Caption competition

[Kiltrash]

" No one expects the Spanish Inquisition "

[Wensleydale]

The Vatican seeks out those wearing a "Life of Brian 100 hours" badge.

[Kiltrash]

Damm climate changers and spilt superglue

[Dan Gerous]

https://oi7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/military-humor-picture_zpszbfcebv3.jpg

Spectacles,testicles, wallet, centre of the exposed target.

[treadigraph]

John Cleese in his latest comic role as Reverend Father Ivor Biggun...

[andytug]

"Line on the left, one set of cross-hairs each.."

[Kiltrash]

The firing squad promised not to miss this time

[Kiltrash]

Having missed on the church raffle the Rev descides not to miss this time

[Penny Washers]

We must aim to get everyone thinking the same way about our beliefs.

I know that what I believe is right.

Therefore everyone else must be wrong.

Therefore - they die!

[Prangster]

Praise the Lord and pass some ammunition

[Wensleydale]

The Arch-Deacon was shortly to be promoted to Cannon.

[Dan Gerous]

Yay, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch, in there.

[NutLoose]

"Sh*t, out of ammo, pass the holy handgrenades"

[treadigraph]

As farting in your general direction and references to paternal elderberries or maternal hamsters has had no effect, I must enact stronger measures...

[c52]

"Well, Corporal, the disguise is very good as far as the clothing goes, but the weapon rather gives the game away, don't you think?... Oh, and you'll need to spend the next ten years growing a beard."

[Hydromet]

"Corporal Bloggs, when you were told to disguise yourself as a Taliban, perhaps you should have done a bit more research."

[Kiltrash]

During the Army recruitment day there was only 2 careers available, Machine gunner or Sheepdog

[Kiltrash]

At this point Hoskins regretted pressing the trigger but hitting the magazine eject button instead

[Kiltrash]

Owning to dwindling congregation numbers the Catholic church takes to desperate measures to keep their flock safe from Protestant rustlers

[BluSdUp]

Father Mauser decided the Easter Bunny had crossed a line in the sand when he ate his tulips this year!

[racedo]

Doubting Thomas thinks he can leave early and I will not miss.

[SASless]

Reformation Backslider!

[treadigraph]

And I want every last scrap of confetti picked up and put in that bin...

[ShyTorque]

JUDGEMENT DAY (NOW THERE'S A HINT)!

Some very good captions put up for this one, folks!
But:

Is that a Vicar's machine gun?

Penny Washers, yes I think it is!

A very apt caption, very well done! You are today's winner - I'll fire the trophy your way now - sorry about the hole in it, it will no longer hold Holy water because the vicar's not a very good shot!

[Penny Washers]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x488/tunnel_test_of_mustang_7524aefb6bc0f4dfc5657a8c758b66d379e8b 5b4.jpg

Thanks very much.
Time for something of a different calibre, methinks.

[Dan Gerous]

Well Hoskins, Tom Cruise might have been able to fly a helicopter through the channel tunnel, but we'd prefer you didn't.

[ShyTorque]

"Oops... just discovered the plans said 1:10 scale, not 1:1!"

[JetSetJimbo]

A closer look into the 777X's engine intake revealed the real source of the thrust!

[Buster Hyman]

I think you'll need a different Merlin to get out of here Hoskins!

[Buster Hyman]

TIE Fighter early development photo...

[Buster Hyman]

Ok, me & the lads have been thinking...what about, bigger, elliptical wings?

[Lafyar Cokov]

Although sexually inexperienced, Hoskins was hoping to change things a bit - his mates from the Squadron told him if he waited here he would get the blow job of his life!

[treadigraph]

OK, I get the Lippisch connection, it's the rolling down a slope take off that concerns me...

[Ascend Charlie]

I know you are the best pilot around here, Chewy, and you will need a lot of help to get out of this Blackpool Tunnel, but it's still 5 days too soon to say "May the fourth be with you".

[racedo]

Yet another fender bender at the Hangar Lane gyratory system.

[racedo]

Can we bring this spaceship thingy home with us.

[racedo]

Last time I found something this tight was Jock McSweaty's wallet.

[racedo]

Wots this "To Infinity and Richmond" thingy,............. I'm based at Biggin Hill

[racedo]

Lost the prop, half the wings and captured an Alien spacecraft................. you reckon that will get you off from this prang. No chance.

[racedo]

I said turn left at Mars Factory not Mars planet you pillock.

[racedo]

What you catch you keep took on a whole new dimension.

[Pontius Navigator]

Hoskins gets a final briefing before attempting a barrel roll.

[Pontius Navigator]

And this demonstrates that the clipped wing Spit was an accident.

[NutLoose]

"So you thought you could fly through the eye of a needle did you"

[NutLoose]

"You need to change at south Kensington and pick up the old piccadilly line, that should see you through to Brompton Road station and the secret MOD HQ."

[NutLoose]

"Remember Post Brexit your task is to take out any frog trains trying to come in under the channel"

[NutLoose]

"Remember the F35's up on the deck are just for show, far to expensive to lose in combat, you are the forefront of our aerial defence and will be fired our of the tube when needed"

[NutLoose]

"You didn't really think that the new Dyson fans had no moving parts did you?"

[Kiltrash]

From a unseen episode of 'Allo' 'Allo' the reason the 2 Airmen, Fairfax and Carruthers ended up in Nouvion.
or
Early trials of the Viper launch tube from Galactica
or
I knew we do not have 2 seat trainers so this is the best we can do

[Kiltrash]

What really slowed up Crossrail is finally revealed from the TBM CCTV
or
Early trials of Boeing MCAS showed promise but needed 80 years development
or
Hoskings back to basic training, Pull back = blue. push down = Brown

[Kiltrash]

Early pressurisation trials where the aircraft is encased and tested for leaks does not go well

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Right, just run me through how you're setting the altimeter again?

[NutLoose]

"As I said the RAF has been going down the tubes for years"

[NutLoose]

"Let's hope no one flushes or the sh*t will really hit the fan"

[andytug]

RAF provides proof that it owns the patent for Elon Musk's Hyperloop idea by dint of "prior art"

[treadigraph]

RAF provides proof that it owns the patent for Elon Musk's Hyperloop idea by dint of "prior art"

Elon Musk shows the Thai authorities his Cave Flood Rescue System...

[Lafyar Cokov]

Biggles was feeling flushed with his latest exploits!

[Kiltrash]

White dressed man on wing,...'Hoskins just why did you insist on the flying helmet and wet celery for the ground trainer?
or
Right now we close you up and take you to 5g and all you have to do is hold onto your dinner
or
At the Biggin Hill aircrew selection centre Danny goes through aptitude training with honours

[Kiltrash]

" You put your right leg in, right leg out, in out in out and shake it all about"....Yes sir but what exactly does that have with flying,?...Damm nothing but if I don't the old leg seizes up, said Gp Capt Bader

[JAVELINBOY]

A quick peek into the R&D Department at Metro-Cammell reveals their latest idea for speeding up the London Underground system.

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x488/tunnel_test_of_mustang_7524aefb6bc0f4dfc5657a8c758b66d379e8b 5b4.jpg

and when the Brits give us the Merlin Engine just watch this baby fly, well especially when we fit a prop

[racedo]

What do you mean "Bit of a tight squeeze", have you been taking to Gladys from last night.

[racedo]

I know we captured it and they surrendered but what is it.

[Tashengurt]

"Metric? Never heard of it!"

[c52]

The barrack-room lawyer had pointed out that the prohibition of flying beneath bridges did not apply to flying through tunnels.

[c52]

Airbus decide they need a wide-body as the basis for the Beluga.

[c52]

Prisoners at Stalag Luft XXX construct an escape tunnel vehicle worthy of the RAF.

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x488/tunnel_test_of_mustang_7524aefb6bc0f4dfc5657a8c758b66d379e8b 5b4.jpg

Airbus use the "Beluga" to transport the various assemblies, for the new European Fighter Aircraft.

[c52]

Thanks to its wings being fastened to the side, the tail-plane and fin are redundant, so look how much weight we've saved!

[ShyTorque]

"Damn - we forgot to install the conveyor belt!"

[Kiltrash]

Well that's solved the problem of issues with the undercarriage
or
BAE systems find the fixed price contract ran out before the wings and undercarriage were finished

[Kiltrash]

Knew it was not a good idea to park overnight in Liverpool

[c52]

(In German)

"MEN! It's very difficult to locate a Spitfire with searchlights, so for the purposes of the training exercise, both the searchlights and the Spitfire are immovable."

[Kiltrash]

Home plane sim builder gets a bit too realistic
or
Drone flyer finds the controls realistic

[c52]

"If you won't radio for a ladder before they turn the fans on, I'm coming to sit on your lap"

[Kiltrash]

Fighter Command find it safer this way when HRH Prince Philip pays a visit

[c52]

First tests of the Jet Spitfire with two ventral air intakes.

[c52]

Pilot: "And when I pull back on this stick, instead of the tailplane pointing the nose high in the air, those two big discs in the side of the wind-tunnel rotate the plane, and there's a really clever invention called MCAS that makes them stop before it rotates too far.... Ooops, where's he gone?"

[ivor toolbox]

Someone said to get the prop in place for the next Captain America film... oh you mean that prop

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

Owing to miss interpretation of the pictures taken overflying the Caspian Sea the Americans develop the Ekranoplan P51

[ShyTorque]

"This will confuse those who always say when you see a light at the end of the tunnel it might be a train coming the other way!"

[treadigraph]

No! When the boss said he wanted less drag, he meant you to stop going to that bar on Saturday nights in yer Shirley Bassey gear...

[Kiltrash]

North Korea reverse engineer the Spitfire from the Battle of Britain film. However did not realise the flying shots were from close ups in 4:3 format

[Parson]

SC: "Morning CO 41, CO LXX, take a seat". "Right, which one of you two f***ed up?"

[JAVELINBOY]

Following the sucess of his film Steamboat Billy, Buster Keyton inspects the prop for his next film, Streamlined Billy.

[NutLoose]

"No problem, I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters. "

[Ascend Charlie]

When the Supermarine rep came down to the torpedo tube to find out why the Super-Submarine Spittoon-Fire didn't make it out of the tube, he saw that there was a basic flaw - the pilot drowned when they flooded the tube. Must remember to close the cockpit next time...

[Kiltrash]

Glad I caught you in, can we count on your vote in the local government elections?.

[Kiltrash]

Damn religious zealots get everywhere

[Kiltrash]

Sorry sir but looking at the damage to your aircraft would you mind blowing into this breathalyser?

[Pontius Navigator]

An early US advert for the iconic British Brylcreem using the equally iconic P51 in a wind tunnel

[racedo]

Stop the world I want to get off.

[Wander00]

It's an idea I had for a movie - "First of the Many"

[ShyTorque]

"Sorry Captain, it's all cancelled. Apparently someone sent a telegram to the War Department saying the project has gone down the tubes so they've told us to pull the plug on it".

[cavuman1]

I've heard of "throwing the hotdog down the hall", but this is ridiculous!

- Ed

[Kiltrash]

No sorry that Mach meter reading up to 2.2 does not fit the hole

[Buster Hyman]

Right. Well those dastardly illegal immigrants will get a shock next time they try the Chunnel!

[Kiltrash]

Would it not be simpler to use a model in the wind tunnel? Well no we have to find a use for all the #Brexit hot air

[c52]

"The duck tape on the wing? - I'm afraid someone kicked it when the engine wouldn't start."

[Kiltrash]

Amazing what you can do with all these strips of metal and 2BA screws said Mr Meccanno.

[Wensleydale]

In an attempt to improve the performance of the Spitfire, the designers went back to the old adage: "Its Quicker by Tube".

[ivor toolbox]

First attempt of the 'Everest Double Glazing' commercial.

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

Why yes Mr Schneider we could fit floats but why?

[Kiltrash]

No sorry Mr Williamson, you must come out eventually

[Lafyar Cokov]

The rumours of a blockage in the pilot training pipeline proved to be far more literal than anyone expected!

[Kiltrash]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/720x488/tunnel_test_of_mustang_7524aefb6bc0f4dfc5657a8c758b66d379e8b 5b4.jpg

Well the design does look good, 35000 feet 450knots 8 machine guns HF radio 4G turn armour plating self sealing fuel tanks auto pilot Cat 111 landing 900 mile range, however the tea and coffee making facilities does need a bit of work

[c52]

There's a leak in here, Mr Williamson....

[Finningley Boy]

So, once again, you thought you could fly it through the tunnel because it looked big enough... and Ginger was winding you up about it.

FB

[Penny Washers]

I'll put up some results first thing Friday morning, so we can have a new photo for the weekend.

Isn't it annoying how you always think of a really good caption after the competition has closed? It has been worrying me all the week why the photo of the priest with the machine gun reminded me of something - but at last I've got it. Don Camillo! And Fernandel in the title part.

Wonderful stories.

[Wander00]

What did you say your name was, Hanna?

[c52]

"Whose idea was it to put a real aeroplane in here? You've reduced the RAF's inventory by 1.3%."

[racedo]

May the Royal Air Force be with you, Obie one.

[racedo]

Is this the British Empire Strikes Back movie, if so we aren't going anywhere.

[racedo]

If I shoot it down, can I meet Princess Leia in a Bikini ?

Hoskins, shoot it down, then you can wear what you like son.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

When designing the Trent, Rolls Royce decided to stick with what they knew.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

I know Hoskins is a bit of a ham-fisted clot, but it's hard to find men of his calibre.

[Dan Gerous]

We've repaired the dink in the port leading edge, and the rest buffed out OK, so hopefully no one will notice.

[Buster Hyman]

The good news is, we've figured out what's causing the drag. The bad news is, I have to get off the wing...

[Kiltrash]

Going my way?

[Ascend Charlie]

As soon as they get the photos of Harry and Meghan's baby, we'll get the film to you, and shoot you down the tube to the chemist to get them processed.

[Penny Washers]

I've heard of "throwing the hotdog down the hall", but this is ridiculous!

- Ed

I wish I knew what it was all about - but it made me chuckle. Could it be some arcane religious ceremony?

Please enlighten us, Cavuman, and in the meantime please accept the CST, together with a past-its-sell-by-date Easter egg.

Thanks all.

[ShyTorque]

I think it's to do with an oversized lady and an undersized man.... :p

[The Nr Fairy]

"Throwing the hotdog down the hall" lives in the same general area as "it was like a wizard's sleeve"..

[treadigraph]

One lives and learns... and then often forgets again.

[Penny Washers]

I'm sorry I asked . . . although I rather feared that it might be something of the kind.

"Wizard's sleeve" is also a mystery . . . . but I am not asking!

[andytug]

I'm sorry I asked . . . although I rather feared that it might be something of the kind.

"Wizard's sleeve" is also a mystery . . . . but I am not asking!

To do with the ratio of sleeve width to arm thickness among wizards, being high so that their arms are free to accurately cast spells.

[andytug]

See also "like throwing open the window and making love to the night", etc.

Roger's Profanisaurus is your friend.....

[NutLoose]

I think it's to do with an oversized lady and an undersized man.... :p

Ahh..... rather like playing ones organ in a cathedral

[cavuman1]

Thank you for awarding the coveted Coffman Starter Trophy to me, Penny Washers! I shall carry it carefully down the hall and place it on the center of our mantlepiece. The posters below yours are "anatomically correct" in their interpretation of the American idiom "Throw the hotdog down the hall"! (Kind of like a co-worker of mine years ago who, after a hard day's night selling microcomputers, shrugged, sighed, and said "I guess I'll go home and stab the wife." I was horrified until I thought it through...)

Here's one that may or may not have anything to do with Cinco de Mayo, but, at least tomorrow, I shall say to PPRuNers one and all: "May the Fourth be With You!"

- Ed

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x360/air_horse_1f82c00fb4052feaa06761f464a8a19d780c4613.jpg

[Tashengurt]

"Cabin air always leaves me a little hoarse"
Obviously

[Kiltrash]

Having re checked the terms and Conditions the American Airlines gate agent did agree there was no limit to the assistance animal allowed in the cabin. and so allowed the big fat git to board

[Kiltrash]

Smoking still allowed in the premium class

[Kiltrash]

Amazing what you can win at the fair ground,.. said the horse

[Penny Washers]

Appaloosa Airlines bridled at this self loading hand luggage being snaffled aboard, but were nagged by the punter who said it would make the aircraft a bit more stable, and now they were saddled with it they should not shoe it off.

[Lafyar Cokov]

Leg room was a little restrictive in the mane!

[Lafyar Cokov]

Man "...and this is the pig that I have to sleep with every night"

Woman "That's not a pig - its a horse"

Man "I was talking to the horse!"

(Thank you - this post was in aid of 'Give An Old Joke A Home' week)

[Kiltrash]

This is why you should not takes things for others through security. Don't know what you will be saddled with

[Kiltrash]

It was easier to take the grandchild's case on holiday rather than the child

[Wensleydale]

How to get your horse on an aircraft.

Stewardess: "You can't bring that on here".

Man: "I'm bringing my guide dog on board - I was told that it was all right".

Stewardess: "That's not a guide dog".

Man: "Really? It feels like a guide dog to me".

[Kiltrash]

Despite purchasing speedy boarding to get the overhead bin space . The plan was spoilt as they were bussed to the aircraft

[ShyTorque]

Ahh..... rather like playing ones organ in a cathedral

What you do on a Sunday is your own business.... :ooh:

[Kiltrash]

"Your gonna need a bigger poo bag "

[ShyTorque]

"I'm cutting down on my carbon footprint...it doesn't use much fuel but the emissions are terrible!"

[Kiltrash]

Having retired from FedEx Captain and Mrs Hoskins redevelop their lounge to remind them of their last employment. Flying Donkeys round the world

[Ascend Charlie]

When Ernie Mudguts asked how he could get more legroom, he was told he would have to "pony up".

[Kiltrash]

Security officer in the crew restroom at London Stansted. " You will never guess what came through my scanner belt today".

[Wensleydale]

It has to go as hand baggage - whoever heard of a horse going round on a carousel?

[andytug]

"No, I said we had to fly *to* Shetland!"

[andytug]

"Well, he did say that good pilots are as rare as rocking horse poo..."

[treadigraph]

It's a ****land pony.

Shetland.

Nope, have you seen what he left in the aisle?

[Buster Hyman]

Hoskins never again negotiated an EBA after he conceeded that the catering trolleys were hard to push for the cabin crew...

[Buster Hyman]

Economy. The Ass end of the aircraft

[Buster Hyman]

I asked for the Fish, not the Burrito.

[Kiltrash]

What goes on tour stays on tour

[Kiltrash]

Captain was called from the cockpit to help the CC with a difficult passenger was not prepared for what happened next

[Kiltrash]

Well the roses will appreciate what I brought back from holiday

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Horse: "Book the row behind the bulkhead they said. There's lots more room they said."

[racedo]

Passenger brought Lunch for all.

[racedo]

FA asked Passenger " Oh do you ride bareback"
Passenger "Not now as my wife is here"

[cattletruck]

Now serving - Tesco meat.

[c52]

"Very clever. You thought you'd get extra legroom by telling them we'd got eight legs in our two seats."

[ShyTorque]

To be honest, when I ordered a drink, I thought a small Copper Pony was a whiskey!"

[Buster Hyman]

Don't tell me, you're the Lord of La Mancha...

[treadigraph]

"He's the in-flight entertainment." "Oh really; shame he's just a one trick pony..."

[Kiltrash]

FA to passenger, "I'm sorry sir but your life vest has been stolen, however in the unlikely event of a water landing just hold only the horse. He is a champion swimmer at the doggy paddle

[JAVELINBOY]

Michael O'Leary and his Grand National winner return to the Emerald Isle

[Big Pistons Forever]

Wow ! Those Brits are taking their horse, I guess this Brexit thing is really going to happen

[Wensleydale]

"Yes - its the horse that I rode in on. Why do you ask?"

[Big Pistons Forever]

Laugh all you want but I will be doing the laughing when we arrive at gate 2 and our connection is leaving from gate 231

[Kiltrash]

Manspreading coming to a airline seat near you


https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x360/air_horse_1f82c00fb4052feaa06761f464a8a19d780c4613.jpg

[Penny Washers]

"Leg room? - My ass!"

[Big Pistons Forever]

Hey, you can’t have the business class meal !

[Big Pistons Forever]

Nah he isn’t a horse, he is moveable ballast You see I have trained him to run to the back of the cabin in case we have to get the nose up for one of those MCAS “events”......

[Kiltrash]

Nah cigarette smuggling, HMRC would not think to check his ass

[Kiltrash]

1st Air Cavalry on a reunion to Arnhem

[Big Pistons Forever]

The travel agency said we were travelling “Cattle Class”. Well I didn’t have any cows but I figured that a horse would be close enough.

[Buster Hyman]

Look at us! We got a Giddy Up-grade..... (OK, I'm stretching it now)

[Ascend Charlie]

Yes, he is a "Show Pony", but I am hoping he will be a Toe-Pony and step on the toes of this fat slug in the blue shirt - he has already taken both the armrests.

[NutLoose]

"This is the last time I fly Playboy, they promised me the personal attention of whores."

[NutLoose]

"Ryan Airs introduction of an optional £50 all you can eat service left passengers disappointing when they realized that it was impossible to eat the intended buffet.

[NutLoose]

Seating in row 1b was a squeeze when it was realized Ryan Air carried their own aircraft tug on board

[Wensleydale]

Security staff search in vain as intelligence officers report a drug mule on the flight from Columbia.

[NutLoose]

Ryan Air go up market in an attempt to show that it's not just donkeys that choose to fly with them

[NutLoose]

"Well.... Doris and Alf from 2 doors down brought us a straw donkey in a sombrero back from Spain last year and the missus decided to go one better for their gift"

[Kiltrash]

Visually impaired lady thought it was just a Labradoodle thay had given her

[Kiltrash]

Duty free on this flight sold its entire stock of perfume

[Kiltrash]

The airline did apologise but as the hold temp and pressure was broken the smelly livestock would have to accommodated in seat 1c

[Ascend Charlie]

"He heard what happened to the animals in the cargo hold of Miami Air landing in Jacksonville."

[treadigraph]

He says he's related to The President. And when I look closely, yes, there is a strong family resemblance...

[SASless]

Hyphen-Smyth and his girlfriend were off to the Islands for a Romantic Holiday.....the poor blind Woman who was seated next to them had no idea!

[Kiltrash]

Having grown up the Milky Bar Kid could not bare being apart from his steed

[Kiltrash]

John Wayne shows his contempt when being told by the FA "Get off your horse and drink your milk"

[NutLoose]

"Yes Iv'e brought the old nag on holiday with me, and the horse too"

[Buster Hyman]

Once he saw the Horse, Osama realised there was a Sky Marshall on board.

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/480x360/air_horse_1f82c00fb4052feaa06761f464a8a19d780c4613.jpg

Sorry I can't talk just now Ethel, I'm feeling a little hoarse.

[Dan Gerous]

Oh, we just told the Cabin Crew it was a guide horse for the blind.

[racedo]

Hey, it looks like your horse is stuffed.
Well it will be stuffed when we get to the hotel

[racedo]

Tonto jsut couldn't be parted from his trusted friend.

[racedo]

I heard do you want to bring back Sea Horse with you.............

[racedo]

My little Phoney got his friend on board.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Ryanair's french service byo meal.

[Big Pistons Forever]

RAF Transport Command has set up a committee in order to investigate whether changes to the carry on rules for repat flights might need to be modernized. A full report is expected by July 2022.

[Kiltrash]

David Blaine says to the FA " look into my eyes there is not a horse here, you do not see a horse, and you will give me free drinks all flight"

[Kiltrash]

In a new scramble to be first off the aircraft at the gate Hoskins tries Wacky Races ...

[c52]

"Listen, darling, this is business class so I expect my pony to be able to do its business on the floor here without anyone complaining."

[Buster Hyman]

Not sure about the Catering Doris. I feel a bout of the Trots coming on...

[treadigraph]

"Stick a pony in me pocket, fetch a suitcase from the loft... ...why do only fools and horses fly?"

[racedo]

Smack my pony

[Kiltrash]

Last year it was Cabbage Patch dolls now it's bloody My Little Pony

[Kiltrash]

Well they sold it in Duty Free do what's your problem?

[Kiltrash]

Well Stud animals are valuable and can't trust the Post Office. Thieving barstewards

[Kiltrash]

In the EU animals with a pet passport can travel freely cross borders So what's the problem?

[Lafyar Cokov]

I was told that legroom would be 4 feet ....

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

I don't know why she looks so upset. Her feet are much warmer than mine!

[cavuman1]

NOT A CAPTION

... And they're rounding the turn to the final stretch...the entire field is bunched together in the lead...they're setting a record-breaking pace...hooves and puns are flying everywhere...and Hoof Hearted takes the lead by a nose!

Ladies and Gents, judging tomorrow, and no "bothering" as found in the Kentucky Derby, lest your winning entry suffer disqualification.

- Ed :ok:

[Buster Hyman]

Shrek & Fiona transformed, but Donkey was having a little trouble.

[racedo]

Passenger asked "Can I have Red Rum in the cabin".
Of course you can have any rum in the cabin you like.

[Ascend Charlie]

(Lady) "When Blue-shirt invited me on a holiday with his friend who is hung like a horse, I imagined something different..."

[NutLoose]

"We're carrying extra duty free and were told we would have to pony up when we clear uk customs"

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to avoid charges for the child, Wilma and Freed did the Trojan Horse trick with Pebbles

[NutLoose]

"He wouldn't give up his lucky horseshoe, so I had to bring him with us."

[Lafyar Cokov]

Wow -- look at the size of that Horse fly!

[Kiltrash]

Having laid low for a couple of days Maximum Security makes a break for freedom

[cavuman1]

A large field of entrants approaches the wire with one furlong to go! They are all the fastest and funniest horses ever seen! Their jockeys rise up and whip their sweaty steeds with furious humo(u)r! Out of nowhere comes Lafyar Cokov, a late entry with impeccable credentials. They're at the finish; Cokov wins with "Wow -- look at the size of that Horse Fly!" The crowd rises to its feet and, in an huge standing ovation, claps their collective cock off. The rest of the entries find their way to Tesco's meat department. (Yea or Neigh?)

Congratulations, a wreath of roses, and the CST are on their way to you via Pony Express, Tovarisch!

- Mr. Ed

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/571x720/mr_ed_at_derby_a74868c5cd89ea197915979035ebbe9fb5c0cedb.jpg

[Lafyar Cokov]

Absolutely honoured - thanks so much, CST will be cherished and polished before handing onwards......

I don't think we have had this one........


https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x500/caption1_zpsup3cgyki_92fb4b77199142310097ea0c81c65b2f7a57919 8.jpg

......do your worst!

[cavuman1]

Blow Me, Beotch!

- Ed

[Big Pistons Forever]

Really would it kill the flight crew to wait for the crew bus, like the rest of us ?

[Big Pistons Forever]

GAAK, I just spit out a very annoying piece of flying fluff !

[Big Pistons Forever]

MMMMmmm, A nice light snack, hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and yummy on the inside...

[Buster Hyman]

"My, what big choppers you have."
"JA."

[Buster Hyman]

Ok. Cavity inspection complete. You can go through Customs now.

[Runaway Gun]

"Out you get - you can't bring blades onboard."

[Buster Hyman]

Whilst Roald Dahl's initial screenplay for You only live twice was liked, the Producers thought it needed a little more oomph...

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, you do have quite an under bight...

[Wensleydale]

"Burrrrp.... D*mn Rotary Club Lunches"!

[Wensleydale]

"That's the last time that I get a chopper in my mouth". (…..and why aircraft and ships are called 'she').

[Kiltrash]

The Donald requests a easier way of getting from AF1 to Camp David. None of this messing about in the Beast

[Kiltrash]

Having received the Presidential Medal of Honour Tiger Woods needs to get back to tbe course course quick

[Kiltrash]

Sir Alan Sugar uses VIP charterto avoid the great unwashed

[Kiltrash]

Without Prince Philip to drive the Queen has to resort to alternative means to get to see her latest Great Grandchild

[Penny Washers]

"I can't stand choppers - they get right up my nose!"

[treadigraph]

And here's to you mini Robinson, Jumbos love to lunch on you they say, hey hey hey...

[Penny Washers]

Got to keep up with the times.
The old saying used to be "an elephant straining at a gnat."
Now it is "a jumbo snapping at a Hoverfly."

Yes, yes, I know. A Hoverfly it ain't.

[Dan Gerous]

Drone problem? No problem!

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/500x500/caption1_zpsup3cgyki_92fb4b77199142310097ea0c81c65b2f7a57919 8.jpg

[treadigraph]

If Heath-Robinson designed a Crew Rapid Egress System...

[Ascend Charlie]

"Hmmm, lemme see...have I finished the taxi checks.... I got a "Door Open" warning, I am using 95%thrust but can't move forward, ....'Air Force One, request taxi assistance, I can't see the centreline'. Oh look, they sent the "Follow Me" chopper ....Is that fat slug on board yet? (Hic..)"

[Dan Gerous]

Pacman goes into the air freight business. What could possibly go wrong!

[NutLoose]

"Well that's the transatlantic record in the bag for a Robinson helicopter"

[NutLoose]

"Ahhhhhhh in flight catering"

[c52]

An early concept for the 747, just a military freighter back then, provided a much wider fuselage for the air-launch of helicopters. Here seen in a mock-up.