Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

Well I got the idea from that Jesus chap, you know the one that rolled the stone away

[Kiltrash]

Granville was impressed with the company car Arkwright supplied....however not sure about the carrying capacity

[Kiltrash]

After the War, Orville wants to go back to designing bicycles with his brother, they both have a half share in, ...back in Kitty Hawk...

[treadigraph]

Round and round went the bloody great wheel...

[Wensleydale]

US Troops practise for Kasserine.

[fitliker]

Modern version of breaking someone on the wheel , remarkably most persons broken in this way do so voluntarily !

[Kiltrash]

Nutty photo shopped out his stabilisation training wheels from this picture. ....Look ma, no hands

[Kiltrash]

Well they did shout to stop what I was doing and put my hands ( Hans ) up

[Kiltrash]

Slight problem marching following through the enemy minefield behind the tanks...

[Kiltrash]

Be greatfull you weren't sent to the Eastern Front....
You would have no fun at Stalingrad...
Or
Then you would know what DEEP mud is really like..

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

When my Grandpa said he had been a Dispatch Rider during the war, I had mentally pictured something different.

[Chu Chu]

Ordered to "surrender" so he could map the enemy rear, Schultz was particularly proud of his disguised measuring wheel.

[Kiltrash]

Boris later thought this would be a great idea to relieve the congestion in inner London..

[Kiltrash]

...but just where to put the battery...was solved by some ruthless German engineering

[Kiltrash]

Buster was relieved to find Nutty gratuitously re posted the picture ..to get his post count up.
oh no he didn't ..

[Kiltrash]

The redevelopment of Croydon Village Centre still suffers when the local sewage overflows after copious rain...

[Kiltrash]

At London Luton Airport alternative means had to be found when the DART broke down..

[Kiltrash]

...and now you know what happens when the cycle clips are taken off after a non stop charity run from John O' Groats to Lands End

[Chu Chu]

Phew! That was close! If it hadn't shelled out for the mud and snow rated tire, they would have turned me back at that last checkpoint.

[ShyTorque]

I tell you, it’s a mad world….. if you admit you’re having mental issues they book you an appointment with HIM.

[Buster Hyman]

Okay. New week ahead. Let's freshen things up around here...

Runner up with the pun-tastic...
"Oi you, you're supposed to be marching in tandem."

Our winner though, giving us all fond memories of the cooler & a baseball...
Wait for the bit where he tries to jump the barbed wire at the Swiss border...

Over to you Treads, just don't tell them where George is! :ok:

[Kiltrash]

Hold my beer and watch this...
or
Just you wait till I get this up to 88MPH.

[Kiltrash]

...and if I go RUMBLE...RUMBLE..RUMBLE the enemy all run away.

[Kiltrash]

Oops sorry...well done Treadigaph..😄

[treadigraph]

Thanks Buster! Here's a festive one to keep you all going for a day or two...
https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x512/bunny_soldier_7c121c1a5829f6d7f784aa6ffdad75d76e2c9e75.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins. Do you even know what a Playboy Bunny is?

[Buster Hyman]

Myxomatosis? Try me, I dares ya!

[Hydromet]

Hoskins, you do realise that your snowfields training is in Sidney, Canada, not Sydney, Australia, don't you.

[Kiltrash]

Nothing to see here, normal for a kids athletic event In the USofA

[Kiltrash]

Sugar content a little high? was it Hank..

[Kiltrash]

The vermin exterminator takes his work seriously

[sealo0]

stormin norman takes the pose

[Confusious]

Hank standing like he's about to release some bullets.

[Confusious]

Don't mind me, I'm rushing around searching for Alice.

[Confusious]

Calm down Frank, it's only a friendly Easter Egg hunt.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Ok Elmer, this Wabbit season is gonna be different.

[Wensleydale]

Tolstoy rewrites "Warren Peace"?

[andytug]

"Er...Hoskins, when the AOC's wife said she really wanted a 'rampant rabbit'.....that's not what she meant!"

[Chu Chu]

Crap! Who has the holy hand grenade?

[Wensleydale]

"We've identified John Doe!".

[ShyTorque]

The first one to touch my eggs gets it!

[NutLoose]

The LGBT wing of the Imperial Stormtroopers arrive at the front lines.

[jolihokistix]

"Do I look like Heidi Klum?"

[Wensleydale]

When Station Ops called "Rabbit Warren".

[Kiltrash]

On the south lawn the Secret Service getting some last minute practice prior to the President's Easter visit to Ireland

[Kiltrash]

Where's my pocket watch??

[Kiltrash]

High-pitched voice....No the groin straps are not too tight...

[Kiltrash]

Just cause I took little Alice's fake Easter Bunny ears off her does not give her the right to accuse me of sexual misconduct...

[Kiltrash]

This Nerf gun has been modified to fire 75cal Cadburys Easter Eggs...

[Kiltrash]

After the incident at Annfield over Easter the FA descide to upgrade the match officials protection when leaving the field...

[Kiltrash]

The fifth Tellytubbie branches out

[Wensleydale]

This is a job for Hare Traffic Control!

(I resisted Royal Hare Force Regiment).

[Chu Chu]

I stop wetting the bed, they give me a carrot.
I bring home straight As, they give me a carrot.
I win the big 10K, they give me a carrot.
I set a new sales record, they give me a carrot.
If I see one more effin carrot . . .

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/640x512/bunny_soldier_7c121c1a5829f6d7f784aa6ffdad75d76e2c9e75.jpg

[sealo0]

Vlad’s body double hiding in plain sight

[jolihokistix]

Intent on their burgers, the guys at the barbecue had no idea of the danger as he slipped past them, invisible, fiendishly cleverly disguised.

[Kiltrash]

Quick get the hare restoration cream

[Kiltrash]

While crouching in the bushes waiting for the Taliban patrol to pass, Hank was most surprised the enemy sniper still spotted him..
or
How absolutely health and safety...the SAS forced to supply knee protection for Andy McNab.

[Kiltrash]

Now this IS Dangerous...

[Kiltrash]

Guy standing on right laughs out loud .... You wait til Del Boy finds the Fancy Dress party has been cancelled...

[Kiltrash]

Well it is a Easter Egg hunt..

[SLXOwft]

Marv began to have second thoughts about his climate change denial having spent a fortune kitting himself out for the February meeting of the Copper River Valley Survivalists.

[SLXOwft]

Playhate of the month.

[cavuman1]

"I've got them all fooled!", chuckled Pvt. Hoskins to himself. "I'm disguised as an ass, not a rabbit!"

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

So, Mr President, just what makes you think the West have Special Forces boots on the ground in the Ukraine??...
I read it in the British Daily Mail newspaper.

[fitliker]

Bit high risk dressing as a rabbit to go dogging in Croydon

Its a snow suit not a splooge suit .

[Chu Chu]

Keep calm and rabbit on.

[Chu Chu]

Let's see Mr. MacGregor try to stop me now.

[Kiltrash]

Elon Musk branches out and presents the first trial of Artificial Intelligence in the modern soldier, with Hoskins being the programmer what could possibly go wrong...go wrong...go wrong..

[Kiltrash]

Guard sitting down munching a rabbit burger later regretted when it's outraged father passed by looking for little Elmer...

[Kiltrash]

Hugh later had a great idea for a menonly club .

[Kiltrash]

Could have been worse could have been a Sumo suit was all they had left for the Generals surprise birthday party...

[Kiltrash]

With these ears I can detect even the F117 Stealth Fighter...

[Kiltrash]

Who need Cable TV when with these ears I can pick up Freeview...

[Kiltrash]

With these ears I can tickle her fancy...

[Kiltrash]

Walthamstow Dogs take seriously the threat to disrupt the greyhound racing by Animal right activists by arming the lure...

[Wensleydale]

"No Mate. James Stewart joined the Air Force".

[treadigraph]

As I'll be oot and aboot from Sparrow Fart till very late tomorrow, I'll call it some time this evening... should give Kilty ample time to develop typist's cramp!

[jolihokistix]

Can you spot the Finnish sniper?

[Buster Hyman]

The Sappers dug the new uniform

[Buster Hyman]

What typo on the Bungee jump invitation?

[jolihokistix]

The new inclusive, non-offensive uniform did take a little getting used to, but I am happy to report that they soon got the hang of it.

[Kiltrash]

The NRA have one last hurrah when it's leaked the US Military are to only be allowed one 9mm handgun with no assault rifles ..even when in theatre...

[Kiltrash]

As Treaders calls last orders the men descide it's time to sit down and relax, well all except Kiltrash...

[Kiltrash]

...and finally from me...
With only 51 weeks to go till Easter, Hank just can't give up on his preferred disguise...

[treadigraph]

OK - runners up are: Walthamstow Dogs take seriously the threat to disrupt the greyhound racing by Animal right activists by arming the lure...

Hoskins. Do you even know what a Playboy Bunny is?

Ok Elmer, this Wabbit season is gonna be different.

But the winner is Wensleydale with this...

"No Mate. James Stewart joined the Air Force".

Sorry mate, you're it! CST on it's way courtesy of TaskRabbit...

I might have gone with "Watership Down II - this time it's personal"

[Wensleydale]

Thanks Tredders. Here we go..............................
https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x467/ro1gqmw_700x467_a58b59efcef8161518aa9b24a5906edf3835aaf6.jpg

[sealo0]

The sight of a young treaders in the royal entourage was too much for some!

[Confusious]

"Has one's sergeant been on the sherry dear?"

[Kiltrash]

Did you hear ma'am, Tupperware has gone bust....oh no just where am i going to put Philips Coco pops now

[Kiltrash]

Just then Prince Andrew, Brigidier General of the Royal Scots Guards, lifted his Kilt to prove that nothing was worn underneath..

[Kiltrash]

Just as the remote controlled Rampant Rabbit was turned up to eleven

[Kiltrash]

That's not what is normally meant by ' Passing out Parade "

[Kiltrash]

Just then the call went up " Is there a Doctor in the house" ...err no they are all on strike...

[Confusious]

"C'mon girl, chest out!"

"It is ma'am."

[Chu Chu]

Susie didn't want to be on the end of the row, but the Princess hates gaps in the ranks.

[NutLoose]

Can you hear a buzzing noise?

[NutLoose]

Yes ma’am she had breakfast, she ‘ad eggs, i ‘eard it buzzing across the room.

[NutLoose]

It’s the band ma’am, she thinks she’s back at band camp.

[NutLoose]

It ‘appen’s all the time ma’am, we don’t no why, but she takes no ‘arm, six Guards carry ‘er off and she comes back later all a flush and wiff a twinkle in ‘er eye.

[Hydromet]

When Doris heard there was to be a knicker inspection, and realised she'd gone commando.

[Kiltrash]

Happens all the time ma'am, when Captain Flasheart comes to take the salute..

[Kiltrash]

Yes very localised Wake Turbulence there...

[Kiltrash]

Yes we did tell her not to stand so near the 4th tee when General Kiltrash is playing around...

[Kiltrash]

Ah Sargent Wensleydale the girls are a credit to you, all turned out with very shiny shoes....yes ma'am, the General insists when it's a close quarters inspection . He likes to inspect the shoes particularly...infact he gets on his knees to study them ..and looks up to give the girls marks out of 10..

[Kiltrash]

Later queried why that girl appeared to have a beard. Was explained it's the new all inclusive gendar equally doctrine from the MOD..

[Ascend Charlie]

"...and where are you from, Corporal?"
"Little Dumpingsthorpe on Squirmley, Ma'am!"
"...never f**kin heard of it..."

[Kiltrash]

White man's Iron Horse pass this way Kemo Sabi

[Kiltrash]

Wish HMTQ would hurry up, my feet are killing me, think I'll just have a lie down, no one will notice..

[Kiltrash]

No I'm sure the German Prisoners are tunneling out the camp Major...listen...April Fool..😄

[Kiltrash]

As Tee off time approached Mrs kiltrash thought she would have a quick Power Nap before the Spring medal...having coffee and bacon rolls(s)...just what's needed...

[Buster Hyman]

Did she really pass out, or was it just a feint?

[Buster Hyman]

It’s this damned new inclusiveness policy Ma’am. Too many Whoopsies now!

[Buster Hyman]

The Queen loved shouting “Grenade!” To see who was listening.

[Confusious]

"Don't mind her ma'am, she's a right royal actress."

[treadigraph]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x467/ro1gqmw_700x467_a58b59efcef8161518aa9b24a5906edf3835aaf6.jpg

[treadigraph]

Corporal Florrie Hart's bottie burps were infamous for their sulphurous content. Fortunately on this occasion only the Sergeant was downwind of her...

[NutLoose]

You better hurry up love, the firing squad has already started.

[NutLoose]

All I said was drop and give me five..

[NutLoose]

We are an all inclusive army now Ma'am, just because she is dead, it is not a good enough reason to exclude her from serving.

[NutLoose]

When one was a MT WRAC, one was a dab hand with a cranking handle..something Philip swears to today.

[NutLoose]

It's a shame really Ma'am. she was only 3 months short of her Long Service and Good Conduct medal.

[NutLoose]

Please get on with it Ma'am, she is starting to decompose.

[Confusious]

"Yes ma'am, I'm the nominated first aider but I'm also next in line for promotion."

[NutLoose]

Yes Ma'am, the technical term is natural wastage, it's how we reduce the size of the military.

[NutLoose]

I must say, you have a deep gravelly voice for a young lady..
That's not all I have got Ma'am..

[622]

I blame the band for playing ten green bottles!

[622]

psst Gladys.... pssstttttt Gladys!! .....GLADYS!!!!! get up, she's here!

[Kiltrash]

Cpl Doris was expecting George Clooney to do the inspection, she heard he was a qualified First Aider
( Based there was a report that when Pr Wills was a Ambulance pilot in Norfolk there was a woman that appeared to be intentionly stranded off shore in the hope that he was the on duty Pilot...three times .. )

[Kiltrash]

Band was on the 47th rendition of GSTQ .. And Friday knocking off time approached

[Kiltrash]

Cpl Wensleydale later regretted calling Tyson a fairy

[Chu Chu]

It’s a somatogravic illusion.

[Kiltrash]

Ok... having failed to be in the top 20 of The Spring event Cpl Kiltrash descided sympathy was the order of the day..

[Kiltrash]

The MO later reported to the Lancet that he had never before seen a patient with such a low Blood Pressure recover..

[Kiltrash]

Never complain never explain was the order of the day...move alone please...nothing to see here..

[Kiltrash]

Barbera Windsor stars in Carry on Matron....much to the charging of the duty officer..who descided faking her death was much more appropriate than apologie to the Queen..

[Kiltrash]

Paul O'Grady finds he is not the greatest Queen in the country after all...

[Kiltrash]

At Croydon Airport Cpl Treadigaph did not expect the low wing monoplane of the Queen's flight to be there to carry HMTQ to Dublin for the signing of the Good Friday Agreement..sorry the Avro146 had gone ' tech' was later reported in the Guardian..

[cavuman1]

If she'd fallen the other way, they would've gone down like dominoes.

- Ed

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x467/image_31955571019644a05a702cc9bd444f85c8af47eb.jpeg

[NutLoose]

We asked for medical assistance and the whole band turned up Ma’am, they say they are wartime medics and they need to loosen her clothing and raise her legs.

[NutLoose]

She’s Irish Ma’am, she told us she intended to slope off the parade.

[NutLoose]

Territorial Ma’am, bloody part timer.

[Chu Chu]

Well, you called attention, and I find I get a lot more of it lying down.

[622]

Now then ...someone has reported one of my Ladies was up late in the NAFFI last evening doing double shots all night and off her T**s on Cocaine ....which one of you was it?

[sealo0]

Gladys GET UP that’s not what Philip meant when he said he wanted a “bit on the side”

[Buster Hyman]

Getting the entire band to attention took it out of her Ma’am.

[SLXOwft]

The thought HMQ might ask about the correct pronoun to use was too much for Hoskins.

[Buster Hyman]

Don’t worry about her Ma’am, she’s just the spare…

[Kiltrash]

In the Manchester derby the defence lined up to defend a Mrs Haarland free kick. However the holding mid fielder got the door stop position wrong...

[NutLoose]

I am not saying your lawn is bad Ma'am, but she spent most of the afternoon while awaiting your visit, smoking the weed.

[Kiltrash]

No you don't have to be a Lesbian to give Mouth to mouth resuscitation ....but it's more natural if you are...

[Kiltrash]

The camouflage is not working with this one.

[Kiltrash]

Debbie later regretted letting Paul practice his magic trick on her ...

[Kiltrash]

Congratulations ladies you have all passed your parachute basic training....with only a 10% failure rate is acceptable....there is a war on you know...

[Kiltrash]

Allowed one question and one question only no one expected the Sargent to enquire does the Queen carry smelling salts In her handbag.

[treadigraph]

Too busy looking at Her Majesty, nobody noticed Sergeant Harvey get struck by lightning...

[Kiltrash]

The band were tasked with changing the salute to be the Imperial Death March...

[NutLoose]

But surely Ma'am, there is no greater act than to lay one's self down for one's Country?

[NutLoose]

Ma'am, its only Friday and she is a weekend warrior.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/700x467/image_c69da2081c1d8ea15346fdf39bbd368c094b1eef.png

[NutLoose]

That's what you get when you use cheap batteries Ma'am, she should have used Duracells with the copper coloured tops like the rest of us.

[Confusious]

"We did warn her ma'am; three stripes and you're out"

[NutLoose]

I say,can you point one in the direction of the Sgts mess?
Just follow the line Ma'am, you can't miss it

[Confusious]

"Please excuse me ladies, I need to go and check that wasn't a wet one."

[Kiltrash]

Oh her, no, she's a Suffragette....getting in practice for the Queen Mother's Stakes next week...

[Kiltrash]

If she's a committed Republican then just why did she sign up and take the King's Shilling...

[Dan Gerous]

Damn, I thought it was a Scottish Regiment providing the music and I would see right up their kilts.

[Confusious]

"I must say my dear, it looks like your sergeant has designs on being a commando."

[NutLoose]

Yes Ma’am, she took the Kings shilling, the problem is she found it addictive and took a shilling from every member of the band too.

[ShyTorque]

Sudden realisation that she was in fact the only female in the troop came as an untimely shock to the poor Sergeant Elspeth.

[Kiltrash]

Having spent so long discussing the finer points of servicing a Bedford 6 tonner with particular emphasis on how best grease the streering nipples with Cpl Nutloose, Staff Sargent Hyman suddenly lost the will to live.

[Kiltrash]

No Ma'am, she's transferring to the Air Force...
but she's afraid of heights...
Or
Just wants tol be sure the Earth's flat..

[Wensleydale]

Judging Tomorrow!

[MPN11]

RSM, shouting “Carry On, Sergeant” isn’t going to help. “Stretcher Bearer” might be more appropriate.

[Hydromet]

"Forget the medic, get the chaplain. He's always talking about saving fallen women."
"I wonder if he'd save one for me."

[NutLoose]

But Ma’am, surely you have Daisies on your lawn too?

[NutLoose]

Well what did you expect Ma’am, this is after all, our passing out parade

[Kiltrash]

At Balmoral Castle the Queen's Coffin bearer party get in some last minute pep talk....now all we need is a body .

[Kiltrash]

The QM was later criticised for turning up the hems of the girls uniform skirts.. it was to be just above the ankle as demonstrated by the Queen, not just above the knee...

[Kiltrash]

...and finally...
The Just Stop Oil protesters later regretted stepping in front of the Duke's 4 in hand carriage.

[NutLoose]

She’s part of our crazy golf course, but you will have to give the ball a good wack to get it in the hole Ma’am

[Wensleydale]

As the sniper attached to the Royal Protection Squad notches up an American actress to add to the French driver, it is time to judge the competition. The winner is:

That's not what is normally meant by ' Passing out Parade "

(Sorry Nutty - he got in before you).

The CST is on its way in the Gold Coach.

[NutLoose]

No problem, I never read his entries anyway, ;) War and Peace is shorter and easier to plow through :p

Congrats Kiltrash :D

[Kiltrash]

Robotic voice...
yes Ma'am your collers of obedience ensure our blind faith in your Officers and Political leaders...however the force is strong in this one..

Oh thanks Wensleydale...may I offer up in time for the upcoming extra Bank holiday in May...

See what the assembled throng can make of this ...winner will be sent to the Tower...

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1000x750/633ef506b3e94d001977e1f1_jpeg_40e63432c75fd2fab585677e2a3d6d a9afee53f9.jpg

[ShyTorque]

(Not a caption). What a cracking picture!

[treadigraph]

Oi! That's my kilt you've nicked!

[Ninthace]

Remind me. Do you put your posy in my receptacle or do I put mine in yours. It has been a while.

[treadigraph]

Gawd strewth! Andrew might not sweat but he doesn't half fart!

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry my dear I have Andrews chemical castration kit right here, all we need now is a plausible excuse to get him to drink it.

[Confusious]

My first job after the coronation will be to lift the ban on this nitrous oxide stuff.

[NutLoose]

I wouldn’t mind, but I wouldn’t recognise a sheep from a lama

[NutLoose]

When a said I wanted to be your tampon I didn’t expect it to have sprouted flowers.

[NutLoose]

My dear, at my age my cane is the only thing that gets a horn on.

[Confusious]

"Here, have a taste of my Cock-a-leekie."

[NutLoose]

Look dear, when I look in the bowl I can see my reflection in the liquid and they have polished the silver handles so I can see my ears too.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1000x750/image_5f1ab35784c12c9888feba59d96534773eb58106.jpeg

[ShyTorque]

I say Charles, are they your knees or are your flies undone?

[NutLoose]

At least we don’t have to meet that horrible woman this year from the SNP.

[NutLoose]

So he said he’d like to present me with this wee bowl, how was I to know wee meant small in Scotland, he didn’t look impressed when I slipped it under my kilt and filled it.

[Buster Hyman]

Whilst Putin relies on doubles, in Britain, they have Spitting Image puppets!

[Buster Hyman]

“…and I said Visit Kyiv? But I already have a U-Cane…”

[NutLoose]

So I was sat on the throne and I pulled the handle to flush and it came off in my hand.

[Kiltrash]

Not a Caption, Nuttys efforts won't count as I have a filter to exclude his replies 😄😄
No seriously I include all efforts to show inclusive to all ..

[Confusious]

"Now that mummy's gone, we have a pot to p1ss in."

[Dan Gerous]

They're Harry's balls. I had those awfully nice SAS chaps remove them. Of course he hasn't even noticed.

[Ascend Charlie]

An old tartan skirt and an old tart in a skirt...

[Wensleydale]

Its the same stuff that her driver had been drinking!

[andrewmcharlton]

I mean for goodness sake he's Ginger, they'll never believe he killed 25 fighters , he'd catch fire in the sun!

[fitliker]

Just finished sampling the 25 year old Macallan from the Quaich and some tourists dropped some coins in it and told me to buy some trousers .

[Hydromet]

One thinks someone may have slipped some GHB into one's drink.

[NutLoose]

Porridge, Jesus, how can these jocks eat this sh*te

[NutLoose]

It’s a loving cup my dear, I gave one to Diana years ago, but that one only had one handle.

[Buster Hyman]

"...and when I'm King, I'll ban these sodding dresses!"

[Buster Hyman]

And this is why they call me Chuck in the Antipodes!

[treadigraph]

QC: So what did you reply to Harry?

KC: Who's King?

[NutLoose]

So I told Harry straight, the nearest he will ever get to a King is a Burger King

[SLXOwft]

So, I said is this one of Parker's ... ?

[622]

...and then he said is it alright if I bring the wife and kids....

[622]

...Are you sure this is the Orb and Sceptre?...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1000x750/image_7bff780332ec66d9f8ea509c7163fe5c37d06317.png

[NutLoose]

Maybe If i get them to knock up another one they would give you some more support Dear.

[NutLoose]

Stop blowing your bogies onto the flowers, someone might see.

[Confusious]

Go on dear, have another sip of this Wild Mushroom Scotch broth.

[NutLoose]

Iv'e just learnt, I am supposed to give Maundy money to the peasants, one always thought it was the other way round, no wonder my collection bowl is empty.

[treadigraph]

Hamish!

Dougal!

Ye'll have had your tea...

[622]

...and he said to me "I'll prove I'm a McDonald" lifted up his kilt and waved his Quarter pounder at me!..

[fdr]

"The stone had tasted better... !"

[MPN11]

"It's a quaich ... I know It sound like a duck but it's just a drinking vessel, dear."

[Confusious]

The mayor of Islay has just presented me with this wooden bowl. Funny thing is I can't recall what I did in 1994 to deserve it.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Did that woman say you need your stick to control the wolfhound?"
"No, it was Rottweiler, dear."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Honestly, it's a hand carved wooden replica of a traditional saxon helmet. They've just had to adjust the ear flaps a bit, that's all.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Camilla

What the fox hat ?

[Ascend Charlie]

"...and then Nutty said, Kiltrash thinks he's going to win this one too!"

[sealo0]

KC: Do you think I can use this when I grow up?
QC: I don’t know, Dear, when are you going to grow up?

[622]

No dear, when I said '"Give it a rub and see what pops up" I meant this magic lamp...not my sporran!

[Confusious]

Some joker just gave me this to sort your roots out.

[cavuman1]

First it was King Arthur and the sword in the stone; now it's King Charles, the gourd and the stones.

- Ed

[Buster Hyman]

Chuck was amused until he realised that they weren’t calling him the Tartan King!

[ShyTorque]

Nichola Sturgeon just asked how she could get a royal pardon…….now she’s taken all her clothes off and dived head first up the front of my kilt!

[Kiltrash]

Am sure this could run and run but to make choosing simpler gonna call during my breakfast In the morning...so thinking caps on and LAST ORDERS PLEASE ..ding..ding..

[NutLoose]

Who said I hadn't got a pot to piss in...

[MPN11]

What chance of Scottish Independence now, eh?

[Hydromet]

He said "Here, Chuck" and gave me this. "How did he know I'd had a bad oyster?"

[Kiltrash]

I am amazed no one had a quip about that terrible Scottish Affliction A Kilt Rash..... of which I am a fully paid up member of the travelling Tartan Army...
Or about Charles being a real (caber) tosser...

However the winner this time round just had to be Shy with...

I say Charles, are they your knees or are your flies undone?

The CST will be sent from the Islands when the gathering is ovver for another year,

and a first looser bogey prize of a years supply of Porridge go to Nutty for ..

Porridge, Jesus, how can these jocks eat this sh*te

[ShyTorque]

In the words of Victor Meldrew…. I don’t beliiiiieve it!
My apology but I’m away on a travelling holiday and have no chance of learning how to post a photo from my mobile phone, not that I have any suitable ones stored thereupon.

Nutty…as runner up please don yer sporran, yer on!

If not, it can be open house.

[Kiltrash]

Nutty would you like to put one-up, or I am willing ...
K

[Confusious]

Nutty would you like to put one-up, or I am willing ...
K
I think that he's feeling a bit under the weather. Get well soon Nutty!

[NutLoose]

Enjoy your travelling holiday, just you and your mates please keep your transit vans and caravans off my local council park.


Ok, open house to those that have won 5 or less competitions. First come first served..

[jolihokistix]

I had a pretty decent (indecent?) one, but now I can't find it. Grrr....