I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...

[Seymour Belvoir]

I wish he hadn't said that.

Sgt's Mess bar, RAF Kinloss, 1988. Several young sgt aircrew having a beer at happy hour are joined by a hairy old Chief Tech. At about six pm, two old dears, probably WO's wives, arrive in the bar, order G+Ts and start playing the friut machine.

Young sgts and CT continue consuming ale and the language starts to get a bit fruity which draws disaproving looks and lots of 'tutting' from the two old dears.

More beers, more language, more 'tutting'.

On the stroke of 7 pm, the barman wanders over to the group of aircrew and says, 'sorry lads, no uniforms in the bar after 7, you'll have to go to the Scuffs' No problem, the lads start to exit the bar, but on the way out, the hairy old CT mooches over to the two old dears and says,

'Sorry about the language ladies, but you know what these f**kin' aircrew are like!'

[Mick Strigg]

General (stood in front of paper shredder): "Do you know how this damn thing works lad?"

Corporal: "Yes Sir, let me do it for you. You just slide the paper into the slot like this."

General: "Thank you, just the one copy will do!"

[Biggles225]

It was a while ago!

On a fairly well known Welsh island when whirlwinds were king, a certain Scots flight lieutenant recently arrived from Oman and the SH force was heard to say "This angel of mercy cr*p gets right up my sher!"

Until recently it was in one of the old line books!

[GPMG]

It's probably an urban myth.

First Drill whilst jabbing a Mne Rct in the chest with his pace stick: "There's a c**t on the end of this stick isn't there Rct Dawson"

The soon to be dead Rct Dawson: "Not at my end Sir".

N.B. First Drill is like your standard nasty, shouty, drill nazi but multiplied by 10.


Also something that apparentely happened.

Heard over the tannoy at Lympstone CTC

"Do you hear there, do you here there......Rct Brown report to the guardroom, your Granddad has just died.....That is all".



This did happen as I was on the firing line at the time.

Finishing the multiple position range stance at Lydd, one of our Cpl's paid the price for his stupidity by sending an ND whistleing off down the range.
He tries to make light of it by turning to his mate and in a stupid 70's game show type voice says "ND!!!!!!, well hows about that then."

Unfortunately for him the CO and RSM had just turned up and were standing about 5 meters behind him. The RSM (who was just horrible) went on to explain the error of the Cpl's ways and why said Cpl was at that moment comparable to 7 shades of sh*t and how the RSM looked forward to seeing the Cpl manning the Guard room for life after having been charged to hell and back.

The look on the Cpl's face as his world imploded was priceless.


And something that I wish I had never said was probably the worst look forward ever given at the end of a lecture. At the end of a Navigation by night (use of stars) lecture.

Me: "Ok then as a look forward. Your out on Ringmoor for a Navex this evening, for tonight the stars are above you, crack on"

It was an off the cuff comment and it was only when I was uttering it that I realised just how pants it was. All I get is 30 blokes cracking up and giggleing and snide comments for the rest of the week.

[TheWizard]

RIAT, Fairford 1993. Sat by C130 wing eating lunch as two Migs whoosh around doing their thing.

Me: "I don't know what all the fuss is about, they don't even fly that close to each other"

5 secs later, lunch goes up in the air as we all try to beat the land speed record to reach the nearest airframe for cover!!

As the well documented results unfold I heard a voice say
"Nice one, are you related to Murray Walker?!"

[Bubblewindow]

Just a couple from the other side of the pond though not as hilarious as some of "yours".....

While in recruit training one of my instructors who had been drafted in from the army decided he wanted us out of DPM's and back on the square in No.1's post haste..."Im givin you a minute to get back here in yer No.1s...100,99,98,97...."

A British Army Gazzelle put down in a barracks on the wrong side of the border and the M.P on duty was quoted as saying to the camp commander "Sir, Ive locked the gates, theres no way they're gettin outta here tnite!!"

[xrba]

Terrific thread, recently discovered, provided me with some of the best laughs I've had in ages, not to mention a few memories. My humble offering follows.

In the 60's a vertically challenged Scottish colleague was flying a SkyMeter from a carrier, [forget which one] off Subic Bay NAS in the Philippines, usually referred to by the name of the nearby town Olongapo, where all manner of delights could be sampled. In fact, in the words of one of my squadron mates, "down-town Olongapo is about as down-town as you are ever likely to get!" The following exchange took place between him and the 'D', [a very new fighter direction officer on board.] The aircraft suffered a Hydraulics failure, and the caption came up HYD1.

M2 from 107, I've got a HYD1, pigeons to Olongapo.

Say again 107!

[With more emphasis] M2, 107 I've got a HYD1, immediate pigeons to Olongapo.

Roger 107, pigeons 060/40.

The young D then phoned up Cmdr Air saying, Sir the wee Jocks' gone mad, he says he's got a hard on a needs a diversion to Olongapo!!

Well, it was funny at the time. Keep the tales coming please folks.

[RRAAMJET]

Q. to certain VIP of very purple lineage:
"Are you looking forward to your trip to Nigeria next month, Sir?"
Reply:
"I don't mind meeting Nigerians as long as it's in bloody London"

That would be a 'no', then...

[amb_211085]

Brilliant thread.

Not so long ago, whilst undertaking Initial Sea Training in the mighty 'O' a rather unfortunate OC happened to lose his name badge. This fellow is not the brightest spark, and after the Captain mentioned the loss of his name badge, he decided to make a new one. All he could find was a sheet of A4 paper upon which he wrote his name in giant letters. Walking back to the mess deck in nothing but a pair of shorts, he happened upon the Captain, held up his new name badge, pointed to it saying 'Got me a new badge now Skip'!!

-----------

A friend was on exchange to E'cole Navale (sp?). On his first morning there, he parade with the rest of the college for Colours. As is tradition in the RN, he saluted and wondered why the French Navy did not salute. He later discovered that they "are not allowed to salute their Ensign as a result of losing at Traf". Talk about rubbing their face in it!

[Pontius Navigator]

French tourists on HMS Victory to Bootie guide:

"Are zees the cannon balls zat were used at Trafalgar?"

"No Sir, the French Navy kept all those."

[exscribbler]

When #2 son was at BRNC in the late 90s his best mate spent a day as Commander's Doggy. He was provided with a List of Duties most of which he managed quite well being a very polite public school boy and a doctor's son to boot.

Late in the afternoon, he approached #2 son, showed him the List and said, "Help me here, Skip; what does a Polish telescope look like..."

[EmpireOne]

Lost Thread (I wish I hadn't said that)

Please help.

I have tried (in vain) to use the forum search engine to find an old thread called 'I wish I hadn't said that'. It started back in about 2000 or 2001 and ran for quite a long period in the Mil Aircrew forum.

I would be very grateful if someone could point in the right direction to re-visit this very funny thread. I will be quite saddened if this gem has been lost or dropped from the archive.

Thanks in advance for your help.

EO

Happy to bring it back to the top

[Foxy Loxy]

Lost thread

.... found here! Lots of other stuff there too.

http://www.pprune.org/forums/archive...p/t-48116.html

I think you'll find, though, that if you start at page one of this thread, and check the dates.....

Foxy

[taxydual]

Rank recognition

Topcliffe, early 80's. RAF training Royal Navy to fly on an Army Base.

RAF Flt Sgt B***e stood in the middle of the Bulldog line watching the see off's.

Enter Army major (with obligatory dog), being rather unsure of where to go, the Major calls to the Flt Sgt.

Maj: "Staff Sergeant."

Flt Sgt ignores the Major.

Maj: calls again (but louder) "Staff Sergeant, Staff Sergeant"

Flt Sgt ignores the Major.

At this point the Major takes his life (and his dog's life) in his hands and marches across the apron, dodges between the taxying Bulldogs and collars the Flt Sgt.

Maj: "Staff Sergeant, did you not hear me calling you?

Flt Sgt: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant"

Maj: "If you were in this Regiment, you would be a Staff Sergeant"

At this, Flt Sgt B***e responded

"No Sir, if I was in your Regiment, I would be a lieutenant Colonel"

[goudie]

Whilst I was gliding at Bicester in the '60s my wife was offered a flight (only flown in Brit.) in a Blanik glider, stooging around at 4000ft or so the pilot asked if she was enjoying it, 'well it's a bit boring' she replied. Pilot then carries out a few aerobatic manouvres 'how's that?' he asked. 'Can we land now' came the faint reply. Turns out the pilot was a member of the 'Reds' and obviously wasn't used to being told his flying was boring.

[EmpireOne]

Foxy or whoever did the electronic magic, thank you very much......morale gauge is top of the green, although this will no doubt be counter-productive as far as anything other than reading pprune goes.

Anyway, just to keep it alive:

Mate (in lead) returning to field in 3 x B206 formation sortie requests initial & pitch for 09. ATC comes back quick as a flash with "K*****s Red, Cleared initial & pitch runway 09, report on base or ops normal by time three zero".

[BEagle]

Was that B206 as in Beagle Basset B206:

Or were you referring to some clattering things?

[Exnomad]

B206

My brother was based in Germany flying senior officers and VIPs to Northolt in the twilight of his career. The B206 replaced Pembrokes and were unpopular with the passengers because they had to sit in the same cabin as the driver.

[xrba]

An old chestnut, but I was fortunate to have been able to say it myself.

At Chivenor, about 35 years ago, a senior officer was in the bar on Friday night, surrounded by acolytes, who were fawning over his recently acquired MB tie for a controlled ejection. Friends, old squadron mates of mine currently flying the B206, were with me, so, whilst purchasing a beer or three, I was able to quietly mention at the bar that there was a Beagle Basset navigator sitting in the corner who says he's got a dressing gown, made of that material!

[His ejection experiences were the stuff of legend, but they are another story.]

[EmpireOne]

BEagle

No, sadly I was referring to the clattering type of B206 made by Bell, but looking at that aircraft in the picture, the story could equally have applied

EO