the start the Stormchasers are determined to catch up with Eunice.

[NutLoose]

Hang on, weren’t we inside the new A400 hangar last night? Where has it gone?

[fitliker]

The third plane departed , leaving behind a puzzled telly tubby . Seems the other plane was flown by a pilot used to single pilot operation in the other sleds. He was known to talk to himself but wisely never listened :)

[treadigraph]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/680x448/image_87e5d89bbe3ee9ea0f6eeaa2d6765b2de7b13b3c.jpeg

[treadigraph]

Hmmm, bugger all around us... could be Kansas. There's a ranch hand over there, try to look like a local and don't let on we're lost.

[visibility3miles]

The US Space Force rejects camouflage uniforms, decides to go for the gold.

[Kiltrash]

The Gimli Glider did not expect this on the runway

[Kiltrash]

At Area 51, ( or Mackrihanish )
​​​​​Well this should send the ET Conspiracy Theorists into meltdown

[Kiltrash]

The Doctor later summised the Blackbird had been startled and suggested incontinence pants....

[Beamr]

HSE strikes again.
Protective helmet, hivis suit, oxygen mask, I'll find my own runway out.

[ORAC]

The Beale base commander’s decision to have an “Elephant Walk” did not turn out to be quite the success he expected.

[ORAC]

The crews waited apprehensively as they awaited the results of President Johnson’s “Spot the Difference” quiz between the SR-71 and RS-71…..

[Buster Hyman]

Uber takes the gloves off!

[treadigraph]

I hear banjos, run away!

[Kiltrash]

Sure I gave you the key for safe keeping, have you tried ALL the zips??

[Kiltrash]

The crew waited nervously for Sunset however they were ready to go at a moments notice
...
Hoskins it's actually Sunrise you clot...

[Kiltrash]

As the Aircraft flew into retirement the Crews waited to find their next assignments....
Blast Furnace operatives...
Well they are used to being close to 600 degree heat 😊

[Kiltrash]

Exhaustive search of 't'interweb FINALLY reveals a photo shoot NOT featuring the British Prime Minister .... ( or perhaps it does )
or
Well one of us is in the wrong place? Wrong time ...

[NutLoose]

The skid marks? We’ll have you tried to get all this kit off in a rush……. Ohhhh ermmmm you mean the ones on the apron

[Chu Chu]

I swear, a whole flock of them fell out of the sky. All the rest flew away.

[Chu Chu]

22 more and we'd have a pie.

[ORAC]

Elon Musk pulls another surprise when he reveals the first prototypes for his Martian Air Force to be carried on the first Starship to Mars…

[Wensleydale]

"We've been waiting for this moment to arrive!"

[Self loading bear]

FedEx acquires 2 examples for S2E conversion (Spy to Expess)
To get back in the league.

(other brands can be inserted to personal choice)

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/680x448/image_87e5d89bbe3ee9ea0f6eeaa2d6765b2de7b13b3c.jpeg

[fitliker]

How fast ? So fast it ripped a hole in the time space continuum and arrived back before it departed , hence the paradox of the extra crew

[Kiltrash]

Us? Pilots?? well no actually we're just the Stand in's
or
No, but I don't tell that to the girls i'm pulling at the club when I show them this photo when they ask what I do??

​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

The camera on this is so good, when I'm over flying Mocow I can see what Janes doing in her bathroom back home in Kansas

[Kiltrash]

What Lewis was really doing during the Formula1 Winter break. Like to see Max beat me now..

[Kiltrash]

Mercedes inovativeive design gets through the Scrutineers. Well it's all In the rules said Massi as he walked off with a large unmarked brown envelope ..

[Dan Gerous]

And the judges have now come to a decision in the Miss Space Corps Pageant,
3rd is
or
After the extended 36 hour flight the Honey Cart operatives take no risks
2nd is
NASA launch the new baste in a bag flying suit.

And in 1st place, after briefly losing his grip on the Capcom Trophy, it's Buster with
Uber takes the gloves off!

Uber say they'll drop the trophy off, and want you to go out into the garden so they can do a promotional photo.

[Buster Hyman]

Awesome! Thanks Dan.

Lets give someone a go that hasn't had one in a while, alternatively, if you've got a pic that's burning in your 'pocket', have at it. Don't be shy.

Nothing in 24hours, then over to Nutty eh? :ok:

[MPN11]

I have nothing to offer but …

… anyway, going ro be far too busy next week to pay much attention.

[Kiltrash]

Well done Buster, however i'll pass on the offer to post a piccy till I win fair and square...

[Ascend Charlie]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1232x1316/screen_shot_2022_01_30_at_12_04_44_pm_6ab38857ec49284e8363df b1d83b44c977837555.png
Buster can be the judge.

[NutLoose]

It’s a lot less bovver than a hovver…

[NutLoose]

When you said you were going to rebuild me as a cyborg, truth be told I was expecting bloody legs..

[NutLoose]

Nope I can’t find the thingamebob in the toolkit, are you sure you packed it?

[NutLoose]

Nope I can’t find the Haynes manual in here either…

[NutLoose]

This damned engine is all torque and no go.

[NutLoose]

Next time we will order an egg….

[Kiltrash]

Messers Harley and Davidson find a spare engine and build a motor cycle round it

[Kiltrash]

February issue of the garage wall Pirelli calender in the post enlightened times

[Kiltrash]

Normally a caption of " Fit Spanner Monkey " has a female form, but in Lyneham anything goes

[Kiltrash]

What's the Torque on me nuts??

[Hydromet]

Whaddaya mean, ya can't find the crank handle?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Ah, here's the problem There's a tiny bit of dirt in the carby on this one too. Wonder how that keeps happening?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

This way we only have to change half the spark plugs....think of the money we'll save!

[treadigraph]

Which bayer-stud 'as liberated me half inch spanner?

[Hydromet]

Dunno why Fred needs a toolbox that big, the only tool he uses is a 1" shifter.

[NutLoose]

Hey, Joe, i've just found the work order in my toolbox, it says replace No3 engine...

[NutLoose]

It's a Liberator aint it? well, were Liberating it..

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1232x1316/screen_shot_2022_01_30_at_12_04_44_pm_6ab38857ec49284e8363df b1d83b44c977837555.png

[Kiltrash]

Could be a worse assignment, could be Base Camp Antarctic

[Kiltrash]

Transformer the movie the budget ran out half way through

[Kiltrash]

Hank really got into his tasks, pity he's only the Navigator. ..

[Kiltrash]

BLT..Coronation Chicken...Tuna...Ham and Eggs...
Dammit who had the Vegetarian Option this time

[Kiltrash]

The wrist bones connected to the Ankle bone....no no no thats not right....Lefty Loosy righty tighty. ..got it

[622]

Next time the pilot reports "number 1 Engine missing" ..... get a few more details from him will you!

[Chu Chu]

Quit looking in that toolbox! You're supposed to tell me when the crankshaft is level.

[NutLoose]

It's OK fitting electric motors, but the Lithium batteries are going to fill the bomb bay,

[622]

Its OK Hoskins, if you can't find the left handed screwdriver in the toolbox nip to the stores and ask them ....and whilst you're there pick me up a long weight.....

[NutLoose]

No, we can't use that ruler, its calibration is out of date.

[NutLoose]

Get my drift?..... oohh and a fecking great hammer, that should shift it.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So the pilot is reporting that when in a dive the engine cuts out? I'm testing it now and I think he's right.

[cynicalint]

I told you not to loosen that bolt as it was holding the engine on, but did you listen?

[Chu Chu]

No wasp here either. I don't think we're ever going to find it.

[622]

"A manual showing anybody how to do this....pah, that will never catch on Pvt Haynes!"

[NutLoose]

Remember, if you can't fix it, firke it, so no other firker can fix it...

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

"Hey Joe, I knew I was right, I found it here in the box... It clearly says "Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty" . From down here I see your are twisting it the wrong way you idiot. "

[cavuman1]

If it cannot be fixed with a hammer, it's an electrical problem.

- Ed

[fitliker]

The bigger the tool box , the bigger the tool using them

Someone forgot to pack the pixie dust the whitworth spanners and the PFM

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins, when I told you to see to it that the engine was grounded . . .

[fitliker]

Replacing the silica gel packs with dilithium crystals should get the warp drive test bed aircraft at Tinian island ready for the big push .

No need for the torque wrench , when my tennis elbow pops that is as tight as it gets

[Kiltrash]

Are you sure it's Newton Meters, not foot lbs??
Oh **** it stripped the threads... again...
Tick it as serviceable it's the 26 mission and no one has EVER returned from 26 so just blame the ack ack over the target. ..

[Kiltrash]

Funilly enough taking the engineer on the mission suddenly improved reliability

[Kiltrash]

Where Scotty's Great, Great, Great Grandad learnt his trade...

[Kiltrash]

Are you sure you don't need this, 2 " long and 8mm diameter??
Ah well pop it back into my old tool box, did I tell you I have willed it to my son and used some old curtains to line it...

[treadigraph]

Mike Patey, the early years. Back to work!

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Don't need a torque wrench. Tigten it till it cracks then wind it back a 1/4 turn.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1232x1316/image_2ea4eb0396b884a13bdc8c97d8f9e88b2f337731.png

[NutLoose]

I don’t know why they call them Snap On, most stuff I use them on Snaps Off.

[Chu Chu]

If it's not one thing with these newfangled engines, it's three others. Think how much simpler our lives would be if they'd just stuck with bias plies.

[Kiltrash]

( One of ) The problem with Australia is that water goes down the plughole the wrong way, so round here it's Leftly Tightly Rightly Loosly

[Kiltrash]

It goes Suck Squeeze Bang, Suck Squeeze Bang, Suck Squeeze Bang.....will you hurry up and fit the damm Manifold..

[Kiltrash]

Mr Whittle said he had a idea, do away with all these pipes and cables, In collaboration with Mr Coffman

[Hydromet]

Its OK Hoskins, if you can't find the left handed screwdriver in the toolbox nip to the stores and ask them ....and whilst you're there pick me up a long weight.....
..and a can of airscrew pitch.

[cavuman1]

Mechanic #1 looks for a D-ring while Mechanic #2 prepares the chain attachment point for the World's Fanciest Boat Anchor.

- Ed

[Economics101]

Guy on ground to the bare-chested one: "Sorry Cpl Putin, I can't find that screwdriver: the guys at Antonov must have forgotten to pack it"

[Wensleydale]

Not what I wanted when I asked for a tour on Rotary!

[Ascend Charlie]

..and Michael Caine said..."I only wanted......"

[Buster Hyman]

Buster can be the judge.
All good, thanks AC! Happy for you to call it.:ok:

...

Amelia says she doesn't care about the problem, just get it back on the Plane! She's in a hurry.

[ShyTorque]

“When I said crack the nuts off behind that engine, that’s NOT what I meant!”

[NutLoose]

They're telling me we need to generate it, pull it out of the museum and despatch it to Poland to bolster the front line.

[Kiltrash]

Would it not have been easier to just leave the engine on the wing to change A spark plug?
Don't be daft, what to you this this is? A Lightning ??

[Kiltrash]

No i think this is not your tool box all there are is assorted Vibrators
Big Brenda have you lost something? ?

[Kiltrash]

Tool box man searches frantically for his tin of Spinach before he battles wrench man to best of three arm wrestling. Looser to judge the depots Caption Competition

[Kiltrash]

What's being shown tonight in the camp cinema?Flight of the Phoenix, obviously...

[Self loading bear]

This engine has been running dry.
How do you know?
It says silica gel on this box.

[Self loading bear]

US still tinkering on war supplies to be send to Ukraine

[Ascend Charlie]

An honorable mention to Nutty for this:
When you said you were going to rebuild me as a cyborg, truth be told I was expecting bloody legs..

but Chu Chu takes it with a nifty play on words:
No wasp here either. I don't think we're ever going to find it.

The trophy will be on its way as soon as these drongos get the engine back on.

[Chu Chu]

Thank you AC! There were a lot of very funny entries, and I wasn't expecting to win.

Let's try this one -- it feels timely somehow. (Of course, that could be because it's the last one left in my stash . . .)
https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/2000x1290/1db54b7c_e704_4259_b12d_dfbb4c69177f_1914_ap_world_war_one_c entenary_timeline_4_023968b88634abd39ef0e01f11098dad3b35d6ea .jpg

[Hydromet]

Ferdie, that hat's worth killing for!

[Ascend Charlie]

"I hope the butler is putting a bottle of hooch in the back seat, I could use a quick shot..."

[Kiltrash]

Archie, don't worry your completely safe, look at all the Bodyguards we got for you

[Wensleydale]

Headline in the SUN:

"Archduke Ferdinand Found Alive. World War One a Mistake!"

[fitliker]

Well I guess we all know now , what happens when you take a sword to a gunfight .

[Wensleydale]

"I wouldn't wear that hat, Dear. Its nearly the 12th and young Philip has come without his glasses."

[Kiltrash]

Welcome to Dallas President and Mrs Kennedy.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Sir, we have apprehended the Jackal Mr Forsyth,

[Kiltrash]

Smile, Salute, Walk, repeat

[treadigraph]

Who? Franz Ferdinand? Oooh, I love their music!

[Dan Gerous]

You'll never get in the car wearing that dress love.

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/2000x1290/1db54b7c_e704_4259_b12d_dfbb4c69177f_1914_ap_world_war_one_c entenary_timeline_4_023968b88634abd39ef0e01f11098dad3b35d6ea .jpg

[Ascend Charlie]

Duke: "I need to get rid of this hat and have affairs!"
Wife: "WHAT?"
Duke: A fez, dear a FEZ."

[andytug]

"Hope this meeting's over quick dear. I need more diplomatic meetings like I need a hole in the head...."

[Kiltrash]

A Rolls Royce with Downdraft Carburettor? Whatever will they think of next

[Kiltrash]

They all agreed the Emperor looked wonderfull and the new clothes suited him well...
( Should have gone to Specsavers )

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Duke thought bubble...
Hope the old clot remembers we are to be driving through the square at 11 ... Be rid of him soon ... Knew I should not have worn white

[ShyTorque]

Imbeciles! I said I wanted the airbag on the front!

[MPN11]

In a democratic country, saluting VIPs was optional.

[MPN11]

"Don't forget to tip the driver, dear, otherwise we may end up on the wrong road."

[NutLoose]

Ohh it's a bit chilly dear...
Well you should have put your vest on!.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1995x1290/1db54b7c_e704_4259_b12d_dfbb4c69177f_1914_ap_world_war_one_c entenary_timeline_4_023968b88634abd39ef0e01f11098dad3b35d6ea _e7b5fc9c02376faf8f854abaaad83aea9d8b664a.jpg

[NutLoose]

Damn, it's a Gräf & Stift open-topped touring car, I wouldn't be seen dead in one of those...

[NutLoose]

He says he knows a shortcut through some Parisian underpass.

[NutLoose]

Damn, I love these Uber's

[NutLoose]

Damn, I think my hat has just laid an egg.

[NutLoose]

It's nice for them all to see us off, but I think that Spanish bullfighter chap has let himself go a bit.

[622]

Judging the Tommy Cooper look alike competition was always a highlight of their visit.

[ORAC]

At last, thought Grand Duke Ferdinand, I can relax and enjoy the car journey,….

[cavuman1]

The best little whorehouse in Sarajevo was famous for its curb service.

- Ed

[NutLoose]

No waving schoolgirls anywhere, don't they know there is a Duke in town?

[NutLoose]

You can't beat an open topped car, I've recommended one to the Kennedy's you know..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1995x1290/1db54b7c_e704_4259_b12d_dfbb4c69177f_1914_ap_world_war_one_c entenary_timeline_4_023968b88634abd39ef0e01f11098dad3b35d6ea _fca478de22c7d70b00d276737be2aa251da5e854.jpg

[NutLoose]

The sooner we're shot of this place the better.

[ORAC]

Yes my dear, it’s the latest safety feature - I believe it’s called an airbag….

[cynicalint]

I do wish, madam, that you would desist from bringing that side drum with you everywhere!

[Kiltrash]

Cut cried the photographer, move back and we'll try again. The picture is being gratuitously re posted for some reason

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry dear The soldiers are all equipped with blank cartridges, don't want any mistak. ..argh
or
We are on the set of Rust, what could possibly go wrong, Alex??

[Kiltrash]

Too late, Mr and Mrs Hamilton find their driver is Max...

[Kiltrash]

At the London Palladium the Black and White Minstrel show welcomes the Royal Party

[Dan Gerous]

Let's get the hell out of here. All these scratches are making me itch!

[Kiltrash]

Second and fifth left re enact the way Clarkson as a chauffeur averted his gaze as a lady got into the car.
( can't be bothered looking up the reference but it was the Top Gear or Grand Tour when they were Wedding Car drivers ..)

[Kiltrash]

Driver ... FFS hurry up, I got a Funeral to go to...
Oh it's yours....

[Kiltrash]

After a particularly boozy " Work Meeting " the PM is escorted out No 10 ...move along now, nothing to see here ....

[NutLoose]

Jeez look at them all, you’d think they were attending a funeral.

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry my dear, Hammond says he knows the road like the back of his hand.

[NutLoose]

I wish we had more time in the bar, never mind I suppose I could have a couple of slugs in the car.

[NutLoose]

My you do have a chesty cough my dear, don’t worry we’ll get something for the coughing later.

[DogTailRed2]

Sideshow Bob gets married at Tommy Cooper convention.

[Kiltrash]

Security forces search everywhere for a suspected Suicide Bomber

[Kiltrash]

Like my new hat m'dear??
No you look stupid, take it off...
Can't, till the Sparrows fledge
or
Can't it's a gift from that nice Mr Moussolini
or
Can't got the idea from President Trump / PM Johnson

[Kiltrash]

The problem started when they went through the drive through car wash and they all drowned, This was hushed.up.....

[Chu Chu]

Things seem to have slowed down -- on this thread at least -- so I will consider responses submitted before 0100, Belgrade time.

[Kiltrash]

What, their gonna hold the winter Olympics here. Ah well at least my countries Skiiers will have a SHOT at Gold

[Kiltrash]

Think we have a chance to bid for the Russian Grand Prix, at least we have the Stig to drive for us

[Kiltrash]

Well I don't think ANY despot would want to start a War so we are quite safe on our World Tour

[Dan Gerous]

Tell you what love, I'm not to sure about going to Kiev after this.

[MPN11]

Darlink, I hear there may be a Black Sea villa available … what you think?

[Kiltrash]

Dammit, not going to be back at the hotel in time for the Murder Who Dunit If only that nice Mr Baird could invent recording equipment to go with his Television

[Chu Chu]

Lots of great entries, as always.

I'll start off with the eagle eye award, which goes to Cynicalint for:I do wish, madam, that you would desist from bringing that side drum with you everywhere!
Next, for foreshadowing not only Princip, but also many hat observations and many puns on related lines, honorable mention goes to Hydromet for:Ferdie, that hat's worth killing for!
Tied for third place are MPN11 and Nutloose, with:Don't forget to tip the driver, dear, otherwise we may end up on the wrong road; andHe says he knows a shortcut through some Parisian underpass.
And tied for second are entries from Kiltrash and Wensleydale with their comments on the present day:Well I don't think ANY despot would want to start a War so we are quite safe on our World Tour; andHeadline in the SUN: "Archduke Ferdinand Found Alive. World War One a Mistake!"
Finally, first place goes to Kiltrash, with an entry that manages in one stream of consciousness to confirm both the utter futility of the conflict and the conventional Habsburg view of the marriage:Mrs Duke thought bubble...Hope the old clot remembers we are to be driving through the square at 11 ... Be rid of him soon ... Knew I should not have worn white
CapCom trophy is on its way.

PS: Sorry for the line spacing --what I saw was not what I got. I blame Tsar Nicholas.

[Kiltrash]

Many thanks Chu Chu, will post a new one for the weekend shortly, got something FAR more important to do just now.
" Comming up now darling please done start with out me....no really "
. I'm making breakfast 😁 what did you think ??

[Kiltrash]

Hi all Iwas gonna put up the Putin and Macron big table for the comic effect but given recent events I don't think it's in the best possible taste... so have a go at this one please...
Stay safe guys and gals, esp if in Uniform

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x440/agefreco_l410_9s_gfa_kuvamu_220214_1_a90964253d37c169dd2cd30 6abd541ca645a7c5d.jpg

No one was hurt

[Buster Hyman]

Okay, I found his watch! Can we put the fire out now?

[Buster Hyman]

Next time, the Olympic Torch goes by ship!

[NutLoose]

Jeez, that heaters vicious..

[622]

Security camera shows the arsonist running away...

...and other news, the Airport fire service deny they are bored.....

[622]

Its no good Sir...she says she is not leaving her seat until she has seen the end of the movie!

[Wensleydale]

"A bit hot on the approach, Hoskins"!

[Hydromet]

I knew the First Officer and the Hostie had the hots for each other, but...

[MPN11]

"Gawd, that was one hot Curry!"

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Fireman shouting - "False alarm chief, it's not hot brakes"

[treadigraph]

Ok, tell catering no more banana flambés for pudding - just prepare fruit cocktails like everybody else...

[treadigraph]

That's the last time we take Arthur Brown on tour..

[Buster Hyman]

Airbus denies that paint was the issue....

[Ascend Charlie]

Joyriding teenagers take their antics one step further, but still insist on torching it afterwards.

[Chu Chu]

0:26:17.42 -- excellent! If we make those tweaks we were talking about, we're sure to meet our initial goal of 30 minutes on the next hydrogen tank test.

[DogTailRed2]

"Thank you for flying Beelzebub airlines"

[ORAC]

The subsequent board of inquiry criticised the preflight checklist for requiring an “ignition test” before engine start without detailed instructions.

[Chu Chu]

Don't be too hard on Hoskins -- he got the "kick the tires" part right.

[NutLoose]

Smoking or none smoking?

[treadigraph]

So, lithium batteries powering our ElectroLet is a no no then...

[Chu Chu]

Luckily, Glasgow gives until 2040 to phase out internal combustion.

[cavuman1]

ACME Air is proud to announce its new two-class seating arrangement: Smoking and Burnt Beyond Recognition.

- Ed

[MPN11]

ACME introduce rapid disembarkation for all passengers and crew.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x440/agefreco_l410_9s_gfa_kuvamu_220214_1_a90964253d37c169dd2cd30 6abd541ca645a7c5d.jpg

[kration]

Luckily, Glasgow gives until 2040 to phase out internal combustion.

It can't be Glasgow, the wheels are still on.

[fitliker]

The mile high tour pilot didn’t get the latest safety advisory to keep the lubricants away from the oxygen supply

[fitliker]

Never turn the anti severe icing kit on unless you are in severe icing as it can get really hot , really quick .RFN

[treadigraph]

When their first aircraft met with an unfortunate end, Guy Fawkes Airways (GFA) considered a different name...

[SLXOwft]

Now I know when George Foreman got the idea for his grill...

[Dan Gerous]

That's not what I meant by "Fire Bomber".

[Chu Chu]

When Hoskins said he wanted a few minutes alone with an old flame, I didn't realize he meant Prometheus.

[NutLoose]

Shamus Airlines announce they are now serving flame grilled burgers on flights.

[fitliker]

No pigs or hogs were harmed in this pig roast

[ORAC]

“All I said was “burner, burner, go”, said the ex Military pilot when questioned…..

[Ascend Charlie]

"Hey! Will you guys turn on the f****g tap??!!"

[NutLoose]

Now we’re cooking…

[NutLoose]

Blimey that was a hot start.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Let's motto of "two turnin' and everything burnin"" strangely did not result in an uptick of sales.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The airport operator sends a not too subtle message to other tenants that when they say "Pay your landing fees, we mean business!", they do in fact, mean business.

[Chu Chu]

Wait! Wait! Stop! It was GFB that we put the insurance on.

[ORAC]

Early trials of hydrogen as a fuel demonstrated that fuel tank sealing needed to be addressed.

[MPN11]

Captain: "Phew, glad I wasn't scheduled for that Il-76 trip this morning."

[treadigraph]

When I told him he was flying Ant and Dec to Blackpool, he spontaneously combusted...

[ORAC]

That’s not what I meant when I said I wanted a light twin….

[Wensleydale]

On the insurance form, the owner claimed that it had gone down with the Atlantic Conveyer

[Dan Gerous]

Welcome to Kyiv, cocktail anyone?

[cynicalint]

I could swear the smoke alarm was working when I last checked!

[NutLoose]

Naaa stick a bigger fuse in it, it’ll be alright..

[treadigraph]

Air Taxi for Mr Putin...

[Buster Hyman]

Despite giving it a go, Ghost Rider decides to stick to Motorbikes.

[Chu Chu]

Thought bubble from fire helmet: The combustion triangle must be around here somewhere.

[Kiltrash]

( Not a caption ) Last orders please
call this one late Sunday UK time tonight

[MPN11]

“Sorry, wrong airport, wrong country, wrong time. Do you take Dollars, Euros or Roubles?”

[Self loading bear]

Consider yourselves lucky,
it did not go all down in flames.

[Chu Chu]

Luckily, the cargo's Swedish aid to Ukraine. How dangerous could it be?

[fitliker]

What happens when your student has a helmet fire and you Let it get out of control

no puns were hurt in the making of this comment

[NutLoose]

I think you’re supposed to fire the distress flare off from outside the aircraft Hoskins

[Buster Hyman]

Captain. Instruments indicating an engine fire!
Oh, you think???

[Kiltrash]

The winner of this latest offering is AC with...

Joyriding teenagers take their antics one step further, but still insist on torching it afterwards.

Several others jointly excellent in the runner up spot but I particularly liked AC with
"Hey! Will you guys turn on the f****g tap??!!"

Over to you Ascend

I would have had

That was lucky the Coffman Starter Trophy missed the flight after all

[Ascend Charlie]

Thanks Kilty, try this one:
https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1270x684/screen_shot_2022_02_24_at_1_31_05_pm_94c08b5c68a483ff6b3536d e43d945c7c54e52c1.png

[Hydromet]

"Hoskins, I'm pretty sure this isn't what they meant when they said they wanted a water bomber to fight the bushfires."

[Beamr]

The pilot in the background, looking to distance and thinking "well, I've always wanted to be a painter."

[Kiltrash]

Well on the tin it said ' Fast Set Concrete ' my ass...

[andytug]

"A little heavy on the braking there, Hoskins?"

[Hydromet]

When the base water ski club's boat went u/s, Hoskins used his initiative...yet again.

[Wensleydale]

"Is it a Mirage"?

"No - its definitely there".

[treadigraph]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1270x684/screen_shot_2022_02_24_at_1_31_05_pm_94c08b5c68a483ff6b3536d e43d945c7c54e52c1.png

For once, Hoskins, your round out was perfect. Unfortunately...

[treadigraph]

"...and so I only noticed that the undercart was still retracted when it took afterburner to taxi..."

[622]

On the plus side Sir, it will save us a fortune in buying aircrew access steps

[622]

Fireman "Ere Sir....you've left your cannopy open a bit"
Pilot "If you knew what I had left in there after that landing....you would do the same"

[Dan Gerous]

Well someone is in for a probing after this.

[Kiltrash]

Where's Lofty??
Under the Aircraft checking the gear pins...
We don't use gear pins..
Call me Shorty..

[Kiltrash]

Well that's one way to dry out the Base Cricket Pitch...

[Kiltrash]

Pilot Misses as he walked off....it's still moving faster thay that other great design, the Jaguar....

[Ascend Charlie]

(Not a caption)
Some people seem to think it is in water - it is on a wet runway at Tullamarine in Melbourne.

The pilot didn't actually realise he had left the gear up until he hopped out of the cockpit and found the ground closer than expected. He then looked back in the cockpit to see the gear handle up. It was then an exercise to prevent the firies from filling the cockpit with foam, especially when he had to grab the firies' hose which was being fed through the ejection face blind handles to hold it still...

[Buster Hyman]

Guy in Background: "....Hello? Wing Commander? Hoskins here...ummm, the good new is, I'm okay...ummm..."

[Buster Hyman]

Thank God, I had drop tanks! Could you imagine what could've gone wrong wi....errr...never mind

[Buster Hyman]

"Admiral. This new French Sub we've got... it won't submerge!"

[NutLoose]

Australia determind to win the Olympic Bobsleigh championship trail their new toboggan at a secret location.

[NutLoose]

Look at the skidmarks, the worst one being the pilots..