Caption competition

[FormerFlake]

Revenge for vicitm of Happy Slapping - Video this!!

[Dan D'air]

" I bought these trousers in Camden."

[Cherskiy]

The annual RAF Boulmer "Tug Of War" contest was rather one-sided this year....

[nacluv]

"Now is not a good time, Grand Master"

[sikeano]

You are the Weakest link Goodbye

[SOTV]

Pleased to meet you Mr Livingstone, sorry the defence budget doesn't stretch to driving in to Central London these days.

[seekayess]

Cheerio, mate! That is as far as I can take you!! 'Twas good knowing you!!!

[lowlypax]

Interesting. I grab hold of the man under the helicopter; pull him all the way out on his string and the whirly thing on the top goes around.

[splitbrain]

Oh no, you're not bottling out of this mess that easily. Now get back in there and fly the thing.

[clicker]

The mythbusters still though it was possible to do a 360 vertical swing without dropping Buster.

[TyroPicard]

Are you in a strop?
Nah, mate, my face is always this colour.....

[c-bert]

Winner to be announced later today, assuming my meeting doesn't go on for ever (which it has a high likelihood of doing).

[ShyTorque]

"Crab" changed heart and went hand in glove to the Air Ambulance. It's just that...at the last minute he couldn't quite go down on the wire himself..... :ugh:

:E

[ACW599]

"Luke! Use the Force!"

[6Z3]

HEADLINES
Dramatic Rescue of single handed yachtsman by a Royal Navy Search and Rescue crew from RAF Middle Wallop.

[c-bert]

Right, finally escaped. Without further ado....

In 3rd place with the ever popular, "Cut that Polish chit-chat!", brickhistory.

In 2nd place (and only because it's what I thought when I saw the picture!), "1 2 3 Bungeeee!" from Hempy.

But the winner, with, "Hello, I'm from the Jehovah's Witnesses, can you spare a few minutes..." is 622! :ok:

You have control...

[seekayess]

:{

:{:{


:{:{:{

[Hempy]

Time for 2nd place to step in methinks

http://www.10dailythings.com/images/scaryhelmet.jpg

622 to judge

[albatross]

1 ) After the accident at the nuclear power plant Prune found his new career in the RAF much safer.

2) New Goalie mask for the RAF Hockey Team.

[seekayess]

I always knew these fighter jocks are tigers!!

[Milt]

Damn - my camera only takes out Red Eye.

[S76Heavy]

"Despite Official denials, our source in the RAF has produced evidence that there is an issue with CRT radiation"

[ShyTorque]

Good morning chaps! Due to the ongoing retention problem your new Boss will be known as Holo-Graham.

[GPMG]

Nobody had discovered Flt Lt Pprunes fetish for eating cylumes, until he was drafted to the first Dave squadron.

or

"Ok, it's time to hand the JSF Dave over to our tame fighter pilot. Some say he's a dark Sith Lord, others say that he has an uncanny knack of winning Pin the tale on the donkey competitions......it's time for Sqn Ldr Stig.

[brickhistory]

Not all Borg look like Jeri Ryan.................................





or





"Luke, I am your distant cousin."

[6Z3]

And it comes with two cup holders

or

The ultimate green eyed monster tries on Woopert's helmet.

or

Michael Jackson's latest face is just about there.

or

Hilary just couldn't hide her feelings as the Democrats race to the White House hots up.

[ShyTorque]

"Aaah...TISHOO! Oh, Damn!"

[Dan D'air]

Despite his best efforts, no amount of Gucci kit could hide the fact that he had been absolutely mullered in the mess the previous evening.

[Talking Radalt]

After the cock-up with Harry in Helmand, attempts to hide William's identity whilst in the crewroom were a little clumsy.

[FlapJackMuncher]

Sqn Ldr De Ville reporting for duty wearing the latest NV goggles (geddit - green eyed monster)


Ohhhh please yourself!

[622]

..just butting in..

Sorry I have been away !!

Thanks to c-bert for voting me the winner, and to Hempy for standing in..:ok:

On with the comp...

[Dan Gerous]

Esso's new promotion. Buy 10,000llb of fuel and get a free wobbly head pilot figure for your coaming.

[WhiteOvies]

The friendly Dave pilot scared the s:mad:t out of the kids after his display at the Families Day.

Or

George Lucas is sueing the MOD for infringement of his Star Wars trademark:

http://www.nasm.si.edu/exhibitions/StarWars/images/BookImages/tiepilot.jpg

[Hempy]

Thats ok 622, you are judging this one :}:}

[VitaminGee]

On exchange in the States, Sqn Ldr Shedload O'Dollars, tries out his fancy dress for the 'O' Club's forthcoming Fly-On-The-Wall party.

[The Nr Fairy]

Pilot Officer Prune's new contact lenses were really irritating !

------------------

Pilot Officer Prune was hoping his hi-tech attempt at biker's floppy ears would pass the CO !

[FinelyChopped]

The RAF's first Kilrathi exchange pilot looked forward to flying Dave (with apologies to the Wing Commander series of PC games)

[brokenlink]

Sqn Ldr Bloggs realised that he was a tad overdressed to fly a VFR sortie in the UAS Tutor aircraft.

[Beatriz Fontana]

On reflection, the Squadron Leader realised he really should have read the small print before his laser eye operation.

[Lafyar Cokov]

Having a special tube that gave Sqn Ldr Pprune the ability to suck himself off was great - until he saw Wg Cdr Kodogo - without the need for any special apparatus. The signs of envy were obvious!!!

[ACW599]

"Welcome to Relate's psychosexual clinic, Mr Bloggs. Now, could you start by telling me a little more about this fetish of yours began?"

[Archimedes]

"No, Sir Glenn...I am your father..."

[The AvgasDinosaur]

Major Zork Brebblebax, USAF, 2nd in command 51st Area Aircraft Evaluation Flight, Groom Lake Nevada caused something of a stir when he attended his first press briefing, near his base near to the Tonopah Test Range, Nevada last night.
Be lucky
David:cool:

[622]

Judging Monday pm - keep em' coming !

[PICKS135]

Latest version of Beer Googles issued to aircrew

[ZH875]

The latest JTAC helmet would enable HRH to finish his tour in the 'stan without fear of being outed by the Spam Gutter Press.

[clicker]

"Nope them aliens were fine, didn't harm me at all."

[ACW599]

The highly classified EWOS paper had stated that electromagnetic emissions from the Sentinel R1's SLAR were well within safe limits, but some 5 Sqn crew members retained nagging doubts.

or:

Squadron Leader Bloggs' wife wondered whether her husband was using his new iPhone a little more often than was strictly wise.

[Hempy]

"Arrggh GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF MEEE!!!!"

[PingDit]

OK darling, I'm ready to change her nappy now!

[Groundaphobic]

......some bloody idiot yelled "TRICEROTOPS!".....and instantly Pprune morphed into his 'power ranger' form.

[sikeano]

After Harry's stint in Helmand Raf drafts in Stig for Iraq

[622]

Ok...here we go...

In Third Place
S76Heavy with:
"Despite Official denials, our source in the RAF has produced evidence that there is an issue with CRT radiation"

In Second Place
PingDit with:
OK darling, I'm ready to change her nappy now!

But the winner is
Dan D'air with:
Despite his best efforts, no amount of Gucci kit could hide the fact that he had been absolutely mullered in the mess the previous evening.

Well done - over to you.:D

[brickhistory]

Please, sir, I'd like some more.....caption photo, that is......

[622]

Ok...time is up.

Time for second place to step in....

Over to you PingDit

(Judging by Dan D'air)

[Dan D'air]

Thank you!! Am chuffed to bits to be able to compete in such exalted company!

Will post a photo when I get home tonight if that's ok.

:O:O:O DD.

[622]

I have just noticed your location Dan, so I would like to point out that I was in no way 'Northernist' when I picked a winner. All entries were seriously considered - including all those from flat cap wearing, whippet owning black pudding munchers..:E

[622]

Ok, Dan D'air is still 'out of town' , but has been in touch to ask me to post on his behalf, so here goes...

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb137/viking622/heave.jpg

Dan D'air still to judge !

[S76Heavy]

How fast do we need to go for a RAM air start?

[Air Cadet]

When we get to 120 knots everybody down and let it go past..

[S'land]

Well, he could at least take the bl***y brakes off!

[Beatriz Fontana]

The latest round of defence cuts meant the engines were not allowed to start up until just before take off.

Or

Navigators take direct action!

[pohm1]

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb137/viking622/heave.jpg


The Tonka crews demonstration to the world of their "Fast Jet" capability convinces no-one.

P1

[pohm1]

Or


"No-one move 'til we get another 20 hiviz jackets"

P1

[TheWizard]

Breaking News:
20 Tornado Pilots pull without once mentioning that they are Tornado Pilots



or

" Ere, Chief, we thought you was 'avin a laff when you said we was gonna get pulled off by the aircrew!"

[Dan Gerous]

Bloke in Hi Viz jacket
"Why are you pulling that rope?"
Bloke in white T-shirt looking back,
"Have you ever tried pushing a rope"

[brickhistory]

The 'green' movement has gone too far!



or




The Polish Air Force misunderstood the line requirements for the RC-controlled competition.......................

[clicker]

RAF version of the civvie pushback was brought in on a trial basic at Marham.

[622]

Top Gear demand a rematch but this time with some 'handicaping' on the jet.

[Krystal n chips]

It was becoming clear to the troops that the new BEngo's concept of leaning was just a shade different to the one that their airships had envisaged.

or.

"Well sir, I thought it was a jolly good idea at the time as we could do away with the need for an MT section, save lots of pounds, and get the troops ready for the fitness test at the same time.......the medics say I should make a full recovery in about 5 yrs sir " .

[GPMG]

Whilst testing out the latest Action man accessories.

"And look here Jones, if you pull this cord you get an annoying voice that says "I'm a fast jet pilot....love me"

[lowlypax]

The government's latest cost saving idea of a recoil start jet engine was not the success they had hoped.

[ShyTorque]

Chief - Are you sure the new battery will arrive tomorrow?

[airborne_artist]

"Listen up, despite the uniform ban, the RAF will be represented at the Peterborough Carnival.

Someone make sure the guy sitting in the front seat has taken off his name badge."

[Beeayeate]

I know there's defence cuts going through but, ffs there must be an easier way to get landed jets off the runway and back to the pan!

[Early Stacker]

The new RAF Fitness Test was a little more challenging than its predecessor.

[Rigex]

Oi! - selecting the airbrakes out isn't helping!

[cynicalint]

Well, we baited the hook with charisma in the hope of catching a pilot, but look what we caught instead!

[Roadster280]

"I told you we shouldn't have diverted to Manchester. These ba$tards will steal anything!"

[bspatz]

These defence cuts are really beginning to bite, when I joined we used to have enough fuel to fly them, now we can only afford one hi viz jacket for the whole towing team

[The Nr Fairy]

Having taken over the RAF's Harriers, the Navy was working on a manpower-intensive catapult solution for dry land.

[ZH875]

Fer gawds sake, tell the driver to deselect the thrust reverse buckets.


...Next time, don't use an Italian Tonka....

[Dan Gerous]

FFS, if they want it to go faster, why doesn't the Nav get out and push... that's what he's there for.

[sikeano]

Ok Lads,

Here comes the Bride, Mind your backs

[PingDit]

"Chief!"
"Are you sure you removed the concrete from the RADOME?"

[EngAl]

Tell the guy in the yellow tractor to stop sulking and come and pull our Tonka with his Tonka!

[ACW599]

"I don't know about you, Boss, but this new brake bedding-in procedure seems a bit laborious to me".

[PICKS135]

RAF agrees to help DSS with disability benefit fitness testing

[Dan D'air]

The new, handicapped BFT would not have been as difficult had they had been allowed to wear the Hi-Tec Silver shadows of old.

[EdSet100]

Pilot to guy in hi-viz vest:

"OK, Chief, its in 2nd gear, let me know when to let the clutch out"

[tomshepherd]

Are we at V1 yet?

[Hempy]

"Join the Raf, they said. It'll help you pull your weight, they said. You'll lead the pack, they said.....http://www.ausbattlefields.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/tard.gif"

[Quincey]

Can someone lend me a teenager? I can't even find out how to view the picture let alone think up a caption!

[622]

Nip back to post #5199 - the picture is there.:ok:

[6Z3]

BAe Chairman (Thinks): "Mmmmm....wonder if they twig that we haven't done the full monty on it?"

[BikerMark]

BAA reject claims that the off-pier operation planned for T5 has some problems.

[S76Heavy]

"Thanks but not thanks, Al Gore. This global warming hype is getting pretty ridiculous!"

[Quincey]

Thanks 622. Interesting photo but saddened to see that the few remaining RAF personnel still exibit that plucky, 'can do' attitude despitecontinuing Defence Budget cuts.:ok:

[seekayess]

We won it in the Station raffle, fair and square! So what if none of us know how to fly it?

[RETDPI]

" Armed Forces Day seen as "A brilliant idea" by retired CDS.

[Milt]

"Is this the full extention of the pitot tube?"

[ACW599]

"If I hear one more b*gger say anything about us being on the pull, I'll kick his head in".

[xiphias]

"And if you look over here Sir, you'll see our new variant undergoing final testing - the Tow-nado."

(groan)

[The AvgasDinosaur]

"We will beat those sailors and their gun carriage this year!"
Be lucky
David

[Dan D'air]

If there are no objections then I will start judging and post the results tomorrow (Friday 14th March) morning.:}

[Brian Dixon]

Listen. Until they increase the budget, we can't afford the engines. keep winding the elasic band and stop complaining!

[Duckbutt]

Come on lads, put your backs into it - it's got to be over Murrayfield in 17 minutes and we'll get a hell of a lot of stick if its late!

:E:E:E

[seekayess]

Just reposting the picture as it isn't easy to go looking for it!!



http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb137/viking622/heave.jpg

[GasFitter]

"With the Tornado IPT now contracted to Rolls-Royce for 'Power-By-The-Hour', it's cheaper to employ these airmen for all taxying duties, thus reducing our costs! Now, where's my £25?"

[GasFitter]

"Swing Low. Sweet Chariot. Coming for to carry me home!"

[WhiteOvies]

RAF demonstrates it's new 'Target Tug' capability.

[lowlypax]

Are you sure this is the relief tube cleaning pull through we've got here and not......

[ShyTorque]

This was to be the worst pitot blockage ever experienced by the Tornado fleet.

[sitigeltfel]

OK, ignition on, put in 1st gear and when I shout "now" drop the clutch.

[seekayess]

Didn't know fighter a/c also had reverse thrust!

[Dan D'air]

Folks, am really sorry but have been called out from standby (almost never happens) so will fix asap!!!! :} Thanks DD.

[Dan D'air]

OK lets go..............

In third place, The Wizard with;

20 Tornado Pilots pull without once mentioning that they are Tornado Pilots

In second place, bspatz with;

These defence cuts are really starting to bite, when I joined we used to have enough fuel to fly them, now we can only afford one hi viz jacket for the whole towing team

But I feel that the winner must be Duckbutt, with;

Come on lads, Put your backs into it - it's got to be over Murrayfield in 17 minutes and we'll get a hell of a lot of stick if it's late

Baton over to you, Duckbutt............... (and by the way, I nearly pi$$ed myself when I read it!!!!)

[Duckbutt]

Wow I won! Sorry, I've been at work all day and as I never thought for one moment I would win (I really only posted it to wind up people like E*** 6) so haven't got anything prepared.

Please bear with me for a short time while I get my a**e in gear.

DB

[Duckbutt]

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b229/Twyler/Capcomp.jpg

I'm new to this thread so I hope it hasn't been done before.

[PingDit]

"Oh 8ollocks"

[Milt]

"Wonder whose wheel that is?"

[OCDave]

MOD purchases new kit for use in Iraq

[FinelyChopped]

They don't look like chaff modules...

[Dan Gerous]

MUM, DAD, LOOK, the training wheels are off, I'm a big boy now.

[lowlypax]

Alasdair Darling's attempt to spend time away from work came to a rude end when his quad bike began to reflect his economic prowess.

[brickhistory]

Messerschmitt ATV Corp had second thoughts about hiring those retired 'Komet' engineers..............................

[Beatriz Fontana]

I always wondered what that button did...

[The AvgasDinosaur]

"Now would be a good time to learn how to land a tail dragger"
Be lucky
David

[ShyTorque]

In Duckbutt's own words:

Please bear with me for a short time while I get my a**e in gear.

Or:

Having succesfully initiated Stage 1, Fred desperately pressed button B ever harder, but the wings stayed firmly furled. His last words were: "Bastaaaaaards!"

[kwachon]

Ahhh...Chicken Korma after burner in full flight!

[Busta]

Proposed Nulabour government logo?

Nothing matters very much, most things don't matter at all.

[Krystal n chips]

It slowly began to dawn on Rupert where he had seen the attractive blonde before...the one he had been describing in such lurid details to the engineer....... and what he was going to do when he pulled her......

[seekayess]

So, it is the pit-boss that my girlfriend is two-timing with!!

[Hempy]

"Wings retracted, the pilot waits for the remote landing gear to attach on short final"

[Lurking123]

Barnes Wallis Jr gets it wrong, again.

[Flyingblind]

The first flight of the JPA teams entry did not look overly promising.

[mystic_meg]

..the wisdom of buying the 'bargain quad' from the guy in Liverpool was brought horribly and suddenly into focus for Bob..

[622]

errrrrrr...George, I think I've found where those spare nuts we had should go !

[ACW599]

This rare photograph shows a little-known and highly classified precursor of the VTOL 'Flying Bedstead', known only as '156'. It is seen trialling an early method of weight reduction in the hover, which was not successful.

[tutgby]

Having cheated on his wife, Fred finally understood the definition of revenge...

[airborne_artist]

So this is when I kiss my arse goodbye...

[TheWizard]

Ozzy Osbourne finally gets his revenge on the quad bike company that said

"Even a spaced out half-wit could ride one of these without getting hurt"

[Hill Walker]

"You have GOT to be sh!tt!ng me..."



('The Thing', 1982, d. John Carpenter)

[pohm1]

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b229/Twyler/Capcomp.jpg

Bloggs was the best rider around, but he didn't "axel" at engineering.

P1:O

[Dan D'air]

Swiss Des finally realised that he managed to make the wheels come off everything he touched, not just at the part-time dayjob.

[GPMG]

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b229/Twyler/Capcomp.jpg

Heather Mills began to ponder the reasons why Paul had smiled when she had added the ATV to her list of demands.

[Hill Walker]

"Whaddya mean, it doesn't make the road tax any cheaper?!"

[lowlypax]

Q was right. These stealth axle extenders really are invisible.

Top marks to GPMG. Very topical and very funny.

[splitbrain]

Bloggs now realised that his mechanic's call of "NUTS" as he left the pits did not in fact warrant the two-finger salute he had given in return.

[lowlypax]

Switching from 4 wheel drive to 2 wheel drive didn't have the expected effect.


Bloggs was dismayed to see his bike begin to look like the assembly diagram.

[TyroPicard]

Harry's plan for a game of Desert Quidditch was already starting to unravel...

[cynicalint]

Idoit! When Gordon Brown asked for a picture to accurately illustrate the Nu Lab machinery of goverment, what he meant was...........

[ZH875]

The government watched, quietly smiling, as their plan to ensure all vehicles were two wheel drive only was demonstrated.

[EyesFront]

Super Aguri's lack of pre-season testing meant they were ill-prepared for the F1 race circuit being bumpier than expected.

In retrospect, employing work-experience students for the pitstops may not have been the best way to keep costs down.

[ShyTorque]

Lying so-and-so's told me this was a limited slip diff!

Or:

I think I've just been half shafted!

[6Z3]

#...But I’m singing a happy song

[lowlypax]

So that's what the mechanic meant when he said I'd need some big nuts if I was going to drive this thing.

[S76Heavy]

I said: "Go, go Gadget WINGS!!"

[sikeano]

Calling Tower, Is my Undercarriage down, I have done a manaul release

[seekayess]

This thread was far too down on the second page!! :)



Just recovering it to its right place!! :}:}

[brickhistory]

The Polish re-make of "Transformers" lost something in the translation.....

[seekayess]

Jettison the useless wheels and this, I believe, is when the second stage super-rockets cut in and I head for the outer space!

[lowlypax]

Bloodnock's delayed curry effect not only blew him off his seat but also blew his back wheels off.

[TyroPicard]

Back to the top .. judging time?
TP

[Sunk at Narvik]

On the MoD team building corporate day Swiss Des couldn't hide his disbelief when staff advised him two wheels is less maintenance intensive and more cost effective than four..

[Hill Walker]

Bugger....

[GPMG]

Looks like Duckbutt is away having a life.

Would one of the 'old and bold' fancy calling this one?

[Rigex]

IKEA launch new quad range

[Hill Walker]

How about a_a? He started this whole thing off several thousand posts ago!

[Dan Gerous]

Mayday Mayday Mayday, Heathrow Tower this is Terminal Five, the wheels have come off and ...

[6Z3]

Well, he made it Muddyfield on time.........but at a cost.



PS. Perhaps a runner-up from the last judging could pick up the torch - Bspatz or Wiz?

[GPMG]

The original pic is no longer there.

Hope I'm not being necky, but this thread needs a bit of resus.


If anyone else wants to crack on then be my guest but if not, how about this to kick it off again. Judging on Friday.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y233/songunblog/usstealsheepiraq.jpg

[airborne_artist]

Well done GPMG!

[PICKS135]

Well thats my date sorted for tonight

[brickhistory]

Colt M-4 automatic rifle............................$1200
Oakley sunglasses/protection.....................$ 120
Finding a date for the battalion ball.............priceless



or




New Zealand's contribution to peacekeeping was quite but effective.

[Occasional Aviator]

The CSM misunderstood when he heard that the company commander was about to set another goat running...

[Hempy]

"and if I shove my hand in further he talks, watch!"

[seekayess]

Good thing the New Zealand Army permits you to take your overseas girlfriends home!

[The Nr Fairy]

PFC Smith was to be commended on his sighting and defusing of the IED. "The det cord gave it away" he said when interviewed after.

[Flyingblind]

Lady on the left addressing the Gentleman on the right:

"Sheee-it Boy.........i knew it! you hillbilly's always prefer blonds!"

[Eagle402]

Enraged sheep : Get me to a vet before this thing on my arse gets any bigger.....

[airborne_artist]

"Remember, a lamb isn't just for Christmas. Used carefully it will make tasty and nutritious shepherd's pies until Jan 15th at least.

[6Z3]

Yer but it comes with strings attached.

[Dan Gerous]

1st grunt "Shagtastic"
2nd grunt "Ooh behave"

[Chox Away]

'Are you going to be shearing that tonight' asks the soldier on the left.

'Not bloody likely, you'll have to find your own!'

[airborne_artist]

Grunt holding sheep - "She says "Do ya wanna meet her sister?""

[lowlypax]

Sheep: "When he talks I bet you can't see my lips move."

[S76Heavy]

I'm sure I lost my watch in there somewhere..

[splitbrain]

I'm not ignoring you ducky, you're next!

[lowlypax]

And this is how the company came to be known as the ram-raiders.

[Beatriz Fontana]

They said I could sell the wife for a camel. When they actually saw her, all they gave me was this lousy sheep!

[lowlypax]

Just a minute while I slip into my new fleece...

[GPMG]

Well it's Friday so it's time to judge, and I'd like to nominate The NR Fairy for:

'PFC Smith was to be commended on his sighting and defusing of the IED. "The det cord gave it away" he said when interviewed after.'

All yours NR.

[The Nr Fairy]

Try this one :

http://usmilitary.about.com/library/captions/photo-52.jpg

Apologies for the delay in posting - the sandpit where I currently am for work (two tall towers, full of Saudis - hint enough?) was on holiday yesterday. As an aside, I thought it was bloody hot yesterday and all I was doing was relaxing. Kudos to the guys and gals who actually work for a living in these temperatures.

[Mactlsm1]

Not a quote, but hasn't this one already been done?:(

[ShyTorque]

Yes, it has. (Can't stop - I'm just going to use the search facility to see what won last time). :E

[RAFEmployee]

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t126/Andrew0510/P8060075.jpg

This great grandma was waiting for kids to come back after allowing them to play in their inflatable...

[The Nr Fairy]

Arse. Apologies - so long since I've won a round . . .

[ShyTorque]

Just find another... :p

[PingDit]

Four days later and Gladys was determined to get value for money from the hire fee!

[The Nr Fairy]

ST - didn't want to upset RAFEmployee.

May I also suggest this one, with a slightly more military focus:

http://www.militaryimages.net/photopost/data/642/swiss_army_gun.jpg

[seekayess]

Where the **** have I left my car keys?

[6Z3]

With one clean shot Kal reckoned he could add a copper rheumatism band, a pair of powerful bi-focals, a digital hearing aid, a colostomy bag, a neck mounted panic button, a folding deckchair and a dogpoop bin.

[PICKS135]

Stick a broom up me ass and I'll sweep the floor aswell

[Beatriz Fontana]

That's all very well but it's still £3billion over budget and five years too late.

[RAFEmployee]

ST - didn't want to upset RAFEmployee.

Don't worry mate, took it in the I o W, thought it was fun.

[PingDit]

Victorinox were sure they had a market winner with the 'self defence' additional blade!

[brickhistory]

Fisher-Price unveils the 'The Rambo' mobile............

[splitbrain]

Sick of getting slotted by 10 year old kids in Call Of Duty Deathmatch, Fred comes up with the ultimate 'mod'.

Or

30 years after the original, Mattel come up with the 'Johnny 97' gun.

[Beatriz Fontana]

Go go gadget corkscrew!

[OCDave]

Not to be outdone, the Americans slightly modified the swiss version of the rifle by adding a set of keys to it.

[6Z3]

OK, which bast**d superglued the eyepiece!

[mystic_meg]

...and with this new, improved version you don't even need to be that close to the horse to remove a stone from it's hoof....

[6Z3]

Hold on, you're absolutely right; by looking just to one side you can pick out a very faint outline of a charisma....and if I'm not mistaken I think you'll find it's Brown....and colourless.

[Mactlsm1]

...and DON'T forget to forward assist!

[wileydog3]

after 8 years of testing by the Pentagon of what was to be a simple replacement of the infantry rifle...

[Rather be Gardening]

Nigel was beginning to have second thoughts about having laser eye surgery.

[lowlypax]

Gordon Brown reveals his new opinion gathering device.

[EyesFront]

'Q' presented his latest invention: "Actually Bond, this is a lethal cuckoo clock, despite its harmless appearance. As soon as you whistle the first few bars of the Birdy song, the cuckoo will pop out and emit a lethal gas from its fundamental orifice"

[6Z3]

To stem the burgeoning weight growth, MoD chose to retrofit the butt-mounted E2C compass over the standard GPS. When pressed, the FCNFTCASK* IPTL did admit that reversing an earlier decision to replace the sniper barrel with concrete ballast might have "killed two birds with one stone"; however, he went on, "we had the benefit of hindsight to fit the one-birded foresight as a result of the move towards a predominantly single pilot fleet. The original two-birded Ojibwa Bird Snare was therefore deemed to be an extravagance. The gizmo above the eyepiece? Oh, that's the HSE-stipulated Airbag, which we were able to fit following the decision remove the cigarette lighter from its utility socket next to the knife; and before you ask, the Swan Vestas fit very neatly in the magazine, now devoid of sniper rifle ammunition. Oh, and no, of course there are no batteries, the torch is a solar-powered; keep up dummy. We are particularly proud of being able to retain obligatory the right angle, which aircrew had stipulated. Again, before you ask, we filled the torch battery compartment with concrete to maintain the C of G within limits, and the keys unlock the safety blade from the glove box in the aircraft as unfortunately we found that the knife fitted doesn't cut through webbing that well".
http://www.militaryimages.net/photopost/data/642/swiss_army_gun.jpg
Future Combat Night Flying Torch Cum Aircrew Survival Knife

[clicker]

Batteries not included.

[enginesuck]

Ok now strip your weapon for normal daily cleaning............

6 hours later............

Now reassemble your weapon.

[Roadster280]

"I don't care how good you think the rifle is. Get your fcuking hair cut!".

[brickhistory]

Jackie Chan's screen test for the part of 'Q'

[Hempy]

"I would so shoot you right now - if I could find the god damned trigger"

[ShyTorque]

"Sorry sir, you'll have to check the keys in as hold baggage".

[Tricorn]

In your own time.........carry on.............

[Early Stacker]

Do try not to break it this time Bond...

[lowlypax]

I'll fire it just as soon as I have finished watching this episode of Eastenders.

[The Nr Fairy]

Judging 1800 Friday 11th, on account of me leaving for a dirty weekend in New York with the missus on the 12th !

[TyroPicard]

There's still muck on your spoon, you 'orrible man. Do it again.

[seekayess]

TNF


1800 Friday 11th




Wha' 'appened, then?




:hmm:

[The Nr Fairy]

Apologies. Alcohol induced amnesia !

MIDs to Roadster280 and 6Z3. However, ShyTorque's classic

"Sorry sir, you'll have to check the keys in as hold baggage"

floats my boat. All yours, sir.

[ShyTorque]

Nr Fairy, enjoy your holiday. Someone's waiting for you......

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/big-cheerleader.jpg

[Dan D'air]

Local leave from APC was never the same after Northern birds started holidaying in Cancun.

[Brian Dixon]

Jeff's idea of filling her full of helium seemed to do the trick!

[brickhistory]

Apparently, fitness standards ARE different for men and women recruits......

[clicker]

Pvt Bloggs found out why he was unlucky 13 when he noticed she was'nt wearing anything under the skirt

[splitbrain]

The new 'Powerlift Your Partner' format for the RAFFT was less well received on units where partners were found to be of above average build.

[Beatriz Fontana]

The Russian Army's programme to get their rotund Generals fit again takes its first tenuous steps.

[GPMG]

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/shytorque/big-cheerleader.jpg

US cheerleaders perform their parody of the MOD's procurement process.

13 = MOD
21, 16,23,64,24 = Medium Lift helicopter options.
00 = AgustaWestland Merlin

[ACW599]

The new Commandant OASC introduced some decidedly innovative selection techniques into the leadership exercises.

[wileydog3]

Sgt. Davies learns a new meaning for 'acid rain'

[Roadster280]

"I cannae hold her much longer, Captain" - in Star Trek "Scotty" voice.

[ZH875]

In 3 seconds, the guy holding her will clap his hands and disappear.

[6Z3]

The Lord Webber ups the stakes in the "I'll do Anything" final

[ACW599]

>"I cannae hold her much longer, Captain" - in Star Trek "Scotty" voice.<

Or maybe "For Christ's sake beam her up, Scotty, NOW"

[PingDit]

Mary was determined to prove to the judges that her 00kg weight label was factual......

[PingDit]

or....

Mary and her partner were determined not to have their left hands super-glued to their left legs by the local practical joker like the rest of their unfortunate team!

[ekoja]

Now. while your'e up there, I'II get you to change that light bulb.:ooh: