Caption competition

[Krystal n chips]

Lt.Col ( R.E) leaning on shovel in lieu of shooting stick to 2nd Lt ( R.E. )

" So, Snotson - Smythe, you say you spent some time with those damned Air Force types, and they told you it was jolly easy to hide an aircraft, that they did it all the time in Germany, you just take the wings off, and push it in... and did they, by any chance, mention the word Harrier at all ?"

[CoffmanStarter]

Someone call the Royal Engineers as it would seem our American colleagues haven't heard of Sommerfeld Tracking ...

[Lafyar Cokov]

No, the briefing was as follows - "I want you to fly really low level - under-sTand?"........

[EyesFront]

This is what happens when the engines in a VSTOL aircraft are installed upside down

[Buster Hyman]

Russian TFR was always suss...

[CoffmanStarter]

Lt. Farouk Najjar of the Syrian Air Force attempted to defect by tunnelling out of Syria ... however his plan was rumbled when he tried to drag his jet with him ... Doh ! :ugh:

[Dunky]

"Bloody women drivers, they're useless at parking".

[NutLoose]

Now you can call it a mud mover, all be it dry granulated mud

[CoffmanStarter]

Bunker shots are a bit of a bu??er at times :ooh:

[Mend em]

Alan Tracey needs no help in getting the Mole back into Pod 5 ready for Thunderbird 2 to return to base.

(For older viewers)

[Sven Langolier]

Get the cast from "Flight of the Phoenix" over here ASAP.

[CoffmanStarter]

Five mins earlier ... "cable on" ... "all clear above and behind" ... "take up slack" ... "all out" ... OK who did the DI and forgot to rig the wings ? Winch Driver seen hastily changing his underpants :eek:

[toptobottom]

"I'm sure you do know all about getting sand in your crack love, but I'd still rather leave this one for the lads to sort out, if it's all the same to you..."

http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/00torn.jpg

Some excellent entries so far; keep 'em coming :ok:

[Rather be Gardening]

Opening scenes from "The Mummy 4 - Imhotep Flies South"

[NutLoose]

Don'rt worry love, these guys know what they're doing, they have just come from their last job of removing the Nimrods from Woodford.

[brickhistory]

WMD - Wingless MiG, Desert-covered?

[Krystal n chips]

M.o.D procurement chap leaning on shovel to lower minion

" Erm, Smithers old boy, when you said this chap offered you a damn good deal, fifty million for as many revetments as we wanted, and a quarter up front in cash, did the name on his invoice "Shake Seamus Abdul O'Murphy ( Bildings )" not ring any alarm bells at all ?"

[Buster Hyman]

Aww, now I get why you guys call Russian fighters 'Agricultural'...

[NutLoose]

"Awwww crap, shove it back, and we will try over to the left, those Crated Spitfires have got to be around here somewhere"..

[lomapaseo]

Cover it back up It's not ripe enough yet, the wings haven't developed fully.

[Mend em]

Following a windy day in the Gulf: OK back to work, need to dig out the rest of the carrier,

[CoffmanStarter]

Comrade you're Foxbatski is fu*kedski !

[NutLoose]

Following on from global warming and the drying out of RAF Dogger Bank, recovery of the fleet was on the way

[ShyTorque]

"OK, OK, so next time we promise to take more notice of the volcanic ash NOTAMs...."

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

My name is Ozymandias, Foxbat Squadron Commanding Officer

[brokenlink]

"I know we used to put chipped coconut shell down Canberra intakes to de-coke them Avons when they were running but do you think we used a tad too much abrasive with this one?"

[Kiltrash]

More likely we can get this to fly than Europe win the Ryder Cup

[squeaker]

Well done Corporal!
Now, over there somewhere we believe they've buried two Backfires and a Bear...

[toptobottom]

Five pages of great entries and it's time to announce another winner. Here are the scores on the doors for this round:

In third place, Mend Em's:
Honest Ma'am, I told them to shove a broom up my a**e so as I could sweep up at the same time - but some fool corporal fixed this shovel instead and I ended up throwing a bit of sand around

Runner up is Lafya Cokov's clever:
No, the briefing was as follows - "I want you to fly really low level - under-sTand?"........

And the worthy winner this time is ShyTorque's:
"OK, OK, so next time we promise to take more notice of the volcanic ash NOTAMs...."

Well done and take it away Shyte!
http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/number1-smiley.gif

[ShyTorque]

Thankyou!

Now all I have to do is get the pesky picture to appear......

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/032.jpg

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

The press attend the F-35 In-Service display on the due date.

"Bloody Hell, that's stealthy. It's as if it isn't there at all!"

[CoffmanStarter]

Humm ... I see no ships !

[CoffmanStarter]

Is it a Bird ? Is it a Plane ? Or is it Superman ? ... Nah just that pesky Breitling Birdman :}

[Lafyar Cokov]

The 2012 Fleet Air Arm Fast-Jet flypast was nothing to write home about...

[CoffmanStarter]

Odyssey this is Houston do you copy "beep" ...

[622]

Comms compatability issues were a problem when on exercise with the Red Indians!

[pohm1]

Bob quickly regretted trusting his marriage proposal to a novice sky-writer.

P1

[Runaway Gun]

"...so just recapping the weather forecast here at Dover...WHOAA - there goes Iran!"

[brickhistory]

Exceedingly rare vintage photo of the RAF's Thor demo team...

[SASless]

"Coalition Air Assets....you have to admit the RAF has had some budget cuts of late! We see the smoke....now where's all those mirrors?"

[toptobottom]

Frank thought the afternoon rehearsal for the annual firework display was going really well, but then again...

[Longhitter]

"I told him not to fart after drinking rocket fuel all night."

Or:

"Yeah, yeah, nice rocket. Is that Kate sunbathing over there?"

[CoffmanStarter]

"Skipper to Crew ... so which one of you clowns jettisoned the lav with the AEO in it again !"

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/Edit.jpg

[NutLoose]

"Here Bert, look at that guy over there, does he not understand what smart casual means"..

[Kiltrash]

Australian anti Santa missile brigade report mission accomplished.

Never again the overhype, rip off bar$teward spoiling the barbie

[Roadster280]

Whoever had superglued the eyepieces on the binos was seriously in the ****.

[NutLoose]

"Look... can you see it, over there in the distance, another picture that is easier to put a caption too"

[NutLoose]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/032.jpg

Nice shooting, that's another of Busters golfballs we have hit.

[CoffmanStarter]

Looks like one of Nut's Screws came Loose :E

[4mastacker]

The Red Arrow's paint scheme on their brand-new F-35's didn't quite have the same visual impact as the old Hawks.

[Rather be Gardening]

Abu Hamza's deportation flight was going really well until he got his hook caught in the rear exit door.

[Mend em]

Judging at the newly developed X-games sport of synchronised sky diving was proving more difficult than planned

Or

The 21st century version of clay pigeon shooting, using somewhat larger clays and SAMs, was proving a popular, if noisy, spectator sport

[Siggie]

BA decided to get really tough with passengers found smoking in the toilets.

[SASless]

"Good thing God gave us Ears.....else wise Buster would have to cut peep holes in his Hat."

[CoffmanStarter]

Bang Bang and Bang ... My triple barrel shotgun always catches out the Phesant that can count :}

[CoffmanStarter]

Bloody Nora it's Aurora:eek:

[CoffmanStarter]

It's nearly panto season ... so let's try ...

"It's Behind You"

[CoffmanStarter]

BEagle get's the fright of his life when he fires up his Weber BBQ as someone had secretly converted it to propane :E

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/Edit.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Nothing to see here, move along...

[Hempy]

F/O to Captain "Um....did you just hear a bang?"

[Dunky]

After the ritual Friday night Curry in the Mess, it was prudent to observe the khazi from a distance for signs of use before approaching.

[SteveCox]

Bob's paranoia about chem trails got worse when he realised they were all pointing at him... just him...

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

"Maurice dear, you when you worked at Airbus, which department was it you worked in again?"

"I was in charge of wing assembly honey.."

"I which case, I think a little bit of your past is going to catch up with you"

[NutLoose]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/032.jpg


Following the Annual Inter Squadron Masturbating Competition, a clear winner emerged at the front after years of coming second, he successfully managed to project his discharge to a height of 500 feet whilst breaking the soundbarrier in the progress.
Asked how he had managed such a feat, SASless replied, "Simply extensive training, which involved a year of abstinence".




.

[Buster Hyman]

Yep...that's the modern RAF for you...smoke & mirrors...:rolleyes:

[LurkerBelow]

... Photography of aircraft at airshows is an acquired art. They are a lot further away than you realise so be prepared for lots of photos of seemingly empty sky... (Regi-Spotters handbook 3rd Ed. page 123 section 6.34 iv e)

[NutLoose]

And if I stick two pencils up my nose like so.....


.

[NutLoose]

Houston we have a problem, your cocaine shipment has failed on re-entry.. Beware of splashdown.

.

[CoffmanStarter]

As a result of severe reductions in manpower levels the RAF Falcons Parachute Dispay Team now comprises of just one man who drops smoke canisters and a weighted RAF Ensign for display purposes :(

[CoffmanStarter]

Contrary to NutLoose's post at #14644 ... I was under the impression that the exchange officer, Captain Wang King of the Republic of Singapore Air Force, won the AISMC and not SASless that year :ok:

[airborne_artist]

Puff the Magic Dragon flies again.

[Kiltrash]

Mythbusters confirm It is possible to make a anti aircraft missle for less than Bae

[CoffmanStarter]

Looks like ShyTorque is "blowing smoke" on this one ... he's bu99ered off !

[Buster Hyman]

Nutloose enjoys a healthy dose of contrails...

[Kiltrash]

No one has a clue when the middle management bonding course gets to the 'Blue Sky Thinking' bit. WTF

[Dunky]

Incorrect lighting of the Puffing Billy (M67), could result in spectacular displays.

[ShyTorque]

My worst photo from a Duxford visit (damned digital camera never clicked on time) has run its time so.... judgement day!

I did think "Stealth fighter" the first time I saw it so the runner up is:

Fox3wheresmybanana with:
The press attend the F-35 In-Service display on the due date.
"Bloody Hell, that's stealthy. It's as if it isn't there at all!"

However, as a long time Larson fan (as in "The Far Side" cartoons), This one made me laugh the most:

Bob's paranoia about chem trails got worse when he realised they were all pointing at him... just him...

So, SteveCox, you're on, well done! :ok:

[NutLoose]

:{

Well done Steve :}

[CoffmanStarter]

Congrats Steve ...

Coff.

[SteveCox]

Thanks Gents, most surprised as I thought there was a lot of competition.

Okay lets see what humour (if any) you can find in this fine picture of how it used to be:

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-m44sm32h74Y/UHMalXBg4fI/AAAAAAAACdI/krYHVODnwX8/s640/800px-Handley_Page_H.P.42_Hanno.3.jpg" height="422" width="640"

Judging Friday 12th 1400Z unless it runs out before then.

[brickhistory]

The committee and its design...

[ShyTorque]

In an effort to improve staff morale, the Imperial Airways management imposed a three line whip "Dress down day" every Friday.

But Croydon Airport at 4 a.m. on a chilly day in November 1930 wasn't universally accepted as either the place or time to start the fun.....especially as the tanker drivers were on strike.

[CoffmanStarter]

I say Roger that's a rather nice pith helmet you have there ... I take it we're off to Africa today ... I'll get my elephant gun ... do the walk-round old chap and I'll be back in a Jiff.

[CoffmanStarter]

Eyes front everyone and ignore the flasher in the mac ... :E

[CoffmanStarter]

Let me get this right ... you're going to bolt that tank in my aeroplane ... I'm then to dangle a hose out the back so another aeroplane can refuel in the air ! Nah ... It's never going to work old chap :p

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

When the music stopped, Smithers looked around and discovered he was the only one without a hat.

..Damn!, I'll have to pump the whole bloody lot myself.

[CoffmanStarter]

Well that's the Avgas pumped ... now we just need the Gate Gourmet truck and we can be off ...

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Hang on", said Michael O'Leary. "Have they got the passengers doing the turnround?
Get me Marketing and Maintenance immediately. I've had an idea."

[toptobottom]

"So, gentlemen. As we can see, I have kept my side of the bargain. Now, where are my camels?"

[Dan Gerous]

Look at that asshole with the obscura thingy. No doubt someone will look at this in 80-90 years and wax lyrically about the good old days of air travel. Knobs!

[Buster Hyman]

"Come now Lawrence. I know you're the Ducks Nuts here in Arabia, but there's no need to be uppity & look away from from the picture box just because Imperial won't honour your Qantas FF points anymore!"

[Fantome]

Sheik Rattle-Enrowell sends warmest salutations.

Says design of your flying machine most incredible thing imaginable.

Next time through with your indulgence he will bring hookah and harem for

long joyride.

[toptobottom]

The Prince's birthday party was going well.

"OK. One more game of 'musical bowsers', then I'll announce the winner of the fancy dress competition..."

[Landroger]

It's tails Hoskins, you loose. Your turn to start the top two.

Roger.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

After 4 days in the desert, the desperate Captain agreed to swap all 5 female passengers for a couple of bowsers. Shiek Yabootie was most pleased.

[Lafyar Cokov]

The patented "Dorsal Tannoy System" really told the engines exactly what they should be doing at all stages of flight.

[toptobottom]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-m44sm32h74Y/UHMalXBg4fI/AAAAAAAACdI/krYHVODnwX8/s640/800px-Handley_Page_H.P.42_Hanno.3.jpg%22%20height=%22422%22%20widt h=%22640%22


"Big smile now lads - and watch out for the fla..."




.

[Buster Hyman]

Pilot: "I say Bertie, ask Ginger & Flopsie to fill the old kite with some bang juice & we'll be off to Blighty in no time."
Arab: ...Bluddy Poms. They all look alike & talk gibberish.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Well there's bugger all chance of oil being in the middle of the picture for much longer....

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Nice shiny car, big engines. King has one, yes? I take two. Give 100 camels. Tip top number one bargain for smiley gentlemen. Give 2 daughters also - you nice man."

[brickhistory]

Rare photograph of Sigmund Freud (far right) in Tobruk, circa 1935


Standing next to that guy Adolf.

It made for a loooong flight...

[Buster Hyman]

Mistakenly, many think the pose was for the photo. In actual fact, they'd just finished refueling when the Sheik asked for cash payment.

...And this was the day they invented Hedging.

[lomapaseo]

First refueling with leaded petrol results in tail heavy trim

[Pontius]

In their combined 120 years experience in A & E none of the attending surgeons had heard of slipping on a camel pat and impaling a fuel bowser and the challenge of extracting Simkin's manhood from the vent hole was going to tax them all.

[Arm out the window]

In more recent times, RAAF Caribou replenishment operations had developed far in advance of the laughably outmoded old days (see Fig 1).

For example, only two men and a tie down strap were required to refuel rather than the nine seen here, and re-oiling could be accomplished by an innovative method known as 'passing drums through the top hatch and crawling out on the wing.'

Three cheers for modern technology!

[Buster Hyman]

Mohammed Al Fayed sees an opportunity...

[Big Pistons Forever]

9 October 2012

To Imperial Airways

Notice of Regulatory Action

It has been brought to the attention of the CAA that there is photographic evidence that that you company has failed to follow the regulations for appropriate air side clothing. In particular no one in the picture is wearing a hi viz jacket despite the fact that they are clearly servicing the aircraft

The CAA prides it self on prompt action when dealing with any safety infractions.
therefore your earliest attention to this grave matter is required

[CoffmanStarter]

Bend over Smithers and I'll show you why it's called a "Flying Suppository" :}

[CoffmanStarter]

Croydon hasn't changed that much over the years :E

[toptobottom]

The SAS squad landed at dawn in Samakh.

"Lads, when your CO told you to come out here dressed as locals, he didn't mean local to your home..."

[Kiltrash]

Sorry but the captains credit card has been cloned anyone got
£2, 3 and 6 to pay for the fuel?

[NutLoose]

"I say chaps, compliments of the day from the RAF Herc detachment, but we wish to inform you that it is bad form not to have all of your props on the ground in the same position as your two upper ones"...





.

[ACW599]

"When I asked for FSII to be added, I wasn't inviting Smithers to p*ss in the bowser."

[toptobottom]

"In my country, stealing fuel is a very serious offence, punishable by the amputation of a hand. I would have thought some of you would have learned your lesson the first time..."

[toptobottom]

Cleverly disguised in pyjama bottoms, nobody realised Ramsey MacDonald was a member of the diplomatic party visit to Palestine - until he mistakenly removed the french fries from his nostrils for the group picture.

[pohm1]

"I'd like a picture of the men standing in front of the prop."

"It's not a prop sir, it's the real thing."

P1

[Buster Hyman]

Are you sure that the Nigerian's email said to meet him here?

[Rather be Gardening]

"Sir, you know you were saying at the Sheik's banquet last night that Arabs didn't have a sense of humour? Well, you'll never guess what's actually in this bowser. Clue's on the outside......"

[airborne_artist]

"So you are telling me we flew for three days to get here, sat in a Bedouin tent for two days talking, and still they didn't buy any of your over-priced sand? Last time I come on a sales trip with you Farnsworth-Smyth."

[stuckgear]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-m44sm32h74Y/UHMalXBg4fI/AAAAAAAACdI/krYHVODnwX8/s640/800px-Handley_Page_H.P.42_Hanno.3.jpg%22%20height=%22422%22%20widt h=%22640%22

Air Zimbabwe celebrates its new fleet addition in 2012. Robert Mugabe requested the new $122m leased aircraft painted in honour of British Imperialism.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Hajj Pilgrim Airways announces its 2012 fleet upgrade program is complete.

Capacity per aircraft is 90 pilgrims, 170 goats (obtainable from Gate Gourmet at the terminal) or a mix thereof.

[CoffmanStarter]

Wad'ya mean it looks like a corrugated aluminium banana !

[CoffmanStarter]

ITV Producers are really pleased that in the next episode of Downton Abbey they will be able to feature an authentic period aircraft ...

[NutLoose]

"I say chaps, any chance of a propellor off this old crate, the Mess President wants to pop a clock in it"..

[SASless]

"Beags ,as Base Manager, oversees re-fueling of the first Haj flight from Manchester."

[Roadster280]

"Well Sir, I think the Voyager PFI team have moved on considerably since the first incarnation of the project"

[NutLoose]

" No you are correct, last time we visited each engine had two blader props fitted, however someone at MOD suggested we bolt another prop on the front of the original ones to increase thrust as they had some spare props knocking about."

[CoffmanStarter]

Bing Bong ... EasyProp is pleased to announce the departure of it's flight EZ101 to Cairo. Please proceed to Gate 22c where your charabang awaits to take you to the aircraft ... Thank you for flying EasyProp.

[CoffmanStarter]

Is that a RAT I see ... or is it the coffee grider for the 1st Class cabin :ooh:

[CoffmanStarter]

Bing Bong ... We are pleased to announce that we are ready to board passengers for our flight to Cairo. 1st Class guests are asked to turn right on entering the main hatch to take their seats ... Our Business Class passengers are asked to turn left on entering to take their bench ... Coach Class travellers are asked to wait beside the aircraft until our ground staff are ready to strap you to the wings ... We do hope you have a pleasant flight.

[brickhistory]

The young lawyer found forgotten evidence of the much earlier attempt to merge EADS with BAe...

[Fantome]

though weird and wondrous she surely be

on she'll sail through tropic skies

stately as any galleon was

with fuel and oil by SHELL decreed

sedately spreading far afield

Britain's might and majesty

[Buster Hyman]

That awkward moment just after Achmed had shouted "Imperial Dogs!"...and two seconds before they realised he was the local Cargo Handling Agent delivering some Greyhounds for the outbound flight...

[Fantome]

Ahhh . . . sahibs . . . . . your Handley Page now . . .. your very funny

fantastic Fred . .

. .. . . . . his humour flies far far afield . . . . .. the ragged arsed fall off

their beasts . .. . . subdued this time by boundless mirth

[MReyn24050]

All right Lawrence, have you got the bl***y key or not?

[NutLoose]

"Excuse me old chap, can one do MRA?"

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

So Smithers, when Mustapha Beer here told you he had an ex-BA 4-engined airliner for only 30 million, you just handed over the cash?

[Fantome]

digressing here for a moment herein some possible captional inspiration


flight international | top kneddy | aero-engines news | 1973 | 2638 | Flight Archive (http://www.flightglobal.com/pdfarchive/view/1973/1973%20-%202638.html?search=straight%20%20level)

[CoffmanStarter]

Steptoe and Son branch out into aircraft ground handling after selling Hercules the horse ... Albert Steptoe is on hand to supervise the firm's first turnaround at Croydon ... Harold is seen here pumping Avgas muttering "you dirty old man".

[4mastacker]

1930's lineys set an example of sartorial elegance which their modern day counterparts have faithfully maintained.

[NutLoose]

I know your bum hurts Mustapha, but it was your turn in the barrel.

[CoffmanStarter]

Humm ... Primitive propulsion technology it is young Skywalker ... The force is not strong with this one !

[CoffmanStarter]

Give Courtney Mil a few more moments chaps as he want's to see how many AIM-9 Sidewinders he can hang on it :cool:

[Rocket2]

Under the terms of RAFAIR 2012/NOTACHANCE, BAe Systems demonstrates the versatility of their proposed BAe (HP)42 2014 MPA by operating the previously mothballed transporter from a remote location.

[toptobottom]

"Just to remind you, gentlemen. The secret to a good caption contest lies in the quality, not quantity, of entries. Best keep them short, simple, but clever. Now, let's all face the camera and we'll try once again...".

:*

[CoffmanStarter]

Hello hello what's this I see ... is this your vehicle Sir ? ... "Yes officer" ... there appears to be no tread on your tires Sir ... that will be a £100 fine and 3 Points on your licence. :}

[Kiltrash]

Told you not to divert to Liverpool, see they have already had a engine away

[NutLoose]

Previously unpublished photographs emerge of Adolf Hitlers early career as a Shell oil trolley brakeman..

[Fantome]

Extraordinary aeroplane attended by party of men decidedly unamused.

Something they ate? The heat? The flies?

[NutLoose]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-m44sm32h74Y/UHMalXBg4fI/AAAAAAAACdI/krYHVODnwX8/s640/800px-Handley_Page_H.P.42_Hanno.3.jpg%22%20height=%22422%22%20widt h=%22640%22

We don't care Mustapha, we want your Jim Fixed it for me badge back now.

[Fantome]

Sheikh's hopes for mile-high harem charter dashed by posse of po-faced poms.

[jwcook]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-m44sm32h74Y/UHMalXBg4fI/AAAAAAAACdI/krYHVODnwX8/s640/800px-Handley_Page_H.P.42_Hanno.3.jpg%22%20height=%22422%22%20widt h=%22640%22

The Sheiks performance in "spotting an insurgent" training was still woeful, despite the target wearing bagging trousers, doing the insurgent dance and singing I've got an RPG in my pants...!!

[Arm out the window]

'Imperial - Fly the Friendly Skies'

[Siggie]

The first Fuel Tank Entry Simulators were well received by the prospective trainees.

[CoffmanStarter]

After years of abismal Corporate Calendars ... for 2013 Support Tech Services Limited plan to produce a tasteful "Calendar Girl's" style offering :E

[CoffmanStarter]

Death by MS PowerPoint ... Boris Johnson begins his slide presentation in support of the Thames Estuary airport proposal :zzz:

[LurkerBelow]

Lawrence of Arabia's musings on a possible delivery vehicle for the Airbourne Division of the Royal Camel Corps was met by stunned silence. How could you ever consider putting a camel in a aircraft? ...

[CoffmanStarter]

32 Squadron take delivery of their new "corporate" hack ... which is a PFI contract with Support Tech Services Limited :}

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-m44sm32h74Y/UHMalXBg4fI/AAAAAAAACdI/krYHVODnwX8/s640/800px-Handley_Page_H.P.42_Hanno.3.jpg%22%20height=%22422%22%20widt h=%22640%22

Southend's bid to be London's 4th airport lacked a little sophistication.

[Rather be Gardening]

The Captain insisted on doing his Napoleon-exiled-at-Elba impression before each flight, to the bemusement of the passengers.

[CoffmanStarter]

Ahhh ... The smell of Imperial Leather :)

[squeaker]

Gentleman here to see you Sir, its about those Sopwith Camels you bought on eBay. I think there may have been a misunderstanding..

[SteveCox]

Well the time has come, it was very hard to choose from all the top class entries. Please excuse cut and paste, I've still not mastered multiple quotes.

So a highly commended to 'Buster Hyman' with:

That awkward moment just after Achmed had shouted "Imperial Dogs!"...and two seconds before they realised he was the local Cargo Handling Agent delivering some Greyhounds for the outbound flight...

Third Place to 'Fox3WheresMy Banana' with

So Smithers, when Mustapha Beer here told you he had an ex-BA 4-engined airliner for only 30 million, you just handed over the cash?

Second to 'CoffmanStarter' with

Bing Bong ... EasyProp is pleased to announce the departure of it's flight EZ101 to Cairo. Please proceed to Gate 22c where your charabang awaits to take you to the aircraft ... Thank you for flying EasyProp.


My winner this time though is 'Big Pistons Forever' with

9 October 2012

To Imperial Airways

Notice of Regulatory Action

It has been brought to the attention of the CAA that there is photographic evidence that that you company has failed to follow the regulations for appropriate air side clothing. In particular no one in the picture is wearing a hi viz jacket despite the fact that they are clearly servicing the aircraft

The CAA prides it self on prompt action when dealing with any safety infractions.
therefore your earliest attention to this grave matter is required

So take it away 'Big Pistons Forever'

[toptobottom]

Well done BPF - and to Steve for another great image :ok: Maybe we should have an image of the year contest too... :}

[CoffmanStarter]

Congratulations BPF ... well deserved old chap :D

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

and more thanks to Steve - this one was fun!:D

[NutLoose]

I'm getting withdrawal symptoms..... :ooh:

[CoffmanStarter]

Steve ...

Any news from our Canadian Water Bomber mate ? Happy to put up a pic as 2nd place winner for BPF to judge ... let me know :ok:

[CoffmanStarter]

Hi all ...

It would seem we have radio silence from BPF and Steve ... and with 24 Hrs nearly lapsed since Steve's winner announcement yesterday ... I'll take the initiative as runner up ... if only to help Nutloose cope with his CapCom OCD problem (I can talk !).

I will gladly stand-down if BPF wishes ... but leave him to judge as is the form in such circumstances (also allows me to play :ok:).

The inspiration for my offering comes from Nutloose's recent post on the declassification of a USAF Flying Saucer project ...

USAF Flying Saucer Project (http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/497318-declassified-us-flying-saucer-project-1794-a.html)

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/images-2.jpg

Best regards ...

Coff.

[CoffmanStarter]

Gort! Klaatu barada nikto! ... very loosely translated ... "even I have to fly with a Navigator" :}

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, I know. We're both unhappy but the pilots union said they'll try to reinstate our epaulettes to the uniform.

[NutLoose]

I a senior galactic pilot and as such I am entitled to wear my belt up under my t*ts Earthman.



We are booked in for some upgrades at BAe.... Why are you laughing Earthman..

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

First landing of real extraterrestrials dismissed by UFO nuts as Government hoax.

[Longhitter]

....Must....not.....get....a.....boner.....!

[Longhitter]

Bloke in front: "Bloggs, I told you not to fart in an airtight space suit!"

Bloggs: "Well, at least mine isn't riding up my crack like yours is..."

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Entire Deep South dumbfounded when alien ship found not to contain Elvis.

[NutLoose]

Nice nippl.... Err ship..... Spaceman


.

[CoffmanStarter]

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/images-2.jpg

Gort ... "I'm with stupid" :E

[CoffmanStarter]

Klaatu ... "How come the robot gets a G-Suit capable of withstanding 200g and I get issued with a rubber romper suit ?" :*

[brickhistory]

The first selection for The Fantastic Voyage team's entry point was not successful.

Navigator Ben Wa made a brilliant suggestion for an alternative...

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Alien peace mission ignored after Vogue fashion editor declares their dress sense "so 1950's"

[CoffmanStarter]

Nah ... Sorry mate I haven't a clue who they are ... those bloody orbs have been following us since we passed Alpha Centauri when we were clocking Warp 10 :cool:

[SASless]

Monty Python's Inspiration for "The Meaning of Life" identified!

[ShyTorque]

"Master....Rattle, Clank... :}"

"What is it now? :\"

"Master.....help....rattle, rattle"

"What IS it? And why do you keep rattling? :*"

"Master.... help me - I've got a....I've got a..... Nut Loose!"

[CoffmanStarter]

A novel start for a recent TACEVAL :eek:

[SteveCox]

Thanks for sorting it out CoffmanStarter, I was out all day.

Anyway...

As Neil Armstrong Waited in the Warehouse for Buzz and the rest of the film crew to turn up for the 'on Moon' shots of the Apollo 11 mission, he got the feeling he was being watched.

[NutLoose]

Hello Earthmen, do one of you have a key to wind up Gort?

[CoffmanStarter]

Fox 3 about to be presented with another banana by his backseater after getting a Guns Kill on a Klingon Bird of Prey :ok:

[CoffmanStarter]

Nowadays even Alien's are wearing silicon wrist bands in uniform :mad:

[CoffmanStarter]

The RAF Top Brass are to rethink their plans to re-muster Rock Apes as backseaters ... owing to excessive Functional Reach shown by candidates :}

[toptobottom]

Yeah, very funny... 6 months in space and it doesn't even have real pubic hair..

[lomapaseo]

Fat? No, The guy behind me is wearing a space suit that didn't provide for bodily waste disposal

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Reporter 1: "We need a catchy name for the Alien's robot"

Reporter 2: "Well, it's standing in the background, zero charisma, and doing nothing. How about Nick Clegg?"

[Dan Gerous]

ARE YOU READY TO ZUMBA!

[NutLoose]

We wish to claim political asylum, a house, medical care and benefits Earthling

Or

Stop right there buddy, no illegal aliens without a green card..

.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

The Techno-Latex Fetishists Convention in Las Vegas got weirder every year.




*trust me on this!

[Buster Hyman]

I'm here to see Tom Cruise. I have an appointment...

[NutLoose]

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/images-2.jpg

[SASless]

Buster, staying in the background appeared to finally have matched his Hat and Waist sizes.

[Buster Hyman]

Be at peace Gort, we mean them no harm...except that SASless bloke, you can vaporize him! :suspect:

[622]

He's not the Stig....but he is the Stigs outer space cousin!

[CoffmanStarter]

Good evening Earthlings ... we are from the Galactic Rectal Probe Unit ... if you would all like to form an orderly queue over here on the left we'll get started :E

[CoffmanStarter]

Err ... Mr Alien ... I've got the local SATCO on the blower ... he want's to speak to you about a possible Air Space infringement ... will you take the call ? :ooh:

[CoffmanStarter]

The end of the world is really nigh ... they've come for Buster :(

[Kiltrash]

What do you mean you dont sell 4 star anymore?

or

Just before the US of A military missunderstand the universal sign of peace. Live Long and Prosper

[Mend em]

The 'Hackney Orphanage Boys Brigade and London Transport Automated Conductor Builds Flying Saucer' part of the London Olympics Opening Ceremony was as baffling to the foreigners as all the rest - but the Brits 'got it'.

[Surplus]

Now concentrate this time, Dougal. That [pointing the spaceman in the front] is very small;
that [pointing at the smaller spaceman ] far away...

Apologies to Father Ted.

[Rather be Gardening]

"Yes, Mr Alien, you can hire the General for £100,000 or you can have the ADC, here, in a rubber suit for fifty quid".

[NutLoose]

Gort wants to know who starched his suit.

[toptobottom]

Nope. Gaffer tape didn't work either. I definitely need a new one.

[Buster Hyman]

I'm looking for the owner of a vehicle, registration "Voyager-1"? It's scratched my Gort in the car park.

[CoffmanStarter]

Wad'ya mean I owe a Landing Fee ... I'm using an anti-gravity-warp drive ... therefore you owe me Earthling ! :}

[CoffmanStarter]

"We'll be doing a standard vertical noise abatement departure, keeping our speed down to below 10 of your Earth Mach Units until we leave the atmosphere, with infinite duration, 2 POB and an EFT of 20 Earth Minutes to the Andromeda Galaxy ... calling Milky Way Radar on Stud 2 after departure."

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Gort, seek out whoever has painted two yellow lines around our landing gear and applied a "clamp".

Shall I use the Death Ray upon them, Klaatu?

Such an action would seem unconventional, but popular.

[Kiltrash]

Red hot Vindaloo you say? I am willing to try it but my companion is a bit doubtfull


Or


Safe sex you say??, my companion is ready to try but I am a bit doubtfull

[Kiltrash]

In 1951 Klaatu says, their military is far too strong

Lets try Britain in say 2012 or even 2015 when our clone of their PM will have fulfilled its mission

Klaatu barada nikto

[CoffmanStarter]

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/images-2.jpg

We are searching the universe for talented aerospace engineers to work with us ... we understand that there is one who calls himself "NutLoose" amongst you ... we have come for him.:eek:

[toptobottom]

"I don't care if it can do the hoovering - I'm not sharing my cabin and that's that"

[CoffmanStarter]

So I'll now fill Gort up with Red Bull and take him up to 128,000 feet over Roswell then push him out and see if he bounces ... he doesn't need a parachute like you Earthlings. :}

[Buster Hyman]

"I am here for Keanu Reeves & the Producers of the remake. They are wanted for crimes against humanity!"

[NutLoose]

"What do you mean my ship looks like a Mons Pubis..... Gort, close the fla.... Err door."

.

[Buster Hyman]

Mark Webber sticks up for his co driver at Red Bull; "He's not a robot. He's just a very focused young German."

[Hempy]

"You mean to tell me that you've dragged me all the way here only to finally admit that there really is no such thing as a hobot ???"

[Buster Hyman]

(with a nod to Hempy's effort)

Werez all dem Fembots at Bro???

[Cows getting bigger]

We come in peace. My name is Bin Laden.

[NutLoose]

"What do you mean, come back in January, we are closed down for an extended holiday over Christmas."


.

[ricardian]

He's stood behind me isn't he!

[Dunky]

"I modelled his head on the one you call Wayne Rooney".

[CoffmanStarter]

All ...

Just sent the following PM to BPF ...

Big Pistons Forever ...

As runner-up I took the lead last week with the following post ...

It would seem we have radio silence from BPF and Steve ... and with 24 Hrs nearly lapsed since Steve's winner announcement yesterday ... I'll take the initiative as runner up ... if only to help Nutloose cope with his CapCom OCD problem (I can talk !).

I will gladly stand-down if BPF wishes ... but leave him to judge as is the form in such circumstances (also allows me to play ).

Looks like everyone has had a bit of extraterrestrial fun with my CapCom offering ... so it won't be too long before a Judgement Day is needed ! Will you be able to do this ? If radio silence is continued until 12:00 UTC this Wednesday I'll judge and pass on the baton.

Please discount my entries if you pick-up judging ...

Best ...

Coff.

[SteveCox]

Filming for the Terminator pre-quell was about to start but Arnie was still puzzling how he was going to play someone with such a large robot inside them.

[NutLoose]

SPACEMAN!!! Get that F****g thing off my grass and report to my by 2 o'clock with those sideboards up and your bl**dy hair cut you 'orrible little alien.......


Jack Holt

[ACW599]

"Earthlings! Do you have Grab-A-Granny Nights on your planet?"

[622]

Astronaut Jenkins soon found out he had a faulty suit relief valve after eating baked beans and sprouts all the way back from Mars

[airborne_artist]

"Of course I can introduce to you my leader; I see him at the club most evenings. 100,000 of your earth pounds should do it."

[toptobottom]

The ticket inspector just wasn't buying the story that they'd had both boarded at Brighton beach...

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/images-2.jpg

[Ascend Charlie]

You call me Klaatu-Dee-two again and I will jam my thermonuclear disintegrator right up your Klaaker!

[Buster Hyman]

Klaatu Vee Sedstein!

[CoffmanStarter]

Nurse the screens please ... Mr Hyman's medication is wearing off :p

[NutLoose]

:ok::E:E










............

[Pontius]

"Did anybody see where Dorothy went with the other two?"

[jwcook]

I love this movie! especially when the alien Gandolf said "Use the force Harry!!":}

[CoffmanStarter]

Hi all ...

Well it's judgement day ... quite apt really !

BPF is AFK for a little while longer and has asked me to judge for him.

A veritable smörgåsbord of offerings ... seems you all enjoyed a bit of extraterrestrial humour with the 1950's Classic Sci Fi Film "The Day The Earth Stood Still".

3rd Place & Bronze Medal Winner : F3WMB.

"The Techno-Latex Fetishists Convention in Las Vegas got weirder every year."

Of which our mate seems to know too much detail ... :}

2nd Place & Silver Medal Winner : Hempy.

"You mean to tell me that you've dragged me all the way here only to finally admit that there really is no such thing as a hobot ???"

1st Place & Gold Medal Winner : Buster Hyman.

"I'm here to see Tom Cruise. I have an appointment."

Over to you then Buster ... Nanu Nanu ... :D

Coff.

[toptobottom]

It's been a while - well deserved Buster! :ok:

http://i851.photobucket.com/albums/ab71/prooner/applause2.gif

[NutLoose]

:{:{:{

I demand a recount :{:{:{

Well, gulp...spit, gulp, cough, done Buster :{:{


:p


.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Of which our mate seems to know too much detail
Surely we've all got a partner some made-to-measure PVC outfit?

SWMBO has a whole new meaning when she's in spike-heeled thigh boots. :E

Congrats Buster :ok:

[54Phan]

Yes, hearty congratulations to Buster, who nearly owed the Canadian government a new keyboard :D! These entries always make life on the cube farm more tolerable.

[Buster Hyman]

High praise indeed, many thanks. :ok:

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/170715.jpg

[brickhistory]

Kilroy grew exhausted from fitting those rounds into that bandoleer.

[Wander00]

Phallic symbols, what's "phallic" mean?

[CoffmanStarter]

Private Hiltz gave up trying to follow the MO's prescription of one suppository four times a day :}