Caption Competition Mk III

[Confusious]

"I want this one as today's guest ale."

[NutLoose]

*****Not a caption**** Hey Nutty, why did you change the picture?

it wasn't showing my end so I thought there was a problem with it, sorry about that.

[Confusious]

Breaking news: Nutty makes a public apology after finding a problem with his end.

[Buster Hyman]

Yes Dear Leader, as you insisted, the trigger is this third button on your shirt.

[MPN11]

It's an informal tour. Medals are not worn.

[Self loading bear]

Each blank comes with two smoke canisters to give the idea it does work.

[Kiltrash]

His doctors got the wrong end of the stick when the Great Leader asked for a bigger Red Knob than Trump
..

[Kiltrash]

...and as a unexpected bonus when you get home at night you can read the decadent Western, ahem, men's magazines without putting on the lights..

[Kiltrash]

What's that slow ticking noise?..
it's the Geiger Counter GL...
Your fired..it should be going ..click.click.click.click

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You heard about the big red button on my desk and what it's for? Well these have all got one...so no crowding in at the back there!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

I tell you Kim Ho, you even think of starting any of that drum solo crap in here, I swear to God I'll drop one of these things with you strapped to it.

[sealo0]

And this one Gentleman is for my friend Xi, just send it DHL

[Chu Chu]

Kim couldn’t resist anything in a cradle.

[treadigraph]

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/0327/production/_129170800_kim.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Kim personally prepares the children's coffins to show the World press the results of next Wednesday's American bombing of the orphanage ...

[Kiltrash]

We market them as Supersuzed Easter Eggs....
and in a goodwill promotion send one to each
of the 29 largest American cities ..

[Kiltrash]

We have installed them with the latest Korean timers. Trouble is they run out of sand every 2 and a half minutes. So the range is not the greatest...

[Dan Gerous]

Are these the new suppositories I ordered?
Well they'll certainly clear your blockage oh glorious leader.

[Dan Gerous]

Bored looking officer 2nd left. Think bubble, "FFS hurry up so I can get home and into the wifes sussies and stockings before she gets back from her mothers".

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/0327/production/_129170800_kim.jpg

[Confusious]

Conductor raises his baton and says "please open your song books to page eight and we shall all sing Fat Bottomed Girl."

[Confusious]

Everyone holding their breath whilst trying not to laugh after Kim said "I'll have this one, will my ashes fit in it?"

[Kiltrash]

Bored officer second left thinks...FFS how do women were these god awful frilly knickers....don't half itch...
.. So I am led to believe you understand as I have not tried them myself...honest

[Kiltrash]

...and your sure our cover story that this is only a maternity hospital is still good...

[Kiltrash]

...and these are for the UK Government as part of their plan to shrink the Asylum Seeker problem ..

[cavuman1]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/976x549/kim_jung_un_bombs_c0fdb9cf4cc93c00d8ef75df8c38c3a3f0bc4ad7.j pg
(Man on far right, reading from booklet) - "Then shalt thou countest to three, no more, no less; three being the number...then shalt thou sittest astride the red-nosed beast and ride it to the ground of thine enemy, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it!"

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

Kim (examining hand): I want you on the AAA range at dawn. All of you.
But sir, what did we do?
You told me these were dirty bombs.

[fitliker]

Most advanced rice cookers to date , dual core air cooker should be able to cook all the rice in Beijing in a flash

[Kiltrash]

Yes, this is our new line on dustbins we are selling to the West....look how they lapped up our copies of Audi and Skoda's...

[Kiltrash]

Man leaning down to confer with his aide, checking did he also write down in his notebook what the Great Leader actually said that...
Nutty and Buster were actually siblings separated at birth?

[treadigraph]

...and just the touch of a human hand will trigger it with dire consequences for all those within 50 miles...

[622]

Great leader very dissapointed to find Noel Edmonds was not hosting NK's 'Deal or No Deal'!

[NutLoose]

Man leaning down to confer with his aide, checking did he also write down in his notebook what the Great Leader actually said that...
Nutty and Buster were actually siblings separated at birth?


Naughty step for you...:*

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So Glorious Leader, as you can see by the calculations of the good Doctor here, the superior brilliance of North Korean science has managed to get not one, but two buckets of sunshine into these.

[622]

We found the problem Glorious Leader ......General Kim put his red socks in with your whites!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

No doubt about it Glorious Leader. I've had the accountant here check the ledger. There should be eleven.

[treadigraph]

General, why one for Croydon?

We couldn't spell Ruton...

[Buster Hyman]

Yes Dear Leader. These new pins for the Bowling Alley guarantee a strike every time you bowl!

[sealo0]

Dear Leader “ First person to leapfrog all these gets another medal”

[Kiltrash]

Kim, ( Kiltrash ) is proud to announce the birth of his 10 ( 4) th Grandchild. Mother and son are doing well ...
Well that's Spare, Spare, Spare, Spare etc...

[Kiltrash]

At the ACME design bureau it's felt this should FINALLY get rid of the Coyote.

[Kiltrash]

Had Moscow on the blower, their offering 100 bags of dog food for each of these babies..
Teach a man to fish and you solve any famine problems...

[Kiltrash]

General first left wonders just how long he has to wait even for just one medal...one medal..after 25 years arse licking the countries mad man, that's all I ask for...fortunalty my wife died last year and I have no descendants and my parents fled to the South .... Ah well was a piss poor life, be glad when it's all ove.....

[Chu Chu]

Kim: Now remember. On December 24, we deploy these northward along the 126th meridian. The reindeer will follow the red noses, and we'll have a sled load of the latest Western gear.

General to left (silently): Can't we just order it from China like everyone else?

[Ascend Charlie]

(General looking down): "Oh, rook! Groriuous Reader has dropped his bundle!"
(Next General, whispers):" He did that a rong time ago!"

[Buster Hyman]

As ordered Dear Leader, 100 miniature Thunderbird 2 drones to strike terror into the capitalist pigs! Just awaiting final assembly...

[622]

Conductor "All together now, ten green Nukes sitting in a line, ten green nukes sitting in a line and if one green nuke should accidently ......."

GL " General Kim ....shoot him!"

[NutLoose]

Ok I am going to call it so we can have a fresh one for the weekend,

The Winner is Cavuman1 with
(Man on far right, reading from booklet) - "Then shalt thou countest to three, no more, no less; three being the number...then shalt thou sittest astride the red-nosed beast and ride it to the ground of thine enemy, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it!"

- Ed

Runners up are

Ascend Charlie with

"Risten here, fat boy! You touch that thing again, I break your fingers!"

Kiltrash with
We have installed them with the latest Korean timers. Trouble is they run out of sand every 2 and a half minutes. So the range is not the greatest...

Mine would have been:

Listen here fatty, we explained the three man principal to you all, but you come waltzing in here in your fancy black suits and touch the bomb, if you touch the bomb again I will wrap your knuckles so hard they will hear you screaming in P'yŏngyang.

Or

They are filled with wildfire, we have been secretly stacking them down here since that little fat Kim Jong-un came into power ready to burn him and his palace above in green flames.
cough cough.. it's him.....

[fdr]

What happens when you strap people to AAA...

"No...No... .No! The tall one, he's goldy looking, speaks funny, walks funny, you, know, Ah, Choo do you!, not the short fat rubbishy one... "

[cavuman1]

Thank you, Nutty! Let's fire up the grill:


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x952/jet_engine_barbecue_grill_fc7265f86503a91a40de106375079153d5 84538a.jpg- Ed

[NutLoose]

I've just been chatting to Witney, so you must be Pratt....

[sealo0]

Going to need a bigger burger

[sealo0]

Frying tonight

[Wensleydale]

Making a profit out of a birdstrike.

[Wensleydale]

"Can you use left-overs?"

"Yes - its got re-heat".

[Wensleydale]

Pratt & Whitney engineers finally prove that instead of AVGAS, bacon is the best smell of freedom.

[sealo0]

no wonder Pratt and Whitney have so many engine problems

[sealo0]

So that’s what their for!

[Chu Chu]

What use is a gas generator if you haven’t got a grill?

[treadigraph]

Brat and Chutney please...

[Wensleydale]

To cope with demand, Bill had a new wing built on his restaurant.

[Wensleydale]

The local Chinese restaurant had a new recipe for Kentucky Flied Chicken.

[treadigraph]

Where'd I get it from? It's off a McDonald, Douglas...

[Kiltrash]

Sully made a offer on eBay and was successful in getting his aircrafts galley ...should have read the description better

[Kiltrash]

Hank later wondered where all his mates were, then his wife pointed they all thought it was a early April Fools...

[Kiltrash]

You won't believe just what you can get out through the gate at Kemble...

[Kiltrash]

His guests all made their excuses and left because...
All there was was the Vegan option
Or
The host did not supply doggy bags
Or
There was a $30 a head entrance fee
Or
The Superbowl was moved to tomorrow..
Or
At No 10 this was a work meeting not a party

[Kiltrash]

...and if there is rain, just connect the air starter and press the button

[Kiltrash]

Hows it powered?? I repurposed the Chentrail tank 😄

[Dan Gerous]

You forgot the mustard.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x952/jet_engine_barbecue_grill_fc7265f86503a91a40de106375079153d5 84538a.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

And this gentlemen, is the kipper fleets new galley.

[treadigraph]

I point the exhaust at my neighbour's garden when she's sunbathing - you know, the one who plays Spice Girls CDs with the volume turned up to 11 at 3am when she's drunk...

[Confusious]

Please Mods, don't move this to Jet Blast.

[Confusious]

Make mine a jumbo burger.

[Self loading bear]

We got the idea when we had a birdstrike over Kentucky

[Chu Chu]

Slick work, Hoskins. But the customer wants the engine for a BBJ.

[Kiltrash]

...and you didn't think finding this in your yard may have been connected to last week's plane crash in the edge of town??

[Kiltrash]

...and when my wife makes a whining noise about the state of the yard I just fire up this little baby...

[Kiltrash]

Would it not have been simpler to have just used a brolly to keep the rain off...and a 99p disposable BBQ...said Scrooge McKiltrash

[jolihokistix]

Listen up folks!
With this baby you'll even get Greta to smile!

You simply insert your hotdog here, your hamburger, whatever, restaurant leftovers, anything really; it all gets converted to 100% bio fuel!

[Wensleydale]

I'm a big fan.

[treadigraph]

This is your Short Order Captain speaking... Sadly we've had a flame out and there's burger all to be done about it. The salad bar is still open...

[SLXOwft]

Fan oven, sheet, y'all need a turbofan grill...

[Buster Hyman]

“…and at the front, I have a Salad Tosser…”
”There’s one on the side too…”

[Buster Hyman]

Wait… this is a real engine. That means….OH MY GOD!!!!

[Buster Hyman]

Works really well, I only have ato figure out how to reduce the power of the exhaust fan.

[cavuman1]

OH NO! The grillemeister, in a hurry to finish cooking his steaks, selected TOGA power. He was sucked into the engine, spun 'round at 35,000 r.p.m., scorched, and ejected at high speed into his solarium, where his wife was finishing a pleasing arrangement of pussy willows and tulips in a Lalique vase.




APRIL FOOL!

Will pull the chocks on this one tomorrow at 1000Z. No Joke....

- Ed :O

[Confusious]

Aye up, sauce available from the HP cock.

[Kiltrash]

Knew it was a mistake inviting Mr Brittas when he pointed that although there was only one burner it needed 4 FOUR throttle quadrants....

[Kiltrash]

OH NO! The grillemeister, in a hurry to finish cooking his steaks, selected TOGA power. He was sucked into the engine, spun 'round at 35,000 r.p.m., scorched, and ejected at high speed into his solarium, where his wife was finishing a pleasing arrangement of pussy willows and tulips in a Lalique vase.

Not sure just how this brilliant sure fire winning caption came into my mind 😄

-

[sealo0]

Ooops, sorry forgot the ear defenders

[Kiltrash]

Yes, very good, but does it come in Red?!

[Kiltrash]

Darling, are you sure you gave the invites to the paper boy to deliver round the close for our Coronation Party?
Yes Dear, but perhaps you should have given them £20 each...
No No imaging it getting out how a HM Tax Inspector bribed the Black economy for his own gain...

[sealo0]

pratt & Whitney announcement


This is how we merge Lockheed and Boeing

[Kiltrash]

...and there's you not doing any cooking in the house...
as it's wummins work
or
Cant even boil a egg
Or
Lost the recipe for ice

[Kiltrash]

..ah Mr Whitney, I have it on good authority that your a Pratt...

[Kiltrash]

It's a cheap Chinese knock off ...the BBQ works but the RB ...don't

[treadigraph]

Do we barbeque corncobs? Of course, we call them R4360s!

[Chu Chu]

What's the ETA on the nurnberger bratwurst?

The bad news is we've got a flameout on number 1. The even worse news is that the only alternates we prepared are hamburger and frankfurter.

[ShyTorque]

Fuel injection?

No, twin choke Weber

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

What you get when your staff request a BBQ area, and you let your Defense Procurement section order the equipment: a $3.5 million invoice to follow.

[treadigraph]

Neighbour from hell: "this is the Rolls Royce of barbeques...."

Bloke next door, stage whisper: "what a huge Pratt!"

[Wensleydale]

Top Gun III. Its the same old story of "Boy meets Grill".

[Wensleydale]

When he was advised to build a new wing on his restaurant....

[treadigraph]

Hoskins: I've finally got Roger Bacon where I want him!

[Dan Gerous]

Sure, I can do you a crème brûlée. Pass me the blow torch.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x952/jet_engine_barbecue_grill_fc7265f86503a91a40de106375079153d5 84538a.jpg

[Kiltrash]

At RAF Mildenhall no one told the caterers the show had been cancelled...15 years ago.

[Kiltrash]

True definition of a Man Cave at the bottom of the garden...
but we live in a 5 th floor flat
Don't bother me with irrelevant details ...

[Kiltrash]

Look, if I dont get a descission soon these burgers are gonna be toast...

[Dan Gerous]

There is no vegetarian alternative. You can either have it done with avtur, or do without.

[Buster Hyman]

Why do they call him the Barbeque Batman?
Because he cooks under a cowling….

[Kiltrash]

Cavuman is later rushed to hospital with a severe case of Salmonella..having not fully reheated his food.

[Kiltrash]

In London the rampant Manchester United fan was glad LNER was on strike....giving him a cast iron excuse not to go to Newcastle....ah well every cloud etc...😄

[Kiltrash]

Amazing the oversized things on offer at Costco these days.
,

[Big Pistons Forever]

The market analyst are saying that the Pratt and Whitney diversification strategy has gotten out of hand....

[Big Pistons Forever]

So what did YOU get for your retirement gift.......

[Big Pistons Forever]

You can tell it was made for Boeing because it is fitted with an MCAS (Massively Crappy Appliance Surface) that makes it nearly impossible to control.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Yah, I had to paint out the United logo when it landed in my yard.

[Big Pistons Forever]

If Pratt & Whitney had started out making BBQ's instead of sewing machines.....

[ShyTorque]

“The chap who converted it for me said it’s got two dipsticks - but I’ve only found one on the inside”

[Hydromet]

In his eagerness to show off his new barbecue,, Dan Gerous posted in the CapComp thread instead of "My Beautiful Weber".

[cavuman1]

... And the envelope, please! On the weight of the quality and quantity of his excellent entries, this contest, though potentially void where prohibited by law and with the specification that PPRuNe employees, members, as well as subsidiaries, affiliates, suppliers, advertising and promotion agencies, and employees' immediate family members are ineligible to participate in the contest, goes to...............KILTRASH!

His incomparable entry: (https://blog.woobox.com/2019/09/social-media-contest-rules-starter-template-example-guide/)"OH NO! The grillemeister, in a hurry to finish cooking his steaks, selected TOGA power. He was sucked into the engine, spun 'round at 35,000 r.p.m., scorched, and ejected at high speed into his solarium, where his wife was finishing a pleasing arrangement of pussy willows and tulips in a Lalique vase.
Not sure just how this brilliant sure fire winning caption came into my mind 😄"

is without parallel in the annals of PPRuNe comedic history! Well Done, KILTY! The floor is yours.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Oh gosh....well I thought it was the BEST EVER Caption..
so onwards and upwards ...
Have a go at this ladies and gents, and those who identify as a vegetable...
https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1125/phyl_in_bcal_days_f5c190c0d8658b7677cabbd65067ee8849a2fc6a_2 f6d66174b3375abef4e6980a9e4aa15ec3d8db0.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Carol's about to meet her biggest fan...

[jolihokistix]

To demonstrate the compact size of these new small engines we placed a Barbie doll inside for reference.

[Buster Hyman]

The Tech crew of the DC-10 demonstrator voted for Carol to stand in the engine for the photo. "It's amazing how popular one becomes without any knickers on!" she said afterwards.

[Buster Hyman]

Frank the FE (2nd from left) was embarrassed to show his watch in case the Captain whipped his out...

[Buster Hyman]

Unfortunately for B-Cal, they had to buy the Demonstrator as well, owing to the fact that Carols heels put holes in the engine cowling!

[Wensleydale]

Photograph taken just before, Betty was sucked off. (Not the first time smirked the co-pilot).

[andytug]

"Why do they keep calling me "fod"?

[Dan Gerous]

Hold on crew, turning planet to starboard.

[NutLoose]

Bcal dispose of excess crews following take over

[NutLoose]

And each kilt was secured by a little prick, making pilots redundant.

[NutLoose]

Taking a leaf out of the classic film Animal House, each hostess was issued with a pair of disposable gloves.

[NutLoose]

Suck,squeeze,bang and blow, Bcal ladies are introduced to the technical side of being an Air Hostess.

[Chu Chu]

What do you mean it’s dangerous? You could drive a truck through here.

[Chu Chu]

With the Benedictines clinging to ancient gender stereotypes, this was Dana had limited options for taking the cowl.

[andytug]

"Hoskins, clean your ears out - I said I wanted them in a tartan twin set, not a tart in a twin jet...."

[NutLoose]

I've got an awful Kiltrash..
That'll be the crabs* love..


*various other living mites available...

[NutLoose]

Prince Philip sneeks into the photocall.

[treadigraph]

Oh! It reminds you of The Birth of Venus! I thought for a minute there you said something else...

[fitliker]

Sung to the old beach boys classic :
I wish they all could be Caledonia Girls
Two girls for every boy

Way better than Twa Dogs , ya basser

[MPN11]

… “And the winner of the knobbly knees competition is … “

[cavuman1]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1125/phyl_in_bcal_days_f5c190c0d8658b7677cabbd65067ee8849a2fc6a_2 f6d66174b3375abef4e6980a9e4aa15ec3d8db0.jpg
Just before their crewmate's back bottom becomes mincemeat, the lady and gentleman on the left of the photo look on in horror as an out-of-control flaming A380 barrels directly toward them. Musical background is the cacophony of someone strangling the agony bags.

- Ed

[MPN11]

#5 acquired a hand on her shoulder. “Oh, that’s Captain Speaking. He has long arms, and ,,, oh, cut …”

[Chu Chu]

To date, no engine fitted with the new deterrent has ingested a bird. At least not the feathered kind.

[Ascend Charlie]

The First Officer holds down a hard-on as he looks across at Basil, the Chief Purser, out of shot.

[Confusious]

This is one photo that the crew couldn't bypass.

[Chu Chu]

Or:

The good news is that bird strikes are way down.

The bad news is that industrial actions by our female staff are way up.

[Chu Chu]

I said I was looking for someone quick on the uptake.

[ShyTorque]

Gladys was always known as a bit of fanny.

[Buster Hyman]

Start up of the 'Whisper jet' caught everyone by surprise! Especially Carol!

[622]

I do hate these photo shoots in our short skirts - they are so demeaning, they always just want us to show a bit of flesh and look sexy! ....said Bert the Stewardess

[NutLoose]

I wish she wouldn't stand in the intake, can you hear the blue note as the air is drawn in through her legs?

[NutLoose]

Yes I know Red Bull gives you wings, but so do tampons replied Doris

[Dan Gerous]

I love the smell of estrogen in the morning.

[Kiltrash]

Ok all, men women and cabbages gonna call this one in the morning....feel I didn't win fair and square ..like the Donald will 😄...
last orders please

ps I need to get back to slagging off Croydon...

[Chu Chu]

I didn't win fair and square .

We all know you were just trying to be funny :)

[Dan Gerous]

God, this place is worse than Croydon. :E

[Wensleydale]

I want to get down now..I want to get down now..I WANT TO GET DOWN NOW GUYS - GUYS!! YOU'VE TAKEN THE STEPS!!!

[treadigraph]

God, this place is worse than Croydon. :E

But not as bad as Luton...

[Hydromet]

Doris really preferred the old suck, squeeze, bang & blow days, but was willing to adapt.

[Kiltrash]

On my personal Chuckl-o-meter there can only be one winner, and that honour today falls to Andy with...

"Hoskins, clean your ears out - I said I wanted them in a tartan twin set, not a tart in a twin jet...."

with a runner up of Joli with ...

To demonstrate the compact size of these new small engines we placed a Barbie doll inside for reference.

[jolihokistix]

Apologies for butting in, and to Al Jazeera, but what is Uncle Vlad whispering to Cyril Ramaphosa? Just had to grab this shot. Answers after the present round finishes!
https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2023/2/26/is-africa-still-neutral-a-year-into-the-ukraine-war

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/828x686/2e23b089_e481_49ae_88d9_1593821a745e_aa35fd451cc96e7d6fa4c98 af10619b0b58b93dc.jpeg
Ooh, that's an honour!
May I offer this from an earlier page, p.884, if andytug does not have something right away, and does not mind?
Andy?

[jolihokistix]

Even better without the subtitle. What is Putin whispering to him?


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/828x556/2a31de92_9cee_424f_805c_505d4f337d85_33449d505ffe415b9736943 afaa5ffd4b83d2eac.jpeg

[Buster Hyman]

Did you hear? Joli came second, but still put up a pic!!!! :}:}:}

[jolihokistix]

Did you hear? Joli came second, but still put up a pic!!!! :}:}:}
Ssssshhhhhh.................:oh:

PS I did win one a few weeks ago, but as a newboy didn't realize that it was my duty to oblige with a new photo.
Double faux pas, I know.

[Buster Hyman]

Ssssshhhhhh.................:oh:

PS I did win one a few weeks ago, but as a newboy didn't realize that it was my duty to oblige with a new photo.
Double faux pas, I know.
:}:ok:

Caption: "You will vote with Russia Da? Or, I release the pictures of you in Tutu!"

[Hydromet]

"May we borrow your army?"

[Confusious]

"When I've finished in Europe we'll be heading down your way, see you soon Cyril"

[Wensleydale]

...and the British are planning to re-colonise Rwanda.

[NutLoose]

It's called a watch, we use them in Russia to tell the time.. If you would like one, I believe Macron has dispensed with his.

[NutLoose]

You must have seen the film Zulu, well, we are like the Zulu's, we outnumber them many times over, and the Ukrainians, well they are like the British led by that chap Chard and no matter what we do we cannot take the compound, we keep throwing our best warriors at them and they keep getting slaughtered. Ohh, and the drunk minister Otto Witt spewing bull****, that's Medvedev through and through..

[NutLoose]

So anyway I was considering investing in your Country and building my villa on your coast, i will use it as my escape....... erm... escape from work pressure.

[treadigraph]

My advice to you is never go above ground level in any building...

[Kiltrash]

Told you before...no tongues please

[Kiltrash]

Got any spare diamonds? Got a little conflict to fund

[Kiltrash]

Damm lip readers.....must remember hand in front of mouth

[Kiltrash]

Devils Island is it still available? I may need to hide out somewhere soon

[Kiltrash]

Got any spare Cruisers going cheap, I can supply oil you know .
Sorry got plenty oil, but a few Krugerrands would go un missed. If you have a large enough brown unmarked envelope, of course.

[Kiltrash]

Is the climate hot in your country??

[Kiltrash]

Bit boring init? having a National Flag designed by a slide rule..

[Kiltrash]

Appears my Presidential Food Taster has passed away, got any sealed bottles of Vodka for me please...

[Kiltrash]

For some reason neither of us got invited to ' The ' Coronation....wonder why..

[Dan Gerous]

So are we the capcom pic or what?

[Chu Chu]

I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but I’m not actually Putin.

That’s okay. This isn’t actually the competition photo.

[Ascend Charlie]

"I understand why you look startled, there's a bloody huge knife in your back!"

[Big Pistons Forever]

Psssst, got any spare tanks.......and heavy artillery, .........and helicopters, ...........and...............

[Buster Hyman]

"No, no. I'm not leaning in to talk to you. I'm just letting one rip in Macrons direction..."

[jolihokistix]

Some of these got me guffawing. Will tie this one off in a few hours.

[Buster Hyman]

I wouldn't drink that if I was you...

[Kiltrash]

Yes I have banned all my Military from voting in the Russian Elections. In case they feel aggrieved with me...anyhow I have already voted for them...

[Kiltrash]

Can you pass the salt,
Ah that's why they call you a little short arsed armed man..

[Kiltrash]

Wonder why Bear Grylls has not featured me in the great outdoors in his new series, I could show him a thing or two...

[Wensleydale]

"It was supposed to be in Salisbury Rhodesia!!!"

[Kiltrash]

Am just popping out, I might be some time....( Capt Oats )
or
Think I'll just pop down to the beach...( Reggie Perrin )
Or
Am just going up in deck by the moonlight..( Rupert Murdoch )
Or
Is that my wife comming home?..(Lord Lucan )

Other unexplained deaths are available

[Ascend Charlie]

Headbutt captured on camera.

[Ascend Charlie]

"I call this a Liverpool Kiss"

[Confusious]

"Don't drink that water as it was meant for Biden."

[622]

Sorry for the prodding then....but last time one of my men sat next to a head and shoulders he got a nasty surprise!

[622]

psssstt ...this is the klu klux klan meeting isn't it?

[Confusious]

"I noticed that your glass is empty, mine is half empty."

[andytug]

(not a caption) No problem Joli - apologies been offline a bit this week.

[andytug]

"Novichock is best wine in Russia......you must try some..."

[Buster Hyman]

"Don't tell anyone but, I heard they may be presenting me with a golden bust at the end of the meal! So, excited!!!"

[MPN11]

"Yes, it's an Aircrew Watch. I got it from one on my Generals just before he ... umm ... retired."

[treadigraph]

"Yes, it's an Aircrew Watch.

Is it Russian?

No, if anything it's slow...

[NutLoose]

You shouldn't drink water you know, fish f*ck in it, I would recommend you try vodka.. it's much more healthier.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/828x556/image_8dfa52be87c9dc4517ac1233cc2f4e17c4a3d773.png

[NutLoose]

No, you wet your finger and run it around the lip of the glass, not your chin..

[jolihokistix]

Brilliant run. Many thanks guys 'n gals, bots, etc.
Now I have to figure how to go backwards and forwards collecting answers without losing this page. Hmmm...

I was personally thinking along the lines of "Don't tell the Chinese, but can you provide coking coal for our grand fleet heading to Port Arthur?"
And, "Would you take rubles? They're up against the dollar this year, you know!"..........

Anyway, loving the zany flashes of wit on this site; there is intelligent life here, whatever people might say about Pprune.

Runners up for me with my simple sense of humo(u)r are:
Hydromet "May we borrow your army?"
And
Chu Chu: "I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but I’m not actually Putin."
Cyril: "That’s okay. This isn’t actually the competition photo."

Grand Prix to Buster Hyman's: "Don't tell anyone but, I heard they may be presenting me with a golden bust at the end of the meal! So, excited!!!"

Take it away!!! :D And an hono(u)rable for everyone who offered a caption. Your time will surely come!

(And thanks to Andy) :ok:

[Kiltrash]

P...Does your Army band not know how to play the Russian National Anthem....
C...Er no don't think so...
P..Well better learn real quick....
( Suffering withdrawal symptoms..)

[Kiltrash]

I hear President Zelenskky has been approached to be the new manager of Chelsea, / Tottenham / West Ham and even Leicester....he's seen as a success in Europe...

[Buster Hyman]

Well I never! Thanks JH!!!

Lets see what the Peanut Gallery can come up with here!

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/488x600/totalhell_9760ff3709531ad90ddc97a377e4f257741a6b41.jpg

[treadigraph]

I'm the last man in the Russian Army
Our tanks have taken a huge hit
We've guns but no bloomin' bullets
And the food is just ersatz sh!t

My comrades are all dead or scarpered
But Putin says we'll still win
So I mounted my one-wheeled transport
And decided to hand myself in...

[Kiltrash]

Gotta keep the mud off me boots

[Kiltrash]

The circus performer is escorted to the POW camp

[Kiltrash]

I get a great view of the Masters

[Ascend Charlie]

"Hey buddy, why are there napkins on the seat?"
"They're for my wife, it's her menstrual cycle."

[Wensleydale]

Richthofen squadron. How did you know?

[Wensleydale]

These BGT auditions are Tough!

[jolihokistix]

Long Tall Shorty trying out his idea of 'Teflon' for the very first time.

[Wensleydale]

"..those Cherokees are after me..."

[Hydromet]

There was a rumour that Fritz pedalled it around the camp.

[treadigraph]

That's nothing, Douglas Bader did all that without his tin legs on...

[Confusious]

"Oi you, you're supposed to be marching in tandem."

[NutLoose]

He’s a bit of a one trick pony

[NutLoose]

There is a war on you know, shortages everywhere including the cycle industry.

[NutLoose]

Well, that’s the lion tamer and now the trick cyclist, what’s next?

I heard it’s Buster the clown…..

[treadigraph]

Wait for the bit where he tries to jump the barbed wire at the Swiss border...

[Kiltrash]

That's the trouble with the parade following the troupe of Elephants

[Kiltrash]

The Russian troops leave the Ukraine with the spoils of war ..well half share with Igor...

[Kiltrash]

As the yomp from Goose Green progressed the Argies fell back and tried to mingle in with 2 Para.

[Chu Chu]

In Götterdämmerung, disturbing signs of a new Cycle.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Benz, see the demonstration of the Otto Cycle

[Kiltrash]

In the New Forest the rains came early for the Easter run of Vintage vehicles

[Kiltrash]

Owing to inflation the farthing was all he could afford

[Kiltrash]

Having surrendered to the Yanks, the trick cyclist still felt he still had a role to play....Not if only someone would invent the Skateboard area

[Confusious]

In days gone by pedestrians wore helmets and cyclists, the real men didn't.

[NutLoose]

Oh him, he’s at uni.

[Kiltrash]

The Charity Fun runner at the Berlin Marathon stretched the spirit of the event slightly

[Kiltrash]

Oh him, he's from Raleigh

[Kiltrash]

As the American troops liberated Nouvion, the locals all came to watch the parade of captured German troops. As usual Lt Gruber just HAD to be different

[Chu Chu]

The Third Reich is collapsing. There's no fuel for the Luftwaffe. The Russians are pushing for Berlin. Industry is bombed to hell. All of your comrades are dead. You've just been captured. And you're . . . riding a unicycle?

Have you ever counted the ball bearings in a bicycle?

[fitliker]

There are fewer ball bearings in a lighter unicycle than a heavier bicycle, but if your balls start bearing the weight you might wish you had two WHEELS

[Big Pistons Forever]

It's a long way to Tipper -arry, its a long way......

[Kiltrash]

Early design studies for a re engineered Dalek, still show issues with stairs

[Kiltrash]

One wheel on my wagon, and I'm still rolling along, them Cherokees are after me..

[Kiltrash]

Otto took time to re invent the wheel.. .

[Kiltrash]

At Stalag Luft 3 the guards were surprised. They thought the prisoners were building a glider in the loft.

[Kiltrash]

Sir Clive started his business with the Sinclair C1. ...hopes to eventually get through the process to a C6