Caption Competition Mk III

[Kiltrash]

We put a 15 Watt bulb here and voila a lighthouse ..

[Dan Gerous]

Is it the Green and Yellow wire that's the Earth?

[Wensleydale]

"......and now all we have to do is fit it into the nose of the Tornado F2"!

[Dan Gerous]

"How do you know if the wire's live or not"?
"Touch it with your tongue".

[Dan Gerous]

Hey, we could stick this on top of a Shacklebomber, and use it for AEW.
What about the drag?
I'm sure the radar could overcome it.

[Wensleydale]

"Inverse Cassegrain electronic scanning arial?"

"No mate - we cut it from the side of an old Ford Transit".

[Dan Gerous]

Cook for 6 minutes and stir halfway through.

[Dan Gerous]

Well that's our end ready. Now as soon as NASA get their rover on Mars, we'll be able to receive the signal.

[Ascend Charlie]

The prototype mobile phone looked good, but needed a Leyland truck and a ferkin' long extension cord.

[Chu Chu]

Okay: Here's the plan. First, we wait for a leprechaun to come use the facilities. When he's inside doing his business, we turn on the radar. Then, when the enemy fires an ARM, we accuse them of targeting the little people.

[Ninthace]

Now be careful not to overwind it or the mainspring will go boing and the Earth will stop rotating.

[Beamr]

Eventually the soviets found use for the Chernobyls post box. They tested it as a long distance radiation dispenser. After the usefulness of this invention was realized they turned to short range polonium injections...

[Kiltrash]

Yep Bryson DeChambeau definitely has the World's Longest Drive

[Kiltrash]

I see a wining Cap Comp caption coming in from Buster. Ready to deploy the Magnificent Caption Automatic Screw up device

[Kiltrash]

Think I will call it Bloodhound. Can sniff out a buried stick even at night.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/945x1227/aviation24_4356cacd61e8050fcad0121c7f768b237d213d9e.jpg

Ahhhhhh, now I see what's causing the interference on my jersey...

[treadigraph]

There's a teletype message from Marconi, Mr Watt - it seems he's beaten us to a trans-Atlantic message. And he says to please stop bouncing signals off his transmitter...

[Kiltrash]

Scotty's first attempt at beaming Admiral Archers dog...
Successfully was it?
Let you know when he re appears

[Kiltrash]

Mr Watt on Right.
You know one day they will name a University after me..
Is that right Heriot

[Kiltrash]

Man kneeling down on the left

Bloody dog Sh1t. again, dunno why they can't bag it and dispose off..

[Kiltrash]

Man standing.
Nope still Emergency calls only.

[treadigraph]

The woman at Number 23 has been complaining about her broadband speeds again...

Right, pull her connector out and let's really give her something to complain about.

[Kiltrash]

Boffin on left.
Let me just connect the voice circuit and clean up the stutter.

EEXXTTEERRMMIINNAATTEE...

[treadigraph]

When they weren't doing a bodge job at Fawlty Towers, the O'Reilly Construction and Electronics Group were actually pretty good, a legacy stretching back to the Korean War...

[Kiltrash]

Mr Watt, I'm not exactly sure how this will propel people from Stockton to Darlington..
No you clot, I'm Watson not James...

[Kiltrash]

30th June 1966

Hurry up the match starts in 10 minutes

[Kiltrash]

July 20th 1969

Sorry we missed taping that, say again Neil.

[Nike55]

'They seemed to have left their nose radar behind...'

'Any leads Holmes?'

[Frostchamber]

Bugger! It takes four AAs.

[fitliker]

The Mk 2 uses Nicads , just for the pure joy of spending money like a drunken water transportation operator on temporary excursions from their floating portable scratcher .

[cynicalint]

At this amplification reading, it really works! Look at the trench Hoskins' last fart created!

[c52]

"Hurry up, lads, I'm getting cold standing around like this."

[Kiltrash]

" LA Centre Aspen 30 Heavy Speed Check "

If you don't know the story read on...

" Aspen 30 LA Centre we show you at One Thousand Nine Hundred and Forty Two Knots across the Ground "
" LA Centre Aspen 30 we show a little over Two Thousand "

[c52]

It says "Use the keyboard to enter your car registration number."

[c52]

"Mobile advertising - project some text onto the screen, voice comes out of the speaker, and Bob's your uncle."

-- "And what exactly is mobile about it?"

[c52]

"The red flashing light on top ensures that our pilots don't hit it, and the enemy don't miss it."

-- "Isn't there something wrong with that reasoning?"

[cavuman1]

R1D1 - the early Star Wars years....

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

Of course being this close won't affect my fertility, you two on the other hand...

[Wensleydale]

"...and the next car is doing 36 MPH, so we can stop him".

[Buster Hyman]

Guy on Right: "I say chaps, shouldn't you be wearing Hi Vis vests"?

[Buster Hyman]

Guy on Right, again: "You're a long way from Portsmouth if that's going on the Ark Royal!"

[Buster Hyman]

If you could just stand in front of it Sir, we'll see if we can't get you to glow in the dark.

[Ascend Charlie]

"I say, chaps! Can you hurry things along a bit? E.T. wants to phone home..."

[Wensleydale]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/978x1517/seo_551ba30e856ffdf65cb87abdeb80983ee7ba95aa.jpg

[c52]

Designed by an aging Minister of Transport aware of his own frequent needs, the dual-purpose parking meter and public convenience proved too difficult to use for all but the most able.

[c52]

"It's a Dreamcatcher and it will be installed in Downing Street to make sure that only sensible policies emerge from there."

[Kiltrash]

Joseph, Get ' Iron Dome Mk1 ' operational quick ..

[Kiltrash]

There.. Fish Pie is done to perfection. All I had to do is pierce the film lid and high power for 6 hours.
Now if only we could reduce the size to fit a kitchen cabinet....
Oh and a unexpected bonus 60+ bandits at 12000 foot on tract to... ( bangs the sides ) Milton Keynes
Stand down the fighters. That should drastically improve that ' New Town '

[ShyTorque]

“We’ve done it... the world’s first mobile phone! Now all we’ve got to do is persuade someone else to buy one....”.

[Kiltrash]

Gentleman farmer on right.
Many thanks for saving us from the Argies and installing the air defence radar on Mount Pleasant
But please can you hurry, the sheep are getting worried when you keep calling it the ' Wolf System '

[treadigraph]

Have we done Broadsword calling Dannyboy yet?

[treadigraph]

Er, you're Doctor Who?

[Kiltrash]

Thought when I bid £3.20 I thought it was for a toy. Just checked my statement £3.2m
Teach me not to go on ebay on a Friday night after the works party.

[Kiltrash]

News Jingle..
Tonight our main item is that at London Gatwick they have to install a replacement ILS scanner...
and in other news the Police and AAIB are looking into a series of near misses by aircraft at Nelson Mandela Flats, in South London

[Kiltrash]

In London the first Parking Meter is installed.
Who is it so big?
Well it has to comfortably hold a Traffic Warden

[treadigraph]

I've just a call from the Ministry - they've asked that we urgently increase security on this project by giving it a code name. They've suggested we simply spell radar backwards. OK?

[Kiltrash]

Man kneeling on left....
It's bigger on the inside... ( obvious)
or
It's full of Stars ..(.2001 spooky music )

[Dan Gerous]

Righty Ho chaps, you seem to have everything under control. I think I'll head off back to the Mess for a G&T.

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/945x1227/aviation24_4356cacd61e8050fcad0121c7f768b237d213d9e.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

"Good morning chaps, lovely weather today".
"Not for much longer mate, switch it on George.

[Ascend Charlie]

"How do you expect this thing to work, with Groucho Marx over there fiddling with it?"

[Hydromet]

"Have you tried switching it off and on again?"

[Chu Chu]

What are you doing out here, Hoskins?

Sir, don't you remember? I was telling you about my aunt's husband Leight and their daughter Sadie, and suddenly you asked me to hook you up with a satellite.

[Wensleydale]

There were a few technical difficulties with installing the first Sat Nav in the designer's Austin 7.

[Kiltrash]

Yes this is a combined Microwave and Barbecue, once we get the wind generator up to speed it produces the electricity .
No expedition up Ben Nevis should set off without one...

[622]

I’m going to call it VAR …..and one day people will say I how fantastic it is and improves the game of football!

[Chu Chu]

Okay - now we start the microwave beacon and wait. If they need anything after travelling thousands of light years across the Milky Way, surely it will be somewhere to stop and take a leak.

[cavuman1]

Man in Middle thinks "Now was I supposed to cut the red wire or the white wire?"
Man on Left, genuflecting, prays "Dear God, please let him cut the green wire!"
Man of Right dons Purple Cape, cackling: "Mwa Ha Ha, this should make PPRuNe's Darwin Awards!"

- Ed

[Big Pistons Forever]

Following their outstandingly successful RAF pilot training program, Ascent have been awarded a follow on contract to provide Technical training to RAF electronic technicians. A leading factor in their selection was Ascent's commitment to using the latest representative technologies........

[Kiltrash]

Indian voice
I am from Microsoft support and I am in Bolton,
English Voice
FA FA fafa ffa faa ffaa.
would you like my card details?

[Kiltrash]

Yes insert 30 c for the next 3 minutes....
or
Now was it Button A or Button B to get a refund?...

[Big Pistons Forever]

Hey the Americans are going back to using celestial navigation so in the spirit of "what is old is new again", the MOD are sure that the very best of British made 1950's Radar technology represents the best way forward for future RAF capabilities.....

[Kiltrash]

Yes in here there is a card, says " For a good time call Buster on Brisbane 696969. '

[Kiltrash]

Now I go in here and spin round and don my Superman garb...

[Kiltrash]

All this effort to get the Queens coronation to the 3 inhabitants of Benbecula on TV
or

..and you say with this we can communicate with the Polaris boats and order a first strike? Who needs the President. ?

or

and Finally
The house in Upper Snodonia does not have a TV Licence. Send in the F-15's through the Mach Loop to scare them to pay up...

[Wensleydale]

Well - that's PS1 sorted out - now to invent a TV with a SCART socket!

[Ninthace]

Hello, you are through to the Help Desk. Please tell us what your problem is so we can give you fatuous advice, telling you to try all the things you have already tried, while you solve the problem yourself. Then tell us how you did it so we can chalk up another success.

[Dan Gerous]

Just to let you know chaps, there's now nearly 5 pages about you on the current capcom, and Nutloose will have to read everyone of them. That'll teach him.

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/945x1227/aviation24_4356cacd61e8050fcad0121c7f768b237d213d9e.jpg

[c52]

"Well, I don't think this is what's going to make Farnborough memorable this year."

[Dan Gerous]

What does this do then?
It's the latest in British radar technology, a ground intruder defence system.
Sounds very technical, how does it work?
The radar detects an intruder, the weapon hatch cover springs open, and a pre-loaded slingshot fires a ball-bearing at the intruder. This is the twin launcher version.
My my, what amazing times we live in.

[treadigraph]

Wouldn't it be easier if we just got a charcoal barbecue to cook sausages for the club summer party like everybody else?

[Kiltrash]

Taps the dial, looks quizzingly, taps and declares the device is U/S...
I mean according to this dial that RAF Jet that screamed over converting fuel to noise was only doing 37 mph. .
I mean nothing can fly THAT slowly. ..

[Kiltrash]

I'm sure the plans were for a " Archemedes Death Ray " utilising the power of the Sun to incinerate the enemy fleet.
Well we adapted it for the British Weather

[Ascend Charlie]

"Got it! The direct feed from the WRAF bathroom! And here comes Section Officer Harvey!"

[Kiltrash]

Doc Brown has sent it back from next week with the lottery winning numbers, boy it's cold. Anyone got a pencil?

[c52]

"I call it a helicopter. It should fly straight up in the air when the thing at the top is spinning fast enough."

[Chu Chu]

Okay -- the power's disconnected. You can start taking it apart.

I can't believe we did all that work just to watch Arsenal lose 0-5.

[Kiltrash]

Due to the damage done to " Lie Detector -o -bot Mk1 " when Ms Markle was tested, The improved MK 2 was wheeled out prior to testing Ex President Trump

[MPN11]

"No, I'm still not getting the BBC Test Card ..."

[Kiltrash]

First plans for Inspector Gadget

[MPN11]

"According to this label, it's called Green Turd."

[c52]

"Get off my land!"

[cattletruck]

It was so much easier before Health and Safety. John would shield himself behind the cabinet door, Gary wore his Faraday jumper, and the boss ensured the unit was not powered off when conducting maintenance.

[Kiltrash]

Weigh washing first and do not overload
Set to 60 degrees
We recommend using OMO
Do not mix whites with coloureds
Short spin only
Do not Bleach
Hand wash only

For Fecks Sake just how many buttons...

[Chu Chu]

I can't believe we're putting a radar dish on a plinth.

Every hero they stand up gets torn down for one reason or another, so they've given up on humans.

[Buster Hyman]

I say ol’ chap, your name wouldn’t happen to be Danny Boy would it?

[ACW599]

"What was that about snapping knicker elastic at 500 yards?"

[NutLoose]

Scoring on Monday, some excellent entries so far

[Kiltrash]

Think this ' Security Cage ' for the e-scooters at Marham is a bit over the top. Now if this had been Croydon* that would be another matter
* other rough areas are available.

[Kiltrash]

That's the dog toilet all sorted now, just got to train the humans to give their pets time to use it and not walk on bye head down in their phones.

[Kiltrash]

Now if only the youth of today would only obey the rules this would be the ONLY knife surrender bin in the country

[Kiltrash]

Every airport has now been allocated one of these, to put in the departure hall. If a disagreement arises they can go in and sort it out without inconveniencing the other passengers.

[treadigraph]

Wizard piece of kit, Sir - we've found out who's been making disparaging remarks about Croydon and we are ready to engage in total warfare, with your permission of course, Sir.

Jolly good, Sanders, fire when ready...

[fitliker]

Well , I put my wellies on when you said electric sheep , not realizing you were talking in mil code ,my mistook I thought you were using nudge nudge code for wild highland night oot . Magic sheep and electric sheep mean something different in Huntley and Sumburgh .
Not a sheep in sight ,
oh well do you think electric sheep dream in colour ?

[Wensleydale]

"is it showing traffic on the railway over there?"

"Yes. It's a Train Following Radar".

[treadigraph]

"is it showing traffic on the railway over there?"

"Yes. It's a Train Following Radar".

"16 Bogies at 12 o'clock!"

[Chu Chu]

Man in sweater: Thanks for the help getting this set up. I don't know what we hermits did in the days before twitter feeds and microwave links.

[Kiltrash]

Ah Nutty, Buster you can come out here now that hugging is allowed

[Beamr]

"Colour to colour, the rest together..."
...and after the smoke has dissipated we'll have the electrical engineer to check the connections.

[Beamr]

We have finally found out what this is. This is the Wolfman Jacks secret agent spy-scope. That pulls in the moon, and the stars and the planets - and the satellites and the little bitty space men.

[Kiltrash]

Sir, think we have found Astute, this is a photonics mast ​​​​​. Remind me again who was the boats navigator?

[Wensleydale]

"Now if I press the red button, it tells HQ that we have detected a ballistic missile attack and they should immediately retaliate with a counter strike: the green button tells MT to send transport to pick us up - or was that the other way round?"

[Ninthace]

"16 Bogies at 12 o'clock!"
You can borrow my hankie - no keep it.

[622]

Aha, found the problem! .....We are going to need longer cables!

[Buster Hyman]

Umm....I swear, Flight 19 was right there a second ago. What did you do?

[c52]

"Solved it. The contractors dug a trench, but didn't install the power supply. All in a day's work for MoD(PE)."

[622]

Gent looking inside "Aha, I see the problem...its full of fruit preserve.....we have been jammed!"

[NutLoose]

Ok time to score it, mine would have been
"As you can see the Tornado radar was designed from the start to be upgradable, here we have the early version of the Foxhunter mounted onto the even earlier Blue Circle."

"It's our Rice Crispy machine sir, if you stand out in front and listen hard, you will hear your testicles going snap crackle and pop,"

But alas, I cannot win...

OK first place has to be from these ones below,

and its going to be DAN with

"Good morning chaps, lovely weather today".
"Not for much longer mate, switch it on George.

So the runners up in no order are.....

Treddi with

Ahhhhhh, now I see what's causing the interference on my jersey...

Wensley with

"is it showing traffic on the railway over there?"

"Yes. It's a Train Following Radar".

622

Aha, found the problem! .....We are going to need longer cables!


Ninthace with

Now be careful not to overwind it or the mainspring will go boing and the Earth will stop rotating.



"Just to let you know chaps, there's now nearly 5 pages about you on the current capcom, and Nutloose will have to read everyone of them. That'll teach him."
Yes Dan and I did...

Transmitting the CST trophy now Dan after recovering it from the flowerbed.


For what it's worth the image was from this collection and was Technicians work on new radar equipment at Hawarden Airport in 1963

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/gallery/look-nostalgic-pictures-show-north-8526620

[Dan Gerous]

Thanks Nutloose. Have a go at this one folks.

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/642x600/pprune_17_01c6d4638d6bda30437e92f1c43c47ad00cb95cc.jpg

[NutLoose]

We can’t unload yet, we’re waiting for the moovers.

[NutLoose]

The Whistling Sh*t, previously known as the Whistling T*t

[NutLoose]

Skip, I think your letter to catering complaining about the beef sarnies had some effect, I’ve just got a note from him saying if you think you can do better I’ve sent you the ingredients to make your own.

[NutLoose]

They're hiding from the police car.


and if your wondering
https://www.getreading.co.uk/news/reading-berkshire-news/thames-valley-police-explains-mowed-20598663

:sad:

[Ninthace]

Freddie Laker's little known conversion from the Carvair to the Cowvair.

[Ninthace]

Tell the mooover to go get a ramp. I am not jumping and it is a well known fact that cows can't go down stairs.

[NutLoose]

“Have you seen the new hostie?, she’s a right cow...”
”bullocks...”

[ShyTorque]

“I quite like cows but I couldn’t eat a whole one...Oh but hang on a moo!”

[MPN11]

”Not bloody fair ... those smelly sheep got a 747.”

[MPN11]

“I thought First was always at the front, and Cattle Class at the back?”

[Kiltrash]

In Lydd, "Where's my heffing car "??...

[Kiltrash]

Additional fresh supplies, on the hoof, are sent to Jersey, when the French cut the power.

[MPN11]

Offical in background ... “They’re not getting off until we’ve seen their Pet Passports, BSE Certificates, Covid-19 PCR Swab Results ... and they’s cleaned up all their sh1t.”

[Kiltrash]

Donald urges the Floridians to march on the Capital.

[Kiltrash]

First tourist flight to Lisbon post Foot and Mouth disease gets ready to take off

[Kiltrash]

Milk delivery to the Falkland Islands gets ready ...
Why a Cow and not containers?
Well we have run out of bottles, have to have it on draught.

[MPN11]

Southampton Airport braces itself for Cowes Week.

[Kiltrash]

HOSKINS, That's a Bull....

[NutLoose]

Milk delivery to the Falkland Islands gets ready ...
Why a Cow and not containers?
Well we have run out of bottles, have to have it on draught.

I wish you luck milking those, they are Bullocks... :E

[Kiltrash]

BA find a placement for the redundant Flight Engineers...instead of fuel moooving between tanks, became Methane Shovelers.

[Ninthace]

I wish you luck milking those, they are Bullocks... :E
In which case they will be right at home with the crew. They are full of bulls**t too.

[Kiltrash]

Told you were far to low passing over Jersey. Especially having left the front door open.
Or Prestwick, Ayrshire
or even Guernsey

[NutLoose]

And for today’s exercise, we’re off on manurevers

[MPN11]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/642x600/pprune_17_01c6d4638d6bda30437e92f1c43c47ad00cb95cc.jpg[/QUOTE]

[MPN11]

In RAFG they used to wait for the coach-load of Nurses. At Bulford ...

[Kiltrash]

In a effort to make Formula 1 more competitive, Hamilton's new car is freighted into Monaco.

Still wins....

[Wensleydale]

Heading to the Isle of Wight for Cowes Week!

[Wensleydale]

"For the inflight entertainment we have the singing cows who will perform some Mooed Music."

"Should have been here last week - the sheep were singing a few baahs".

[Wensleydale]

Heading for the local butchers, the crew were on "Joint Operations".

[Wensleydale]

Flying Cattle Class!!

[Wensleydale]

"..and this week, Country File is in Farnborough".

[Wensleydale]

"e-scooters be damned. We're moving to ox carts at Brize!

[treadigraph]

An Argosy? I thought we'd be on a Calfair...

[treadigraph]

Some butcher named Harris has decreed we be dropped on Dortmund but I think it's a mis-steak

[treadigraph]

I heard we'd been bought by some guy named McDonald - he's the Burgomeister I think they said...

[treadigraph]

I keep thinking I smell horseradish sauce...

[Kiltrash]

Bovine thinks. .." Nice they have left the door open, should get a good view of Section Officer Heffer as we fly over "

[Kiltrash]

Just before, the Captain was herd to say " What's a Cow doing up here in the cloud??"

[Kiltrash]

Pilot with crossed arms under wing....." Nice here in the shade.."

[Kiltrash]

Pilot with crossed arms under wing..." Wonder can I go on oxygen for the whole flight??"

[Kiltrash]

Pilot with crossed arms under wing..." Should not have fecked the Chief Pilots Wife.."

or

" HA HA Bert drew the short straw. He got allocated the flight from Luton to Warsaw...."

[treadigraph]

We seem to be travelling steerage...

[treadigraph]

Bloody awful flight, we were in the hold at Bovinedon for nearly an hour before landing...

[treadigraph]

He's an excellent pilot, flown everything from the Farman Shorthorn to the Learjet Longhorn...

[Wensleydale]

When Transport Command went Barnstorming!

[Wensleydale]

"A bit late on the round-up there, Hoskins".

[Wensleydale]

On the program for the early morning milk run.

[c52]

BEA present the world's first methane powered aircraft. Unfortunately methane production is running faster than the engines can burn it, giving a serious risk of inflight explosion.

[c52]

Following the success of the first methane-powered aircraft, the Royal United Services Catering Experimental Section is commissioned to find a way to get humans to produce methane in usable quantities.

[NutLoose]

STOP PRESS...... Members of the Pprune forum killed attempting to milk a bull in a vain attempt to win the CS Trophy, A member of the forum commented it was a seminal moment in the competition.

[Chu Chu]

The agent distinctly said ground handling equipment was available, but I'm beginning to think I got a bum steer.

[Chu Chu]

Amazing, they're here on time. How did you manage that?

Easy. If you want Hoskins to fly Herefords to Jersey, tell him he's taking Jerseys to Hereford.

[Buster Hyman]

Years later, Britannia refined the exporting of mad cows to the Continent...

[Buster Hyman]

We had to land because the Steaks were too high.....

[Buster Hyman]

There was an awkward silence when the Flight Attendant asked "Chicken or Beef?"

[treadigraph]

A surprising number of cattle were keen to join the Mile High Club...

[Ascend Charlie]

We just found out who was steering the plane.

[Kiltrash]

No i'm the weather radar, if it looks like rain I lie down. Soon every aircraft will have one

[Kiltrash]

Pilot later regretted leaving candy bars in his jacket pockets

[Kiltrash]

Pilot regretted calling the Hostie a " Silly ol Moo " when he found where she had hung his jacket. In a later interview with Personnel

[Kiltrash]

Farmer John buys a decommissioned RAF Cargo Aircraft to convert into a byre. However later finds it comes with a redundant pilot.

[cattletruck]

Who said cargo flying was a complete load of bullocks.

[622]

We are going to need something faster next time....these were calves when I took off!

[Chu Chu]

Holstein delivered to Germany.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Virgil Tracy, right, preflights International Rescue's Thunderbird Moo prior to departure on another dangerous mission.

[622]

Hoskins picked the wrong day to wear his red shirt to work!

[MPN11]

On final approach, the Captain experienced problems with Udder Trim.

[cavuman1]

Ground Beef

- Ed

[Ninthace]

Why is the pilot stood right over there? He's afraid if he comes any closer he'll get a pat on the head.

Not a caption:
I understand cow pats in the US are called chips. Explains some of the meals I have had.

[NutLoose]

It's not the four burning and turning i'm worried about, it's the two chumping and dumping.

[Kiltrash]

In the Cotswolds, to increase attendances the annual Farmers Market and Airshow are held at the same time and same place

[Kiltrash]

At Kemble the Aircraft came in to be dismantled. However Hoskins forgot to unload the last cargo.

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/642x600/pprune_17_01c6d4638d6bda30437e92f1c43c47ad00cb95cc.jpg
The Royal Family are pleased to welcome Prince Harry and Archie back into the fold. Meghan follows on behind

[Kiltrash]

The owner of Harvey, the Champion Breeder ( 1966 ) earns so much he can afford his own private plane to get between ' Covers '
Later this gave Prince Andrew an idea for when getting between Epstein Parties.

[MPN11]

A delivery of frozen beef arrived, as Hoskins had forgotten to close the door before departure.

[MPN11]

First Officer Hoskins hung his jacket on the door, in the hope that the breeze would dispel the smell.

[Chu Chu]

Everything's loaded. We can depart as soon as the toilets have been serviced.

What do cattle want with toilets?

We're marketing lav raised beef.

[Kiltrash]

No I feel quite at home here, my dad was a Navigator in Canberra's

[Kiltrash]

Nah, my jobs safe, plant based foods will never catch on...

[Wensleydale]

During trials of the methane powered aircraft, scientists realise that they need a bigger aircraft to carry all of the hay.

[Kiltrash]

No we use these as fuel tanks

[Kiltrash]

Attenborough voice....
" And here we find cattle content on the Kalahari, Safe in the knowledge they can easily outpace the Jaguar. "

[Kiltrash]

Hoskins later regretted retraining to be a vet, when he was involved in his first castration.

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins. Lie down here by the nosewheel and I'll get you a Pat on the head...

[Beamr]

We were promised asylum as we boarded, but this is not India!

[Wensleydale]

That's the last time we allow the Co-pilot to order the rations.

[Buster Hyman]

"Well, I dressed up because when they said we were transporting Bullock, I was hoping to get Sandras autograph..."

[c52]

Early trials to test the practicality of using preserved aircraft as hotels. "You can't go using men and women at this early stage of experimentation," says the lead researcher.

[Kiltrash]

In Leicester the secrets to Sir Franks engine is laid bare for the Russians to copy.
This should set back their research years said the Ministry.

[Kiltrash]

In Bruntingthorpe as the collection was not removed in time the Farmers found a use for them.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

With acknowledgement to Gary Larson:

Hoskins contemplates just how lucky he was that both barn doors had been open!

The Far Side (https://i.pinimg.com/474x/7b/6f/2b/7b6f2b53947d89360f5a5b35e4409ab8.jpg)

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Hoskins carefullly re-reads the fine print about the custom leather interior he ordered.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Noah's Airlines proving flight.

[Chu Chu]

Told the insurgents can't hit the side of a barn, Hoskins loads the aircraft with cows.

[fitliker]

Jackets off trying to work out the routing to fly this load over the moon , might have to unload some fuel ?

[NutLoose]

The loadie wants to know, when they take a dump does he deduct it from the cargo weight but add it to the max all up weight or does it remain constant?.

[Kiltrash]

To get with in weight limits all cargo is to jump up, one at a time. Get the Cattle prod out Hoskins

[Kiltrash]

Ryanair descide cattle is a lot less bover than the England fans

[Kiltrash]

No we run out of hay bails. But more nourishment in the Butchers jacket...

[Kiltrash]

No! Hoskins, this is a car .. CAR transporter
Damm should have gone to Specsavers

[Kiltrash]

At Kidlington ( near the Morris Factory ) The Cowley cars are loaded

[Kiltrash]

The GB Equestrian team are loaded for the flight to Japan.
..well they have as much chance with these at the Olympics ..

[treadigraph]

Hoskins, when I said we needed a new brand on board, what I meant was... Oh, never mind, send in Clott and you can tyr and organise a soiree at the brewery instead.

[Kiltrash]

Ermintrude later complained to the producers that this was not what was in the script ...

[c52]

BBC Head of Expenses to BBC Head of Radio Drama: "If you think you're weaving this scene into 'An Everyday Story of Countryfolk' you've got another think coming."

[c52]

Airport Fire Brigade: "We've opened the aircraft but there seems to be no crew to rescue."

[ShyTorque]

“I got a free trip after they said they wanted my horns for the ailerons. You?”

“Elevators....”

[treadigraph]

The cost of fresh milk deliveries to RAF Northolt raised some difficult questions for the Secretary of State for Defence in the House of Commons on Tuesday.

[MPN11]

#1 “Don’t wait for ramp, just jump!”

#2 ”No way ... I’m a Coward.”

[Dan Gerous]

Right, a load of good entries for this so I'll judge now.

Worthy runners up Treadigraph for his Steerage, Wensleydale for his Joint ops, 622 for his These were calves when we took off, Kiltrash for his Faster than a Jag.

But in 3rd Nutloose with,Skip, I think your letter to catering complaining about the beef sarnies had some effect, I’ve just got a note from him saying if you think you can do better I’ve sent you the ingredients to make your own.

In 2nd is Wensleydale with When Transport Command went Barnstorming!

And 1st goes to Chu Chu, and it's nice to see Hoskins get a win,with a great piece of lateral thinking Told the insurgents can't hit the side of a barn, Hoskins loads the aircraft with cows.

Trophy will be delivered by the ground handling agents, after they have finished using it to muck out the hold.

[Chu Chu]

Thanks, Dan! Lots of great entries on that one, but I'm glad Hoskins rose to the top (or is that sank to the bottom?) We'll see what the ag inspectors make of the trophy when it reaches this side of the Atlantic.

I'll give this one a spin:

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/maxresdefault_67436bf6afe90da7d76bb69eb5442b3f0a4c41d7.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

I told you we needed to rinse out the Cow piss from the Argosy. Look at what’s left!

[Buster Hyman]

Landings don’t come any rougher than that Hoskins!

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, but the whole idea of a Tail Gunner relies on the fact that there is actually a tail!

[c52]

Instructor: "OK, we've removed 'straight and level' from the equation. Let's see if you can fire the gun."

[Hydromet]

Initial attempts to build an all-metal aircraft met with severe corrosion problems.

[c52]

Stress-testing the fuselage has put an enormous crack in it, just next to the pilot's.

[c52]

Wearied by endless reports of UFOs, the MoD build an unidentifiable object that can't fly.

[c52]

Movable latrine so the enemy do not catch us sitting.

[c52]

The importance of spelling: The MoD specified that the aircraft must brake after landing, not break.

[c52]

Instructor: "Now, can you see the ground?"

Student pilot: "No, Sir."

Instructor: "And when you're this low, that's the time to land."

[Ascend Charlie]

The prototype of the Rail Gun was less than successful - back to the drawing board.

[Buster Hyman]

Despite the fact that it wasn't airworthy, it still contributed its fair share of skid marks.

[Buster Hyman]

Tescos (Safeway, Woolworths, Costco, Aldi) had finally had enough of stolen shopping trolleys!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1280x720/maxresdefault_67436bf6afe90da7d76bb69eb5442b3f0a4c41d7.jpg
Cholmondeley-Smythe loitered patiently up-sun, just waiting for a careless Hun to be pushed into range.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

He's one of the Airfield guards. It helps them pretend the RAF Regiment is just like the rest of the RAF.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You've heard of a Pillbox? Well that's a Pillockbox.

[NutLoose]

Indi had a cunning plan to win the mine fight in his up coming movie, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
.

[NutLoose]

Well it worked on the F111

[NutLoose]

Cutbacks old chap, you know planes don’t grow on trees, we might make them from them, but they definitely don’t grow on them... ahem.

[NutLoose]

Yes England, heart of oak and all that, but we never allowed for the bloody Froggies and their termites..

[NutLoose]

I don’t know about being attacked by an Eindecker, it was more like a Black and Decker..