Caption competition

[Buster Hyman]

"Cor, I think that's Messersschmitt!"
"Leave my wife out of it!"

[c52]

"I was on point duty for road traffic. You were not required to perform an emergency stop just because I held up my right hand.

"And anyway, if you must do an emergency stop, you have to maintain full control over your vehicle."

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

Ere sarge our Albert told me these Stukas suffer timing chain issues like many German engines

[Kiltrash]

Time to call a halt to this one so we can get a fresh one up for the weekend.
Mine would have been along the lines

Pilot... Well your slogan is 'Beware the Hun in the Sun' , ours is 'Beware SO Harvey skinny dipping', we got distracted and the rest is History

or

Plod... Well Punk do you feel lucky, I forgot how many shots I fired and remember this is a Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, well Punk do you feel lucky?

or(and my favourite)

Pilot... Gott in Himmel what happened?

Plod 1 ....Well first we cracked your Enigma codes and now read in real time your High Command messages so we knew when, how many of you, your target , height and Speed. Then our Radar saw you actually take off from Calais and track you across the Channel. Then we scrambled our Meteor Jet Fighter, top speed 438 MPH at 30500 feet to intercept you and we brought you down with our LASER Light Weapon. That's what happened. Now anything else?

Nav. ....Oh where are we

Plod 2... Sorry can't tell you that, it's a secret

Off to a darkened room to have a look

Kiltras

[Kiltrash]

"My name is Hess and I am on a mission to persuade your Prime Minister to revoke Article 50. Take me to your leader."

-- "Leader - ooh dear, I don't think we've got one of those."

Earns C52 first prize

So many to choose from,

Honourable Mention to Nutty with "I've been sent by the RAF, they are having budget issues at the moment and have asked me to ask you if they could have their bullets back please"

and to Treadjgraph with Right sir, I understand you wish to make a complaint about somebody shooting at you. Can you give me a description of the perp or did you get his number?

Many thanks and C52 lets be havin you

K

[c52]

Thank you very much.

If I may say so, the picture was particularly well-chosen. I am working (as hard as any public body) to choose as felicitously.

[c52]

https://cimg8.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/960x586/cc1_17821009024ea2026ee365b04a23e87f3c67e767.png

[Kiltrash]

Babe Magnet. Well who could refuse a Pussy or Man in Uniform

[Kiltrash]

In the days when smoking was allowed when refuelling

[Kiltrash]

After a particularly low pass over Berlin Zoo Fritz discovered the reason everyone ran away when he landed

[Ascend Charlie]

"Is that a Focke-Wulf?"

"No, it's a fockin' lion!"

[Wensleydale]

"When Hans was told to take pride in his uniform...."

[cavuman1]

Simba is limber, but beware of von Werra, I'm not lion...

- Ed

[NutLoose]

"I see the Iraqi divisions fresh rations have arrived."

[NutLoose]

"Roll on the barrel......"

[NutLoose]

During the Spanish Civil war Luftwaffe units often found themselves deployed to the Catalan areas of Spain.

[NutLoose]

Esso said put a tiger in your tank, but due to fuel shortages, Germany was forced to use lions.

[NutLoose]

"Ve have had it spayed, ve might be losing zer second vor, but three lions beating us at zer football vorld cup vill be too much."

[treadigraph]

Elsa takes instruction on how to deal with Joy Adamson

[Buster Hyman]

I take her with me, just in case I crash land in England again....

[Buster Hyman]

Mein Gott! I've just got the results of the Cat Scan....

[Buster Hyman]

Yes, I know it's just a big cat, but Hitler wants us to turn it into a Bomber!

[Ascend Charlie]

"Nein, I haff zeen ze pictures, zat iss definitely not Zection Ofizier Harvey's pussy."

[Wensleydale]

Manfred finally achieved his ambition of joining the Flying Circus.

[Wensleydale]

Having made a force landing in the Tiergarten, Manfred was pleased to find that his aircraft was only Cat 1.

[Kiltrash]

The Britishers would not dare shoot me down, they are a island of animal lovers

[Kiltrash]

No Heinrich the Fueher named it Operation Sealion

[Kiltrash]

Your Mission Simba should you accept it will be to Parachute into Downing Street and be adopted by Winston. He will fall in love with you and take you to Cabinet meetings. Round your neck is a micro Radio transmitter and don't ask where we have hidden the aerial.

[Wensleydale]

Think yourself lucky! The wingman on the other schwarm is a chimp.

[Wensleydale]

"We're gonna hang all our washing on the Siegfried Lion, have you any dirty washing mother dear......."

[Hydromet]

When Manfred was told that he'd do his initial training in a Cub, this wasn't what he expected.

[Kiltrash]

Off Camera Von Nutty to Von Buster...Vy do Allied Airmen find humour in all pictures and we do not ??, Von Buster replied because we are Germans?

[Buster Hyman]

You weren't kidding when you said you had Catnip Otto!

[Kiltrash]

While you are up there Tiddles. Don't have a ' Tiddle' as it would rot the skin ,

[treadigraph]

Ya ya, three 20mm cannon, good for elephant or hippo, for smaller game twin machine guns fire through zer prop - ist gut, huh? Your pride vill be best in Serengeti, never go hungry again!

[treadigraph]

A very young Clarence the Cross Eyed lion and how he got his name...

[racedo]

Darwin Award, not named after Charles but his cousin Karl Darwin, as he put his pet lion on a wing he laughed and said, Lion will not hit that lever as otherwise gun would go off and killl m,.........

[racedo]

Zoo alors vot is happenin to our pilots

[Kiltrash]

Clarence. Who said that?
or
​​​​​ What am I doing up here?
or
Honest there was a mouse down there

[Kiltrash]

If they can train a chimp to fly a spacecraft surely a lion piloting a aircraft should be simple

[andytug]

"What is that over there?"
"That is the Officers Mess Simba. You must never go there."

[treadigraph]

Nein, nein, it goes "dakka dakka dakka dakka", not "daktari, daktari, daktari, daktari..."

[Buster Hyman]

"Ahh, well here's your problem. The driving spring is loose"
"Mein Gott! Thanks Felix!"

[ivor toolbox]

and zo....zer Emil.. it iz definitely Cat 1 capable..

Ttfn

[ivor toolbox]

Ya.... he iszt cheaper to keep zan an armaments fitter

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

As an endangered species Simba was sad when told he would be grounded

[Kiltrash]

Snowflake Pilot complains that when the guns fire BANG BANG BANG they make too much noise, the Armament fitter suggests a fur lined muffler

[Kiltrash]

Clarence the cross eyed Pilot finds a soul mate
or
Clarence the cross eyed Pilot requests the guns to be synchronised to 25 yards, so not even he could miss

[Buster Hyman]

...and so, the legend that is Flying Tigers was born.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Werner had fallen for the oldest trick in the book: distracted by the cute and cuddly cub, he had failed to notice the rest of the pride had come up behind him.

[ivor toolbox]

So...Simba.... you have gotten more kills than me

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

With typical ruthless German efficiency if Simba could walk across the wing de-icing was not required

[Kiltrash]

Your Mission Simba, should you accept is to Parachute into Scampton and eliminate the black labrador so the British have to cancel op Chastise as they no longer have a successful codeword

[Kiltrash]

To ensure the loyalty of the fighter squadron the SS recruit nasty little 5 footers

[NutLoose]

"Can you get the **** out of the way, the Penguins want to take off"

[NutLoose]

"I realise JG1 are known as Richthofen's Circus, but this is bloody ridiculous"

[Wensleydale]

"I realise JG1 are known as Richthofen's Circus, but this is bloody ridiculous"

Although to be fair, JG2 was the Richthofen Sqn............

[Buster Hyman]

And when we get this baby up to 88mph, you'll see the fur fly!

[Kiltrash]

Your Radio call sign of Brown Lion does seem particularly appropriate

[Kiltrash]

Let me get this correct, after each mission you want to paint Wilderbeast on the engine cowling?

[Kiltrash]

After ONE successfull landing where the aircraft CAN be reused Von Hoskins now sets his eye on becoming a Lion Tamer. How hard can that be?

[Kiltrash]

Heinrich, the Squadron golf champion is faced with a nasty little four footer

[Kiltrash]

Having flown seventeen missions without success, the CO decides that Heinrich needs someone to show him how it's done.

[NutLoose]

Although to be fair, JG2 was the Richthofen Sqn............

Ahemmm....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagdgeschwader_I_(World_War_I)

[c52]

Judging time tonight as I'm going away for a few days.

[Wensleydale]

Ahemmm....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagdgeschwader_I_(World_War_I)

Ahem... We are looking at a WW2 photo here.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagdgeschwader_2

[Penny Washers]

All cats are great hunters. This youngster has decided to take the skill to a new level by using the latest technology to pounce on her prey.

Here, she is checking the Mauser 27mm cannon before her next mission.

[Kiltrash]

Nutty and Wensley are having a big cat fight

[Wensleydale]

Nutty and Wesley are having a big cat fight

Not really - its just a discussion about timing (and I got my Flying Circus caption in first!!)

[ivor toolbox]

"Von Werra... Where did you get that thing?"

"Bought him off a guy in a pub, said his name was 'Fluffy'"

"Not the Lion.... your hat!.... it doesn't fit"

Ttfn

[c52]

Let's have an Announcement:

Buster wins for willfully misinterpreting the picture with ...and so, the legend that is Flying Tigers was born.

The CST is being freighted to you on a well-known if defunct airline.

...

There could be half-a-dozen honourable mentions - if you think you deserve one, the please help yourself.

[Buster Hyman]

One mans ' willfully misinterpreting' is another mans 'Artistic licence', ...or Nutty's failed use of Wikipedia...

Regrdless, I thank you for the honour & will dust off the CST Shrine for its impending arrival. In the mean time....lets give Young Fat Won another crack!


https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/mm00279307_0_21d1d9f11093a05534c58a10ab025b681b7c2d50.jpg

[Kiltrash]

The Grand National winner is retired to stud.The horse looks worried

[treadigraph]

Has anyone seen my hat?

[Kiltrash]

After the War between NK and USA the only things to survive the Nuclear Winter are Horses and Cockroaches

[treadigraph]

An illustration of the term "back breaking work".

[Kiltrash]

After the picture was taken the Horse threw Young Fat Won off into a pile of Horse Sh1t. The Generals were ALL executed for laughing

[treadigraph]

Broke Back Man Mountain

[treadigraph]

What do you mean "Putin would be doing this bare chested?"

[Kiltrash]

Young Fat Won is proud to show off the gift he received from President Putin, wonderers why Trojanski was ticking?

[treadigraph]

Sir, sir, they're making fun of me again on PPRuNe! Make them stop...

[Ascend Charlie]

Not often you see the horse's head and the horse's @rse in the same photo.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Oh, Grorious Reader, you rook just rike Cisco Kid...except he wore a fancy black costume...and a sombrero...and he had a sidekick called Pancho...and he wasn't Asian...and he didn't wear grasses....and the people riked him..."

[treadigraph]

The Spaghetti Western became even more cheesey...

[Kiltrash]

Milky Bar Kid done well

[Penny Washers]

A prize for wilful misrepresentation? - Then this one should be "the straw that broke the camel's back."

Some straw!

[c52]

"See, if I lean forwards and stick my tongue out, the horse turns into a unicorn."

[Ascend Charlie]

"Quick, take the picture! This ice sculpture horse is starting to melt!"

[Kiltrash]

Glorious Leader wants to be invisible to the American spy satellite wonders why his Uncle insisted he wore dark colours

[Hydromet]

It was just a little fart, then suddenly... Just as well no one else here gets to eat meat.

[Kiltrash]

Decoy no 5 look just like me, except fatter

[Kiltrash]

Having successfully made it over the mountain Fat Won manages to avoid his border guards and defect to the South

[treadigraph]

You ain't Tom Mix and luckily for you I ain't Tony the Pony...

[Ascend Charlie]

"How you start this thing? I say Hi-Ho Silver, awaaaaayyy, but nothing happen..."

[Surplus]

Does anybody else feel like a little giggle when I mention my friends Woy Wogers and Twigger?

[ivor toolbox]

Sombody tell him the word was kemosabe...

Ttfn

[treadigraph]

This my new white charger... it topping up battery on my mobile phone.

or...

Confucious, he say "Yerrow tail mean horse take piss too".

[Kiltrash]

That's it Glorious Leader we can Photoshop out the kiddies fairground carousel and green screen in a manly horse on a snowbound winter wilderness, ready for your Christmas cards

[NutLoose]

"Vewy good wide, though I seem to have lost my wope and General Chung who I was dwagging along behind.... we either need better wope or we go back to death by mortar."

[NutLoose]

"Sowwy, it's the cold weather, i'm a little hoarse"

[NutLoose]

"When i said I want a white female I can get my spurs into and wide for ever, I meant a woman.."

[NutLoose]

"Ok I have finished my wide, tell them they can wepaint the gwass back to gween!"

[NutLoose]

"It's an ex police horse"
"How can you tell?"
"It's got a cnut half way up its back"

[c52]

"Are you sure I need to 'smile', and is this near enough to what you want?"

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/mm00279307_0_21d1d9f11093a05534c58a10ab025b681b7c2d50.jpg

You no worry horse. This not England, we only eat dogs.

[c52]

"The comrade who left my gloves at home, and the comrade who economised on pockets in my coat will see me in my study after prayers tomorrow morning."

[cavuman1]

"From Spaghetti Westerns to Kimchee Easterns in one lifetime", opined Clint Eastwood.

- Ed

[treadigraph]

I make convincing John Wayne, huh? “Don’t say it fine morning or I shoot ya”. See?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Honorary commander of North Korea's 1st Cavalry Division poses in front of his troops, who have sworn to "follow him anywhere!"

[racedo]

Who is for 2 pints of milk there and a little cream delivered to the front porch.

[racedo]

Clapham High Street pulling a milk float doesn't seen so bad now.

[racedo]

He was Kimmy and he was the fattest milkman in the East.

[ShyTorque]

"How many Hans high? No, that was the German pilot in the last caption photo!"

[NutLoose]

Having the little fat one on ones back, the colour soon drained out of Black Beauty.

[NutLoose]

Joey fondly remembered the good times, wrapped in barbed wire and being chased by a tank through no mans land, much better than his current predicament.

[NutLoose]

"Yes it's a female unicorn, I was informed that only the male has a horn"

[Big Pistons Forever]

Why yes the horses name is Donald Trump, how did you guess ?

[treadigraph]

I wanted white Starion... you know, the car by Mitsubishi. Nincompoops!

[Kiltrash]

Glorious Leader I know he is your assistance animal but there really is no space on the Submarine

[Kiltrash]

In a remake of the Milk Tray advert the producers are disappointed the women reject the chocolates and 'hero' in favour of the horse

[Kiltrash]

'Look at that pri@k on that horse' is the cry from the troops

[treadigraph]

I always dreamed of this moment... me on a snow white charger, my silken breasts heaving in excitement... Don't write that down!

[ShyTorque]

"Where did you find that fat beast?"

"I was at my stable and he just climbed on!"

[Kiltrash]

I hear the Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse are looking for a Forth for Bridge

[NutLoose]

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/image_8e1ceee6788f02d07971db4d4800bcce3a21e0f7.png

[NutLoose]

"The stars on the harness?...... Ahh yes, I get idea from ww2 movies, each wone represents a General i have kil..... erm re-educated."

[NutLoose]

"Why you play "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" as the background music?, you know glorwious brother meet twagic end and pass away peacefully in malaysia."

[Kiltrash]

Don't know why Donald gets worked up about Female Astronauts when this is the first horse fired into space and returned safely. Severe flatulence too near the tomb of the unknown warrior

[Kiltrash]

Why are they above the tree line and a bit dangerous? Well the horse is the re incarnation of his dead half brother and looks to take revenge

[Kiltrash]

Kim takes Lukes part on the ice planet in Star Wars where the great and good Empire soundly defeats the evil American DarthTwump

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Glorious Leader prepares to showcase NK's industrial heartland.

[NutLoose]

"I realwise it has been a looong walk, but just over my left shoulder you vill see your new homes, built in conjunction with my new fweind Pootin, welcome citizens to your new town, i have named Gulag"

[Kiltrash]

North Korea Tourist Authority prepares to welcome visitors to Pyongyang. Practice with Kim visiting Newcastle ( UK or OZ makes no difference )

[Kiltrash]

Why is Kim smiling? Battery powered willy warmer

[racedo]

I brought lunch.

[racedo]

New movie "Charge of the Fat Brigade"

[treadigraph]

Never underestimate the importance of being well-bred...

[Dan Gerous]

His name is Trojan. He was a gift from my dear departed brothers family.

https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1200x800/image_8e1ceee6788f02d07971db4d4800bcce3a21e0f7.png

[c52]

... always winter but never Christmas, in the workers' paradise.

[Ascend Charlie]

The miracles of Photoshop, Hopalong Cassidy disappears and Grorious Reader is sitting on Topper. The only thing missing is the dozen generals studiously taking notes.

[cattletruck]

No two snowflakes are the same.

[622]

After his latest missile test, Glorious Leader takes a celebratory horse ride through downtown Pyongyang

[Kiltrash]

Kim does not remember that the invite was for a Halloween party

[Kiltrash]

Well the invite was ' Come as you are'

[Kiltrash]

....and bring a friend.

[Kiltrash]

At the press announcement Kim tells the world he will have to change the date for the North Korea Election from 12 December as President Putin will be otherwise engaged

[c52]

"Why is the horse wearing medals? Destroy this photo, and send a supersonic heavy-life helicopter to my Treasury to bring my medals for the correct, official photo."

[Kiltrash]

Kim takes part in North Korea GotTalent, finds he is the only competitor
It's fun to stay at the YMCA
It's fun to stay at the YMCA

[Dan Gerous]

Hey Trump, I challenge you to a race? You can use your own spurs.

[Kiltrash]

Having fallen of the horse more times than he can remember, Kim decides a hard hat is not for him. The falls have not knocked any sense into him

[Kiltrash]

The perfect haircut for a 'look mum no hands handstand'

[Kiltrash]

The North Korean official Boot Licker (Trump) foresees a particularly difficult clean up soon

[Wensleydale]

Tony McCoy's let himself go!

[Buster Hyman]

Okay. I think Young Fat Won has had a good run.

Honourable mention to Kiltrash for mentioning the planet Hoth in his entry! :ok:

The topical award goes to C52 with;
"See, if I lean forwards and stick my tongue out, the horse turns into a unicorn."

Runner up; Kiltrash with:
After the War between NK and USA the only things to survive the Nuclear Winter are Horses and Cockroaches

But, todays winner is Treadigraph with*;
I wanted white Starion... you know, the car by Mitsubishi. Nincompoops!
*mainly because I love the back story to the Starion, regardless of whether its an urban myth or not!

Carry on Treads!:ok:

[Kiltrash]

Well done Treadigraph. Thinking outside the box. What's your solution to # Brexit

[treadigraph]

Oooops, thanks Buster, just seen this, been sulking about events in Yokohama!

Try this for a couple of days:

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x450/billyray911_5582ef4b1f7c2f0ca60ce700d5a886cecf61455d.jpg

[NutLoose]

"If one pulls out of a junction and totals a peasant, there will be no witnesses"

[Surplus]

Brexit? I'll give Boris the Blade a Brexit he'll remember.

[NutLoose]

"A swift yank on ones trigger and the yank is finished....moooohhhhhhaaaaahahahaaaaaha"

[NutLoose]

"In the good old days one would say orf with their heads, nowadays one has to orf them oneself"

[Kiltrash]

This officer? I think it was Princes Margaret's lighter she left in the glove box

[Kiltrash]

When they return send me the Manager

[Kiltrash]

Harry asked me to hold it for him as I do not get security checked before our visit to Mr Markle

[Kiltrash]

The names Bond, Mrs Bond

[Kiltrash]

I want a bacon roll with 3 crispy rashers and brown sauce like in the advert, and don't even think about short changing me on quality

[Kiltrash]

and finally, HMTQ welcomes Prince Charles back from the Japanese Coronation but she needs to beef up her protection

[Big Pistons Forever]

I have every confidence the Royal family will be safe after brexit

[Big Pistons Forever]

I am taking steps to ensure Prince Andrew's "adventures" in America are not going to cause further embarrassment to the Monarchy !

[Big Pistons Forever]

You just can't get good help these days......

[Wensleydale]

The James Bond franchise reveals the identity of the new actress who will play Miss Moneypenny.

[ShyTorque]

"Go ahead Trump - make my day!"

[Kiltrash]

Mr Official Portrait Painter you have a disgruntled client to see you

[Kiltrash]

Sky News..... The Police issue a photo fit of the person they are seeking in the murder of.... ( insert your least favourite person here)
Belive they are not leaving the country as they do not have a Passport

[Kiltrash]

As the children have overspent the budget. The head of the house seeks to improve the financial position, while also acting as the get away driver

[NutLoose]

"Yes officer it's a Range Rover, i believe it's in the options package"

[NutLoose]

"I believe it was Mama's, she used to practice on squirrels and empty gin bottles"

[NutLoose]

"You like it? I got it off Charlton Heston, he said one would have to pry it out of his cold, dead hands, one can tell you, breaking fingers make a dreadful sound"

[racedo]

Punk, do you feel lucky !!!!!

[racedo]

White van man ........ In what Universe do you think cutting an old lady up on Hyde Park Corner then giving her the finger would be a good idea. Punk.

[racedo]

If you can get past the killer corgi's and over the fence before I count to 5 then you have escaped.

[Kiltrash]

Yes Ma'am, but why the silencer?, well on the NHS this new hearing aid is soo good

[Dan Gerous]

"Both hands on the wheel Liz".
"Oh shut up Phillip".

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x450/billyray911_5582ef4b1f7c2f0ca60ce700d5a886cecf61455d.jpg

[c52]

My feet are killing me - well, one bad turn deserves another - where is the minion who is supposed to break my shoes in for me?

[c52]

"If I have to guard the Palace myself I insist on having the correct uniform and headwear."

[racedo]

Philip, leave the Fiat and get in the car, we need to get to Calais quick, nobody saw us.

[c52]

Nice fur-lining on the wiper switch - I want the same on the trigger.

[racedo]

My parking spot, want to argue ?

[Wensleydale]

"Practise makes Perfect!!!"


https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/968x681/guardsman_collapsed_1__692233bd447b52414bbe1eb9d938727ed15a3 b90.jpg

[Wensleydale]

"Gun firing, gun firing, gun stops. One checks rounds in the magazine......"

[racedo]

So much easier than doing it with Philip driving the coach and horses. Then it was Clop Clop Clop Bang and Clop Clop Clop.

[racedo]

Charles has always been willing to wait for the Throne once he knew I was a crack shot.

[racedo]

70 years of being a hit lady and no one guessed that this sweet little old lady has Cojones of steel.

[racedo]

Amazing how many people think State dinners are for show, like I want to waste an evening with morons, I'm just measuring them up for the hit.

[Buster Hyman]

Windsor, Betty Windsor....

[Buster Hyman]

The mystery of the hole in the roof of the Range Rover has just been solved.. .speed humps!

[Hydromet]

Right ho, Meghan. Off we go into the tunnel and I'll show you how it should done!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Abdicate? I think not!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

So what do you call this one?
It's the Range Rover SAE, maam.
SAE?
South African Edition, maam.

[Buster Hyman]

"Is that the Reporter Philip?"....

[Ascend Charlie]

"We are planning a One-Gun Salute for Mr Markle's visit..."

[Kiltrash]

With Hoskins driving the State Coach it was felt prudent to give Liz an emergency stop handle

[Kiltrash]

Jeanette Charles goes out in a blaze of glory. ..Johnson, Corbyn, Sturgeon and for good measure Abbott. Later receives a Royal Pardon

[Ascend Charlie]

"I mean you no harm, Mr Trump, but you are standing where I am about to shoot..."

[ivor toolbox]

"Ok Mr Cruise.... you can take the rubber mask off now.."

Ttfn

[ivor toolbox]

Oh goody.... it's ones annual 'Go' on the Top Gear test track... now who is the Stig?

Ttfn

[ivor toolbox]

Sir Ridley Scott does better than Danny Boyle when casting for next installment of 'Terminator' franchise

Ttfn

[ivor toolbox]

That's right officer.... I don't have a driving licence either....

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

Well that's the new up to date design for the Christmas issue of stamps. Peace and Goodwill to all men, women and prefer not to say....

[cattletruck]

Off to put a cap or two in ol' Boris.

[Kiltrash]

Obviously taken on private grounds, I mean the Queen would not break the laws of he land by driving without a seat belt, would she ....

[Kiltrash]

This Peasant shoot from the comfort of ones Range Rover is quite pleasant. Should that not be Pheasant shoot ma'am? I know what I meant

[Kiltrash]

When Queenie has to pop down the local Nisa for tea bags and bourbon she goes in disguise as a drug dealing anarchist. Fit in with the locals she does

[Kiltrash]

Trick or treaters are discouraged from knocking on no 1 London

[Kiltrash]

Tory's announce a relaxation on the gun laws for the over 95's. Seen as a election gimmick to gain 1 vote.
Boris did not know HMTQ does not have a vote

[ivor toolbox]

One normally uses a Glock, but I've borrowed this one from Mr Bond

Ttfn

[ivor toolbox]

Now..... Where's that Sturgeon woman....

Ttfn

[Dan Gerous]

The next person who calls me "Funnyfanny", gets it.

https://cimg0.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/524x450/billyray911_5582ef4b1f7c2f0ca60ce700d5a886cecf61455d.jpg

[Big Pistons Forever]

Really, doesn't Her Majesty know "gun control" means using both hands.

[Big Pistons Forever]

So Constable Bloggins, why did you pull me over ?

"Distracted driving is an offence under the Motor Vehicle Act, Your Majesty"

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ Looks forward to her guest appearance as barmaid in the Queen Vic feels she needs to get into cousin Barbara's (Windsor's) traits

[Kiltrash]

Assassin drives through Emmerdale village, no one bats a eyelid

[Kiltrash]

If the bitch in the box tells me one more time I am exceeding the speed limit she gets it

[Kiltrash]

Are you not worried about your finger prints on the gun?...... Who said these are my fingers?

[Ascend Charlie]

"A couple of phut-phut-phuts will put a stop to Philip making similar noises..."

[Buster Hyman]

"Betty! Republicans, 2 o'clock!"

[Kiltrash]

Look I can handle Boris fecking up Brexit and even lying to me, but loosing the free TV Licence for over 75's is a step too far

[Kiltrash]

Stop moaning you #me too lot, I'll show you how to get your own back

[Wensleydale]

I've just borrowed some of those modified targets from the Army chaps in Afghanistan. Don't understand the Fuss as we all used to shoot at Jerry during the War!!

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Won thanks for meeting me now about this 'Rolex ' you sold me

[Kiltrash]

First rule of assassination, kill the assassin. Sorry nothing personal it's the rule

[622]

No Ma'am, when we said silence the offensive weapon...we meant Gag the Duke!

(There goes my knighthood! ;))

[NutLoose]

"They don't like it up em...."

[Penny Washers]

Cuts to service expenditure mean that even senior staff officers have to consider themselves in the front line.

[ivor toolbox]

Come out Nutloose.... we know where you are.....

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

Officer...have you any Id Madam ?
Liz.... Any coins or notes in your pocket?

[MPN11]

"I am the SiG"

[Kiltrash]

Is that how this Stig dies?

[Kiltrash]

Bit of a disagreement with the Ascot VAR officials

[Kiltrash]

The new Speaker of the House of Commons decides to move Brexit on and will not tolerate delaying tactics

[treadigraph]

Judging tomorrow around 7am - last orders please ladies and gents...

[Ascend Charlie]

"Now, where is this Section Officer Harvey? She has some questions to answer about her knowledge of my son Andrew...Perhaps one should look for Andrew instead..."

[treadigraph]

Lots of great entries, several regulars may find themselves heading for the tower… Herewith the results gleaned over my early morning cup of tea:

A late dash by Kiltrash secured the silver top:

The new Speaker of the House of Commons decides to move Brexit on and will not tolerate delaying tactics

Edit: I loved the reference to Jeanette Charles as well...

But the winner of the gold top and, of course, the CST is Ivor Toolbox:

Sir Ridley Scott does better than Danny Boyle when casting for next installment of 'Terminator' franchise

I believe when the photo was taken, she was singing a track by her favourite rock band:

One’s the Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Gunsight like a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

[NutLoose]

James Cameron will be rolling in his bed to think his films have been claimed by Ridley Scott who of course was responsible for the Alien series........ :E

But hey, that's Hollywood ;) :p

Congrats Ivor :)

[Kiltrash]

Daily Mail Motto#
"Never spoil a good story with Facts"
Well done Ivor.... GRR

[ivor toolbox]

Thanks all. Aviation keeping me busy today... I'll have a rummage for picture to pop up later.

Ttfn

[Kiltrash]

Caption waiting for picture
Hoskins answers the door 2 days before the Election is glad to find it is only Carol Singers

[treadigraph]

Few had ever heard of Pinky and Perky's wartime service with the Special Operations Executive...

[c52]

"We're not Flowerpot Men. We are the Home Guard and in the name of the King I order you to respect our air-raid shelters."

[NutLoose]

Bungle, Zippy and that other one in the Labour party that can't add up, knocked on my door the other day.

[NutLoose]

Dianne Abbott when asked about her multicultural background replied, you know, multi, as in more than two but less than one..