Caption competition

[Krystal n chips]

The Chief was rapidly coming to the conclusion that his new Rects team needed to understand Service banter in more detail. Thus when he said the S.Engo's latest edict was to be viewed as arse about face, he never expected them to interpret this as such.

[Milt]

"Someone said that our belts had been hidden somewhere in this contraption. After we find them we should go and get some more to eat!"

[Go Smoke]

Posting the Hartlepool born engineers together had been a logistical c*ckup.
Before anybody could say stop the heli had a full body kit with 'Max Burn' spoilers, Racing Stripes, Neon Underlighting, Blue W*nker Lights, aftermarket 'Phat Ass' jet pipes and an on-board PlayStation.

[BikerMark]

"The maintenance team competed with each other to offer SENGO somewhere to park his bike"

[ShyTorque]

Due to the unseasonal hot weather the coffee bar had a problem with a fly infestation but, as usual, the engineers were able to offer a practical solution.....

[Toxteth O'Grady]

Sorry guys but due to an operational commitment I won't be able to announce the result on the now traditional Sunday evening.

I'll announce the winner at 2300A tomorrow night, after the judge has finished his night on the pop.

Get your final entries in.

:cool:

TOG

[Toxteth O'Grady]

......and if we move to the other camera we'll see the next one-legged kicking contestant slowly making his way up the port side of the aircraft.

:cool:

TOG

[Toxteth O'Grady]

Good effort guys - thirty six entries this week.

Difficult to choose, as no obvious side-splitters (if you'll excuse the pun), and pretty evenly pitched.

In choosing the winner I've gone for subtlety rather than the obvious.

So the runner-up is:

BikerMark for

"MOD now regrets accepting the lowest price bid for the application of the stealthy black anti-radar finish"

and this week's winner is (please step up to accept your prize of 1 Smug Caption, valid 1 week):

Lafyar Cokov For

The builders looked hard for the rotary fire bell - not realising that some joker had stuck it on the tail!!!

:cool:

TOG

[Lafyar Cokov]

Blimey - honoured I am.

Hopefully I'll have access to the 'net this time next week to mark - but if I go suddenly go quiet - I've deployed!!!

Apologies to those of fixed wing persuasion - another rotary one I'm afraid....

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-4/994575/helicopter.jpg

Good Luck....

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

On opening one of the the last few Boeing supplied boxes "TWA" were beamingly happy to see they had been supplied with the very latest, all singing and dancing AH varient:E

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced:E

[ShyTorque]

The public finally gets to see the Chinook Mk 3....

[Incipient Sinner]

It was only when AVM Noddy took over that things really started to go wrong at the DPA.

[lineslime]

President Bush was overjoyed with what westlands had to offer the US Military.

[woof]

The new mark 10 life raft

Designed to put the fun back into ditching.

[adr]

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-4/994575/helicopter.jpg
Never again would anyone, in any procurement agency anywhere in the world, sign a memo that said, "The lowest radar signature is the be-all and end-all of this project. Every other performance measurement must take second place to low observability -- or better yet, invisibility -- in the radar spectrum."

or

Bloggs understood that the recruiting budget had sunk so low that novel approaches were necessary, but when he saw what he was now expected to take with him to career fairs, he PVRed on the spot.

adr

[Darth Nigel]

"No sir, see here, you signed for:
LIFERAFT, TITANIUM, 4-MAN, Qty 1
AIRCRAFT, INFLATABLE, Qty 1"

--or--

"Yeah, it's got a low radar signature, but it's a b@gger if you get a bird strike!"

[Onan the Clumsy]

At least THIS one won't sink.


:ugh:

[Conan the Librarian]

General Turgidson had gone wild, when he had been told that a helicopter was going to be blown up on his airfield...

[stiknruda]

A gift as a leaving present for Flt Lt xxxxxx, who is departing after a major £uck up............

"You've let your Squadron mates down. You've let the Squadron down. You've let the Royal Air Force down and you've let yourself down. Take this as a token of the esteem that we hold you in - because you can easily let this down and repent upon your former career!"

[An Teallach]

The AAC H&SAW Officer has just purchased 6 decoys to be parked outside the mess during official p1ss-ups in case anyone gets trousered enough to fancy a jolly.

[Onan the Clumsy]

This new model is used predominantly in the primary training courses in an effort to assuage the understandable fears of the new recruit during the lessons on autorotation.

[Milt]

"When I was a child I spake as a child and was ecstatic over Thomas the Tank Engine.

Now I am an adult and have flights of fancy with big boys' toys."

[Kolibear]

The three major political parties collaborated in the new Helicopter (Improved) Procurement Programme Opportunity and each party painted 'their' part in their own colour.

[engineer(retard)]

When the aircrew asked for some new toys. DPA met the spec.

[VitaminGee]

Okay, Mr Branson, how far do you think you'll get this time?

VG

[Onan the Clumsy]

In comparison to those used in the build up to D-Day, today's inflatable decoys could be considered lacking in a certain basic utility.

[Kiting for Boys]

The new Bouncy Castle caused quite a stir at Prestwick Infants

[Zoom]

'Bit late on the roundout, Hoskins.'

[Incipient Sinner]

Deception was one of the Principals of War but as age took its toll their Airships made some sadly misguided decisions.

[ACW599]

Recently declassified BRIXMIS imagery has revealed that Frontal Aviation's application of maskirovka techniques to front-line combat helicopters did not always produce the expected results. Soviet attempts to duplicate Barley Grey also appear to have rather surprising consequences in certain applications.

[ZH875]

Thats the last time we ask a Royal Helicopter Pilot to be involved in the design of a new Helicopter.

[Kiting for Boys]

OOh Ooh

That's the last time we ask the wife of a Royal etc etc

[Milt]

"This is the new Popemobile"

[Speedpig]

hmm.... I see no pic....... PC must be cat F again.
Anyone got any tips why this pic won't show?
I can see all previous.
Tks

SP
:mad:

[Onan the Clumsy]

In some ways, it was safer than a normal helicopter. It did after all have two tail rotors...and it never actually left the ground.

[Onan the Clumsy]

I'm sorry about that earlier post. I've just realised it's supposed to be a humourous caption.


How about (and I should have used this last week :( )

"Number one engine missing" etc

[Incipient Sinner]

Is it time for prizes yet, it's getting a little stale??

'Main hazard here seems to be Vortex Rubber Ring'

[Talking Radalt]

In a cunning "front line first" move, the occupants of Main Building secured their contracts for another twenty years by suggesting a way of recycling vast amounts of hot air in a more productive role.

:E

[Circuit Basher]

The QinetiQ boffins finally realised their error in designing the new stealth helo to have 2 tail rotors rotating in opposite directions and redesigned it so that the direction of both was reversed!

[lineslime]

The C/O stopped the painters mid nose art, just before they inserted the Tony Bliar grin, stating "we don't want any friendly fire incidents from our own troops, it's bad enough with the spams".

[Go Smoke]

On 17th April:
Hopefully I'll have access to the 'net this time next week to mark - but if I go suddenly go quiet - I've deployed!!!

Well, it looks like Lafyar Cockov has deployed!

For want of a better idea, can I suggest that thread starter airborne_artist picks the next winner so we can move on.

GS

[airborne_artist]

So it seems Lafyar has deployed just in time to miss not only the Election but also the far more important declaration of the winner of the current round of the caption comp.

So as Returning Officer for the PPrune constituency I declare the result as follows:

With quite a lot of votes:

ZH875 with "Thats the last time we ask a Royal Helicopter Pilot to be involved in the design of a new Helicopter."

With slightly more votes:

Onan with "In some ways, it was safer than a normal helicopter. It did after all have two tail rotors...and it never actually left the ground."

But with the most votes:


An Teallach with "The AAC H&SAW Officer has just purchased 6 decoys to be parked outside the mess during official p1ss-ups in case anyone gets trousered enough to fancy a jolly."

and I therefore declare An Teallach to be the current caption comp. champion and to be the setter of the next challenge.

[An Teallach]

Aw shucks! cheers AA.

I'm afraid I'm a bit busy this weekend and would therefore like to invite anyone with a suitable image to do the honours.

[Onan the Clumsy]

If I might be so bold...

http://www.handlebarclub.org.uk/ted/Ted2000.jpg

[ShyTorque]

Bernard was disqualified from the Jimmy Edwards Memorial Trophy moustache growing competition when he was later discovered in the gents, combing his pubic hair through his epaulettes and over his collar.

[ZH875]

Harry was delighted to hear that Typhun Tranche 3 was cancelled and that the Sopwith Camel was being re-introduced as a cost saving measure.

[Conan the Librarian]

Over a liquid lunch, the Farnborough boffins became convinced that they could create ground based St Elmos fire in the car park.

[Incipient Sinner]

The Station Commander said that the next member of the Station Execs who pulled his moustache would be charged.

[Speedpig]

The Gentlemen residents of Cholmondleigh-cum-Cholmondleigh had decided to start a moustache growing competition while they waited for broadband to be connected to the village.

[Irish Steve]

It used to work as a replacement for the artificial horizon, but since I met m**y I can't get it up on one side any more.

[Darth Nigel]

Representatives of the Ministry of Defence scorned the idea that they might be out-of-touch with the needs of the modern air force.

[Milt]

"WW2 Fighter Pilots' Reunion for those who Twirled the Mo during a scramble"

[Onan the Clumsy]

The debate continued over whether Group Captain Phippsly Montague's moustache was indeed a waste of space...or not?

[STANDTO]

BLIMEY

It looks like Sycamore before a trim

[Onan the Clumsy]

Dinner Ladies were often known to sport a little fuzz on the upper lip, but even so the chaps were growing ever more apprehensive about Mrs Hettersthwaite



Wing Commander Wiggins knew he'd finally have to five up one of his hobbies as his moustache would no longer fit inside his black leather S&M slave hood.



Later that day, Fl/Lt Biffy Caldercott was amazed when he read the letter. It was a mystery to him why he alone had failed the training programme for the Hampden Bomber.

[Conan the Librarian]

The Cold war was over - but Hay fever was still a bit of a bugger for old Jock...

or

Forget the A380 - This is how to get a big sticky into the Pprune forums...

[Kolibear]

When Harry said that he'd had a nubile young filly riding on his handlebars, the rest of the Squadron decided to check for evidence.

[ACW599]

"Right, we've now got a metre each side. So two metres in total, centre-fed, makes a half-wave resonance at 75MHz. There's your standby marker antenna".

[Incipient Sinner]

Since his sideburns were half an inch too long the SWO took Plt Off Cardigan-Fitz-Badlie to task.

[Milt]

"Each claims to be the famous Pilot Officer Prune of WW2 TM who received numerous decorations of The Most Highly Derogatory Order of the Irremoveable Finger."

[Speedpig]

At the Colditz reunion, the former guards enjoyed demonstrating how they had persuaded Flt. Lt. S.N. Ide-Lil**** to pass on the details of the escape plan.

[ACW599]

"It still doesn't look like flapping to equality to me"

[Onan the Clumsy]

http://www.handlebarclub.org.uk/ted/Ted2000.jpg

Thanks for the late entries. For a moment there I thought I'd killed the thread :ugh:


Mentions in dispatches go to...

Conan The Librarian for "Over a liquid lunch, the Farnborough boffins became convinced that they could create ground based St Elmos fire in the car park."

Incipient Sinner for "Since his sideburns were half an inch too long the SWO took Plt Off Cardigan-Fitz-Badlie to task."

Speedpig for "At the Colditz reunion, the former guards enjoyed demonstrating how they had persuaded Flt. Lt. S.N. Ide-Lil**** to pass on the details of the escape plan."


The runner up is...

Kolibear for "When Harry said that he'd had a nubile young filly riding on his handlebars, the rest of the Squadron decided to check for evidence." :8


And the winner is...

Darth Nigel for "Representatives of the Ministry of Defence scorned the idea that they might be out-of-touch with the needs of the modern air force." :ok:


over to you



btw, if anyone wondered, the picture was Ted from The Handlebar Club (http://www.handlebarclub.org.uk)

[Conan the Librarian]

We are down to page two again... Anyone know Darths' whereabouts? If he is on detachmant somewhere obscure or unpleasant, is there a back up plan?

Champing at the bit,

CTL

[Darth Nigel]

Well, I'd like to thank me Mum, me long-suffering wife, our cats (except Tiddles for obvious reasons...)

And now, on with the show.
Presented for your captioning pleasure:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v412/DaWiff/phalcon_c1.jpg

[16 blades]

"Trim's a bit nosey today, loadie!"

[Go Smoke]

All agreed that ZG was a bit of a dog to fly

or

The fitters had made a great job of the comedy nose but hadn't quite got the ears right yet

[Thud_and_Blunder]

"Look Bloggs, it might say "EC135" in your shiny new ATPL(H) but for the umpteenth time I am not going to let you try to hover this baby"

"do you really think we should've contracted out the new noses to the same people who build SSNs?"

[Oggin Aviator]

.... just pop a viagra in the fuel tanks and it'll straighten up ....

[Onan the Clumsy]

"No! it's MY turn now. You've already scraped the bottom off."


===


If they had another, they could paint them both tan with a red nose. It'd be a ...matched... colour scheme

[ShyTorque]

"Guess what! They've just announced we're not getting the radar!"

[Onan the Clumsy]

"Note the arrowslits on the side. This was the height of military technology in the thirteenth centuary"

===

At last: A cockpit large enough for Squdron Leader Higginthorpe's legendary appendage

===

The US Air Force finally came up with an economical method of recycling those excess WWII era sheets of plywood

===

The early concorde prototype had some limitations when the nose was raised to the supersonic flight position

===

The squadron looked on, convulsing in mirth. What a merry jape this was. Bets were still being taken on how long it would take the crew to find the door.

===

The new canard wing on the 737 was not a great commercial success.

===

"This is a lot of fun" said LAC Arthur Hegginbotham as he searched out a suitable mounting point for his home made floats.

===

As Ricky the Boeing engineer considered his company's plan to discontinue the eyebrow windows, he couldn't help but think how wrong it was for them to tamper with a graceful and proven design like that.

===

It seems so obvious in hindsight that combining the Royal Air Force and the Royal Navy could only end in tears.

[Incipient Sinner]

Is it just possible that Onan has a little too much time on his hands!

:E Caption to follow when I've finished this bottle.

[Onan the Clumsy]

The recruiting drive was designed to attract female recruits, but for some mysterious reason seemed to also attract a fair share of darts players.

===

The photographer had managed to breath new life into that old gag of making a V above someone's head with a couple of fingers.

===

The new airborne tankers required constant attention be paid to the elevator trim.

===

Mabel thought that black bit on the front looked good, but was it a waste of space or what?

===

The initial tests of the Virgin Sleeper Seats (tm) were not a great success.

===

It was embarassing, but secretly, the new recruits welcomed the rubber nose guard.

===

Inflatable decoys had been around since before D-Day, but you still had to keep an eye on the pressure gauge during deployment.

===

Even for the weekly beer run, successfully taxiing this aircraft was a prerequisite to being given the keys to the squadron's 1963 Cadilac Coupe deVille.

===

Tommy Cooper's duck trick had failed again, this time with alarming consequenses.

[Incipient Sinner]

The painters and finishers were NOT happy. They'd never have enough shiny paint left over to do all the shoes they'd promised to.

[Conan the Librarian]

In tribute the the French Cyrano radar in the Mirage, the Americans introduced the Cyrano de Bergerac.

[An Teallach]

The experiment with eco-friendly bio-ethanol fuel had some strange side-effects on the airframe, a phenomenon which came to be known as "The Durante Effect."

[Conan the Librarian]

Flight testing of the revised A380 tailcone and APU housing continued today...

[Milt1]

"Do you smell what it smells or is it you?"

[ACW599]

"Are you sure the drawings for that last SEM were right?"

or:

"You're right. Something funny must have happened on the round-out".

[adr]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v412/DaWiff/phalcon_c1.jpg
Prune learned two lessons from putting up his paper suggesting a rapidly deployable unit to erase erroneous runway and apron markings. 1. Only send spoofs to people with a sense of humour. 2. After putting up a spoof, don't go on leave long enough for the project to become unstoppable in your absence.

adr

[Kolibear]

As soon as the Test Pilot saw the big, black, shiny nose, he knew that the aircraft would be a dog.

[Darth Nigel]

One day more.

I will judge this one tomorrow (18 May) sometime after 17:00 EST (GMT-5).

N

[Onan the Clumsy]

No need: After all, you have a picture that can sniff out its own winning entry.

===

A compromise was in order once the Disney empire finally came to the conclusion that the Mickey Mouse conversion was both financially unsupportable and aerodynamically unfeasible.

===

The design had an obvious flaw. One teeny ladder would never be enough for all those extra passenger seats.

===

The starting gates for this year's Grand National was contraversial to say the least.

===

The transformer was stuck half way. No longer a 707, but not yet Thundergod, Chief Warlord of the Universe

===

Wrong aircraft and the men underneath were so embarassed. They had misread the paperwork and brought the trick ears, not the matching trick noses.

===

The Mother in Law section had been added on as an afterthought. Perhaps as a consequence, complaints were still being received regarding the uncomfortable narrowness of the seat.

[Milt]

"Did it bleed?"

[Speedpig]

Having stuck 16 Porta-loos together, the sappers were wondering if the septic tank really was big enough.

[Darth Nigel]

All right, ENDEX ENDEX STOP STOP STOP whatever...

This fine picture of a Phalcon C1 from Israel Aircraft Industries
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v412/DaWiff/phalcon_c1.jpg
More info (http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/row/phalcon.htm)

First, a special Judge's Award to
Onan the Clumsy who made some 26 entries, some of which were even funny.

And now, Dr. Pprune's Honorable Medical Mentions for:
Mike Jenvey
"OK, OK, you're right, testicular elephantitis IS contagious....."
--and--
Oggin Aviator
.... just pop a viagra in the fuel tanks and it'll straighten up ....

And a mention for closest to Darth's Original Intent to
ACW599
"Are you sure the drawings for that last SEM were right?"


And now, the moment you've all been waiting for (no, not the first annual sighting of the Best Dining In Night thread)...

The winner by a nose:
Onan the Clumsy
Tommy Cooper's duck trick had failed again, this time with alarming consequences.

:ok:

[Onan the Clumsy]

Gosh I hardly know what to say, but I'm sure I could come up with something...once I get back to the office


It's a two round competition this week

For the main round we have...
http://www.homesweethomefront.co.uk/images/jpeg/hshf_img_home_guard_exercise.jpg




and for a tie breaker...
http://www.homesweethomefront.co.uk/images/jpeg/hshf_img_makedoandmend.jpg


With the winner to be anounced on Monday

[16 blades]

1st pic:

"Shhhh! Be vewy vewy quiet! We're hunting wabbits!"

2nd pic:

"Go through your wardrobe - just stay clear of the lion and the witch"

16B

[Circuit Basher]

Capt Mainwaring from back:

'Wilson, you and Jones go and find out what that noise was. Don't tell them your names, though!'

TieBreak:

Don't forget, you can always sew a patch over those nasty little stains on your unmentionables!

[airborne_artist]

#1

Captain Mainwaring "Godfrey, come back here, now - I said "We are going to a dance""

#2

"I don't think I can match that shade with Bisto"

[VitaminGee]

First pic.:

"Gordon Brown said that once we've finished at No 10, the next target is Main Building!"

Tiebreaker:

"Keep waxing chaps, the Goons'll never rumble us in this clobber."

or

New Look prepare to launch this summer's Portillo Collection.

VG

[Incipient Sinner]

It was tough logistically but they managed to get the whole of the current Army in 1 photograph.

The new SA80 A3 was reputed to be more reliable than its predecessor and was already battle proven.

Tie breaker:

Everyone liked the new uniforms, the Army were used to their green and the Navy just loved their fetching pink.:E

[treadigraph]

Main pic:

The squad's advance was stymied after some rotter stole the rest of the picture

Tie-breaker:

"Make do and mend" was good wartime advice, but Cassandra was darned if she was going to get to work with the rubber solution on one of Lionel's used prophylactics...

[Milt]

#1

"Front rank down ---- Rear rank fire"

#2

"Wish someone would invent pantyhose"

[BikerMark]

No. 1 "These cowboy builders don't like it up 'em, Mr. Mainwaring"

No. 2 "Economic recession really begins to bite in Narnia"

[Speedpig]

First pic:
Bert "Quick lads, I need to find my wardrobe"

Second pic
..... too late...
Doris was wondering what on earth Bert would be doing with these particular items in his wardrobe.


Now, I know I'm going to win this, but regrettably I have to make a very nasty trip and will be away for 10 days.
Should my entry be selected as the very, very best, I would like to nominate Conan the Librarian to assume my mantle (he'll find it in Bert's wardrobe) and select the next pic (stitch up)

[Tanewha]

"Why are we all bent over?!"

"Silk and nylon for the women will be put on hold until the needs of the airmen have been met."

[Darth Nigel]

#1: Donald Rumsfeld angrily denied allegations that the US was having trouble meeting manpower and equipment goals in Iraq.

#2: "You've been messing around with that one-legged bint again, haven't you?"

[Talking Radalt]

Pic 1: Although greatly admired around the world, some felt BBMF were taking things too far with their autentic period CCS.

Pic 2: With the weekend fast approaching, Lt Bloggs wondered where "Loretta" should wear "her" new RN logo badge.

[joe2812]

Pic 1 - After spending so much of their youth hunched up infront of a computer, the damage done to their spines was beginning to show.

Or

The latest budget cuts come into effect and are beginning to become more and more apparant.

Pic 2 - I can't think of one :(

[ACW599]

No 1:

"Blimey, Sarge, why don't we just buy some mousetraps?"

No 2:

"Herbert dear, I don't mind wearing the green cardy if it turns you on. But I really do draw the line at your flying-boot fetish".

[VitaminGee]

Pic 1

The PPRuNe hierarchy complete phase 2 of the Moderators Course
(shame about hyd3failure's digs)!

Pic 2 - refer back to previous post

VG

[TD&H]

Not a suggested caption but:

What do I have to do to see the pics?:confused:

[Onan the Clumsy]

I think Jerry got them :(

I'll see if I can't get them back for the winner announcement...


Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhh! (http://www.homesweethomefront.co.uk)



Apologies, but due to very high bandwidth www.homesweethomefront.co.uk is currently off-line.

We must have blown them up :E

[adr]

Picture 1: homesweethomefront.co.uk administrators respond to reports of excessive hits on two particular image files.

Picture 2: Onan the Clumsy perfects his disguise for his mission to infiltrate the homesweethomefront.co.uk server room in order to reset their bandwidth-this-month counter.

adr

[Onan the Clumsy]

(very good adr, but received after the deadline :} )

Drum roll please...........


Incipient Sinner Pots an easy soft ball with the wry “Everyone liked the new uniforms, the Army were used to their green and the Navy just loved their fetching pink”


Mentions in dispatches are announced for:

Biker Mark for "Economic recession really begins to bite in Narnia"

VitaminGee for "Keep waxing chaps, the Goons'll never rumble us in this clobber."

Circuit Basher for “Wilson, you and Jones go and find out what that noise was. Don't tell them your names, though!”




Some sort of a gong for Darth Nigel for #1: Donald Rumsfeld angrily denied allegations that the US was having trouble meeting manpower and equipment goals in Iraq.

#2: "You've been messing around with that one-legged bint again, haven't you?"



A gong with a bit of ribbon for Talking Radalt for the rather amusing: Pic 1: Although greatly admired around the world, some felt BBMF were taking things too far with their authentic period CCS.

Pic 2: With the weekend fast approaching, Lt Bloggs wondered where "Loretta" should wear "her" new RN logo badge.



And for successfully tying together the two pix with reasonably amusing lines, thereby setting the requirements for all upcoming caption competitions:

A gong with a bit of ribbon in a walnut box presented personally at Buck House for Speedpig First pic:
Bert "Quick lads, I need to find my wardrobe"

Second pic
..... too late...
Doris was wondering what on earth Bert would be doing with these particular items in his wardrobe.


And seeing as he had to “go away for a few days” ahem…it’s over to Conan The Librarian

[ShyTorque]

All I ever saw was two pictures of red cross parcels! :{

[Conan the Librarian]

Evening all,

By Golly, Piggy will be pleased. He is in Florida on "holiday". Truth is that getting his haemorrhoids fixed. but this will make his happiness complete.

Caught me completely off track though, so give me an hour or so to find something to get your teeth into.

Back by 2000Z or thereabouts.


Conan.

And here is a picture that I feel may give rise to some wheely good suggestions. According to Speedpig, the winner gets a bunch of grapes, so start competing!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg

PS if this one has been done in the past milleniium, please advise and I shall have another pic in a flash.

Marvellous.... same routine as normal and it is hsowing a hyperlink rather than the picture. Looking at prob now, but any cybergeeks out there, go to alert 5

Conan

[Guern]

"The Budget for Die Hard 4 was a lot less than Bruce had expected"

:D

[Conan the Librarian]

And after a false start, all competitors are called back to the starting grid, whilst Conan gets his act together....

Could anybody be kind enough to pick up the baton?

Can email pic if link cannot be picked up

Gracias.

[adr]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg
The Board of Enquiry later determined that the boss's love of snap inspections had crossed the line into clinical obsession.

adr

[Conan the Librarian]

Thanks ADR - much appreciated. You saved the day.

and my own offering


"The opening of Liverpools John Lennon Airport was on a theme of local culture"

Conan

[Darth Nigel]

"OK mate, I see the problem now. Land and we'll fix it cheap!"


"Some things, it turns out, were easier in the Wokka"


"The Afghan Air National Guard rehearse for the annual parade and show"


"TSA agents intercept yet another lost GA aircraft heading for the White House"


"**** it, do we have to file an AIRPROX?"

[wildwolf]

This years 'Worlds Strongest Man' contest had an interesting new event.

[Guern]

Even Michael thought his latest fly drive package might be a bit ambitious

[Onan the Clumsy]

In as much as the car was stationary, the new Iranian punishment for parking on a double yellow line was messy, though in some ways appropriate.

[adr]

You're welcome, Conan!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg
"Not everyone used the term 'breakthrough' to describe joining the practice of Storobbing with the concept of just-in-time."

adr

[ShyTorque]

Fer Christ's sake Bill, just THROW the bloody thing, will yer!

[ACW599]

"Well, if this doesn't get me in the Guinness Book of Records for the largest hand-launched model aircraft ever, I don't know what will".

[Talking Radalt]

In launching the Piper skyward with a graceful over-arm lob, Bernie proved the biggest tossers do indeed drive BMWs.

[Lafyar Cokov]

Hey - I've found a computer!!!!

"The latest 'Chav' styling produced some truly ridiculous car spoilers"

[Milt]

" How long do I hold this up?"

[Onan the Clumsy]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg


The airport was a small but friendly place. Sometimes it even seemed as if they had the courtesy car ready before you landed.

===

After the initial successes, the TSA soon extended its check for wheel well stowaways to the GA fleet.

===

Even though Bob had been an instructor for over a year now, he still felt an extreme reluctance to sign off his students for their first solo.

===

For months now he'd tried to get close to this shy diminutive pilot. At least this way he had a good view of her flaps.

===

As Frédéric-Auguste Bartholdi drove to the meeting to pitch his idea, he suddenly realised that a woman and a torch would make a much more appropriate Statue of Liberty.

[Incipient Sinner]

After the nose wheel and port main, pulling down the final gear leg was going to be easy.

...or thinking about it another way.

Now the starboard main was finally stowed, he only had two more to do before the budget airlines aircraft could climb away.

[ACW599]

"You've nicked my bl*ody GPS again. Come back down AT ONCE".

[adr]

"While they were unenthusiastic about Tracey Emin's move into performance art, most critics agreed that she'd shown resolve and commitment in the bodybuilding regime she'd undertaken to prepare for this performance."

adr

[ACW599]

The advent of tyre-pressure gauges with digital readout brought about a significant change in the checking procedure, which had hitherto been carried out prior to flight.

[treadigraph]

I liked the advert the appeared in the Daily Telegraph the day after the story with this pic was originally published...

"Audi - when you've got a plane to catch"

[airborne_artist]

After the initial testing phase, Dr Piper realised that raising and lowering the undercarriage would be easier to do from inside the aircraft.

[Onan the Clumsy]

"Gregory's cry of triumph at winning the race was short lived. Unfortunately, his car was a lot faster than he realised.'


(you have to think about that one)

===

and the old...

"It seemed like such a merry prank at the time until 'poof!' ...'Damn those speed cameras!' "

===

"Viewing the photo, the police were confused how exactly to distribute the speeding fines"

===

"Slowly the photographer began to realise how difficult this shoot was going to be. Perhaps if the aeroplane was moving..."

===

"This rare picture of the car turning into the aircraft shows that deep down, the Transformers (TM) have a human heart."

[Conan the Librarian]

"The Singleton from the 2005 Kwik-Fit display team captured here, rehearsing the spectacular "mirror" Tyre change manouver"

and in the same vein (You can guess where I have been today can't you?)

"Sniff - Think your tracking is out mate..."

or

The seller refused to part company with his beloved aircraft until the cheque had cleared

[Onan the Clumsy]

"Withe the switch from running, cycling and swimming to running, driving and flying, the triathlon had become a lot less grueling, though the changovers were certainly more exciting."

===

"Marketing student Jars Andersen knew that if he could pull this off, he'd have a job for life with Heineken."

===

"A stray thought entered the mind of aircraft owner Paul Sowersby. 'The next one will have floats.' "

===

"It could have turned out much much worse, but fortunately they were both traveling in the same direction."

[BikerMark]

"Concerns are expressed about the privatisation of runway calibration"

[ACW599]

Keil Kraft's chief designer was pleased with his latest product but wondered whether it was entirely suitable for mass production.

[Onan the Clumsy]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg

"If you think retracting the gear is tough, wait till you see him operate the control surfaces"

===

"The instant egress system was a resounding success...yet a little voice was telling Bob that he should have arranged to have a copilot on this test flight"

===

"Appearing out of nowhere, a car and an airplane spoiled the filming of one of the most important scenes of The Life of Moses"

[ShyTorque]

"Tower, this is Charlie Foxtrot, negative - we're still not visual with the follow-me car"

[Milt]

"Just a little bit faster and its engine should start."

[Oggin Aviator]

Branson's latest venture - trying to beat the "non stop round the world carrying an aeroplane" record, held by "steel armed Bob" of Bognor - was in danger of failure when Sir Richard realised he'd forgotten to put any deodorant on that morning.

[Gingerbread Man]

Geoff's friends said that it was one of those practical jokes that seemed like a good idea at the time.

[Lafyar Cokov]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg

A picture of Action Man in his new 'Model Audi' - and in the distance you can see a Piper with an undercarriage problem!

[adr]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y192/zorbathegeek/sundries/altgear.jpg
We at Bloggs Air School pride ourselves that our students are able to confront realistic emergency situations in a controlled environment. Here is student Mrs Maxine O'Whatsthatsmell (67) being given an opportunity to practice her "two greens" drill.

adr

[ShyTorque]

"Sorry mate, I ordered a pepperoni and you're too late now - I said eight o'clock latest."

[Conan the Librarian]

Well captioneers, we have hit page two of the forum and that is a sure sign that it is getting time to hand out the honours. I shall be back to adjudicate at some point around 2000Z tomorrow. (Tue)

Thank you all for making me laugh so hard and congratulations on a goodly batch of mirth and merriment. All that I can say for now, is that you are a bunch of shining wits.

See you all on the morrow for prize day.

TTFN,

Conan the Librarian

[helmet fire]

This time, reach up through and tickle his ar5e, you simply wont believe the pitch rate these things are capable of................

[16 blades]

"Step on it driver - I've got a plane to catch!"

[SASless]

It sure is easy to pick out the flight surgeon in a crowd!

[Conan the Librarian]

I wonder how far it would reach if we could put all of the caption comp responses end to end? (Even just Onans’ for that matter) By my reckoning this round has attracted 62 fine entries as of 1850Z and yes, it is “Pin the tail on the Donkey” time.

Several mentions in dispatches –

Onan the Clumsy for the prodigious output and for such gems as:

As Frédéric-Auguste Bartholdi drove to the meeting to pitch his idea, he suddenly realised that a woman and a torch would make a much more appropriate Statue of Liberty.

And

For months now he'd tried to get close to this shy diminutive pilot. At least this way he had a good view of her flaps

Guern, for being quick off the mark with this offering

"The Budget for Die Hard 4 was a lot less than Bruce had expected"

Adr for upholding the cynicism of us all with

The Board of Enquiry later determined that the boss's love of snap inspections had crossed the line into clinical obsession.

As returning officer for the Fraggle Rock constituency, I hereby declare, that the first three places in reverse order are as follows:

3rd Place. Onan the Clumsy

Even though Bob had been an instructor for over a year now, he still felt an extreme reluctance to sign off his students for their first solo.

Runner up. Milt

"Just a little bit faster and its engine should start."

And the winner of this round, isssssssss……

ShyTorque

“Fer Christ's sake Bill, just THROW the bloody thing, will yer!”

Over to you ShyTorque get your scrapbook out for the next piccy!

Thanks and regards to all fellow sufferers,

Conan the Librarian

[ShyTorque]

Photo on its way asap. :O

[Onan the Clumsy]

How about:

"As Andrew peered eagerly through the windshield he began to realise that an approach through the overcast of a grey cloud to a grey aircraft carrier set against the backdrop of a grey sea was not going to be easy at all."





Oh I'm sorry. You haven't posted the pic yet. :}

[Onan the Clumsy]

A rare photograph of John Major's great grandfather serving in the Army of the Confederacy.

===

Environmentalists use an updated version of "A picture of a polar bear in a snowstorm" to elaborate on their concerns regarding pollution.

===

In one of the less well thought out cost cutting measures of World War 2, the RAF discontinued black and white reconnaisance photography in favour of grey only.

[Milt]

The Emperor most definitely does not have any clothes on!!

[airborne_artist]

"and so the Air Vice Marshall said "Does my bum look big in this?""

[Kolibear]

CFI " Well done PO Prune, you have successfully achieved a wheels up landing. Unfortunately, wheels-up means 'wheels still inside wings' as opposed to 'why has the world turned green and why can't I open the canopy?' "

[ShyTorque]

Help!

I need some assistance on posting the pic please. I've done the ususal search thing but no luck yet.

I know I have to get someone to host it but how's it done ? Thanks in advance.

ShyT

[adr]

ShyTorque: scroll back in this thread to 19th December 1211Z for three posts with instructions.

adr

[treadigraph]

And if you need someone to host it for you, send me a PM...

[ShyTorque]

Thanks for the advice. Just got meself a web host; so a first attempt, Testing testing, 1-2-3...

In view of all the recent controversy about "tickets for us but not for them", here's a photo of a local car rushing to an emergency:

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/04_15_29.jpg

[Onan the Clumsy]

The picture that appeared in some newspapers was designed to stir up controversy but was revealed leter to be a fake.

"It's quite obviously a montage" remarked a member of the local forensic team "Look how the word POLICE is written backwards.".

[snafu]

Sqn Ldr Crumbly-Biscuit was arrested by the DHE Police after causing £2000-worth of improvements to his Married Quarter.

[Onan the Clumsy]

The new police hovercraft was quite a hit with the force and showed excellent potential..until, that is, it encountered its first brick wall.

===

As Burberry became less popular on Chavington Estates, a new and arguably smarter paint scheme was co-opted by the younger element of the townsfolk.

===

Sergeant Jackson chewed his moustache pensively. His SWAT team was in place and alert and he knew it was only a matter of time before "some little chav bastid" took the bait.

===

The dawn swoop had started out well enough, but all his colleagues had known that Constable Clackthwaite would find it difficult to arrest the Widow "Chesty" Chesterton, once the handcuffs were in place.

===

Sergeant Grumbleton had snapped up the offer of "a wonderful new post" and it was only later that he realised it was in fact a lamp post.

===

On reflection, he thought he had done a wonderful job of parking, especially considering how many he'd had at the annual Policemans' Ball the preceeding night.

[wildwolf]

Constable FP51DHE thought the new Police personalised reg plate scheme was a quality idea.

[Go Smoke]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/04_15_29.jpg

New Labours policy to reduce the road death toll demanded that all pursuits be undertaken on the pavement.
One upside was that it made parking easier.

or

Claims of falling entry standards were magnified by the new covert surveillance teams blatant inability to grasp the concept.

[Circuit Basher]

PC252 Lesbeavenue thought that disguising the radar speed trap as a yucca plant was his best idea yet. Unfortunately, there was a slight flaw in his plan.... !!

[Onan the Clumsy]

No doubt about it. That road sign was well and truly NICKED!

[Incipient Sinner]

Those illegal double yellow line painters would be along sometime and this time the cops would be waiting. :suspect:

[Lafyar Cokov]

The American Exchange police post was going well until the driving phase... an apparant misunderstanding of the term driving on the 'Pavement' led to the deaths of 14 innocent pedestrians.

[Onan the Clumsy]

The little thugs were giving the Police a warning this time. Next time the car would be well and truly hidden in the back yard behind the coal shed.

===

As participants in the Free Patrol Car program, The local Police made a attempt to disprove the myth that FORD stood for Found On Road Daily

===

The actors found a safe place to take a break whilst the American Producer and the English Director argued over whether the show should be called Zed Cars or Zee Cars.

===

The first of the new cars delivered to the covert operations unit was not a great success.

===

How slowly the minutes ticked by as Constable Blaylock waited in vain for the approach of the two wheeled Piper.

[Onan the Clumsy]

Meanwhile, as Sergeant Grimes was upstais giving Mrs. Anderton a right old seeing too, the coalmine went on strike, and what had earlier been a clear road became solid parking for as far as the eye could see. Poor old Sergeant Grimes :(

[Talking Radalt]

After daring to decorate the walls of his quarter in a non-standard colour, Sgt Bloggs was sent a subliminal reminder of the short link between those from whom he rented and those offering a night in the cells.

(The answer's there on a plate!;) )

[SASless]

"Gee Inspector, great idea you had to hide the speed camera in the car....they will never see it there!"

[Milt]

Covert surveillance of an errant lamp post. Your taxes at work.

[Lafyar Cokov]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/04_15_29.jpg

After breaking down Mr Cuddleswaith's front gate in a mistaken arrest-op, the police had promised to provide a cost-effective, part-time replacement until the original could be fixed.

[Milt]

My car dresses up in drag every week end.

[c-bert]

ECILOPs Aware......

[tonkatechie]

If that's a personalised number plate (DHE) are we seeing the introduction of Married Quarters Police?
No parking on the grass, clean up after the dog, stop your kids nicking next doors gate, keep the noise down, stop flicking the 'V's at jets in the circuit...

[Lafyar Cokov]

The chief constable responded after the local population had asked for more beat policemen patrolling the neighbourhood's pavements.

[Onan the Clumsy]

The police were having difficulty recruiting, but the addition of the blue lights certainly stirred some interest amongst the local Chavs.

"If only the uniform had more Bling" mused Chief Superintendent Snodgrass one day over a cup of tea in the nick canteen "maybe the little numbers on the shoulders could be replaced with four inch high medallions."

"Good idea" responded his companion, a petite little wpc "but you'd have to make them all PC 1"

[Speedpig]

Nothing to do with the comp, but Onan, your mail box is full (Can't send you a PM), dread to think with what, but looking at your posts, it's probably messages of condolences.
Just wanted to thank you for selecting my entry for the last but two comps as bestest.
Rgds SP

[Kolibear]

"I'm bored" thought Polly the Police FordFocus, "If I stare at this lamp post long enough, I wonder if it will turn into a goat?"

[adr]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/04_15_29.jpg
It wasn't only aviators who had problems with unmanned vehicles. When the uplink failed, this car proceeded directly to postcode FP5 1DH and began sniffing the pavement for traces of E.

adr

[Onan the Clumsy]

Note the parking position: This is actually one of the new Police Unwomanned Vehicles.

[Darth Nigel]

Used to be you only had to knick a parking bollard to impress your mates after a night on the p!ss.


--or--


The battle of wills continued -- PC Jobsworth had clearly signalled the lamp-post to move, and he was bl@@dy well going to wait there until it obeyed him.

[Onan the Clumsy]

You all might laugh about wpc Pamela Pemberton parking on the footpath, but if you look closely, you'll see she's exactly parallel to the kerb.

===

This early on a Sunday morning, the only place Sergeant Griswold could get some cedominaphine for his terrible hacking cough was the local metamphetamine lab.

===

Ever since FP52 DHE had been written off in that horrible, horrible crash, FP51 DHE had been feeling ever so lonely.

[Lafyar Cokov]

While looking at the view in my rear view mirror I couldn't understand why the police car parked on the pavement's number plate had been written back to front!!

[Onan the Clumsy]

While looking at the view in my rear view mirror I couldn't understand why the police car was parked on the pavement, then I remembered how in the mirror everything was reversed.

===

In some ways, mused PC Plumlett, the accomodation he had been assigned by the local constabulary were appropriate for his job as Police driver (level 1). His house had no porch, and his car was certainly no Porsche.

He could hardly wait for the results of the caption competition to be announced so that he could get on with the next picture.

[Milt]

"Strange - It's been parked there unattended for two hours now and the wheels haven't been nicked yet. Locals say it usually only takes about ten minutes."

[SASless]

Plod, recently being promoted to motorized patrol, just could not break his foot patrol habits.

[VitaminGee]

Polly thought to herself: "I may be a panda, but that's no excuse for that Renault Scenic to masquerade as a dog!"

[ShyTorque]

Sorry for the delay - I felt we had a slow start on this one.

Runner up is Onan with:

"You all might laugh about wpc Pamela Pemberton parking on the footpath, but if you look closely, you'll see she's exactly parallel to the kerb."

It WAS a WPC!

But Lafyar Kokov just wins it with:

"The chief constable responded after the local population had asked for more beat policemen patrolling the neighbourhood's pavements."

Because he'll never know how near the truth he is.
The photo was actually taken outside our chip shop. Need I say more?

Lafyar Kokov, Thanks - and over to you.

[Lafyar Cokov]

Blimey - I am honoured to be awarded this amazing citation, I would like to thank my Fath.......

Sorry...

OK - to keep the PC world happy - and to ensure that anyone who looks at pprune at work is fired......try this one without mentioning the word/words "bird-strike":


http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-4/994575/Birdstrike.JPG

[SASless]

"I say Bloggs, that is not quite what I meant when I said I wanted to see a Split 'S' !"

[adr]

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-4/994575/Birdstrike.JPG
Melanie had been sitting astride the other end of the aircraft, but after the APU had run for a couple of minutes she suddenly jumped forward to the nose.

-or-

Melanie hadn't expected to see anyone on the pan that early in the morning, and was horrified to see that Prune had a camera. It was back to the washing machine from now on.

-or-

Melanie was not the brightest avionics technician Racal had ever sent to the station. As she refitted the radome, she began to wonder why, if everything else was a FOD hazard, she'd been allowed to keep her shoes on.

-or-

PPRuNe meets ARRSE.

-or-

Slide 26 from the new perception test. Male aircrew candidates must recognise the presence of an aircraft within 2.7 seconds, and the presence of a face within 3.6 seconds.

(And these are the ones I didn't reject because they were too vulgar!)

adr

[ShyTorque]

Aircraft? Where the hell is an aircraft?
--------------------------------------------------

"Very funny Bloggs - but when we were over the beach and I said fly up that big valley, that's NOT the one I was originally looking at!"

----------------------------------------------------

Or......

"Now THAT'S what I call a ring sight!"

[Conan the Librarian]

Stop drill THAT!

[Milt]

"The ultimate Fifinella." (female gremlin)

[Onan the Clumsy]

"Now THAT'S what I call a ring sight!" Well that's it then, I think this round of the competition is over and ShyTorque's the winner

:ok:

[airborne_artist]

Melanie shows why the Air Force Board will never adopt UAVs

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

P1 to P2 - Set flaps for take off

[Conan the Librarian]

Carrot... Donkey.... errr

Remember the Blue note with the Hunter? At above mach.6 this one sounds like a kazoo

[Onan the Clumsy]

"NOW can you find my clitoris?" :*

[Talking Radalt]

"I know I said 'flaps to landing' but......."

[VitaminGee]

Can't beat Conan's kazoo :D , but:

"Sir, the dynamic aperture seems to be OK but wouldn't the static vents work better on the sides?"

[Conan the Librarian]

The new HUD proved popular with crews

must go and put something in my tea...

cheers,

Conan

"The Utterly Butterly Team decided that the combination of Stearmans and wing walkers need an update to better reflect modern tastes"

or, maybe and

"It is quite safe really - above 80 kts and she sticks to the canopy"


Nope - that stuff in the tea just isn\'t working yet...

back later,

Conan

"The Harmony Hairspray girl, with her "Fly away" hair hadn\'t quite read the small print in her contract"


Somebody drag me away from here - PLEASE!!!

Conan

[SASless]

"Now sweets...when I said the Sun don't shine from your butt...."






As Hoagy said....."Here's looking at you Kid!"

[Conan the Librarian]

With her long legs folded, it was shown that Buccaneer Brenda would have fitted in the deck lift of the Ark Royal after all.

[Onan the Clumsy]

An early evolutionary backwater in the development of the variable geometry wing.

[Darth Nigel]

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-4/994575/Birdstrike.JPG


"Complaints of low-flying over the strip club may have some basis in fact", a lawyer for the MoD later stated.


Plans to take a similar picture with a Geordie lass were shelved, because the Herc was on it's way to somewhere sandy.


But I agree, either the "kazoo" or the "ring sight" should be declared winners :cool: :E

[Circuit Basher]

'Now, Bloggs, when I said round out at elephant height, I think you were a bit distracted by the view outside the cockpit. Follow me through with this next exercise....' ;)

[Go Smoke]

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-4/994575/Birdstrike.JPG

over the RT
Pilot - "Fer christ sake lads drop your c0cks and grab some chocks, I need to shut down!"

or

all of a sudden the new modifications enabled the stude pilots to fly with their left hands.
Though the PIO's had to be seen to be believed.

or

From the time he'd mounted his bird it had been a hard fight.
With two fully loaded underbody hard points and pulling with all his might, joystick shaft slick and sticky in his hand, the G had come on achingly hard.
He gasped as he saw his target in the bore sight then, pulling harder, he grunted as he shot his deadly load – “bang on”, this one was going right up the tail pipe.
He watched his cargo stream away as the stick jumped in his hand and knew that this bird was going down and there was no way he was pulling out, bang seat or not.

[Conan the Librarian]

Brochure speak:-

This Rolls Royce of aviation comes complete with the understated elegance of its very own "flying lady"

I WILL get something done today - honest...

Conan

[SASless]

Go Smoke scores! (oops....poor choice of wording)

[Conan the Librarian]

RT "Prune 01, Roger. clear expedite taxi - you have a tight slot in front of you"

[ACW599]

"Now look, chaps, I'm all in favour of nose art. But I think we've gone just a shade too far this time".

-- or --

BAE Systems introduced their version of the 'Flying Lady' on the Hawk in 2005, to much acclaim at squadron level. However, it was considered in some quarters to be lacking in restraint by comparison with its Rolls-Royce predecessor.

[Go Smoke]

Jane said "You can keep your rampant rabbit®, this baby's got 8,000lbs of thrust.

or

Here we see lead ship of the new Swedish aerobatic display team the "Spread Eagles"

[SASless]

.....and the Yamaha shop they had the ultimate crotch rocket!

[Speedpig]

Finally, the ground crew had an explanation as to why there were snail trails on the aircraft nose.

Conan's kazoo has my vote. Sheer brilliance you sad, sad man.

...or

The strange smell and the presence of cats circling the nose was explained.

[Hueymeister]

Flaps 50.....


Full Flaps!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ZH875]

Bloggs, when I said 'Show me the Cock Pit' this is not quite what I had in mind.

[SASless]

"Now Bloggs, the AD chaps will try to make you think mud moving is not at all what it is cracked up to be!"

[SASless]

"Bloggs, for some reason, I do not think this field mod for the windscreen washer is going to be acceptable to the AOC!! I say, should it not be the same colour as the rest of the aircraft?"

[Conan the Librarian]

"Bloggs had suddenly gone off his NATO standard lunchbox after some sort of subliminal vision - that of a badly packed kebab"

[Incipient Sinner]

It was only the fortuitiously 'mounted' blade aerial that kept her from slipping off the nose.

[snafu]

Sir, sir, we've lost all airspeed indications!

Don't worry son, you just stay under the hood and if you can tell me why, you've passed the trip.

[fatter albert]

MAGIC EYE PICTURE

If you stare hard enough, after a couple of minutes an aircraft will materialise in the background.

Got it yet? Keep staring...

[Need for Speed!]

Flap's down and well trimmed, sir!

[old developer]

Sir,there is no light at the end of the tunnel

[Kolibear]

As a fully qualified free-fall instructor, Melanie instinctively went into the position that would give her maximum stability

[SASless]

.....errrr....ahhhh....not too stable one hopes?

[Circuit Basher]

SASless - Neigh lad, just a little horsing about!! :D

[Goldryder]

Is this the new high visibility autopilot thingamybob wotsit?

[Conan the Librarian]

following on from SASless and CB

"Melanies' transition from jockey to fast jet pilot still had some way to go"

[adr]

Her assessor had been in a good mood when he'd said to Melanie, "Okay, let's pop out to the aircraft and you can show me what you've got!" He was in an even better mood twenty minutes later.

adr

[Conan the Librarian]

Seen here in a still from their latest "spec"tacular advertising campaign


"Although almost all of Melanies' clothes had been ripped off by the savage airflow, a Specsavers spokesperson was delighted to report that her contact lenses had stayed in place, as promised."

[Milt]

"The new style of pitot cover was a great success."

[Speedpig]

Once again, and he was going to be put on jankers this time for sure, Pilot Cadet Wayne Kerr had failed the rudiments of flight by failing to notice the red "remove before flight" flag somehow thinking it was just the "wrong week" again.:yuk:


I will most certainly get my coat

[Incipient Sinner]

And as Speedpig tiptoes carefully up to the line of good taste..
...and takes a great leap across. :ok:

[ACW599]

"Something tells me we've had a birdstrike".

[Goldryder]

Pilot to engineer: 'Hey, we have some rather nice looking WRAF's now, don't we?'

Engineer to pilot: 'Nah mate, thats just the boss's au pair, she seems to think cleaning his nose is part of her job description. You should see what she gets upto in the damned exhaust, makes me go all sweaty just looking at her'

[Incipient Sinner]

Slowly, Plt Off Prune realised that this hadn’t been used as a fisheries patrol aircraft in the past.


Think I'll join Speedpig actually :E

[Oggin Aviator]

... no I'm not getting out.

[Maisiebabe]

"Can I have a volunteer to wipe the canopy.":cool:

[Magoodotcom]

"Trials of the new nose mounted optical sensor not only failed to realise any marked improvement over the pilot's Mk1 eyeball, but its positioning also proved a distraction to the pilot for taxiing and landing."

[ACW599]

"Look, Bloggs, I agree that your sister is very good-looking. But I'm still not giving her a Hawk trip".

[ShyTorque]

"Initial trials of a new type of simulated instrument flying equipment were halted today when it was found to cause memory loss in pilots. The fitting was designed to ensure that pilots did not sneak a look at the horizon. Unfortunately it became immediately obvious that 100% of pilots made no attempt to look at the instruments, forgot the flight briefing and the name of their wife".

[ACW599]

"Sir, is that what they mean when they talk about the Machynlleth loop?"

(Coat on, go)

[SASless]

"I say Bloggs...this competition for fuel sales by the airport operators is turning into a good thing! Makes one wonder what they will do next to get our business?"

[Conan the Librarian]

"And if you can manage it, try to prod somewhere near Brize"

[Milt]

"The birth of the next generation trainer."

[Onan the Clumsy]

Here we have one of the early steps in military flight training. This lesson helps decide whether the aspiring pilot should be Air Force or Navy. :E

[Speedpig]

:ouch:
Miiaaaaaoooooowwwww:E

Who mentioned good taste?

Very, very funny tho'