Caption competition

[Danny42C]

"Is it a Free Range Bird ?"

[andytug]

Results are in….honourable mentions for:

Nutloose

“BAe mishearing the request, respond to the MOD's request for a cheap air superiority aircraft at a poultry cost.”

and Hempy

“All I did was call "fox 1" and the damned thing turned for home all by itself! “

but my favourite – Nutloose again with:

“Hoskins remembers a time when going to War as a conscientious objector simply entailed receiving a white feather in ones mail"

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played Nutty :D:D:D:D

[NutLoose]

Thanks guys, reformatting the pc so try this one from ABC news


http://a.abcnews.com/images/International/RT_kim_jong_un_6_kab_150204_16x9_992.jpg

[Wensleydale]

The successful bidder for the MOD catering contract tries out his new recipes.

[Wander00]

That's one hell of a dump.............................

[PingDit]

"And this sausage all for me yes?"

[MPN11]

"Ah, now that's what I call a Noodle"

[zetec2]

See what happens to those that oppose me, they end up here, soylent green all over again ?.

[Danny42C]

Alas, poor Fido ! I knew him well

[Wensleydale]

"Hello, Uncle".

[Wander00]

Trying for an alternative to French boudin blanc and boudin noir, boudin bruin......

[Buster Hyman]

"...and that's all that is left of your Uncle...Now, you're going to be a good Citizen aren't you?"

[Buster Hyman]

From this, we can make any burger we like at McKim's Family Restaurant!

[Buster Hyman]

Guy on left: "...IT'S A COOKBOOK!!!!"

[andytug]

"See here how we render down our enemies to make food for our glorious armies of the revolution! "

[andytug]

"Then we put it on top of the glorious revolutionary missile and kill the capitalist pig-dogs!"

[c52]

"For not having a notebook and pencil to preserve my every thought for posterity, I sentence you to death."

[Danny42C]

"I'm damned glad I don't have to eat this rubbish myself !"

[Danny42C]

"Looks like what comes out of the wrong end of a water buffalo !"

[Danny42C]

"We'll call it Pyongyang Paté !"

[Danny42C]

"This'll keep 'em on the run !"

[Danny42C]

Cook: "If he samples this, I hope it chokes him !"

[Danny42C]

"I hope only Free Range mutts went into this ?"

[Wensleydale]

The first round of the Great North Korean Bake-Off went ahead despite there being only one competitor.

[CoffmanStarter]

Glorious Leader ... I'm sure we need to generate a much greater pressure to achieve nuclear noodle fusion :8

[JAVELINBOY]

Glorius leaders out of body colonic irrigation brought a smile to his face

[CoffmanStarter]

http://a.abcnews.com/images/International/RT_kim_jong_un_6_kab_150204_16x9_992.jpg

[Danny42C]

(Cook): "I'd like to stuff him into the other end of this !"

[Danny42C]

"Paté de Kim Gras ?"

[Danny42C]

"He can afford to laugh - he doesn't have to eat it !"

[WE Branch Fanatic]

Welcome to Sodexho.

[Wensleydale]

Have we produced enough hair gel for one application yet?

[MPN11]

"Hey, Cook-Man .. if you don't smile soon, you're next."

[eastern wiseguy]

So how many more Liposuction treatments do I need?

[Buster Hyman]

Ha ha! So, we've hidden the heavy water in this so the Americans won't find it? Bwilliant!

[CoffmanStarter]

'We need a much bigger orifice' ... Ahh ... Glorious Leader you have arrived in time for the next batch :E

[Wensleydale]

"Certainly oh Glorious one...and when this peanut butter is ready we will deliver it to the female officers of your bodyguard as you ordered."

[CoffmanStarter]

Ahh ... Mr Bond you have finally been 'squished' by my SMERSH operatives :eek:

[CoffmanStarter]

Dyno Rod finally obtain permission to open their NK franchise and immediately begin work on the 'Backlog' :}

[Rather be Gardening]

Kim Fat Wun is highly amused to find something more repulsive than him actually exists.

[Buster Hyman]

I would never question the Glorious Leader, but do you really need that much KY Jelly?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Onlooking worker: "Glorious Leader looks to be impressed with demonstration of apparent bountiful production by North Korean workers. Hope he doesn't notice other end of pipe is connected to bottom of same drum".

[Danny42C]

"What's in this stuff before it was puréed ?"......"Don't know, Glorious Leader....... but you'll be having it at the Banquet tonight !"

[dazdaz1]

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b9/dazdaz1/RT_kim_jong_un_6_kab_150204_16x9_992_zpshnj5l43k.jpg (http://s16.photobucket.com/user/dazdaz1/media/RT_kim_jong_un_6_kab_150204_16x9_992_zpshnj5l43k.jpg.html)

[Dan Gerous]

Yeh, I used to mortar them or feed them to the dogs, but this is way funnier.

[andytug]

See, like the Dear Leader said, only if you are puree can you enter heaven!

[DirtyProp]

Looks really tasty!
I'll have 2 drums - for dessert.

[ValMORNA]

So, we cut out their intestines, fill them with custard . . then what?

[CoffmanStarter]

The Pyongyang Novelty Rock Emporium isn't entirely sure they have the correct recipe :uhoh:

[CoffmanStarter]

Ahh ... Flaccid Noodle is quite common in North Korea :}

[DirtyProp]

Finally!
A noodle big enough for me. Now I don't have to go to Benihana anymore...

[c52]

"This will show the rest of the world: 3D printing invented in the PDRK. Congratulations! I award you the People's Star (4th grade). Now go and make a 4D printer for me."

[CoffmanStarter]

The Ultimate Pot Noodle :p

[Buster Hyman]

Now remember to disconnect the Liposuction machine when it's done. If you leave it too long, it will start to pull your facial muscles into a permanent smile which can...umm...never mind...

[Danny42C]

Cook (thinks): "I wonder if I've put enough strychnine in to polish off the entire Politburo ?"

[cattletruck]

Translation follows...

Once upon a time, must been 'round October, few years back, in one o' dose TOP SECRET LABMO-TORIES de gubbnint keep stashed away underneath Virginia, an EVIL PRINCE, occasion'ly employed as a part-time THEATRE CRITICIZER set woikin' on a plot fo de systematic GENOCIDAL REMOVE'LANCE of all unwanted highly-rhythmic individj'll's an' sissy-boys!

De cocksucker done whiffed up a secret POTIUM... an' right 'long wid it, de ATROCIOUS IDEA dat what he be boilin' up down deahhhh jes' mights be de FINAL SOLUTIUM to DE WHITE MAIN'S BOIDENNNN, ef yo' acquire my drift.

Well, he were sure he had a GOOD THING GOIN'... but, dere was always de possobility dat somethin' might f up, so he planned to have a little test, jes' to check it all out befo' dump't it in de wattuh supply.

(Frank Zappa, modern day philosopher).

[Danny42C]

.....chacun à son goo......?

[ShyTorque]

North Korean government plopoganda machine. Fed direct from the cowshed.

[NutLoose]

Ok, it seems to have run its course so last orders, scoring this evening and we will nail this Easter one up as done..

[Wensleydale]

The promised judging of the competition failed to materialise which puzzled many people until someone asked...does this spread taste a bit nutty to you?

[NutLoose]

Sorry for the delay, PC issues.....#


Ok scores on the doors are

1st with the original caption Eastern Wiseguy

So how many more Liposuction treatments do I need?

2nd place Buster with

Now remember to disconnect the Liposuction machine when it's done. If you leave it too long, it will start to pull your facial muscles into a permanent smile which can...umm...never mind...

3rd place Valmorna with

So, we cut out their intestines, fill them with custard . . then what?

well done all :)

[CoffmanStarter]

Well done EW :D:D:D:D

PC issues Nutty ? ... Get a Mac :ok:

[NutLoose]

What and go flashing like you
:p

[CoffmanStarter]

^^^ :D ^^^

:ok:

[eastern wiseguy]

Shucks. I ain't never won nothing before :O

Here you go!

From those good folks in The News and Advance Lynchburg



http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/newsadvance.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/9/c5/9c5ffacd-d46e-5140-946d-673136bf6a20/56f277504cf09.image.jpg?resize=300%2C225

[CoffmanStarter]

I need a longer thermometer :eek:

[CoffmanStarter]

Looks like a bit of a 'Cock and Bull' story to me :E

[JAVELINBOY]

The original turkey twizzler

[ValMORNA]

WW2 Re-enactment Society's latest offering - the 'Henemy' on the Russian Front.

[Wensleydale]

Not quite what the requirement meant when it asked for a spare emergency battery....

[Danny42C]

"Screw 'is neck - that'll larn 'im not to go flying aeroplanes !"

[Buster Hyman]

Chooks away!!!

[WeeJeem]

"To be honest, when our American allies said they were going to send some fighting cocks, we had been expecting F15s.
Still, probably better than the RAF sending us stabbed cats."

[c52]

And this is why Turkey cannot join the EU.

[andytug]

"Goddamn it, I can't tell which of you is which when y'all squawking the same ident! "

[NutLoose]

And if you wiggle it about, it gives birth to another pongo.

[NutLoose]

"I learnt the trick when taking the inside leg measurement of WRAF's, but in their case, one stuck a broom handle up between them, then took the wet away from the dry"

[NutLoose]

"The SWO said to me he wanted to see a little sh*t on the other end of his pace stick in front of him at three, so I am only happy to oblige"

[NutLoose]

"And if you lift its tail you can tell the time"
"marvellous how do you do that?"
"Oh it's easy really, my watch came off when doing an inspection and I can still see it"

[NutLoose]

"And I have written to the MOD requesting my Vets badge."

[MPN11]

"oh, Moo ... :D"

[Danny42C]

"And you can get your arm up inside as far as this !"

[Wander00]

Everyone seems to have chickened out

[JAVELINBOY]

Sounds like a classic case of gobbledygook to me, I'll just give it another poke to hear it again.

[Hydromet]

...and you can tell its age by looking up its date.

[Pontius]

Even with the best wand in the World Of Wizadry, Harry's career path had taken a bit of a downturn after killing Voldemort.

[WeeJeem]

"OK, repeat after me: I'm not a pheasant plucker, ..."

[NutLoose]

http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/newsadvance.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/9/c5/9c5ffacd-d46e-5140-946d-673136bf6a20/56f277504cf09.image.jpg



"It looks like you've potted the brown, that's 4 points"

***

"Rectum? I don't know, but you're certainly not doing it any good"


****

"So that's why they call you needledick"

*****

"Hang on, I'll just tweak the aerial and see if we can get a better reception"


..

[Danny42C]

"Ain't Nature wonderful ! You put grass in one end, and out the other comes......."

[andytug]

"Now listen up hens, zero hour is 0800 and you will take off in flights of three in this direction, form up over next door's shed and then head for the target ...."

[Buster Hyman]

So, this represents the Americans at Khe Sanh and the Chickens are the VC regulars... I call it the Cluck offensive...

[Wensleydale]

At the American border, the religion of each hen is checked before Colonel Saunders is allowed it give it access.....

[Buster Hyman]

Continuing Wensleydales theme...

...Whereas this one was just deported by Donald Trump.

[NutLoose]

"As you can see. I have stuffed the mule full of condoms with cocaine in and I must admit there wasn't a lot of room for my dick, ok what's next?"

[WeeJeem]

And this one's expecting a monsoon - it's already got its foulies on.

[622]

So that's a cockpit!

[WeeJeem]

There's no road on this rock, so I guess we'll never know.

[Buster Hyman]

Clearly, there's no eggs though...so at least that's sorted...

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

And the cavalry, as played by these chickens, will advance to here, here and he......oh dear. Hoskins, pass me a tissue.

[CoffmanStarter]

Yes Your Excellency ... Here in Panama at the moment, chickens are fast becoming a safe haven for your investments :E

[PingDit]

"My cock's bigger than that!"

[Buster Hyman]

https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-09/22/12/enhanced/webdr07/anigif_enhanced-8713-1411401983-1.gif

[PingDit]

"I know there's not a lot of room in there but you'd only be paying a seedcorn rent!"

[Wensleydale]

"We came to find a mascot for 51 Squadron - there's no need to check for 120 Squadron as well"!

[Wander00]

Any chance, please, of judging this one and getting back to unseemly pictures of the fat guy with the greasy hair

[CoffmanStarter]

Wander old chap ... Who, out of the PPRuNe Membership, did you have in mind :E

[NutLoose]

Greasy hair indeed.... I'll have you know that's the finest Bulls Scrotum hair tonic the North Koreans produce..

[Buster Hyman]

Easy, Nutty's had a trim you know...

http://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1380315146i/689070.jpg

[eastern wiseguy]

Sorry for the delay folks..



The winner is .....




"To be honest, when our American allies said they were going to send some fighting cocks, we had been expecting F15s.
Still, probably better than the RAF sending us stabbed cats."

Well done Wee Jeem!!

[WeeJeem]

Why thank you, kind sir!!


Righty-ho, and here we go :8

http://funnymilitarypictures.imgs4fun.com/images/33.jpg

[Danny42C]

"Size doesn't matter !"

[Danny42C]

"It was all we could afford after the SDSR !"

[S'land]

When I grow up I want to be a .....

[Danny42C]

"That thing'll never fly !"

[Danny42C]

"Yes, but where do I put my sarnies ?"

[Buster Hyman]

Proven technology...check!
Low radar signature...check!
Cheaper than the F35...check!
Sufficient room for Pilots watches & wallets....****!

[Buster Hyman]

Pedal to the Metal Mav!!!

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

The UK's display program for the 2016 RIAT had finally gained OH&S approval to prevent 'cricked-neck' injuries to spectators.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Kick the tyres and light the fir........oh never mind, just kick the tyres.

[Danny42C]

"Now that's what I call real low flying !"

[CoffmanStarter]

Whaddya mean you put it in on a 'Wool' cycle Hoskins :=

[Wensleydale]

Photographs emerge of the initial trials of the Wiggins Aerodyne.

[pasta]

Designed for export to countries without airfield infrastructure, the F-16M was not a commercial success.

[pasta]

Despite a significantly higher budget, the USAF Motorcycle Display Team failed to achieve the success of their Royal Signals counterparts.

[Danny42C]

"I do not know what effect this will have on the enemy - but by God it frightens me !"

[Danny42C]

"It's the original Pocket Rocket !"

[Danny42C]

It's a scaled-down Gnat !"

[pasta]

Despite high hopes, the miniaturised version never really took off...

[622]

I told you the jet wash was too hot!

[andytug]

First definitive photo of a near miss between a military plane and a UAV....

[andytug]

"Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby!"

[MPN11]

As it was deemed cheaper than a crew-bus with driver, the USAF ordered 30,000 off the shelf as a cost-saving measure.

[CoffmanStarter]

http://funnymilitarypictures.imgs4fun.com/images/33.jpg

[JAVELINBOY]

Flight Lieutenant Sturmey-Archer had all the right gear.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

(For those that follow the Australian section threads)

In an effort to appease Dick Smith, the RAAF was doing all it could to reduce the amount of airspace required for training purposes.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Good to see that bicycle helmet laws apply in other countries too.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

MIRACLE IN THE AIR!
Amateur photographer catches the moment a brave RAF pilot manages to land his fighter jet after suffering a partial ejection.

[Stanwell]

The Defence Materials Acquisition Branch were gratified to find that the costly training-wheels option was indeed money well spent.

[Surplus]

Now Hammond, May and Clarkson have gone, the Top Gear budget doesn't stretch to decent cameramen, the pedal car V jet framing left much to be desired.

[Buster Hyman]

No Hoskins, the training wheels stay on under OH&S laws but never mind that, where's your high vis vest?

[Danny42C]

"Hell ! - the things are breeding now !" :eek:

[andytug]

"New Link Trainer being put through its paces"

[Wander00]

-School for RN fighter controllers re-opens with motorcycles to replace wartime bicycles originally used for the purpose

[DirtyProp]

Scroggins, when I requested a live model I meant.....oh, forget it!

[Danny42C]

"The new pattern Edmunds Trainer ?"

[Danny42C]

"Whaddya mean, Hoskins - you've never learned to ride a bike !!! - all right, try it on roller skates, if you must !"

[Danny42C]

"D'you think this time you could get it up to Vr, Bloggs, before falling off ?"

[Danny42C]

"No, Fotheringham, you can not take that popsie you met last night for a ride on the flapper-bracket !":(

[Buster Hyman]

Well, Airfix have come a long way since my day...

[Wensleydale]

Mark Cavendish tries out a new design of bicycle to counter the sprint threat of Andre Greipel in this year's Tour de France.

[CoffmanStarter]

Skid Marks you say ... Never ! :E

[Danny42C]

"That thing should constitute an Offensive Weapon !"

[Hempy]

The F-35D boasted a host of improvements..

[CoffmanStarter]

http://funnymilitarypictures.imgs4fun.com/images/33.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

Now that's what I call a Mobility Scooter :ok:

[eastern wiseguy]

All weather fighter my arse........I fly through ONE cloud and the bloody thing shrinks!

[andytug]

:D:D:D:D proper lol

[DirtyProp]

Bloggs, show me a full-burner takeoff.
Sorry Sarge, not enough beans....

[ValMORNA]

eastern wiseguy,


If there is any justice in the world this has to be right up there with the greatest. :D

[CoffmanStarter]

Outstanding EW :D:D:D:D :ok:

[Dan Gerous]

Listen guys, you're going to have to make it a 2 seater. The only way this'll reach V1, is if I send the Nav out to push.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Dan, it IS a two-seater. The view from the back seat is, shall we say, unpleasant.

[Danny42C]

"Little Nellie" decided to give up the gyrocopter idea after all.

[Buster Hyman]

...and if we need afterburners, I just let one rip!

[Dan Gerous]

Anyone got change for the slot?

[Pontius Navigator]

3-D printing is all very well Hoskins but you forgot to reset the scale.

[NutLoose]

If Guy Martin thought his soapbox was fast, he hasn't seen anything yet...

[NutLoose]

"Reheat? Ahhhhh yes I light my fart"

[PingDit]

"Tower - Shortar5e One"
"This is tower, go ahead Shortar5e"
"I've just had my in-flight rations delivered and the sandwich has taken me over my all-up weight for takeoff - please advise?"

[Penny Washers]

And they still say that size doesn't matter!

[Wensleydale]

BAe come up with a new concept to keep the Corbynites happy: the Manned Drone!

[DirtyProp]

Blue 4, smoke on!
.....gimme a sec.....

[Hempy]

'Nah, that's just the Staish keeping current'.

[Buster Hyman]

Hats off to you guys. My Flight Sim's nothing like the real thing here...

[WeeJeem]

"Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby!"
"Negative, Ghost Rider, the cyclepath is full."

[ShyTorque]

Honey, I shrunk the ....jet!

[andytug]

"Negative, Ghost Rider, the cyclepath is full."

He must be a cyclepath to ride one of those..... :)

[Dan Gerous]

Well it may be small, but it gets me into the cycle lanes in Edinburgh.

[pasta]

The next time Mr Bond tries to evade one of my fighter jets by driving his silly little car into a tunnel, he's going to get a nasty surprise...

[Buster Hyman]

How will we counter the next gen Chinese & Russian fighters? Well, put it this way. They'll never be looking for us on the ground!

[WeeJeem]

Winner up in an hour or two, so your last chance to flex those shining wits! :8

"Despite some clear limitations, the latest variant was proving to be vastly more capable than the F35."

[WeeJeem]

Sooooo, narrowly pipped at the post is eastern wiseguy with:
All weather fighter my arse........I fly through ONE cloud and the bloody thing shrinks!

But squeaking home by a nose is Danny42C with:

"I do not know what effect this will have on the enemy - but by God it frightens me !"

Well done, Danny42C, you have the conn :D

[MPN11]

<applause> for Danny42C ... I now wait for a photo of a Vengeance ;)

[CoffmanStarter]

Well played Danny :D:D:D:D

[Danny42C]

Thanks, chaps - this is an unexpected honour (and to WeeJeem for a very clever pic ! and the PM)

Sorry, MPN11, but the cupboard is bare - I must declare "Open House" this time. Perhaps eastern wiseguy will do the honours.... And my apologies for the delay.

Danny.

[CoffmanStarter]

OK Danny ...

An 'Open House' from me as asked for by Danny ... With EW to Judge ... If that's OK :ok:

http://cdn2.spectator.co.uk/files/2015/10/GettyImages-487545280.jpg

[Dan Gerous]

I'll set up in Panama George, you cover the Bahamas.

[CoffmanStarter]

As I only said last night George ... put it all on 'Black' mate :}

[ShyTorque]

Yes, George, this is how I keep tabs on all my Borisbikes.

[CoffmanStarter]

Yep ... That's where that little bu99er Corbyn lives ... Give those RAF chaps a call and see if they have one of those Drone thingies in the vicinity :E

[Dan Gerous]

Boris. "And as you can see, when the 5th runway is built, none of the flight paths are over our properties."


Gideons thinking. You're a sneaky little bstad, I'll have to keep an eye on you.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Unlike that asian chap a couple of captions back, here in the civilised west you don't end up with turkey sh*t on the end of your stick.

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

British ATC, still believing that they were owed so much by so many, refused to bow to technological advances.

[Buster Hyman]

Ok, so if there's a sighting of Trump anywhere in the UK, I can scramble fighters within two minutes!

[Buster Hyman]

How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled of course...

[NutLoose]

"If only the public knew what the £100 million state of the art Boris bike tracking system really consisted of"

[eastern wiseguy]

Danny et al...thank you! I would be delighted to judge it :)

[Buster Hyman]

Well, that's Gerry sorted. Now we just have to watch Boris behind the Iron Curtain!
I beg your pardon?

[CoffmanStarter]

Ozzer ... This reminds me of toasting crumpets on a roaring Matron in the dorm after lights out ... Oops my mistake ... You didn't go to Eton did you :p

[Buster Hyman]

Once we're done here, how about a game of Wizards Chess?

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

(For the readers of the Aussie section):

SYD ATC prove that their state of the art system is able to provide E down to 700ft at Ballina, with no additional cost to industry.

[NutLoose]

"I say, you do realise where knocking squadrons orf the table faster than jerry did.."

[NutLoose]

"Well I think if we shift this into one of the backrooms at Westminster and get a couple of researchers to run it, we could make most of the MOD redundant and take control of the RAF in house so to speak"

[muppetofthenorth]

Unlike that asian chap a couple of captions back, here in the civilised west you don't end up with sh*t on the end of your stick.

It rather depends on which end of the stick you're referring to.

[Buster Hyman]

No Mr. Boris, I expect you to die!

[622]

Look...for the last time! Its very simple George, we just have to organise a p*ss up...now these are the breweries!

[NutLoose]

http://cdn2.spectator.co.uk/files/2015/10/GettyImages-487545280.jpg

"So that's 21 Illegal immigrants in a 15 tonner just to the west of Andover heading north on the A303."

[Hempy]

'What reserves do we have left?'

'None' was the reply.

[DirtyProp]

So, this is how you guide pilots for a PAR approach...?

[CoffmanStarter]

So that's George and Bungle accounted for ... But where's that gob$hite Zippy gone !

Sorry only UK Members who were psychological 'marked' by British early 70's Kids TV will get that one ...

[NutLoose]

I don't know what you mean Coff

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EaxJS0KsRQ8/hqdefault.jpg

[CoffmanStarter]

Nearly Nutty (that's Rod, Jane and Freddy) :ok:

But this bunch ...

George, Bungle and Zippy Kids TV 70's (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M62SnbNizIM)

WARNING... Anyone viewing the above video is strongly advised to correctly fit their Earth Bonding Lead ...

[andytug]

So these are all my supporters.... and that one is yours, George?

[andytug]

Now pay attention George, those of us descended from generals know all about strategy, watch and learn!

[Danny42C]

"Rien ne va plus !"

[GlobalNav]

Danny, as always you never cease to amaze us!


"This is more fun than playing battleship."

[JAVELINBOY]

Well Boris its a bit like playing with the economy and I don't think I have the hang of it just yet, you seem to have control of more than me

[Buster Hyman]

http://cdn2.spectator.co.uk/files/2015/10/GettyImages-487545280.jpg

Never have so few, taken so much, from so many!

[MPN11]

Do you have the feeling this "RAF 100" flypast is looking a bit untidy?

[Danny42C]

Global Nav,

Thank you ! - to business:

"I can't hear anything from my Radar Operator, can you ?"........"Would it help if we put our headsets on ?"

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

Microsoft Flight Simulator V1.0 could hold the attention of only the feeblest of minds.

[pasta]

"This time, when we've finished placing our bets, it's my turn to spin the roulette wheel..."

[NutLoose]

"oh.. that one's John Whittingdale, he was involved with that "sex worker", so you can push him off the table.."

[pasta]

"The Germans might be able to give our Hurricanes and Spitfires a hard time, but I bet they can't match these Eurofighters I've just scrambled from Northolt..."

[andytug]

No George, I am the croupier. You, on the other hand, are just crappier.

[Buster Hyman]

Hang on, where did Dyson go?
He said he had an idea and ran off.

[CoffmanStarter]

http://cdn2.spectator.co.uk/files/2015/10/GettyImages-487545280.jpg

[Danny42C]

Tweedledum and Tweedledee ?

[622]

Well I'm sure that chap said there were a pair Fockers down here....but I can't find them!:E

[CoffmanStarter]

I say George ... What do you keep in all those big Lever Arch Box Files behind you ... Your Tax Returns :suspect:

[Danny42C]

"The war's over ............but don't tell 'em !"

[Danny42C]

"But the bravest by Far,
"in the ranks of the Czar,
"Was Boris Skavinski Skavar !"

[Buster Hyman]

...and these are the locations of the last flying foxes in the UK....

[PingDit]

Boris: "Whatya mean 'checkmate'? I don't think you've quite got the hang of this George old boy!"

[Danny42C]

"My rake stretches a lot further than your rake !"

[PingDit]

George: "I'm not too sure how this works Boris! I was sure bingo only went up to 90!"

[MPN11]

"Ah, 303 - aren't they poles?"
"No Boris, it's just a number on a short stick"

[Danny42C]

"You're a lousy wingman, George - GET IN THERE, NUMBER 3 !

[cattletruck]

Now the trick ol' boy is to get these wads to land in the Cayman Islands without the tax man noticing.

[Danny42C]

"How happy the electorate could be with either - were t'other dear charmer away"

(Apologies to "Punch")

[NutLoose]

"Typical RAF George, bits lying all over the desk, I don't know how they can work like this, come on George, let's rake them all in and tidy up the table for them, won't they be pleased."

[NutLoose]

"You'll get on well here George, these chaps were so impressed with how you drone on and on for hours, they named their autopilot after you."

[eastern wiseguy]

Judgement day today folks.......last few hours , keep the captions coming.

[DirtyProp]

50 quids on 21/15!
We're not at the races, Boris....

[Danny42C]

"CHAAARGE !".......
........."You're not at Omdurman, Boris, old chap !"

[c52]

"Sorry, gentlemen, you've both failed. You are expected to know that it's not possible to stand midway between Gravesend and Tilbury."

[JAVELINBOY]

I say George I would be better at this with a Wiff Waff bat

[NutLoose]

"I'm telling you George, playing table curling might give us an understanding into how the brain of that mare Sturgeon works"

[eastern wiseguy]

And the winner with

"Well I'm sure that chap said there were a pair Fockers down here....but I can't find them!"

is 622. ! Congratulations