Caption competition

[JAVELINBOY]

Your right, it is like a seashell except all I can hear is a Nimrod in cruise

[Danny42C]

"My pet budgie's got in here !"

[andytug]

And from that day forth, his name was "FOD".

[Wensleydale]

Sorry Dr FOD - there's still no sign of Ms Wayward Body.

[ShyTorque]

Pilot Report: "Plank in number one engine"

[Wander00]

No, no silica gel packs up here

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Apparently one of the blades is rubbing. I'll start it up, you see which one it is, and put a bit of chalk on it.

[Danny42C]

"I'm sure I left my spanner somewhere about here !"

[pasta]

Do we still need to file a bird strike report? I'm pretty sure it's a bloke...

[Big Pistons Forever]

Ahhh, Mr Bloggs, I see you have applied to become an Air Force mechanic. A word of advice, get another picture to put on your resume.......

[Big Pistons Forever]

The United Board of Directors wishes to announce that Mr Munez has chosen to be reassigned to a position better suited to his talents......

[racedo]

Smoothie Operation for Pilot's breakfeast since galley blender broke.

[Big Pistons Forever]

I give up ! What do I do with that idiot ?

Well I hear there are 3 openings in the Chicago Airport Police Department.....

[JAVELINBOY]

All he was asked to do was count the blades, too much like counting sheep by the look of it.

[SASless]

The sound of the whirling blades reminded Sledge of his Mum's Cake Mixer and how he got to lick the blades.....sadly he was about to become the makings of a Meat Pie.

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

http://data.whicdn.com/images/10408843/original.jpg
As a redneck, Bubba was used to road-kill stew, he wondered if air-kill pigeon pie tasted any sweeter: I guess he will never find out.

[c52]

After the demands of the National Curriculum that maths should "become more like real life",other school subjects follow, and gym equipment is redesigned.

Here a student is lifting his chest off the floor by stretching his hands towards his feet.

Note how the hi-viz jacket and heavy-duty trousers and boots are more realistic than traditional gym kit.

[Penny Washers]

Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance did not seem to adapt very well to jet engine work.

And Joe's Tai Chi positions were never going to get him out of the air intake again.

Perhaps he should try some yogic flying with reverse thrust?

[Danny42C]

"I dunno what came over me !"

[Danny42C]

"The Captain told me to lie here to see if his new First Officer would spot me on his walk-around !"

[configsafenot]

....now if this photo was paired with the one of the bloke peering down the tailpipe...

Tailpipe "Can you see it?"
Fanblade "Nope...not yet...shine your torch a little to the left"
Tailpipe "OK......is that any better?"
Fanblade "Erm...nope...I still can't find my toasted cheese sandwich"
Tailpipe "Well how long did you cook it for?"
Fanblade "Oh about 45 seconds"
Tailpipe "Well there you go then...it will be ashes by now and blown out the back here....try again and cook for 10 seconds next time"

[Pontius Navigator]

"Yes, when the sh^t the fan the bypass keeps it out of the works, I can see that now"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Lowly "other ranks" assume the correct position as the Captain does his rounds.

[configsafenot]

F/O "Sir...I know that engine had a little birdstike last flight, you really don't have to kiss it better"

[Buster Hyman]

I said show him the cowling, not cowering!

[DirtyProp]

Judging time will be this evening, more or less.....do your worst, you naughty lot! :E :D

And Happy Easter everyone!

[Pontius Navigator]

The new super large bypass fans needed to pass a more robust test than frozen chickens

[Wensleydale]

"Frozen Chicken my ar*e. This one's a real turkey!"

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

It's OK, the liney is wearing his "remove before flight" tag.

[SASless]

Buster was over the Moon when he heard he was going to meet a big Fan!

[Buster Hyman]

^^^
Well blow me down...

[Pontius Navigator]

Come on sunshine, suck it up

[ShyTorque]

Bloggs hoped that the squeeze, bang and blow would be more enjoyable.

[DirtyProp]

Alright chaps, it's judging time.
Honorable mentions:

-ShyTorque with:
Pilot Report: "Plank in number one engine"


-Big Pistons Forever
I give up ! What do I do with that idiot ?

Well I hear there are 3 openings in the Chicago Airport Police Department.....


And the CFS Trophy goes to....

-Pasta
Why can't we use frozen chickens like everyone else?


Well done, everyone! :D:D


On a side note, I'd like to ask the Mods to let our esteemed member Nutloose back in. CapCom just ain't the same without him.

[pasta]

Blimey, what an honour! The Coffman Starter Trophy now has pride of place on my mantlepiece...

See what you can do with this one (courtesy of a well-know global mapping website:
http://imgur.com/f0cfqMG.jpg

Bonus points to anyone who can work out where this rather unusual aircraft was spotted.

[SASless]

The downsizing of the airline industry continues apace!

[albatross]

After the first departure attempt the experiment using velcro as a fastening system was declared only a partial success.

[Buster Hyman]

Irans new stealth jetliner unveiled.

On a side note, I'd like to ask the Mods to let our esteemed member Nutloose back in. CapCom just ain't the same without him.
Hang on...what have I missed???

[albatross]

I seems Capt Bloggins has stumbled upon a wormhole!

[treadigraph]

"Uh, Mr Ford, please phone the tower. This time you're really in trouble..."

Nutty got banned a week or two back...:{ Dunno why...

[Buster Hyman]

Breezy Jet.

Ok, ta.

[SASless]

Nutty! As we all have!




Irans new stealth jetliner unveiled.


Hang on...what have I missed???

[DirtyProp]

Hoskins, I told you that choosing the alternate in Area 51 was a bad idea....

[Pontius Navigator]

The new USAF Tanker in the half finished cloak of invisibility paint

[Pontius Navigator]

Kim Fat Uns aerospace industry demonstrates their invisible paint scheme, sadly it wasn't ready for Uns surprise celebration party.

[DirtyProp]

How are those USAF drivers find the tanker now?
They could barely spot it when it was highly visible...

[Buster Hyman]

Tired of smart arsed Twitter comments, Boeing reveal Trumps budget Air Force One!

[Monarch Man]

Ok sir..that's fine, now cover the other eye....

Aww **** now I know why the inviso paint Del Boy was selling was half price...

"Why are we taxiing in circles?"

[Wensleydale]

The pilot is a wing commander - they don't trust him with the whole aeroplane!

[Danny42C]

The Bird in a Biplane strikes again ?

[MPN11]

Denver International Airport (KDEN) ??

[andytug]

"United apologises, but the front end and left wing of the aircraft was required to fly a standby crew to another location."

[andytug]

"Cloaking device malfunction. Cloaking device malfunction......"

[MPN11]

British Airways makes further cuts to its European service standards.

[Penny Washers]

Pilot to Co-pilot:

"Hey, Bud, which planet are you on?"

[Danny42C]

"Hoskins, you've got the chop !"

[andytug]

"I think you overdid the split-arse turn, Hoskins...."

[Pontius Navigator]

http://imgur.com/f0cfqMG.jpg

The build was going well, only another 480 issues from buildyourowna330.co.uk

[Pontius Navigator]

There was a slight delay in building as Amazon was later delivering the 3D ink

[Pontius Navigator]

After an unscheduled overnight stop at John Lennon Airport the crew realised airport security left something to be desired.

[MPN11]

"Keep the trim hard over ... she'll go."



BTW [again] ... KDEN

[MPN11]

"Captain! Captain!!! Where are you?"

[MPN11]

The Iranian Air Force carelessly revealed their new semi-stealth bomber.

[c52]

Current ructions in the airline industry split responsibility for the aircraft between the Captain and the Purser. It's not long before an unforeseen consequence occurs.

[DirtyProp]

The merging of Ikea with Airbus had some unforeseen consequences.

[Pontius Navigator]

The 3D printer was half baked again

[c52]

"Your Honor, my client respectfully submits that no passengers were de-boarded."

[albatross]

The leasing company just called. Apparently we are behind in our payments!

[ShyTorque]

"Hoskins, how many times must I tell you not to set the cockpit clock to a new time zone till we're on the stand?"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Qantas insisted they had not suffered a hull loss, as there was still 51% remaining.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Cactus 123, hold short of Taxiway Bravo, give way to the A380 on your........oh never mind.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

While Airbus construction methods relied on prompt delivery of various modules from individual suppliers, in this case, airline delivery schedules had been a tad optimistic.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

When you said we operated on a wing and a prayer, I thought you meant metaphorically.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Blohm and Voss were still coming to grips with airliner design.

[The Nr Fairy]

Well to be fair, it wasn't visible when we were on the ground and looking at it from the right viewpoint...

[622]

Ladies and Gentlemen in rows 14 to 65...I apologise for the slightly firm landing.....as soon as I run over to your part of the plane I will get you all to the terminal.
..And thank you for flying EasyJet...we value your custom!

[Wensleydale]

"Did you carry out a pre-flight external, Co?"


"Nope - I am going to wing it!"

[Penny Washers]

"Just in time" manufacturing methods can sometimes give rise to problems.

However, a spokesman said that he was entirely confident that the flight would be departing on schedule.

[Wensleydale]

The procurement office had not realised that the BOGOF offer had expired the day before the contract was signed.

[622]

I knew we should not have built an airport which straddles the International date line!

[andytug]

It's not Philadelphia airport, by any chance?

[Buster Hyman]

Were the Lithium-ion batteries in the forward hold?

[Pontius Navigator]

Captain - Scotty, the Iridium crystals canna take it, we'll havta cut the power before she blows

[Buster Hyman]

^^^^
Och! Now the wee Transporter beam cannae take it!!!

[Danny42C]

"I blame the White Ants !"

[Danny42C]

"You should never have let little Johnnie get hold of that hacksaw !"

[MPN11]

I say again ... KDEN :)

[racedo]

BAE delivering to budget and reminded MOD that specs never said plane would fly.

[pasta]

I say again ... KDEN :)
Nope. The same website (name rhymes with "Frugal Caps") does show some very spooky ghost aircraft at KDEN, but thay all appear to be complete.

Not Philadelphia either :)

[Wensleydale]

"This is Las Vegas McCarran Operations. A complaint has been received that you violated the airspace over Area 51 on your approach to the airfield....."

[c52]

"It's a perfectly logical solution. Prince Charles wanted to fly in a tanker to Somalia, and the Prime Minister wanted to fly in a tanker to Jordan."

[Dan Gerous]

Say again tower, we were cut off.

[Pontius Navigator]

Gordon: Any word on that flight yet?
Airport Info: Yes sir, she landed safely after she was attacked and fired on by Kim Fat Wun. She came in on one wing and a prayer

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

I told you those laser-pointers are getting a touch too powerful.

[racedo]

Telling Staish can't be in 2 F****** places at once proved my undoing., he showed me how its done, size 10s applied can hurt.

[racedo]

Untied Airlines at work.

[Hueymeister]

Stealth Technology takes an in year budget cut...

[Big Pistons Forever]

Bloggs why are you surprised ? This is a British Airline and like Britain 52 % voted to leave and 48% voted to remain...

[Big Pistons Forever]

The Airplane like BPF, only got an honorable mention.....

[Big Pistons Forever]

Well it was Trumps idea but he got bored and lost interest before it was finished.....

[Buster Hyman]

Is that part of Trumps fleet 'steaming to N. Korea'???

[squeaker]

Accountants come up with a plan to cut aircraft costs by 50% and flight crew costs by 100%.

[Monarch Man]

If Calsburg made aeroplanes.....

[Ascend Charlie]

You people are so cruel - it's just an airplane with Special Needs.

[Dan Gerous]

United Airlines. If we want you off, you're gone.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

It proved impossible to release Dr. Dao's grip on the arm rests, so drastic measures were employed.

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

Airbus post Brexit :suspect:

[Buster Hyman]

How the Langoliers should have ended.

[Cows getting bigger]

Google Earth reveals that airports paint tarmac in order to inflate aircraft movement statistics.

[andytug]

Not Philadelphia either :)

Just an experiment.....

[Danny42C]

"Well, it was all there the last time I looked !"

[Danny42C]

"Funny - my hubcaps disappeared in just the same way last week"

[DirtyProp]

Well they left half of it, so I'm quite confident we're NOT in Nigeria!

[Danny42C]

"They'll be back for the rest tomorrow night !"

[pasta]

Some great captions, Mrs P has been wondering what all the laughing is about; this is going to be a hard one to call.

Final verdict, and the reveal of where in Europe this ground-breaking single-engine airliner is being tested, tomorrow evening.

[Danny42C]

"It's the "Wufus" plane - it goes round in ever-decreasing circles until it vanishes up its own @rseole !"

[Pontius Navigator]

http://imgur.com/f0cfqMG.jpg

Don't you think the drag reduction program was too aggressive at the expense of lift?

[MPN11]

"Right. That's got rid of the Captain. Ouch, where's my left arm?"

[c52]

There's an Iberia A340 at Bordeaux with the same treatment - and if you look in Streetview, its fuselage has been sliced as well.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The new Boeing B368.5 taxies out for it's maiden flight.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

When initiating breakaway thrust Hoskins, next time go a little easier on the left throttle.

[Danny42C]

"I think it's something to do with the Bermuda Triangle !"

[pasta]

Judging time once again. In case anyone's interested (which I rather doubt), the aircraft was spotted at Calgliari (CAG). In a further mysterious twist, at some point during the last 24 hours it has disappeared without trace...

I'm afraid there's insufficient space to acknowledge all the captions that had me sniggering, but my personal highlights included:

Danny42C winning a self-piloted trip to the Bermuda Triangle:
"They'll be back for the rest tomorrow night !"

Buster Hyman winning a flight on the redeye to Boston:
"Irans new stealth jetliner unveiled."

Pontius Navigator winning a free standby flight on United Airlines:
"The build was going well, only another 480 issues from buildyourowna330.co.uk"

Dan Gerous winning a one-way trip to Area 51:
"Say again tower, we were cut off."

The CFS Trophy goes to Andytug with:
"United apologises, but the front end and left wing of the aircraft was required to fly a standby crew to another location."

Andy, you have control...

[MPN11]

<applause> to Andytug

Signing out for a few days. It seem some medical fellow want to cut a hole in my belly. Back on Monday, I hope ;)

[Danny42C]

Couldn't have gone to a more worthy recipient !

[andytug]

Thanks all - and if my phone is co-operative, here's your next starter for ten...
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSEWVIQeNE3QOMV4fnOjv4Y4AbeostMAqpkp-BJBlIKMt9s-Gr-

[Penny Washers]

Some spaghetti connoisseurs will go to ridiculous lengths to ensure that their spaghetti is delivered in its natural uncut 'straight off the tree' form.

[SASless]

Think flying this Sucker is hard....wait till you have to taxi her!

[SASless]

Get dragged off this one and you will be worn slap out!

[Buster Hyman]

Captain. I know you don't like to associate with our Economy passengers, but this is getting out of hand!

[Hydromet]

Cannondale's attempt to diversify into the aircraft industry was a little ambitious, especially as they based their first model design on a tandem rather than a solo.

[c52]

Where the other half of the A330 turned up.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

It's configured as completely 1st Class. Apparently they object to sitting next to any other passenger.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Captain: Take over Jim, I'm just going for a stroll back to the Guards Van to see how the conductors are. I shouldn't be more than an hour or so.

[treadigraph]

"Of course, this is just the prototype. Production aircraft will have a curved fuselage to cope with the new circular runways they're advocating..."

[JAVELINBOY]

Revealed,all the bits Google Earth have been nicking.

[Pontius Navigator]

Of course this is the prototype, the old diehards insistence on wings, engines etc. The next phase will be much, much longer so you will be able to walk from departures to arrivals without the inconvenience of cramped seating and cardboard sandwiches.

[ShyTorque]

ATC: "After landing, which turnoff would you prefer?"

Pilot: "All of 'em!"

[pasta]

Please can someone call the design office, and explain that's not what we mean by "long haul"?

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

The design for the new Air Force One was quickly adapted to accommodate President Trump's ever expanding "Pinocchio" nose.

[622]

Viagra airways maiden flight!

[treadigraph]

"...and our cabin crews are fully qualified on roller skates..."

[Danny42C]

"I think someone's been pulling its leg !"

[Danny42C]

"Well, I've heard of stretched fuselages, but this is ridiculous !"

[cattletruck]

If you're lucky and the flight is long enough your meal in steerage will get served but will be cold.

[Buster Hyman]

*THUMP*

"What the hell was that?"
"Don't know, but ATC said something about 'expedite'...do you know what that means?"

[Danny42C]

"What's it like to fly a long thing like this ?" ..... "Dunno, really - I just fly the front end and the rest follows on behind !" :ugh:

(said by Bill Pegg, Chief Test Pilot of the Bristol Aviation Company, after landing the "Brabazon" on its first flight in 1950 (?)

[Danny42C]

"They tried the tandem wing idea in the "Flying Flea" in the Thirties - didn't work too well !"

[Danny42C]

"Your First Officer looks knackered - what's the matter with him ?" ...... "He's just done the walk around !"

[Danny42C]

"Its mother was frightened by a dachshund !"

[pasta]

Ryanair take advantage of a long-forgotten law allowing discounted landing fees for biplanes.

[Danny42C]

"It's a long story .... !"

[Danny42C]

"Well, we were messing about with this "superglue", and we thought it'd be a bit of a lark ........ !"

[Danny42C]

"We bought one - and got one free !"

[PingDit]

'Push-me-Pull-you' Airways inaugural flight takes to the air...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Well it was an A330 until the cleaners started polishing it with their cloths.

[Danny42C]

"Hoskins - it's not really there - you've been at the LSD again !"

[c52]

Pushing-the-envelope thinking after a Senior Executive mentioned to the design team that an express train is a quarter of a mile long.

[Danny42C]

"We tried to corner the Economy Class market by giving the punters a decent seat pitch length !"

[Pontius Navigator]

The Foreign Secretary was unconvinced and still thought they should have bought Bendy Airbuses.

[racedo]

The new BoeinghumpedAirbus flies.

[Dan Gerous]

What goes round comes round. We're back to bi-planes then.

[Dan Gerous]

They're taking the cargo conversions a bit to far

[JAVELINBOY]

That was a hell of a jolt, do you think someone tail ended us? I don't seem to have rudder control.

[Pontius Navigator]

It was the boys' first cut and shut but they didn't get the cut quite right.

[c52]

A380: design sketch version 0.1

[ShyTorque]

Now we know where the missing front half of the aircraft in the previous caption comp went...

[Buster Hyman]

After Brexit, the EU told Britain they could only take anything that would fit in one aircraft. Boy are they in for a shock!

[racedo]

Harrison Ford parking on the runway...........again

[Buster Hyman]

John Holmes Air.

[Pontius Navigator]

A380: design sketch version 0.1
I said do a design SKETCH not a design STRETCH.

[Danny42C]

"Why bother with a tow cable ? Just stick 'em together !"

[c52]

The word quickly spreads that, given the typical fitness level of police officers, passengers are safe in the back rows of the plane.

[Hydromet]

John Holmes Air.Buster, that is very naughty!:ok: (Not a caption)

[Pontius Navigator]

So, first we had safe life then we had fail safe. Now we have true redundancy for ETPOS, two spare engines and a spare pair of wings.

[Monarch Man]

Is that a aeroplane? Or are you just happy to see me?

[Dan Gerous]

Surely you can't be serious?


Yes. And stop calling me Shirley!

[Dan Gerous]

It's the latest attempt by NK to get a Ballistic Missile to the USA.:eek:

[Buster Hyman]

Bugger! Every time the Skipper gets excited, I have to re-do the loadsheet!

[Danny42C]

"I think they're doing a stereo version !"

[Dan Gerous]

Trump pimps airforce one

[Pontius Navigator]

Take off checks, attitude, ERECT . . .

[Pontius Navigator]

Take off checks, attitude, ERECT . . .

[pasta]

We think the drawings must have got jammed in the fax machine...

[Penny Washers]

The International Dachshund Club has finally got its own dedicated transport.

Bonsai trees will be installed at 30 foot intervals down the main aisle.

[c52]

Confronted with a strike in their nose and tail factory, Boeing engineers came up with an innovative solution.

[CONSO]

Designer - " DAMM- forgot to divide by 2 "

[Pontius Navigator]

Running a cross over production line presented certain issues, not all of which were resolved.

For sale, fully fitted aircraft cockpit for conversion to flight SIM use.

For sale, tail plane empenage, many uses, apply Scroggs Aerospace.

[Ascend Charlie]

In this case, First Class really does arrive before the rest of the yobboes. They are in a different time zone.

[Pontius Navigator]

And of course with this configuration we have the armoured door between first class and cattle.

[Buster Hyman]

After a few Months, Boeing abandoned the idea of using arrestor hooks at major airports...

[Pontius Navigator]

Ok, ok, stop pushing it

[Danny42C]

"It's a case of 'Déjà vu' ...!"

[c52]

Calm down, everybody. These two planes were a good mile apart. There's a small one quite close, and a large one a mile behind it and a bit higher. The small one has a sky-coloured fin.

[Buster Hyman]

I've heard of brown nosing in the airline industry, but this is ridiculous!

[Chef Bruz]

The experimental narrowbody airliner prototype still managed to carry 400 pax, in a single row...

[Wensleydale]

Trials to find a replacement for boom AAR were not going well.

[Pontius Navigator]

Air Miles foray into the long haul market lifts off for first time. The next stage to a mile long aircraft is expected next April.

[c52]

Boeing were desperate to sell large aircraft to an airline whose CEO had said they would by widebodies "over his dead body".

[cattletruck]

During the industry slump the sales department figured out how to move more units.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

We set it up for "just in time" manufacturing, but someone misread the timetables, and wing and fuselage assemblies turned up too often. We didn't have the storage space, so............

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

You know those shows on tv, where after the ad break, they repeat most of what happened prior before moving on? Unfortunately, we hired one of those producers to make our assembly line training videos.

[Wensleydale]

Well the Captain and the stewardess are already in the mile high club, so they are trying for the mile long version!

[MPN11]

I've flown a lot of commercial long-haul, but this is getting silly.

[Danny42C]

"Well, I reckon you can't have too much of a good thing !"

[Danny42C]

"Thai Airways requested a Siamese Twin !"

[Pontius Navigator]

"Is the back end airborne yet?"

[pasta]

Sheesh, this is a long flight...

[Danny42C]

"Mains on ! ..... "Which set ?"

[Pontius Navigator]

Remind me again, which is No 2?

[pasta]

Google's move into the aerospace industry was widely regarded as being a step too far...

[Chef Bruz]

"So if you sit right in THIS back of the aircraft you get a MUCH longer ride..."

[Ascend Charlie]

This stretch was needed to carry more chemtrail juice, because the stupefaction of the world was taking longer than expected - though Trump's election showed that it IS working.

[Danny42C]

"I know I said 'Close Line Astern', Hoskins - but not so close as that !"

[pasta]

It was still unclear which was longer; the aircraft's fuselage, or the latest round of the caption competition...
:O

[SASless]

The Cockpit will be in the Boneyard long before the Capcom Judges in Row 419 show up!

[andytug]

Well, it seems the natives are getting restless, so the judges decision is......

Honourable Mentions to:

Pasta for "Ryanair take advantage of a long-forgotten law allowing discounted landing fees for biplanes. "

Pontius Navigator for "The Foreign Secretary was unconvinced and still thought they should have bought Bendy Airbuses."

But their slightly left field choice for the CST this time round is....



Penny Washers with "Some spaghetti connoisseurs will go to ridiculous lengths to ensure that their spaghetti is delivered in its natural uncut 'straight off the tree' form."

[Penny Washers]

Well, that was unexpected! Thanks, folks.

Here's a photo - I only hope that the size is about right. If not, can someone re-size it please?

[Buster Hyman]

....umm...the password....right....ummm....hang on....

[treadigraph]

OK, OK, it was me that grounded the ATC fleet...

[Buster Hyman]

In my defence...I didn't think the roundout was that late...

[SASless]

So I was a trifle late on judging.....

[Buster Hyman]

All it takes is one prick...

[andytug]

"Say you support Corbyn again. I dare you!"

[andytug]

"Yes, yes, OK, I had the extra biscuit, can we let it go now, please?

[SATCOS WHIPPING BOY]

United Airlines test their new "Passenger Compliance Procedure".

[Pontius Navigator]

DAMO agreed that there could be a free vote on whether there should be DAC or Pax on the homebound Herc.

[Pontius Navigator]

OK punks, make my day

[622]

This is how real men shave!

[ValMORNA]

Lone civilian hero arrests 50-plus Jihadi fighters.

[Chef Bruz]

You know the penultimate scene scene of the Blues Brothers movie?

It's an 'omage for this...

[SASless]

Another Candidate for conversion to Helicopters is notified of his new assignment!

[Pontius Navigator]

"Why me, why is it always me that has to to these jobs?"

"Because you don't have a gun"

[Pontius Navigator]

"OK, I get the point"

[treadigraph]

"All right, so what if I DO read the Guardian?"

[Buster Hyman]

Mike Pence starts to think that being Trumps VP isn't that great a gig after all...

[JAVELINBOY]

Would it help if I said I'm really sorry and I won't do it again?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

If I duck just as you all pull the triggers, I'll be the only one who gets out alive!

[brokenlink]

US President regrets tweeting that the average member of the gun lobby could not hit the side of a barn at 20 paces!

[Wander00]

I swear I am NOT Jeremy Corbyn

[Pontius Navigator]

When did you last see your father?

[Buster Hyman]

The order to hold fire until you see the whites of their eyes was proving to be problematic and a little short sighted...

[pasta]

The electorate never discovered why the latest SDSR had increased defence spending by 50%...

[Danny42C]

Adam was in grave danger of losing his "apple".

[Danny42C]

"For the very last time - who killed Cock Robin ?"

[Danny42C]

"I say, chaps - isn't this rather overkill ?"

[Danny42C]

"Ooh, stop ! - I'm ticklish !"

[Danny42C]

"They don't like it in 'em !"

[Danny42C]

"Does it hurt ?" - "Only when I laugh !"

[Pontius Navigator]

"For inspection, wait for it, for inspection, PRESENT BAYONETS"

"AS YOU WERE," gulp, "Oops"