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Caption Competition Mk III

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Caption Competition Mk III

Old 9th Dec 2021, 19:06
  #7401 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Often in Jersey, but mainly in the past.
Age: 79
Posts: 7,766
Received 128 Likes on 57 Posts
“Are you wearing a mask?”

”No, Ma’am, it’s just the Botox treatment.”
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Old 9th Dec 2021, 20:27
  #7402 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: One Three Seven, Disco Heaven.
Age: 65
Posts: 2,509
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Received 20 Likes on 11 Posts
I don't care if he has just had another child, I'm still sacking him in the morning.


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Old 9th Dec 2021, 21:32
  #7403 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Great South East, tired and retired
Posts: 4,322
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Received 164 Likes on 73 Posts
"Find the person who put purple dye in the handwash, and send him to the Tower!"
Ascend Charlie is offline  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 07:26
  #7404 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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It appears your Government have put forward to raise the retirement age to 90. Quoting your long life in one one job as the reasoning. ..
Kiltrash is online now  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 09:30
  #7405 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: QLD - where drivers are yet to realise that the left lane goes to their destination too.
Posts: 3,300
Received 168 Likes on 68 Posts
Marm, we were going to get that chair reupholstered, and we had some fabric sent up to do so, but it seems to have gone missing. You haven't seen it have yo........
Traffic_Is_Er_Was is offline  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 10:10
  #7406 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 32,136
Received 2,433 Likes on 1,014 Posts
Last orders, scoring today so a new one can be up for the weekend.
NutLoose is online now  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 15:23
  #7407 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
Ma'am, we have had the Prime Minister on the phone, asking does the Palace have any recommendations for contractors to re furbished the residential flat in 10 Downing Street...
Oh yes, give him the number of O'Rilley. I understand he did a wonderfull job at Fawltey Towers ...
Kiltrash is online now  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 15:49
  #7408 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Often in Jersey, but mainly in the past.
Age: 79
Posts: 7,766
Received 128 Likes on 57 Posts
"One would like it recovered in ... umm ... chintz."

"Bless you, Ma'am."
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Old 10th Dec 2021, 20:18
  #7409 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Here and there.
Posts: 1,141
Received 55 Likes on 28 Posts
"Mam, please may I ask that you stop covering yourself in copydex and running at the curtains"
SATCOS WHIPPING BOY is offline  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 21:45
  #7410 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: QLD - where drivers are yet to realise that the left lane goes to their destination too.
Posts: 3,300
Received 168 Likes on 68 Posts
Once One threads these flowers through One's hair, One will be damn near invisible in the south garden.
Traffic_Is_Er_Was is offline  
Old 10th Dec 2021, 21:50
  #7411 (permalink)  
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Peripatetic
Posts: 16,995
Received 1,365 Likes on 621 Posts
I’m afraid I have some bad news about Mr Bond your Majesty, your next jumb from the helicopter will have to be solo…
ORAC is offline  
Old 11th Dec 2021, 07:57
  #7412 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
HMTQ...a hat, A hat my Kingdom for a hat...
1SL...it's on the stand behind you...There meet King Nick I

Last edited by Kiltrash; 11th Dec 2021 at 08:08.
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 08:02
  #7413 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
I'm afraid Ma'am even the Charity shop has returned this chair....smells of wee
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 08:10
  #7414 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
This was not the response I expected with a Internet search for " queen with pearl necklace "
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 11:54
  #7415 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: One Three Seven, Disco Heaven.
Age: 65
Posts: 2,509
Likes: 0
Received 20 Likes on 11 Posts
No your majesty, he hasn't judged it yet.
Right, then that's Nutloose off the New Year's honour list.
Dan Gerous is offline  
Old 11th Dec 2021, 12:06
  #7416 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
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Well I for one will not be watching the ' Duel in the Desert " I have had enough watching grown men racing round in circles, crashing into each other. I know it was Philips favourite pastime but one must move on...
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 12:10
  #7417 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
It appears the Royal Food Taster has come down with something nasty and contagious so we have had to close the Royal Kitchen, so what would you like for dinner, Big Mac and fries or KFC...
( other fast food outlets are available on Deliveroo )
( other food delivery services are available )
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 12:15
  #7418 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
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It appears we have been approached by CH5 they would like to do a documentary on your ' Care in the Community ' experiences. However to make it show it warts and all they would like you to move into a sub standard council estate care home...and 400 tenants from Toxteth get to live in the Palace...
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 14:21
  #7419 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
Ma'am, I understand you have lost all confidence in your Prime Minister and unless the Conservative party replace him you will call a election ... As your parting gift to the Country we feel this will get you a gig with Andrew Marr and Kay Burley..
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Old 11th Dec 2021, 19:05
  #7420 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 11,834
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Received 29 Likes on 25 Posts
Unfortunately Ma'am, according to Government Guidelines you have to work from home....now which house do you want to nominate as your home??
( Ps hope Nutty is alright &#128513
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