Caption Competition Mk III

[Beamr]

Yes ma'am, you do need to provide a valid Covid pass before we can let you enter the public area of Buckingham palace.

[andytug]

I don't care how smart the commissionaire looks, the Palace is not and will never be a hotel!

[SLXOwft]

Three yaars in the job, eh? Well done I suppose, I have been in mine nearly seventy but then they can't pension me orf in favour of a sailor.

[Chu Chu]

We're getting early reports that Halifax may have lost a bit of Crown. We should have an update from the Tower soon.

[Kiltrash]

HMTQ
The small ad asked for someone to help me reply to the begging letters, .... and help with light duties, What do you mean there are NO applicants??
Flunky
No ma'am seems that PPRuNe on Social Media managed to scare them all off....
HMTQ
Bring me that Nutloose chappies head...on a spike..

[Kiltrash]

Remind me again , Which of the Commonwealth Countries do you represent. ...
After devolution...England...

[Kiltrash]

Yes ma'am after equal equality I'm your new bottom wiper
( seems that's all I'm qualified for after the latest Cock up's on my watch )

[Self loading bear]

Your Majesty,
I wanted to inform you 4 hours ago that there was no use to it that you would test our new camo suit yourselves. But I could not find you between the floral furniture.

[Dan Gerous]

Well it started off as a 10,000 piece jigsaw, but we thought it was so nice, we had it mounted and framed.

[Ascend Charlie]

"Damned Royal Hangman got it wrong again, that's not the way we tie a noose. Orf with his head!"

[treadigraph]

Did you say your name is Carter? Weren't you the Captain of the Good Ship Venus?

[Burnt Fishtrousers]

That lanyard of your looks suspiciously like ones bell ring to the kitchens that went missing

[Wensleydale]

Your Majesty....I am afraid that you are no longer "The Queen", but "The Monarch". I need your permission to re-write the National Anthem.

[cavuman1]

Double O Seven tells us that you are just the man to rid us of our annoying Harry problem....

- Ed

[Traffic_Is_Er_Was]

One is doing One's bit so as to be as one with One's subjects in these austere times. Having said that, it's not that bloody cold in here.

[Big Pistons Forever]

You will do, you have the Windsor nose

[Kiltrash]

Yes ma'am, it appears you broke Covid Rules by having a Cheese and Wine party last Christmas, but don't worry compared to the Government you are loved by the country

[Kiltrash]

No sorry I know you won the ' Get the Queen a new partner ' contest on Ch4 hosted by Davina but I'm sorry it just won't work due to our height difference. ....said the flunky. ....

[Kiltrash]

Your Chandelier ma'am, yes I have found you a nice local trader with 2 lovely assistants to clean and repair. They are experts on Louis 14 ones, been in the trade for 3 generations. I believe they are the ones who helped you back to the Palace when the Bentley broke down on you in Windsor Park. .
Only thing they insist on Cash no cards, VAT or Income tax. ..

[Kiltrash]

Ma'am, we have had Ch4 on the phone, they would like to come and do a programme on the Windsor Castle makeover, only thing is you would need to move into a caravan in the grounds. They do promise to keep the noise down.