Caption competition

[CoffmanStarter]

Loadmaster to Captain ... 'The Elsan has moved again' :eek:

[ShyTorque]

Damn! The diet hasn't worked!

[Wensleydale]

When I said "Rotate", what I meant was.....

[Hempy]

Bit late on the roundout there, Hoskins!

(in before Buster :})

[CoffmanStarter]

Normally speaking Bloggs a Great Circle Track is the shortest distance from A to B ... So let's plan that final leg to Australia again :}

[Wensleydale]

"No Bloggs. You have not passed your IRT!"

[Wensleydale]

"Hello Waddington Tower - the concrete on the new runway has not set yet".

[Hempy]

Nosedive? Watch this!!

[CoffmanStarter]

Chocks ... What Chocks ?

[Buster Hyman]

Memo to all crews: Use of the Caption Competition is strictly forbidden during short finals when the subject matter contains scantily clad females!

[Buster Hyman]

Well? How else am I supposed to see the taxiway markings in this fog?

[Buster Hyman]

Ohhh Loadmaster......

[Buster Hyman]

Hello Darlin'...what brings you running into the cockpit like this?

[Wander00]

I told you not to leave the bl@@dy camera there

[dazdaz1]

Moles 1 RAF 0

[NutLoose]

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r231/thawes/Hastings491_zpsbab38022.jpg


"Is that the Skipper at the cockpit door?"
"Yeah, and he don't look 'appy"
"Why's that?"
"Well 'e was on the Elsan down the back"

[NutLoose]

"Skip, The Nav says he's picking up a lot of ground clutter on the radar"

[NutLoose]

"It's no good, we're going to have to offload some of the pies from the fwd galley"

[Big Pistons Forever]

When I says WHOA, I means WHOA !...........ummmm...never mind

[Big Pistons Forever]

This is what happens when you end up rushing to the gate because you didn't go before the the flight :O

[Big Pistons Forever]

Training Evaluation Report Summary:

Prince Charles had some minor difficulties with maneuvering the aircraft on the ground, but is in all respect ready for his aircraft command qualification.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Who do you think you are Bloggs, the bloody Pope?!"

[ACW599]

Bloggs had not quite mastered the finer points of the shutdown checks.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Tower to Fudpucker 491, you are badly broken, say again?"

[CoffmanStarter]

Right Bloggs ... Let's try and apply opposite rudder and the pushing of the nose forward, until rotation stops, a bit earlier next time :hmm:

[ValMORNA]

The Battle of Hastings Re-enactment Team found that their Nose-Protectors were not fit for purpose.

[Mechta]

"Aye sir, you're right, it is a ten bob note"

[NutLoose]

"There. see, I told you that you had flat spotted the tailwheel on that last circuit"

[treadigraph]

More Hastings less speed eh, Hoskins?

[Arm out the window]

Yes, of course I got a government grant, art like this doesn't come cheap. The juxtaposition of aircraft and ground is symbolic of my quest to find myself, and of man's fundamental inhumanity to man ... hey, where are you going? I haven't finished yet!

[Wensleydale]

ISIS' attempt at putting together an aircraft fleet suffered a setback when they insisted that all their runways had to point towards Mecca.

[langleybaston]

A CrashOb will immediately be made whenever:

1. it is apparent that an incident has occurred or

2. ATC request one.

[ShyTorque]

"Seeing as you like your nose so close to the ground, Bloggs...you're being posted - to a Bloodhound squadron!!"

[Buster Hyman]

Hey guys... Skipper wants to know if you've got a smaller tail strut?

[Buster Hyman]

Well, what do you expect? The NIGL has fallen over & we were only following gate procedure...

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

To avoid unpleasantness, steer clear of the wet patch. ;)

[NutLoose]

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r231/thawes/Hastings491_zpsbab38022.jpg


"Ahhh, another of your tall tales to tell in the bar Hoskins"

[NutLoose]

"It was the ILS Sir, it wasn't working"
"It hasn't been invented yet Scroggings"
"And your point is?"

[NutLoose]

It's the new Ryan Air promotion, the first 50 on board, fly for free"

[jwcook]

"Yes AVM, Joint operations are all well and good, but I question the wisdom of putting a submarine captain in a cockpit and shouting dive"

........

"Nose down arse up" isn't an instruction.

........

Accident report:-

"I was momentarily distracted by some bird sitting on a bomb"

........

The pole for the new gate guardian was woefully inadequate.


.......

moments after the incident the finger pointing started


.......


The Mystery of who ate all the pies was finally solved!
..............

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Open throttle......remove chocks......controls full and free....for God's sake, why can't they number these things!!

.........................


You're right sir, from up here they do look like little ants.

[Buster Hyman]

Ok...let's debrief. First of all, I think it's important to point out that we weren't in a fighter. Secondly, whilst lining up to attack from out of the Sun was excellent, your altitude awareness was poor. Finally, when you hear that bloke saying "Pull up", it's probably a good idea to listen.

Anyway, regardless of all that, welcome to the Iraqi Air Force!

[Art Smass]

Good work Jenkins, now we can plant those spuds

[CoffmanStarter]

BREAKING NEWS ... The Metropolitan Police have confiscated another Drone ... The Centre Court at Wimbledon is likely to be closed for a while

[Cows getting bigger]

Right you lot, stand there and catch the tail as we let it drop.

[Wokkafans]

We're going to need more milk and a bigger bowl.

[Walking Ballast]

.
.

Now that is the perfect demonstration of the weight of some pilot's ego......!
.
.
.

[ShyTorque]

Trials of the RAF's first pusher prop canard went quite well, but were later abandoned after they discovered it flew slightly better the other way round.

[Buster Hyman]

Well, I can't help it if the Ladder's broken. Now, do you want the windscreen washed or not?

[NutLoose]

"Well, you know the rules Laddie, three strikes and your..."

"Posted to Strike Command, Sir?"








..

[622]

OK own up, who rubbed Viagra on the VHF antenna?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Bruce and Sheila were starting to think that the war-surplus stump-jump plough they had received was not really as described in the catalog.

[ShyTorque]

"Ferrchristsakes, Nav - turn the gain down on that magnetic mine detector!"

[Buster Hyman]

A bit heavy handed on the Compass swing there Hoskins.

[DirtyProp]

All cabin crew members move to the rear station - now!
Maybe they won't notice it...

[Hempy]

Lovely 3 pointer there Hoskins. Now we just need to address your dyslexia..

[Buster Hyman]

Well, that's one way to get the catering trolley up here faster!

[SteveCox]

When the boss said you needed to get your nose to the grind stone Hoskins, this wasn't quite what he meant.

[squeaker]

Amendment 26:

Landing checklist will henceforth include the line:

PARKING BRAKE...............................OFF

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Those Americans will insist on tipping - bloody exchange pilots.

[Wensleydale]

"I don't care that you used to be a harrier pilot.....".

[cattletruck]

Sorry Captain, I'm not saying anything about your generous girth, however my CofG calculations didn't factor in you moving the seat forward.

[Danny42C]

THIS IS NOT A CAPTION

Chaps, in 49 hours we've got 71 entries. When we reach 100, or there's been no entry for EDIT: twelve hours from now (whichever comes first), I'll draw stumps, otherwise it's too big to be able to judge fairly. :confused:

Danny.

[CoffmanStarter]

it's too big to be able to judge fairly ...

O Matron really !!!

[Big Pistons Forever]

Fair judging ???? That will be a first at CAPCOM :p

[NutLoose]

I always try to judge it as what makes me chortle, no favourites here

[CoffmanStarter]

Happy Canada Day to you BPF old chap :ok:

[Pontius Navigator]

Sir Frederick' s attempt to beat Fairy in the OR334 competition was admirable but overlooked the need for an additional nose thruster.

[Donkey497]

Thought I'd go for some bulk posting.....


1: World's first spin recovery simulator




2: The introduction of the "Emergency Stop" from the driving test to multi-engine conversion checkouts didn't go entirely smoothly........




3: Stacked parking has to start somewhere......




4: "What do you mean?, "What nose gear?""

[ACW599]

"So you're now fully aware of magnetic dip effect on the compass, Bloggs".

[Big Pistons Forever]

What What ! They didn't load the catering ? STOP RIGHT NOW !

[Big Pistons Forever]

I have CONTRO..........never mind.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Entered by the pilot who flew the aircraft on the previous flight:

Defect: Brakes occasionally grab full on.

As noted by the pilot of this flight:

Rectification: NFF

[Buster Hyman]

I always try to judge it as what makes me chortle, no favourites here
Unless its mine...:*

[Hempy]

Buster, yeah, but you set yourself up years ago with;

https://s2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/1NljILDKhcRAKjnJG2yilw--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTYzMA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en-GB/blogs/golf-bunker/norman129037182471982312.jpg

[Buster Hyman]

Stabbed with a wedge...typical! :ugh:

[lomapaseo]

devining rod looking for sand

[Wander00]

Well, your Royal Highness, that's the last landing you do when I am Captain

[Martin the Martian]

So the Hastings may fly like a cow, but that doesn't mean it will chew the cud like one.

[NutLoose]

To be totally fair Buster, I judge yours just the same as anyone elses, but to be honest, they just haven't been as funny as some of the other entries of late :p




..

[Danny42C]

Big Pistons Forever (and Amen to that, say I),

Your #30512: A bit hard, I thought. What is "fair"? ("What is Truth"?), said Pilate - both unanswerable questions). As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Humour is in the mind of the of the hearer. Life is not "fair", anyway. Chacun a son gout ! (But then, you had your tongue in your cheek, didn't you !) But what the Umpire says is final.

Must echo Coffman Starter (#30514): "Happy Canada Day to you BPF old chap". Will put it in my diary (might live that long! - but wouldn't put money on it).

Danny.

*********

To business: now the Day of Judgment is come. After much deep thought, and after closely examining the entrails, by the authority vested in me, I now pronounce as follows:

In close line astern, then, No.3 (Buster) receives Honourable Mention with:

"Hello Darlin'...what brings you running into the cockpit like this?" Note #

He is in the propwash of No.2 (Nutloose), Proxime Accessit with:

"Is that the Skipper at the cockpit door?"
"Yeah, and he don't look 'appy"
"Why's that?"
"Well 'e was on the Elsan down the back"

But the Laurel Crown and the No.1 spot must surely go to:
(treadigraph) for his: "More Hastings less speed eh, Hoskins?"

Over to treadigraph goes the Poisoned Chalice.

I have spoken, let no dog bark!

Now I call upon all here present to raise a cheer for the unnamed hero of the piece, who has (through no fault of his own) provided us with one of the best pictures ever. Hip, Hip........

*************************

Note #: (True Story?): Somewhere in Oz they were coming in on a GCA. To interest the pax, he had patched the talkdown onto the cabin speakers. After landing, he forgot that the patch was still in place, said to the First Officer: "Strewth - I could do with a cold beer and a hot shiela !"

Hostie galloped up the aisle to tell Captain his mike was still live.

Voice from the back: "Don't forget the beer !" :ok:

Danny42C

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played Treadigraph :D:D:D:D

[Big Pistons Forever]

Well played Treadigraph :D:D:D:D

I concur , and reluctantly admit it was a better entry than any of mine

[Buster Hyman]

Very good!:ok::D:D

[Buster Hyman]

I'm having withdrawal symptoms here...

I'll put this up until PC or Nutty are ready...

http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2013/march/images/awesome_photos_collected_from_history_09.jpg

[jwcook]

"Tally ho"

Since the ban on fox hunting the blood sports brigade had gotten a lot more creative.

[jwcook]

Early plans for the Black buck raids were not a success.

or

Captain darlings parting words suddenly made sense "Be careful of the rain dear!"

[Hempy]

It's a little known fact that in December 1944 'Blitzen' contemplated a name change..

[Hempy]

Jolly good show today chaps. 3 Me109s, 2 FW190s and one Red Sleigh!

[jwcook]

Just at the moment Rudolph's red nose got him vaporised - Blitzen thought "I'm glad I have a brown nose because i couldn't stop as fast as the others" .

[Buster Hyman]

Blitzen Krieg

[Danny42C]

"It shouldn't happen to a reindeer !"

[Danny42C]

"I'll have the RSPCA onto this lot - see if I don't !"

[Danny42C]

"Well, saves me having to pay that hit-reindeer to get rid of her !"

[Danny42C]

"I'll say this for 'em - they've cleared the snow off my favourite patch of lichen a treat !"

[CoffmanStarter]

http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2013/march/images/awesome_photos_collected_from_history_09.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

I say chaps the Weather looks a bit iffy ... Lets Stag for the day :p

[CoffmanStarter]

I say the Boffins have really come up trumps this time ... That's the new Dawlish Mk4b High Gain Air Defence Radar cunningly disguised as a Stag :p

[CoffmanStarter]

Monarch calling Danny Boy ... Monarch calling Danny Boy ... Over :}

[Wensleydale]

I never agreed with "Elk 'n Safety".

[Wensleydale]

The Chancellor said that the replacement for the Challenger Battle Tank was proving to be a little dear.

[Buster Hyman]

Illegal immigrants were not welcome on Christmas Island.

[Wensleydale]

...no - I said "Slay" the enemy!

[treadigraph]

Oooops! Sorry chaps, never expected to win...

Thanks Danny, and thanks to Buster for stepping into the breach with an excellent pic!

[Wensleydale]

Jane Doe was on the casualty lists.....

[Wensleydale]

The hunting scene in Quentin Tarantino's remake of Bambi caused some consternation at the local crèche.

[CoffmanStarter]

Moose along ... Nothing to see deer :p

[CoffmanStarter]

NO STALKING ... Well that rules out the majority of the PPRuNe Mil CapCom Crew :}

[Buster Hyman]

Thanks Danny, and thanks to Buster for stepping into the breach with an excellent pic!

treadigraph. This is your win so pop up a pic of your own or feel free to carry on with this & you can call it if you like. Your choice.:ok:

[DirtyProp]

Uh Captain, what was our target again...?

[Hempy]

Hey lads. Take a gander at the huge rack 9 o'clock low!!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

One of WWII's forgotten footnotes: Deer-Day....the Invasion of Lap Land

[Wensleydale]

The RAF finally made it to the 9 o'clock moose.

[ShyTorque]

"Look, you stupid ba$$$rds- you've just vapourised Santa!"

[superq7]

Oh dear......

[NutLoose]

Although the the Airforce were ready to advance, the Armies hart just wasn't in it.

[NutLoose]

RAF have a hart attack

[dazdaz1]

I say chaps!!!!! There's a moose down below giving us a two finger salute.

[CoffmanStarter]

http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2013/march/images/awesome_photos_collected_from_history_09.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

Trust 33 Squadron to Photobomb us :cool:

[Buster Hyman]

Moose: "Adjust Fire. Direction 2500, add 100, left 150, Danger close, out." Christ, what training do these Elves get?

[Pontius Navigator]

Why do they always pick on me to do Stag?

[Danny42C]

"Never had this carry-on when I was posing for Landseer !" :*https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcRnE7KkqretYW9YANlLJaKnQXqL_L3OtMtQC98Yo dwXwFDsIm6XjJB8_49nsEr1YB187ZZO&usqp=CAc (http://www.google.co.uk/aclk?sa=l&ai=CVjVqAcSaVfjhPOX57QberKXYB_2-8d8G7bDAy68Br4vP_YcDCAUQASgFYLuuroPQCqABoOmk_gPIAQeqBCdP0FZ3 TzpfqmsbITMlBPo73gcMoGQ4A36GrRqSvs9yMWL9rjSdUXXABQWgBiaAB63w oiSQBwOoB6a-G9gHAeASl5XDqMDAp4Vj&sig=AOD64_2T0zLmFkbweEy6WtdRjskyBAwa4w&ctype=5&clui=1&ved=0CBUQwg8&adurl=http://www.art.co.uk/products/p10091570/product.htm%3FRFID%3D329165%26ProductTarget%3D105221703087) Monarch of the Glen ... (http://www.google.co.uk/aclk?sa=l&ai=CVjVqAcSaVfjhPOX57QberKXYB_2-8d8G7bDAy68Br4vP_YcDCAUQASgFYLuuroPQCqABoOmk_gPIAQeqBCdP0FZ3 TzpfqmsbITMlBPo73gcMoGQ4A36GrRqSvs9yMWL9rjSdUXXABQWgBiaAB63w oiSQBwOoB6a-G9gHAeASl5XDqMDAp4Vj&sig=AOD64_2T0zLmFkbweEy6WtdRjskyBAwa4w&ctype=5&clui=1&ved=0CBYQww8&adurl=http://www.art.co.uk/products/p10091570/product.htm%3FRFID%3D329165%26ProductTarget%3D105221703087)

[Arm out the window]

Perhaps he wasn't as famous as King Kong, but Sultan Stag was about to distinguish himself by wasting a whole flight of annoying aeroplanes with one flick of his mighty antlers.

[Danny42C]

“C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre.”

[jwcook]

Bambi's revenge.

[Danny42C]

"Must have input the wrong co-ordinates - Syria's thataways !"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

NZ's hunting guides would go to extraordinary lengths to ensure their clients went home with a decent trophy head.

[CoffmanStarter]

"Tally Ho!" ... Oh give us a break ... it's a Deer not a so****g Fox :rolleyes:

[Martin the Martian]

After being put out to pasture by Santa's new technology, Rudolf watched as they flew overhead, and swore that one day revenge would be his.

[Danny42C]

"Look what you've done to my sleigh ! - and it was only on "Third Party!" :(

[Pom Pax]

Just you wait fly boys come Christmas eve I'll drop my load down your chimneys.

[Danny42C]

" You might have waited till I put my tin hat on before you dropped your load !" :*

[NutLoose]

Nooooo.... it can't be Buster, it's got a horn on...

[Danny42C]

"L'après-midi d'un ex-faune", perhaps ?

[NutLoose]

http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2013/march/images/awesome_photos_collected_from_history_09.jpg

[Danny42C]

"If yer knows of a better 'ole, go to it !" :ok:

(with apologies to Bruce Barnsfather and "Old Bill").

[Hempy]

^ or, 'Get the Buck-in-'ere!'

[Danny42C]

"Don't they know that this is a Site of Special Scientific Interest ?"

[Arm out the window]

Send in your filthy Hurricanes all you like, English scum, but as Commander in Chief I tell you, Stag Nation will never surrender!

[treadigraph]

This is your win so pop up a pic of your own or feel free to carry on with this & you can call it if you like. Your choice

Cheers Buster! I'll stick with yours - judging Friday afternoon before I disappear off to the pub (again)...

[622]

"I say, that looks like reindeer!"


..."Yes it does look a bit stormy Hoskins, and I've told you before...call me Sir at work"

[Buster Hyman]

And here I was thinking Trevor had it rough when he got mounted on the Golf Club wall!!!

[Hempy]

The first STOL Caribou trialled under combat conditions.

Remarks: Needs work.

[NutLoose]

Cool, it looks like they have shot down one of those fighters, I can chop off it's prop and hang it on my wall thinks the Stag..

[NutLoose]

Things are heating up alarmingly around here, but we seem to be winning, that must make me a Triumph Stag then...

[Buster Hyman]

Bertie! At my 9 o'clock low...do you think that's your requisition for Antler luggage?

[Danny42C]

"Just my luck to get the 'cookie' !" :*

[CoffmanStarter]

'Velvet Antler calling Danny Boy ... Come in Danny Boy ... Over' :cool:


Got to be worth another go ...

[Danny42C]

CS,

Danny Boy deaf as a post now. Cannot hear pipes calling any more !
(what did you have in mind ?)

D.


CAPTION
_______

"No, no, this isn't Slough ! (cf John Betjeman).

[CoffmanStarter]

Danny ...

This is a long standing leg-pull/banter with our good friend Buster ... who repeatedly slips in the quote from the film 'Where Eagles Dare' ... 'Broadsword calling Danny Boy' ... see pic below :ok:

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/Unknown_zpset0ax2fj.jpeg

Any reference to Danny has no connection to your good self ... honest :)

[Wensleydale]

No 1 Squadron get stuck into a rut again!

[ShyTorque]

Buster (rear half of pantomime reindeer):
"Nutty, for God's sake stop it - it's disgusting back here!"

Nutty (front half of pantomime reindeer):
"Sorry Buster, if you could see what I could see, you'd be farting, too!"

[NutLoose]

Nice shot we've blown one up, venison goulash for a tea tonight.

[jwcook]

http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2013/march/images/awesome_photos_collected_from_history_09.jpg

Many parents regretted taking their kids to see Quentin Tarantino's remake of Bambi.

[Danny42C]

CS,

Foiled again !

D.

CAPTION
_______

"No ! - These are my antlers, not a radio homing beacon !"

[Hempy]

'What in the hell is he doing THERE??'
'No eyed deer.'

[Danny42C]

Hempy,

A winner if ever I saw one !

D.

CAPTION
_______


"Yah ! Missed me !" :ok:

[Buster Hyman]

I just thought I'd pop outside & have a look at the weather. Doris said there were some Hurricanes coming...silly bint! It's clear skies out here.

[Danny42C]

"Never mind - that load of parcels was insured, anyway !"

[Mechta]

"Blackhawk Leader to Blackhawk Five. Was that a hit?"

Blackhawks 2, 3, 4 & 5 (all together): "Repeat please!"

"Blackhawk Leader to Blackhawk Five. Was that a hit?"

"Blackhawk Five to Blackhawk Leader. Negative, it was a deer miss."

[Buster Hyman]

The game is on foot Watson...

[Danny42C]

"I'm too young to die !" :{

[Wensleydale]

The Poacher's new aerobatic sequence was thought by many to be a little over the top.

[NutLoose]

'What in the hell is he doing THERE??'
'No eyed deer.'


"He's still not moving, can't he see there is a war on?"

"Still No eyed Deer"

[Buster Hyman]

Proving that basic training is what you fall back on in a crisis, the Deer hid behind the only bit of Forest left for camouflage

[Danny42C]

"Should've used a Dive Bomber - much more accurate !" (Advt.)

[NutLoose]

"He said turn right at the Stags Head and then start your run, but I'll be buggered if I can see the pub"






..

[Donkey497]

There's a Hoose Loose aboot that Moose......








Hat, coat etc........

[Danny42C]

"I think I'd better apply to be a Protected Species !"

[treadigraph]

OK, looks like a good time to pass judgement... or something like it. Great crop of entries, thanks!


An Hornable Mention in Dispatches to Shy Torque:

Buster (rear half of pantomime reindeer):
"Nutty, for God's sake stop it - it's disgusting back here!"

Nutty (front half of pantomime reindeer):
"Sorry Buster, if you could see what I could see, you'd be farting, too!"

In third place Nutty with a caption right up my street...

"He said turn right at the Stags Head and then start your run, but I'll be buggered if I can see the pub"

A fine second to Pom Pax with:

Just you wait fly boys come Christmas eve I'll drop my load down your chimneys.


And winning by a short head for appealing to my evil sense of humour is Wensleydale with:

The hunting scene in Quentin Tarantino's remake of Bambi caused some consternation at the local crèche.


Well done and you have control sir.

Thanks once again to Danny and Buster!

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played Wensley :D:D:D:D

[Wander00]

Well played, lots of good entries and congrats to those on the podium

[Wensleydale]

Thanks folks! The next competition will be a quick one because I will be away from my computer next week, so judging Sunday PM. Get those entries in early!!!


https://www.warhistoryonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/wwII-funny-14.jpg

[Wander00]

I am the officer, I should have the flowers. You can have the pig. What do you mean you cannot handle a pig.......................

[CoffmanStarter]

What a little wiener you have there Hauptmann :E

[CoffmanStarter]

Ja ... We start up the ME262 here and once EGT stabilises we can join the PPRuNe BBQ Thread :}

[DirtyProp]

"Dear Hans, das Fuhrer ran out of medals, so instead of a useless piece of bronze here is a nice present for you."
"Zee, danke Kaptain. May I name it Adolf?"

[Danny42C]

"Ve haf means of turning you into":


Bratwurst -
[/URL][URL="http://www.facebook.com/purnells.old.folks.sausage"] (http://www.pinterest.com/purnellssausage/)


"Wenn Du aufwachsen bist !"
:ok:http://itsgooo-od.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/Bratwurst-300x166.jpg

[Roadster280]

What are the flowers for, Fritz?

Well, Sir, when you said you were bringing "the pig", I thought you meant your wife.

[NutLoose]

Yah... I practise ze bagpipers, for vhen ve take Scotoland

[NutLoose]

Swinehund!

[NutLoose]

"Bloody stackers, ze only had von brown pigskin glove in stock, so they gave me a kit for ze other von..."

[NutLoose]

"Bloody Stackers, ze ver out of ze homing pigeons, so they gave me this"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Airman on left: "What have you got there?"
Piglet: "I don't know. It started off as a wart on my arse."

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Fritz, mein Schatz! You shouldn't have...."

"Actually, Herr Hauptmann, the flowers are for the pig..."

"...OK. Seems like a fair swap!"

[NutLoose]

"Well if you're not my blind date, one of us is telling porkies.."

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

"Ah Feldwebel, are we expecting some ladies tonight?"

"I was Sir, but it seems they've just cancelled."

"Oh vell; Stuffed Pork again, I guess. I think it's your turn"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Yes, for my birthday, my groundcrew gave me some flowers and this strange looking little puppy. They say it is a French Dachshund.

[NutLoose]

"What's with the pig sir?"
"How else does on carry ones apple?"

[NutLoose]

It's the latest thing from America, they call them Spiderpigs

[Arm out the window]

https://www.warhistoryonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/wwII-funny-14.jpg

"I vas hoping to take him to market, but unfortunately it seems he is going vee vee vee all ze way home."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So little pig, house of bricks 0, Luftwaffe 1.

[treadigraph]

It's no use looking smug mein kapitan, zer little porcine bastard has shat right down zer back of your battledress...

------------------


So Willie, now you finally understandt how we achieve zer terrifying Schtuka howel, ya?

[Danny42C]

"Der Schäferhund Akadamie hat no more Hunde. Will this do instead ?"

[Roadster280]

So, Fritz, hier ist unser secret weapon. Herr Reichsmarschall hat gesagt dass wir ein Spitfire Squadron haben können "when pigs fly".

[Buster Hyman]

Herman received flowers for being runner up in the What to bomb ISIS with competition.

[Buster Hyman]

The Mother of all Boars had some growing up to do...

[Danny42C]

"This little piggie went to market........"

[CoffmanStarter]

https://www.warhistoryonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/wwII-funny-14.jpg

[DirtyProp]

"Kaptain, weren't supposed to be 3? What happened to the other 2?"
"Burp. Sorry, you were saying...?"

[CoffmanStarter]

Orders from Herr Reichsmarschall ... We are to better understand our RAF adversaries by following their customs and traditions ...

Apparently they invite piglets like this to chase around their mess dining rooms before burning pianos ... How are we ever going to win :{

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, Hitler wants it turned into a bomber ASAP!

[Arm out the window]

"Looks like a pig, nein? Can you sqveal like a pig, boy?"

(oompah band strikes up the theme from Deliverance).

[Hempy]

Reichsmarchall Goering, what an honour!'

[Arm out the window]

"Look after Pigger for me..."

[CoffmanStarter]

"Ja ... Das unt little pig that went wee, wee, wee all the way home" ... As Herr Hauptmann shakes his left leg vigorously :E

[ShyTorque]

"Nein, nein, Herr Fawlty! Eeza hamster!"

[Danny42C]

"Little pigs have big ears !"

(Common saying a generation or two ago, meaning: "Be careful what you say in front of the children [or the housemaid], they understand more than you may think !)

Sometimes rendered as: "Pas devant les enfants/la bonne " (on the patronising assumption that the hearer couldn't possibly understand French).

[Pontius Navigator]

Ja, Air Pig is the first pigs to fly 100 missions.





With apologies to Air Pig.

[CoffmanStarter]

Ve shall call him Herr Bowyer :}

[Danny42C]

Care for a chukka of pig-sticking after tiffin, Carruthers old chap what, what ?

[Martin the Martian]

"Those are very fine gloves, mein Kapitan."

"Danke, danke. Made with the very best pig- um..."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Ve haf vays of making you squeal, you know (snigger snigger).

[Buster Hyman]

Zat'll do Pig, Zat'll do...

[Buster Hyman]

Porco Rosso pictured inspecting the front line...

[Buster Hyman]

When Etappenschwein meets Frontschwein

[dazdaz1]

The little ****housen has just done a poop in my pocket.

[Danny42C]

"Babe" thought this was no way to treat a sheep-pig. Little Bo-peep would soon be needing her to help look for her sheep !

[ValMORNA]

I have to carry it as I've already eaten three legs. Tomorrow I go 'the whole hog'.

[Danny42C]

Piggie thinks: "all this publicity is very fine, but I'm ready for my next meal !"

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/59/Sow_with_piglet.jpg/175px-Sow_with_piglet.jpg (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sow_with_piglet.jpg)

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Zis cherman valks into a bar.......

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Vot do you mean, a schweinhund is actually a type of dog? Ze chap at ze petshop didn't say anything about zat!

[Buster Hyman]

No, I said to pose with the Port side of the aircraft dumkoff!

[Danny42C]

"How did you get captured ?".........."Well, he huffed and he puffed and he blew my house down !"

[Buster Hyman]

Few knew that Rod Hull's early career was spent entertaining the wrong troops.

[Danny42C]

"I do hope this chap's not a Fallschirmjäger - I've always been afraid of heights ! Perhaps he'll give me a Jägermeister or two first ? I'll need some Holländischer Mut, that's for sure !"

[Danny42C]

"Oh, nein ! Gott in Himmel ! That's a Stuka behind him ! That's worse ! Perhaps he'll use me as the bomb !"

[NutLoose]

"I said you get the flour and we'll have a schnitzel"

[Buster Hyman]

"Oh, nein ! Gott in Himmel ! That's a Stuka behind him ! That's worse ! Perhaps he'll use me as the bomb !" Nein Fritz! Das schwein ist for ze kerplunk siren on ze Stuka!

[Buster Hyman]

What is that manoeuvre you are performing on that piggy there Heimlich?

[Wensleydale]

As promised, judging before I go away.....it is sad that no-one identified the first award to the Luftwaffe of the "Knights' Cross with Diamonds and Bacon". Also missed was an opportunity to link pilots with the word "Chop"....


However, in 2nd place with Pork Scratchings was Coff with


"Ja ... We start up the ME262 here and once EGT stabilises we can join the PPRuNe BBQ Thread"

But I have to say that the winner is Buster with:


"Nein Fritz! Das schwein ist for ze kerplunk siren on ze Stuka!"


Well done to all who entered!

[NutLoose]

NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


:p

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played Buster :D

Great pic Wensley :ok:

Commiserations Nutty :}

[Danny42C]

Buster,
Congratulations (and for having the grace to acknowledge my invaluable assistance [#300677]...)

Wensleydale,

'Zounds ! And there was I, all ready with Peppa Pig ! And you'd lowered the boom ! (don't you know that Senior Citizens sleep late ?) Have a good trip ! (But you never know, your a/c might have double flame-out long after V1 - there's efficacy in prayer !)

Danny.

[Buster Hyman]

Well, I'm flattered! Cheers Wendy! :ok:

I do acknowledge Danny's "invaluable" assistance with my success story (to be made into a film starring Tom Cruise as the pig), and to the German language, which I absolutely strangled! (I assume 'kerplunk' is a Germanic term...)

I shall provide a piccy tonight AEST in order to accommodate the Fun Police here at work...aka, Stalag 750!

[Buster Hyman]

http://rt.com/files/galleryitem/6d/48/00/00/odessa-7.jpg

[dazdaz1]

Horse..... Last week Mr Putin was my rider, just because I left some manure on the road I've got this dork now.

[CoffmanStarter]

With a pothole that size in the road it must be East Sussex ... but I certainly don't recognise the Town :}

[CoffmanStarter]

"MI6 Priority Broadcast to all Field Agents ... Mission Scrubbed, I say again Mission Scrubbed ... They are all wearing Red Carnations" :O

[CoffmanStarter]

Trotsky ? No a gentle canter will do just fine :ooh:

[NutLoose]

I wish he'd get rid of those flowers, they're not doing my neigh fever any good.

[NutLoose]

"I thought they said if I bring some flowers, i'd get some whores for the night"

[Kiltrash]

Comrade, I know you dont have a vase but dont even think where you are going to plant them ....

[SteveCox]

The reality of Putin's austerity cuts had finally reached the Russian Army, no more sweeping across the north German plain with battalions of tanks, now it was a horse and two milk floats.

[ShyTorque]

"No, it's not Lady Godiva - I just said "Gawd, Ivor!"

[DirtyProp]

Military budget cuts?
Whatcha talking about?

[DirtyProp]

"Where's your rifle, Private?"
"Sorry Sarge, but didn't you tell me last night 'Let's make love, not war'? So, I thought..."

[NutLoose]

Fall back, there's no Crime 'ere

[Danny42C]

"WHOA, Silver !"