Caption Competition Mk III

[j4leaphill]

Where's my wing man?

[treadigraph]

You berk Maverick, you forgot to sweep the wings back!

[treadigraph]

Tower to Maverick, your goose is really cooked this time!

[treadigraph]

Well, we were luckier than Bader!

[Wensleydale]

Well, we were luckier than Bader!

...although you still won't have a leg to stand on at debrief.

[Kiltrash]

The USN Disability Policy goes to new heights

[Kiltrash]

While chasing the UFO the plane gets to close to the Klingons Cloak of Invisibility

[Kiltrash]

After his Tomcat was neutered Hoskins took it easy on the way back home

[Kiltrash]

Grumman take the plane to Congress, asking for more funds to finish the design.

[Kiltrash]

Later General Imaliarovich claimed one eighth of a kill

[Kiltrash]

President Putin's much vaulted Tomcat killer missle proved to be a damp squib

[Beamr]

Viper: You boys get it all too easy, when we flew the Phantoms and the Crusaders, we flew them even with wings folded.
Maverick: Hold my beer.

[treadigraph]

Snort Snodgrass did his knife edge opening pass once to often...

[andytug]

Goddamit Maverick, when I asked you how you were going to attack the target with no cannon ammo and you said you'd just "wing it" I thought you were being metaphorical!!

[c52]

"In this case, a safe landing isn't the only measure by which we judge your airmanship. There's the damage to Tower Bridge to consider as well."

OR

...must remember the wings need to be swept back before flying through Tower Bridge...

[Dan Gerous]

Putting the refueling probe out isn't going to help!


https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/678x381/without_a_wing_57117c7d5fdf1be83001e96f77bfabebb5e3a075.jpg

[c52]

In fifteen years, Russia will develop a new fighter with visually the same features..

[Kiltrash]

The DofE finally gets type no 60 in his logbook. Pity it's only a one way flight.

[Kiltrash]

When invited to the Admirals Daughter's 21st, Maverick said he would " Swing on by "

[Kiltrash]

I don't think the excess insurance for light dings you took out will cover this.

[treadigraph]

If Blohm+Voss built US Navy fighters....

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Right, when we land, just get out and walk away. Don't look at anyone, don't talk to anyone. Just walk. If anyone with more bars stops us, it was like that when we took off, ok?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Somehow I always thought when people talked about the "clipped wing version" that they meant both wings.

[Ninthace]

Don't worry, I've plotted a route back to base that only reqires right turns.

[622]

I know you are an exchange pilot Hoskins....but saying 'I thought you landed on the right' is not an excuse...

[Chu Chu]

Good thing Grumman kept the right wing strong.

[Buster Hyman]

Christ! Those V1's are tougher than they look!

[treadigraph]

Eject? I can't... my mascara...

[treadigraph]

You should see the other fella!

[MPN11]

“If you say ‘Disloyal Wing, Man’ once more, I’ll demonstrate how Command Ejection works.”

[NutLoose]

"You're not going to be able to sweep this one under the tailplane boss."

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/678x381/without_a_wing_57117c7d5fdf1be83001e96f77bfabebb5e3a075_8aab 03116611628735986f7cb126b48e827c6cd6.jpg

[NutLoose]

Give me some good news WSO

Well we don't need to dump fuel now Sir, as you have got it well under weight..

[ivor toolbox]

Gee now, seems the basic aerodynamics tutor was right

Ttfn

[Dan Gerous]

Are you a Republican Mav?
Yeh Goose, why?
We seem to be leaning to the right.

[Dan Gerous]

I'll tell the tower we're doing a flap-less landing. They won't notice.

[Kiltrash]

Cross design between F-14and F-104?
No some clot scrubbed the '0'

[Kiltrash]

WSO.... " Shouldn't we eject near the Carrier Sir?"
Pilot... " No my Papa brought his P-51 back from Germany with worst damage than this and ah aim to prove what Papa could do I can do'
WSO... " Didn't you tell me your dad died in the crash landing?"

[Kiltrash]

Pilot..."Yes we are heavily damaged and be lucky to sight the carrier in time, But there are Wannabe Civilian's that would happily have the opportunity to be in our place "

[treadigraph]

The Gnat's landed already... damage? Oh, a couple of feet of nose and six inches off one of the pilot's boot laces.

[treadigraph]

I always wondered what a prayer looked like...

[Kiltrash]

Pilot...That was lucky wasn't it
WSO....What do you mean lucky, we came to within a hairs breath of crashing in a ball off flames at 20000 feet with no hope of ejection and certain death when you flew too close to the Valkarie.
Pilot....Lucky we put the duty free booze and fags in the Port wing tanks

[Kiltrash]

What mark do you think the LSO will give me for that landing?
No one has ever achieved a -1 result

[Kiltrash]

Think that proves Cross Decking with the QNLZ class carriers is not on.

[Kiltrash]

Owing to substantial damage to the aircraft the Air Boss decides it has to go over the edge in the South China Sea and clear the deck. Tells Lieutenant Hoskins-Hank not to bother getting out first.

[treadigraph]

Maverick, this is Stinger, looks like your cheque has bounced again...

[Wensleydale]

Typical of the modern Navy pilot. Swings both ways!

[Big Pistons Forever]

Board of inquiry

So Lt Bloggins since you were Lt’s Jone’s WSO on the subject flight what did he say before the accident event ?

Umm I think he said “Hey watch this !”

[Big Pistons Forever]

Bad news Bloggins, we are calling this 1/2 a kill so you are still 1/2 a kill from being an enemy ace.

[Big Pistons Forever]

WSO to Pilot “Let’s not do that again OK?”

[Big Pistons Forever]

When you said I like to fly “on a wing and a prayer” I didn’t think you meant it literally!

[Big Pistons Forever]

Found on the cutting room floor during the making of the original Top Gun

[Big Pistons Forever]

The US Navy finally fesses up with the story of what really happened when they let Tom Cruise try to fly the F14

[622]

Well, I don’t know how they did it...but the Engineers have cured the constant rolling to port snag!

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry Sir, Nelson rose through the ranks and he had a wing missing as well, in fact, not only that, he was missing an eye too.

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry Sir, the engineers say the fix should be quite cheap, they’re going to saw the same off the other side.

[NutLoose]

Ok so let’s get it straight, we had a bird strike ok, there is no need to mention the tree or the nest it was sitting on unless they ask.

[Dan Gerous]

For future reference, we should highlight diversion airfields with left and right hand circuits at the pre flight briefing.

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/678x381/without_a_wing_57117c7d5fdf1be83001e96f77bfabebb5e3a075_8aab 03116611628735986f7cb126b48e827c6cd6.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

I'm too close for guns, going for a Fox Un-swept.

[Kiltrash]

Caps on, no Tea or Biscuits with the Air Boss..
" Which part of dont descend below the Hard Deck does not apply to you. "

[Kiltrash]

" Wow, did you see that goat up here in the clouds? "

[Kiltrash]

Maverick was surprised when flying his bad ass M2+ Fleet defender fighter when Mogwi crept up behind him and fired one off.

[Kiltrash]

Captain Luke..."R2-D2 tie off that stabiliser "
WSO Thinks..." He lives on a different planet to the rest of us "

[treadigraph]

Sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh - but I keep imagining the look on that Russian sub captain's face as he came out of the hatch and saw 15' of Tomcat wing embedded in his periscope...

[Kiltrash]

Not a caption, apparently the story

The first photo depicts the F-14A BuNo 159832 side number 205 which on Jun. 29, 1991 experienced a mid-air collision over South Chinese Sea with another Tomcat (https://theaviationist.com/2013/03/27/saddams-yacht/), the BuNo 161597 side number 201. Both aircraft were from Black Lions of the VF-213, at the time embarked on the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN-72) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Abraham_Lincoln_%28CVN-72%29) and while the “201” crashed into the sea where the crew was rescued, the “205” was able to land to Singapore after loosing part of its right wing.

[cavuman1]

Grumman F-13½

- Ed

[Ascend Charlie]

Grumman had to think twice about using plywood, like the old Mosquitoes, when there was an attack of termites.

[Kiltrash]

On the Kobayashi Maru test Lieutenant James T Kirk reprogrammed the simulation to be a winnable scenario. Just then his mum shouted up that his dinner was on the table and if he did not come down immediately the dog would keep it warm.

[Kiltrash]

When the alert went up the designated QRA was fired up and taxied out the Hanger in 3.5 minutes. The Air Boss was impressed, till he was informed the Hanger Doors take 4 minutes to open.

[NutLoose]

Well i didn't expect a Phantom on a lorry passing as we beat up Duxford, i think we took the nose off.

[NutLoose]

Probe out in flight refuelling...wing out inflight defuelling.

[treadigraph]

OK, Devil 2, you can cut out the Wun Wing Lo jokes, just ya remember who writes your performance evaluation...

[Kiltrash]

" My last posting? I think it was a B52 Pilot....seem to remember losing the Verticle Stabiliser "

[Kiltrash]

Well worked for Grandaddy in WW2 1941-1945 He would tip the Doodle Bug with his Mustang wings

[Kiltrash]

Commentator. ..." And here in Reno Nevada we have a guest appearance from Maverick and Goose who will attempt a world's best time round the racetrack"

​​​​​" Oh the judges have disqualified them for clipping Turn 3:.....in New York...."

[ShyTorque]

“Those picnickers at the the right side of the runway were a bit too close for comfort on takeoff. Thank goodness I just scraped by!”

”Er, Captain......!”

[treadigraph]

Good God, while we were sorting out that comms problem, Monsieur Mangetout popped by for a quick snack...

[Kiltrash]

Pilot..." No I'm not declaring MAYDAY, Its Pilot May and WSO Day requesting long finals."

[Kiltrash]

Having cleared the carrier Flight Deck, PO Black checks for any damage done to the plane by Hosking attaching the bridle to the wrong part of the aircraft on his first ( and last ) day on deployment

[Chu Chu]

Must be a Grumman Gigolo -- what else has a projecting probe and no visible means of support.

[NutLoose]

Rule one, Skip... if you’re gonna take a wing off, do it on the side that’s not viewable from the bridge.

[cattletruck]

Thank you aviators and aviatrices,
End-of-week is looming so it's trays up and seats forward as we approach judgement day.

In reverse order of Grumman wing sweep lever settings.

Lever position 6 is S for stowing, supersonic and shuddup.
Right, when we land, just get out and walk away. Don't look at anyone, don't talk to anyone. Just walk. If anyone with more bars stops us, it was like that when we took off, ok?
by Traffic Is Er Was

Lever position 5 is wired incorrectly.
Putting the refueling probe out isn't going to help!
by Dan Gerous

Lever position 4 has a loose detent.
Grumman F-13½
by cavuman1

Lever position 3’s label has been deliberately scrubbed off.
Sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh - but I keep imagining the look on that Russian sub captain's face as he came out of the hatch and saw 15' of Tomcat wing embedded in his periscope...
by treadigraph

Lever position 2 is the name of the nearest pub to the base.
Viper: You boys get it all too easy, when we flew the Phantoms and the Crusaders, we flew them even with wings folded.
Maverick: Hold my beer.
by Beamr

Lever position 1 is clearly labelled as
Where's my wing man?
by j4leaphill

Tom Cruise has been despatched to deliver the CST trophy to your doorstep j4leaphill.

[treadigraph]

Great pic, Cattletruck - never heard of that incident, unlike the famous Israeli F-15...! :)

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for picture

At the DofE Funeral, Harry plays a trick by banging on the pew and says softy,
" Let me oot am no deed yet "

[NutLoose]

Harry asks why there are two holes.

[NutLoose]

Don’t worry Harry self isolating 2 meters apart works out at about 6 foot under.

[j4leaphill]

Many thanks for 1st spot,will get a picture up by end of day.

[NutLoose]

Yes Harry, as per your request we have arranged accommodation for you overlooking the river... GUARDS......... To the Tower with him.

[Kiltrash]

Andrew was tasked with suppling the post Funeral entertainment. Thought the dancers from HMAS Supply would be nice touch, appreciated by his Father.

[treadigraph]

The Duke had returned as a particularly vicious and venomous breed of hornet, chasing Harry all the way back to T5 at Heathrow, stinger at the ready...

[cattletruck]

j4leaphill, if you're having technical issues or pprune bulletin board rules are giving you a hard time, we'll just call it open house.

[j4leaphill]

It would be best
Apologies
Leaphill

[Kiltrash]

Or 1st reserve Beamr?

[Beamr]

Taking the lead position, lets see how this enhances squadron performance

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x484/1_jxrptvaspz9wbaszpbulzw_6ec6fd2a8e5bf422831db8d9a11c29a4afd 393f7.jpeg

[Kiltrash]

Strike a match, light my fire... oops did somone say FIRE

[Kiltrash]

Orthodox Church blessed HRH Phil the Greeks latest chariot

[Kiltrash]

No Jester, you can be my wingman.

[Kiltrash]

In the Mediterranean we need a bigger swatter for the flies

[NutLoose]

It would be best
Apologies
Leaphill


Not a problem, if you need help ask and if I ever win again you can have my slot :)

[NutLoose]

Putin's uncle RasPutin blesses the fleet.

[Wensleydale]

At the Israeli Air Force Sqn exchange, the Scots see if Rabbi Burns.

[treadigraph]

Instrrructions say slight blue touch paper and rrrretire... AAAAArrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

[treadigraph]

Honestly, the pilots leave their aeroplanes in SUCH a state... dust everywhere, tsk tsk...

[Kiltrash]

Well the sign on tbe road did say " Hand wash your car, small £4.99 large £6.99 "

[cattletruck]

Blessed be thy feather, the sun, and the holey exhaust.

[andytug]

"Reheat after me........Our Father...."

[Chu Chu]

Cattletruck showed us the wing, now Beamr has come through with the prayer.

[Chu Chu]

Holy water injection, Batman!

[Surplus]

Lubrication is essential if you're going to mess with a Flanker.

[Buster Hyman]

Too close for Aspersorium, switching to Aspregil!

[Buster Hyman]

"Blessing the Fighters Hoskins? That's a bit unorthodox!"
"Well, actually....."

[Buster Hyman]

Ooooh you bad boy. Want another smack?

[Buster Hyman]

I said Vectored Thrust, not Rectors husk!

[Kiltrash]

Edited screen grab from " Monty Python and the Holy Grail "

[Kiltrash]

After diverting to Cyprus, the F111F is given absolution for getting the crew down safely.

[Kiltrash]

Thinks..." if I hurry up i can still make the 10.15 tee off time "
Calls out " Any one got a Water Canon..."?

[Kiltrash]

What the religious person was looking at...thinks I got the wrong job..

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/236x295/a27f40983f66bc3d6db7987b31c166ed_a440d2177edfa57c04128485577 1df1806aa3fc7.jpg

( from my collection of future offerings. Don't need this one now )

[Kiltrash]

Now back to our normal programme

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x484/1_jxrptvaspz9wbaszpbulzw_6ec6fd2a8e5bf422831db8d9a11c29a4afd 393f7.jpeg

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x484/1_jxrptvaspz9wbaszpbulzw_6ec6fd2a8e5bf422831db8d9a11c29a4afd 393f7.jpeg

The Vatican Air Force takes external checks extremely seriously...

[treadigraph]

Whoops, please do forgive me, Comrade Putin, I had no idea you were in there... or who you were with...

[Kiltrash]

Remembering last years BBQ disaster, Hoskins seeks devine intervention to ensure the Chicken is properly cooked this time

[Kiltrash]

Due to a power cut, the cremation is moved outside

[c52]

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

[Kiltrash]

Mrs Canonski complains she is unable to do the dishes this week

[Kiltrash]

Having got the broomstick wet, Potter uses it to bless the Quiddich

[ex82watcher]

Oh,the paint's burnt off here,better give it a touch-up.

[Wensleydale]

Putin accuses the Orthodox Church of trying to pull a Flanker....

[c52]

"It's not beautiful, but you should be amazed I've painted so many different colours out of a single pot of paint."

[Ascend Charlie]

Dumbledore compares his broomstick to Malfoy's Flanker, and realises "His is bigger than mine..."

[Wensleydale]

Another compass swing was needed to find the cardinal points..

[Kiltrash]

Struggling to light the damp camp fire, The Russian Boy Scouts seek devine intervention

[Kiltrash]

Always eager to please, When the Staish asked for toasted marshmallows Hoskinski thought " outside the box "

[Kiltrash]

The Dean of Liverpool thought it strange the following morning when he blessed the visiting aircraft there were no engines.

[treadigraph]

Now back to our normal programme

Sorry Kilty, it turned out to be a repeat! :}

[treadigraph]

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/650x484/1_jxrptvaspz9wbaszpbulzw_6ec6fd2a8e5bf422831db8d9a11c29a4afd 393f7.jpeg

Gawdstrewth, has the Air Force been trying to make bio fuel from cabbage again?

[c52]

"Anyone got a chisel? The holy water's frozen."

[Kiltrash]

At St Andrews they searched in vain for the lost golf ball

[NutLoose]

I’m gonna need a bigger bog brush.

[NutLoose]

Russia trials a new anti tank missile on their aircraft, the 9M17 Fleyta or commonly known as the Swatter.

[Chu Chu]

Sprinkling salt on a bird's tail.

[Beamr]

Great inputs so far, I'll have the holy ceremony and call the winner tomorrow, sunday evening Kiev Patriarchate time.

[Chu Chu]

After weeks poring over the thrust ratings, Hoskins calculates that the wet number is higher.

[cavuman1]

Afterburner? Oi! I'll show you afterburner!*

*substitute "reheat" as necessary

-Ed

[c52]

Capt Mainwaring: "Vicar, just because we come to church parade, it doesn't mean you are invited onto military lands."

[Kiltrash]

What a strange place to put the refuelling probe...

[Kiltrash]

" When I was asked to do a Baptism, this was the last thing I expected..."

or was it a Exorcism?

[Kiltrash]

Getting beat by a stick of wet celery?...I know a few Politicians that go for it. One of my more valuable sources of income.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Orthodoxy Inc had won a lucrative contract to supply it's patented "Invisible" paint protection to the fleet. Here, a technician applies the final touches.

[Kiltrash]

Having returned from a Nuclear Strike mission again the decadent West, the aircraft goes through combined blessing and decontamination.

[Kiltrash]

Fed up with the Ukraine problem, Putin authorises the Novichok overflights

[Wensleydale]

Unable to find a suitable Landrover, the priest looks for an alternative to use at a military funeral.

[NutLoose]

With the ability to bury two corpses at once the Russian priest blesses the deceased before they are super heated and fired into the frozen tundra.

[NutLoose]

Kim un prepares to defrock another priest.

[treadigraph]

Look Vladimir Vladimirovich, that man may have a genuine enthusiasm for English ecclesiastica...

[Wensleydale]

"Now we're sucking Diesel".

[Kiltrash]

Ah Captain Bunter, are you sure this is the approved way to inspect the engine?, nurse more lard please.

[Chu Chu]

Boeing's new Mass Contamination Acceptance Scenario revolutionized water ingestion testing and saved million in certification costs.

[cattletruck]

The Russian military test the waters with outsourcing maintenance.

----

He's good, his resume list Battleship Potemkin as one of his gigs.

[Buster Hyman]

The Church experiments with Chemtrails to dispense their Gay conversion mix.

[Beamr]

The sunday mass in Imola is over, so it is time to climb the mountain. In the stone there is carved:

The seat in row four goes to Kiltrash: The Dean of Liverpool thought it strange the following morning when he blessed the visiting aircraft there were no engines.

Closer to the altar on row three Treadigraph: Gawdstrewth, has the Air Force been trying to make bio fuel from cabbage again?

In the second row, Surplus: Lubrication is essential if you're going to mess with a Flanker.

The holy truth lies in the words of Buster Hyman: I said Vectored Thrust, not Rectors husk!

Congratulations Buster Hyman! The father, the son and the holy spirit are on their way delivering the holy grail ....errrrr... CST.

[Kiltrash]

Well done Buster and all. Just gotta wait till he WAKES up to continue the fun...

[NutLoose]

Noooooooooo :p

[Buster Hyman]

Well I never! (You must have...)

Very kind Beamr.

I think we can give the Prince a Cap Com send off. Be respectful if you can but, be funny if you can't....:} I think he enjoyed a good larff!


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x649/prince_philip_army_e1618675006530_78802203edc7bf19e6f8545728 0467007f7abb52.jpg

[Kiltrash]

" Wel'l yes sir, that's my 'Knitting a soft fluffy toy for Asylum Seekers Charity Badge'. I understand your Grandsons also have them."

[Kiltrash]

Thats my " Brave Boy " badge the nurse gave me for my first jab...

[Kiltrash]

That's my medal you gave me Sir, when we attacked the " House at Poo Corner' and rescued Tigger.

[Beamr]

Maple leaf on green badge... you must be one of those green fighters, do you know Greta?

[Kiltrash]

That one, Sir, That's for being a Covid Marshall at Funerals to ensure the bereaved partner has to sit alone....

[Wensleydale]

"I didn't always want to be a Naval Officer...I wanted to be a Lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree..........."

[c52]

"That's the badge saying I'm exempt from washing my face, Sir."

[treadigraph]

Does that mean you've drunk Canada Dry?

Well, I planned to Sir but you got there first...

[treadigraph]

That one, sir? Oh I got that when I was 15 after I stuffed my first beaver...

[Hydromet]

Isn't this meant to mean "This way up", soldier?

[Kiltrash]

Royal protection squad trained to blend into the background.
HRH...It's not Toronto you know it's Milton Keynes we're in...
Trooper ...Ah more dangerous then sir.

[treadigraph]

HRH: Ahhhhhhh...! Can you play The Maple Leaf Forever?

Canuck: No Sir, after an hour I get tired...

[Dan Gerous]

Apparently I'm piloting your helicopter later, is that the start button?

[NutLoose]

Yeess. one has it on good authority one shouldn't mix whites with colours in the wash as it bleeds, same with your hat, I take it you did both at the same time.

[NutLoose]

Yeesss, Her Majesty wears a similar stocking get up with all those straps and things, but she wears one on each leg and doesn't stick a pistol in hers.

[NutLoose]

I thought the four leaf clover was the lucky one.

[NutLoose]

Canada... Ahhh, I have a Grandson out in Canada, I don't suppose you would be interested in dissuading him.

[cattletruck]

Go on, pull my finger.

[Dan Gerous]

Listen, if you guys aren't doing anything right now, could you deliver a box of Milk Tray to Liz for me?


https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x649/prince_philip_army_e1618675006530_78802203edc7bf19e6f8545728 0467007f7abb52.jpg

[NutLoose]

Maple... Ahh you're those chaps that insist on pouring maple syrup over everything, from pancakes to bacon, dreadful habit.

[NutLoose]

Yes, it's a horse chestnut leaf, I'm the Canadian Armed Forces conker champion 2020 Sir

[NutLoose]

Yes it's my tea drinker badge.

[NutLoose]

Yes it's the new Cannabis leaf badge, it signifies I can be administered it instead of morphine.

[MPN11]

"No, Sir, the leaves only turn red in the Autumn."

[Ascend Charlie]

"Mind if I leave my booger here? It's green, so it should blend in..."

[Hydromet]

"Hey soldier, guess where this finger has been."

[treadigraph]

Yes Sir, our unit motto is "give them the finger!"

[treadigraph]

Canada? No Sir, our uniforms came from C and A...

[Kiltrash]

You take security tight for the Cricket don't you

[Kiltrash]

Must remember to change my Op Forth Bridge plans, to swop the SA 80 to the Enfield for " Reverse Arms '"

[Kiltrash]

Think i have one of these in my flower pressing book, I got from Edward ...

[Kiltrash]

HRH...My Children? Yes I think Andrew is just over there collecting the posies of flowers from the children to give to the Queen
Trooper...and he's getting the girls name and phone number?

[c52]

"With respect, Sir, if you want to wear so many medals you need to put on - oh I don't know - at least another 12 stone."

[c52]

"Things have come to a pretty pass if a modern soldier needs to wear gloves on a day like today."

[622]

"No I am not Geoffrey Boycott!"

[Kiltrash]

"No I am not Geoffrey Boycott!"


He's from Yorkshire, this is the MCC Members Cap.

[Kiltrash]

Well if you cannot remember what you got that for I can tell you exactly what my medals were for,
That's for bravely Carriage Driving through a small puddle.
That's for crossing the road outside Sandringham
That's for piloting Concord ( thinks none of this stupid French spelling )
That's for delegating changing Charles nappy
That's for increasing single handed Land Rover sales
That's for being king....of the BBQ
That's for being 'nice' to the Chinese

[NutLoose]

Ooohh hang on, some sh*t appears to have got stuck on your uniform, hold on and i'll flick it orf for you.

[NutLoose]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x649/prince_philip_army_e1618675006530_78802203edc7bf19e6f8545728 0467007f7abb52_b623d0988015d38418c347295fe2ee0af4a72688.jpg

[NutLoose]

Canada huh, that's the country with all those little furry beaver...my son Andrew likes beaver... but not so furry.




..

[NutLoose]

You know, during the war we didn't have to wear a silly little patch to remember where we came from.

[NutLoose]

I'll tell you what, I'll swop it with you for a picture of the Queen, i must have a stamp somewhere.

[treadigraph]

It's back-to-front, that's what comes of being left handed...

[Big Pistons Forever]

Please don’t push that, it’s the press to test button for my trigger finger.....

[Big Pistons Forever]

It’s so the European’s don’t think we are Americans.....

[treadigraph]

So you are left handed and he's right handed... and they've put you on the right and him on the left so you don't shoot each other, eh? Wonderful what they think of...

[Kiltrash]

Trooper ....No that signifies the number of Squirrels I shot in the trees at Government House
HRH.... Why don't they show Squirrels?
Trooper....Greta was here last week

[Kiltrash]

At home I have a camouflage jacket like yours and I have a badge showing the number of Peasant's I shot...
Don't you mean Pheasant Sir?....
I know what I mean...

[Dan Gerous]

Ooh, I must get one of those for Harry. He got hold of some nice military kit off ebay.

[Kiltrash]

What's the meaning of the Fig Leaf?
It's to hide my Tattoo and save your embarrassment of " Vive la revolution "

[c52]

It's a sticker I got for being brave when I got my first jab, and it reminds me the next one has to go in the other arm.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Wait a minute....you're from Canada! Where the hell am I? Before I nodded off in the back of the plane I thought we were going to Balmoral!

[Chu Chu]

It's in case I have to establish concealment in a forest of blue maple trees.

[Kiltrash]

Owing to increased Salmon Poaching on the river at Balmoral, HRH inspects the new uniforms for the Guilie he helped design.

[Kiltrash]

Fed up with drug dealers, The local authority set up a neighbourhood watch scheme to patrol outside schools.

[Kiltrash]

Looks impressive commented the Duke,
Yes sir, said the Trooper now if only they would release ammunition to us we could make a difference

[Kiltrash]

Impressive said the Duke Assault rifle, Side arm and if i'm not mistaken a Swiss Army knife..

Yes Sir however You don't want to know where I have to conceal the Taser Sir

[Wensleydale]

Does it change back to red in Autumn?

[NutLoose]

I know you Mounty chaps always get your man, but what about women? I have a particular nasty one camped outside Victoria I could do without.

[Kiltrash]

Can't see a Policeman so you'll have to do.
" Show me the Way to Amarillo " please

[c52]

"Well, with so much stuff to carry, I bet you wish you'd joined a tank regiment so the vehicle could carry it for you."

[ex82watcher]

"Only one badge ? you should see my full-dress uniform ! "

[622]

"see..where does he keep his armies ....up his sleevies...oh never mind, who can I talk to now"

[NutLoose]

Ahh Yersss I know your anthem, now how does it go,,, ahhh, got it... I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, join in chaps...I sleep all night, I work all day...

[NutLoose]

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x649/prince_philip_army_e1618675006530_78802203edc7bf19e6f8545728 0467007f7abb52_b623d0988015d38418c347295fe2ee0af4a72688_5e2d 79e3cb23859aab3723dd343c1d4c4a3002db.jpg

[Kiltrash]

So far we have focussed on what HRH has said to the Trooper, me included, however may I offer Trooper saying to HRH..
" about your son Sir A barefaced liar promoted to our highest office in the land" twice

[cavuman1]

Having "let Fluffy off the chain", naughty boy HRH Philip uses his Panama hat to propel the noxious vapors toward the unsuspecting victim behind him.

- Ed

[fitliker]

In defence of the Duke , anyone familiar with the balcony release can only assume that the fluffies are not noxious vapours, but more closely related to nitrous oxide gas . Evidenced by the giggle fest surrounding his fluffs on the balcony .
As Rabbie Burns would say “ Where ever you be let your wind blow free “

His humour and honesty will be missed .

[Dan Gerous]

So I should hold that one, and if I get another two, I win 1 dollar Canadian?

https://cimg5.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1023x649/prince_philip_army_e1618675006530_78802203edc7bf19e6f8545728 0467007f7abb52_b623d0988015d38418c347295fe2ee0af4a72688_5e2d 79e3cb23859aab3723dd343c1d4c4a3002db.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

Christ, you've got more straps on you than there are at Jeffrey Epstein's place.

[c52]

"This rather threatening thing I'm carrying? Don't worry, Sir, it's just a drinking straw with filters so we can drink from any water we encounter. Designed to appeal to the small child in each of us - excepting your Royal Highness, that is."

[Chu Chu]

I'm glad to see we're keeping the Commonwealth on a short leash.

[c52]

Another soldier fails the test of standing to attention no matter what.

[cynicalint]

Let me get this clear,.. you were guarding a minor American actress, and then felt an extreme stabbing pain between your shoulder blades that you cannot remove? I know exactly what you mean!

[NutLoose]

The hat, ohhh it muffles the farts, it’s an age thing don’t you know.

[Kiltrash]

Well no Sir, that's hidden our Black Lives Matter badge

[Kiltrash]

The hat sir? Well I cannot tell a lie, I was in such a hurry to be on parade I picked up my fly fishing cap instead of my hard hat
Ah Fly Fishing, by J R Hartley, and you have a copy? please can you hold it for me....

[Kiltrash]

Trooper behind . It was my turn to speak with the VVIP. But I forgot my cap and did not black up....what a mistake a to a maka

[Kiltrash]

Well Sir, it's so that everyone can tell we are Canadian Armed Forces, in case we go where they don't speak English..
You speak English, well i'll be dammed. Liz the locals speak our language. Damm fuzzy wuzzys.

[Kiltrash]

..and in the far North you wear this camouflage as the ice caps melting so much? Ah ice, another G&T please Mr Treadeau. ...

[Dan Gerous]

Canadian, oh I see. You know I thought you had a funny accent for an Australian.

[treadigraph]

Oh thank God, you speak English... I was worried you might be one of those ghastly foreign types.

[Kiltrash]

Ah you have a Dry wit?, think i'll have a Scotch with ice.

[Ascend Charlie]

"So, your wife washed the hat, scarf and badge with something blue, eh? My wife did the same with this jacket, used to be white, you know. But the silly old duffer is 95..."

[NutLoose]

Canadian huh, do you know Eskimo Nell? We visited Vancouver when I was still in the Navy and by the time we left they had nicknamed her HMS Ark Royal on account of the number Of seamen that had served on board her, what....

[NutLoose]

Canadian, ahh my late mother in laws favourite tipple, well that and the half pint of gin she would dilute the stuff with.

[Kiltrash]

'Royal ' Voice off to the left...
" Oh do come on Philip, I have a Hospital to open, some flowers to collect, and back to Britannina in time to bath Andrew. , Do stop playing with your toy soldiers "