Caption Competition Mk III

[ShyTorque]

"Well, ATC weren't joking when the they said the runway was flooded. But look, being a pilot, I can walk on water!"

[Chu Chu]

I don't know what happened. Everything seemed fine in the flare, but then the wheels came off.

[MPN11]

And so it was that Spaz Sinbad transferred to the RAN.

[Kiltrash]

Pilot walks off concerned that bad news usually come in threes, flooded runway, gear up landing, what could go wrong nex. ....
just as a Morris Marina fell on him from a passing Chinook

[Kiltrash]

Thank god we didn't go for tbe Nuclear Capable option....

[Kiltrash]

At least when the RN dropped their brand new shiny jet in the oggin we don't need a giant fish hook to get it back

[Kiltrash]

Austrailian Ministry of Defence decree that with immediate effect, Divining Rods are to be included in Pilots Personal Equipment prior to operating in Monsoon Season

[Kiltrash]

Some tw@t left the fire hose on from the previous caption above and we had ' leakage '

[Chu Chu]

Putting Hoskins in charge of hydroplaning tests turned out to be a mistake.

[fitliker]

Having perfected the gear up landing technique , they are greasing the runway for the gear up departure tests , stand well back anything can happen in the next thirty minutes .

[fitliker]

Instinctively, you know when you land gear up . It takes full power to taxi in .

[treadigraph]

Hoskins equals the World Low Flying Record - again.

[Kiltrash]

...and that's why every patch of wet cement has Kilroy Hoskins was 'ere

[Kiltrash]

Lewis regretted not pitting for Full Wets when Max was called in

[Kiltrash]

First trials of the Fly by Wire drone did not go fully according to plan when it was found range of the remote control was limited to 1000 meters on a 1500 meter runway.

[cynicalint]

I wish the contract had specified undercarriage!

[cynicalint]

If I stand just here, I can get roasted by the jet efflux rather than the Wingco!

[Kiltrash]

Why is there never a crew jeep at dispersal...??
This is the M55 still under construction you landed on...

[Self loading bear]

You can just see the wannabe Luke Skywalker X-wing pilot walking off into the sunset with a big cross through his wings, wanting to be in the sky again with some more Luke luck.

[Chu Chu]

Just because the follow me truck drove into a pond . . .

[Wensleydale]

...and the JO pilot was promoted after this: he got his scraper after all.

[ORAC]

Reminds me of the piles of wartime underwing tanks piled up in rotting crates around the peri track at Leuchars.

When asked by visitors what they were I’d explain that they were floats and, in the event of the runway being heavily cratered, we’d flood the airfield, fit the floats, and keep the F4s operational as flying boats….

Oh! A caption…

”Right, a couple more inches of water and I reckon you can be on your way mate!”

[Chu Chu]

When I said "may the runway rise up to meet you," I really thought it would stop at the tires.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The crew chief is USAF on detachment from Los Angeles. Apparently he's fitted some kit that when you taxy it around, you can make it jump up and down.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

I read the pavement wasn't rated for the tyre pressures, so I thought...

[Kiltrash]

In an attempt to show in a War situation the aircraft could use public roads perhaps it was a bad choice to use the B4069 at Lyneham. ..

[Kiltrash]

The Base Golf Course found a novel use for the water hazard

[Ascend Charlie]

OK, Tullamarine wants its runway back, and the Frogs are amazed that anybody can survive a gutser in a Mirage.

The closest to the truth was 622 with

Fireman "Ere Sir....you've left your canopy open a bit"
Pilot "If you knew what I had left in there after that landing....you would do the same"

The trophy will be on its way, as soon as they jack the aircraft up and get it out of the storage in the rocket bay underneath.

[622]

Thank you very much AC. In these difficult times, lets avoid the military pics and stick to some good old Royal Family related captions.....

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/590x350/camilla_royal_news_royal_family_coronavirus_1250906_ded0cbd1 eecc33cd69f4f8917655923338ff7d5e.jpg

Fill your boots....

[MPN11]

“I suggest you wait a few minutes, young man ,,, “

[NutLoose]

Well we've blasted monkeys into space, so what does the odd Royal matter..

[NutLoose]

The SUN:
Breaking news:

The hideous creature lurking in the Daleks is revealed

[622]

“I suggest you wait a few minutes, young man ,,, “

MPN11 ....not a chance with one as predictable as that! :E

[NutLoose]

It's small and extremely tight inside, you'll like this Andrew.

[Buster Hyman]

Roscosmos were aghast when the Soyuz got back from the ISS!

[Buster Hyman]

"It's fine Charles, just come in sideways"

[Buster Hyman]

The perfect suppository for your Parker Bowels...

[Buster Hyman]

"I'll choose Door number 3.....*****!"

[cavuman1]

In the second remake of The Fly, a creature too horrible to describe emerges from the teleporter pod.

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Have you seen my Emu??

[NutLoose]

Can you come back tomorrow?, we're having the spikes made for the door.

[NutLoose]

Don't worry, the Navy say they have fired larger projectiles than this before.

[Kiltrash]

Doctor no 14 makes a surprisingly low key entry
or
Its bigger on the inside....

[Kiltrash]

The door on the Monolith 2001 opens and reports
" its full of Stars. ."

[Kiltrash]

During early transporter experiments, Scotty reports " What we got back did not live long "

[treadigraph]

The presenter of a reborn series of "This is Your Life" was indeed a surprise!

[Kiltrash]

The Trident Warhead Guidance System is finally revealed.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/590x350/camilla_royal_news_royal_family_coronavirus_1250906_ded0cbd1 eecc33cd69f4f8917655923338ff7d5e_eeddd978c8bdfda3a87b5463178 adc191d98c21d.jpg

[Self loading bear]

Who said that Turkish steam bathing is good against wrinkles and aging skin?

or

Parker Bowles inaugurates the first walk-in steam cleaning shop.
Clothes are perfectly clean and ironed but skin wrinkling appears still to be an issue

[treadigraph]

Time machine? No silly, it's my hair dryer! Had it for absolutely yonks. They made things properly when I was a gel!

[ShyTorque]

“Now we threaten to launch her into Moscow and Putin will surely surrender!”

[Sue Vêtements]

So this bloke from the countryside goes into the city with his son and enters a department store where he sees for the very first time in his life, a lift to the upper floors. He watches with interest as a wrinkled old crone gets in and the doors shut behind her then not more than a minute later the doors open and out steps a beautiful young lass in a mini skirt. He turns round to his son and says "Quick ... fetch your mother"

[Ascend Charlie]

"Could you hurry up in the Portaloo please? His Regal Uppitiness has a monster to dump and it's already Prairie Dogging!"

[Kiltrash]

Your Husband is greatfull to you for taking part in the new Mad Cow Issolation Chamber. Now stay in there till your cured..

[treadigraph]

Cowbunker for a much loved friend? No, that's not quite what Charles said...

[Kiltrash]

Thank you, at my age I never pass by a toilet opportunity, that's so much better..
Sorry that's not a toilet, it's the Reactor Chamber for HMS Astute your visiting...Remember?

[treadigraph]

Charles got it for me. Whenever Nicholas Witchell appears, I can hide in it till he goes away.

[Chu Chu]

Obviously pre-13th-Century -- the round arch is a dead giveaway.

[Chu Chu]

Nice bell, ugly clapper.

[Wensleydale]

Having had to sell his villa in Italy, the Wales' are shown round Andrew's replacement accommodation.

[Self loading bear]

This is by all means a bitter pill to swallow.

[Kiltrash]

Ryanair launch the one person penispit to rapturous applause. This way we get another 15 seats on the aircraft said Mr O'Leary...

[Kiltrash]

Bae reveal the new all British Weather Radar, " Well dear it might rain later "

[Kiltrash]

Yes i'll take it young man, Can you deliver it to storage at Westminster Abbey for my Funeral.
Charles wants all arrangements made before you put the price up...

[NutLoose]

It's a faraday cage, so no one can hear Charles telling you he'd like to be your sanitary towel.



..

[cynicalint]

Charles, it shrunk me, but made you bigger!

[Chu Chu]

No Maam, we'd never use these to lock up prisoners of war.

That wasn't what I meant by "PoW."

[Kiltrash]

Flunky speaking with Camilla, Your Husbands asking what's for dinner??
or
Get used to it, when he's King, you need to be always 2 meters behind him
or
You'll never replace Diana, so get back in the cupboard...

[Kiltrash]

Prototype one person bomb shelter proudly shown to Royalty for instant dispatch to Ukraine. Yes we can stack them together to save transit space. ..said the MD of GB Plc...

[cavuman1]

The crowd whistles and applauds wildly as Merlin the Magician waves his wand over the stew pot and out walks an 'orse!

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Please beam her up Scotty.

[NutLoose]

The Queen told me to thank you and your husband for Covid and to put you in isolation for 10 days.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Ma'am, this is the British Cyrogenetics Chamber where the Astronaut spend 3 years asleep on the trip to Mars
3 years? The Americans are going to do it in 6 months...
Ah yes but we're going at night as we havn't quite solved Capsule Cooling

[Kiltrash]

Camilla is revived from Stasis. .." Is Queen still at No 1?? " ( Bohemian Rhapsody )

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Ma'am but due to Covid the Changing Rooms are currently closed
or
Security here, I think you took 4 items in with you but your only handing back 1 item...Can you please come with me to the Managers office..

[Kiltrash]

The Christmas Camilla Barbie doll is shown at London Toy Fair....Guaranteed to scare the sh!t out of any bad children...

[Kiltrash]

Shock as the last of the Chilean Miners were rescued from the cavern

[Kiltrash]

Charles bought this for me, calls it his dogs house.

[622]

Slowing down a bit....so judging in 24 hours or so!

[Kiltrash]

The Passport photo booth is slimmed down, to deter any photographic Hanky Panky

[NutLoose]

Netflix previews their new upcoming show..The Mummy

[Kiltrash]

You won't belive what 622 wrote about you darling in here, I think you may need to re activate the Tower of London cells...and no he's defiantly wrong ...😊

[Kiltrash]

The (in) famous Bitch in the Box is finally revealed
( in case anyone does not know what that is its the female that gives wrong directions on your Sat Nav..)

[fitliker]

Yer out of bog roll and it’s just mingin in there fella , must have been the previous occupant as my ablutions are pure devine ya ken .

[NutLoose]

Yes this should do, a portable tower appears to be the solution, I shall have to chat to my husband, but I would like to order a pair, can you deliver them to California?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/590x350/image_64e1f8c16a80e17500270444454432e673b77ab8.jpeg

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

In an effort to stay relevant, the Royals sign up for a BBC spin off series "HRH Who".

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Well, we were going to launch a dog into space for the UK's first space shot, but then we thought...Nah, we like the dog.

[622]

Well, thanks all for the entries (and the special mention by Killtrash!)...
..most of them would see us locked up in the Tower, but I must make a decision to see who gets the penthouse suite there!

So the winner is:

Chu Chu with:

No Maam, we'd never use these to lock up prisoners of war.
That wasn't what I meant by "PoW."

Well done, I will have the trophy delivered by Beefeater when he next comes to check your shackles! :E

[Chu Chu]

Thank you very much, 622. The WiFi here in the Tower isn't anything to write home about, but I'll give this one a whirl:

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/218x231/mg_a7418260279b72c8117ef4d6139315d3d2b94112.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Little boy on right
No thanks I still want to be a Train Driver

[622]

For God's sake Hoskins ....its just a spider!

[ShyTorque]

CEASE FIRE! Thanks, it's just cleared my constipation.

[NutLoose]

hmmm so why has he got the bipod spread says the little boy.

[Kiltrash]

While everyone was engrossed in the action no one spotted Oliver moving silently through the crowd

[Kiltrash]

In WW1 Dick Dastardy's dad also had difficulty getting a stable bead on the pigeon

[Dan Gerous]

Schwing!!!

[fitliker]

The early prototype Berlin sex swing had a few drawbacks , some of the older soldiers took far too long to reload , while some of the younger ones would go off prematurely

[fitliker]

We have had no complaints from the Greek ladies regiment from the isle of Lesbos about the excessive vibrations on full auto , they have worn out twelve barrels last week , two on the outside .

[Ascend Charlie]

"Come on, Igor! That nuclear reactor is ENORMOUS and you still can't hit it!"

[NutLoose]

oww owww oww oww Owwww……. bloody hot cartridges

[Kiltrash]

Determined to win the Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics in the clay pigeon shooting, Fritz spots a small gap in the competition rules...

[Kiltrash]

...or The School Fete for popping water filled balloons ...

[Kiltrash]

When I asked for a Stabilised Gunsight I hoped for something a tad more mobile...

[Kiltrash]

Post procedure the Dentist was not satisfied till the patients fillings passed the ultimate test..

[NutLoose]

Shaking Steven’s the early years.

[NutLoose]

They’re my human shield

[Kiltrash]

Stand up lads it's the weekend, the RAF won't be over for 2 days....

[Kiltrash]

Later Herr Maxim reduced the manpower needed by adopting the PPRoNe Position
( see what I did there? Adapt prone to be close to the boards title...well I found it funny 😊 )

[Self loading bear]

For God's sake Hoskins ....its just a spider!

Nein Herr Klinkerhofen, das sind 34 Mauser!

[Chu Chu]

The rate of fire seems to be coming in at the low end of spec. So I'll call a cease fire at 0200, Mariupol time.

[Kiltrash]

It's no good, we need to surrender, no matter what we do we are still firing over their heads..

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/218x231/mg_a7418260279b72c8117ef4d6139315d3d2b94112.jpg

[Kiltrash]

So we have to wait till the belt runs out....?
No we only loaded 10 rounds ...
But I've fired 100 rounds??
Damm Metric numbers ....

[Kiltrash]

...and finally ( you'll be pleased to know...)
Kiltrash disposes of all his opponents for the Cap Comp ...guaranteed to win...

[cavuman1]

It was obvious that the first prototype of the 50mm Scrote Gun needed a different mounting method of the recoil counterweight.

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

Thanks to all the entrants for doing so well with an image I pulled rather hastily. (I originally planned to use something from the trove of WWII Red Army photos Nutloose clued us into a few months ago. But the heroic style strikes a somewhat different chord these days . . .)

Luckily, Ascend Charlie provided an antidote, taking third place with: "Come on, Igor! That nuclear reactor is ENORMOUS and you still can't hit it!"

In second is 622, with "For God's sake Hoskins ....its just a spider!." (Mine would have been along vaguely similar lines -- It was well known in the regiment: When VonHoskins was behind an MG, there was only one safe place.)

And if only by sheer weight of fire, Kiltrash was bound to win, taking the trophy with: "While everyone was engrossed in the action no one spotted Oliver moving silently through the crowd."

Congratulations, Kiltrash! I'll deliver the trophy as soon as 622 strikes off my shackles.

[Kiltrash]

Many thanks Chu Chu. All see what you can make of this meeting that never took place. We need to send someone to the Tower to free the incarcerated one...
https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x900/1056_e547ae056c930aa693fee0124285e06599c22498.jpg

[Ascend Charlie]

I will win this capcomp, no sweat!

[Hydromet]

I'm just slipping out for a pizza.

[DogTailRed2]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x400/1629533823_673369fbed3c7d8fb5c7a4a1621f211b9d8a1a72.jpeg
Private Shultz made the `classic` error when he signalled "Drei beer"

[treadigraph]

Do you know Woking at all?

[Buster Hyman]

"I have no recollection of that woman, but I do recall that other photo being used a long time ago..."

[Buster Hyman]

"Bang, Bang Maxwells silver hammer chips at, the Prison wall..."

[Buster Hyman]

Stick with me Sweetie & one day, you'll be rich!

[Dan Gerous]

...and while mother was in bed with covid 19, I was in bed with Chloe, 15.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x450/1056_e547ae056c930aa693fee0124285e06599c22498.jpg

[treadigraph]

One day my Prince will come... then I'll sue him!

[cavuman1]

I did not have sex with that woman! Oh, wait....

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

I don't see what everyone's so excited about. It's not like I broke the coronavirus regulations.

[Chu Chu]

I was never there. The hand was photoshopped in. And anyway, she was totally cool being held that way.

[Self loading bear]

I had my eyes on Ghislaine but the initial investment was higher.
In hindsight I should have looked at the total cost of ownership

[cynicalint]

I'm sure I didn't ask for some Virginia!

[Ascend Charlie]

I didn't do it
Nobody saw me
You can't prove a thing.

(The Bart Simpson Defence)

Or, he could use The Streaker's Defence: "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

[NutLoose]

Hey how about back to my place for a pizza?

[NutLoose]

Extortionate Inflation = 11 years, 1 pair of knickers now 12 million knicker.

[622]

After taking the film to Snappy Snaps.....the camera owner just hoped that soon her 'prints' would come!

(OK, it works better when you say it!)

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

A picture together? Sure, why not? I don't normally do that sort of thing, but hang it, what harm can come of it, eh?

[treadigraph]

Really? You've seen all my films? Errr... do you know who I am?

[Wensleydale]

"Today, Cilla, I'm picking contestant number two".

[Dan Gerous]

That's a lovely pose Ginny.
Just checking I still have my wallet.

[treadigraph]

Meet my mother? Um, I'm not sure that's such a good idea...

[Chu Chu]

"It's a obvious sixteen . . . no . . . sexteen . . . no . . . Sexton Blake"

[NutLoose]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/600x450/1056_e547ae056c930aa693fee0124285e06599c22498_4cba6f15e9ca69 2b7443ee764b5012caef4a4f56.jpg

[NutLoose]

I used to date redheads, but i've learnt my lesson from that debacle.

[NutLoose]

I bet you do not know, Ghislaine has a bit of a fetish for handcuffs.

[NutLoose]

So when the payment is made, will I be able to hang a Royal crest above my front door like Harrods, By Appointement to Her Majesty the Queen purveyor of High Class Hookers?

[Wensleydale]

"Have you been to Whores Guards' Parade?"

[fitliker]

The maxim if it floats flies or fcuks it is cheaper to rent has just been proven wrong by that rental unit .

[Buster Hyman]

Did I mention I was a Pilot?

[fitliker]

You girls game for Rock Paper Scissors ?

[Kiltrash]

Not a Caption..
Last orders gonna call Tuesday am GMT when I have my Full Scottish Breakfast 😊

[Dan Gerous]

Right babe, you, me and Ghissy, all round to Kiltrash's for breakfast.

[Kiltrash]

Captions NOT to be entered..

OK dear no more please, The Juries out to make its decision
Or
If only we had waited a week or two to make the announcement, no one would have noticed..

[Kiltrash]

The Sreaker's Defence wins it for Ascend Charlie by a nose, ,( Admit it chaps after a few beers we have all done things not proud off.. Hmm could be a title for a forthcoming thread, ]..)


Or, he could use The Streaker's Defence: "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

and in a close runner up we have Wensleydale with...
"Have you been to Whores Guards' Parade?"

Well done Sir (or Madam ) you have won the Trophy, will bring it over after Breakfast...

[Ascend Charlie]

Cheers Kilty, here's an oldie:
https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1219x1630/old_raaf_9d88c58981fedec73d6f4e6c7ca444a33b065c55.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Aren't Meteors supposed to go the other way?

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins! You blithering idiot! Release the tow cables!!!

[Buster Hyman]

"Okay chaps. Now, this is called a stall..."

[Buster Hyman]

A little early on the roundout there Hoskins...

[Hydromet]

You almost have the vertical dive sorted, Hoskins. Just one little thing...

[Kiltrash]

After the Meteor strike, the World's turned on its axis

[Kiltrash]

...and roll out at the top and speed away from the Atomic blast...
Ps and kiss your ass goodbye...

[Kiltrash]

Harrier and Lightning 11?? .. Pah such a faff with VTOL

[Self loading bear]

Now layback and relax
(until the Airspeed becomes negative)

[treadigraph]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1219x1630/old_raaf_9d88c58981fedec73d6f4e6c7ca444a33b065c55.jpg

[treadigraph]

I thought that if I was based at Woomera at least they'd give me a bloody rocket!

[treadigraph]

Those magnificent men in their flying machines, they go up tiddly up up... STALL STALL STALL! They go down tiddly down down...

[treadigraph]

Jeez Skipper, my gyros have toppled....

[Kiltrash]

Too close for missle, switching to guns

[Kiltrash]

The Ukrainian Air Force searched museums for Hunters, but this all they found.
The Rushkie Migs could not fly slow enough so they got '15's from their museum

[Kiltrash]

The Australian Air Force started their own ' Top Gun ' school But had the same big head problems with Bruce, Bonzer and Skippy

[622]

Pilot in lead A/C "Well that move should have lost them, I'll just bunt over to see where they are!"

[NutLoose]

Ryanair please be aware we have slow moving traffic at your 12 oclock position 1000 feet below you.

[NutLoose]

Damn, they're pulling away from me, better ditch the pies..

[NutLoose]

Formation tailslides were a tricky manoeuver

[Chu Chu]

Despite scrambling fighter jets to investigate, the met service was never able to fully explain the vertical stratus formation.

[Buster Hyman]

So long, and thanks for all the Fish!

[cavuman1]

Slipping the surly bonds of Earth was easy enough. It was putting out hands and touching the face of God before flaming out that was more difficult.

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

On the intercom..." Skip, knew I should not have had that extra helping of Tripe for breakfast
or
What do you mean You have control? Your in a single seater

​​​​​

[Kiltrash]

Bruce and Ally Hoskins religiously obeyed the flight leaders instructions, their joint funeral is next Wednesday, Bring your own Booze

[Kiltrash]

In Gullivers bedroom, the mobile was hanging off the light fitting, you can hardly see the supporting wires

[cynicalint]

For immediate sale, 1 set of 3 lawn darts, as yet unused.

[SLXOwft]

There should have been four but the other Bruce was still stuck in the sheep dip.

[Chu Chu]

It's a "Shooting Star," not a "Star Shooter." And anyway, these are Meteors.

[SLXOwft]

The teams' control inputs were so gentle they were nicknamed the Meatbox Floaters.

[safetypee]

‘Straight and Level’ Line astern

It’s the world that’s on its side.

[Kiltrash]

Autorotate from Portrait to Landscape was a failure after the latest update on Ascend Charlies phone....move along please, nothing to see here..

[Kiltrash]

Ascend Charlie and his parents out for a Sunday drive

[Kiltrash]

In flight tests Miss Shillings Orifice proves a total success

[Dan Gerous]

"Well did you enjoy the welcome party as our new exchange pilot last night Ginge"?

"Yes old chap, it was rather jolly and do you know what, that Correolis chap was right. My head is spinning the other way".

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1219x1630/old_raaf_9d88c58981fedec73d6f4e6c7ca444a33b065c55.jpg

[Self loading bear]

“What are these for magnificent engines and what are they running on to sing their beautiful song?”

Nene Sherry

[fitliker]

Too close for guns , switching to handbags sporrans and dirks

[fitliker]

Sadly the formation tailslide was never included at the air shows due to the unpredictable nature of the break at peak , damn left footers

[Ascend Charlie]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1571x729/old_raaf_5dfb7997f887c03acac79b0a85796e59a5950a56.jpg
"Well, that proves it, the Earth really IS flat, and we just flew off the edge!"

[Kiltrash]

Wow that was exciting, flying fast and low through the snow covered peaks of the Mach Loop, anyone else see the surprised look on that goat??

[Kiltrash]

Skip, if our Service Ceiling is 26000' why can I see Mt Everest at my 7 o' clock??

[NutLoose]

To infinity and beyond...

[NutLoose]

I'm sure the GPS is screwed up, it's saying Leconfield is straight ahead.

[NutLoose]

I say, No2 have you forgot to remove the gun groundlock pin and flag?

[NutLoose]

I thought meteors are normally seen traversing across the heavenly sky?

[treadigraph]

So much for cutting edge technology, Skipper - there's some bloke keeping up with us on our starboard side in a Tiger Moth - and he's got an old geezer with a Box Brownie leaning out in the breeze and taking snaps of us!

[Ascend Charlie]

Here come de Judge, here come de judge...

Well spotted Nutty!

I say, No2 have you forgot to remove the gun groundlock pin and flag?

When they come back from Earth orbit, the trophy will be taken down, uprooted, transplanted in Trafalgar Square and used as evidence in his court martial.

[NutLoose]

Have I won? If so OPEN HOUSE.. first come first served :)

[Kiltrash]

I thought that was a smudge on the print from no2 but was trying to think of something funny to say that the Pilot came over all excited....that would not have me up in the court of innuendo 😂
...well done Nutty ...

[SLXOwft]

As no other takers yet put your boots into this one ...
https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1000/camproutines_834f55196e3830d640dc0faea5b76b7c3b68c233.jpg

[treadigraph]

Trust me, this is way more pleasant than Butlins, Minehead!

[NutLoose]

Have you hung your socks by the paraffin stove and left a carrot and mince pie out?

[NutLoose]

Well that's the Christmas tree up, have you seen the fairy lights?

[NutLoose]

Well that's the Christmas tree up, have you seen the fairy for the top of it?

I thought Prince Edward had left the Marines?.

[NutLoose]

When do we get our coloured armbands?

[NutLoose]

I'm sorry we're right out of Blue or Yellow armbands, but I 'ad a word wiff Smithers in stores and he has managed to sort us out some White or Red ones.

[Chu Chu]

Sorry, Sir, but Stores was out of camouflage over-trousers.

That's okay, son. We'll be up to our waists in snow anyway.

[Chu Chu]

I'm not allowed to tell you where we're going next, but the flag is blue and yellow.

[Kiltrash]

Bit of a problem with Dandruff??

[Kiltrash]

Don't it ever get dark here? need my sleep

[Kiltrash]

Knew it was a mistake to let Nutty do the travel plans, to keep me off Cap Comp, muttered Kiltrash

[Kiltrash]

...and ( obviously ) just going outside, I might be some time

[cynicalint]

I'm sure the ship was just here last night!

[treadigraph]

I don't think this Croydon anymore, Toto...

[Kiltrash]

Storms off as Harry, in the middle, has a wazz
or
OK Whose turn is it in the barrel??
or
I'm off to find these Brass Monkeys...

[M609]

The pitching of the tents was going like Clockwork until Royal realized he forgot the Christmas tree decorations.

[Chu Chu]

Are you sure we're above the arctic circle? I dug down as far as I could, and still didn't see it.

[NutLoose]

Well I’ve looked all over and I’m buggered if I can find the pole.

[NutLoose]

See the world they said, shovelling sand in Iraq, shovelling soil on the plain, Shovelling snow in Norway and now I find I’m on bloody Latrine duty, so I will be shovelling sh*t….

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1000/image_50f21f62a35f9aab2c496ecea5a7884cea7cb5d1.jpeg

[Kiltrash]

Don't know who was more surprised, The troop Captain, or the Captain of Red October when he surfaced through the ice..

[Kiltrash]

Don't normally expect snow in Hawaiii but after what happened in Ukraine in 2022, Nuclear Winter set in 2024.....

[ShyTorque]

“If you’d had all your COVID jabs we could have gone to Tenerife!”

[Ascend Charlie]

Evidence of the spread of the Pharaohs' influence was found when they unearthed (or unsnowed) two pyramids in Lapland.

[treadigraph]

He's doing what in there with a moose?

[cynicalint]

My nappy's falling down!

[fitliker]

I did not want to disclose that I did not know what a wazzoo was when they said “ Snow right up to your wazzoo “
To tell the truth I still don’t know my wazzoo from my elbow

[Self loading bear]

Mobilizing only half prepared made the platoon sh!t their pants.
And that canceled the first half of the preparation!

[fitliker]

The desert drys your sweat so fast you look dry even when losing five litres a day .
This place is so cold it is almost impossible to sweat unless you are shown pictures of girls you have never met and have absolutely no recollections of giving it the naughty nautical biffo Schtick

[622]

Soldier walking away “Global warming……my ar*e!”

[cynicalint]

To chap on extreme left:-
"I told you twice before, if you complain about the cold again, I would turn your c0ck into a big shovel!"

[Chu Chu]

Now we know what hell feels like when it freezes over. At least our relief will be here soon -- look for two Blackhawks in close formation.

[NutLoose]

The bags have turned up, but they’re D Troops and are full of their Tropical kit, it appears they have our Arctic kit in the Sudan.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x1000/image_62e6abdf711f81d9635254953542dd1f8c931d9f.jpeg

[NutLoose]

We’re posted in to help the Norwegian military in Hoth hold the line against the AT-AT’s

[NutLoose]

I told you not to overdo the Regaine, you were supposed to be growing a bushy growth on top of your head, not a bloody tree.

[NutLoose]

I’m off to make yellow snow.

[Kiltrash]

The Weather presenter regretted complaing that due to Lockdown he had not been allowed to do outside broadcasts .... ( pity, the Producer had found him sha@@ing his wife )

[Kiltrash]

Sir Ranulph, the early years

[Kiltrash]

Did I turn the iron off??

[Kiltrash]

Having failed to secure the Huskys properly, the next morning Cpl Hoskins is sent to find 'em, with the Captains words of encouragement ringing in his ears #/!&"$*"@,? $-

[NutLoose]

These things fit like Nora Batty's stockings.

[NutLoose]

I see your problem, I'm wearing a set of my missus's suspenders to hold mine up.

[622]

"Sarge ...Its cold and boring, I thought you told us we would be really busy all the time...."
"No, I said it would be in tents!"

[622]

With Rations dwindling, Pvt Oates decided to try and find a shop.....what's the worst that could happen he thought!