Caption competition

[Fly26]

"From the top Boris! We're all set, don't worry lad your flush the enemy out"....."okay boss, here it goes.....I know a song that will get on your nerves get on your nerves ..........."

[ShyTorque]

Hidden voices: "Oh, no he's going to sing another Des O'Connor number - WE SURRENDER!" :{

[ShyTorque]

"I thought you said he was Spetznaz- he sounds more like Spaznotes!"

[Kiltrash]

James May was exploring his musical tallent when 5 seconds later a Morris Marina extracted revenge and fell into frame

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Early picture of Elton John in the army looking for inspiration and came up with Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_Shoot_Me_I%27m_Only_the_Piano_Player) (1973

[SASless]

Nutty should have known Buster was up to something when he spoke of the captured 88.

[NutLoose]

"Hey SASless I thought you said you could only play the mini organ, that's a piano".....

"Who said I wasn't, I'm not touching the piano"


...

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Prior to weapons tests, the quickest (and cheapest way) way to clear the area was to get Boris to do his 'Richard Clayderman plays Justin Bieber' medley.

[brickhistory]

Bit late on the coda, Hoskinski?

[Dunky]

"Hmm, now how did that tune go again, 'Para para in the sky...'".

[CoffmanStarter]

http://img.izismile.com/img/img4/20110321/640/unexpectedly_humorous_military_640_13.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

As Private Ivor Pullabollockoff, of the Russian Army, prepares to play his rendition of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture ... he checks in with the local Artillery Battalion to ensure they come in on cue :cool:

Oh dear too early again ...

http://i799.photobucket.com/albums/yy280/oldupright/Funny%20Pics/Piano-Burning-Party.jpg

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

The Liberace Tribute Festival was simply packed


http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/06/12/russian-parliament-approves-anti-homosexuality-law-that-would-impose-fines-for-gay-pride-rallies-in-436-0-vote/

[Buster Hyman]

Elton decided that he'd had enough of people criticising his "silly" hats!

[cattletruck]

Just a minor issue with taking the new fully featured tuner controlled UAV to battle.

------

Private Hoskinski added his own interpretation to yet another unfinished symphony.

[NutLoose]

"Do you know there is incoming Comrade?"

"Niet... But if you whistle it, I'll try to play it"




...

[clicker]

Herman's missed finding the Wooden Horse back in WWII and he also missed the reunion.

[Buster Hyman]

Ivan...I think we could sell this to North Korea....

[brickhistory]

F-35E trials began today...

[Tashengurt]

Boris missed the point when they told him he was a proper James Blunt.


Posted from Pprune.org App for Android

[622]

It suddenly dawned on Ivan that he misread the memo for the mess summer ball stating "The piano may be burnt but the mess is not to be damaged"

[CoffmanStarter]

Good God Roger the goons have found Tom

[Steve the Pirate]

Judging will commence at 1600Z today with results to be announced 1100Z tomorrow (or thereabouts - depends on how the rugby's going!)

STP

[squeaker]

This Accompanied Posting isn't exactly what I thought it would be!

[clicker]

Tinkle, tinkle little star, Ivan wonders what you are.

[Howabout]

Liberace on national service to the rest of the boys: 'Does my bum look big in this?'

[5aday]

He should have gone to spec savers. I asked the storeman for an accordion.

[Steve the Pirate]

Some excellent entries one and all but there has to be a roll of honour and so without further ado:

In 3rd place is pohm1 with:

The new troop pianist, while still motivational, was less practical than a drummer.

In 2nd place is brickhistory with:

Now THAT's a Swiss Army knife...

This round's winner is jwcook

The allies Enigma machine was unbreakable but it was a little more bulky.

Over to you jw. :ok:

STP

[CoffmanStarter]

Many congrats JWC :D:D:D:D

[jwcook]

Thank you.. I went for quantity not quality so I'm surprised...

Try this one..

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/06/article-2243915-16617223000005DC-21_634x423.jpg

[brickhistory]

Sir, I see you've found the bridle there on your shoulder, and I found this whip out back, so she can't have gone far...

[jwcook]

So I thought it'll be a bit of a wheeze to prank call the hospital!.




PS - PMSL at brickhistorys entry ^..

[Buster Hyman]

A tunnel in Paris you say?... Interesting...

***


No, the Brown shirt's just a coincidence, I assure you.

[lomapaseo]

Guy in second row

The odds it's a boy are now at 4:1

guy next to him: blimey is it too late to get a bet in ?

[Runaway Gun]

"Ha - I got these Wings so I automatically qualify for the front row. Where are yours?"

[brickhistory]

What's that you say? He's got the rum, you've the lash...Oh bugger...

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, he's all flash with his red sash, but he's only just realised he's forgotten his gloves! *chortle, chortle*

[Steve the Pirate]

"...and then the Colonel said, "Oh dear, in that case you won't like Friday nights either!"

STP

[jwcook]

I think I just sat on my swagger stick!!

[622]

Sorry men, I shouldn't have had the extra sprouts at lunch

[NutLoose]

"So have we found out who knobbed the Indian housemaid yet Sir?"

******

"Yes, when Papa found out one of the Grandkids was part Indian they carted him off to Hospital, I haven't seen him that furious since the Slitty Eyes fiasco."

[CoffmanStarter]

With so many leeks we'll need a plumber :}

[CoffmanStarter]

Mum had her picture taken like this with a load of jocks in kilts ... :E

[Ascend Charlie]

(Far right, second row:)

"When I suggested that you have a piss in Chuck's pocket, that isn't really what I meant!"

[Dunky]

"Well done Colonel, you found my joke whoopee cushion".

[NutLoose]

"And who do you think you are? Harry friggin Potter with your little wand in your hand... what"

[NutLoose]

"Please your Highness, the chaps are restless as it is, please stop doing that"


"Baaaaaaa Baaaaa"

[PingDit]

"Oh!... I see!... You call it your 'explaining stick' do you? Well, at least you've rounded the end orf! hahahahaha, gafaw gafaw!"

[NutLoose]

"Yeas one does like to get into a bit orf brown once in a while, it's a family tradition"

[brickhistory]

Charles performs his annual drill with the little known Saxe-Coburg-Gotha Royal Pomeranians...

[Kiltrash]

Yes you are correct, at the Trooping of the Colour yesterday the men could not even form up in a straight line, Never happen here

[CoffmanStarter]

Errr ... sing song you say ... Errr splendid idea ... after three everyone ... 3

Eighteen Brown Jobs sitting on the wall ... if one Brown Job should accidentally fall ... there'll be ... Errr ... what comes next after eighteen :p

[CoffmanStarter]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/06/article-2243915-16617223000005DC-21_634x423.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

Soldier middle row 4th FTL ...

Go on Di ... pin that note on his back I dare you ... :)

[brickhistory]

I say, Hess, you are full of good ideas...

[Wander00]

You say if I had gone to the regimental tailor my uniform would be the correct "Guards" colour

[ShyTorque]

"I say, old chap, you're right! The major next to me really does have the furriest knees in the British Army!!"

[Buster Hyman]

Middle row, 4th FTL: "Bluddy tossers in the front row...I bet they still say Mummy!"

[brickhistory]

Airfix couldn't figure out why this set wasn't selling...

[SASless]

Laugh you louts....but if Mummy keeps on till she is a Hundred....I shall have five rows of ribbons!

[saudipc-9]

"Guys you should have seen the size of the poo I had this morning!"

[Buster Hyman]

"I say. Did you just poke me in the back with that stick of yours?"
"Err, no Sir. That would be Perkins behind you...he...umm...still gets excited when we have visitors Sir"

[jwcook]

"Oh!! so that's a turkey slap.."

"Yes sir, but its the stuffing you have to worry about!"

[Kiltrash]

Yes I know it is 'Mobiles Orf' but I left it on vibrate, that's all I have to look forward to in the excitement stakes these days

[Dan Gerous]

I'll tell you what mate, that Red Bull doesn't half perk you up, and yes it does give you wings.

[airborne_artist]

"Don't tell me you've got a Prince Albert as well? Fun aren't they?"

[ShyTorque]

" 'Ere, you're that bloke who murdered Sunita in Corrers by setting fire to the Rovers Return, aren't you, and you're in disguise, you absolute cad, you!" :mad:

"Damn you, your Royal Highness; foiled again" :(

[NutLoose]

"So I got my Butler to take my uniform in for pressing and dang me some blighter stole the pleats off my two top pockets"

***

"Ahh the Wings, they were presented to me by Tampax for pushing their products in a recorded phone call."


.

[CoffmanStarter]

"Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch" ... See they don't call me the Prince of Wales for noting ! Yes Sir ... they don't :E

[Tashengurt]

If a picture says a thousand words... That's 999 too many for what the second row are all thinking.


Posted from Pprune.org App for Android

[Exascot]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/06/article-2243915-16617223000005DC-21_634x423.jpg

'My dear chap, interesting that you should ask. I pull the left hand one for my valet, the right hand one is my USB Dongle'.

[Buster Hyman]

"But surely, your Highness, the photographer could use a Sepia filter for that authentic 'olde worlde' look"

[jwcook]

" Oh excuse one.. and The poor sod behind me got the worst of it..!!"

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

"..So there was ones youngest, stark bollock naked apart from his jodphurs raynd his ankles, fag in mayth spilling 'Bolly all over his copy of FHM.."

[Dunky]

"Your Dad was my Fag at school you know".

[cattletruck]

Commanders hate losing which is why the only game they play in this regiment is I spy with my little eye.

[NutLoose]

So there we were, we arrived early at the Herk in Kenya and being the Colonel in Chief of the other guards lot as well I thought I'd go out and bolster moral of the chaps, when next thing I know this MALM is standing on the ramp barking marching orders and had us marching up and down in the rain, luckily a Sergeant rescued me and I was able to rejoin Camilla.


See post 23

http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/516736-bit-laugh-2.html




..

[Dak Man]

"Yes I know, #2 son is a good soldier, takes after his old man, even looks like him....."

[CoffmanStarter]

"Klaatu barada nikto" ... I'm impressed Sir ... you speak RSM :E

[NutLoose]

"Why is it called a Sam Browne?, it's bloody black"

[jwcook]

Well its judging time, in 2 seconds, so last chance......... OK too late.

In third place Dak Man with "Yes I know, #2 son is a good soldier, takes after his old man, even looks like him....."

In second place Nutloose with ""So have we found out who knobbed the Indian housemaid yet Sir?""

In first place - Brickhistory really stole the show with "Sir, I see you've found the bridle there on your shoulder, and I found this whip out back, so she can't have gone far... "


Congrats Brickhistory over to you...

[brickhistory]

Thank you! Let's give this one a try:

http://blogs.voanews.com/photos/files/2012/07/ap_france_britain_09Jul12-975x602.jpg

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

" 'ave we met before, Colonel?"

" Don't think so, Sir. I do believe my Great-Great-Grandfather bayonetted your Great-Great-Grandfather in the nuts at Waterloo"





.

[jwcook]

"Thank God that gold braided wing wearing jug eared tw@t has gone........... he's behind me isn't he!"

[Dunky]

"I have a Tea cosy just like that at home".

[Buster Hyman]

Rafa Benitez's Dyslexia finally caught up with him when he thought he'd signed up with the Reds...

[cattletruck]

"Hello sir, I'm here for the hair growth stimulation treatment."

[jwcook]

Frog PM - "Soldiers you say, very impressive! so forgive me asking ummm.. what do they do?"

or

Guardsman to FPM -"Well have you at Waterloo before you know it"

or

FPM to the Guardsman -"No need to apologise, It was an easy mistake to make, our French national anthem and beating the retreat do sound the similar, even we get them confused"

[jwcook]

"Permission to speak, Captain Mainwaring sir? They don't like it up 'em!"

[SteveCox]

RSM: "You 'orrible little man, straighten that tie, hide that cuff, pull up those trousers don't you know 'ow to dress yourself these days?".

or

Officer thinks: 'They don't make 'em like they used to, now that General De Gaulle, he knew how to dress himself, always immaculate he was'.

[Wander00]

Now, Napoleon, he was a little bloke, and look where he got you at Waterloo. Don't go round with your hand in your shirt feeling a right tit do you?

[clicker]

Sir, The only words I've heard from you is "wee, wee, wee". I'm sorry but you should have gone before the parade started and you will have to wait.

[CoffmanStarter]

You call me "le rosbif" once again and I'll show you what a frog shish kebab looks like :}

[CoffmanStarter]

http://blogs.voanews.com/photos/files/2012/07/ap_france_britain_09Jul12-975x602.jpg

[NutLoose]

"Thank you for your comments on my troops and may I take a moment to recommend my tailor to you, even he should be able to come up with something better than the sack of sh@te you're wearing Sir"


***

"One is sorry if my troops do not appear pleased to see you, but the only French they usually like involves 12 pints of lager and some slapper round the back of the local bop"


***


"He's a sergeant and if he doesn't want to wear gloves, whom am I to comment"

[SASless]

"From the array of dress, ranks and height....this is just an informal Parade eh, Mon Aimee? Or are these TA Guards?"

[Kiltrash]

Yes I know that the army are sharing exercises , the Air Force are fighting together in Afghanistan and even the Navy are going halfers on the Carriers, BUT no way are we having you horible little man sharing ceremonial duties with our beloved Maj

[brickhistory]

"That tune, sah? We call it The Frog March..."

[NutLoose]

"No Sir we are not your Guard of Honour, we are here to escort a load of illegal immigrants to your Aircraft, so you can take them back with you from whence they came"



..

[Neptunus Rex]

"Now then, mon brave, we shall have my orderly press your suit, polish your shoes and straighten your tie...

We shall then try it again - comprenez?"

[Dan Gerous]

You Breetish, always looking down on peepill.

[CoffmanStarter]

Listen my little froggy friend ... you lot may pi$$ down a hole on the street with alacrity in your Country ... but if you try it on my parade ground that'll be the last move you make ... do I make myself clear :E

[CoffmanStarter]

Entente cordiale ... Nah never touch foreign soft drinks myself :}

[NutLoose]

"Pawaaaaadeee cough cough... Oh excuse me, one has a frog in ones throat"

[NutLoose]

"Excuse me can one walk a bit quicker on ones inspection, half of the guys are being made redundant at 1pm"

[ShyTorque]

I don't care who you say you are- get off my parade ground you scruffy little man - the exit's that way!

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

As might be expected, the French General had, on sighting British troops, changed into civvies and claimed to know nothing about the sword and pistol found in the toilets.

"I am the innkeeper, Sir. You are most welcome in my country..some cognac? On the house, of course!"

[thing]

'I say fwog, does one get a better cup of tea with the incweased atmospheric pwessure at your altitude?'

or

'No I keep telling you I am nott bloodie Ronee Corbert, I am nott heez brother and I am nott heez love child you Engleesh twatt.'

[Buster Hyman]

"Oi! You're inspecting British Troops SAH! You may be used to looking at the backs of French troops, as that is the customary position that we see them too, but just turn your head to the right...there's a good lad!"

[500N]

Is this what Troops on parade with rifles looks like ?
When we do it, they are all carrying White flags.

[CoffmanStarter]

We can conduct this inspection at a snails pace if that would make you happier Mr President :}

[CoffmanStarter]

http://blogs.voanews.com/photos/files/2012/07/ap_france_britain_09Jul12-975x602.jpg

[Kiltrash]

Sorry, you were expecting the G8 were you? Dave descided not to tell you the location as a sign of our trust in you

[Buster Hyman]

No Sah, none of us go to Advanced Hair, Ashley & Martin, or any other hair growth centre. Why do you ask?

[NutLoose]

"Oui, i'll take 200, now Dave says you have some tanks for sale as well?"




..

[pohm1]

"and you say these are all that's required to defend Paris?"

P1

[622]

No Sir, you don't have to surrender ...we are on your side.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"So, as part of the 200th Anniversary of Waterloo celebrations, you will be occupying Paris again?"

"Think yourself lucky, Kermit. We're burning down Washington DC again in 2014"

[SASless]

Could you move that up a bit there, Fox?

Like this afternoon about Four PM!

[Lafyar Cokov]

What - this isn't what you were expecting?? - well, Sonny Pierre, when my lot were told they were going to see Holland they were imagining a weekend in the red light district!

[CoffmanStarter]

Don't worry Sir ... Last week Angela Merkel insisted on inspecting my troops standing up in the back of a Mercedes 770 ... and the week before the President of Italy, Giorgio Napolitano, insisted on walking backwards while eating an ice cream ... so feel free to get your bike, string of onions and beret out ... but try and kiss me on both cheeks and I'll make this sword disappear so fast you're eyes will water.

[Wander00]

This one seems to have struck a chord - a comment, not a caption.

[Buster Hyman]

"On yer bike Pierre!"

***

"Oh its a stupid hat is it? And this from the country that gave us the Beret...jog on!"

[CoffmanStarter]

Ce qui est CESM ? ... No I'm sorry Sir I haven't a clue what it stands for :E

[Steve the Pirate]

I was expecting 'orses. Where are ve 'orses? You know how we Fwench are vewy fond of ve 'orses.

STP

[CoffmanStarter]

'Allo 'Allo! ... "Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once." :}

[brickhistory]

Judging around 2300-ishZ today so that we can have a new one for the weekend.

[CoffmanStarter]

Hop off mate ... someone important is coming :}

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Would Monsieur Le President care to inspect the Mounted Guard also?"

"Merci Colonel, but I must run"

"Well, you're the experts there..."


.

[NutLoose]

"The boys would like to know if a nude picture of your wife has been released on the eve of your visit, like your predecessors."


..

[Rather be Gardening]

Thinks: "Small, ugly, bandy-legged, smells of garlic.... I'm surprised Carla didn't snaffle him up to match the one she's already got."

[CoffmanStarter]

Mes écrous sont lâches

Think thats right

[NutLoose]

"Lunch is served Sir, and we're having Camel" :E



Google it :p

[brickhistory]

Time, folks while I have the time and memory to do this. There was a definite theme with this one, but the old ones are usually the best ones...

Third Place - 622 with No Sir, you don't have to surrender ...we are on your side.

Second Place (tie) - Fox3WheresMyBanana - As might be expected, the French General had, on sighting British troops, changed into civvies and claimed to know nothing about the sword and pistol found in the toilets.

"I am the innkeeper, Sir. You are most welcome in my country..some cognac?On the house, of course!"



and Buster Hyman - "Oi! You're inspecting British Troops SAH! You may be used to looking at the backs of French troops, as that is the customary position that we see them too, but just turn your head to the right...there's a good lad!"

First Place - jw cook's Frog PM - "Soldiers you say, very impressive! so forgive measking ummm.. what do they do?"


Over to jw cook. In the event he fails to post within 24 hours, I suggest that the first of either of the 2d placers take over. ( I just realized that I won from jw cook, so sorry for the conflict of interest, but I thought his pithy.)

[jwcook]

Wow I'm humbled....

OK try this one, hope its original for the thread.


http://www.strangefarmer.com/images/content/131476.jpg

[clicker]

B company say that they got 100lbs on before theirs bucked.

[jwcook]

Its Horse code Perkins! not Morse code!

[jwcook]

Findus test their new portable processing plant.

[jwcook]

Its good news and bad news sir!, the radio can't be fixed, however we now have access to 300lbs of mince.

[SASless]

The Nag was the smartest critter in the patch!

[brickhistory]

The pitch to the studio was "It's the Bionic Man meets Mr. Ed..."

[Buster Hyman]

Whilst it looks impressive Bloggs, I think we have vehicles more powerful than 1hp now.

***

"Morse code?"
"No Sir, Ass Mode"

***

All was going well until Bloggs decided to ground what he thought was the Earth cable....

[CoffmanStarter]

Broadsword Calling Danny Boy ... Broadsword Calling Danny Boy ... Over


Had to be done Buster old chap :ok:

[CoffmanStarter]

Miffed at the RAF Aerial Drone Programme ... the British Army begin their own trials :suspect:

[CoffmanStarter]

Quick the Gold Cup is about to start and Her Majesty expects to win at Royal Ascot this year :)

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Mobile phones cause brain damage - new early evidence emerges

"Orite blud, is my new mobi init - well safe"

"Respect, bruvv!"

[Kiltrash]

All very impressive Perkins, now all you have to do is improve the battery life
Yes sir but have you seen where the boffins put the battery pack:hmm:

[ACW599]

"I must say it seems a bit big for a portable Link 16 terminal".

or:

"No, I think Approach was on Stud 4. It's DATIS on Stud 3".

[ilvaporista]

But sir, the label clearly said Tesco Microwave Oven Ready Lasagne

[Dunky]

Early examples of Bowman proved rather bulky in nature.

[pohm1]

"I said you'll have to speak up sir, you're coming through a little hoarse."

P1

[Lafyar Cokov]

Well Sir, in the Op Order you did ask for a stable communications platform.......

[Lafyar Cokov]

No, I'm afraid the standby isn't working - you'll have to use the mane radio.....

[Buster Hyman]

"What sort of reception do you get Bloggs?"
"Well, generally very good Sir, right up until she has a dump on the HQ carpet Sir."

***

Camilla calling Danny Boy...Camilla calling Danny Boy...

***

"What do you mean it's stopped working?"
"I think she's knackered Sir"

[NutLoose]

http://www.strangefarmer.com/images/content/131476.jpg

"Mobile SLA catering division how may we help you? Yes, we can toast, microwave and boil water on our mobile unit"

****

Google test their first driverless vehicle

****

Kneel before The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse


..

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"OK Sarge, that's the radio up and working; now, where's our rations? They said we'd be getting lasagne....."

[NutLoose]

"What does it say Private?"
"Boom bump bump... boom bump bump.. boom bump bump.. Sarge, almost a regular pulse"

[NutLoose]

Google Street View starts recording the neighbourhood

[NutLoose]

The Irish Radio Communications Division out on manouvers, original plans to install the radio equipment into a small van had to be abandoned when they realised they couldn't get the horse in.

[Wander00]

You have heard of K9 Sir. This is Mule9

[pohm1]

"Sarge reckons that the way things are going, it'll be pocket sized by Christmas."

P1

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"No batteries Sir - powered entirely by methane, hence Dobbin here and all the clover. And Snodgrass"

"I can't see Snodgrass"

"We try to keep him at least 40 yards downwind, Sir. Just follow the rubber hose."

.

[Buster Hyman]

"Sorry Sir, it's all garbled. I think it got damaged in that last battle."

"Right o Bloggs, lets not let our tech fall into enemy hands...shoot her!"

[CoffmanStarter]

Well you've seen War Horse on the London Stage ... now we have Robo Horse :ugh:

[CoffmanStarter]

Yep Sarge I'm sure ... number 14 Acacia Avenue doesn't have a TV Licence :=

[Dan Gerous]

We've networked the printer to the equipment Sir, and HQ seem to be talking ****.

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

"Sergeant, if you stick the "cats whisker" up the horses arse you will get a better reception"

[CoffmanStarter]

A photograph showing "No 12 Forward Air Controllers Course" before their graduation

[ACW599]

>We've networked the printer to the equipment Sir, and HQ seem to be talking ****.<

Splash one keyboard :D

[NutLoose]

The Battery Accumulator Squadron out on exercise, this small unit made its name in the famous Charging of the Light Brigade.




..

[pohm1]

"No private, when they say 'Unit redundant from Monday' they're not talking about the radio."

P1

[gr4techie]

http://www.strangefarmer.com/images/content/131476.jpg

The Royal Corps of Signals on parade... all 5 of them, after the SDSR cutbacks.

[Buster Hyman]

"Right...it's coming through...he's thinking that he'd rather like an apple...and would appreciate very muchly, if we'd take this awfully uncomfortable saddle off of him"

***

Mr Ed. regretted his last, and final, smart arsed comment to Wilbur.

[NutLoose]

"So let me get this straight son, this apparatus lets you know how far the enemy bombers are from us..... But how do we know the direction?"

"The horse looks at them Sarge"

[brickhistory]

It was then that Hoskins dreamed of being a mobile DJ after the war...

[CoffmanStarter]

Is it surprising that I've got a long face when they write the Net Working Frequency of 1549 Khz on my neck :(

[brokenlink]

Sarge, just realised why its only developing 1HP, plug leads are crossed!

[Runaway Gun]

"This Global Positioning Satellite needs to be up a tad higher I think!"

[NutLoose]

"You dyslexic prat, resend the message to my wife..... unable to be with you this weekend as I've gone up country with some H..o..r..s..e NOT and I repeat NOT Whores as in last transmission."

[brickhistory]

Message from Custer, sarge: "Just..a..little..off..the top..."

[brickhistory]

The Ford engineers rechecked their calculations when the insertion of just one more horsepower into the V-8 didn't work quite right...

[ShyTorque]

The Royal Irish Rangers had no trouble getting the new secret weapon to explode but HQ forgot to tell them it was supposed to be attached to a dog. They never got a single horse to run under a tank.

[Buster Hyman]

"May I be relived Sir? I've been transmitting all night, and I'm a little hoarse right now..."

[TomJoad]

But Sir he says it neigh working!

yep bad I know!

[brickhistory]

Damn quartermaster; when I ordered a Colt and a radio, this is NOT what I meant...

[cattletruck]

Technicians fine tune the vibration levels on Lady Godiva's new saddle.

---

Send out an Ass-Oh-Ass.

[Kiltrash]

Message coming through Sir, seems faint and in a foreign accent trying to speak English
Something along the lines of, Security.......compromised..........Credit,,,,,,,Card,,,,det ails,,,,,,,,,,Only.......$87.50

[Wander00]

"You have heard of K9 Boss; this is asinine"

[ShyTorque]

"Sorry chaps, it still looks a bit on the rare side. Cook's just calculating a new ready time - come back in about half an hour..."

[Buster Hyman]

"It's from the Rats in Tobruk sir. They say their Camel is prettier..."

[SASless]

Comm Section seemed to have it sorted but the 155mm Horse Borne Artillery project was struggling.

[PingDit]

Sgt: "Run this over to HQ immediately Biggins"...

"Regret to inform the Colonel it appears that we parked the transport over mineral deposits. Following a subsequent HF transmitter short and blinding flash, the transportation unit is now a charcoal colour and welded to the field by its hooves. Request immediate replacement."

[NutLoose]

"Sarge, I have a message for you, it's from some chap called Edward Snowden, he says your missus is tweeting she's doing the rounds in A troops block."

[Danny42C]

Some feller's offering his kingdom for this nag. Who put it on e-bay ?

D.

[Steve the Pirate]

With the new-fangled set humming away, the lads were beginning to wonder why the Colonel had insisted that they use a gelding for the field trials.

STP

[jwcook]

Like the Horse it seems to have run its course..

Honarable mentions to :-
Buster Hyman

All was going well until Bloggs decided to ground what he thought was the Earth cable....
"It's from the Rats in Tobruk sir. They say their Camel is prettier..."

cattletruck
Send out an Ass-Oh-Ass.


In third place - ilvaporista

But sir, the label clearly said Tesco Microwave Oven Ready Lasagne.

In second Place - Runaway Gun

"This Global Positioning Satellite needs to be up a tad higher I think!"



First place to - Dan Gerous

We've networked the printer to the equipment Sir, and HQ seem to be talking ****.


Take it away Dan Gerous..

[Dan Gerous]

Thanks for that. Have a go at this one. Judging mid week.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v382/toom317/Pprune-comp_zpsf23defc5.jpg (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/toom317/media/Pprune-comp_zpsf23defc5.jpg.html)

[Crash alot]

The new wing design for lillette's were causing some concern..

[ksimboy]

Are you sure this is a short cut to Ann Summers?

[PingDit]

".... right, all I need now is somewhere private...."

[brickhistory]

Trials for the reactive camouflage uniforms weren't going well...

[SASless]

"Sheila! We know where you are going!"

[pohm1]

The ice cream man began to realise his 'bring your own cone' offer might cost him dearly.

P1

[NutLoose]

"They didn't have any Magnums, so I've got a couple of cones instead"

[NutLoose]

"Well now the new Sonar Bouys have arrived, anyone know where they parked the Nimrod?"

******

"Damn, batteries not included"

******

"Be right back". "But Doris, you forgot the spade"

[clicker]

Doris was determined to win the inter service badminton competition.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Having been recently dumped by a Typhoon pilot, Sophie swapped in some real SAMs and made off with the smokies.

[pohm1]

Tracey storms off after being disqualified for cheating in the inter-service 'Cup and Ball' competition.

P1

[Roadster280]

Keen to impress, the new young officer took the Sgt at his word- "Jones needs a rocket up his arse".

[Plastic Bonsai]

Do my bombs look big in this?

.....
Oi Bloggs! Come back here and I'll show you "Weapons Insertion"!

.....

[brickhistory]

Chasing profits, DairyAll built a milking machine for aged cows. Here a technician changes out the cups...

[Roadster280]

Well if the lads wouldn't fix the blocked bogs, then sod it, Fiona would do it herself.

[jwcook]

Two or three drinks and she's off with the buoys...

[jwcook]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v382/toom317/Pprune-comp_zpsf23defc5.jpg

Sharon walks off in a huff, after completely misunderstanding the "Bring your own spitroast" party leaflet.

[Runaway Gun]

If Stores are all out of the large black ones, I'll just take two of these little white ones instead.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

The latest Diversity, Equality & Environment Initiative involved providing dildos for lesbian cows on Army ranges.

...and if Fiona heard one more joke.......

[Buster Hyman]

Betty need to work on her insertion techniques, hell, they even had time to photograph her!

[NutLoose]

Having seen them advertised on TV at a good price, Doris pops off to deliver to SASless and Coffman a pair of penis enlargement vacuum tubes.

[brickhistory]

After the program was cancelled, NASA moved quickly to dismantle the sets. Here a technician takes Apollo 18 & 19 back to storage...

[cattletruck]

Double penetration.

[Buster Hyman]

Having seen them advertised on TV at a good price, Doris pops off to deliver to SASless and Coffman a pair of penis enlargement vacuum tubes.
Clearly, the "Small" was too big...But Doris remembered seeing a pair of thimbles in the field...

[Kiltrash]

WikiLeaks:-
Alien rectal probes found in Roswell New Mexico, Air Force claim they are a new design for female personal hygiene and will soon be demonstrated by Tech Sgt Assange

[CoffmanStarter]

Nutty, Buster ... There is no need to be shy ... I'll happily put you in touch with my clinic run by Doctor Pullit.

I find that a top up on one of these every six months is all a chap needs :ok:

http://www.wec-machining.com/img/gallery/fabrication-assemblies/decompression-chamber-large.jpg

Back to the CapComp :E

[CoffmanStarter]

The recently formed Combat Aromatherapy Unit deploys for action :}

[CoffmanStarter]

How BAe would have delivered the Olympic Torch if it had been given the design brief :ouch:

[Lafyar Cokov]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v382/toom317/Pprune-comp_zpsf23defc5.jpg

Maybe these budget ski-poles were a waste of money after all!

[Buster Hyman]

"F*** IT! Sick of this war. I'm taking my bat n ball and going home!"

[Dunky]

Tracy took the huff at being lumbered with last seasons DPM, rather than the in vogue MTP combat's.

[Steve the Pirate]

As with so many other harmless pastimes, the Health and Safety Executive had completely ruined lawn darts.

STP

[CoffmanStarter]

Nah ... If it were a 99 it would have a flake :cool:

[Steve the Pirate]

Despite being a feminist, even Fiona felt that political correctness had gone too far when the the powers that be decided that the more appropriate term was 'sonar persons'.

STP

[NutLoose]

"All I said was I want you to treat me like one of the Boys"

[Steve the Pirate]

"Now with mines, there's laying and sweeping - the men do the laying and, Sandra, you do the sweeping. Sandra, Sandra.......!"

STP

[SASless]

The RSM and SWO each gave Doris a "Rocket" for not having proper headgear!

[ACW599]

Mr Warwick had yelled at Section Officer Harvey once too often...

[Surplus]

really, really short range sidewinders.

[CoffmanStarter]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v382/toom317/Pprune-comp_zpsf23defc5.jpg

[SASless]

Doris set off in search of Nutty and Buster....as she wished to express her opinion of their comments.....and she promised it would not be pretty to watch.

[Wander00]

Mr Warwick, I am coming for you......

[NutLoose]

"SASless come back, they're only self guiding supositories....."

[Kiltrash]

Doris goes off to 'have a word' with Bae who supply Air Force ear defenders but appear to have confussed millimeters with meters

Doris still in search of the stud that can fill the sampling tube in one go

[Kiltrash]

First day back at pre season training and the squad find that they are at odds with Paulo Di Canio's expectations for the shuttle run between the cones as laid out by Doris

[Buster Hyman]

Sharon goes looking for batteries & cigarettes...

[CoffmanStarter]

Simples ... They are extra safe Caps made in Holland :E

[clicker]

Doris decided that Flt Lt Bloggs was due a dishonourable discharge.

[Wander00]

Camp 1 at IOT - "Right Bloggs, these and a 40' rope - get the team across the chasm filled with shark-infested custard. You have 30 minutes"

[sisemen]

"FLIGHT! These walking poles are a bit short!"

[NutLoose]

"Well you said you wanted to be looked on as one of the Bouy's Doris.... The first thing we look for is a good spread pattern"

[Cows getting bigger]

Eric wondered why people always assumed he was a girl.

[Ascend Charlie]

Cheryl wondered why she was the only one who wanted to play lawn darts.

[Steve the Pirate]

The all-new, state-of-the-art, GPS-tracked and marked, RSO-collected, eco-friendly, re-usable 4 pounders were all well and good but when someone got an unscoreable at 12 they were a real pain as Sharon was finding out on an all too regular basis

STP