Caption competition

[glojo]

United States Navy to test latest Roll on Shoot off Ferry and F-18 will judge results.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTUNXBCOeFgOsX6mlCZCPPsbmhtG29mYHFtwseUOM-5v63al3QHBA7bi2ge

[NazgulAir]

Evel Knievel waited for the carrier to turn into the wind first.

[ACW599]

The promised disciplinary action for out-of-date car passes was quite drastic.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

US carrier ops have been severely restricted since the flight deck crews insisted on their right to drive to work. Funding for the court case was provided by McDrive, who now have 14 outlets on every carrier.

[squeaker]

Superfluous puctuation mark in new Dublin Airport construction contract results in world's first "airport/car park".

[Dan Gerous]

C'mon guys, there's only one of them, we can take him.

[Courtney Mil]

Oh, Squeaker. That is good.

THIS IS NOT AN ENTRY, BY THE WAY.

[SteveCox]

In the latest remake of the Blues Brothers Jake and Elwood were pretty certain they could get away from all the cop cars in their gov surplus F18

[Siggie]

Honouring the 'special relationship', the newest carrier was named the USS M25.

[Rocket2]

The new good(s?) ship PFI Britannia earns her keep while the Royals are not in residence

[son of brommers]

Boris was left wondering how the procurement bods had managed to overdeliver on the replacement Woolwich ferry http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR32H3Vo23YDw4QkOy4mBqceUH14n2NRs3ZOLlm3LP-OIrokNgaAg

[SteveCox]

The captain was secretly hoping that the arrangement of white & silver cars spelled out something really insulting in Persian.

[SASless]

Overheard during a politician's tour of the of the USN's newest Carrier....


"Yes Ma'am!...Our power plant has the power of 3,500 automobiles....why do you ask?"

[Canadian WokkaDoctor]

This wasn't what the F-18 pilot meant when he told the MTO to get him wheels at 12 O’clock!

CWD

[PingDit]

"That's copied Ops - now locked-on to the Japanese infiltrator in the 12th row."

[airborne_artist]

http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll180/airborne_artist/capcomp1501.jpg

As usual there were some corking entries gents, and I liked Canadian WokkaDoctor with "This wasn't what the F-18 pilot meant when he told the MTO to get him wheels at 12 O’clock!"

and Son of brommers with "Boris was left wondering how the procurement bods had managed to overdeliver on the replacement Woolwich ferry", both of which are Highly Commended.

In the runner-up place is Siggie with "Honouring the 'special relationship', the newest carrier was named the USS M25" and Squeaker with "Superfluous puctuation mark in new Dublin Airport construction contract results in world's first "airport/car park"."

But the winner this week is my very old friend and rotary aviator Toptobottom with the simple but effective "What time did they say the movie starts?"

Take it away TTB.

[NutLoose]

Congratulations Bottomtotop :p

[toptobottom]

AA

Many thanks old bean and apologies for the delay...

In transit now but will post a new piccie very shortly, once back in civilisation :p

[toptobottom]

Back in harness... thanks again AA.

OK, let's try this bad boy!! Judging at the end of the week, unless it dries up beforehand :ok:

http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/I-dare-you-to.jpg

[vulcanised]

Bloody contact lenses, always falling out.

[ShyTorque]

It was a very cruel trick to roll poor and hungry "Blind Ginge's" bread loaf down the ramp and then tell him they had just arrived in dispersal.

[NutLoose]

Ok.... Steady steady steady... Parliament below, flush the toilet....

[NutLoose]

Ryan Air introduce third class

[SASless]

"Hey Muckers! What's the RSM doing at me Bird's Flat?"

[green granite]

LAC Bloggs decided to take planking to new heights.

[MReyn24050]

"You can see my home from here"

[Rigga]

The new indoor BBQ was going really well until Bloggs' Burger caught a draft...

[Arm out the window]

This "Jo Frost Naughty Step" disciplinary system's working rather well, don't you think?"

[ACW599]

"Ginger? Oh, ignore him. He's got a thing for Pippa Middleton".

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, I find that when I make them assume the position at the edge, they push back harder...

[NutLoose]

Drastic measures were called for to maintain C of G when the loadmaster cracked open the crews pie allowance.

[ChristianR354]

'Whose idea was it to play catch again?'

[Buster Hyman]

"Yes, it's clearly photoshopped. You can tell by the lighting & the fake prop spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn...........

[Siggie]

It's OK guys, break out the B&H, there's no sign of Customs.

[CoffmanStarter]

"Are you sure it's absolutely necessary to apply PX24 EVERY time the ramp is lowered ... next you'll have me go down to the stores for a tin of striped paint."

or

"A former Chinook Crewman can't get out of the habit of doing a "look around" before landing."

or

"Much enthusiasum is shown during the military work up of security arrangements relating to the London 2012 Olympics ... this crew was tasked to determine the optimal vantage point for the Ladies Beach Volleyball venue."

or

"The Squadron Summer Tailgate BBQ is cancelled when a vital bit of kit is lost."


Best ...

Coff.

[Rather be Gardening]

"You know Sarge, you really shouldn't have told Prince Harry that we didn't use safety harnesses because of the magnets in our boots."

[Dan Gerous]

During a contact ground troops requested air support. The only aircraft in the vicinity was a C130, but this had no offensive capability. The FAC asked if they could at least do a show of force. The pilot lined up on the target, opened the back door and said to the loadie, " I'll bring her in low, you lean out the back and criticise their curtains."

[Siggie]

Captain, 'Red Light' here, 'Green Light' appears to have gone.

[Krystal n chips]

Despite their solemn assurances that the only way to check the ramp latches was in flight, it was beginning to dawn on the Loadmaster that his quips about pet spanner monkeys to the two G/E's had not been well received....

[622]

It suddenly dawned on the new Loadmaster that 'Ramp Twister' wasn't infact the norm.

[airborne_artist]

"I'm sorry I dropped the long wait, but I can't see any tartan paint either."

[dc1968]

"Hang on a minute, lads. I've got a great idea...."

[PingDit]

"Right! - We throw the flashbangs on the count of 3...."

[NutLoose]

RyanAir introduce their new door to door service in an attempt to save on airport taxes.. "Ok Mr Jones you are next, please join me on the ramp your house is coming into view"

[Canadian WokkaDoctor]

Not being one of the "old-school" Herc-mates, the co-pilot just couldn’t bring himself to depart the aircraft along with his "special" pax.


CWD

[Cows getting bigger]

Mashed off his head, Chuck decided it was time to try out his new wingsuit.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

You want a harness??
This isn't the Womens' Auxiliary Balloon Corps!

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

"Oh hes always at it ...dropping in on his mum on the way to work."

[Runaway Gun]

Oh he's so particular about washing and drying his hands after Number Two's.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Biscuit, Sarge?
Thanks, digestive please. Those ginger nuts seemed to disappear in no time.

[SteveCox]

Top flat 25 Kowloon Terrace was just about to get a visit from the phantom knicker nicker.

[Rosevidney1]

Sergeant Jock McScrivens had no intention of seeing his pound coin roll away.

[toptobottom]

Yikes - where did that week go..? :eek:

Time's up:

In 3rd place is Fox3's
Biscuit, Sarge?
Thanks, digestive please. Those ginger nuts seemed to disappear in no time.

Runner up is Nuts with Ok.... Steady steady steady... Parliament below, flush the toilet....


But this week's star performer is Rather be Gardening with
"You know Sarge, you really shouldn't have told Prince Harry that we didn't use safety harnesses because of the magnets in our boots."


Well done RBG - you have control..!

http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause2.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause2.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause2.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause2.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause2.gif

[Rather be Gardening]

Thanks TTB. Could Nuts take over for this one please?

[NutLoose]

Ok :) thank you for that, same as before, scores on the doors next week..... pondered using this one , if not liked i will replace it..

http://www.moneyand****.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/camel_sex.jpg

[Cows getting bigger]

Its not like the Americans to **** absolutely everything.

[Canadian WokkaDoctor]

Scrogins wasn't listening carefully to his mates when they said they use the camel to ride into town to relieve their "requirements"; not "use" the camel!

CWD

[ShyTorque]

Jawolsky carefully considered the offer to swap his wife for a camel.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Lieutenant Cheeseburger was determined to follow the Hearts and Minds advice of "participating in local sports and customs", though he preferred the "pigsticking" back home in Tennessee.

[airborne_artist]

Lt Pprune was beginning to wish he'd worked harder at school, as then he'd be mounting a fast jet, not a ship of the desert.

[Buster Hyman]

Whilst he managed to get the prettiest Camel, Bloggs hadn't anticipated the run up he needed to get the job done.

[ShyTorque]

You're right, she is tighter than the wife and better legs, too. The deal's on!

[Buster Hyman]

"Now, watch carefully Achmed. This is why they are called the ships of the desert..."

[Siggie]

Another hump on the camel makes it a Bactrian.

[dat581]

The pentagon budget cuts are starting to bite...

[Goprdon]

Now I know what a camel looks like when it is having an orgasm.

[Exascot]

http://www.moneyand****.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/camel_sex.jpg

"Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.

Not original. This is a very old story.


The Army's Camel
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour,
"What's the camel for?".
The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain’s quarters.
The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.

[Mach Two]

Look away, Abdul, he won't be long.

[Krystal n chips]

The assessment for an SF posting was proving difficult for Private Shamburger given that his idea of covert insertion and deep penetration was not quite the same as the rest of the platoons

"Gee Lootenant, didn't you once say your historical roots went all the way back to Norfolk, UK "

[Buster Hyman]

Ahh, so this is what "smoking a Camel" means...

[Oceanz]

Will that be one hump or two?

[CoffmanStarter]

"When my dad was a Texas sheep farmer ... he recommended large wellies for this kind of work"

or

"Pte Jawolsky demonstrates a Cow Tipping technique rarely seen outside of Texas"

[LurkerBelow]

... I would strongly suggest you use Velcro gloves next time sir!...

[Dan Gerous]

...10 Riyals, I love you long time...

[Rocket2]

L.Cpl Scroggins's mates misunderstood when he told them that his girlfriend always had the hump while he was sh&*"%ng her!

[Runaway Gun]

"It followed me home Sir. Can I keep it?"

[NutLoose]

None entry

When I said wear protection, a flak jacket and helmet was not what I had in mind...

[Buster Hyman]

Stand back Achmed, here comes the surge!

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

US Researchers have won this year's Ig Nobel prize for showing that camelsh@gging is in fact a climatic climactic preference, not an ethnic one.

Prof "Shagga" Wallaby said "Next year we plan to investigate East Europeans working on pig farms in Lincolnshire to confirm our theory."

The research was sponsored by several Arab nations who had no influence on the findings, oh no. Really. Honest. Would you like a gold Rolex too?

[SASless]

Trooper Roosevelt Brown caught proving how strong a role Tradition plays in the 10th Cavalry.

[622]

No IED's in there Sir....you are cleared to carry on.

[NutLoose]

Looks like this one has prematurely come to an end and has gone all limp, ok last call for any late entries and scores on the door later tonight.

[simon brown]

"You should be a sailor son! ive 'eard most camels are full of Arab seamen"

[LurkerBelow]

Dummies Guide to Camels

....
It is better if the novice camel owner learns to mount his camel while it is kneeling. Trying to do so while the camel is standing requires considerable acrobatic skills and tends to annoy the camel if you are not suitably attired...

[Buster Hyman]

So you see Achmed, there's nothing sinister about it. He's just working his nutloose...

:E

[NutLoose]

Will do scores tonight, sorry for being premature, my clutch died last night.

[Buster Hyman]

"My clutch died last night, and a friend showed me how to get her in gear..."

[ShyTorque]

Will do scores tonight, sorry for being premature, my clutch died last night.

Probably caught something off the camel....oh sorry, clutch

[airborne_artist]

Lt PPrune was wondering how soon he could introduce Fatima to his mother, but at the back of his mind was the old saying "If it flies, f%^ks or floats, it's cheaper to rent."

[Roadster280]

The RSM was incredulous. "Jesus H Christ Sir, what do you think you're doing!"

or

"I know the training program says "Camel riding", but the intent is to use them as a means of f*&^ing transport! That last word is all-important!"

or

"Private Pyle, how did I know you would f*&^ this up too?"

[Longhitter]

Camel: "Haha!!! I clenched and made the sucker hang on for twenty miles!"

[NutLoose]

And the winner is..... And I hate to say this...

Buster.... with an obvious intimate knowledge and terminology for this sort of thing, with

Stand back Achmed, here comes the surge!

2nd is

simon brown with

"You should be a sailor son! ive 'eard most camels are full of Arab seamen"

And finally with 3rd place

Shytorque with

You're right, she is tighter than the wife and better legs, too. The deal's on!



So :ugh: over to you Buster :{

[Buster Hyman]

Thanks Nutloose...that must've been a tough call for you... :E

http://www.panzerbaer.de/images/bw_pzh_155mm_m109_schalldaempfer_wtd_meppen-001.JPG

[Neptunus Rex]

"Follow this, Billy Smart!"

Senior PPRuNers will get it.

[Rigga]

...Nah mate... THIS - is what I call a gun!

(my apologies to Crocodile Dundee)

[SASless]

The Bangless Artillery Project seemed to be more about function than form.

[Surplus]

Jonesy, I'm not convinced the camoflage is working.

[Roadster280]

Having noticed that it had turned into nothing more than a willy-waving contest, the Germans were determined not to lose this year's NATO Artillery Competition.

[SteveCox]

The designers of the new artillery suppressor now know that 'm' isn't the recognized abbreviation for milimetre.

[ShyTorque]

The latest MOD procurement cock-up was a real biggie...

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Biggest load of bollocks I've ever seen" was a comment on the plan, not an instruction, Hoskins.

[622]

OK...who left the dustcap on the barrel?

[Arm out the window]

Preparations for the Human Cannonball Squad were on track, but unfortunately the number of soldiers of the right calibre was limited.

[NutLoose]

http://www.panzerbaer.de/images/bw_pzh_155mm_m109_schalldaempfer_wtd_meppen-001.JPG


Not to be outdone by the US Star Wars programme the UK Government announce trials on the first Anti Hubble Telescope Interdiction Telescopic System.

Commonly refered to as AHTITS

or

It's no good skip we can't use it, it must be the wrong time of the month, when you push the barrel in, we keep getting a red light..

[CoffmanStarter]

"Now Professor Cox this is what we call a Big Bang !"

[Roadster280]

Lt Grueber was having a field day with his "little tank".

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Vot do you mean, Germany kannot play in the 6 Nations Rugby?
Iz this not the finest "tackle" you've ever seen?

[ACW599]

"Ah ja, here ve haff a typical case of vot ve post-Freudians call penis envy"

[ShyTorque]

"Woah, Stop, hold your fire! I've just read the manual, the target looks so small because we're looking up the wrong end!"

[Rosevidney1]

Listen boys - we've bent over backwards for the noise abatement society and frankly I'm at my wits end wondering what else we can do!

[Neptunus Rex]

"Be gentle with me?"

[CoffmanStarter]

"Jenkins ... I told you this would happen if you rubbed too much lubrication on it."

[Cows getting bigger]

Does my bum look big in this?

[CoffmanStarter]

Apparently the NATO acronym for the Artillery's new piece of kit is causing a few blushes up the line ... Vector Image Augmented Gun Ranging Apparatus :E

[Carry0nLuggage]

"Right you malingering shower! Get out of that decompression chamber NOW!"

[Buster Hyman]

Page 2 is no place for the mighty Caption Comp! :=

So...Runner up...

Fox3's:
"Biggest load of bollocks I've ever seen" was a comment on the plan, not an instruction, Hoskins. Winner this week...

Roadster280: :D
Having noticed that it had turned into nothing more than a willy-waving contest, the Germans were determined not to lose this year's NATO Artillery Competition.

[Roadster280]

Thanks, NutLoose.

I'm off to the left coast on a big silver bird shortly, so Ill post something up tonight when I get there.

[Buster Hyman]

Thanks, NutLoose.

I'm off to the left coast on a big silver bird shortly, so Ill post something up tonight when I get there.

:eek::suspect::=:=:=:=

So...over to our runner up then....:suspect:

[toptobottom]

So...over to our runner up then.... :confused:
Surely it should go to second place? :E

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

On a pilots' forum, I think someone should be allowed to use flying as a decent excuse for a short delay.

I can post if you want, though?

[toptobottom]

Fox3 - I think on a caption contest thread, someone can use a little humour! ;)

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

This should keep Buster happy

http://aussieexotics.com/forum/dlattach/attach,19271/image/its-funny-cause-im-drunk%21%21/usaf-1st-aircraft-carrier-159.0.html.jpg

[SASless]

The USS Obama sets new standards in recreational facilities for embarked crew members. The Command Master Chief thought this to be a backward step from the days of the USS New York.

[son of brommers]

The USS Tiger Woods gave a whole new meaning to the term "playing away from home" :mad:

[Neptunus Rex]

"Bogie at 12 o'clock!"

[Kiltrash]

Yes, but recovery from out of bounds can be a bit tricky.

or

Greg Normans new course design needs help, a helipad in the rough?

[ShyTorque]

US Navy's "Go Green" initiative gets under way.....

[Roadster280]

Caption Competition winner logs in from 38,000ft to post photo, only to realise he's called Buster Hyman NutLoose. A capital offence, under the prevailing rivalry. I have just one thing to say.

OH BOLLOX :)

[Cows getting bigger]

"When I said we had a weed problem i didn't mean....... "

[Dan Gerous]

What's the sea state number 1?
It's looking a little rough Sir.


Ha ha, next time some politician gets a cob up their arse about Navy pilots using helicopters to go golfing, we can say it was a proper sortie.

[EngAl]

Gives a new meaning to the term foredeck!

Or

Is there no limit to what Tiger will do to get his balls on the green?

[622]

The good news Captain is that we have shifted all those cars, the bad news.....

[Courtney Mil]

That's just stupid. Where do you operate the jets from? No, seriously. It wouldn't work.

[glojo]

The captain called in the First Lieutenant to discuss his career development,

"Most forward thinking young officers do not let the grass grow under their feet... Take a look out the window number one and tell me what what you b****y well see!"

[toptobottom]

"Dear Mom - the Navy sent sent me on this Lynx course. It's quite challenging, but give it a few more days and I think I'll be OK..."

Or...

"Admiral's on the Radio Sir - apparently, when he instructed you to design and run a Lynx course, this isn't what he had in mind..."




Thought we were waiting for Roadster's piccie?!

http://aussieexotics.com/forum/dlattach/attach,19271/image/its-funny-cause-im-drunk%21%21/usaf-1st-aircraft-carrier-159.0.html.jpg

[SASless]

World's largest water hazard!

[Rigga]

...and then Dave said the new Royal Yacht was a perfect way of keeping the second carrier!

[toptobottom]

...and if you hear "FORE!!!", run for the bunker and keep your head down...!

[squeaker]

Navy officials quick to deny allegations they have adopted a bunker mentality.

[Buster Hyman]

Caption Competition winner logs in from 38,000ft to post photo, only to realise he's called Buster Hyman NutLoose. A capital offence, under the prevailing rivalry. I have just one thing to say.

OH BOLLOX http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/smile.gif
I'm pretty sure that it's in the Rules somewhere...

Thought we were waiting for Roadster's piccie?!

Yes...curse you Evil smiley for not conveying my subtle humour accurately whilst I slept!!!!! :ugh:

http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/tongue.gif

[NutLoose]

My pleasure Roadster.. :p
I don't know if this picture is the one we are doing but


Car replaced so back in the game with



The RN to make ends meet were forced to run corporate golfing holidays days.

Or

"Sir, I realise you were seconded to the RAF and during your time you learnt the value of hides to disguise the location of the Harriers, but believe me, this plan is simply not going to work."




.

[Roadster280]

Let's just go with Fox 3's pic. I was in the chair just a couple of weeks ago, so I'm not throwing my teddy just yet.

BTW - we had this pic before, March 2007. I'll enter the same caption:

"Master-At-Arms, whoever painted that f***ing great "H" on MY golf course, I want his balls in a jar on my desk by sundown."

[Buster Hyman]

"Call the ball!"
"Err...ok...Titleist 5...Titleist 5...where are you Titleist 5?"

[SASless]

Oh Strewth! Should I Trap or not?

[Siggie]

USS Abe Lincoln sneaks through the Straits disguised as the Muscat Golf and Country Club back nine.

[Mactlsm1]

In an insane attempt to outdo his rival course designers Greg Norman thought, You'll need more than just a "bridge" to get to this "island" green!

[ACW599]

"Nice bit of Photoshopping, Hoskins, but converting Ark Royal to a floating country club isn't a viable proposal in the middle of a recession".

[Buster Hyman]

"...and for a laugh, we turn her into the wind when they get to the Par 3!"

[SASless]

"I say! You Yanks are into this "Bird Farm" thing aren't you?"

[NutLoose]

" This is the captain speaking, it has been brought to my attention several members of the crew are insisting on using the old fashioned head, please desist as you are killing off my grass."

[Canadian WokkaDoctor]

With the flight deck converted to a golf course, the upper decks transformed into a country club and a 5-level gay nightclub below decks; the former HMS Prince of Wales still upholds the finest traditions of the RN!

CWD

[622]

No Hoskins you can't straighten up.....that was the Captains favourite ball and he is not leaving until he finds it in the water hazard.

[NutLoose]

Jeez, Gregs sliced it again, "Hard a port" we will get him finally on the green.

[CoffmanStarter]

XO ... when I said "sod it" ... I was speaking figuratively !

[toptobottom]

Captain: "Hoskins, what do you mean, 'we've got a leak'??!!! Where from exactly?"

Hoskins: "Difficult to tell Sir, but it definitely looks as though we have a mole on board."

http://aussieexotics.com/forum/dlattach/attach,19271/image/its-funny-cause-im-drunk%21%21/usaf-1st-aircraft-carrier-159.0.html.jpg

[Oceanz]

Two greens sir, but it just doesn't feel right

[Buster Hyman]

"Well, that's very kind of you to try & entice Arnold Palmer on board, but I actually said that after all this time at sea, Mrs Palmer will enjoy a break"

[simon brown]

.."Yes Minister , I know ..

Cost overruns ..yes Minister..yes but..

With the greatest of respect Minister you did intimate you want our surface fleet to be greener...

..No minister I dont know how much its going to cost to re design the JSF so it can land on grass..

..new lawn mower contract with Qualcast i dont know how much thats going to cost the taxpayer either we havent looked into that yet Minister.

..well of course we'll have to employ groundsmen to fill in the divots after the pilots land?..then theres the watering...and the marquee isnt where it should be besides we havent had planning permission for it yet..

..no no of course there wont be a public right of access, you cant imagine a 16wheeled JSF landing on your picnic now can you..

.Thats a good idea Minister you could sell it to the Americans, afterall we sold our Harrier fleet to them and I know they can operate on grass..problem solved..well obviously we'll have to cut the grass first and tidy up the borders..

..thankyou very much minister i'll look forward to my bonus, very gracious of you"

[CoffmanStarter]

A Flymo sales delegation is recalled from a Trade Mission to the Gulf when someone spots a flaw in the marketing plan :cool:

[D John]

When the USS Ronald Reagan was launched the navy didn't realise that the ex-president expected to move in and spend his retirement aboard ship!

cheers,

-John:ok:

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Judging 1900Z Friday, as we can't have cap com on page 2.

Ooh, that was a neat trick for getting it back on page 1.

[albatross]

Hey Guys;
Bermuda just called - they want their Island back!

[Buster Hyman]

Well yes, creating fake towns to deceive bombers & recon flights did work during the war...but they never went to sea Hoskins...

[NutLoose]

News flash

A News of the World Exclusive
400 Royal Navy personal to be arrested attempting to smuggle 200 tons of grass into the UK

An exclusive from our undercover reporter monitoring Navy phone conversations

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Third Place


TopToBottom


"Dear Mom - the Navy sent sent me on this Lynx course. It's quite challenging, but give it a few more days and I think I'll be OK..."




Second Place




Simon Brown (with the frighteningly realistic)


.."Yes Minister , I know ..

Cost overruns ..yes Minister..yes but..

With the greatest of respect Minister you did intimate you want our surface fleet to be greener...

..No minister I dont know how much its going to cost to re design the JSF so it can land on grass..

..new lawn mower contract with Qualcast i dont know how much thats going to cost the taxpayer either we havent looked into that yet Minister.

..well of course we'll have to employ groundsmen to fill in the divots after the pilots land?..then theres the watering...and the marquee isnt where it should be besides we havent had planning permission for it yet..

..no no of course there wont be a public right of access, you cant imagine a 16wheeled JSF landing on your picnic now can you..

.Thats a good idea Minister you could sell it to the Americans, after all we sold our Harrier fleet to them and I know they can operate on grass..problem solved..well obviously we'll have to cut the grass first and tidy up the borders..

..thank you very much minister i'll look forward to my bonus, very gracious of you"






and this week's winner is....


Oceanz


"Two greens sir, but it just doesn't feel right "

[NutLoose]

But it has 3 :sad:


:p

[Oceanz]

Much honoured. Hopefully this one hasn't been used before. Judging next Friday unless interest runs out of steam beforehand.

http://mobi.oceanz.com/images/foden1.jpg
(for them's that's interested, this is at HMAS Nirimba)

[SASless]

Beags and crew doing a conversion course onto their Squadron's new Transport.

[Buster Hyman]

".....Rotate!....."

[NutLoose]

"Ok Gentlemen, as you know we are coming to the end of your IOT course, and therefore it is time for us to fill you with hot air, who would like to go first?"

[NutLoose]

This was not what Pilot Officer Scroggins had I'm mind when the boss said, "Ok guys, let's take an early bath on Friday and all go out and get steaming."

[NutLoose]

The RAF desperate to keep some of the old Sqdns alive transfer 66 Sqn's plate to a Foden seen here at the Sqdn's reformation and hopes no one will notice.

[NutLoose]

Well it looks like a Wessex, it smells like a Wessex, then by God it must be a ....

[Buster Hyman]

1919: Red Arrows first display.

[LurkerBelow]

Stuffing bodies into a Mini doesn't work quite the same in the steam-punk era

[ShyTorque]

MOD procurement department, after the usual delay, releases details of new aircrew transport vehicle.

[CoffmanStarter]

Yep ... variable noise f**k all thrust !

[toptobottom]

"Right, hold tight lads - I'm just turning up the turbo half a notch..."

[Runaway Gun]

"Only another 420kts till I call Rotate..."

[CoffmanStarter]

Slight over exuberance by CFS Trappers on a recent standards check ride !

[Surplus]

Cap'n Riker, she cannae take much more.

[CoffmanStarter]

Hoskins, Jones ... you're going to need to "flap" harder if we're to get this bucket of rivets off the ground.

[Roadster280]

Drunken joyriding on the SWO's pride and joy was going to cost them dearly...

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Defence cuts meant 66 (AD) course had to do their Practice Intercepts on traction engines, although it did make the Supersonics a lot easier.

[NutLoose]

"we are never going to get up any speed if you two keep sticking your arms out as airbrakes."

[NutLoose]

Redundant Nimrod crews dispondant at their new mounts soon cheered up when they realised they had facilities onboard for a constant supply of hot pies.

[Buster Hyman]

Guy front left: "Right. Water's boiled...who wants a cuppa?"

[ACW599]

"Get on to MT Control immediately, Hoskins, and tell them we want something better for a crew bus".

[EyesFront]

As the date of the first Grand Prix of 2012 approached, some teams were still struggling to understand the aerodynamics of their car, and decided that they needed more engineers to study the problem

[Rather be Gardening]

Alex Salmond decides not to tell the rest of the SNP just yet that while they now had ownership of the trainset, so to speak, there wasn't a lot of it.

[EyesFront]

After the England full-back gifted the opposition a couple of soft tries on Saturday, new coach Stuart Lancaster decide that a change of sponsored car would send the appropriate disciplinary message

[NutLoose]

Ahh.. the smell of Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... ahh arrhhhhh arrrghhhhh arrrrgggghhhhh, Sh*t that's hot..

[SteveCox]

Due to budget cuts the passing out parade flypast at Cranwell was going to be even lower and slower than normal

[Rigga]

"Oh dear" said the captain.

"Forgot to check the crew list before we set off ....too many Nav's again!"

[Runaway Gun]

"Feel those V squares hitting against your open palm boys? That's the famous Two knot breast!"

[Krystal n chips]

The Shackleton O.C.U. was noted for it's innovative simulator training....

or

Sadly, when M.o.D Procurement placed an order with F. Dibnah Transport they missed the vehicle spec in the small print...

[Oceanz]

Last call for entries...

[Buster Hyman]

The "Scrap & Buy back" scheme for the HMS Ark Royal was disappointing.

[Oceanz]

This judging business is harder than one thinks, however:

Third:

CoffManStarter
Yep ... variable noise f**k all thrust !

Runner-up (though at the speed of the Foden that doesn't require much running):

Roadster280
Drunken joyriding on the SWO's pride and joy was going to cost them dearly..

Winning this round:

Toptobottom
"Right, hold tight lads - I'm just turning up the turbo half a notch..." :ok:

[saville]

http://S3700018 (http://pjsavillebradshaw.webs.com/)

[toptobottom]

Many thanks Oceanz - I thought that last one was beginning to run out of steam... :E

http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause.gifhttp://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause.gif

Lets try this one:

http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/2057686738_93dffb644a_o-450x298.jpg

Think this will be quick, so judging on Sunday evening GMT :ok:

[Oceanz]

Ok lads, the RSM wants Crunchy Nuts for breakfast and that's just what he'll get

[Buster Hyman]

Upholding the tradition of the Sir Walter Raleigh Regiment....

***

Screw this chivalry lark, she's in pants!

[CoffmanStarter]

The Air Force fly over "it" ... The Navy sail round "it" ... but the Army still insist on lying in "it" ... so pleased to see traditions are being preserved :E

[NutLoose]

Private Scroggins was determine that in future he would go private to get his ischuria treated instead of relying on British Army medical treatment.

Or

"So you bunch thought I was extracting the p*ss, well Gentlemen, this IS extracting the p*ss".



.

[622]

'Of course there is no favouritism here'.....The colonel was pleased to quote as his daughter went through basic training

[airborne_artist]

The "Preparation for marriage course" starts off with the easy phase of training.

[Buster Hyman]

She barely noticed the speed humps, much to the troops' disappointment.

[Runaway Gun]

The squad quickly regretted talking her into playing watersports.

[Rather be Gardening]

"Yes guys, I'm wearing stilettos. And unless someone owns up to widdling inside the tent last night, I'm going to do a little tap-dance next".

[CoffmanStarter]

To the guy in the middle ... "Where's your helmet soldier ?" :E

[SASless]

"This female superior position crap makes me feel dirty!"

[ShyTorque]

"Did someone just follow through? :yuk: "

[Wander00]

So which of you guys is Walter Raleigh?

[NutLoose]

Brace yourselves guys, big berthas coming next.

[Roadster280]

The words of the troop sergeant rang in their ears "Right lads, who's up for a dirty weekend?"

[Surplus]

I thought Officers got promoted by climbing on the backs of their troops?

[Arm out the window]

"Right, you men lie down to make a human dam wall, and we'll reinforce that with a dyke running along the top."

[LurkerBelow]

So now you know what happens when we run out of sand bags ...

[6Z3]

Auditions for the re-release of The Bodyguard were on track and on budget

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

RSM: Glad I finally found a use for all you planks!

[Roadster280]

The Cranwell DS just hadn't got the hang of how to do a river crossing.

[Big Pistons Forever]

The Recruits thought the DS was kidding whe she said "if you keep goofing off I am going to walk all over you "

or,

How did the chick(en) get to the other side of the road ?

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Are you sure it was a good idea to give Officer Cadet Nancy Sinatra this exercise to lead?

[ACW599]

"Well, Minister, the RAFCAM annual budget doesn't run to individual echocardiographic investigations nowadays. So we do this instead. It's a bit rough and ready but it seems to work".

[Buster Hyman]

"...and she's cli-im-bing her stair-air-way...to Wrexham...."

[Big Pistons Forever]

"...and she's cli-im-bing her stair-air-way...to Wrexham...."

I think we have a WIIIINNNAAIR ! :D:ok::}

[toptobottom]

Some good ones, but is that it already?! A quick shudder and it's all over...?

Last call for entries; judging tomoz http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/judge.gif

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Men are like carpets,

lay them properly the first time and you can walk all over them for years

[NutLoose]

See.. By getting them with all different tonal values and stamping on their plums, I can play them like one of those fancy tap dancing keyboards you see on TV

[CoffmanStarter]

Kate ... when you said "let's play pontoon lads" ... this isn't quite what we had in mind !

[pohm1]

One minute they're shouting for equality, the next minute they don't want to get their trainers wet.......

P1

[toptobottom]

Judging time!

In 3rd place is NutLoose with: Private Scroggins was determine that in future he would go private to get his ischuria treated instead of relying on British Army medical treatment.

Runner up is Buster's:
"...and she's cli-im-bing her stair-air-way...to Wrexham...."



Winner this time is CoffmanStarter, with:
Kate ... when you said "let's play pontoon lads" ... this isn't quite what we had in mind !

Well done CoffmanStarter - take it away!! http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/number1-smiley.gif

[CoffmanStarter]

Thanks TTB ... my first time on the winners podium :eek:

Hope this offering works for everyones creative juices !

Judging this coming Thursday 19:00z followed by tea and medals shortly thereafter ...

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/sa-photonicshrnvs-1303424828.jpg

Kind regards ...

Coff.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

You'll never get fighter pilots to wear that, Sir. Shades won't fit:cool:

[Buster Hyman]

Resistance is futile.....

[Cows getting bigger]

Does my head look big in this?

[SASless]

The Irish Air Corps Research Branch reckoned if British Apaches were the Bee's using Monocles....the Duplex Monocle would be just the ticket!

[Canardly]

Help! Help! I've gone blind.

========== or ===========

You think YOU'VE got cataracts!

[EngAl]

Looks interesting Mr Fox-Talbot! Can you tell us why you've called it camera obscura?

[toptobottom]

"And you want £100k for a 20% stake?! It's a great idea - you can watch porn, it detects the missus approaching from any angle, BUT it doesn't dispense cold beer and for that reason, I'm out..."

[NutLoose]

RAF trial cybersex for the troops..

Or

" Yes Sir it converts your brain waves into an image and projects it onto the screen..... Errr hang on Sir, we seem to have a problem, nothing is coming through"

Or

Redundant RAF Navigators are now being actively recruited to work on Google Street.

Or

"Ok Sir, that's the helmet fitted, we just need to add the glove to monitor heart rate and perspiration, then insert the rectal probe to measure Sphincter Flutter and we are done".

or

"And the visor fits where?..... ahhhh"

[Runaway Gun]

Jenkins went to extreme lengths to prevent the Boss noticing that he forgot to shave that morning.

[Rigga]

If you want to fully engage with the twitterati you have to engage with them fully!

[NutLoose]

"It is really built from several xbox controllers and runs on a cut down chinese copy of windows 95, ohh the carbon fibre trim, that we added to make it look expensive so we could justify the 250 k price per unit".

[saudipc-9]

Introducing this Halloweens hot item

''Franken Pilot''

[NutLoose]

"I was made in Germany for the boxheads originally"

or


"It's the new ACARS, Automatic Crewman Aural Response System, basically it works like that old toy GI Joe system where you pulled a string out of it's back and it spouted out commands, on this version, you punch the buttons on his head and he says stuff like, How many sugars do you want Boss? or Yes Sir no problem or can I carry your bags Sir, a really useful piece of kit, this is the Mk2 version with the enlarged blinkers.."

[Big Pistons Forever]

One Cadet Pilot to another.

"When they said Instructor Pilots had eyes in the back of their heads I thought they were kidding"

[Buster Hyman]

"Well done Luke. You've just taken your first steps into a larger world!"

[pohm1]

The Daily Star classifieds had previously disappointed Bloggs, with his $20 investment on x-ray specs, but whilst his latest set had cost a little more, early results were promising.

P1