Caption Competition Mk III

[fdr]

Damned superglue....

[Confusious]

"Excuse me one second chaps, I have a NutLoose"

[Kiltrash]

Think I've busted my Hyman

[Kiltrash]

Ouch...thinki have found my broken contact lens

[Confusious]

"Perhaps it's prosthetic?"

"Funny that, my missus says the same thing."

[fitliker]

He has been doing one armed press ups since he left the other arm on the barbed wire trying to get out of the barracks for a pint

[Kiltrash]

Even at the age of 69 Hank was still showing the young upstarts just what 50 years of alcohol abuse and smoking 20 Woodbines a day gives you....

[Kiltrash]

At Madam Tussauds the new display of Ukrainian Bordar Guards gets ready as Russian Troops approach, however did not notice the T34 aproaching from the rear...

[Kiltrash]

Hank limbers up for the new ITVx series...Love Island ( pensioners)

[NutLoose]

Getting down and giving you 20 isn’t the problem, it’s the getting back up.

[NutLoose]

I can only do one handed press ups, I need my other hand to hold my hip joint in its socket.

[Confusious]

Hank's ability to count to one hundred in sync with his press-ups was somewhat disjointed in front of the blind onlookers.

[Chu Chu]

I'm NATO, my right arm is Finland, and my left arm is Sweden.

Who are you callin' a turkey?

[Chu Chu]

I said I'd give my right arm for an early promotion. Trust Hoskins to get 'em mixed up.

[Chu Chu]

Hank's school days were long behind him, but he would never forget von Schlieffen's dying words.

[Ninthace]

No sir, it is not your imagination, there is indeed a slight slope on the floor.

[ShyTorque]

“I schtill can’t find me top set ov teesh!”

[Kiltrash]

Regardless of the theatrics, the ref gave Hank a yellow card for diving....Flagon the play for the cousins across the pond

[Kiltrash]

Hold my beer and watch this...
or
Kiltrash never spills a drop when it's McEwans, no matter the trip hazards..

[Kiltrash]

Eddie the Eagle started his Olympic dream while still in the Military

[Kiltrash]

When Inspector Callaghan said " Assume the Position " upon entering the Returned Serviceman's club...

[Kiltrash]

When the cops demanded the criminal to lie on the floor and put their arms behind them, no one expected Arhuritus to give them any problems...

[Confusious]

Steve Martin found the remake of Sgt Bilko a challenge at 77.

[Chu Chu]

. . . 19 . . . 20

WTF, Hoskins. I've done lots more than that.

Sir, you said every second counts.

[Buster Hyman]

What really blew people away was the fact that Bert wasn’t putting any weight on his right hand…
Especially when they remembered his nickname was Tripod.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Uhhh Grandpa, that's not how they do basic training these days.......

[treadigraph]

Last call... judging in around 3 hours...

[Confusious]

"Sorry Sir, you have to remain as a still tripod for another three hours."

[Kiltrash]

Bloody 'ell...wish Treaders would hurry up and descide. How can he expect me to hold this position for hours, especially with my medical conditions..

[treadigraph]

Ok, bit earlier than promised... excellent selection to choose from but my winner is Chu Chu with:

"After breaking both arms in his last fall, Joe was taking no chances."​​​​​​​

Congratulations, Joe will bring the CST round personally, just as soon as he figures out how to get up...

[Chu Chu]

Thank you very much, Treadigraph.

Let's give this one a whirl. Ordinarily I'd apologize for the resolution, but it this case I'm -- well -- relieved.

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x629/patton2_f930ed60988610a8a11e051a2ddc075bac77ad35.jpg

[cavuman1]

Shake it more than once and you're playing with it!

- Ed

[Hydromet]

The intelligence officer was correct, it's just a piddling little creek.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Humpphhh! In Rrruzzzia we need TWO hands to hold it!"

[cynicalint]

Unexpected laughter, check flies.

[NutLoose]

Whipping it out was dodgy in the vicinity of the hands on the hips brigade

[Buster Hyman]

F#@* me! Bert can do it while doing pushups!

[Buster Hyman]

Battle of the Bulge's got nothing on this!

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, of course my helmet is secured. Why do you ask?

[Buster Hyman]

Geez! These Disney rides are getting more pathetic by the year!

[Ascend Charlie]

The guy behind me is standing like a sugar bowl, so I thought I'd get out my teapot.

[Big Pistons Forever]

The two things I have learned in this war was was never miss an opportunity to grab some shut eye or take a piss.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Well now that you mention it, that mortar near miss did scare me pissliss

[Buster Hyman]

Monty has his Swagger stick, McArthur has his Pipe, while I've got "Lil Elvis!"

[Kiltrash]

Ha... he's got his lenscap on

[Kiltrash]

Where's me Tena men when you need them..

[Kiltrash]

My what a great invention to bring to a outdoors picnic, said his wife

[Kiltrash]

These are just something's the orderly WONT do and the General has to do for himself...and this is not one off these things ...Cpl Klinger is just on his day off...

[treadigraph]

Yeah, you're right: Churchill was wrong - dead birds do fall out of nests...

[fdr]

"Sarge, we might need to dig a new latrine, this one seems to be overused... "

[Kiltrash]

At the annual Willy Waving contest, the Major thought he had better get in some practice

[Wensleydale]

Causing yet more controversy, Patton puts and end to the Rhein in Flammen Festival.

[Kiltrash]

What was that card game we played last night??
ah yes I remember..Bragg..

[Kiltrash]

20 seconds later he discovered the perils off the Zipper Fly...

[Kiltrash]

Later he was admonished for not washing his hands ...

Yes but when I was in the Air Force we were trained not to piss on our hands.

[Kiltrash]

I wouldn't do that sir...
Oh Why??
The Germans released Piranhas in this stretch, to slow our crossing sir...

[Confusious]

"Hooooskins!.......I told you on parade with shiny medals and helmet."

[Buster Hyman]

Adds a whole new meaning to Beating retreat!

[treadigraph]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x629/patton2_f930ed60988610a8a11e051a2ddc075bac77ad35.jpg

[NutLoose]

I said there's that Punt Sir!

[NutLoose]

You're going to need something biggger than that to stick in the dyke Sir, I'd suggest a finger, but be warned, she might like it.

[Buster Hyman]

"Wait for the Pontoons"? Pfft! I can just walk across it!

[NutLoose]

It is cold you know..

[NutLoose]

Wait and I will show you my Buster impersonation... there you go... A little pr$ck :p

[andytug]

"I was told that this is where all the big nobs hang out......"

[treadigraph]

Have you ever seen a white-eared elephant?

[Kiltrash]

Aaahhh that's better....said I wouldn't take a leek till we crossed the Rhine ...Didn't expect Panzer Gp West to put up such stiff opposition...

[Kiltrash]

Right now for the photo opportunity with a significant shaking of hands with General Zharkov....he is left handed isn't he??

[Kiltrash]

That's why there are no women in the Mans army

[Kiltrash]

General Sir, why are you wildling on the river, in full view off all the men, with a small todger.....
Cause there are no trees in the middle of a river...dolt...

[SLXOwft]

On reaching the Rhine Patton immediately resumed his p155ing contest with Montgomery.

[SLXOwft]

There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that old Blood and Guts ordered newly arrived officers to give him a pat on that.

[ShyTorque]

Action Man! Now with moving eyes and gripping hands. By Palitoy!

[treadigraph]

Aaargghhh! I've caught the end in my zipper!

[SLXOwft]

For once in his life Patton sought advice and asked which way the wind was blowing.

[Kiltrash]

Prince Albert...where??

[Kiltrash]

The General was caught short....when Monty called and asked was he in Berlin yet...

[Kiltrash]

...later all the fish downstream mysteriously died...

[Kiltrash]

...well if Thames water can discharge 20000 US Gallons a day of untreated sewage, whats a couple of extra dribbles ..

[Kiltrash]

MP looking away...move along, literally NOTHING to see here

[Kiltrash]

Urologists asked for a stool, semen and urine sample, Hoskins ... send them my underpants tonight...

[Kiltrash]

Gen Patton's biographer asked...Shall I include this episode??

[treadigraph]

People often remark on my resemblance to George C Scott. Did he piss in the river too?

[Kiltrash]

You realise Sir that all your men will have to wee in the river as they cross .
Yes, I do and remember don't exclude the female nurses...

[NutLoose]

Well that explains the pearl handled pistols Patton carries, a New Orleans pimp would have them to shoot his hoes that laughed at his small dick.

[NutLoose]

There see, it’s old blood and guts alright, he’s pissing bricks due to a dose of the clap..

[cynicalint]

Photographic evidence that not all Americans are always full of wind and piss! They often get rid of one or the other...

[cynicalint]

Sung to the Eton Boating song....

Patton went down to the water
Patton went down to the stream,
When Patton passed his water,
You couldn't see Paotton for steam

[cynicalint]

To the tune of 'Knees up Mother brown,,
,Piss pot on my head
Piss pot on my head
Into the river I must go
Pisspot on my head

If we catch you farting
We'll turn you upside down
So, Don't get your knees up
don't get the breeze up
Pisspot's on my head!

[cynicalint]

Putin! I can piss for longer, higher and further than you!

[Kiltrash]

Ever since then the mighty General was known to the troops as
" Wee Willy Winkle..' when the pictures were shown in Stars and Stripes

[Confusious]

"Oh not Dick Man Dyke again!"

[Chu Chu]

This seems to have slowed to a dribble, so I’ll plan to zip it up around midnight GMT.

[NutLoose]

No sir, I'm not taller than you, its just you're pissing in your boat.

[NutLoose]

Cock, hook and look.... Cpl, pass me that magnifying glass.

[NutLoose]

Sir, the new tanks are coming and the Brits have named it after you.

Patton? Old Blood and Guts?

No Sir, "Little Willie"

[Kiltrash]

Upon seeing this picture, Jacqueline Gold felt she had to offer the General one of her ( ahem) enhancements...free of charge, just for the publicity you understand ...

[Kiltrash]

Sunrise is VERY quick round here..

[NutLoose]

Prepare to cast off men when we have the asylum seekers onboard, next stop Eastbourne..

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/800x629/image_ce7efea23dff22ed683ebeb974787e269849679b.png

[NutLoose]

And if we start to lose to Oxford this year I will shoot their cox.

Meanwhile... over in Oxford

Have you seen the size of the Cambridges cox's, it's tiny, I will never be able to shoot it.

[MPN11]

“And tell my cook I want steak tonight … no fish.”

[Kiltrash]

Meanwhile in the pond in Eastbourne the reenactment of Patton crossing the Rhine was going well....till the schoolchildren wanted their rowing boats back..

[fitliker]

Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon , Patton was just marking territory like a good Boston Terrier .

[Chu Chu]

This is the first time I've judged a pixxing contest, and I have to say I hope it's the last. As usual, there are plenty of great entries, and I can only list a few.

Runners up, in no particular order:

Nutloose with: Sir, the new tanks are coming and the Brits have named it after you. Patton? Old Blood and Guts? No Sir, "Little Willie"

Kiltrash with: Sunrise is VERY quick round here..

MPN 11 with: “And tell my cook I want steak tonight … no fish.”

SLXOwft with: On reaching the Rhine Patton immediately resumed his p155ing contest with Montgomery.

In third place:

Fitliker with: Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon , Patton was just marking territory like a good Boston Terrier.

In second place:

SLXOwft with: For once in his life Patton sought advice and asked which way the wind was blowing.

And finally, taking gold:

Hydromet with: The intelligence officer was correct, it's just a piddling little creek.

I will dispatch the coveted CapComp trophy for its onward journey just as soon as the ball cock finishes its work.

[Hydromet]

Thanks ChuChu, personally, I liked SLXOwft and Nutty's entries.
Have a go at this one folks.


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1278x840/screenshot_2023_03_22_at_12_30_02_pm_74a7ccde8799c1e80dcc814 34b37f0804ced6988.png

[Ascend Charlie]

Achmed didn't like the way the troops were playing "Dead Ants."

[jolihokistix]

All set to the tune of the Nutcracker Suite.

[Buster Hyman]

“I don't care how hot the sand is on your back! Get down you infidel Dog!!!”

[Buster Hyman]

Well, one of us is firing blanks!

[Buster Hyman]

“…and, as you can see Gentlemen, this angle gives the bomb a lovely spread across any Plaza…”

[Kiltrash]

You think THIS is torture? You should try my Aunt Mable's Apple Pie.

[Kiltrash]

This is how we deal with Rats in the Desert....

[Kiltrash]

Oh the indignity of it all....being captured ...by the Italians , can I not write home to me mum is was the Afrika Corps...

[Kiltrash]

Harry later regretted mentioning just how many Taliban he had dispatched...so much easier from (redacted ) feet

[Kiltrash]

This is how the Met should deal with boy racers / Asylum Seekers ..dreams the Home Secretary

[Wensleydale]

The search continues for the next General Patton

[Wensleydale]

OFCOM investigates Saturday night's opening for Strictly Come Dancing.

[Wensleydale]

The Sadlers Wells Company rehearses a new production of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite.

[Wensleydale]

A change has been reported for the graduation ceremony of Metropolitan Police Officers.

[Chu Chu]

You like butts, huh?

[jolihokistix]

For a small extra tip, the recruiting officer will make sure you are not judged fit to be conscripted to the Russian front.

[NutLoose]

Disney Holidays
A suntan guarranteed or your money back.

[NutLoose]

You think this is torture, wait until you meet Shamima Begum

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1278x840/image_e708b34297469bfd1e2d256e9332c82911df3771.png

[NutLoose]

And that Ch Chu is for not knowing "Little Willie" was the name of the first Tank

[NutLoose]

IT'S COCK..hook and look... you won't forget it in a minute or so.

[cynicalint]

Look! We're bending over backwards to please you and you're still not happy!

[Buster Hyman]

Son of a Motherless Camel! That’s not how you spell YMCA!

[treadigraph]

Hey Sarge, I can see your house from here - I say, what's that your wife is doing with the Colonel?

[Kiltrash]

In the Circus, Hank wondered just how he drew the Great Dane in the ' Limbo Dance under a Squaddie' contest, and Bert drew the Pekingese...

[Kiltrash]

Buster gets Nutty EXACTLY where we wants him...

[Kiltrash]

Wow, tide sure went out quickly in the Synchronization Swimming contest....
Yes but the man with the AK??
Damm photo shop went wrong....again

[Kiltrash]

Unused scene showing just how Paddy hardened up L Troop

[Kiltrash]

Chief Whipp tries to encourage the rebels to vote FOR the Windsor Agreement

[NutLoose]

And we call this beating the retreat, none of those red jacket woosies in this army..

[cynicalint]

Your wife tells me you fire blanks - Show me how!

[Big Pistons Forever]

Think bubble over the guy about to be hit

I KNEW I should have joined the Air Force !

[Kiltrash]

Just testing none of you Cuckolds are wearing Chastity Belts
...CLANG...next ...

[Kiltrash]

Lower....if you want to get under the barbed wire..

[Confusious]

"Get down....you're not one of my arch rivals!"

[treadigraph]

Useless :mad: bunch! We'll never qualify for the Limbo event at the Paris Olympics...

[Dan Gerous]

I say, don't you think this SAS reality TV show is going a bit too far?

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1278x840/image_e708b34297469bfd1e2d256e9332c82911df3771.png

[Confusious]

"Did you say your balls are itchy in this heat?"

[MPN11]

“And you still look like Drones … BRACE!!”

[Kiltrash]

The troop later regretted the ' who can last the longest with a live ferret down the trousers ' initiation ceremony

[Confusious]

"No Achmed, it's not a bloody fez!"

[Chu Chu]

Ouch! That hurt!


*** NOT A CAPTION*** I actually did take a deep breath and google "little willy" before I made my picks. *** NOT A CAPTION***

[fitliker]

Are you sure this is what we need to do to join Gary Glitters Gang ?
No , I said this what we do to people who want to join Gary Glitters Gang

[fitliker]

Apparently,That was the Endurance Technique suggested by that fella claiming to be the second man on the balcony .
We don’t know if it works to improve Endurance , as nobody has been able to complete the training . Yet , you may be the first graduate from our new stress control training course . They said this was the Chingford Hill training that made them “ Special “ .

[Confusious]

"White pawn B2 to B4."

[NutLoose]

Ouch! That hurt!


*** NOT A CAPTION*** I actually did take a deep breath and google "little willy" before I made my picks. *** NOT A CAPTION***.......
:p

[NutLoose]

You think all of the other Countries have the luxuries of a swimming pool to teach Synchronized Swimming? No, you will get to use water in your routine when you reach the Olympics.

[Buster Hyman]

ISIS' Got Talent starts a new season....

[NutLoose]

We all have problems you know, after all, you were all supposed to be nailed up like this on crosses by now, but have you seen the price of lumber recently?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1278x840/image_a84713ffe6e5befc28e5f0f46182473966306968.png

[NutLoose]

Get up you dog, Gaddafi wants to play leapfrog..

[NutLoose]

You call that a Fosbury flop, you son of a camel toe, he will be rolling in his newly dug grave..

[fitliker]

Spoken in my best attempts at a Windsor Davies impression:
Never seen such a blatant display of poofery , in my day we fixed bayonets for sand dancing and used real rifles not Russian noise makers

[Wensleydale]

When Diversity appeared on Love Island...

[fitliker]

The ministry of truth and peace has banned cries of pain and tears as being demoralizing . From now on only tears of joy and expressions of joy will be allowed in training to guarantee team building morale improvements.

The beating will continue until morale improves

[NutLoose]

So do you want to join Wagner or stay here?

[Confusious]

Get a move on, I bet one of my wives on you to win.

[Hydromet]

****Judging in 24 hours time, so you can have a fresh start for the weekend.****

[jolihokistix]

We'll make men out of you yet. Consider this the horse's doovers.

[Kiltrash]

After the ' incident ' last time on detachment in the Sudan, the Captain ordered to MO to sort the men's raging hormones out once and for all...

[sealo0]

Bromide! Nah this is quicker

[treadigraph]

You won't be going off half-cocked after this you dog!

[Chu Chu]

The origin of the term "assault rifle."

[NutLoose]

You think you have problems? look, I have Ray Bans and a fancy yellow dialled big watch and can I get into pilot school?

[Buster Hyman]

"Good, good! Everyone is doing well. Now, we get to the best part of Sundial School! Achmed, grab Nutty's Viagra!"

[SLXOwft]

*** Bad Taste Warning ***




'...g'day mate!'

[NutLoose]

And be polite when the Germans come around and put their towels out on you..

[NutLoose]

Take that you son of a beach!

[Kiltrash]

Wagner is glad to be re located from Ukraine to Africs ....better to get sunburn than frostbite

[Kiltrash]

Geneva Convention on treatment of Prisoners of War don't apply here...oh **** Ahmed there's Tic Tok...

[Kiltrash]

....and finally...
VAR review downgraded the straight Red card for violent conduct, ... to a ticking off...whose been a naughty boy then...

[Confusious]

Just two more whacks and I'll get the colour of your balls to match your sun tanned mush.

[ShyTorque]

“This is the only dirty magazine you’re going to see from now on!”

[cynicalint]

Are you sure this is what is meant by cock, hook and look?

[Buster Hyman]

“No gays in ISIS! I swear, I’ll find out which one of you is bent!”

[sealo0]

Putting that copy of Playboy down your front won’t help you now

[Chu Chu]

Figures. I get sentenced to the stocks, and they go medieval on me.

[Hydromet]

OK. Judgement day. Honourable Mentions to, in no particular order the usual suspects
.Lower....if you want to get under the barbed wire..

​​Buster Hyman​​​​​
“…and, as you can see Gentlemen, this angle gives the bomb a lovely spread across any Plaza…”

And be polite when the Germans come around and put their towels out on you..

But the CST goes to that 'orrible little man, Fitliker, for
Spoken in my best attempts at a Windsor Davies impression:
Never seen such a blatant display of poofery , in my day we fixed bayonets for sand dancing and used real rifles not Russian noise makers

The CST will be waltzing its way across the sands to you shortly.

[fitliker]

My grovelling apologies , ladies and laddies . Time for an open House ?

[Kiltrash]

If I may as a third looser offer up.. blatantly stolen from another thread...

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/493x912/screenshot_20230313_170327_174671c0e6ac939fc8052ebea0c2681c7 024132f.jpg

[treadigraph]

"Hello my Anson" said the Duke of Cornwall

[sealo0]

That’s better than Kennington palace, not to worry Buck House next!

[sealo0]

Thanks for arranging the visit Will’s , Megan & Harry will be so pleased with their new lodgings

[treadigraph]

You know Kate, you'd look great in a 1950s BOAC hostie uniform...

[Hydromet]

You know Kate, you look great in a 1950s BOAC hostie uniform...
"Yes, Daddy gave it to me. I'm not sure how he came to have it."

[Chu Chu]

The visit was everything Kate had dared hope -- they even let her take the stick. [Well it looks like one, anyway.]

[Confusious]

"Katie darling, may I be your rear gunner?"

[Buster Hyman]

Prince Andrew shook his head for clearly, William didn’t understand his upskirting lessons.

[Buster Hyman]

The Penguin releases his hostage

[NutLoose]

Jeez did you just fart?

[NutLoose]

My good man, one called an ‘ansom cab not an Anson.

[NutLoose]

It reminds me of William, both have a clear dome on top.

[NutLoose]

It’s okay William, you can come out now, Kiltrash posted the picture so you need to worry about a hundred or so captions about you.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Think bubble over Prince William's head

How on earth did she get out of this aeroplane without folding herself into a pretzel like I am doing ?

[NutLoose]

It’s ok Kate and William, you can come out now, Harry has gone

[NutLoose]

Thanks, Elsan or not, when one has to go, one has to go.

[Confusious]

"William, are farts wet?"

[Confusious]

"That's it Kate - grab your purse, put your coat on neatly and walk out graciously. We'll never pass our evac procedures."

[cynicalint]

One cleary sees the whole of the world getting out after that!

[cynicalint]

Are you sure that we have to get in backwards?

[cynicalint]

We must speak to Pa about upping the Defence vote as this new Royal Flight Aircraft is a bit cramped...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/493x912/image_d4158cd9c4e00a55adab826775c2db51d3d5291d.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Good afternoon, we are from the Guinness book of records and are here today to tell you your efforts to break the Royal mile high club record has sadly failed by some 5279 feet.

[NutLoose]

You’d be pushed to find the golden rivet in that ma’am, it’s fabric…

[Buster Hyman]

Chap on the left: "And as you can see, there's no Spares in there!"

[Confusious]

Man on left: "Well, how was that?"
Kate: "Oh, so exciting and William let me play with his stick."

[sealo0]

Wills: "Kate don't stand on that flapy thing!"
Kate: "William you know it's an Aileron, don't you?"

[Self loading bear]

Katie didn’t get the joke when she asked why there was no stick .

[Buster Hyman]

Kate does her best 'Anson Mount' impression...


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/128x128/untitled_f35759d7fb82c0789941c135ab8d8074a51ffcc9.jpg

[NutLoose]

It survived the war without being hit but now it’s riddled with high heal holes..

[Big Pistons Forever]

Think bubble over Kates head.

Sigh, Just like his condoms, William fails to properly use his umbrella to protect me.....

[andytug]

"Dear, when you said we were getting something with a turret, I was rather hoping for a castle....."

[Kiltrash]

Having trouble with my wi fi so calling in 12 hours..
Last orders please

[NutLoose]

Having trouble with my wi fi so calling in 12 hours..
Last orders please

As Doris said to Buster… Blimey that was quick…


ps try unplugging the router for 5 mins then plug it back in.

[fdr]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/493x912/image_d4158cd9c4e00a55adab826775c2db51d3d5291d.jpeg

"But, Will, just say we were reenacting the chap who got the VC for putting holes in a wing to go blow out a fire... Jackson Ward or something? "
"that was two different guys doing the same thing, 4 years apart, without stilettos..."

[Buster Hyman]

Yes Doris, it was quick, but I bet you don’t need a yellow walking stick after 30 mins with Nutty!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Jeez, Willy, I will have to stop holding onto you by your hair, you are getting a bit thin on top!"
"Just make sure you don't hold my ears, I don't want to end up looking like Daddy!"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Left Foot....black.
No dear, I'm not going to go in there and play Twister with you. I'll see you at the bar.

[sealo0]

“Oh no, Wills you forgot to close the curtains!,”

[Kiltrash]

No more entries please,, i'm about to judge...
I would have offered along the lines of

When the Prince of Wales disembarked he was heard to say to the aide... Cor glad thats over,, donno how 6'3 crew put up with such cramped conditions, I really could do with a fag...Hoskins at the bottom of the ladder replied... I'm here.
or
Kate said i think we have found the perfect place to incarcerate the PPRuNe usual suspects, ... think its appropriate, and we can sell off the Tower of :London to private developers, you daddy will be pleased...
or
.The museum immediately put up signs "By Royal Appointment.." and the entrance fee quadrupled.

[Kiltrash]

First prize today goes to Cvnicalint for...

Are you sure that we have to get in backwards?

with a runner up of Andy with...

"Dear, when you said we were getting something with a turret, I was rather hoping for a castle....."

[Kiltrash]

Oh before Cyclinet steps I should have said, and I'm super surprised no one did...
" Nice Beaver "

[Kiltrash]

I did pm Cynicalint at the time

Think we need to call on Andy to take up the honour??

[Buster Hyman]

Kilty’s having withdrawal symptoms…


https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/220x164/image_352ac986da702dfa3ee96228f4371a797839e9cf.gif

[treadigraph]

Kilty’s having withdrawal symptoms…

Premature withdrawal...

[cynicalint]

Sorry all, keyboard drank some whisky last night so limited functions. Declare open house!

[NutLoose]

Try

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/0327/production/_129170800_kim.jpg

[Hydromet]

"There you go Sis, just pick the toy boy you want."
New picture needs a new caption

In some armies, the band doubles as stretcher bearers, here we are bomb testers.

[Hydromet]

*****Not a caption**** Hey Nutty, why did you change the picture?

[Ascend Charlie]

"Risten here, fat boy! You touch that thing again, I break your fingers!"

[Buster Hyman]

Ahh, so you’re saying my Uncle repwaced the AA gun ammo with Nerf gun ammo….very cwever!

[Wensleydale]

..NK Security Forces are on the look out for Pudsey Bear.

[Hydromet]

Yung Fat Wun sponsors Red Nose Day (https://www.comicrelief.com/rednoseday) in North Korea.

[ShyTorque]

“We’ve named these bombs in your honour, Sir!”

“Of course….what is the name?”

”Fat Boy….”

[Wensleydale]

"... and how much beer do they hold?"

[Kiltrash]

At Weapons plant SLT14 Kim proudly shows off the variable yeald atomic weapons he personally designed, to the aghast World's Press...
Fortunately no one was brave to ask why the designation SLT

Super sized Liquorice Torpedoes...of course

[Kiltrash]

The Red Caped ones?? Tracers of course

[Kiltrash]

What is the filling Sire??
Munchkins of course

[Kiltrash]

The latest NORK Firework display is made ready for the 4th of July

[Kiltrash]

Man on right in black frantically checks his passport still has his American Visa safely tucked in .

[Kiltrash]

Why do they all have Washington as the return address?
To save money we're delivering them by UPS...none of this Ballistic Missile nonsense

[Kiltrash]

Man in black has a terrible weight on his shoulders

[sealo0]

These are the nice bombs you ordered dear leader.

Bombs, no these are my sisters new butt plugs!!

[treadigraph]

These are your new weight control tablets Dear Leader, you asked for something drastic if you recall?

Yes I did but, dear God, how am I supposed to swallow those?

You don't, O Revered One, you stuff them up your @rse...

edit: great minds sealo0... :ok: