Caption Competition Mk III

[NutLoose]

Errr..... well who is in the cockpit?

[NutLoose]

You tell me where it says in the ops manual that blade tracking up country is forbidden and I won't do it..

[NutLoose]

No Smithers, I don't think Noahs Ark was constructed out of aluminium tubing, why do you ask?



..

[622]

"What do you mean Hoskins....you can't go when we are all watching!"

[Kiltrash]

Pilot...Well I'm REALLY sorry but one hill top looks the same as all the other ones, now just get out, stop whinging and start walking...

[MPN11]

Ryanair find yet more obscure and remote airports on which to deposit their passengers.

[Kiltrash]

There Mr Hammond we have deposited you on Wolf Mountain for your co presenters to find and rescue you before the battery in your survival Bae supplied Pilots Watch runs out...
The crew will now retire to the 5 * Hotel

[Kiltrash]

Skip,... they are refusing to get out...
Pilot ..full power on the front rotor.

[Kiltrash]

It's a long way to some random town in Ireland...

[Kiltrash]

Nope, still no 4G signal.

[NutLoose]

I'm sure the walk will do you good Mr Grylls

[Dan Gerous]

Judging tonight if I can cadge a lift back with the Chinook. :)

[treadigraph]

I told everyone to make sure they'd been before we left...

[Buster Hyman]

What are you doing here?
I don't know. Arnie said I had to get here so...

[Kiltrash]

Rearward firing missle? Old hat just turn the Apache round..

[Dan Gerous]

Judging time, and starting with mentions for

Kiltrash with, Nope, still no 4G signal.

MPN11 with Ryanair find yet more obscure and remote airports on which to deposit their passengers.

Runner up Seekayess with Egads! We're gonna need lots of toilet rolls to clean that!!

And the winner is Nutloose with, I'm sure the walk will do you good Mr Grylls, and I also liked No Smithers, I don't think Noahs Ark was constructed out of aluminium tubing, why do you ask?

Over to you Nutloose.

[Kiltrash]

I'm sure Nutty will be with us shortly, as soon as he comes back down from the mountain...

Well done 'loose

[NutLoose]

Thank you :)

I will hand the reigns over to Seekyess as he is new to this, failing that open house to those that haven't won any or many,

I have sent Seekyess a PM.



..

[seekayess]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/846x575/screenshot_2022_03_24_at_17_35_43_66d301015d5f13a2dc9fc79195 32bb884fe1ba54.png
Here we go! Have a bash!!

[Buster Hyman]

Perhaps, in hindsight, telling Nutty he won as we landed wasn't the best idea.

[Buster Hyman]

"Hey Ma! I found us a new culvert replacement!"

[Buster Hyman]

Fer Gawds sake Sully! Give it a rest will ya!

[treadigraph]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/846x575/screenshot_2022_03_24_at_17_35_43_66d301015d5f13a2dc9fc79195 32bb884fe1ba54.png

[treadigraph]

You know Hoskins, I really think that flying is not an occupation for you.

[andytug]

(Attenborough voice) "As we see, the Fokker is at its most vulnerable when it descends from the sky, as it must regularly in order to drink."

[Buster Hyman]

"What did you call me, Fokker?" said the SAAB

[andytug]

"What did you call me, Fokker?" said the SAAB

<not a caption>

Ah but one is funnier than the other :) Ask Stan Boardman!

[Kiltrash]

Welcome seekayess, good starter for 10

Caption
Pilots name...Charles Wales

[Kiltrash]

Knew it was a mistake flying ovet Balmoral during the Grouse season

[Kiltrash]

Hamish McTavish refused to leave his Duty Free behind during the evacuation.

[Wensleydale]

There is confusion in the cockpit as the co-pilot attempts to handover the Andover over Dover.

[Kiltrash]

....and that's why you should not reject take off after V1. ....Even with both engine failure

[Kiltrash]

The Farmer claimed salvage rights...That'll do for the sheep shelter over Winter

[Kiltrash]

Having landed at Prestwick the Pilot was surprised to find the sign " Welcome to Out Skerries "

[622]

In the bar afterwards:

Barman "How do you want your Whisky Captain Hoskins?"

Capt H "Like my landings, on the rocks with a little water"

[treadigraph]

Croydon Airport was not quite the same as it had been when Hoskins last visited in a DH-86...

[622]

Looks like Runway at Lyneham is having the same problem as the roads!

[Kiltrash]

Autoland cat 111 failure
or
Too close for rod and line, switching to net
or
Slight delay on the Coffman Starter Trophy delivery is announced

[NutLoose]

OK, who’s going to tell the pilot he is also going to get a ticket for failure to stop at the stop sign.

[treadigraph]

Is now a good time to tell you that you've also got a speeding ticket AND a parking ticket...?

(Nutty, a near snap! :p)

[NutLoose]

So that’s why they called the airport Boulder.

[cynicalint]

I can now assure you Campbelltown Loch is Not made of whisky, and you could not drink it dry!

[Dan Gerous]

The Logan air sub departs Stornoway

[NutLoose]

Ooooooohhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiit….

It’s too late for that Hoskins, we’ve wrecked it

Nooo, I mean oooh ****, the aft bogs overflowing and it’s heading our way,..

[cynicalint]

Pity that de-icer did not work in the air!

[Kiltrash]

well that was a close shave, said Harry

[Kiltrash]

Michael Caine voice.
Nobody move lads
or
Hang on I have a idea

[Kiltrash]

Don't think turning off the windshield wipers is really going to help

[Hydromet]

"Any landing you can swim away from..."

[Ascend Charlie]

"Ummmmm...handing over..."

[treadigraph]

A bit early in the round out, Sully!

[cynicalint]

You came so close to flooding the carburettor there Hoskins!

[ShyTorque]

“When I said ROTATE, I meant UP!”

[cynicalint]

Putin's invitation to all his generals for a drink did not pan out as he planned!

[Chu Chu]

What was my idea, Hoskins?

Don't you remember? We were talking about the protesters on the runway, and suddenly you said we should run over the riprap.

[Self loading bear]

Shipping of granite while not properly fastened.

[Ascend Charlie]

A Rock Concert, featuring Jefferson's Airplane.

[Kiltrash]

Normally the Captain gets a water tribute from the Airport Fire Service to mark his last ever flight, not to mark his first, and last one...

[treadigraph]

I think my career might be on the rocks...

[Kiltrash]

Having transferred from the Air Force PO PPRuNe searched in vein for the Ejector Seat cord.
or
The Captain always goes down with the ship
or
Sorry Mr Corbyn, the aircrafts gone tech, but we have arranged a cab to take you to the station, if we hurry you can just make the 11.00 to London, don't worry about reserving a seat in First class, there will be plenty of space

[Wensleydale]

"Dambusters 2: The Rocks Fight Back".

[622]

Oooo look Captain, a note from the Engineers.. 'Brakes a bit worn, go easy on the landing'

[NutLoose]

So do I put in the Techlog, ditched, nearly ditched or simply overran?

[Kiltrash]

Radio crackles....ABC 123, Tower, when I asked can you expedite runway vacant i did expect you to turn off....

[Self loading bear]

Note in Techlog,
Please check out left hand spinner cup.

Answer of LAME
Spinner cup checked, it is still there.

[cynicalint]

I told you on the walk-round that the starboard propeller looked limp, but would you listen?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/846x575/image_e28044d72932485e6849de9beb8eac530e62ab82.png

[Ascend Charlie]

"Alpha Bravo Charlie, you are badly broken, say again?"

[Runaway Gun]

“Keep holding the AI Erect button- it should come level again.”

[Kiltrash]

Ouch...me backs gone again

[Kiltrash]

Well that's one way to de fuel a plane, remember back in the 80's what happened to my big brother Victor Charlie the 10th

[Kiltrash]

Nope, don't think a breaking parachute was the best adaptation for short field performance you ever came up with. ..

[Kiltrash]

Bloody well wish Kiltrash did not live in such a gawd forsaken out of the way place, it's a Devils own job to get in and out safely with the trophy each time he ' effin wins. Why can't he live somewhere more civilised, like Skye...

[Buster Hyman]

Why can't the Amphibious aircraft test the water temperature themselves?

[Chu Chu]

No, it's spelled with two alphas. And anyway, the expression is "cry me a river."

[Dan Gerous]

"If that stop sign was the other way round, this wouldn't have happened".

[SLXOwft]

We'd have been OK if we'd been flying an ATP (all terrain 'plane) not a SAAB.

or

Clarence House denies the Prince of Wales has been piloting himself in Alaska.

[MPN11]

Andrew denies remembering ever having met those rocks.

[treadigraph]

Harry expects the accident report to reflect His Truth...

[cynicalint]

Stop complaining! I stopped short of the water didn't I?

[cynicalint]

If you say "sorry, but the runway at Gib was 60 yards longer once more.....!"

[Ascend Charlie]

"Looks like we were about (1,2,3,4....) 135 stones overweight, Cap'n!"

[fitliker]

They will investigate the skid marks to see which skid marks are the most frightening, the ones on the runway or those in the flight deck manties .

[NutLoose]

What do you mean C1, there is no such speed call out….
No, I said Sea 1 as in Sea 1 SAAB 0

[NutLoose]

I think the Captn’s stoned again..

[NutLoose]

Son of a beach.

[NutLoose]

That’s the last time I order a scotch on the rocks on LoganAir.

[Kiltrash]

Climate change erosion is speeding up...as the crew found out upon returning after only 1 hour

[Kiltrash]

Funny how the scrap merchants get to the accident site before the AAIB... ( NTSB )

[Kiltrash]

Wish the AAIB would hurry up, I can't stay here much longer....looking at all this water. At my age this does have a effect on me...

[Chu Chu]

Hoskins, when I said we were landing in Dutch Harbor, what I means was . . .

[MPN11]

"Well, at least we don't have a claim for a damaged windscreen."

[Kiltrash]

What can, and often does, happen when you don't stop at a STOP sign

[treadigraph]

Sorry Skip, I was looking at PPRuNe, seeing who the latest recipient of the CST is...

[Wensleydale]

the Mach Loop bites back!

[Kiltrash]

Helluva Wake Turbulence behind that Seagull skip..

[Kiltrash]

CRM was called into question when the AAIB report cited the Captain made an inappropriate remark about the co-Pilots wife medical condition...
The CVR recorded they would settle this here and now, while on short finals.

[treadigraph]

Captain, I know you're on Will Smith's side but there was no need to hit the rocks to make your point...

[NutLoose]

Geeezzz, I haven't seen potholes this big since I flew into East Midlands Airport.

[MPN11]

"Did you see that goat, Skipper?"

[Self loading bear]

“At the end of Ballyhoo road make sharp right turn to Airport beach road”
”Do not continue onto E(mergency) point road”

Google maps was basically right but better not to be trusted.

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x1072/80795b95_a054_47da_86af_dea082af2c11_a95696bed65d4a897610285 f9d2b5e3e76b307bf.jpeg

[Chu Chu]

Take your time, as long as you have us out of here by '42.

[Kiltrash]

Some people seem to think, Skipper, that we have landed in Dutch Harbour, Alaska, never believe everything you see on the Internet...
or
Don't worry, Nav, some swot on ' What Airfield' would have us located in minutes..

[Kiltrash]

Last week it was Water to Waterbeach then Rocks to Rockhampton, now it's Crash to Crashgate

[Kiltrash]

Well you CAN lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink....
Well can you blame them? all this Avgas on the surface...

[NutLoose]

Hot? I should think so, burning all of Kiltrashes Avgas

[NutLoose]

Nav to Skipper, you never will guess what, I was looking at the wrong airfield plate.

[NutLoose]

Does this mean we are now honorary members of the Kipper Fleet / Goldfish club*

* delete as appropriate.

[Kiltrash]

Think we may have found a typo on the Jeppsen Chart

[Kiltrash]

Damm Yanks, 3000 feet I read as 3000 meters

[Kiltrash]

Lucky the rescue service was already here on a training exercise

[SLXOwft]

Call me superstitious but I will never, repeat never, use a runway 13 again.

or

Hoskins, we are professional pilots, you are not deplaning until we've completed the shutdown checklist.


I can't believe we've not had ... it'll buff out.

[Kiltrash]

Captain Livingstone, if we stay here much longer thet'll have to send out a search party through the long grass

[MPN11]

Captain Livingstone, if we stay here much longer thet'll have to send out a search party through the long grass
Getting that feeling myself. This Contest is on the Rocks too.

[Kiltrash]

There, found it in the NOTAM, runway 15L Closes permanently from 29 March...What's the date??

[Chu Chu]

Does the judge know he's judging? (Seek a yes on this one.)

[Kiltrash]

What does the cabin think, if we don't hear within 24 hours that Nutty judge as he was the previous winner ?? And we can get out of our Timeloop??

[Buster Hyman]

No, I'm sorry, but we parked it correctly! What you'll find is that it was there for so long, Continental Drift moved it into the gully!

[NutLoose]

PM sent :)

[seekayess]

Sorry folks! I got caught in the log-in-forgot password-etc etc!!

So, here goes! Sorry if I have judged in a bit of an impulsive manner!!

I thought this was a great caption:

"Hoskins, we are professional pilots, you are not deplaning until we've completed the shutdown checklist."

Take it away, SLXOwft

[SLXOwft]

Having to select quickly while in a state of shock at winning... thank you seekayess.

Apologies if it's been used before. Master arm on, away you go ...


https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/797x500/801gone_a6a1c9354521f0db1be4340825607993b29e6cc7.jpg

[NutLoose]

Look Nav if we’re lost again just tell me…. Nav?….. Nav?

[NutLoose]

What does this red button dooooooooooooooooooo?

[NutLoose]

“I am just going outside and may be some time”.

[treadigraph]

We are over Sweden? I'm not Putin up with this Special Operation :mad: anymore - tell 'em I got Stockholm Syndrome...

[treadigraph]

I've always wanted to meet ABBA, but it looks like we are about to meet SAABs - adios.

[treadigraph]

Well Vladimir Vladimirovich, you wanted a bird's eye view of how your Special Operation is going - command eject allows me to show you Kyev even more closely!

[cynicalint]

I can see your instrument panel from up here!

[cynicalint]

Wow! That's a powerful reverse thrust!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Boris, that wasn't the lever that raises your seat height, but it seems to have had a similar effect!"

[NutLoose]

You’re paying me in roubles? Sod that, I’m out of here…

[NutLoose]

Just practising for when NATO joins in………

[NutLoose]

Sorry Nav we haven’t got any IR flares and needs must….

[fitliker]

I can see your house from up here , looks like a strange tank parked in your driveway , someone must be cutting your grass for you

[fitliker]

Worst curry ever

[NutLoose]

Cyrillic Bang and the stain is on…..

[Buster Hyman]

Oh, this is a much better view!

[Buster Hyman]

Talk to me Goose....Goose?

[Buster Hyman]

Whoa! There's a tin of Baked Beans down there!

[Chu Chu]

I knew it was a mistake letting Kim Jung-un into the back seat.

[Buster Hyman]

Too close for missiles, switching to.... RUN!!!!!!

[Hydromet]

Bloodski капуста , when is the mess going to start serving us белужья икра again.

[Kiltrash]

After Soyuz goes Tech alternate means to get the replacement crew to the ISS is needed

[Kiltrash]

Guy Fawkski manages to light the blue touch paper

[Kiltrash]

No no Premature Ejection has a different meaning in the Medical World

[Kiltrash]

No no when I said there were 4 Aim 9 Missiles heading our way, that was a April Fool..

[Kiltrash]

Top Gun 2 ' Red Air ' Bugs out

[treadigraph]

So where are we defecting to? Croydon? :eek: NYET!

[NutLoose]

Heheheheeeee... He may be laughing now, but wait until he realises I had command ejection selected....

[treadigraph]

Having discovered their IL-76s were vulnerable to ground fire, Russia's new tictacs to reinforce boots on the ground was going to be time and rouble consuming...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/797x500/801gone_a6a1c9354521f0db1be4340825607993b29e6cc7_109151a54da 1e95c69cf9810e65e7fb2887b21ae.jpg

[Kiltrash]

You know your in (t)rouble when the Autopilot bales out

[NutLoose]

Hey Nav, have you just experienced a nasty draught down the back of your neck too?

[Kiltrash]

We thank you for adding speedy delivery to your McDonalds order, It will be with you very soon

* Other fast food restaurants are available

[Kiltrash]

Normally i cook steaks on the manifold on my Humvee but I preferred the BBQ option today

[Kiltrash]

Well with Hoskinski being the Pilot I thought it was safer this way rather than waiting for the inevitable crash

[seekayess]

Ever since lady fighter jocks, people are getting chary of singing "Baby you just light my fire"!!

[Kiltrash]

In an unfortunate side effect, the designers discovered the melting point of tbe fuselage

[Dan Gerous]

Oi! I just washed and detailed that.

[Wensleydale]

"April Fool - there was no bird strike, Nav".

"Nav"

"NAV"!

[Kiltrash]

The LSO mixed up her flags and what should have been the " Clear to land " flag she used " I know you have been knocking off my sister, when you land your in real trouble " flag ...

[Kiltrash]

LA Centre 801 ...Speed Check...
801 LA Centre ...I show you at 550 knots..no wait 2000 knots ...Across the ground

[Kiltrash]

As news of the World Cup Group stage draw comes through, Jock McTavish, on secondment to Red Air, can barely contain his excitement

[andytug]

"Navski, do clouds normally contain tractors?...Navski?........."

[Chu Chu]

Hoskinski's plan to flame-polish the canopy might have worked, but for one small detail.

[fitliker]

That streak on the window is obscuring that morning star , I might call it a “Star streak “
What do you think Igor ? Igor ?

[fitliker]

April fools Yuri , there is not a star streak at your six

[Kiltrash]

This happens every time PO Eje is teamed with Captain Hoskinski, you know the one with the pronounced stammer...

[Kiltrash]

Look, if you don't stop saying " Are we nearly there yet " in that stupid high pitched child like voice. ...

[Dan Gerous]

OK, Kiev is straight ahead, 100KM. I'm just going to get off here and walk back.

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/797x500/801gone_a6a1c9354521f0db1be4340825607993b29e6cc7_109151a54da 1e95c69cf9810e65e7fb2887b21ae.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Yes that's it, I have a 5G signal....at last..

[NutLoose]

Did you just fart?

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry, flares are all the fashion.

[Ascend Charlie]

A lit fart is usually blue, so this photo shows an excess of cabbage in the diet.

[Kiltrash]

Adenoids voice

You know Yuri, personally I find train spoting at Moscow station platform 5 to be a excellent position to record the numbers of the Great Patriotic A4's, the latest design of the Antonov design company. But I especially like the smoke grey paint job. Have you seen the overnight train on the Trans Siberian express? Only 4 days to Murmansk. That really stirs the heart and soul of my fellow comrades. Oh and the luxury train to the Black Sea Datchas that our leaders ........aaarrrggghhh

[SLXOwft]

I shall be judging this evening UK time.

[Wensleydale]

Don’t worry, flares are all the fashion.

So are Blazers and a Smoking Jacket.....

[Dan Gerous]

Incoming IR missile, we're out of decoys. You're up Nav.

[NutLoose]

Nav to Pilot, why are you descending? ohhhh errr.......

[NutLoose]

So beloved instructor, what do you think of my approach this time?

[NutLoose]

If I wanted a Stinger up my ass I would eat a Vindaloo..... See ya.....

[Kiltrash]

Yes, Piles do give you a ring of fire...

[Kiltrash]

As the Nav plummeted at terminal velocity to a certain death, he wished had not been having an affair with Helga, you know the Parachute packers wife. ..

[Dan Gerous]

Way to late on the round out Hoskins!

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/797x500/801gone_a6a1c9354521f0db1be4340825607993b29e6cc7_109151a54da 1e95c69cf9810e65e7fb2887b21ae.jpg

[SLXOwft]

Special mentions for:
Andytug: 'Navski, do clouds normally contain tractors?...Navski?.........'
Dan Gerous: 'OK, Kiev is straight ahead, 100KM. I'm just going to get off here and walk back.'
Hydromet for getting cabbage and beluga caviar into one sentence.
Buster for 'Too close for missiles, switching to.... RUN!!!!!!'

However, I love a bad pun so in reverse order:

3rd Kiltrash with 'You know your in (t)rouble when the Autopilot bales out'
2nd Treaders with 'We are over Sweden? I'm not Putin up with this Special Operation https://www.pprune.org/images/smilies/censored.gif anymore - tell 'em I got Stockholm Syndrome...'

But the winner (once again) of the CST for a Звезда pun is Nutty with 'Cyrillic Bang and the stain is on…..' CST will be delivered by Martin Baker due to sanctions preventing Zvezda fulfilling the contract.

Update 051426A mar 2022 - I have PM'd NutLoose

[NutLoose]

Thank you, Open house for low count people :E

Don't get all excited Buster, I am not referring to your sperm count :p

[CAEBr]

Try this one then -

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1834x1272/image_dda483f5da15602bb3041a19e0b75d2c5273fb70.jpg

[NutLoose]

I’ll teach the bastard to say he didn’t like my sticky toffee pudding..

[NutLoose]

Who needs an apple corer when you’ve got one of these puppies…

[Ascend Charlie]

"I'll just hide behind the fridge to see who the person is who uses my dairy-free-gluten-free-low-calorie-no-taste soy milk."

[Hydromet]

I've asked next door nicely to keep their cat out of my garden, but would they listen?

[Chu Chu]

My mother-in-law bought a Kalashnikov, but two can play that game!

[cynicalint]

I hate it when my trigger finger gets cramp!

[cynicalint]

If that meter reader dares to come near my meter again...

[Chu Chu]

And I can tell at sight a Zbroyar rifle from a Javelin.

[NutLoose]

Ohhh cool, Jehovah’s Witnesses coming down my drive, I needed some practice…

[NutLoose]

Just put that parking ticket on my car, I dare you…

[NutLoose]

I could shoot the c*ck off a gnat at 1000 yds, but that nosey cow at No 9 will have to do.


..

[NutLoose]

Right I’ve got my food processor out, now where’s that bloody noisy cockerel?

[Ascend Charlie]

I thought I bought a Humber Super Snipe off EBay, but the bloody auto-correct sent me an Umbra Super Sniper. No worries, once I work out how to use it, that rotten Fedex dude will be the first to go.

[treadigraph]

[Attenborough] Spring, and the first mosquitoes of the year are in for a bit of a surprise...

[Kiltrash]

Twas the night before Election day, and all through Wycombe the candidates made a last ditch push to get Mrs Higginbothams promise to vote for Boris

( I was gonna put Croydon but that would be a bit near the mark )

[Kiltrash]

If he substitutes Baked Beans once more....

[Kiltrash]

Right Sun's up so the Andrew will come crawling back to me and his 6 kids

[Kiltrash]

The next Jan Bond upgrades from a Walter PPK...to something with a bit more stopping power

[Kiltrash]

This should get me to the front of the security queue at Manchester Airport

[Hydromet]

Bloody porch pirates are bad around here.

[treadigraph]

Croydon residents threaten a fate worse than kilt rash to their detractors...

...before going out in their John Deere tractors to do a bit of tank hunting...

[Kiltrash]

In Kiev Mrs Volodamire bravely stays to defend her home town in the Voluntary Force, while her Husband, ' Cluck Cluck ' volunteers to take the neighbours children to the West

[Kiltrash]

While renovating her house in Aldershot, Mrs H Jones was almost suprised what she found hidden in the wall

[treadigraph]

That's the last time that red red robin comes bob bob bobbing around here... and I must do something ab-bout my st-utter...

[622]

"For God's sake Margaret, just let the squirrel take a few of the nuts from the bird table!"

[Kiltrash]

No you can't bloody well come in to fit a Smart Meter, you and your variable pricing structure

[treadigraph]

Mrs Craddock was not amused by her B&B guests who were late for breakfast...

[treadigraph]

Fawlty Towers - the final episode that was never aired...

[622]

Voices from the Garden "Well Susan, I think your parents liked me and I'm sure your mum appreciated my comments about her cooking!"

[SLXOwft]

If another chuffin' Tory comes canvassin' 'ere in Ossett for t' May elections, yon wall 'll be red wi' 'is blood tha'nos.

[622]

Mrs Miggins was not happy when she saw the Trip Advisor rating the departing guests gave her B&B

[Kiltrash]

Yea i'll give you a quickie.... How fast do you want the divorce
or
Mrs Miggins looked forward to be comming a divorcee / widow

[Kiltrash]

Having left the Deep South of the good 'ol US of A Mrs Schultz found it hard to stop old habits when she moved to Bradford

[Kiltrash]

The BBC ' Garden Makeover' crew found it hard to stop redoing Mrs Miggins front garden lawn and bush

[treadigraph]

Three pairs of her best bloomers had disappeared from the washing line. She was ready...

[cavuman1]

She keeps a tank in the living room and an aircraft carrier in her swimming pool.

- Ed

[MPN11]

Yet another example of the UK’s failure to sell the SA80 system to foreign countries.

[Kiltrash]

With the 8 th Airforce stationed in East Anglia, and her husband being away at Normandy Mrs Miggins was determined to protect her 16 year old daughter's virginity..



​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

Open two three
Bang two three
Close two three...

cr Dad's Army and Jonsey's butchers van

[Kiltrash]

Thr MP for Leeds eagerly awaited her
#Homesforrefugees paying guests and hope that they have a long stay

[Finningley Boy]

If he forgets the frozen Fish Fingers again I'm going to introduce him to my li'l friend!

FB

[Wensleydale]

And finally, Gardeners' World comes up with a solution to cats digging in your flower beds......

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Getting the Amazon drone deliveries through to anyone in Hardcastle Lane made raiding Ploesti seem a walk in the park.

[ShyTorque]

“When I said I wanted a woman’s magazine, I wasn’t after no reading material!”

[Kiltrash]

OK that's the photo opportunity done so hand back the gun ( with blanks ) and get back to cooking your man's dinner. He will be back from the pub in a couple of hours...

[Kiltrash]

Well ma President told me to assault the Capitol. So what have I done wrong??

[Kiltrash]

That Red Kite ain't gonna get my baby Robin this year...

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1834x1272/image_dda483f5da15602bb3041a19e0b75d2c5273fb70.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Why do I need the silencer??
Well don't want to wake the baby taken me 3 hours to settle her....
or
I have PMT want to make something of it??
or
My husband hopes I will get through the Menopause before I do anything silly

[Kiltrash]

( Bottom right corner...)
That's my plan for a ricochet shot round the corner...said Mrs O'Sullivan

[treadigraph]

When questioned by police, Mrs Gotti (52) said "I ice a lotta fruitcakes for my husband..."

[SASless]

Slasher's Hind End weren't gonna hold Shucks when Marge got through with him!

[Kiltrash]

Fed up with Subaru* drivers exceeding the local speed limits, the Speedwatch team up the punishment

* other fast boy racer saloons are available

[CAEBr]

Will judge this tomorrow evening, giving a fresh start for the weekend.

CAEBr

[NutLoose]

Pissed again, I’ll teach him for spending my house keeping on getting the next round in, now it’s my turn to get a round in…

[NutLoose]

Cyrillic bang and the Ukraine has won.

[Kiltrash]

You want to discuss my Non Dom Tax affairs??
Don't you know who my husband is? ?...

Arthur Read the 15th

[Kiltrash]

Sky Reporter in full combat gear....Olga, are you not scared of the shooting, rapeing and pillaging the Russian troops are doing to Civilians?
Olga....Neyt
Translator...Olga says she has engraved her name on a bullet and put it in her rifle and as she won't fire it she is safe. However the Rapeing and Pillaging at her age would be a nice distraction

[Kiltrash]

and finally
My, Annie has not aged well

[treadigraph]

Let me see, make up, hair done, dressed to kill... and here's my taxi to take me to the WI meeting...

[622]

Introducing the new LGBT Action man....complete with gripping hands, moving eyes ....and a lovely blouse and skirt collection!

[j4leaphill]

"And you would like a shot of what in your latte"?

[Ascend Charlie]

Kim Kardashian refuses to let the camera crew in until the hairdresser, makeup artist and corset fitter can tend to her first.

[treadigraph]

One Flew Over the Carbine's Nest...