Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Tell you what, that Barberra Woodhouse is good...**** ing good. ..
Now where the 10 lb treats

[Kiltrash]

Makes tyre change easier

[Kiltrash]

Sabotaged by the Road and Rail Haulage industry again ??

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1920x1080/boeing_747_tip_5a7366dbcb1416ddae96d98bc58ff5212b156611.jpg

Who said anythng about Quart and Pint Pot ??

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Man in white coat to man in orange shirt: "I think you can stop marshalling now".

[NutLoose]

See I told you they were a cowboy outfit, always arsing around...

[NutLoose]

I heard they were under contract to Kallita.

[NutLoose]

Note to ones self: Hammering down the taxyway with the nose open and slamming on the brakes will not offload the carge quickly.

[Kiltrash]

Captain to Co Pilot.
" Write up that Hoskins, '
" Dear Mr Boeing .Experienced unexpected change of altitude "

[Kiltrash]

Then
We'll I never, from here i can see my house, my 3 Brothers cars on my driveway, at least my wife won't be lonely while I'm away ...

[Kiltrash]

Finally,
it's no good Captain on full forward Yoke but we're still climbing.

[Dan Gerous]

It's the same thing they do with Bulls, then they artificially inseminate other 747's.

[622]

Perhaps we should have put the pallet of Pilot's watches in the middle!

[622]

Pilot says he's snagging it.....something to do with a QFE discrepency!

[Chu Chu]

I guess you could say the head's up, and it's certainly quite a display. But this really isn't what I had in mind.

[Kiltrash]

غضب كويتي من الإدعاءات القطرية بسب إجلاء رعاياThere that just about covers it. Now please move along, nothing to see here

[Kiltrash]

Later it was reported the Loadmaster. Mr Abbot, is the son of a British Politician.

[Kiltrash]

Right the Catapult cables are securely attached to the underbelly, all we need now is a Aircraft Carrier...

[Dan Gerous]

It saves a lot of time, rather than load and unload the MLRS.

[ix_touring]

"Only fans: Big bird on arse with mouth open" Worst typo search result ever.

[Kiltrash]

Tell you what, this new Wonderful Fuel, is fecking amazing..
( Not suitable for F35....glad Pilot is ok )

[fitliker]

Some pictures speak , this one says “Ouch “

You can be sure this will not be the five minute arguement , but the full half hour !

[SLXOwft]

Given the impending time of year:
Training Captain addressing 2nd Officer Alladin Hoskins, who is standing on carpet in hat with no sign of coffee.
"Well young man, do you still think that was an opportune moment to say 'Open Sesame!'?"

Charlie Croker :'For God's sake don't move, if the gold shifts it'll blow the bloody wings off!'
FADE IN : 'It's a self-preservation society'
ROLL CREDITS.

[Chu Chu]

I knew it was a mistake loading that last wafer-thin mint.

[ORAC]

”If think the chick’s big, wait till see the size of the mum when she comes to feed it…..”

[Kiltrash]

Thought there may be problems when we just squeezed on that last pallet of self inflating Hydrogen filled Sex Dolls... Del.

[Kiltrash]

Think we're gonna need to change the Captains seat covering before the next flight

[Kiltrash]

There, I can now reach the light pole and change the bulbs .....

[622]

"We just need the long weight to counter balance it....I sent Hoskins to get it from stores ages ago.....where is he?"

[NutLoose]

Now in the RAF we used to carry a Navigator up front to compensate for the weight of the Loadmaster down the back..

[Kiltrash]

My what a big mouth you have Grandma, said Budgie the Helicopter...All the better to gobble you up you Insignificant little pest, never bother me again...
( and let that be a lesson to you children, not all elderly people are nice to children...Happy Christmas. .)

[ShyTorque]

“Next time tell the pilot to warn us before he gets off and takes his wallet with him!”

[cavuman1]

Unlike MD-80's, elevator examination is made easy on some Boeing 747-series aircraft.

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

That's weird. It didn't have any balance problems before it tried the rotor challenge.

[Kiltrash]

The Pilot, Jack Screw, reports full and free movement. ...On the prototype B747 Drone

[Kiltrash]

Loadmaster shouting down..." I told you she couldn't take any more....but nooo UPS knew better "

( Other freight companies are available )

[Kiltrash]

The crew knew now the last pallet was on they had done their job, and departed for a early Friday finish..." There Christmas done, piss off to the pub "

[Kiltrash]

Well if this shows the level of planning in Qatar, does not much promise for the World Cup...

[Kiltrash]

White Shirt
Didn't know that Airstair Hydraulic system was THAT powerful.
Orange overalls
Well no Hoskins overrode the safety cut out.

[fitliker]

The Trebuchet Boarding Stairs combination MK 1 still had some kinks to be ironed out before deployment to shorter runway city centre airports l

[Kiltrash]

Well think that fecks up Lewis getting his race car in time, eh Mr Verstappen??

[Chu Chu]

The accident investigation board finds evidence of a steep gradient in the cockpit.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Gesundheit..."

[Kiltrash]

Simple design that shows if the front doors are down and locked before leaving dock...
( From Herald of Free Enterprise )

[622]

OK., OK ...I believe you now...you really are David Copperfield....now can you put it back so we can finish the loading!

[SLXOwft]

He'z bollahxed the load plan again.

[SLXOwft]

BE@9£e (just out of shot): Someone did this more stylishly with a Vickers Funbus.

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry, I know it's been stuck a few days, but there's no Perishables on this load...
Oh that means the stink is from the **** hitting the fan (s) ...

[Kiltrash]

Mythbusters prove that a pallet of Crows all taking flight has no weight, OK Hoskins stop rattling their cage...

[Kiltrash]

Pass up the WD-40, the AOA vane must be stuck,... again..
( other lubrication sprays are available )
no Skip I think it's a bit more trouble than that...

[OMAAbound]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1920x1080/boeing_747_tip_5a7366dbcb1416ddae96d98bc58ff5212b156611.jpg

Affer Hong Kong banishes more cargo pilots to their quarantine container city, some crew members are going to extreme lengths to avoid the same fate!

[Buster Hyman]

Hang on, are you sure it was rubber dog ****?

[DirtyProp]

Alright, who forgot to empty the loo again??

[Kiltrash]

When the Warden told us to wear the Orange jump suits and report to the Airport, thought we would be performing menial social work towards reducing the sentence. ..not this!...

[Chu Chu]

Phew! Paul Bunyan carried his axe off toward greener pastures. When the crotch sniffing started, I was sure things would end badly.

[OMAAbound]

I have finally a few minutes to go through the replies and pick a winner, which I have quoted below.

"Only fans: Big bird on arse with mouth open" Worst typo search result ever.

I hand it over to ix_touring to carry on the baton!

OMAA

[Self loading bear]

Those 747-pilots are really the Drama Queens of the Sky.
They always think they are higher up than others.

[Kiltrash]

OMAA as we have not heard from ix in ( almost 24 hours ) perhaps we need a first runner up ..??
hope ix is well....

[SLXOwft]

While we wait for ix_touring to collect the CST (Or OMAA to nominate a substitute). If there are no strong objections thought I would put this up to pass the time, before everyone's certain serial winners' stocks of images are exhausted on the UK F-35B lost thread.(yes, I know this is a USAF one) - winner to receive the e-goat Lightning Wit award.

I couldn't resist this one...

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_2_f_35_lightning_ii_joint_strike_fighter_jsf_0c238668c f32d135f08e4848fb9eb1333dfe78c3.jpg

[Kiltrash]

I know the brakes failed but the Chevy van is defiantly stock under the nose

[NutLoose]

That should stop the water getting in..

[Kiltrash]

I know this is RAF Marham, but Camouflage and hi viz at the same time??

[Kiltrash]

The instructor later complained the second cockpit left a lot to be desired in the 2 seat version

[Ninthace]

No they are not intake protectors - they are water wings

[NutLoose]

Has anyone let him know he won? as he is new at it.

[OMAAbound]

"Does anyone know if it still under warranty?"

OMAA

PS.... Lets go with this until we hear from the winner.

[MPN11]

“
That van says “pull itz ere”, so that’s what i’m doing … OK?”

[Ascend Charlie]

"We all told the dude in the red jacket not to go near the intake while the engine is running!"

[cavuman1]

Proof that PTFE residue in carbon fiber substrate lead to out-of-tolerance fuselage components.

- Ed

[cynicalint]

Shortest FLM "Is this where the clockwork key goes?"

[cynicalint]

This new chart storage locker just won't work in flight!

[Buster Hyman]

Ok, never mind the fact that all that's left is the Lycra, why was there a MAMIL on the runway?

[Hydromet]

Ok, never mind the fact that all that's left is the Lycra, why was there a MAMIL on the runway?

Dunno, but the shirt label says his name is Bryan Allen (https://www.fai.org/news/40-years-ago-today-bryan-allen-achieves-first-human-powered-aircraft-flight).

[Big Pistons Forever]

OK guys you have had your fun so how about putting the ladder back, please…

[Big Pistons Forever]

Yah you had better gets some rags up here as the pilot has barfed all over the seat….

[Big Pistons Forever]

Yah the seat is FU*KED, pass me the BFH !

[Kiltrash]

Nope the Sparrows chick is still there so this birds grounded

[Kiltrash]

Pre flight inspection having overnighted at Liverpool is mandated to be the most intense of all....
Item 1 Engine installed.? ..

[Kiltrash]

Ground crew on left
Voice of Marvin the Manic Android. ..
" Here I am, Brain the size of a Planet. Tasked with operating the Honey Cart "

[Kiltrash]

This aircraft is so stealthy you have to put your hand on it to know it's there

[Kiltrash]

The search for ix goes on without success

[622]

The latest R2D2 droid installed behind the pilot proved far more useful than his predecessor as he had arms and could help ....

[Ninthace]

Oi! There something fishy going on up here.

[andytug]

"Dunno Sir, says on the box it's a new 'anti-dive' software update....."

[Kiltrash]

Sorry Skip, we have pulled it apart and re built it but we can't find the snag reported..

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_2_f_35_lightning_ii_joint_strike_fighter_jsf_0c238668c f32d135f08e4848fb9eb1333dfe78c3.jpg
when will someone re read the task sheet, it clearly says 5240...

[Kiltrash]

HOSKINS...you put the LEFT on the RIGHT...again. better tattoo L and R on your hand

[andytug]

(Obvious caption)

"Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"

[Kiltrash]

Nope, looked everywhere but still can't find the Lift Fan. ..
and that's why the RAF would not have A and B models...

[Kiltrash]

Man with India voice, Microsoft here, we detect you have a problem, please insert $2b

[Kiltrash]

Russian voices..
Now we have retrieved the Japanese and the British craft can we re engineer them??
Putin...Comrades were NOT that despairate..

[treadigraph]

'Ere, I've found where the CO's hidden his missus's Crimble present!

[ShyTorque]

“Big Bertha’s definitely in here somewhere….look, here’s her underpants!”

[Chu Chu]

These intake covers are great. Too bad we have to fly to Norway to get them installed.

[fitliker]

Just pull the yellow and black stripe handle , no need for intake covers after that !

[fitliker]

The red covers are hard to fit when the stealth covers are still fitted , so says the cunning artificer

[Dan Gerous]

You guys in the reserve?
Yes.
You work for the local authority's road department don't you.
Yes, how did you know?
Cause all you've done all day is stare into a hole.

[ORAC]

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get the two halves of the Airfix display model to fit together…..

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins finally admits this is a close as he gets to getting his leg over

[Kiltrash]

No, quick cover it up, there's a load of Crabs in that one. ..

[Kiltrash]

As the Trawlers get back to port, the Skipper admits normally it is Submarines they catch in the nets

[Buster Hyman]

I said DON'T pull hard on the red cable!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So you put these on, and it doubles the fuel capacity? Bugger me if those yanks aren't clever! But...why doesn't it all run out the back?

[Kiltrash]

After the 9 hour delivery flight with 6 refuelling linkup the Post Flight Inspection discovered the Pilot had collected a A model....Well they all look alike to me explained the Pilot

[OMAAbound]

In an effort to raise funds for the RAF, installing a balloon factory at the end of the runway was not the best option!

[treadigraph]

We're gonna need a bigger sheet of wrapping paper!

[Kiltrash]

Well that's definitely fecked. Never mind always a silver lining.. Hoskins get the Reindeer and lash them to the front. Just in time for the annual flight exam..

[Kiltrash]

Having retired tbe first batch of Tranche 1 they are offered to friendly countries for a knock down price,..

So cheap they can't give them away
or
Cheap as Chips

[SLXOwft]

I'll judge on Saturday morning Z if ix hasn't got back from his tour before then.

Female FLM, 'You guys are wearing three maybe four different ABUs, you must the Limey Lineys I was warned about.'

[cynicalint]

"Hey chief, There's an awful lot of water behind here! I think the engines been flooded...

[cavuman1]

Talk about getting your nose out of joint!

- Ed

[NutLoose]

Hey guys, I was sent out to help the “septic tanks” wiff a service, but I’m having trouble refilling the bog tank wiff blue water.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_b2cf5eff61698124be3b93c51685c7e8f10a3329.jpeg

[NutLoose]

5 guys to fit an intake blank, my guess is you’re either USAF or you work for the council highways dept.

[ORAC]

OK, another 200 fags and a demijohn and I reckon this hole is full - then we can move back and see what bill can fit in his panel….

[Buster Hyman]

Never mind Block 4, look at Blockhead up there!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Get out of there, Santa! It's not a freakin' chimney!"

[Kiltrash]

Where's Wally??
Not here, was posted to the QNLZ

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You think this side is difficult? I'm trying to fit the port one with my toes!

[Dan Gerous]

FFS, just use some bodge tape to keep it on.

[NutLoose]

Take the cover back to the Brit you bought it off, I think it has shrunk in the wash.

[NutLoose]

What’s wiff the blank expression?

[NutLoose]

Try cranking it, it might suck it on.

[Kiltrash]

The MOD later regretted buying the single point of failure model...
MOD explained well it has 2 engine intakes so we assumed there were 2 yes TWO engines. ..
Where's our ebay refund??

[Kiltrash]

Chap walking off round the other side...
Well if you are not going to listen to my suggestion, I'm taking my football home in the huff..

[Kiltrash]

The red things? Yes I think they are Santa's Boots.https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_b2cf5eff61698124be3b93c51685c7e8f10a3329.jpeg
Better call NORAD no need to track him this year..

[Kiltrash]

Major Rescue, ( stupid name for a Pilot )...Your aircrafts ready...sign here and off you go...

[Kiltrash]

Anyone one know where this goes after we ' Remove before Flight"?
Dunno never taken them off before, might get misplaced. ..

[Buster Hyman]

CHRIST ALMIGHTY!!! Did you just fall out of that Herc?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Hoskins, take note. Even when you are trying to rescue someone, it always pays to read the fine print first.

[Kiltrash]

Yes i have to be the last to take my hand off, and it's mine, all mine

[Kiltrash]

Damm Insulate Britain protesters, supergluing their hands to everyone's transport

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins, your challenge is to collect 12 Gold Stars for everyone's dinner tonight...however your not in thier alone, release the Crickets ...

[NutLoose]

What do you mean you’re just popping by?
we were all in transit.

[NutLoose]

Quick get the covers on and everything nailed down a transit load of gypo’s has just turned up.

[Self loading bear]

After F35 reported a possible bird strike during his flight over the Artic Circle,
Norwegian ground crew tries to save life of parttime Season Holiday pilot.

[Kiltrash]

Female? far left ... have I left the gas on??

[Kiltrash]

The Pilots life is our most important thing in life...
What more than the 10 megaton bomber heading for Whitehall??

[Kiltrash]

Hold it down lads, Storm Arwens on the way, all it wants to do is fly ( Navy)

[Beamr]

Aren't we excellent, the instructions were to break the ac outline on the ground with patterns, but I am sure we'll make our names in the mentions for making 'em stealthier in the air too by clogging the unnecessary holes. Hurrah!

[SLXOwft]

Honourable mentions and nominations for the MI4 Memorial Trophy for PI of the Year:
Chu Chu: These intake covers are great. Too bad we have to fly to Norway to get them installed.
Self Loading Bear: After F35 reported a possible bird strike during his flight over the Artic Circle, Norwegian ground crew tries to save life of parttime Season Holiday pilot.

In reverse order:

=3rd Kiltrash: Nope the Sparrows chick is still there so this birds grounded
and Nutty: Try cranking it, it might suck it on.

2nd ORAC:No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get the two halves of the Airfix display model to fit together…..

The winner of the e-Goat Lightning Wit Trophy is
Traffic_Is_Er_Was:You think this side is difficult? I'm trying to fit the port one with my toes!

In the absence of the lineal champion, I assume the Coffman Starter Trophy will also be arriving from QUH.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Thank you sir, a bit of a surprise there. I can't post a photo for a little while, so in the interests of keeping things moving, I'll hand the baton over to ORAC if that's ok. (PM sent)

[ORAC]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/736x552/image_a12c9b41fc7a194536ddad824cf7b750d19dd13d.jpeg

[Ninthace]

If Carlsberg made Lightnings….

[Beamr]

You think you have a big gun? My gatling has a cockpit and spits out 155mm shells. Top that!

[Kiltrash]

In Liverpool Scaffolders have to find a secure way to transport the poles

[Kiltrash]

In Belfast, The IRA disguise their mortars

[Kiltrash]

Well we need to test Aerospike inlets at Mach. ..works good but endurance is a problem.

[Kiltrash]

You should see what they have done to the rear section. .

[Kiltrash]

At speed. ..
Skip, what's that whistling noise ??
e flat and d major I think...They are Captain Pans Pipes

[Kiltrash]

In tbe back lot of Pinewood studios, early design of Sky walkers X wing fighter gently rusts away.

[Ascend Charlie]

Finally, we get to see the French submarine that Australia rejected. Dunno why...

[Self loading bear]

First prop proposition for The English Patient was rejected for the obvious reason not having a prop at all.

[treadigraph]

Hoskins is still too late in the round out while doing the flying sequences for "Wing Commander"...

[Buster Hyman]

Okay, perhaps you got a little too close to Chernobyl.

[Buster Hyman]

I bet I can get more cigarettes in my mouth than that!

[NutLoose]

We found it was quicker by tube over other forms of transport.

[NutLoose]

So I said to network rail, you can take your rails and shove them.

[NutLoose]

Full Of Drainpipe, it brings a new meaning to FOD.

[NutLoose]

Yes, the pilots a pipe major, how did you know.

[ShyTorque]

“Well, doctor, it started with a Minigun, then I got addicted…..”

[NutLoose]

It’s a rail gun.

[Kiltrash]

Well certainly better looking than a Warthog

[Kiltrash]

After his latest kit car makeover, Guy did comment " Well it makes the Road hogs move over from Lane 2 " ...

[Kiltrash]

You don't wanna see this in your rear view mirror...

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/736x552/image_a12c9b41fc7a194536ddad824cf7b750d19dd13d.jpeg

Having revealed his latest creation, Spielberg decided he needed a bigger shed....

[Kiltrash]

No of shells vaguely near a target has a quality all of it's own

[Chu Chu]

I tried to intercept the target, but there were too many pipes on the radar.

[Local Variation]

Instructor to Student........"Yep, not in our usual C152 today, so if you want to check her out, I will go and find some parachutes and a bible"

[cavuman1]

The detachable engine section required the development of "stomp foot" landing gear.

- Ed

[OMAAbound]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/736x552/image_a12c9b41fc7a194536ddad824cf7b750d19dd13d.jpeg

After months of hiding, Donald Trump finally reveals his plans of getting back into the White House

OMAA

[cynicalint]

It's a BEAGLE! A test bed for evaluating the effects of cigarette smoke in the cockpit.

[Big Pistons Forever]

What's the NATO code name for that ?

Smack Mouth

[Big Pistons Forever]

The designer was a big believer in Fighter Airplane basics

You can never have an engine or a gun that's too big....

[Big Pistons Forever]

Ummmm, I think we might need to revisit the design spec.......

[treadigraph]

The Covid 21 vaccination is going to be quite something...

[Kiltrash]

This should even give DRUK a recognition headache

[Kiltrash]

Well last year Top Gear converted a Caravan into a Aeroplane, this year the Producers reversed that idea...Freddie's effort got -3 in the score. ..

[Kiltrash]

Well you explain to the stash how you got clamped...

[Dan Gerous]

A 30 MM rotary canon you idiots, not 300 MM

[Chu Chu]

One day, every aircraft will have a big battery.

[Chu Chu]

Let me guess: You ordered Hoskins to deploy the rocket launcher on the wing.

You haven't seen a battery of 105s, have you?

No, but we just got a very strange call from Tesco.

[fitliker]

Recently declassified pictures of the early Chemtrial experiments are turning up everywhere

[fitliker]

The super cavitation devices out front should let this kite break the Mach twenty barrier , the treadmill runway was made for this beauty .

[fitliker]

It might not look like much , but it will make the Kessel run in twelve parsecs and back again before the kettle has boiled

[Kiltrash]

After 45 years at the Bae Warton site,

Hoskins finally got his retirement present from the lads...they raided the parts bin
or
Hoskins explained he removed all the parts one bit at a time in his empty lunch box..

[Kiltrash]

Yes but what is it??
We use it as a snow blower at Heathrow. ...gotta keep the Runways open, ...Then Boris re introduces Lock down....😐

[Kiltrash]

The engines?? Yes they are 2 dustbins, got the idea and modeled them from the Jaguar...

[Dan Gerous]

Heath Robinson engineered this concept for thrust reverse on the Lightning, but English Electric decided to go with the brake chute instead.

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/736x552/image_a12c9b41fc7a194536ddad824cf7b750d19dd13d.jpeg

[SLXOwft]

A recently declassified photo shows why the DoD has indefinitely postponed the OA-X program.

OR

Back to the drawing board for the M7 Aerospace's proposed A-10D after blowback from the uprated cannon causes 'minor airframe integrity issues' during ground testing.

[Kiltrash]

Recoil propelled the 'craft backwards at M2 Hoskins

[Chu Chu]

Reacting to the global semiconductor shortage, aircraft manufacturers begin experimenting with tubes.

[MPN11]

The BoI was unable to determine how a Scaffolding lorry ended up on Binbrook’s runway.

[Self loading bear]

The finer nuances in the English notes of the Chief Engineer were lost to the design team:
We will pull the JATO rockets forward and put the flamethrower on the back burner.

[Chu Chu]

No, no, no. What I said was that with the crackdown on arms sales, we need a new conduit for delivering fighter jets.

[cavuman1]

'Twas only a pipe dream....

- Ed

[Self loading bear]

A recently declassified photo shows why the DoD has indefinitely postponed the OA-X program.


SLXO,
May I ask:
Was that the same reason as why the Helicopter Armed Overwatch project (HOAx) never came off the ground?

[Dan Gerous]

I love the smell of cordite on a straff run

[Ascend Charlie]

"Luke, are the womp rats REALLY getting that big?"

[Kiltrash]

Whatdoyamean? After 04.00 today I need to wear a mask indoors? With THIS nose??

[Kiltrash]

Thinks it's a bit of overkill? All it was was one Pitot tube blocked on one aircraft in five years.
Better safe than sorry. .

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Hoskins is glad her husband has taken his hobby outside and she had got her front room back

[Kiltrash]

No Phil, even We Buy Any Car Dot Com might baulk at this one

( other Internet based car purchase companies are available )

[Dan Gerous]

I think my 20 a day habit is the least of my worries.

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/736x552/image_a12c9b41fc7a194536ddad824cf7b750d19dd13d.jpeg

[ORAC]

OK, getting a bit repetitive, so results.

Third place: Big Pistons Forever.

“The designer was a big believer in Fighter Airplane basics - You can never have an engine or a gun that's too big....”

Second place: Ninthace

“If Carlsberg made Lightnings….”

First place: SLXOwft

”Back to the drawing board for the M7 Aerospace's proposed A-10D after blowback from the uprated cannon causes 'minor airframe integrity issues' during ground testing.”

Over to you….

[SLXOwft]

Still recovering from the shock. Let me know if this has been used before.


https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/870x572/vladimir_putin_flies_the_worlds_largest_strategic_bomber_tu_ 160_1_95edf5ef92dfb0689e2dd6e48bd11360d7d9f3a6.jpg

[ORAC]

When Putin offered NATO the option of settling differences over Ukraine using Blackjack, there was a problem in translation….

[Ninthace]

Ernst Pottawenis, the famous Albanian test pilot, discovers he bears a certain resemblance to a minor Russian celebrity. This will not be Wrekin my career he declares.

(Gliding in-joke, you had to be there: vide Ernst Pottawenis Memorial Trophy)

[treadigraph]

What happens if I press this?

The rest of the world will heave a large sigh of relief, Vladimir Vladimirovich...

[fitliker]

If you want something done right , you should do it yourself !

[fitliker]

Well , Mr.Bond the Ejection seats on this kite go down through the floor , so keep your feet off the dash .

[Chu Chu]

Putin sits in cockpit, Western leaders bomb.

[MPN11]

“Is Simples”, said Sergei the Meerkat off-camera.

[MPN11]

Err, Sir … do you have PPL, IR, ATPL or what? These Moscow Dynamo players are valuable National assets!

[MPN11]

“Yes, Sir, your in-flight rations are in that blue bag that usually contains the engine intake covers … <cough>“

[MPN11]

“Due to Covid distancing rules, you will have to fly solo. Good luck, Comrade.”

[MPN11]

“And the heading for Kiev is … ?”

[NutLoose]

But I cannot see out…

No problem, pull the handle between your legs to raise the seat.

[NutLoose]

Da, ve copied this part from zer intercom boxes ve saw in zer RAF in zer 70’s

[Kiltrash]

Well if Cap Kirk can survive a trip into space at his age....why not me?

[Kiltrash]

Some people say I have a passing resemblance to President Putin,.... said Prince Charles

[Kiltrash]

Well i converted my conservatory to a mock up of a Space Shuttle. Now all I need to do is make all these blinking lights blink in sequence...
( Airplane 2 )

[treadigraph]

Мне нравится, когда у меня между ног есть что-то покачиваться

(I like having something to waggle between my legs...)

[treadigraph]

Get President Biden on the hot line. Tell him I may drop by with a little present later on...

[Hydromet]

What are you doing, Red Leader?

[cynicalint]

I really don't like kids, I'm just pretending to be a pilot!

[Buster Hyman]

Err, Comrade, that is the Captains seat.
Da…..
……carry on.

[Buster Hyman]

Too close for missiles, switching to bare back horse riding…

[Buster Hyman]

Don’t shoot. It says VIP!
Verified Identity Putin!

[cavuman1]

Shown here: The President of the Russian Federation demonstrates the Martin-Bakerovski erection seat.

- Ed

[Buster Hyman]

Is that a joystick between your legs or are you just ha...*BANG*

[Hydromet]

"What did Chiefy mean when he said this cockpit has one more knob than usual?"

[Ascend Charlie]

Comrade, nice space suit, but not really needed in this Ekranoplan....

[Wensleydale]

The first one to call me an "aviator" gets sent to Siberia.

[Wensleydale]

Battery charging on the President's new electric car was quite complicated.

[Kiltrash]

What is that whistling noise? Is the window open??
No Mr President you just farted. .
( sometimes it is better to NOT tell the truth )

[Kiltrash]

“Is Simples”, said Sergei the Meerkat off-camera.

However PLEASE Mr President don't fire the Laser

[Kiltrash]

All alone in Thunderbird 5, John wonders if Alan will bring him Kayto for some 'company' on the next resupply mission...

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins took working the Batista machine seriously.

[Kiltrash]

The President vowed he would not send his Pilots on a one way mission unless he faced that himself....



https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/870x572/vladimir_putin_flies_the_worlds_largest_strategic_bomber_tu_ 160_1_95edf5ef92dfb0689e2dd6e48bd11360d7d9f3a6.jpg

[Ninthace]

No Mr President, you bum does not look big in that.

[treadigraph]

OK, we got the look right, now what song am I going to do to launch my popstarski career?

Well Comrade, unless we loosen the straps a bit, it'll have to be something by the Bee Gees...

[Kiltrash]

Gimme one ping Vasilly. ..
But sir were in a plane...
Don't bother me with details, always wanted to say that, Sean my hero..

[Kiltrash]

With our fuel loss we won't make the Primary Target and make it to Weathership Alpha...
Find me something to Bomb...
Were approaching Sharky-Wards house

[NutLoose]

Ahh found you, the captain told me to look for a man wearing a red helmet that makes him look like a bell end

[Buster Hyman]

Red 1 standing by...

[Buster Hyman]

The first generation Russian Sybian machine was full on steam punk!

[Beamr]

To Boris and Joe: I dare you, who blinks first? Love, Vlad.

[NutLoose]

Why all the warning lights and CWP's? that's because half of this crap was made in Russia and we need them.

[NutLoose]

That's it, set the timer to 3 mins and it will expose the chicken to the nuke to defrost it, then set it to 5 mins to cook it.

[ORAC]

No, read my lips, I said we need to fit an autopilot, not an autocrat….