Caption Competition Mk III

[NutLoose]

You there, Captain Blue and Captain Scarlet, come join the Captain Brown twins, together we will conquer the World.

[NutLoose]

Gargling with salt water or drinking lonicera japonica or willow leaf tea will fight the Covid infection my chief adviser wun hungsoon advises me.

[NutLoose]

I know I starve the population, but no more eating Snakes or Bats ok, Soil is good for the digestive system..

[NutLoose]

If you Tom Cluse, then I be your wingman ass man.

[fdr]

No, no, no, point the flak cannon over there, yes, towards the roses; they need more blood and bone....

[Kiltrash]

Having stuck his finger in his ear and picked up a bit of wax, looks for the official finger licker. .
or
You Colonel, you say it's " Finger Licking Good "

[Kiltrash]

The sunglasses that go completely black at the first sign of danger.... best sellers in North Korea...

[Kiltrash]

Danny Boyle calls ' Action ' and Kim leads the latest Ballistic Missle out the Hanger in slow motion..
Na never get made, far too far-fetched ...

[Kiltrash]

Great Leaders Medal Man was late on set and was never heard from again

[622]

Errr, General.....is our latest test missile there supposed to be coming back towards us?

...You use American electronics again.!!.

[MPN11]

“You there, Cheese Vendor … come here … do you have Wensleydale.”

[treadigraph]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_f6cfa868a51f9f7d6a3ef7c47fb8bab835230b6c.png

[NutLoose]

You there, smell my finger, its just been in something brown.


..

[Kiltrash]

World War 3. This is the finger that started it all....

[Kiltrash]

There, proof positive, there's plenty food, look at us 3 all examples of the food situation in our country. The peasants are not starving..
Reporter, yes but where are all the dogs??

[treadigraph]

This Korean version of "point and shoot". I point, they shoot...

[NutLoose]

That flucking wussian, he make me look good..

[NutLoose]

Shuta da face

[NutLoose]

Ahh General the main carpark is full, but you can park over there in the centre of those three circles.

[MPN11]

Hey, YOU … where MY Jubilee?

[NutLoose]

Smell my finger, I stick it in a dyke.

[SLXOwft]

Kim Wrong-un, the supreme leader's body double, practicing early in the failed(?) plot to substitute him for Donald Trump at the 2018 DPRK - US summit.

[Kiltrash]

No don't believe the Sat Nav, I know America is that-a-way...

[treadigraph]

We live in "no blame me culture". We don't have problems, you have problems. Ask not what your country can do for you, ask instead what your country will do you for if you don't do what I tell you...

[MPN11]

“TAXI” ……

[Dan Gerous]

Oi Cruise, you short arse. I taller than you.

[cynicalint]

Yoo Haloo! Deserter's there...after him!

[cynicalint]

NO! He now the craziest leader!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

All those who are current Generals in DPRK Army take one step forward. You there, General Kim, not so fast!

[fdr]

"uncle, pull it, I dare you..."

[Kiltrash]

You reporter, I will take from you question 3b. And make sure you read it word perfect.

[Kiltrash]

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with G...
General..??.
no
Great Leader in a mirror??
yes but not the answer I was looking for
oh we give up...
Global Thermonuclear War ..

[Kiltrash]

General thinks. ..Ye Gods he's really lost it now thinks he's talking with a invisible bird on his finger..
General however actually says " Yes great Leader that's a truly magnificent Parrot on your hand, just look at the plumage .."

[treadigraph]

LFO: Wowwwwww... That. Is. Amazing... my finger is melting...

Aid on left to aid on right: Where you say you found those mushrooms he had for breakfast?

[NutLoose]

Hey, that's my fluking twophy, I earn it many times on pprune, bling it here

[NutLoose]

My willie is this long and any of you with longer will be executed..

[fitliker]

Photo picture quality makes it difficult to discern if the leather is genuine Goatskin , water Buffalo hide , or a former relatives hide that may have apparently been used for making shade for a desk lamp .

[NutLoose]

Do not wowwy Countwy men, I can destwoy the west with our nucwear weapons, I have my fingur on the button..... WAIT.......Were is the bwloody button?

[NutLoose]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/image_f6cfa868a51f9f7d6a3ef7c47fb8bab835230b6c_d3f57008e5ff4 153893b6a6b737c6901925b5adb.png

[treadigraph]

New prescription sunglasses velly good. Can read top line of chart easy: "E". Who say I should have gone to Specsavers?

[NutLoose]

You there, I have had a mortar round fired at you, if you catch it you live, if not you die.

[NutLoose]

I need five volunteers for my annual hare coursing challenge, unfortunately we have no hares, as dogs have them for last meal weeks ago... you, you, you and you will be hares, and you too fatty, dogs no eat for long time...

[Kiltrash]

You, can be wife no 7....after all Henry only had 6 wife's. .Generals get rid of No's 1-6, inclusive. Just make sure they're never found..

[NutLoose]

I follow Vladimirs doctrine and can reduce Generals numbers required for combat, you, you and you, prepare to die.

[Kiltrash]

This black camouflage don't work, I can clearly see my hand

[Kiltrash]

Why Yes, I am holding the World Cup 2022 won by our glorious DPRK Football team, the final was close, we beat England 10-0 and Harry Kane scored 3 own goals...
psst Please photoshop in the trophy. ..

[MPN11]

“Ah, excellent … look … my psychiatrist has arrived.”

[Kiltrash]

General left thinks...' He wants to play bare chested beach volleyball ?' I need to have a word with the oposition it's best to let him win...2 on 1 no contest...I hope my wife is adequately insured...Gulp
ï

[Kiltrash]

You, ...Medal Man... I give you one task and ONLY one task
..and your late on parade. . I won't give you a second chance...Generals take him away
.and all his family...and want his dog..with rice tonight..
Ps off to Scotland Vs Ukraine, whatever happens tonight you won't get much from me tomorrow, I'll either be in George Square getting smashed out my mind...or hanging from the nearest lamp post..

[Ascend Charlie]

"You! Over there! Bring some notepads, my Generals have filled theirs up."

[cavuman1]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/336x400/let_me_tell_you_your_country_2df4b74702c494008d474a43013bbd2 7202aa7c3.jpeg

(Courtesy of Nutloose!)

- Ed

[Chu Chu]

Things are slowing down, so I’ll point the finger tonight.

[Buster Hyman]

"You get a firing squad, and you get a firing squad, and you get a firing squad! Everyone gets a firing squad!!!!"

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/300x204/oprah_you_cfbed59f96105eb9d9f2058ea2328f5806607e02.gif

[Kiltrash]

007 thought this was one of Q's better gadgets, all he does is to think and the finger automatically cocks up to reveal the barrel of his PPK, however the location of the reloads still needed a bit more thought. ..

[NutLoose]

And with this finger I buster hymen..

[Dan Gerous]

Oh look, the Red Arrows.

[treadigraph]

There is absolutely no end to my talents, I even check my own prostate...

[Chu Chu]

As usual, a lot of great entries -- almost too many, it feels like. But only a few can reach the front rank, and these are the ones that made me laugh the most:.

In third place is Nutloose, for "I have just got off the phwone with my fweind Vladimir, which one of you fluckers sold him dodgy tyres for his twucks?"

Tied for second are MPN11 and Dan Gerous "Hey, YOU … where MY Jubilee?" and "Oh look, the Red Arrows."

And because I can never resist a bad pun, the winner is Treadigraph with "K-Pop sensations Prink Froid at work on a video for their new album "The DPRK Side of the Loon"..."

Congratulations, Treadigraph! The trophy is being smuggled across the DMZ as we speak.

[treadigraph]

Thank you Chu Chu! :). Try this one over the weekend...

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1920x1200/telemmglpict000298369701_1_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqpvlberwd9egfpzt climqf0rf_wk3v23h2268p_xkpxc_eeb84754ce087a37b904b7417950aa9 728c06c33.jpeg

[Buster Hyman]

"I'm sick to bluddy death of hearing about Harry & Meaghan!!!"

[Buster Hyman]

Chuck: "Well done Kate. The best Wedgies makes their arms curl up!"

[Buster Hyman]

Betty: "One day, this will all be yours...including Boris!"

[Kiltrash]

Been reading the Congratulations cards, there's one from Kim...
Who Kardashiasians or Jung Un??

[Kiltrash]

Louis wishes his mum had not taken him to get his ears syringed...

[Kiltrash]

Charlotte hopes one day her Prince will come...
Andrew off camera..I'm here ..

[Kiltrash]

Charlie. ..just wish name tags were part off the dress code
Betty...Well normally one knows ones own name...

[Buster Hyman]

Chuck: "No, Mummy will be around for a long, long time..."
Betty: "When do the Hurricanes get here?"

[Kiltrash]

I see that nice Mr Biden sent a flight of F-15 as we don't have enough fighter jets to worry even Estonia. Ask if we can please keep them..

[Hydromet]

Charlotte: So he got you with his 'Pull my finger' trick again, Louis.

[Kiltrash]

Mummy I have had the Met Police on the phone, seems a member of the public feels we are breaking Covid Regulations as Andrew is currently infected.
That's all right I sorted it with a donation to their pension fund of £12m l. Took it out his inheritance

[Dan Gerous]

I hear Huw Edwards flypast commentary is a hoot.

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1920x1200/telemmglpict000298369701_1_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqpvlberwd9egfpzt climqf0rf_wk3v23h2268p_xkpxc_eeb84754ce087a37b904b7417950aa9 728c06c33.jpeg

[MPN11]

"Oh, that joke is sooo old!"

[Ascend Charlie]

(Chucky) "Should we tell Betty that her walking stick poked a hole in Louis' foot?"

[Chu Chu]

I hate it when they talk about Andrew and Virginia.

[SLXOwft]

Children cover your ears!

... and I said to Andrew, just agree to the Covid cover story or someone will claim it's Monkey Pox.

[MPN11]

"Who farted?"

[Kiltrash]

Kate whispers....are you going to have a investigation who nicked Nans up turned Orange box to stand on...
Chuck replies...well yes I was going to get that Sue Gray to do it, she gets to the bottom of everything. .

[Kiltrash]

NHS horrified that a small child was allowed to be exposed to 95db without appropriate PPE...
Social Services are getting involved

[Kiltrash]

Charles whispers .....When I'm King i wil give Andrew the honour of Duke of Croydon, Harry's gets York...

[Kiltrash]

Charles whispers to Kate... Psst which bit of " Working Royals Only " on the invite applies to ....them...

[NutLoose]

Well I for one haven’t received the medal, what about you.?

[NutLoose]

He does that ever since he saw the Horse artillery chap firing the 25 pounder, it lets me know he’s dropped a two pounder in his shorts.

[NutLoose]

She looks more and more like yoda every day, don’t you think…




..

[Kiltrash]

In the latest PPRUNE competition to ' Change one word to make a little more sense.
" I' think i'll change yoga to yoda.. Bob "
Kate looks horrified
​​​​​​

[MPN11]

Charles: Shame Andrew caught Tactical Covid, eh?"

[NutLoose]

Yes, her dress was commissioned from Wedgwood.

[Kiltrash]

Just behind HMTQ the ghost of the DoE was only visible to Louis

[Kiltrash]

Charlotte was so pleased Great Grandnan had survived to June 3rd. Otherwise it was Double History and Metalwork at school.

[Kiltrash]

Kate....YES HE IS LOUD ....
Charles....Sorry what did you say, your child is making a horrible racket...
HMTQ....I can't hear the crowd cheering, need to get my hearing aid checked..

[NutLoose]

I’d keep an eye on your daughter, Andrews on the prowl.

[Self loading bear]

No need for any Dutch contributions, you are trashing your Royals just fine yourselves.

[NutLoose]

Smile for the punters dear, they are paying to keep us in Bollinger


.

[Chu Chu]

Have you considered retirement? It worked for Queen Beatrix.

[Kiltrash]

When I'm King I will reactivate the Tower and Traitors Gate, first in will be the Usual Suspects on PPRuNe. Mother has been far to lenient with them...

[Kiltrash]

During my meetings with the Prime Manister I'm going to have Sir Ian Hislop MBE KC as my Political Advisor..
( yes I know Royals don't get involved Politics but wouldn't it be fun..😊)

[Kiltrash]

Kate, why Yes I WAS playing Hoopla with the children just before comming here, but how did you know??

[Ascend Charlie]

(Chuckles) "Shall I lend you my sword so you can lop his blasted head off?"
(Kate) "How about I lop yours off, you old fool, and Willy can take over as King?"

[Kiltrash]

Kate, when mummy's gone I want you to be the President of the Woman's Institution at Sandringham, it's not really my scene, or i'll have to volunteer Edward...

[SASless]

Owing to Budget reductions at the Firm, Jug Ears had to settle for a Idi Amin Da Da hand me down.

[MPN11]

"You do realise I'm going to have to pay for another medal to be added to my rack?"

[NutLoose]

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1920x1200/image_0cb6ddd216ad02343f1e793405a0e0938060f450.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Wait until you see the dress Camilla will wear on stage at the concert tonight, she looks like she should be in the latest Harry Potter movie.

​​​​​​…

[NutLoose]

So have you told Louis, you are planning to have him circumcised?


..

[NutLoose]

Yersss, Camilla found them on the curtains in the foyer and thought they would add a bit of bling, what do you think?

[NutLoose]

Yess, it’s multifunctional, she can use it as a walking stick, but it has a sword in it for cutting the odd ceremonial cake, the handle can also be used to hook the odd sheep too, but she has found it handy for rounding up the grandchildren.

[NutLoose]

I’m looking forward to the Flypast though I hear they have retired the 146, I tried to retire one myself, don’t you know..

[Buster Hyman]

Chuck: "My apologies Kate. Tell the little one that I won't mention "commoners" again..."

[Kiltrash]

Hope the children will love the Ma'amalade Sndwiches..

[Kiltrash]

I thought the Palace was a no fly zone...

[Kiltrash]

Charles...I do hope Harry and Maghan found a vantage point to watch the flypast....California. .
Kate.... well according to Instgram they had a tent down there ..

[fdr]

Chuck: "of course, your son could well end up being the next King, at the rate this isn't going...."
G-Man: "Nooooooooooooo..... "

[Kiltrash]

So who let Jeanette Charles in...again

[Kiltrash]

Kate...What's the big red knob by her side for??
Charlie. ..Well she has been promoted to Commander -in Chief ( by Sky News ) So needs the Nuclear Button wherever she goes...
.

[Dan Gerous]

Louis, "Im telling you, I did see Paddington in the house last week"

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1920x1200/image_0cb6ddd216ad02343f1e793405a0e0938060f450.jpeg

[NutLoose]

Well someone told me it was fancy dress, I’m just glad I never came as Batman, I see one of the Trotters has and it would have been faux pas to turn up in the same costume.

[Dan Gerous]

Aw, poor Boris.

[treadigraph]

I'll call it around 8pm this evening!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Great granny didn't give me the marmalade sandwich!! WAAAAAHHHH!"

[NutLoose]

And when I’m king I’ll invite you to my Platinum Anniversary.

[NutLoose]

You do realise in the Russian Army it’s the senior officers that are getting whacked.

[Kiltrash]

Louis was not impressed when he tried a Marmite sandwich. ..Vegemite for our Australian friends

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

Charles: "Kate, what on earth did you do to the poor lad? He looks traumatised. "

Kate: "Just for giggles i told him he'd probably have to join the RAF one day"

[Kiltrash]

Chuck...I see Louis is a tad scared of the F35b's thay are marketed as quiet. Hope he won't be frightened of the 25 foot tall Corgi on Saturday...
Charlotte. ..Well mummy he was REALLY scared when we saw daddy bending over getting out the shower ..
( If that don't get me sent to the Tower 😊 )

[Kiltrash]

Noooo I want to join the Navy and be a desk Admiral...

[Kiltrash]

Louis finds that Male hair loss runs in THE family

[NutLoose]

Louis tries his see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil therapy lessons, but every time he looks around he see’s Uncle Andrew.

[NutLoose]

Tell him the Boogie man will get him, and I’ll give Andrew a shout.

[Kiltrash]

You mean I have to do ALL this again in 4 days time for the pageant? ?

[Kiltrash]

Thank God Andrew was NOT there? I might have had to passed over and sat on his knee...said Charlotte.

[Kiltrash]

...and finally ... Kate asked Charles for tips when Wills is old and doddery waiting for his dad to die off and he becomes king...

[Kiltrash]

Sorry..and finally finally ( honest )
Prince Louis's Teacher looks forward to asking her charges, " what did you do to celebrate the Platinum Jubilee over the long weekend. ? "

[treadigraph]

OK, the runners up in no particular order....

Buster
"I'm sick to bluddy death of hearing about Harry & Meaghan!!!"

Nutty
He does that ever since he saw the Horse artillery chap firing the 25 pounder, it lets me know he’s dropped a two pounder in his shorts.
and
Yes, her dress was commissioned from Wedgwood.
Dan Gerous
Louis, "Im telling you, I did see Paddington in the house last week"
But tonight's winner despite mentioning Andrew and Croydon in the same breath is Kiltrash with:
Charlotte was so pleased Great Grandnan had survived to June 3rd. Otherwise it was Double History and Metalwork at school.

Well done mate, the CST can be found on a certain balcony overlooking The Mall - careful there are no marmalade sandwiches secreted therein...

[Kiltrash]

Many thanks Treadigraph, on my way back from the Pageant as we speak so BR permitting home in a hour or so. Ps although I'm not a Royalist it was a great show..
K

[Kiltrash]

OK everyone if I may offer up this great World Leader that needs the recognition he deserves from the PPRuNe community please

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x495/johnson_with_zelensky_1_42d5c7e1eb96e2728fa5c1cecde8c765b9a7 d415.jpg

[treadigraph]

You might have worn a camouflaged tie, Prime Minister!

[NutLoose]

We call this the five fingered shuffle..

[NutLoose]

So if you agree I can have 5000 Boris bikes here tomorrow.

[NutLoose]

Not a car in sight, I did warn you this could happen, you should never have let Sadiq Khan plan your Kyiv transport policy.

[NutLoose]

The two armed chaps, do you think I could possibly borrow them, having them stand behind me at PM’s question time might quell some dissenting voices.

[NutLoose]

I have noted the Russians send in forced conscripts first to weaken the line before committing their front line Troops, therefore what I am offering is some forced conscripts, I will initially send the Labour Party members with the SNP to follow on.

[NutLoose]

No please, no more ceramic cockerels

[cynicalint]

If I were you, I would have five separate gatherings there, two over there.....

[SASless]

Soldier to the other...."Our Boss is a great World Leader....only thing great about that other Loon is his arse!".

[Chu Chu]

And after you leave the EU, you can grasp your own future . . . er. . .

[cavuman1]

We can set the party tent up over there....

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

(Soldier on right) "Waddaya mean, my haircut is nearly as stupid as Boris's?"

[Buster Hyman]

Thank you for visiting Mr. President. Any support you can give us here in Liverpool would be greatly appreciated!

[Buster Hyman]

Whilst I'm disappointed you didn't want to join me on the Zip line behind us, I've organised a game of Rugby with some school kids that you might enjoy. I certainly did!

[treadigraph]

I'd quite like one of those many Russian tanks you seem to have "acquired" recently - look rather good at the entrance to Downing Street!

[MPN11]

"... and, Mr President, I will also send to you, personally, a selection of civilian suits and ties."

[treadigraph]

Macron visiting you? No chance, he'd need a note from teacher...

[Dan Gerous]

Can you get these photographers away or get me a Ukraine branded hi-vis jacket

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x495/johnson_with_zelensky_1_42d5c7e1eb96e2728fa5c1cecde8c765b9a7 d415.jpg

[622]

Soldier 1 to soldier 2 " No idea, but he needs a bloody good haircut!"

[622]

Soldier 1 to soldier 2 "I will be glad to get out of here and back to the Ukraine ....this East London is a dangerous place!"

[Buster Hyman]

"You do know Prime Minister, that I don't get a vote in the No Confidence motion, even if I did want to vote for you..."

[treadigraph]

Soldier 1 to soldier 2 "I will be glad to get out of here and back to the Ukraine ....this East London is a dangerous place!"

Or...

To be perfectly honest Boris, this visit to Croydon feels less safe than Kyiv...

Don't worry Vlod, there's a decent pub just around the corner!

[MPN11]

"Well, I know the feeling. I'm being targeted by at least 54 Back-Bench Drones ..."

[SLXOwft]

Soldier (r) to soldier (l) '...platitudes, lies and empty promises, it must be Putin in disguise.'

or

Comedian (l) to ex-comedian (r) 'When you clear this lot up, you should build a garden bridge - I have a set of plans I don't need any more.'

[NutLoose]

Well. That’s guaranteed your vote was a success now you need to keep us in power.

[cynicalint]

You've got the hard hat on, YOU tell him that boob is a hologram!

[cavuman1]

Q. What's the difference between Paddington and Boris?
A. Paddington knows how to behave when he's got a bear (bare) ass!

Comments to Volodymyr Zelenskyy

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Last orders please. Call this one 10pm uk tonight

[NutLoose]

I’ll get this shout in, 5 beers luv..

[fdr]

"why is talking about carp ponds?"

[Kiltrash]

Sorry everyone, was delayed with a family emergency involving the fast Ambulance service but the patient is now safe in hospital. Many thanks to Ian and James the Paramedics that attended...
However the votes have been received, counted and verified I can revel the 1st looser, ie runner up is Buster with

Thank you for visiting Mr. President. Any support you can give us here in Liverpool would be greatly appreciated!

However the winner for another 4 years can only be MPN With

"Well, I know the feeling. I'm being targeted by at least 54 Back-Bench Drones ..."

[MPN11]

Thank you, Kiltrash!

Unfortunately I have nothing prepared, and I'm rather busy right now... would Buster be kind enough to take the reins?

[NutLoose]

It's been so long since he won one, you might need to refresh Busters mind as to the rules :E

[MPN11]

It's been so long since he won one, you might need to refresh Busters mind as to the rules :E
Miaow!

OK, anyone else if he doesn't respond by noon?

[Buster Hyman]

Back away from the keyboard Nutty, I’ve got this…


https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/631x300/f5426250_f6bd_4a2b_b094_2f27c6f51931_a38a5f05e29cc69c9596be1 e90e32952c09c75c3.jpeg

[622]

"How long has Fido smoked?"

"Ever since he was rostered with Hoskins!"

[622]

"Now look N***er, that will kill you!
..put it out and go for a healthy run on the road outside instead!"

[622]

"How are the Cigars?"

"Rough!"

[MPN11]

Fido’s callsign was, curiously, ‘Winston’.

[treadigraph]

Bit late on the roll up, Hoskins...

[treadigraph]

Seen in one of the inspection hatches atop the envelope, mechanic Fritz Von Hoskins and the ship's dog Stoffel share a quick cigar to celebrate The Hindenberg's safe arrival at Lakehurst, NJ...

[NutLoose]

Well we're not testing cosmetics out on him are we, said Bert Woodbine of the The Tobacco Manufacturers' Association

[NutLoose]

Well we had to give him something to take his mind off things as we sawed his horns off at the stump, and he grew addicted.

[NutLoose]

I said, Smoke Me A Kipper and i'll be back for breakfast!!!

[NutLoose]

Well he could never get on with chewing tobbaco on account that he couldn't spit.


..

[Chu Chu]

I knew it was a mistake telling Hoskins to read Robert L. Scott’s memoir.

[Kiltrash]

Talk to me Goose..
Look for the Forth time, I'm NOT a goose ...im a dog
Well the last dog I had in the cockpit, she's now my wife..

[Kiltrash]

Early Isle of Man picture of the Sidecar TT. ..
Well the rules say there has to be a passenger..

[Kiltrash]

Ryanair check their T&C's and there were no regulation about nervous flyer animal support..

[Kiltrash]

At Pendine, Sir Malcolm takes his pooch for a spin, and enters the Guinness Book of World Records for the fastest dog....
Yes but the Cigar.?
Well i had to entice him with something but I had run out of Bonio...

[Kiltrash]

At Brooklands the " Run what you Brung " on the banked circuit gets mixed up with the Greyhound race..

[treadigraph]

I keep finding dog ends in the cockpit...

[Chu Chu]

Better a dog in the cockpit than a fox in the henhouse.

[treadigraph]

Oh God! I said "Sit!" and he misheard me over the slipstream...

[NutLoose]

Boscombe Downs Aircraft Test & Evaluation Sqn noted that while overall the general handling was positive, rudder control could be a bit hit and miss due to the dog attempting to hump the pilots leg.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/631x300/image_eb36eed2297d2fdd0a07a43c7e9640108a790667.jpeg


Having not got any maps Pilot Hoskins was convinced the Nav was navigating his route via a dogleg.

[NutLoose]

Penelope Pitstop prepare to lose, I have Mutley to help me…

[treadigraph]

I'm here to feed the dog. The dog's here to make sure I don't touch the controls. I haven't yet discovered the cigar's purpose... but the dog is called Clinton.

[SASless]

The RAF's first Female Nav was a stunner!

[Ascend Charlie]

"How does it handle? It's a bit of a dog!"

or

"His callsign is Pat. Pat the dog."

[Kiltrash]

After the Jubilee Flypast the Pilot dropped off 1 (f) squadron mascot at Battersea so he could have a night out with the ladies ...

[Kiltrash]

Well if I get shot down over England the Tommies won't shoot me as a Spy, I'll tell them I'm David Blunkett. ..

[Kiltrash]

Churchill did so want to be at Normandy for D-Day. However he had to be content by sending No 10's dog ...

[treadigraph]

Actually I had two of them. But they got into a bit of a dogfight at 10000' over Hendon a couple of days ago and unfortunately for Rover... well, you know the War Office's view on parachutes...

[treadigraph]

Did I make a good landing? It was close but no cigar...

[CAEBr]

It seems pilots have suffered from someone in the rear cockpit barking out rubbish for longer than you might have thought.......

[Self loading bear]

Clouseau: How could a dewg be a lookout?
Dreyfus: How can an idiot be a pilot? Answer me that!
Clouseau: Well, it's very simple...all you do is enlist and.....

[Chu Chu]

Don’t let the cigar fool you — my nav’s a real bitch.

[fdr]

the RSPCA eventually demanded the Red Arrows add oil to their exhausts....

[cavuman1]

"Not only can he fly, he can pack parachutes! That's why I named him Rigger!"

- Ed

[cavuman1]

"I can't wait to meet Monica Lewinsky!", thought the dog, as Pilot Clinton adjusted his goggles and put the aircraft into an inverted flat spin.

- Ed

[cynicalint]

Just as well you can't see what his sister has in her mouth!

[NutLoose]

Monsieur Hoskins promised his Nav that they would avoid Hartlepool.


https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofEngland/The-Hanging-of-the-Hartlepool-Monkey/

[Chu Chu]

And then Lt. Schultz replaced the cigar with a scarf, and history was created.

[NutLoose]

I’m Brown the Navigator and the pilot there, he’s Alcock and no trousers.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/631x300/image_bb9bdf2730a99e81ac3bbdaecf47f532bb08ce99.jpeg

[Kiltrash]

Well it's the only way I could get him off a bad habit...sniffing any bit of tail he came across...said Rover...make him a pilot, then he started yanking his joystick when all on his own

[Kiltrash]

Think this one troubled dog that not even Graeme Hall can help..

[Kiltrash]

After his stunning performance in Dambusters Frank heads off to star in Men in Black.

[NutLoose]

He is becoming a real pilot, he cocks his leg over the wheel before we depart.

[622]

"Apart from the smell, constant scratching and leaving little 'presents' in the cockpit, he's not too bad to fly with" ....said Fido.

[treadigraph]

This aircraft is a Flying Flea - so named for a very good reason...

[Kiltrash]

Don't think much of the ' Flush Rivet ' repair was it Nutty??

[Kiltrash]

Rivet Joint aircraft. ..the early years

[treadigraph]

Douglas Bader's callsign "Dog's Body" had a precedent...

[Kiltrash]

Great camouflage, the sky's the same colour as the Aircraft. ..Rover ... is it?? I'm colour blind

[treadigraph]

He's in the dog house... I'd just handed him control when he spotted a Tomcat going the other way...

[NutLoose]

We're veterans of the Battle of Barking Creek don't you know.

[NutLoose]

Of course he is big and showy, he is my Watch dog..

[Kiltrash]

James Cordons Carpool Karaoke looked better on the planning storyboard. ..it went down as a real dog. .

[Kiltrash]

My last Nav got us well lost, but with his sense of direction we'll get back on track ...
or
When it's 10 10th cloud cover he's better than any ILS ... What's ILS?? dunno but the boffins recon it's a cracker .... at herding sheep

[treadigraph]

Ummm, listen, when they said I screwed the pooch, they meant that I crashed. Not that I had initimate... you know... honest...

[MPN11]

… and when you next fancy a dump, just wait until we’re over THEIR lines in future.

[treadigraph]

Did you say he's a shih tzu?

[NutLoose]

Of course he’s behind me, smoking is always to the rear of the cabin.

[Kiltrash]

Obvious init, if we crash high up on the Matterhorn he's there to supply the yellow snow for the rescue teams...

[Kiltrash]

On my day off i take him stand up wakeboarding...well you don't think I can release the ropes with paws do you..

[Big Pistons Forever]

A picture of the RFC's finest...and on the left is a pilot

[Big Pistons Forever]

123's squadron mess mascot, Ginny the cat, is in for a shock..HeHeHeHe

[Big Pistons Forever]

What ! So I brought my dog to the dogfight, why does everyone think that's odd ?

[Big Pistons Forever]

Sadly the dog had to be taken into custody by the SPCA. Having to watch Bloggin's attempts to fly was deemed to be animal cruelty

[treadigraph]

'Kennel Snoopy, you nearly did for us that time...

[Chu Chu]

Dam it, Fido! If I wanted to hear "don't mind if I do" instead of a bearing for Havana, I could have stuck with a human navigator.

[Chu Chu]

I won’t say he has a high opinion of himself. But when I said I was going to shoot Sirius, he had three legs out of the cockpit before I could stop him.

[SASless]

Admiral Halsey....Naval Aviator....the early days.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The roster clerk's dyslexia became apparent when he was passed a note to "find another Sky God to cover the no-show".

[fdr]

"Rex, you fly well, but your R/T is barking mad"

[622]

"Sir, I think its an awfully cruel joke on Smithers to replace me as his Nav with a dog!"

"Don't worry Hoskins.....it was his request!"

[Kiltrash]

Don't worry Fido, we're not going anywhere near North Korea....you won't need that last cigarette

[treadigraph]

"Actually, that's not a cigar, I had him depenistrated...

[Kiltrash]

Early John Noakes and Shep stunt for Blue Peter gets off to a flying start...

[Kiltrash]

Sorry I cannot allow you to fly....
Oh why??...queried the Pilot
Your passenger cannot prove their Covid Distemper or Rabies Status...said the Ryanair Ground Agent

[fitliker]

Pilots job is to feed the dog , the dogs job is to bite the pilot if he attempts to touch the controls !

[fitliker]

That instructor sure is a mean old dog , and chews my bottom if the flight is less than the perfect standard .

I still have difficulty understanding his banter , Squiffy . Are you sure he is one of our well bred hounds and not one of those foreign puppies ?

[treadigraph]

Of course he can't :mad: fly it! But he can bark all the words to "A Bold Aviator..."

[Chu Chu]

I see you're working your nav like a dog.

Yeah. He almost walked, but I tossed him a transfer to Lancers next tour.