Caption competition

[Whossat Forrus]

Having lost to the police helicopter in a number of chases, Gerrards idea to TWOC a kite with a 42 inch plasma screen went down very well with the Wax and Groom Gang.

[airborne_artist]

It was only when the MoD approached Scrapyard Challenge that they realised just how little it really costs, and how quick it is to build a working helicopter.

[seekayess]

Aircrew line taxi of the future?



http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/381bell_colleagues_excursion.gif

[execExpress]

Having mounted sideways looking radar at front the team soon had C of G back in check.

[Rather be Gardening]

Tesco's new 'Creche for Men' found a number of leftovers at closing time.

[Whossat Forrus]

As soon as The Boss said, "Extra secondary duties should pass the time while it's quiet," the boys had the Squadron cab back out of maintenance sharpish.

[Buster Hyman]

After the Press had gathered around and taken a prominant position, the pilot gently lifted the gyro copter into the air. Naturally the press were amazed, but Edison hushed them as he began his demonstration...."HELLO..."

[ACW599]

"Er, Hoskins, are you sure you panelled that Wessex up properly before you let the Rotortune guys loose on it?"

[Hempy]

Gordon Brown's Cabinet proves that in any conditions, hot air rises...

[6Z3]

....insisting they had done nothing wrong in each claiming business class travel on the gravy-copter

[airborne_artist]

Planning ahead, the passengers had arranged for Moss Bros to deliver their morning suits to the Royal Ascot HLS.

[ix_touring]

It's journalism the old fashioned way:

Messrs Scoop, Press-Stop, E d'Itor and Co tag along to confirm the number of schools missed and quotients of gallantry.

iX

[ShyTorque]

Well done, all. My own caption would be: "The best value committee are invited along on the inaugural flight".

However;

This was topical and has won first prize:


After the SAS were banned from the RAF's Puma fleet, the "desert Landrover" origins of their replacement programme were evident.


Well done Roadster280, please do your stuff! :ok:

[Roadster280]

Thanks ShyTorque.

Watch and shoot, watch and shoot...

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j99/roadster280/in_the_navy.jpg

Judging will be 1800 EDT Thursday June 25th.

[Longhitter]

Michael Schumacher soon found out that joining The Village People was the best thing he ever did...

[Buster Hyman]

Mick Dundee joins the Navy.

*****

I think we've found tonights Barrell Boy Captain!

[brickhistory]

Red Cross marked vessels are supposed to be immune from attack...

[Sierra Hotel]

With the guard of honour still evidently suffering from a heavy run-ashore the previous night, the Chief could only hope that his ventriloquism skills would be able to prevent offending the ambassador.

[FinelyChopped]

Checking the rum and baccy stash.

****** or ******

The seventh in line eagerly awaited her turn.

[Hempy]

Navy. That is all.

[Background Noise]

RN identity parade.

[Buster Hyman]

Formerly a RAF concept, the "Cheek Gunner" was becoming popular in the Navy.

[Krystal n chips]

The Navy were keen to display their new "touchy feely" equal ops. and diversity directives in public

[Barkly1992]

"Ah - the traditions of the Royal Navy - "

As told by my RN dad - Rum, Sodomy and the Lash.
:ok:

[Brian Dixon]

Rum Ration checks out ARRSE

[Dan Gerous]

To the tune of "In The Navy", by The Village People

In the Navy,
You get to sail the seven seas.
In the Navy,
Play with your weapon as you please.
In the Navy,
You get touched up while stood at ease.
In the Navy, In the Navy.

[ix_touring]

The Honour guard was to be inspected by way of "trade"

Consequently the medic was asked to cough etc...

iX

[Shlonghaul]

The Marines are looking for a few good men............

[Flyingblind]

Click.

itunes downloading back street boyz now.

[Buster Hyman]

"You fool Hardy! I said Kiss me quick!!! Not buy me flowers & dinner"

[Howabout]

Next time, if you have to bite the pillow, don't grab the feather-filled one; my cabin's a mess.

[seekayess]

Join the Navy, they told me! It is full of a gay life, they told me!! :\

[GPMG]

Your meant to check the weapons butt, is held firm sir!........


or


You, see me in my cabin at 2200.......bring a friend.

[Roadster280]

Straight to the point:

Brian Dixon is this week's victor, with:


Rum Ration checks out ARRSE


All yours Brian

[Brian Dixon]

Eye thangyou...

As always, hope it's not been done before:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/Dogpo/funny-military-squirrel.gif

Baton handing over ceremony, midweek.

Brian

[wileydog3]

With Rambo now retired and Obama downsizing the military, it was time for a new warrior....

RATBO!!!

[cockney steve]

proof that even the fluffists like medals.

[Buster Hyman]

"...awarded for maintaining his Squirrel grip whilst under enemy fire..."

***

As unlikely as it seems, medals are now awarded to the soldiers that best defend their nuts.

[brickhistory]

This'll save a fortune in airlift...

[Rather be Gardening]

Hazel Blears, reluctantly handing over her 'Rocking the Boat' brooch to the PM, wasn't going to take any chances with his infamous temper.

[Longhitter]

Tea and medals were a weak attempt at compensation after a genetic modification programme to create the Future Soldier went horribly wrong...

[Longhitter]

Chip became a soldier and got the medals, Dale became a pilot and got all the chicks!

[StudentInDebt]

On completing his tour of duty fighting the vicious Red insurgency, PFC Nutkin receives his campaign service medal.

[Buster Hyman]

The contrast in recruitment methods was quite stark however, the fluffies signed up in their thousands!

[pohm1]

"Desert Rat"

[ix_touring]

The rednecks form West Virginia weren't eating as much squirrel these days.

and

Now we know why Mr Gere wasn't linked with a squirrel :E

iX

[Buster Hyman]

"Armageddon!!!"

[hurn]

Now well established on the mainland, General Stormin' Nutkin prepared his forces for the 'shock and gnaw' assault on the Isle of Wight.

[The Nr Fairy]

Everything was going swimmingly until someone asked about the ammo. Only then did people realise a squirrel carrying magazines full of NATO standard 5.56 wasn't going to work.

[6Z3]

When challenged on the morals of deploying a protected species in combat a MoD spokesoperative had no quarms, adding that while Animal Rights might see red, this was in fact a grey area.

[ShyTorque]

The depth of the funding deficit was rapidly realised at DHFS when their delivery of new military Squirrels finally arrived...

[Thud_and_Blunder]

We'll fight them in the beeches...

[mystic_meg]

How to put the Rufty into Tufty :ok:

[shawtarce]

US marine major pipkin, wore his oakleaf with pride......

or

Why did the squirrel report to the MO: he had a corn.....

[arandcee]

I'm not sure if Squirrel Infantry will catch on but lets run it up the flag pole and see who salutes it.

[6Z3]

Cut that Polish chipmunk:\

[Brian Dixon]

And the winner is.....

Thud and Blunder with: "We'll fight them in the beeches"

The baton, Sir, is yours.

Regards,
Brian

[Buster Hyman]

http://forums.mg-rover.org/images/smilies/tumbleweed.gif

[Thud_and_Blunder]

Ah, right - thanks Brian, wish I'd taken this a bit more seriously!

Never had this privilege before - will this one do? (Taken from the superb WSJ Picture-of-the-Day site; do hope Murdoch taking them over won't reduce the standard...)

http://s.wsj.net/media/0320pod04.jpg

[Wander00]

When you get it right, then you get the parachutes

Wander00

[ShyTorque]

Give us the goddam photo, Thud; or is this a picture of beigeness, taken against a beige background? :confused:

:p

[Thud_and_Blunder]

Awfully sorry Shy - don't understand your banter, old man (Python circa 1970) (are you saying you can't see a pic there, or summat?)

Oh, and I'll go for judging Mon-Tue next week, inshallah.

[ShyTorque]

Nope - there's no visible photo on my 'puter! :confused:

[Dan Gerous]

A scene from the new "Python" film BRIAN II. Here we see the Judean Peoples Popular Front's crack suicide paras leap into action.

[ShyTorque]

I think I'll probably join them if I don't get to see the photo soon :}

Aha! now it's appeared! :ok:

"Soldier A, bottom right, suddenly realised in horror that he was supposed to wear a cricket box for this exercise and not a respirator!"

[FinelyChopped]

100m butterfly, para style.

[shawtarce]

The red devils parachute display team were determined to continue with the summer display season, despite the recent funding cuts

[ix_touring]

The audiance knew "YMCA" but couldn't work out what the F:}:eek:K the front two ranks were saying.

iX

[Buster Hyman]

Moments after Kim Il Jong dropped his glasses at a parade...

[Dan Gerous]

Kim il Jong's latest weapon system, codenamed "Butterfly Effect". The principle was simple, if all his troops flapped, they would cause a massive change in weather around the other side of the world.

[ix_touring]

The synchronised willy waving team had one major (little) problem... :O

(Oops, better make that 2: They're not synchronised either :ouch: )

iX

[ix_touring]

Bloke top left: "EEEKK!! a mouse!

The rest: "Where?!?!"

iX

[GPMG]

In an attempt to prove that North Koreans are better than Americans at everything. Kim Il Jong demonstrates how his people would have leapt from the Towers during 9/11.......in formation.

Or

The surprise was obvious for the guys when all of the girls at the 7th annual NKP awards gang bang suddenly dissapeared in the blink of an eye.

[airborne_artist]

A shortage of parachute packers forces 1 PTS to teach would-be airborne soldiers yogic flying.

[Buster Hyman]

Just the SOP for reloading the North Korean Nipple guns...

[Rather be Gardening]

And from Not the Nine O'Clock News, altogether now:

"I like bouncing,
Boing, boing, boing,
Up and down until I get a pain in my groin."

[dwhcomputers]

Because the weather at Waddington this weekend had forecast low cloud the RAF Regiment showed off their new low level routine

[arandcee]

Keep out of the blue and in the red, you get nothing in this game for two in a bed.

Listen to Tony.

[brickhistory]

Final step in DPRK 3-D postage stamp manufacturing process.

[Buster Hyman]

Hole punch department at the Shanghai Donut factory.

[GPMG]

Ok guys, last one touching the deck has to kiss Hazel Blears.

[Thud_and_Blunder]

OK all, thanks for giving it a go.

Although the stomach-churning prospect of getting fruity with Ms Blears did catch my eye, I noted a strong para theme in the replies. Going along with that, and remembering the incomparable Natural Law party and their gym-mat-crossing escapades, I think the line:

A shortage of parachute packers forces 1 PTS to teach would-be airborne soldiers yogic flying.

wins it for Airborne Artist. It's all yours, AA...

[Thud_and_Blunder]

...ah, it would appear normal service has been interrupted.

In the meantime, a short interlude courtesy of the BBC archives...

p-wmbM6EpZU

[shawtarce]

After spending millions on a lump of ****e, they finally managed to turn it into something useful...

[Buster Hyman]

First JSF radome commissioned...:confused:

[airborne_artist]

So sorry guys - didn't think to check that I'd won. New pic up soon, promise.

[oli,_the_original]

Back in the day, there were no concerns that doing pot could kill your braincells or lead to paranoia

[6Z3]

Fisting for Dummies - by Patrick Swayze

[airborne_artist]

This was taken last week, and the caption on the MOD news page reads:

"Harrier Force Commander and RAF Cottesmore Station Commander, Group Captain Ken McCann, is welcomed home from Afghanistan with a kiss!"

I'm sure Ppruners can come up with witty, but printable speech/thought bubbles for the two eager participants....

http://www.mod.uk/NR/rdonlyres/D4C6A26E-96EF-4F10-BA63-197CCA05FDBF/0/harriers01.jpg

[Cows getting bigger]

Hi darling. My mother is visiting for a few days. You don't mind, do you?

Slow on the uptake, Kenny didn't realise that the woman he was kissing wasn't his wife.

[6Z3]

A unique moment in the history of the JFH - A non-whining Harrier pilot.

[Col_onHF]

yeah, lovely to see you - kiss - but now you go off to the sheep dip and then a shower with some dettol first........

[GPMG]

'Hi honey...is that a loaded gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?? :E'


'No, it's my p*ss tube, but thanks for wiping the end. '

[Buster Hyman]

I've brought you a pot....

[ShyTorque]

"I don't know who you are, madam, but my tube has a "GO" caption and it's your lucky night!

[Wander00]

Now Darling, what is that "chuff chart" the girls were talking about?

[6Z3]

OK, which b@stard superglued the chapstick:oh:

[Thud_and_Blunder]

Whatever I do eventually get around to writing, it's NOT going to refer to the pearl necklace...

[ix_touring]

Kiss Kiss, hey nice thought darling, but I wouldn't bother with the Naffi fake tan, there's too much pink and not enough Orange... :}

iX

[The Nr Fairy]

Thinks her (huffily) - "I make the effort to come here wearing rapidly removal items, and he's made no effort at all !"

Thinks him - "Right, once I get these G-trousers off I'm well up for it !"

[Rather be Gardening]

Hi Sweet Lips, just off out with the girls. I've left your list of jobs on the fridge - the cat needs worming and the boiler's playing up again. You'll have to use a scythe to mow the lawn and the SWO wants a word about dress regs. Busy, busy, busy!

[pohm1]

Sqn Ldr Blogg's wife chose her most revealing 'cut-down' burkha as the welcome home outfit.

P1

[airborne_artist]

Judging this tomorrow, 17th at lunchtime, so get your entries in pronto :ok:

[Buster Hyman]

Umm...it's currently 4 hours after lunchtime on the 17th...:confused:

;)

Anyway, last entry...

Biggles suddenly realised that Ginger wasn't the best kisser.

[6Z3]

A_A, having a late lunch are we? In my day Friday lunchtime in the FAA usually started on Thursday!

[6Z3]

She thinks: I'm on my lunch break Tiger.... so get your entries in pronto

[airborne_artist]

Forgot that Friday was a long-planned, long lunch, which finished about twelve hours later....

Anyway, a little late, my prizes go to:

Highly Commended - RatherbeGardening with:

"Hi Sweet Lips, just off out with the girls. I've left your list of jobs on the fridge - the cat needs worming and the boiler's playing up again. You'll have to use a scythe to mow the lawn and the SWO wants a word about dress regs. Busy, busy, busy!"

and

6Z3 with

"OK, which b@stard superglued the chapstick"

but today's winner is:

ShyTorque with

"I don't know who you are, madam, but my tube has a "GO" caption and it's your lucky night!

Over to you, ST :ok:

[ShyTorque]

Ooer, missus! Thankyou, AA.

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/handbagging.jpg

(Courtesy of MilitaryImages. net)

[dwhcomputers]

I know I shouldn't but there’s nowhere else to keep it handy

[Cows getting bigger]

"Shirley was pleased with the Harrier Handbag hooks she nicked from RAF Gutersloh's Officers' Mess bar". (Sorry, you had to be there)

"Shirley was wondering why her aircraft was yawing to the left."

[GPMG]

Maggie Thatcher fly's again.

or

Flt lt Pprunester wondered why control wasn't answering her requests for the next vector

[ZH875]

The desert issue handbag proved popular with pilots, but clashed with the regular issue flight suit.

[ehwatezedoing]

(quote from LoL Celebs)

MADONNA
No, really. Seriously, it’s her. Normal clothes, normal hair, no crotch flash, no veins arms waving at you.
I know, it freaked me out too.

[Buster Hyman]

The YSL Cockpit range proved a hit amongst the Lay-deees...

...


It was bound to happen. Free seating under deregulation meant someone was bound to throw a bag left instead of right!

[The Nr Fairy]

Once they worked out why the fuel burn was higher than normal, it was a trivial matter to fix it.

(Anyone old enough to remember pull-out chokes on cars ? :) )

[pohm1]

Flt Lt Biggs mere presence flouted the unwritten rule of "no more than one 'old bag' in the cockpit at a time."

[ix_touring]

Lt. Doris knew all about 3 hole birds :ooh: so she assumed the the extra extinguisher must be a spare.

iX

[Buster Hyman]

You'll never guess where she left her coat & gloves! :eek:

[Dan Gerous]

New York, London, Paris, Munich, mmmm... no. No.1, set course for Milan, I know where I can get a lovely pair of shoes that match my bag perfectly.

[ShyTorque]

Entries a bit slow now so it's time to judge!

Nr Fairy, your comment was one of the least sexist, but still just enough to win it :E


Nr Fairy, take it away, please!

[The Nr Fairy]

My word ! Thank you very much.

Try this:

http://funnymilitarypictures.pftcalculator.com/images/11.jpg

Judging Wednesday evening due to travel plans.

[brickhistory]

Armchair warrior camouflage trials graded a success.

[ShyTorque]

Sofa, the army deserter has not been found. :8

[GPMG]

Pvt. Smithy's attempts to covertly dry hump the sofa were a success, until he fell back to memories of basic training and started Grunting.

[Buster Hyman]

Concealing her soldier boyfriend was going well until Tracey's sister Bertha sat down to watch Biggest Loser.

[Barkly1992]

He though the had got away with it - but the BOOTS gave it away.

[ACW599]

"Yes, Bloggs, very sneaky-beaky. But we're still not letting you into 21 SAS without going through Selection"

or:

"You ain't seen me -- right?"

[Longhitter]

Bloggs almost won the camouflage competition, were it not for the fart he couldn't suppress...

[PingDit]

Drunk Ppruner judged the scratches on the wall paintwork to be outrageous!

[Sierra Hotel]

After several weeks of covert surveillance of the Iranian president by US special forces operatives, it became apparent that the president had both a poor taste in upholstery, and had dropped enough loose change to purchase several stinger missiles.

[Cows getting bigger]

DFS shares slump as leaked photo fuels rumours of hostile take over.

[Howabout]

Bugger you Buster; I was about to have a shot till I read yours. Talk about stealing my thunder - bustard!

[TyroPicard]

If you'll just pay attention, 007, I'll explain how to extend the chameleon effect to the boots.

[Buster Hyman]

Bugger you Buster
:ooh:...might take a rain check there Howabout...:uhoh:

[ix_touring]

The Ikea sappers are in training for the "War on Chince"

iX

[Buster Hyman]

http://bluenorthernsoftware.com/scarecrow/images/waiting_skeleton.gif Shouldn't be long now....

[Howabout]

The trouble with Buster is that he's busting a gut to win one of these, having been a perennial runner-up. Buster is the caption competiton equivalent of golf's Greg Norman.

However, while mine is not to judge, the delay (if the adjudicator does not reappear) may force a decision based on acclamation. So, in my opinion, there's nothing else for it. NR Fairy has not reappeared within the nominal timeframe. Therefore, I propose the following (this is going to draw the crabs!):

as a previous holder of the crown, my decision will be final.
the current 10 day judgement period exceeds by 3 the normal and accepted time-span for a decision.
people, who are waiting for a life-changing decision (Buster), wet beds for less than this - which makes it a duty-of-care issue.
but that is dependent on whether the fairy reappears within 24hrs and delivers judgement- 24hrs grace is considered adequate, given the concomitant stresses that people (Buster) are already suffering.
if the fairy does not reappear within 24hrs, I will take full cognisance of the intervening, and immediate, feedback from all members belonging to this august thread.
I will then consider that feedback, and make a decision based on the majority view.
where there is no clear majority view, I will exercise my discretion.
this may offend, but the thread has stalled and we need to move on.
finally, in the interests of democratic process, and if someone has a better idea- file it NOW.Decision time, barring Fairy intervention, will be 1030 GMT.

[airborne_artist]

As originator of the thread I claim primacy on this :E

Highly commended:

TyroPicard "If you'll just pay attention, 007, I'll explain how to extend the chameleon effect to the boots. "

ACW599 "Yes, Bloggs, very sneaky-beaky. But we're still not letting you into 21 SAS without going through Selection" (had to give that one points for mentioning my alma mater)

But the winner, and awarded title of "Caption Champ, round 6,564" is

Buster Hyman with "Concealing her soldier boyfriend was going well until Tracey's sister Bertha sat down to watch Biggest Loser."

[Buster Hyman]

This has all the hallmarks of a Constitutional Crisis!:eek:

Do I post a piccy & risk a Coup d'état, or do I bend over & take those disparaging remarks like a man?

I'll have you know that I've won more Caption Comps than Greg Norman's won US Opens! And while I'm at it, since when has it been ok to comment on peoples incontinence??? :=

Coup it is...

http://images.theage.com.au/2009/08/05/664644/v7-600x400.jpg

(Once again, apologies if done before, to big to look, yada, yada, yada...) ;)

[c-bert]

"Hi-ho shilver...hic...away!"

or

Mashed off her tits, Amy Winehouse's audition for the Lone Ranger remake was not going well.

[GPMG]

MOD Procurement decided to go one better in predicting what equipment would be needed in the next war. They would instead predict what was needed in the 'next next' war.

Of course, the next war would be with Korea which would include Nukes, thus the war after that would be won with bow's and arrows.

Thus the need to test the future transport needs.

[mystic_meg]

Vlad, suffering the mother-of-all-hangovers, had no option but to ride out of Vegas, having gambled the official Zil (and the proverbial shirt) the night before.

[airborne_artist]

When Cockney boy Lt Col 'Arry Smiff said to his batman "I need a pony (http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/pony_and_trap)" he wasn't expecting a lift to the latrines ...

[Hempy]

Everyone knows that Charles met Camilla at a polo match in 1970, while riding a horse, but no one knew SHE was the horse....

[brickhistory]

The Outlaw Josef Vales

[FinelyChopped]

Riding bareback.

[mystic_meg]

Russian president stars in low-budget remake: "The Good, the Vlad and the Ugly" :)

[ix_touring]

Mr. Putin demonstrates the stunning effectiveness of the new "night vision" goggles by getting dressed while wearing them.


Or

Fed-up with donkey work, Vlad requisitioned an upgrade.

iX

[Rather be Gardening]

Vladimir realised his bid to outdo Berlusconi had been thwarted by his Aide mishearing the instruction to 'get me a ride with a whore'.

[shawtarce]

He must have been a stacker before getting involved in politics, he's wearing desert boots...

[Buster Hyman]

Even though Mr. Putin rode around & around Brokeback Mountain, he still failed to score.

[WhiteOvies]

Niet, i will not be Putin on anymore clothes.

[Howabout]

Vladimir Man-Boobs is encouraged to seek pommel-therapy after Russian tests prove that women have ginormous ones when riding horses.

[ACW599]

Declassified BRIXMIS imagery strongly suggested that the Moscow water supply contained far higher levels of oxytocin and prolactin than had been thought hitherto.

[Buster Hyman]

Things went from bad to worse for the star of the now cancelled Mr Ed TV show..."Oh Vladimir!"

[hum]

Tally Ho!!

[Sierra Hotel]

Despite the recession hitting Russia hard, Putin is still able to show his wealth as the richest man in the country.

[pohm1]

President Putin demonstrated his ignorance of all things equine when he decided he would go riding 'bare-back.'

P1

[ix_touring]

Not to be out done by Former President Clinton, Vlad goes to North Korea and brings lunch. :}

or

North Korea gets ready to suckle at the teat of Russia.

iX

[PingDit]

New 'Government Approved' mine detection system enters service in Afghanistan............

[Hempy]

http://www.ausbf.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/laughing4.gif

[Data-Lynx]

So Vlad, do your deals on car insurance include nags?

[Oceanz]

Vlad: "I'm knackered" Dobin: Me too!

[Dan Gerous]

..and when I visit Scotland, I'll have a White Horse.

or

What's got six legs and a cnut halfway up its back?

[Buster Hyman]

Okay, 5 days is enough I reckon, and before I gut "tumbleweeded" ;) I shall pass judgement...

Now, assuming I can't vote for my own contributions...:E...and applying the "laugh out loud" technique here's where I'm at...

3rd place...Sierra Hotel.
Despite the recession hitting Russia hard, Putin is still able to show his wealth as the richest man in the country.

2nd Place...Rather be gardening.
Vladimir realised his bid to outdo Berlusconi had been thwarted by his Aide mishearing the instruction to 'get me a ride with a whore'

And, top of the pops today is...ix touring with

Not to be out done by Former President Clinton, Vlad goes to North Korea and brings lunch.

[ix_touring]

Great!

This weeks canon fodder is a Mr. Ainsworth with some loyal supporters:
(judging Friday midday BST)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/07/04/article-1197529-0597BA25000005DC-523_468x341.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Once they get the rotors going & lift him up, the boxes are for what's left....

[Wander00]

Spare a copper for a chopper, guv?

[6Z3]

People's lives - Deal or No deal

[Rather be Gardening]

Ainsworth: "Don't get your hopes up, lads. I've only borrowed the chopper for this photoshoot - it's got to go back to the showroom later. Smile!"

[S'land]

"Minister launches new system for compensating service personel".

[Data-Lynx]

From where we're looking, the Minister has indeed busted his gut to get more helicopters!

[Grover82]

While we're having a chat, did I tell you about when I worked for Coventry Corporation?

[ACW599]

"I'm a minister. Get me out of here"

or:

Following Hazel Blear's unfortunate experience with her car, Ainsworth was determined that his own transport would not be vandalised under any circumstances.

[airborne_artist]

The Defence Secretary responds to the need for more helicopters during the spending squeeze by launching "Chip pans for Chinooks" in which citizens of the United Kingdom are encouraged to donate their chip pans to be melted down and made into much-needed battlefield helis, with the added bonus of reducing waistlines at the same time.

[Buster Hyman]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/07/04/article-1197529-0597BA25000005DC-523_468x341.jpg

(Soldier, second from left)

Oh goody! Another box of morale!:hmm:

[Hempy]

In a PR bid the Government unveils its latest Game Show "Pick-a-Defence-Policy".

[Cows getting bigger]

Crab to Pusser "I love you"

Armed forces fail to hide their spare helicopter from SofS.

[oli,_the_original]

The look on Ainsworth's face said it all when he finally lost his battle to control his bowels at the photo op at DHFS Shawbury.

[Krystal n chips]

As Sir Humphrey sighed, he slowly and calmly advised that:

" Well Minister.....the boxes are for thinking outside of....the patch of blue sky is for thinking.....the helicopter should give you a good idea of where this thinking should be directed ...would you like me to go through that again for you Minister ? " .

[Dan Gerous]

SILENCE... this man commands a cwack legion.
He wanks as high as any in Rome

[Oceanz]

They all knew it would be a long speech, so brought a packed lunch

[Howabout]

Has he got a broom-handle shoved up his jacksie, or is he just happy to see us?

[ix_touring]

SILENCE... this man commands a cwack legion.
He wanks as high as any in Rome


(And what was his name...Bigus Dickus! Funny how life imitates art)

[ghostrider1]

Right lads ! form a line so he does'nt see us nicking it and taking it to Bastion !

[brickhistory]

Right, we're live in five...four...three, two...one.....


Good afternoon and welcome to another episode of "Pimp my Ride..."

[Sierra Hotel]

Bob, You are the Weakest Link, goodbye!

[Air Cadet]

So following the review, I have divided the defence budget equally, amongst the remains of the armed forces and given it to them individually to spend as they see fit.

[backTOfront]

"Why are they not pleased? I went to great expense and heartache to get them new body armour. Sometimes there is just no pleasing people"

[ix_touring]

delay due to iPhone sign in issues, however it's over to you Krystal n chips!



As Sir Humphrey sighed, he slowly and calmly advised that:

" Well Minister.....the boxes are for thinking outside of....the patch of blue sky is for thinking.....the helicopter should give you a good idea of where this thinking should be directed ...would you like me to go through that again for you Minister ? " .

IX

[Krystal n chips]

One is flattered to have won !......so, as one has control so to speak, please bear with me for a couple of days whilst I sort out a little IT glitch at this end.

[ix_touring]

another iphone eh?!? (great phone just can't cope with signing into the site!)

[MostlyHarmless]

Pretty serious glitch you have there, Krystal n chips...

[brickhistory]

"Stealth IT makes its debut."

[MostlyHarmless]

heh. In a similar Vein:

"Gordon unveils the replacement Helicopters we're getting in the medium term"

[ix_touring]

The runner up, and de-facto winner if in the event that Krystal can't get his chips running by midday Friday, is:

Buster with:

(Soldier, second from left)

Oh goody! Another box of morale!http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/yeees.gif

iX

[Buster Hyman]

Midday? I'm UTC +10 remember!!! ;);)

[treadigraph]

OK chaps, Krystal n Chips is still having some probs, so I am posting his photo on his behalf.

http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q248/treadigraph/caption_contest_kc.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

Close..but no cigar.

[seekayess]

He isn't big enough for me! Someone get him a Viagra!!

[green granite]

The MOD tests a cheap Nimrod update system

[Cows getting bigger]

MOD accepts that the cheap alternative to self-deployment brings a small capability gap during each roulement.

[Green Flash]

A bitter pill to swallow .....

[Buster Hyman]

"They don't like it up em Mr. Mainwearing!!!"

[ShyTorque]

" I don't remember eating that!"

[brickhistory]

This whole Russian nesting dolls craze has got to stop!












although I vote for ShyTorque's! :D

[Buster Hyman]

So...Russians do swallow...

[fltlt]

Wrong end stupid!

[Krystal n chips]

My apologies to all for the "operational delay" ...sometimes it all goes for a can of worms just when you least need it.....so, as we have a BH looming, Aug BH Monday is judgement day.


And my thanks to treadigraph for helping me out here. :ok:

[Buster Hyman]

Jetstar's no frills airline went from bad to worse...

[gileraguy]

Origination of the phrase mothers use to spoon feed their children :

"Open Wide! here comes the airplane!"

[The AvgasDinosaur]

Another two hours and we can say it flew on schedule, if not on budget !!
Be lucky
David

[LurkerBelow]

Damn! Who forgot about those two pointy-up thingies on the end?

[Fortissimo]

"What do you reckon, Co - spit or swallow?"

[PingDit]

...and the next time we see it, it'll be the 'Nimrod 2000'!

[ACW599]

"Er -- anyone know the Russian for ipecacuanha?"

[ix_touring]

Well, you need:

1 Jewson Antinov
2 Jewson Ramps
4 Jewson Tie-down straps
15 Jewson Hi-Viz jackets

iX

[Buster Hyman]

The Antonov crew, realising it was too late for an Epidural, soldiered on regardless...

[Data-Lynx]

"Quick, before Aeronut wakes up", urged XV277.

[Ex matelot]

Hold your nose and swallow the lot!

[ix_touring]

Bloke on left of picture reading mobile phone:

"I just got a joke: Did you hear the one about the big nob with the red end in the Russian bird's mouth?"

iX

[Sierra Hotel]

After unloading the fuselage the groundcrew were shocked to see the lorry the MoD had promised them was a miniature from the early learning centre.

[S'land]

"There you are children, contrary to popular belief good aeroplanes are born - not manufactured".

[6Z3]

...and here we have the Condor Mk II, known affectionately as...

http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q248/treadigraph/caption_contest_kc.jpg

..... the XXXL Condom

or

The government takes full advantage of it's expanded National Scrappage Scheme. (yep, a tongue in cheek caption :yuk:)

[arandcee]

10 blokes on site. Only two are pushing. One is actively getting the way and seven are stood around trying to look important in hi-viz jackets. Must be a governement job.

[cockney steve]

" Ven ve bomb ze enemy, zey stay bombed"

[Shlonghaul]

After his release from prison Ronnie Biggs wasted no time in arranging The Great Plane Robbery

[EyesFront]

No expense was spared with the new full motion simulator for Nimrod crew training, but a small oversight meant that the motions were all back to front...

... and the zero-gravity parabola played merry hell with the coffee and pasty run

[MostlyHarmless]

Bargain! Nimrod Fuselage
Item condition: Used
Time left: 1 day 3 hours (28 Aug, 2009 15:56:27 BST)
Quantity: 3 available
Price: £4.99
Postage: £96,000.00

http://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/uk/logos/logoPayPal_51x14.gif

Estimated delivery time varies for this postal service. Seller dispatches within 3 days

[GPMG]

David Attenborough voice on -

'And here we see the female Condor, regurgitating her prey, so that she can feed her young chicks.....'

David Attenborough voice off -

[JagRigger]

"OK boys, put it back - they've cancelled the b****y contract"

[Buster Hyman]

"I'll pick...door number 1 Tony..."

"IT'S A SECOND HAND NIMROD!!!!":D:D:D

[Sierra Hotel]

'At the height of the Cold War the USSR demonstrate they are both effective and efficient with their Russian Doll approach...'

[STN Ramp Rat]

V1 .... rotate

[Howabout]

I've laid a few spectacular cables in my time, but I can't compete with that.

[andrewmcharlton]

"This kind of penetration is best without the four blow jobs....."

Risque I know, no apologies ot anyone offended.

[Krystal n chips]

One's plans have been changed for the w/end......so, some very freudian reponses..strange that !......and the final judgement.

In 3rd place....arancee

In 2nd..........Shy Torque

By the winner is.....MostlyHarmless............over to you MH.

The pic taken at "less than sunny" Waddo, Dec 07 in case anybody was interested and will probably be, as Jag Rigger observed, it's last flight ironically.

[MostlyHarmless]

AyThankYew....

God there's a lot of weird stuff on the Interwebs (Which I've wasted the afternoon trawling). Try this one for size...

http://armoredd.com/gallery/albums/Russian-Defense-Industry/Crazy_Russian_Su_35_Pilot_Ejects_Movie_Mach_2_01.sized.jpg

[jez_s]

'Never did like him!'

[brickhistory]

Carlos Santana music to ON:



"Low ri-der, drive a little slower....."

[airborne_artist]

"when I said "would you like to go topless darling?" this wasn't quite what I had in mind..."

[Gunnerrock]

This sunroof is quite cool isn't it?............isn't it?.............err, hello in the back...

[Longhitter]

Yuri ran out of flares and went with Plan B

[UpShutter]

Thank Christ for that, I thought I'd gone deaf!

[airborne_artist]

"Well, that's one way to clear the cockpit of all those loose bits and bobs."

[andrewmcharlton]

"I knew showing him the Air Cadets training video was a bloody mistake"

[ACW599]

"Jump, jump, John . . . oh, I see you already have".

[FinelyChopped]

I told him time and time again not to touch that handle, but would he listen?

[GPMG]

Yuri had that nagging feeling that he had forgotten something, like leaving the gas on.......

[ix_touring]

"...and in the event that we need to eject, the command will be EJECT EJECT EJECT. I won't repeated it but my boots have FOLLOW ME on the heels."

Yuri then got into the back of the plane...:rolleyes:

or

802 green pilots siting in the seat... if one were to eject, there'd be 801 ....

or

Yuri cleared his ears just in time to catch "Flanker in the rear" and thought F£$k you! BANG!

or

Vladimir Putin's' latest photo op wasn't quite up to the standard of recent efforts. :suspect:

iX