Caption competition

[airborne_artist]

Provide a suitable caption/commentary to this:

http://www.ukmfts.mod.uk/images/aircraft/Ldom.jpg

[wishtobflying]

Might help if it was a bit bigger ...

Oh waitaminute I was talking about the picture that wasn't a caption ... er ... actually that's not a bad caption, is it!?
:ok:

Cheers,

wishtobflying

[Green Meat]

"Now then, this is the colostomy bag drain for our more senior aircrew..."

[adr]

http://www.ukmfts.mod.uk/images/aircraft/Ldom.jpg
(1) "This is working a treat," thought Julie, "I've not had to wait for anything all week." Her strategem of attaching a 'Remove before flight' banner to her coveralls, and toying with it as she walked to the flight line, was soon to be widely copied.

(2) "And if the hose turns blue inside thirty seconds, we're in trouble."

(3) "...saved £800 per aircraft. The new APU uses stored kinetic energy. First thing I have to do is pull out the old rubber band through this hatch here..."

[Green Meat]

"Er, listen boss, I know you're trying to impress me with your technical ability, but honestly, I can even see where you've painted the garden hose orange and what's more, you've stuck it to the nose with blu-tac."

[airborne_artist]

"And at the end of each flight we simply plug into the charger using this cable. The next morning we have enough power in the batteries to take us about 30 miles, which is quite enough for a pilot of your experience"

In the light of PN's post below:

"............. enough power in the batteries to take us about 30 miles, which is quite far enough from home for a navigator of your experience"

[Pontius Navigator]

Airborne_Artist, not bad except she's a nav so you should have said 'so we can't get lost.'

[An Teallach]

The MO and IFS(RAF) wondered if their campaigns on Safe Sex and Flight Safety were being confused in the minds of the trainees ...

[Brian Dixon]

Jeff wanted the message to say "Marry Me", but his snopake had run out after painting the underside.

[Trumpet_trousers]

..."is that a Houchin cable in your hand, or are you just pleased to see me?"....:E

[joe2812]

'While you're down there..."

[BEagle]

"Ooh - do be gentle. Don't just ram it in, ease it in slowly and carefully!"

[Runaway Gun]

"And this is the emergency escape exit and rope. I suggest you exercise your WAF arse and lose a few pounds before using it."

[zedder]

"Now this bit is quite hard. Grab it with both hands and give it a good tug."

[The Nr Fairy]

Her thought bubble:

"He said it was going to be long, red and HARD. Never mind."

[Stray Fin]

And when you've finished being a navigator... there'll be another "M" you'll work under, and it'll be fries, not pies, you'll be serving.

[Talking Radalt]

"Due to a typing error in his original e-mail the CO found himself kneeling before an unforgiving Dominietrix"

Coat........me.........getting :\

[buoy15]

Yeh! I'm AC and DC? How long's this gonna take?

[FFP]

"And this cable is. .. ermm . . ..something to do with the groundcrew I think . . .. or at the very least the Air Engineer . . . . But if anyone asks you what it is, just say "GPU" in a knowing and convincing manner and then go back to your maps. . . . . .. . .Basically, as a WSO, don't go near it. Please."

[airborne_artist]

and the winner is .........

much rustling of envelope








turns card over







gets on specs







Talking Radalt.

Please be upstanding and come and receive your prize -

[adr]

Applause

Congrats, Talking RadAlt. I heartily endorse the judge's decision. I thought my entries were good until I read yours.

As a souvenir to add to your prize, here's the full-sized pic:

http://www.mcbarrett.f9.co.uk/stradishall/images/dominie.jpg
Picture credit: mcbarrett.f9.co.uk (http://www.mcbarrett.f9.co.uk/stradishall/planes.html)

Sits back for Talking RadAlt's acceptance speech.

adr

[Talking Radalt]

I'm errr.....speechless!
Last time I won anything I was in Class 4b. :O

Thank you! thank you! thank you!








Can the young lady in the photo present my prize please?
In fact, could she be the prize? :E

[rivetjoint]

She's the prize......? (Better not say anymore in case the young lady is reading)

[airborne_artist]

TR

Over to you to source the image for the next round of competitive fun!

Clearly needs to have a military aviation theme to it....

[BEagle]

TR is clearly the proud possessor of high-gain beer goggles.....

[Talking Radalt]

I was going by the small image. :*

OK then, to make up for Miss Houchin Cable 2004.....http://galerie.le-refuge.net/albums/userpics/10017/normal_160_fuel_a.jpg

Fcuk it! :*
Is everyone else just getting that irritating little red X of oblivion?
Bill Gates has a small penis :mad:

[joe2812]

Applause

Very witty :p

Think this should be a regular thing? I do!

[BEagle]

...if he has one at all!

[Talking Radalt]

For info, I've PM'd a link to the chosen image to Airborne Art so he can hopefully post by proxy. :ok:
I can't work this fcuking thing. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[airborne_artist]

TR wanted to post this image, but his fingers were, let's say, busy...

so gentlemen, and others, your captions please

http://galerie.le-refuge.net/albums/userpics/10017/normal_160_fuel_probe_a.jpg

[Trumpet_trousers]

....it's latest transgender pilots....:E

[BEagle]

And of course the structural inegrity of the probe was designed to cope with 7 healthy girls perched astride it?

Nice girls, stupid photo.

[KM-H]

Well, I'm always in favour of Hooters girls anywhere, but I've got to ask -

What the F#ck has the penguin got to do with anything ??????:confused:

[Trumpet_trousers]

What the F#ck has the penguin got to do with anything ??????

....maybe he could smell fish?? :E

(Good spot, BTW!!)

[Banggearo]

- "As his 7 accomplices distract the crew Pingu is caught on film seconds before stealing the helicopter, it is thought that he is seeking revenge following the tragic death of his mother who fell on her back watching a chinook fly overhead and was not able to get back up."

[KM-H]

Ooer! Feeling a bit sad now:-

Show me 7 Hooters girls:

Show me a highly modded Chinook with all the extra avionics:

I see a penguin??

I think its time for beer.:p

[Milt]

"You didn't notice that we are missing a wing? Do another walk around."

[Talking Radalt]

Wondered how long it'd take to notice the penguin!:ok:

Not sure what's "stupid" about the photo, Beags :uhoh:

[joe2812]

"Insider photos leaked of RAF's new SEAD weapons..."

[IanH]

"Now thats what I call a big chopper !" ......... and the helicopter aint bad either ................

[adr]

http://galerie.le-refuge.net/albums/userpics/10017/normal_160_fuel_probe_a.jpg
(1) This extraordinary optical illusion was produced by Qinetic's image processing group at Malvern. If you stare at the picture long enough, eventually a helicopter and a penguin become visible!

(2) Bob's first wish, about turning the boss into a penguin, had worked out nicely, but he regretted his careless terminology for the second one.

adr

[Green Meat]

Erm, would I have to get my coat if I concocted a sentence including the words 'probed' and 'behind'? Thought so, so I'll content myself with the following:

Boeing had yet to iron out the inherent c of g problem. A spokesman gave the following quote:
"Those designers are a bunch of tit$!":ooh:

Boom boom.

Hmm. Where did I put the cloakroom ticket?

Edited for too much alcohol-induced grammar...

[Spotting Bad Guys]

The Hooters Girls decided to take the 'sitting on the washing machine' experiment that one step too far!


Sorry..couldn't resist....


SBG:rolleyes:

[Kolibear]

"B*ll*cks", said the penguin, "I wished for Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, not Snow White & the Seven Dwrafs"

[airborne_artist]

http://galerie.le-refuge.net/albums/userpics/10017/normal_160_fuel_probe_a.jpg

Trinny and Susannah's makeover of the Greenham Wimmin was judged to be a complete success.

[brakedwell]

Marry me, then we can tie the knot and fly away together, my love!

[Flip Flop Flyer]

'And if you look over your right shoulder, ladies, our Commanding Officer Billy-Bob Pongo is about to board the aircraft cleverly disguised in the latest Arctic Anti Al-Qaeda Utilities'

[airborne_artist]

Geoff Hoon's latest morale booster, the Airportable Pole-Dancing display team, caused a surprise for the indigenous population of the Falkland Islands

[FatBaldChief]

There is a joke around here somewhere including the words 'length a first black time not sat the on have they' but I am far too PC to remember it.

FatBaldandchildofthePCnannystate :8

[FatBaldChief]

How about

'Captain, Front Stbd optical sensor shows 14 wobbly pink targets'

Melt my belly down and make 20 'Hooters' :8

[Trumpet_trousers]

....you must've misheard me, before Blondie here at the back said: "Ooh, just like us girls then!" ..I said Rockhopper....;)

[ZH875]

No, No, No, I said 'Try that for size', NOT 'Dry that with Thighs'

[adr]

Harking back, for a moment, to the first round: shamelessly building on aa's concept and TA's winning entry, I messed around with Paint last night: http://tinypic.com/pvbih

Back to the current round:

http://galerie.le-refuge.net/albums/userpics/10017/normal_160_fuel_probe_a.jpg
Six of the girls were delighted, but Mandy was annoyed and she didn\'t care who knew it. She\'d been promised a ride on the biggest chopper she\'d ever seen, and this wasn\'t she\'d had in mind.

adr

[An Teallach]

Despite the MOD's success in dealing with the BSE outbreak, the Department of Health felt inclined to decline the RAF's offer of a Mobile Rapid Mass Cervical Screening Unit to counter the increasing incidence of Chlamydia.

[Talking Radalt]

OK it's been up for a couple of days and since An Teallach has resorted to Viz for suggestions, the results are now in....
I always knew the photo would provoke a whole host of "Hooters girls being probed" responses, but the one I liked most, with it's reference to the mysterious presence of the penguin with some very subtle yet implied lewdness at the same time is..........









"Bob's first wish, about turning the boss into a penguin, had worked out nicely, but he regretted his careless terminology for the second one."

Step forward, ADR. You've won a PPRuNE pencil.

:ok:

[Thud_and_Blunder]

Damn, too late to add my " failed OCU ideas for keeping Blogg's eyes outside the cockpit" line...

... so what was going on? What is a Hooter? And please, someone clear up what the Penguin is doing there. Surely the night vision kit on the MH47E has got beyond Gentoo by now?

[Talking Radalt]

What is a Hooter?

Go HERE (http://www.hooters.com/) for a lesson. ;)

Cheap beer, nice food, pleasant surroudings, unintrusive music in the background, convenient locations in all major US cities (and Nottingham in the UK :ok: )....think that's about it for appeal really. :E

[adr]

Woo-hoo! I won! Marvellous. Thank you! Will my pencil be with me in 28 working days? :O

I've stuck a captioned version of the photo online here (http://tinypic.com/pyqvr).

I suppose it's up to me, then, to provide a picture for the next round. Not easy on the eye like the last one, sadly, but this picture is begging for a caption:

http://studweb.stud.uni-stuttgart.de/studweb/users/lrt/lrt28592/le_bourget/Eurofighter%20-%20Typhoon%20Standfhrung.jpg

Let the entries roll in!

adr

[timzsta]

Bloke on right is thinking "why does the test pilot always stand there with the end of the 500gal drop tank up his ar*e".

Going back to the original picture the guy is saying "once you end up working for a proper airline some bod from the handling agent comes and plugs this in".

For the chinook one i think the penguin is saying "dont know why you are all staring at them when there is a naked one just inside the doorway....."

[The Nr Fairy]

Oh no - he's told them it has a gun !

[Green Meat]

"...and this is Airfix's latest large scale kit..."

[lasernigel]

Do you think they'll notice it was me that just farted?

[Milt]

"Next time I'll wear MY orange flying suit"

[Green Meat]

From Gordon Brown leaning against the wing...
"Och no! They'll only want more of the darn things now he's told them it works. How am I going to pay for my pre-election budget bribes now?"

(alternative ending - "how am I going to pay for my op to make me in to one of the Hooters girls now?!")

[FatBaldChief]

'We haven't put the decals on yet because we can't find a saucer of water big enough to slide them off the backing paper' :8

[ShyTorque]

"Alan Titchmarsh was today horrified to see his latest makeover project, a patio garden, completely flattened by the careless positioning of a British Aerospace jet".

[buoy15]

The Dolly at the front seems to be doing more moaning than smiling:)

I've never done lateral pole dancing before.

Damn, where did I put all those dollar bills?

****e, what times shift change?

[Talking Radalt]

"It's way too expensive, five year's overdue and it's crap anyway" said Johhny Testpilot, and with that the British Aerospace salesman knew his Jedi mind trick just didn't work.

[ShyTorque]

(Re CH-47 / Hooters picture)

"OK girls, now see if you can get the one on the left to grow that big"

[BEagle]

http://www.originalhooters.com/ is a more authentic, less nanny-state site which perhaps gives a better idea about what Hooters is all about......

:E

[adr]

More than 24 hours have passed since the last entry for round 3, so it seems like a good time to announce a winner. There's also the fact that I'll be a long way from my lovely broadband connection for the next ten days.

I enjoyed all the entries, and I got a wry smile from some very clever barbs directed at sundry targets. ;)

But in the end, there has to be one winner, and it was the one that made me laugh out loud with its comic reading of the picture, namely that the suited man is envying the attention his growbag-wearing mate is getting:

http://studweb.stud.uni-stuttgart.de/studweb/users/lrt/lrt28592/le_bourget/Eurofighter%20-%20Typhoon%20Standfhrung.jpg
"Next time I'll wear MY orange flying suit"

Well done, Milt, you're a winner!

adr

[foldingwings]

OK, Talking Rad Alt,

nice food

By that you mean not totally cr@p food, I guess! Hooters is not renowned in my grouping for its "nice food". Now its nice beer and nice women are a different story and anything that soaks up the yellow foaming whilst you stand/sit and engage the Hooters Girls will, by necessity, have to do!

[Talking Radalt]

It's called being subtle and tongue-in-cheek.
I thought it sounded better and marginally more intellectual than "Young girls with big tits serving beer!" :hmm:

[BEagle]

Sadly, since the advent of nanny state political correctness, that delightful description of Hooters' serving staff is no longer universally accurate.....

It certainly was once though.... :E

[foldingwings]

"Young girls with big tits serving beer!"

Does it for me!!!

[bluetail]

I bl**dy knew that Nimrod would steal my thunder...........

check out the background, is it or is not the might hunter strutting its stuff !!!!

[BEagle]

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN No - it isn't that old Comet full of teenage NCOs boring for NATO at an air display!




















Only kidding! :E

[adr]

Nearly a fortnight's elapsed since the last round's winner was announced. Milt's neither acknowledged his victory, nor provided a picture for the next round.

I'm minded to announce a substitute winner. Please object now if you consider that unfair.

adr

[Milt]

adr

Apologies for not surfacing for a while. When one goes interstate Down Under you go a long way.

Thanks for the honour bestowed.

If a new photo appears before I can get mine up then it can come later.

I need a bit of prompting please on how to post a photo.

Hey Merry Xmas all.

Milt

[airborne_artist]

Milt - mail it to me and my nimble digits will do the rest - just keep posting your tales on AH&N!

[adr]

I need a bit of prompting please on how to post a photo.
Hi Milt, and welcome back. Good to know you've not disappeared.

If the photo already exists somewhere on the web, put in into your post by pressing the IMG button on the page where you compose your message. A box will pop up: type or paste into it the full URL for the image. Press OK. Your message will now contain a line with IMG tags before and after the image location. You can also add the IMG tags manually. Look here (http://www.pprune.org/forums/misc.php?s=&action=bbcode) (scroll down to Adding images ) for more information.

If the image exists on a computer you have access to, but not on the Internet, you can upload it to your webspace if you have any, or to an image hosting service like photobucket (see Mike's post above) or tinypic.com (http://tinypic.com/). Then follow the instructions in the paragraph above once you know the URL where your photo now lives.

Have a Merry Christmas!

Oh, Christmas pressie time: a captioned photo inspired by Milt's winning entry is online here (http://tinypic.com/xu7ue).

adr

[airborne_artist]

As the most recent and worthy winner of this challenge, Milt has set this as your next topic:

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/041218.jpg

[Slow Roll]

-Adopting mad scientist voice-

"Where we're going, we don't need roads!"

or perhaps

"Ok Bloggs, a judicious use of full flap here can be used to bring the touch down point closer to the.... sh*t."

ok, last one...

"No one was more surprised than Nigel when the lightning bolt leapt from his fingers..."

[dazbo]

'SATCO could visualise using the CL3B lights as a pistol target range when they closed the airfield..............

....2 weeks after they were installed......'

[TD&H]

Airborne_artist and/or Milt

Once you've chosen a winner will you kindly give us the story to this photo. Looks expensive whatever happened.

[ACW599]

That's much better Bloggs but we still aren't quite getting the round-out right, are we?

John

[An Teallach]

Even the most skeptical aircrew wondered if it was indeed the Padre's 'Combat Benediction' that had allowed the stricken aircraft to take off just in time.

[Beeayeate]

"Yes, we've just bought this house and the garden's a mess but . . . My God, there's an airfield over there. . . ."

[adr]

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/041218.jpg
Mr Staish pointed out the tracks left by his caravan in Friday night's incident, and went on to tell our reporter what he plans to do to the culprits if he catches them.

adr

[FatBaldChief]

The Micro Exorcist was ready for the possessed head lice in Dickie Davies's fringe
:8

[BEagle]

"OK, you've made your point - you're well cammed up. But stand up and be recognised NOW before I blow your effing head off!"

[ShyTorque]

In an attempt to find the last resting place of "The Stig" and the rocket propelled Toyota Hilux, Top Gear presenter, Mr Jeremy Clarkson was today asked by the inquiry to point out in which direction he was last seen heading after lift-off.

[zedder]

Jethro had just finished pissing on a bush in the Culdrose undershoot "when this damn Nimrod almost took me head off". "It went that way" added Jethro.

Any similarities between this and real events in the late 80's is purely coincidental. Isn't that right Sir!!

[StbdD]

..... and this is where my depression begins.

[airborne_artist]

Milt did mention the delta-winged bomber and a secret BAe airbase ....

[airborne_artist]

"President Galtieri was today shown the spot where a British special forces patrol observed aircraft departures in the spring of 1982.

He is photographed demonstrating how the air base commander was rewarded after the conflict ...."

[Talking Radalt]

"They just turned up in this big green helicopter and one of them, aircrew I think, asked to borrow my Landrover for ten minutes, then they all drove off in that direction. That was three days ago now"

[Milt]

Congratulations to the Winner ACW599 for his reading of the clues so accurately and some added humour with the entry

"That's much better Bloggs but we aren't quite getting the round-out right are we?"

Your prize is the great satisfaction you feel as you choose the next challenge to the sharp minded competitors.

The story behind the scene follows:-

During 1956 the Vulcan B1 was to be refitted with uprated engines. The first refit was done at Avro's plant at Woodford near Manchester. Boscombe Down sent 2 TPs and an FTE to Woodford to test the new engines at high altitude. Bristol received the "Yeah of the Day" with the results describing the engines as a "Credit to the Manufacturers."

Returning to Woodford Sqn Ldr Bloggs, relatively new to having more than one throttle in his hand, was making a steep approach to clear the high railway viaduct just short of the Woodford runway. Being experienced on Vulcan and also a QFI, I had been prompted to keep him out of trouble.

By the time I had realised that a necessary exaggerated flair was not forthcoming I made a desperate grab for the stick reefing it back to cause the nose to start coming up but just micro-seconds too late to prevent the collection of a few branches off the top of the bush in the photo as the trailing truck of the right main gear rolled up and over the lip of the bank of the stream.

It was still a heavy jarring landing closely followed by thumps as we then rode up over the lip of the runway accompanied by cries of consternation from the FTE.

An inch lower and we would have cartwheeled after leaving the right gear in the ditch.

An error in judgement such as this by a TP is rarely forgiven. It only took a 2/3 days for Bloggs to disappear from BD.

[Gainesy]

A good story, as usual Milt.

Earlier Bluewings asked:
is it or is not the might hunter strutting its stuff !!!!

Nope, its a Fouga Magister on a long stick outside the museum entrance at Le Bourget.

(Doffs anorak, heads off to pub).

[ACW599]

>Congratulations to the Winner ACW599 for his reading of the clues so accurately and some added humour with the entry: "That's much better Bloggs but we aren't quite getting the round-out right are we?"<

I'm amazed. I thought all the entries were better than mine, especially the one about The Stig.

>Your prize is the great satisfaction you feel as you choose the next challenge to the sharp minded competitors.<

Captions may be from the point of view of the tractor driver, the Lightning pilot or the photographer. Commendations will be awarded in each category.

John
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v327/gw4frx/Lightning.jpg

[Milt]

"Damn - I just mowed that bit!"

[jwcook]

Nigel the tug operator hadn't been aware of just how fast he was going till he turned the corner.

[propulike]

'Mr Bond has left it too late to get into the aircraft this time' thought the only medic left in the RAF from the wheel of his latest ambulance.

[snafu]

That's gonna sting!

[adr]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v327/gw4frx/Lightning.jpg
The rivalry in the "Straightest Furrow" event was intense, and competitors sometimes attempted to break their rivals' concentration. This run in the 1968 competition was hampered by a distraction considered unsporting by many of those present.

adr

[Milt]

"Now there's a problem. I don't have a tow bar for that one!"

or by the pilot

"If I can land near the tractor I might be able to get a ride home."

[You want it when?]

Mechanised farming took a big leap forward in 1968 when the Government agreed to form a new strike force using G expended Lightning

[airborne_artist]

"It's going to take me at least ten minutes to get home and find my Home Guard uniform - thank God I've still got a serviceable pitchfork" thought Bert.

[Gainesy]

Driver: "Tch, some people will do anything for a free tie and lunch at Farnborough".

[ShyTorque]

An early prototype of the "ejectable aircraft battery" in the final stages of testing. It was later offered to the USA military for the AV8B.

Or,

"Right! That'll teach him and his bloody cockerel!"

[antipodean alligator]

Farmer Pickles: " That's a rummun....I wonder if the EU will pay me a subsidy for this here field now?"

Imagine if he'd put in a low flying complaint......How many weeks/months would the RAF Coppers have taken to track down the offending pilot?;)

[S76Heavy]

Having just invented the world's first magnet to attract aluminium alloys, the inventor was shocked to see that
a: it proved very effective and
b: its current hiding place was quickly located by the authorities

[ZH875]

Fred was bemused, after being told to plough in good weather, here he was, about to suffer a lightning strike, and hardly a rain cloud in sight

[Trumpet_trousers]

Pilot: "Oh f*ck, I guess that's not the seat adjust lever then!"

[John Farley]

Photographer:

“When I say cheese please don’t turn your back on me like that………….oh ****”

[Milt]

Photographer

"You know - this will highlight the rapidly narrowing gap between the old and the new technologies."

[Trumpet_trousers]

Tractor driver: "Now that is a very radical way to turn swords into ploughshares!" :ok:

[16 blades]

"Flying Complaints, Farmer Palmer?? Complain about THIS then, you whining old B@st@rd!!!!"

[An Teallach]

With apologies to the Bard:

From a Fieldmouse

Muckle sleekit, tumblin', plummetin' beastie,
Oh what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou needs tae start awa sae hasty,
Wi bickering brattle!
Thon bird be keen tae rin and chase thee,
Wi' murderin' pattle!


Doggerel aside, the Bard's original last 2 verses of "To a Mouse" (an ode to a mouse from a plougman who has just disturbed it's nest) could have been written for this picture:

But Mousie, art thou no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley.
An leave us nought but grief an' pain,
for promis'd joy!

Still thou art blest, compar'd wi' me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e'e,
On prospects drear!
An' forward tho I canna see,
I guess an' fear!

[ImageGear]

I've heard of "Dropping in from behind" but this is taking the pi$$

Imagegear

[+SHRA]

In the annual Hare and Tortoise race a clear winner was declared! "I knew he'd run out of puff declared farmer Giles"

[Photo]

Photographer

In the future everyone will think it is a fake.

[ACW599]

Keep 'em coming, ladies and gents. Unless there are any objections, I propose a deadline of 1900 on 30 Dec 04, with an awards ceremony to follow shortly thereafter.

John

[SmilingKnifed]

If Ray was going, then he was feckin' well taking Dublin with him!






With apologies to a well known Lightning/VC10/QFI bloke :E

[ACW599]

And now -- the moment you've all been waiting for!

(FX: fanfare by the Blues & Royals)

What a stunning set of entries! In the Highly Commended section, the category winners are as follows.

Mr John Farley with:

“When I say cheese please don’t turn your back on me like that………….oh sh*t”.

Mr Trumpet_Trousers with:

"Oh f*ck, I guess that's not the seat adjust lever then!".

And Mr JWCook with:

Nigel the tug operator hadn't been aware of just how fast he was going till he turned the corner.

But the champion of champions, tonights' winner, is:

(FX: drum roll, fanfare, 21-gun salute, etc)

Mr ADR with:

The rivalry in the "Straightest Furrow" event was intense, and competitors sometimes attempted to break their rivals' concentration. This run in the 1968 competition was hampered by a distraction considered unsporting by many of those present.

Quite the most superb caption I've ever seen. Even Mrs '599 thought it was hilarious.

And now -- it's over to ADR for the next instalment . . .

John

(PS: the photo was perfectly real and not concocted in any way. It shows George Aird ejecting from XG332 on 13 September 1962, having had a reheat fire. He departed from the aircraft at about 100ft on finals to Hatfield and broke both legs and his right thigh but made a full recovery).

[adr]

I won that round? :}

Quite the most superb caption I've ever seen. Even Mrs '599 thought it was hilarious.

:O Thank you! You and Mrs '599 clearly have a first-rate sense of humour. I'm moved and delighted to find myself a winner, and -- oh, I see people are looking at their watches! A captioned version of the photo is online here (http://tinypic.com/14twxx), for further enjoyment and sharing.

Here's the next round. Let your imaginations loose on this one!

http://tinypic.com/14tuuh

adr

[Mr C Hinecap]

"This stealth technology is good" thought Brian. "Not one person has noticed I have an umbrella up and it's not even raining!"

[Magoodotcom]

"Clearly underwhelmed by the lack of foreign participation in the 2006 RIAT, Mr Smith and family from Cornwall decided to add a bit of exotic Americana to the airshow themselves!"

[snafu]

Err...Farnborough Tower....just confirm the runway for the flypast?

[ACW599]

Newly formed 633 Squadron was clearly experiencing large-scale serviceability problems with its new stealth aircraft. Nevertheless, they managed a spectacular flypast at the Shrewsbury Flower Show, to the delight of the enormous audience.

John

[Milt]

"They are flogging these off at the RAF's disposal sale and sometimes they throw in a drum for good measure"

[Trumpet_trousers]

Judging by the stares received during the trial run, the Stealth Cloaking Device still had a lot of development work to be done

[Now a 'J' Bloke!!]

Slightly below glideslope...on glidepath!!!:O

Regards & Happy New Year;

'J' Bloke:cool:

[airborne_artist]

The introduction of the new inflatable Stealth bomber was a complete success until it was first deployed on operations. It was then found that even a small fragment of AA fire could ruin the approach as the aircraft let out a loud farting noise, became uncontrollable, and left the enemy helpless with laughter.

[John Farley]

Care in the Community - another Government success story

[ShyTorque]

He should have gone to SpecSavers.....

[Milt]

Guess multiple entries are permitted.

How about these

"Look what I just found in the belfry of that church down the street. Now I don't know what to do with it."

OR

"This model is short on longitudinal stability. That's why I had to drum up the long haired assistant contributing auto stab."

[Stitchbitch]

Def Minister: Unfortunately the prohibitive cost of the stealth UACV has left us with little funds for a launch platform, however, Jones from the budget office can run quite quickly...

[Milt]

And then

"John Farley promised to meet me here . He is going to fly it for me and Chuck Yaeger wants to watch."

[Beeayeate]

"What aircraft?"

;) :rolleyes:

[adr]

Excellent entries, once again!

Unless anyone objects, I plan to judge the entries and announce the winner at about 2230Z on Wednesday. This'll give time for any further entries from people whose only net access is at work.

adr

[Slow Roll]

Efforts to recreate the infamous "Cranwell Flypast" stumbled when only one cadet turned up for parade and all bar one of the band called in sick...

[Talking Radalt]

"After the latest round of defence cuts, even this year's MOD contribution to the Lord Mayor's Show was looking decidedly weak."

OR.....

No one could understand the presence of Zorro and an inflatable F117 until the e-mail was re-read......"Town show next week, Rapier demonstration confirmed along with some kind of stealth aircraft....you know...the type that can lie low when required".

[ACW599]

"Pushchair, Lead -- break left, go"

John

[Milt]

We need some humour in the light of world events.

So a few more

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

"Bloggs on a downtown recce flight."

"Pilot Officer Prune gets some extra F-117 taxying practice."

"What are YOU wearing to the ball?"

[Darth Nigel]

The first deployment of the B-2 in a SAR role was not as successful as we might have hoped.

"OK, Bloggs, when I yell 'zero feet', run like h3ll. Next trip, we'll have a winchman so stop complaining!"

[Danza]

Frank’s advert for "Stealth fighters R us" wasn't going as well as he had hoped

[Green Meat]

The RAF's first foray into stealth technology, whilst not being a runaway success, was still declared operational before Typhoon.

or

"An MoD spokesman today denied rumours that the defence cuts were making it necessary to bring back the 1940s 'inflatable army' idea to fill gaps on QRA."

My vote is for airborne artist's entry, nearly wet mysef laughing!

[Go Smoke]

Though desperate to hit the target, the strafing run was aborted shortly after ingesting 7 meters of Christmas bunting, one racoon hat, two Mickey Mouse ballons and a Calloway golf umbrella!

or

USAF latest black project inflatable technology now meant that flight was approved in icing conditions.

[Kolibear]

B2, or not B2, that is the question

[Trumpet_trousers]

..."Would you mind holding this for a minute mate, whilst I tie my shoelace?" said the guy with the big drum.........
..."Sure," said I.........just wait 'til I catch up with the b*stard......everybody's staring at me......

[adr]

This one was even harder to decide than the last one that fell to my judgement. So many funny entries; some of them just plain funny, some of them making telling and subtle (and some not so subtle!) satirical points.

The winner, who enjoys the honour of victory and the duty of providing the pic for the next round (and judging it) is...


...



...




http://tinypic.com/14tuuh
___________________ What aircraft? ___________________

Congratulations, Beeayeate! A photo captioned with your winning entry is here (http://tinypic.com/16jj0l).

I'd love to have been able to see the reaction of the CCTV control room staff when that formation passed down the High Street.

adr

[Beeayeate]

Well, stapp me! :)

Cheers adr. You're obviously a bloke of outstanding judgement.

Chuffed to little NAAFI breaks am I.

First time I've won anything!

Now the hard part . . .

Identify, source and steal an appropriate pic. Will post one soon. Soon I tell you - settle down at the back there.

:ok:

[Milt]

adr

Now we need the true story behind the picture or did you create the whole thing yourself. The big puzzle is the apparent lack of attention by the locals.

[Beeayeate]

There should be some good ideas for this one. :rolleyes:

Can't think of anything for a prize, but if you win, you get to pick the next pic.

http://www.canberra.plus.com/pics/silverwing.jpg

[Dark Helmet]

<Crackle of radio> Golf Alpha Blah Blah. Departing 36.. Oh sorry 01...wait a sec 02... damn 03... no better make it 04.

OR

Rather than pay to have his sticky right brake fixed, Fred had found the ideal solution.

OR

You will notice Bloggs, that you appear to have calculated the wind drift incorrectly. This is Aintree not Elstree.

[c-bert]

8 hours bottle to brush.....

[airborne_artist]

The Clerk of the Course at Royal Ascot had to look for a new job after he misunderstood the instruction to provide a piper ahead of Her Majesty's coach procession.

[adr]

http://www.canberra.plus.com/pics/silverwing.jpg
Unintended consequences followed the Equal Opportunities Compliance Team's work on documentation relating to dispersal fields.

It took another year to reverse the policy of removing the word "straight" from every official document.

Now we need the true story behind the picture or did you create the whole thing yourself. The big puzzle is the apparent lack of attention by the locals.
Nope, it\'s not a Photoshop job, nor was it staged by me! :D

I understand that the inflatable is owned by a protest group that calls itself "The Gloucestershire Weapons Inspectors." The town in the picture is Stroud.

I have to applaud their determination and ingenuity in drawing attention to their point of view.

adr

[Green Meat]

The international lawnmower thief became ever more daring in his raids...

[antipodean alligator]

OK Bloggs, this is your last flex ride before your GF retest.....

You'll note that the runway here has been specially designed to cater for your patent inability to compensate for power via use of the rudder during takeoff!

:uhoh:

[Go Smoke]

Here we see phase one of the New Labour London orbital airfield.
The scheme is intended to supercede the failed 'park and ride' initiative.

[Kolibear]

Is it my imagination, or is there a guy level with the left wingtip, watering the hedge?

And no, thats not a caption

[Danza]

"Er, do we fly on the left or the right in this counrty? ...."

[ACW599]

Bloggs was a little surprised to encounter relativistic space-time curvature so soon after take-off. Adding the dilithium warp engines had clearly transformed the performance of his humble taildragger.

John

[Milt]

" Did you see where the rest of the field went ?"

[Mr C Hinecap]

The white line painters had been to the pub again.

[Beeayeate]

Efforts = good so far.

Looking for succinct and pithy. Keep it going troops. :ok:

Will close bidding on Sunday evening around 21:00ish to allow A N Other to get a new one in for next week. :cool:

[Milt]

"Would you check those GPS co-ordinates again."

[adr]

(1) "Stop whinging, pilot. You'll soon be asking us to believe that runways in your country are built like roads!"

(2) Another Thursday spent doing circuits.

adr

[ACW599]

Nice take-off, Bloggs, but why aren't you co-ordinating aileron and rudder for the initial turn? And don't forget -- for the nav bit, it's CDMVT.

John

[Milt]

"Didn't the tower tell us to do a left hand circuit ?"

[airborne_artist]

"But I thought you said IFR stood for I Fly on Racecourses?"

[Incipient Sinner]

"On glideslope, on glidepath... correcting nicely."

[dazbo]

Hey Carlos - is your bag leaking?!!

.....If that Beagle follows the line it will be as high as President Tony's opinion of himself......

[Milt]

"Now it's time to make up your mind. Jockey or Pilot ?"

[ShyTorque]

"Mr. Louis Braille today tried out his proposed blind flying navigation system. The experiment later failed when he dropped his white stick"

[Trumpet_trousers]

"I wouldn't be so smug about having cracked the take-off just yet, Bloggs...you've still got to clear the gap between the hedge and the powerline, and then get over the pylons in the distance!"

[cargosales]

Fred had always suspected that the budget for airfield maintenance was a tadge on the low side

[Slow Roll]

Early efforts to develop a constant QDM for runways close to the poles produced some interesting results

[An Teallach]

ATC were having difficulty convincing Plt Off Prune that the instruction "tear along dotted line" at the bottom of his newly acquired PPL was merely for detatching the change of address slip.

[SASless]

Lets see now...errrr...step on the dah....step on the dit?;)

Does that give you a hint how long I have been flying?
:{

[Incipient Sinner]

Go on, tell us who's won!!!

[Beeayeate]

OK, the time has come. . .

Good set of entries troops.

Some were a tad enigmatic for example c-bert's "8 hours bottle to brush". Got no idea what that means. :confused:

Hon Mention to Dark Helmet for <Crackle of radio> Golf Alpha Blah Blah. Departing 36.. Oh sorry 01...wait a sec 02... damn 03... no better make it 04.

Right, top three are . . .

3rd - cargosales
Fred had always suspected that the budget for airfield maintenance was a tadge on the low side

2nd - Mike Jenvey
"Er, so you mean that the magnetic variation should have been fixed not accumulative...??!

But the WINNER is . . . .

Milt, with. . .
"Didn't the tower tell us to do a left hand circuit?"

So Milt, accolades to you all round. You're in the chair at the bar later. Were all looking forward to your picture.

:ok: :ok:

For myself, my captions would have been:

"Being a QFI at this field is slowly driving me round the bend."
or
"The crosswind here is horrendous!"

Good game. Good game.

;) ;)

[c-bert]

It's a play on '8 hours bottle to throttle' - but for the line painter...

I'll get me coat. :(

[airborne_artist]

Your caption Captain, Milt, requests your entries for this:

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/Miltpic02.jpg

[Go Smoke]

After a heavy night on the sauce Jim finally 'broke the seal' in the 'drink a pint piss a quart competition' and thought it novel to return it from whence it came.

[Green Meat]

I told you that there was a British weapons incompatability with the new swing-role a/c. Where the hell are we going to stick these 27mm rounds now?

[Gainesy]

"Why don't we just use the Patelicopter?"

[airborne_artist]

"When I said that the pilot didn't have enough bottle I didn't mean it literally..."

"First attempts at AAR were sponsored by the brewers of Kingfisher beer."

[ACW599]

"I'm not sure we've got this right, chaps. Chiefy told me that SNEB stood for 'Snub-Nosed Empty Bottle' but these look full to me".

John

[Beeayeate]

I hate refueling at these Middle East airfields.


:cool:

[Go Smoke]

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/Miltpic02.jpg

Cpl Smith explains the finer tactical points of mess favourite '43 pin bowling' to the new intakes.


or


"so, the enemy infantry were over there to the West, I came in low from the South avoiding the AAA by the main bridge just there,.........damnit man haven't we got any salt or pepper shakers"

[ACW599]

"Ops have just been on the phone. They can't get a slot at Holbeach, and Donna Nook is weathered out. So it's going to have to be the Sainsbury's bottle bank or nothing."

[Slow Roll]

Stringent new drinking laws spelt an end for the "pie and a pint" in-flight favourite ;)

[Lee Jung]

During OCU this particular intake was so weak a practical demonstration of 'Ten Green Bottles' song was required.

[Lionel Lion]

The truckies decided they had a way of avoiding the 2 can rule in Basra

[Green Meat]

The guys were worried. Had they smuggled enough Brylcreem in to last until the Hastings arrived?

[Dark Helmet]

<Man in the middle explaining to the man on the right>
After you have been here for as long as we have and you have consumed this much beer then even baggage pods look sexy....Cpl Scratcher here is demonstrating the approved position.

[BikerMark]

"It's your car, you suck on the siphon tube..."

"As you can see, the pee tube & drop tank combination provides an inexhaustible supply of Watneys Pale Ale for the NAAFI"

[SASless]

Blimey!I been telling you that I thought the Engineers were sneaking a drink!

[Counterfeit_God]

MOD cutbacks meant that the airforce wass going to have to make do with much lower tech bombs.

[Go Smoke]

"Err...Sarge, when the wingco said 'make sure the enemy get bombed' I don't think he had this in mind"

[HercFairy]

The CDT team made sure their detachment kit was ready to go,although they thought the new size bottles may cause concern!

[antipodean alligator]

77 SQN Gunnies load the worlds first CBU, the Carlton Breweries Unit, during the Korean War !

[Krystal n chips]

Slowly and calmly Jim tried to explain to the confused and educationally challenged pilot that " No sir, I know they both start with a B and an O but what you drop are called B O M B S ------ these are called B O T T L E S "

[ACW599]

The BBMF were delighted with their new acquisition. But some of its systems were a source of considerable puzzlement to SENGO and his men.

John

[Milt]

Beeayeate - Over there, brhind that tree.

What is the story behind your entry?

I'm having a competition on the side for identification of the aircraft type - that is the one thinking it only had one horse power.

Please anyone.

[Beeayeate]

Milt

Sorry, no idea of any story behind the pic I used, it was sent to me yonks ago under the guise of "You may find this amusing." Maybe the location could be the subject of an on-going competition? :rolleyes:

[S76Heavy]

The RAF trying to avoid downsizing went to great lenghts to prove that these machines did in fact, lay eggs which, if they hatched after 3 weeks, would produce new little aircraft at absolutely no extra cost to the taxpayer. Unfortunately, the night shift drank the lot which halted the project.

[adr]

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/Miltpic02.jpg
'So I said, "They're pint bottles: they are the same measure you get over the counter, and they are in a pod, so as far as I'm concerned, chum, we fitted exactly what you asked for. "'
'That's tellin' 'im!"
'Yeah. Anyway, when I asked him how he ever expected them to keep missiles away, he went purple in the face, and he said..."

adr

[Lafyar Cokov]

(..5 seconds before the pic was taken...)

Right who's for another beer... blimey - he's coming over a bit low!!!

[Milt]

Caption competition now on a short fuse to judgement and to be made before the beer runs out!

Last entries accepted before an impending mid-night GMT.

[antipodean alligator]

2 Cans per man per day perhaps!.....If you bother listening to the Admin Wallah

[delta96]

When P/O Peasemould wrote in the log the presence of "An odd whine on the port side", little did he know how close he was to the truth. However, his groundcrew were more concerned about the port on the starboard side.

[ACW599]

"This sure as hell doesn't look like chaff to me, and that BOZ pod looks wrong as well".

John

[SVK]

Bloggs! I won't tell you again! NO smoking 12hrs before flight and NO drink within 25m of the aircraft!

[Milt]

Caption Judging.

Wow - 28 entrants with 34 captions and about 15,000 contemplations.

antipodean alligator was closest to the truth with

77 SQN Gunnies load the worlds first CBU, the Carlton Breweries Unit, during the Korean War !

Excellent entries ALL - showing that humour is alive and well with aviators.

Go Smoke is declared the winner with his entry

"Err...Sarge, when the wingco said 'make sure the enemy get bombed' I don't think he had this in mind"

Runners up were Mike Jenvey, Green Meat, ACW599, Beeayeate and SVK.

We now await, with eager expectation, for Go Smoke's contribution.

[Go Smoke]

Thanks Milt,

Finding something suitable and aviation related has been tricky but I hope the pic below leaves plenty of room for different interpretations.

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/simonwalker.jpg

Thanks to airborne_artist for hosting the image

[SVK]

Erm....yeah....It'll do a trip.

[Dusty_B]

look mate, if it hasn't got wings, an engine, tail rotor, suspension, instruments or a radio, what's left to go wrong?

[snafu]

Press Release: Budget cuts mean that Westlands' latest proposal for FRC has been downsized, but battle damage tolerance has been improved by eliminating such luxuries as engines, avionics and hydraulic systems. At £100,000 each, they're a bargain!

[Mr C Hinecap]

The OEU were a little disappointed with the weight reductions required for operational flight. However, as long as they could still get a set of golf clubs in the ammo bay they would give it a go.

[Milt]

"You promised me that you would mow the lawn. How do you do it with this?"

[ACW599]

Honest, Guv -- it came off in my hand.

John

[lasernigel]

OOOOOOOhhhhhhh go on it's my turn next.

[ACW599]

"Well, I've heard of flapback, but this is silly".

John

[lineslime]

Isn't this taking the lean process a bit too far?

[airborne_artist]

"We did without a main gearbox by fitting this chair castor. It must be excellent quality; we found the chair in the MoD and it cost £1000 new."

[Darth Nigel]

"Are you sure you saw this on 'Scrapheap Challenge'?"

--or--

"I envy you, mate. They'll name an award after you, mark my words. Now in you get, and I'll start towing you. Oh, and it's £10 cash-in-advance, OK?"

[Oggin Aviator]

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/simonwalker.jpg

Nah, it'll never fly - I can't see any Lift Pixies!

[Go Smoke]

Here's the image again at full size thanks to airborne_artist

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/simonwalker.jpg

[Darth Nigel]

"No need to feel stupid, these glow-plug engines can be a b@gger to start"

[Beeayeate]

"I've got ground power plugged in but nothing seems to be happening."

[Milt]

"Yeah - designed for stealth. It has the radar cross section of a nat's whisker."

[+SHRA]

"Well if it worked for the Glider Pilot Regiment, it will do just fine as the Lynx replacement!":ok:

[adr]

http://www.flynavy.flyer.co.uk/simonwalker.jpg
(1) "Ah, I see what's confusing you. It's not a Houchin cable, that's why it doesn't have a removable connector. You see, this motor's electric, and that's just the mains lead. Don't worry, it's a nice long extension. Hmm, there should be a wire to the tail rotor-- oh, bugger!"

(2) New, streamlined procurement procedures have now been introduced to give better value for money and free manufacturers from oppressive red tape and unecessary documentation.

(3) The MOD-approved "consortium of innovative engineering undertakings" turned out to be the contestants of Scrapheap Challenge.

adr

[ACW599]

"Darling, I've always gone along with your little fetishes before, and I really don't mind helmets too much. But do I really have to swing your rotor?"

John

[ACW599]

"Isn't this due a comp wash?"

John

[attackattackattack]

Bloggs had a sneaking suspicion that this was the EOL phase of his training.

"Mr Hoon assures me that this will make us a more effective armed force"

[airborne_artist]

"If you look closely you can even see Leonardo da Vinci's signature on the root of each blade."

[ACW599]

"Yes, it's had one careful lady owner and comes with a full service history. All the extras for that model year as well. I'm losing a fortune selling it to you at that price".

[Darth Nigel]

"Stop whinging! You're lucky to be in the UAS this year, you know"

[c-bert]

JSF Lite



Due to the heavy use of these forums we would prefer it if you are going to post something then please make sure it is worthwhile and at least 15 characters long.

[Kolibear]

Safe?? Whadyamean is it safe? Course its safe. I mean, dya I'd let you fly it if it wasn't safe?

[DW11]

We're hoping to install a winch position here, but other than that we reckon we've got this new Light SAR contract in the bag.



And if I may add a suggestion for the curved runway picture

Jack Nicklaus needed to iron out some nasty habits if he was ever going to make it as an airfield designer.

[BikerMark]

"Pay attention 007!"

[walter kennedy]

CAPTION COMPETITION

Him: "Ho! I gotta problem - you need to blow ..."
Her: "Say no mo' - I came prepared, big bro'!"

[ShyTorque]

Right! I'll hold your hand, now you spin the rotor and your bad tooth'll be pulled clean out! :}

[Milt]

"Did I tell you ? This one is for GreenPeace as soon as the signwriter finishes the tail. It's going to be Nuclear Horrors."