Caption competition

[dazdaz1]

OMG... I thought a rabbit was something to eat.

[exuw]

Whoops! Pulled the wrong string.......

[Danny42C]

"Where's my blindfold, then ?"

[Dan Gerous]

..and in England they dance around their handbags.

[sadhatmo]

The cast from Foyle's War get some bayonet practice in between sets.

[SteveCox]

The girls from the Land Army learn the first stage of Rabbit Pie.

[StickMonkey3]

Giggly girls with live ammo.....

yes, well, it's all fun and games until somebody BREAKS A NAIL!!!

[Buster Hyman]

Few knew that Russia were the first with their version of the Spice Girls...the Spetsnaz Girls.

[SASless]

The SWO, upon seeing the Girls antics went ballistic, as their Hair was far beyond Standard and they were on.......the Grass!

[Danny42C]

Maidenhead Court Martial ?

[PingDit]

"Oh my God!... I think I've just had a negligent discharge!"

[Wensleydale]

I can do the "Hook and Look" bit but I'm not doing "C*ck" for anyone"!

[mr fish]

DAVID CAMERON announces state visit to Russia.

[NutLoose]

And they thought dads army was bad.

[NutLoose]

"She don't like it up em Mrs Mainwaring"

[PingDit]

"So then I showed him my gun!"

[Arm out the window]

"I started to get suspicious when you said your name was Helga, but the jackboots are a dead giveaway - now stop giggling and drop the gun, Nazi bitch!"

[NutLoose]

http://www.signsfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/women-and-arms.jpg


Ooooohhh.... I go all weak at the knees when you shout out "Cock it"

[Surplus]

And then the instructor said 'you hold the gun as firmly as you hold your boyfriend', I lost two teeth with the first shot.

[Cazalet33]

Moscow's Guard of Honour hears that they are to prepare for a State Visit by Rodham Clinton.

[Danny42C]

"I'm fed up with this "pig in the middle" - let's play something else !"

[DirtyProp]

:D
Damn good entries, boys!

Judging time by tomorrow evening (maybe sooner), keep'em coming!

[Dan Gerous]

PMS and AK47's, were ready to take on the world.

[Danny42C]

"Jolly hockey sticks !"

[Danny42C]

St. Trinian's OTC has a Field Day !

[simon brown]

"Just as well we are firing blanks girls"...."just like me 'usband luv"

[dazdaz1]

OMG!! My knicker elastic has snapped.

[Flap Track 6]

So, you thought ve vouldn't recognise you disguised as a voman, meester Bond, but ve are not as dumb as ve look. Ektarina, fetched ze rubber gloves ...

[exuw]

dazdaz1

Glad you thought my entry at 32174 was good......:hmm:

[DirtyProp]

Alright boys, judging time now.
(drum rolls, please)

3rd place:
Dan Gerous
PMS and AK47's, we're ready to take on the world.

2nd place:
Exuw
Whoops! Pulled the wrong string.......

The winner:
Buster Hyman
No, they're not battery operated but I can assure you...when an Ak-47 goes off between your legs, you won't care about the risks!

:D:D:D Take it away!

Nutty, you get the honorable mention, and also the coveted price of "Pprunish Perv of the week": :E
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........ Ooooooooohhhh, that's where I left it"

Well done to all of you!

[CoffmanStarter]

Quick grab Buster's Blood Pressure Pills ... It's a long time since he's been on the podium (maybe that should be Suppositories then) :E

Well played Buster :D:D:D:D

[SASless]

I guess even a Blind Hog can find an Acorn now and then!:D

[Buster Hyman]

Thank you DP. I shall have a pic up soon...

Point of order Coffman, I was runner up for the previous pic so stick that in yer pipe and smoke it! :p

[Buster Hyman]

http://www.arrse.co.uk/community/attachments/9-jpg.174791/

[SASless]

The CapCom Crew consider Buster's latest Contribution!

[Stanwell]

Chief Superintendent Smythe about to conduct a lesson on evacuation procedure.

[exuw]

Right, you horrible lot.

Come on, own up.

Which one of you had the chicken phall takeaway from the Bangalore Pavilion last night?

[Neptunus Rex]

"Well, Chief Superintendent, Mr Corbyn was sitting there, bragging that he was going to be a Privy Councillor, when he was struck by a huge lightning bolt from above."

:sad:

[exuw]

Which one of you is Armitage?

Stop Shanking, boy.

[exuw]

As you can see from the written instructions, logs longer than six inches are to be lowered by hand.

[exuw]

And that's why many people call us "the filth".

[exuw]

As you can see, lads, today's modern police force no longer uses the ball and chain.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Reason 311 in the list of reasons why instead of joining the police I should have joined the RAF !

[DirtyProp]

"What part of 'flushing after you're done' is not clear?"

[Flap Track 6]

There's not a lot to go on, Inspector!

[Wensleydale]

The next lesson is on how to deploy a stinger.

[Wensleydale]

And then we caught the robber who stole six dozen eggs...he was bound over for 9 months!

[CoffmanStarter]

And that's what happens if you have a crafty smoke in the bog at break ... We're still picking up the pieces from NutLoose ... formerly of the Lower V :uhoh:

[Tashengurt]

"And this is where our pensions went."

[Wensleydale]

And at the same time, some vandal made a big hole in the wall of the female shower block. My officers are looking into it.

[CoffmanStarter]

'Right you bunch of jokers ... Who was responsible for the large quantity of sodium bicarbonate and detergent in the bowl along with the concentrated citric acid in the cistern and then cling filming the seat ?'

'It was me Sir' ... 'Name ?' ... 'Martin Baker Sir' ;

The rest is history ...

[exuw]

The Serious Crimes Squad are still looking for the cowboy who installed this.

If you have any information please call Crimestoppers on 0800......

[Wensleydale]

I only told you to blow the bl**dy doors off!!

[Wander00]

Right, you newcomers to Newtown, yesterday we dealt with coal in the bath, today it is the replacement for the khazi at the bottom of the garden

[CoffmanStarter]

OMG ! ... The Goons have found Tom ! We'll have to close down Dick and push ahead with Harry going out under the Headmasters Office :uhoh:

[Roadster280]

The evacuees from Manchester were so primitive they had to be shown what a toilet was.

[Danny42C]

"Please, Chief Inspector, it was just part of our Initiation Ceremony. If Smith Minor's ears didn't stick out so far, he wouldn't have got so stuck that Mr. Chips had to call out Dyno-Rod !"

[dazdaz1]

Pay attention boys, is this the toilet Uncle Cyril requested you to sit on?

[PingDit]

"...and this is exactly where you'll all end up if you don't start turning up for school!"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Right you lads. You've got half an hour for the rest of this ablution block to mysteriously reappear, or there'll be hell to pay.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So you lot think that swiping the bog roll will stop the wheels of justice eh? Good thing I've brought along some backup.

[Danny42C]

"Which one of you has been downloading: "How to build your own Atom Bomb" from "Blue Peter" ?

[typerated]

The correct call at this point is


"1 in hot. Laser laydown target 2"

[NutLoose]

http://www.arrse.co.uk/community/attachments/9-jpg.174791/


Reight lads, T' crapper is now't ta worry about and t' show thas, we ave thee reight honerable Cyril Smith MP coming alongs to 'elp these learn hows T' use them. E' said 'ead give yers all wan T' wan tuition.

[NutLoose]

Plumbing? Sewer piapes? E' yas all spoilt lads, when ahh was a lad we didn't even 'ave a crapper......

[NutLoose]

Reight, who wants T' go first?

[NutLoose]

It's not a black Cistern lad, remember that, it's none white, it'll come in handy one day when you are elected.

[NutLoose]

I know the cistern does not match, but it's all because of racial diversity lad.

[NutLoose]

I know the cistern does not match the rest, but neither does your mums hair lad.

[exuw]

No, I don't know why there's a cat down the plughole in the sink holding a pencil either.

It's the spider in the toilet you've got to worry about.

[Danny42C]

"Always remember, Gentlemen Lift the Seat - and damn' well put it down afterwards !"

[exuw]

Now that we've got George Osborne as Chancellor, this is where you'll be dumping your future careers.

[exuw]

As Senior Executive Caretaker of the school, I thank you all for your applications for the post of Junior Janitor.

I 'ope you've brought your toothbrushes.

[Dan Gerous]

... and for those of you destined for the Herc fleet, you can forget about such luxury as this.

[Danny42C]

Elsans for ever !

[squeaker]

Toilet bowl mysteriously appears on high street.
Police are looking in to it.

[ValMORNA]

Please, Sir, may I be excused?

[Flap Track 6]

See this, luxury!
When I were a lad, we had to wade through six inches of snow to the bottom of the garden and then crap into a hole in the ground in the pitch dark. But you tell that to youngsters today and they won't believe you ...

[Flap Track 6]

Right, now which of you toe rags nicked all the copper pipework?

[NutLoose]

I've heard of it raining fish and frogs, but bogs? Come now boys, tell me the truth now.

[Danny42C]

"I know none of you will have seen one of these in the 'netty' back home, so let me tell you how it works"

[Stanwell]

Look, I don't care if we have to stand here all day...
Now, I'll ask again - Which of you 'orrible lot glued the Headmaster's portrait in there?

[Flap Track 6]

So, you lot want to be Officers in the Royal Air Force do you? Well, you'll have to get used to using equipment like this. There'll be non of this army style 'digging a hole in the ground and having a crap' nonsense - you'll be expected to behave like Gentlemen and use the proper etiquette.
Right, let's have a recap - you, Hoskins, which one of these do you use to wash your hands? Come on, come on, we haven't got all day ...

[Danny42C]

"Hoskins, that tame blackbird of yours is not supposed to come to school with you - and especially not perched on your nose !"

[Wensleydale]

We need a volunteer to sit on this and act as the target for a Reaper exercise.

[CoffmanStarter]

Chief Inspector Ballcock of the Yard didn't quite see the irony ...

[SASless]

In briefing the Board of Inquiry, the Chief Sup explained as there were no Muddy Foot Prints on the Seats or Urine found in the Sink drains....in his opinion that would rule out any Rocks being involved.

[Danny42C]

"All right, a joke's a joke, but this one's gone far enough ! If the missing Throne should reappear by tomorrow morning, we''ll say no more about it".

[Roadster280]

http://www.arrse.co.uk/community/attachments/9-jpg.174791/

As it was a weekend, no regular staff were available for Induction Day at Cranwell, so it was left to the MOD Plod:

"Right lads, we know it's not Sandhurst, but well done on getting in anyway. Now, can anyone tell me what one of these is?"

[Cazalet33]

Glaswegian Police Cadet English Lesson:

"Crap; Crapper; or Crappest.
Which is it, lads?"

[NutLoose]

"Nice thought lads, but I don't think the May Queen will like your choice of throne"

[exuw]

That's where the CapComp's going if Buster doesn't turn up for morning roll-call soon.

[NutLoose]

We traded Buster for it sir, it looks better, smells better and is more reliable.

[NutLoose]

You might think it's a crapper, but it's a wormhole really, on the other end of that bowl down a long hole is Busters, we dropped a Yule log or two in it earlier as a Christmas surprise for him.

[NutLoose]

But sir, it's not a crapper, it's the front seat out of Busters Pajero

[exuw]

Right, as you can see, Buster Gonad has sadly dropped an unfeasibly large bollock here.

[SASless]

The CapCom Crew knew if they waited long enough that Buster would make an appearance with a Pipe in his Mouth and a fresh Edition of the GuardIan tucked under his Arm!

[exuw]

HI! I'M BARRY SCOTT.....

[exuw]

Danny42C

Er, Ref#32270....

Not that I'm at all competitive, mind.

[Danny42C]

exuw,

Fair Cop, Guv ! Profound apologies ! Taken down.

Danny42C

[exuw]

Nutty, Coff, Danny and the gang were dying to ask Buster where he'd been but it was clear that Buster had already been - and gone.

[Buster Hyman]

4 days! It's been up for 4 days! I remember when the pics ran for a Month (then Nutty changed his prescription!)

Ok, last call Gentlemen (and Ladies). I shall judge tonight AESST or, for the technically challenged...in about 6 hours!

[Danny42C]

"Harpic reaches round the bend.....So does underwater cement.....Own up !!"

[CoffmanStarter]

QinetiQ takes delivery of their new High Speed wind tunnel ...

[ShyTorque]

"So here we are, gentlemen....the final lot....all that remains of the new, improved, National Police Aviation Service......now who will start the bidding?"

[exuw]

Now then, which one you dulltards can spot the deliberate mistake here?

[Buster Hyman]

Right-y-o! Time for Judging!

http://replygif.net/i/1370.gif

In Third place, Danny with;
"Hoskins, that tame blackbird of yours is not supposed to come to school with you - and especially not perched on your nose !" Runner up is Flap Track 6 with;
There's not a lot to go on, Inspector! But, the winner is Stanwell with;
Chief Superintendent Smythe about to conduct a lesson on evacuation procedure. :D:D:D

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played Stanwell old chap :D:D:D:D

[SASless]

Odd thing.....not even a mention of a post that had "Buster" innit!

Clear sign of Bias by the Judge in my View!:uhoh:

[exuw]

Well, there's no accounting for taste, eh, SASless? :rolleyes:

[Stanwell]

Well, goodness me chaps, I'm overwhelmed.


I'm not presently able to post a pic, so perhaps the runner-up, Flap Track 6, might be able to do the honours.


p.s. Judge Buster has been PM'd.

[SASless]

ex......Are you suggesting it was a crappy decision?

[NutLoose]

So Stanwell is a No1 and Flap track a No2? :E

Well played all :D:D:D

[Stanwell]

The standard of entries was very 'high'.

[CoffmanStarter]

Nutty ... Both of them are clearly Flushed with Success :\

[NutLoose]

We better not soil their achievement :E

[Flap Track 6]

Deeply honoured for the privilidge, etc etc

https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/682/20868720994_8a738687c4.jpg

[exuw]

An Air Marshal has been chosen to head the new Queen Elizabeth Carrier Force?

Please don't be so bloody ridiculous, man.

[Cazalet33]

And then I told them that an air force chappie's going to be in charge of the carrier.

Edited to add: Bugger! Beaten to the line by exuw.

[exuw]

Admiral: "I think I've fouled my prop."

Lieutenant: "Never mind, sir, I'll soon have you under way again."

[exuw]

Someone tells me that Sharkey has written another book.

[exuw]

The ratings, sir, turns out they do like it up 'em.

[CoffmanStarter]

Quite correct Lieutenant ... With all these Gold Aglets I'm self flushing :}

[NutLoose]

"You spend the first 30 years of your career in a barrel and you would be bent like this."

[NutLoose]

"Medals? Hahahaha. Didn't get to my rank getting into trouble"

[exuw]

Yes sir, your parrot's with the medical officer now, being given a course of Immodium.

[Roadster280]

"Pissed again, Sir?"

[CoffmanStarter]

'Splice the Mainbrace, Shiver me Timbers and Friggin in the Riggin' ... 'No ... sorry Sir, I don't quite understand your Banter' :}

[CoffmanStarter]

https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/682/20868720994_8a738687c4.jpg

[Wensleydale]

Now that the RAF chap is in charge, we can release the information about the 7 year delay and £3Bn overspend for the F-35.

[Tashengurt]

They always loved the old 'Action man tied to the sword' trick.

[Tashengurt]

"Roger the cabin boy! I just got it!"

[Buster Hyman]

No, honestly Sir, we're patrolling with the Italian Navy.

[SASless]

"Er....Sir....this is a Car Park actually....A Carrier has a pointy thing at one end and will have noisy airplanes on it after the turn of the next Century....maybe!"

[Danny42C]

"No sir - we're ashore. You're the one who's rolling !"

[exuw]

I'd do something about your halitosis before you go below to the wardroom if I were you, Lieutenant.

[exuw]

Will you be letting HRH The Prince of Wales have a turn at the helm when he comes aboard to inspect the ship later, sir?

[Buster Hyman]

...umm, but there are Women in the Navy Sir.

[ShyTorque]

"What's that, you really believed you could join the navy and fly jets?"

[exuw]

It seems, sir, that I am to be posted to the RAN as an exchange officer aboard one of their Collins-class boats.

[Buster Hyman]

But I thought that's what Rear Admiral meant...

[Wensleydale]

"If you please, Sir".


(For those who know Pinafore)

[Arm out the window]

Well, I've had a good go at the rum, perhaps you'll meet me later for some sodomy and the lash, eh Lieutenant?

[Wensleydale]

The dangly bit on your sword hilt reminds me of the First Sea Lord!

[Flap Track 6]

Do you think we'll get some shiny new kit as a result of SDSR15, Sir?

[Flap Track 6]

Do you think the PM cares about the strain we are under to deliver, sir?

[simon brown]

"So sir, I said to the Minister when he visited, "If you make any more defence cuts, this here is all we'll have left""

[SASless]

"Bring back the Tot?"

[exuw]

"Lieutenant Chilcot reporting for duty, sah!"

"I rather think you're a tad early, Lieutenant. Come back aboard in June or July next year."

[Danny42C]

The Admiral was quite Taken Aback by the warmth of his reception !

[exuw]

And this is how you do it Gangplank Style.

[Danny42C]

"Ships ? What were they ?"

[Danny42C]

The First Sea Lord contemplates the possibility of an all-Wren Crew.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Ratings openly smiling at Officers's jokes. Surely the Navy has not become that egalitarian?

[Buster Hyman]

Ha ha! No Commander Bond, I expect you to die!!!

[JAVELINBOY]

Just shown that Hillier chap the Golden Rivet sir

[Wander00]

It is a new version of Offenbach's "Three Gendarmes"

[WeeJeem]

...and then I said to wossisname, err, Failing, Falling, err, anyway you know the one I mean. I said to him "Well, if you think the Type 45s overran their budget, you wait til you see the bill for the Type 26s!"

Laugh? I thought I was going to shi... Oh, hang on.

[NutLoose]

"Sorry my slip, I meant to say, would you like to come back to my wardroom for a stiff tot, where I got bott from I don't know"

[NutLoose]

Damn boy, this thong is riding up my crack...

[Flap Track 6]

First Sea Lord shows he's prepared to bend over backwards for his men ...

[Danny42C]

♫ "There's somethin' the matter wi' Glasgie
For it's goin' round an' round" ♫

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Sir, the RAF Regiment is parading behind us...oh, you've already seen them.

[Danny42C]

"Stick close to your desk, and never go to sea,
And you can be the ruler of the Queen's Navee"

[cattletruck]

Whadaya mean you're upholding tradition? Unlike you lot I've already found a job in steel recycling and this boat will soon be pulled out from under your own feet.

[Buster Hyman]

HA! Broadsword!!!! Well, it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Danny Boy!

[Wander00]

Well, when I was a lad..........


(More apologies to "Pinafore")

[Danny42C]

"Hold your sword up straight, Lieutenant !"

[Wensleydale]

While we are in a very Pinafore mood.....




"Ralph Rackstraw - why is your uniform creased?


"Well Sir, your daughter told me 'Refrain audacious tar, your suit from pressing' ".

[Wander00]

WD - nice one!

[Onceapilot]

"But will the new carriers still have a golden rivet Sir?":ooh:

OAP

[Flap Track 6]

Would Stanwell care to judge as the winner from the last round?

[SASless]

The Crew demanded a Beer Ration....so we issued them Budweiser!

[exuw]

Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor, sir.

[not G&S]

[Stanwell]

OK, thanks Flap Track 6.
I can be totally impartial because I couldn't come up with a good one at all.


Judging 2 hours from now.

[Stanwell]

OK gentlemen, pencils down.
Many very good captions for this one makes it hard to pick. Thanks to all.


Righto...
Highly commended goes to Buster Hyman with...
"Ha ha! No Commander Bond, I expect you to die."


A very good second is ShyTorque with...
"What's that, you really believed you could join the navy AND fly jets?"


And, taking the top spot is...
(Drum roll, opens envelope..)
JAVELINBOY with...
"Just shown that Hillier chap the Golden Rivet, sir."


Take it away, JAVELINBOY.

[SASless]

Sounds like someone is going to get shafted!

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played JB 👏👏👏👏👍

[Danny42C]

Congratulations, Javelin Boy !

('Zounds - just too late for my: "Tell it to the Marines !") :*

D.

[exuw]

Looks like JAVELINBOY has dissa-speared. :}

Ithangyow

[Stanwell]

He's been PM'd.
I think we'll give it another hour - and if no response, perhaps the runner-up, ShyTorque can take it forward.

[Stanwell]

ShyTorque has been PM'd
Let's see if we get a response reasonably soon, otherwise it's either Buster or 'open house'.

[Buster Hyman]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/04/article-af68378b-0008-488b-b29e-8a381ee343c8-6UZ40MMKDHSK2-408_634x420.jpg

[Exrigger]

Test of first radio controlled, cheap, un-manned aircraft using only a hand controller, succesfully takes off

[Stanwell]

Thanks, Buster.


The Great Yung Fat Wun watches a demonstration of his latest terror weapon... radio-controlled MiG 17s.

(Edit: Oh dear, you beat me to it, Exrigger.)

[Wander00]

So when does it brow up my fat lazy corrupt uncle?

[CoffmanStarter]

Have that Pilot shot ... he got airborne before me :eek:

[CoffmanStarter]

Ya ... Roger that Tower 'Breaking Left' and staying low to make it look like an accident :E

[CoffmanStarter]

The DPRK announce the success of their first flight of the 'Flying Bog Roll' :uhoh:

[CoffmanStarter]

Comrade Wing Po ... are you sure we should be using a jet for crop spraying ... the crops look a little crispy :confused:

[Wensleydale]

Just before the man who shouted "is that an old Faggot?" was fed to the dogs.

[exuw]

I counted it out and I counted it back.

[exuw]

The secretary of the Pyongyang Spotters Club knew just where there was a gap in the security fence.

[exuw]

Airfix. Velly lealistic. Velly cheap.

[exuw]

The Fat Wun never went anywhere without his mobile VOR phased antenna array.

[CoffmanStarter]

The DPRK Press Agency have 'enthusiastically' announced that the Glorious Leader has opened the first 'People's State Crazy Golf Course' ... apparently it's a Par 45 on the first hole with a high degree of difficulty in driving the ball down the intake of a flying Mig to land on the green :E

[exuw]

The panel on Stlickry Come Destloying Capitalristic Lunning Dogs ponders its marks for artistic impression.

[Flap Track 6]

The official news agency of the Democratic Republic of Korea today denied that the Supreme Leader had become so fat that he couldn't get out of bed and that a life like remote controlled animatron was being used during public appearances instead.

[Wensleydale]

The North Korean President deploys his recce forces to see if the grass really is greener to the south of the border...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Boy, May Day celebrations are not what they used to be!

[exuw]

Red Flying Brick Six was the only one of the formation to make it back after the Chongjin airshow.

[Danny42C]

"If that drone of yours, Comrade General, defects to the South like Captain No Kum Bak, then you are dogburger meat ! :ooh:

[CoffmanStarter]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/04/article-af68378b-0008-488b-b29e-8a381ee343c8-6UZ40MMKDHSK2-408_634x420.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

'Glorious Leader we have finally tracked Buster's IP Address and cross referenced it to his postal code' ... 'Excellent work Lt Ying Tong Iddle I Po ... Order an immediate launch' :eek:

With a nod to the much loved Goon Show

[Arm out the window]

"Dear Leader, may I take this opportunity to say you are outstanding in your field!"

[JAVELINBOY]

Chuffed I won, busy cruising the Med so out of touch hand judging to second place
JB

[exuw]

# Much Binding in the Marsh #

[Buster Hyman]

As the patented rubber band launch system deployed the Mig, the Gloriuos Leader was reminded of how Pyonyang got its name...

[NutLoose]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/04/article-af68378b-0008-488b-b29e-8a381ee343c8-6UZ40MMKDHSK2-408_634x420.jpg

"I bought you the bluddy jet, whata you mean you want a hangar and tower as well, No No No... I cannot kill you by mortar fire if you clutter up the field with valuable assets"

[622]

Lt Yung Po was thinking at which point he should tell his glorious leader about the quick sand.

[NutLoose]

"Don't you think it's a bit low for a air superiority fighter General?"

"But Glorious Leader, if we fly higher it would get shot down"

[NutLoose]

"And the pilot knows to do a three pointer on General Sung?"

[Flap Track 6]

Generals are always accused of planning to re-fight the last conflict, but in the North Korean's case it's true - they are planning to re-fight the Korean War using exactly the same equipment as last time.

Doing precisely that same as what we did sixty five years ago will be the last thing the imperial capitalists will be expecting us to do, eh comrades? Last one in Washington is a rotten egg!

[CoffmanStarter]

'If Sir would like to stand perfectly still, I'll have the Hair Dryer make a quick pass and Sir's Bouffant will again be magnificent' :yuk:

[CoffmanStarter]

Ticket sales for the DPRK IAT were a little disappointing this year :E

[Buster Hyman]

You truly are the Glorious Leader! By standing here, you have cured Pilot Park It Soon's issue with landing on the grass!

[NutLoose]

Pilot here, "please tell the General his new birdscaring scarecrow isn't fat enough"
Tower here "what birdscarer?"

[Flap Track 6]

Yes, Glorious Leader, I have the self destruct controller in my hand. If he fly south, I press button and he no fly south.

[Wensleydale]

"Its for the Remembrance day flypast".


"What's Remembrance Day?"


"I forget".

[Flap Track 6]

Psst! Don't tell the Glorious Leader it's the same plane going round in circles - he thinks we've got dozens!

[Flap Track 6]

Yes, Glorious Leader, we now have the same number of front line fighters as our English capitalist oppressors, only ours are more modern!

[MPN11]

"Oi, Po Kee-Mon, where's my blurry chair?"

or ....

"When we get MiG-21 they will be very afraid."

or ...

"No problem, Great Leader-Thing, we have at least 6 more that are serviceable."

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Glorious Leader, please to stand very still. Once he lands we will find out which side of those signs contains the minefield.

[Danny42C]

"Keep your fingers crossed, Glorious Leader, and we might see it again!"

[Arm out the window]

"Don't stand too close to the runway, Sir, otherwise you will experience a great suction."
"Well, come ooooon, plane!"

[exuw]

Another defector scrambles the daily 06.00 hours service to sunny Seoul.

[Danny42C]

"Well, that's the last one away ! Shall we put out the lights, Glorious Leader, and go too ?"

[WeeJeem]

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/04/article-af68378b-0008-488b-b29e-8a381ee343c8-6UZ40MMKDHSK2-408_634x420.jpg "An rese Tlottas Tladas? Can rey be tlusted??"

[NutLoose]

"Ahh those Blitish, ve have seen their propoganda films of late, ve will take out zer mighty Vulcan bombers before ze even reach zer borders."

[Wensleydale]

North Korea rolls out its new air defence weapon........


"Now when you breathe in quickly, oh Glorious leader, the button will be propelled towards the aircraft at great velocity".

[Pontius Navigator]

Now I'll teach them to call me Fagot.

[reds & greens]

'Why dis grass grow quicker dan my hair...?'

[Wander00]

That's it, last time, now we can stop the fund raising that has kept it flying

[Danny42C]

"....Silent.....in wild surmise...."

[Dan Gerous]

FFS don't roll it, the Boss is watching.

[Danny42C]

"Is that all that's serviceable, Comrade General ?"

[Skycop]

What do you mean, we've eaten all the dogs? Fetch me the AA gun....

[Buster Hyman]

"Well, that's the last one away ! Shall we put out the lights, Glorious Leader, and go too ?"
"You know we don't have lights here...wait a minute...GUARDS! WE HAVE A SPY!!!!!"

[SASless]

Yes Dear Leader....against these the Lightning was good!

[Danny42C]

General (thinks): "the thing's propelled by hot air - just like you !"

[Buster Hyman]

But this is more like a goat track than an Alley! Decadent Westerners have no idea....

[exuw]

The Yung-Fat Wun looks on dejectedly as the last flight for a fortnight leaves out of Sharm el-Sheikh.

[WeeJeem]

Of course, the general had seen Yoda lift the X-Wing, but until now had assumed it had all been done with special effects.

[exuw]

Crombie unveil their advertising campaign image for Christmas 2015.

[Danny42C]

"Wull ye no come back again ?"

[Arm out the window]

"Yes, cutting edge technology all right Dear Leader ... oh, sorry, I was talking about your hair clippers. The aeroplane? It's an antique!"

[Danny42C]

"And that, Glorious Leader, concludes our 2015 Air Display !"

[WeeJeem]

Pilot-Officer Lan Park Un-Pee had had enough of caption competitions - he just wanted a winner announced so that he could live up to his name.

[cattletruck]

Special lunch order on its way.

[NutLoose]

"OK, found him and you're correct he isn't wearing a tabbard, but do you want to come down from the tower and tell him that?"