Caption competition

[Wensleydale]

Who said that the helmsman couldn't hit a barn door when parking up?

[Pontius Navigator]

Push, PUSH

after several years gestation the shed finally pushed one out.

[Pontius Navigator]

"Who said 'stick it where the sun don't shine'"

[andytug]

"Oh! The huge manatee!"

[racedo]

10 pints and 2 extra hot vindaloos later.

[racedo]

KY Jellykins was launched.

People never could figure why it was called that, as never had anything to do with Kentucky.

[622]

Lady in boat:
"No George, watching this is not making me frisky...can we go now?"

[Dan Gerous]

https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/930x674/zepplin_bf3aef53f2aed87c595ca9aaf9daca78f70d2ebc.jpg

We bought this from the Englanders, nearly new. They made two and couldn't afford to run them both.

[Dan Gerous]

When we attack America, we will be able to deploy to our FOB's, at the bridges in Madison County

[ShyTorque]

Yes son, many years from now, people will still be trying to perfect this technology......and they'll still end up going pop in a hedge!

[Kiltrash]

Farnborough are stumped when the Germans ask can they use the wind tunnel.

[Kiltrash]

In an effort to speed the post at Christmas the Germans invent Air Mail. Next stop Lakehurst

[Kiltrash]

Airlander's Great Grandad gets off to a promising start

[NutLoose]

"It was only half that size yesterday before they started polishing it."

[NutLoose]

"They can only launch them when there is zero wind, they call it a still birth"

[ivor toolbox]

Flooding around Cardington is nothing new...

Ttfn

[NutLoose]

" I ordered it online off one of those sex toy websites, but I must have got the sizes mixed up, fair play to the Amazon delivery guy though, he tried to lob it in through the open bedroom window"

[treadigraph]

You know, burning the mess piano might not be such a good idea...

[Kiltrash]

While on a sales tour at Britain's Premier Airport, Croydon, The Authorities may need to re design the terminal facilities to handle the Zeppelins size

[Kiltrash]

Brains, I think you may need to re design Thunderbird 4 's facilities as a emergency landing ground for no 2's

[Kiltrash]

At times of danger Captain Ostrich would bury his head in the shed, If I cant see the threat then they cannot see me

[Kiltrash]

Ah Mr Jaguar, you still think you can design something that flies faster?

[Kiltrash]

Well that was a lot of water ballast the Captain released in a vain attempt to gain altitude, should have got out the hanger first

[Kiltrash]

Charlie Dimmock's trademark Water Feature for the officers mess gets a bit carried away when she sees the size of the aircraft now in the RAF

[Asturias56]

Length in METRES? I thought it was Imperial measurement only here...............................

[CAEBr]

With hindsight, the blind flying training cover for the gondola was just a little bit OTT

[CAEBr]

Having by now forgotten whether they were trying to get it in or out, the crew resort to trying to shake it all about.

[CAEBr]

"Stop pushing, it's snagged on the third upstairs window curtain pole"

[NutLoose]

"See Captain, it's a definitely a warp engine, just look at how it's crumpling up the front "

[NutLoose]

"Bloody GPS......."

[NutLoose]

" IFR, is not and I repeat is not.....In the Front Room"

[Kiltrash]

Early example of global warming sea level's as the shed floats up the mooring mast

[Kiltrash]

Trump tweets a picture of the fish he caught and released

[Kiltrash]

In NSW the air tanker drops in to re fill before another flight over the bush fires
Ps hope all are OK in Sydney ...

[Wensleydale]

On the Thames, the Oxford crew appeal after the Cambridge crew unveil the new design of their new boat.

[Hydromet]

Ps hope all are OK in Sydney ... (Not a caption) Thanks Kiltrash, in Sydney we're fine apart from lots of smoke. Outside of Sydney & elsewhere, there are people who've lost houses, crops, fences and a couple of lives.

"Do you really thing your fire-bombing C152 will lift it when its full of water, Bloggs?"

[Penny Washers]

See the latest BBC news about Sydney: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-50722650.

BTW, congratulations, Kiltrash. You seem to be the only caption scribe who has realised that the hangar shed is actually a floating construction. This is so that it will automatically face into wind to make docking easier.

Decision time later in the week. (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-50722650)

[NutLoose]

"Ok you are cleared to depart using runway 23. 24. 25. 26. . 25, 24 25 26....bloody wind....err... depart at your discretion."

[Kiltrash]

To Hydromet and all Australian cousins. Flew a few times BA744 into Sydney late 90's and saw at first hand how near the houses the burnt areas were. And from the Telly you have my best wishes. We were there in Aug this year and even then the locals were concerned even though the season had not yet started.
however
caption....
As seniority progresses the engineers get to move forward on their area of responsibility. Especially useful in the Winter time

[Kiltrash]

If only the Baron had taken a career in the Zeppelin branch instead of the Focker then ultra low level flight would have been acceptable

[Kiltrash]

4 engined Jumbo early design shows promise, if only they could increase the payload thought Mr Boeing

[Buster Hyman]

After a Royal Commission lasting over 6 months, the projects failure was ultimately blamed on inflation...

[ShyTorque]

"Ahoy there, we're from the CAA and we've rowed all the way here from Gatwick to tell you that even though it floats there's no way we will accept that is an ultralight!"

[Kiltrash]

The Soviet Air Force deny emphatically they do not use Steroids. See we have proved it so with our in house testing facility

[Kiltrash]

Bond uses his Q supplied government issue brolly to deflate Blofield Secret lair

[Kiltrash]

With the United States monopoly on Helium the Germans are forced to use hot air. Supplied by Herr Geobals. However the excess pressure valve fails

[Kiltrash]

As the early morning mist lifted Biggles and ms Harvey discovered they were not boating on the Serpentine after all

[NutLoose]

"Even with the handicap on the front, we will still beat the Jag in a race"

[Big Pistons Forever]

It's the BREXIT Blimp, half in and half out

[Big Pistons Forever]

Typical ! The officers are hanging out under cover and us fitters have to work outside in the rain.

[NutLoose]

"Noo the plans scale is in feet, not meters"

[NutLoose]

"Didn't anyone cotton on when it would no longer fit in the build bay that something was amiss?"

[Kiltrash]

( back to a size caption)
Boris decides that when he is in a hole he keeps digging ( it gets bigger )

[Kiltrash]

Man in boat. I know the Election was called for in December and most of the usual halls are busy with other events but this has to be the most unusual Polling Station ever

[Kiltrash]

I'm sorry Ms Harvey but we need your silk knickers to repair the hole in the fabric. I bet you say that to all your female friends Mr Bond

[622]

You see Hoskins, that's what happens when the MOD buy an 'off the shelf' US met balloon and get it ready for UK forces!

[Kiltrash]

Jimmy Page. John Bonham, John Paul Jones, and Robert Plant the members of the Led Sopwith band have a idea for a new name for the group

[c52]

Slugs and snails are very similar in that they are horrible and move very slowly, but a snail has a little house on its back.

[Kiltrash]

When Mr and Mrs Stinking-Rich have a fall out over the toilet seat they can avoid each other very easy

[Dan Gerous]

We can't get it in, Boris is hiding up the back.

[racedo]

Don't worry it will go in easy and it won't hurt.

[Hydromet]

I promise, there's no need to use a condom, I've had a gasectomy.

[SASless]

No time in small boats is ever wasted!

[Kiltrash]

Of course one advantage of flying without wings is no engine pod strike on go-around.

[Kiltrash]

To the rest of the world this is a weather balloon, to us it's a spy plane

[treadigraph]

Apparently one of its designers is a well-known novelist.

Really? Nevil Shute?

No, Barbara Cartland...

[Penny Washers]

It's Friday 13th! Time for some results - and I am not talking about our election, or the future of Europe, or such trivia. No - our caption competition is far more important.

Nutloose, I thought, produced a number of witty captions, any one of which deserved to win, but on this occasion topicality wins the day for Kiltrash with his offering of:
Man in boat. I know the Election was called for in December and most of the usual halls are busy with other events but this has to be the most unusual Polling Station ever

So, over to you, Air Commode K, and then you can let your keyboard have a chance to cool down.

[Kiltrash]

I thank you and I was about to submit
Tannoy from the Shed. Come on Boris now is the time you need to full fill your election promises
or
What the Germans originally built the Eider Dam for. An Un sink able Aircraft Carrier. Ah thought Barnes Wallis a challenge
or
I do believe it is drying up my dear

Using free WiFi so will post a picture when I get home in about a hour

thanks again Kiltrash

[treadigraph]

Well done that man!

[Kiltrash]

Decisions decisions however at this time you year, and after the UK Election we need peace and Goodwill to all

so please have a go at this one. perhaps our two most popular celebrities
Sorry picture failed to attach to wait one...

[Kiltrash]

Hopefully this time

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/375x210/trump_3c421a5872a210450489f3eb37daf26b5690c738.jpg

[ShyTorque]

Trump: "Congratulations, Boris!"

[c52]

Kim: "I always have officers writing down everything I say. Then I have them shot and their notes burned. That way nobody can think I'm mentally deficient."

Trump: "I use Twitter to prove my intellectual and perceptive abilities."

[Buster Hyman]

So, to be clear, you can line up a meeting with Dennis Rodman for me, right?

[c52]

Either president: "To symbolise the lasting friendship between our two great countries, we have both decided to make our wives disguise themselves as trees."

[Buster Hyman]

Well.. we're both too fat for a reach around so...

[c52]

Either President: "Our two great countries have many things in common. For instance, we two presidents both fly in clapped-out four-engine jets."

[Buster Hyman]

I got a Horse last Christmas.
I'm getting a Peach...I think that's what they said.

[treadigraph]

Photographer on right: "Sheesh, I wish the fat turd would stop farting..."

[SASless]

That Kiltrash sure believes in "Free Speech".

[andytug]

"They say the camera adds ten pounds"

"Just how many cameras are on you?"

(with apologies to Chandler Bing....)

[andytug]

Both thinking "I like meeting this guy, his hair takes the attention off mine....."

[c52]

The second cameraman from the left is actually carrying a fire extinguisher in case relations between the two fat men appear to be overheating.

[c52]

The RH camerman falls over in his haste to take a shot of Kim's backside. Out of which, of course the sun shines.

[c52]

Trump: "These two trees..."

Kim: "Yes?"

Trump: "You notice they're shaped like a mushroom cloud?"

Kim: "Uh-huh."

Trump: "Well the one we've dropped on your side is much bigger than the one you've dropped on our side."

[c52]

The second cameraman from the right is actually a certain D Cameron - always wants to be in on the action while taking no responsibility.

[treadigraph]

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/375x210/trump_3c421a5872a210450489f3eb37daf26b5690c738.jpg

POTUS: Do you Tweet?

LFO: I Premier of Democratic People's Repubric of Korea, not some stupid bruddy bird!

[c52]

"Psst! As one president to another, do you know what "corrupt" means?"

-- "Not a clue."

[treadigraph]

Ah, Mr Trump, I'm so glad you have the good taste not to wear brown shoes with your blue suit, unlike the photographer behind you...

[SASless]

Oh...about this new China trade deal.....the Chinese in Hong Kong are flying American Flags....if you look over your shoulder you will see the Chinese raising their flags.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Lissen here, umm... Kim Bong Jong.... can you dig up some dirt on Joe Biden for me?"
"Fluck off, you iriot!"

[Buster Hyman]

No Mr. Trump, I expect you to die!

[Hydromet]

As we all know, the definition of frustration is 'Two fat bellies and a short pr!ck'.

[treadigraph]

POTUS: Suit by Saint Lauren, shirt by Pierre Cardin, tie by Hermes, shoes by Gucci, hair by Tommy...

LFO: That's incredible! Snap!

[Penny Washers]

"I can't get a decent haircut anywhere."

"No, I can't either. I wonder where Boris goes for his?"

[racedo]

I like your wife's green bush.

[racedo]

How is the North Korea Car Park.

We don't have one.

Well, launch or threaten to launch and will all be a car park.

[NutLoose]

"Ahhh the Bush, I call it George and take my morning piss up against it, do you have anything similar?"

[ShyTorque]

Trump: "I hereby name this place....Ground Zero!"

[c52]

Trump: "On this great day for democracy in the People's Republic of North Korea, I would like to build a golf course or two and a luxury resort. There'll be something in it for you, naturally."

[c52]

Trump: "You know, this occasion would have been extra special if we'd had a march-past of a battalion of your women soldiers in their short skirts."

[racedo]

Your looking good.......... Snap

You've lost some weight.... Snap

Joe Biden son is dodgy as F***....... Snap

Wow, we agree on so much.

[c52]

... and this year's Turner Prize is awarded to the biggest waste of space in human history.

[c52]

"Say, that green stuff in the background... are you some kind of friend of the Greta child?"

[Ascend Charlie]

(Trump): "Are you expecting a change in Korea?"
(Kim): "No, but Congress about to give you change in career!"

[Buster Hyman]

"I got everything from my Daddy. Keep family members on the payroll & ruthlessly remove anyone who gets in my way. I use compliant media to manipulate the people & get away with blatant lies. All in all, life's good. But, enough about me, how do you maintain control Mr. Kim?"

[Dan Gerous]

Photographer struggles after Fat Wun lets one rip.

https://cimg4.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/375x210/trump_3c421a5872a210450489f3eb37daf26b5690c738.jpg

[SASless]

Trump takes precautions to ensure even Adam Schiff cannot twist what was said in his conversation with the other fat wun!

[c52]

"You want a very advantageous trade deal with the UK? It's terribly simple. You demand whatever you want, and in return you offer them to get it signed off within a week."

[Penny Washers]

"I'm giving you a bucket of instant sunshine for Christmas."

"And I'm giving you the same."

"Or shall we just call it quits for this year?"

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS."

And to all our captioneers.

[c52]

Trump: "Look, I've got a small favour to ask... You don't do Intellectual Property Rights here, do you, so I want you to found a magazine called Time and make me its person of the year."

Kim: "Great idea and I agree to it - but as long as I'm alive there can only be one person of the year in my country. And of the two of us, it's not you."

[racedo]

Thank your Amercian Blind Institute for sending all those Guide Dogs to us. Lunch was excellent.

[racedo]

Can you come to United States and stand as a Democratic Candidate, your policies will fit it very well with their base.

[NutLoose]

"So, filming it is a great idea, but I have to warn you we haven't used Betamax in the US for a number of years "





...

[c52]

T: "How about I let you beat me at golf and you get the 737max flying in China?"

K: "Mr Trump, this is not China."

[c52]

T: "How about I let you beat me at golf and you get the 737max flying in China?"

K (thinks very quickly): "Now you mention it, I'd like to place an order for 100 of them. Any obstacle to getting that many delivered by the end of the week?"

[Kiltrash]

Last orders please. Said Mike the Landlord of The Nags Head

[Kiltrash]

The poll is now closed, please do not enter if you are watching +1 or on Demand...

While I am off to have a look at the entries here are what would have been my offerings for your enjoyment

Clearly photoshopped, everyone knows Kim is 7 ft 12inches tall

The strictly come dancing same sex couple get in some practice, You lead.,,,,No YOU lead

Trump, Last Thanksgiving I pardoned a Turkey
Kim, Last week I pardoned my favourite General, but I shot his 4 wives. Saved a lot on Alimony

As he is not here can we slag off Putin?

Psst wanna buy a second hand motor? I am selling the Beast . Kept me safe the past 3 years,

LFO. So that's agreed we offer the DOY asylum from HMTQ, you get the IMF to extradite him so the FBI can question him
POTUS...WTF stop talking in slitty eyed code

[Kiltrash]

Firstly welcome back SasLess, Is it my imagination but we have not seen you recently? hope all is well.

However Excellent contributions all round and the runner up is C52 with

Trump: "On this great day for democracy in the People's Republic of North Korea, I would like to build a golf course or two and a luxury resort. There'll be something in it for you, naturally."

And the worthy winner of the CST this time is Buster with..

"I got everything from my Daddy. Keep family members on the payroll & ruthlessly remove anyone who gets in my way. I use compliant media to manipulate the people & get away with blatant lies. All in all, life's good. But, enough about me, how do you maintain control Mr. Kim?"

Take it away Sir

K

[Kiltrash]

Not a Caption. Buster has gone missing; he has had the call from Goodison Park

[Ascend Charlie]

Not a caption, but an observation:
The US camo pants don't do a very good job, when you can see a picture of Trump's face, complete with panda eyes, on the groin of the grunt's pants.

[Senior Pilot]

It's been 15 years since this thread was started by airborne_artist and all those years have produced a magnificent 58,040 posts. Like all good things it must now make way for Caption Competition Mk II, mainly because the system just can't manage such a multitude of posts when it comes to the most basic moderation which ties us up for ages while the IB servers grind away...and away....and away.

Although now locked, this thread will remain for as long as IB will allow. Thanks for the memories and see you on https://www.pprune.org/military-aviation/628118-caption-competition-mk-ii.html :cool: :ok: