I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
Dmitri Zotov
By the way does anyone remember the drama that he caused when he flew his glider across the Irish sea from NI and landed at some secure place in Cumbria? I think that was his biggest claim to fame.
Last edited by Ben L; 30th Dec 2009 at 19:44.
Strictly, Zot flew across St Georges Channel, the narrow bit, not the Irish Sea. And I didn't know a bog in a Scottish glen was secure - just 6 inches deep in water. Retrieved to Kinloss on the back of a Mountain Rescue 3-ton truck, and caused some concern flying back commercial with his parachute as hand baggage.
I think one of his better 'claims to fame' was when he was at Boscombe on the Nimrod AEW project, the Winco Admin with a warped sense of humour gave him an appropriate secondary duty, so he could introduce him to visiting Americans as 'Dmitri Victorovich Zotov, our security officer'. This fell rather flat because most of the septics had even stranger names.
I think one of his better 'claims to fame' was when he was at Boscombe on the Nimrod AEW project, the Winco Admin with a warped sense of humour gave him an appropriate secondary duty, so he could introduce him to visiting Americans as 'Dmitri Victorovich Zotov, our security officer'. This fell rather flat because most of the septics had even stranger names.
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The Major and the Corporal
During WW II a young Major was sent to inspect a Home Guard (Dad's Army) unit. In the front rank there was an elderly Corporal, wearing three rows of medals, and with uniform and boots that would have passed muster in the Brigade of Guards. The conversation went:
"Splendid turnout Corporal, most commendable."
"Thank you sir."
You have obviously seen some action, which service were you in?"
"The Royal Navy, sir."
"Splendid! And what rank did you achieve?"
"Rear Admiral, Sir."
Ouch!
"Splendid turnout Corporal, most commendable."
"Thank you sir."
You have obviously seen some action, which service were you in?"
"The Royal Navy, sir."
"Splendid! And what rank did you achieve?"
"Rear Admiral, Sir."
Ouch!
Not just dad's Army, Neppy ...
....apologies for a little bit of thread drift. In Naples in the mid '80s there was PFC in the US Army southern region signals regiment who had been the CO until not long before I got there. I mentioned to my US Army colleague that I was slightly puzzled by the age of the PFC and the deference shown by the Capt who was his boss in the interminable meetings we used to have. He explained that the Colonel had come up to retirement age and asked if he could stay in service and in Naples. Not as a Colonel he was told. OK as what then?
PFC he was told. "I can live with that" he said and stayed. All the USN guys I worked with thought it was very odd and not entirely the done thing. Mind you they couldn't get their heads round Spec Aircrew either. "You mean you can go on flying till you're 55?"
The Ancient Mariner
PFC he was told. "I can live with that" he said and stayed. All the USN guys I worked with thought it was very odd and not entirely the done thing. Mind you they couldn't get their heads round Spec Aircrew either. "You mean you can go on flying till you're 55?"
The Ancient Mariner
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Just been reading through the thread I saw post 718 and J's ejection.-I recall the Gp Capt Cowpat incident-indeed, the number of IWIHST stories about him and exercises would fill a whole thread. The best two for me were as DISTAFF hoax phone calling him as "The Red Hand of Ulster" and his not having made a note of anything the caller said, and with the connivance of OC Arm Eng (now I think a 2*) putting an exercise letter bomb through the system - oily patch, wire, unequal weight,etc, and picked up every time until it was in the CoC. Said to Stn Cdr, could he hang on and we'd demo to the execs. "No" he said, "it's addressed to me", and as he opened it with a flourish with his dinghy knife, it burst into flames! Ho, ho!!
Last edited by Wander00; 25th Nov 2009 at 07:29.
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Question phrasing
It was time for the SNCOs to come in for their annual chat. One man arrives in the office. Interview goes something like:-
'How do you think you performed this year?'
'Pretty good, as always.' Dead pan expression. I think the term 'hard to read' comes to mind.
'Well, what figures do you expect?'
I hear 'Three eights, again.' Spoken with no emotion.
'What?' Raised voice, cannot contain surprise, (interview technique?) ' What do you mean three eights?'
Immediate response, 'Well, the Wing Commander 'ates me, the Squadreon Leader 'ates me and I don't think I am your favourite either. Anything else?'
I have to admit when he left and I thought what he said, I had a good chuckle.
'How do you think you performed this year?'
'Pretty good, as always.' Dead pan expression. I think the term 'hard to read' comes to mind.
'Well, what figures do you expect?'
I hear 'Three eights, again.' Spoken with no emotion.
'What?' Raised voice, cannot contain surprise, (interview technique?) ' What do you mean three eights?'
Immediate response, 'Well, the Wing Commander 'ates me, the Squadreon Leader 'ates me and I don't think I am your favourite either. Anything else?'
I have to admit when he left and I thought what he said, I had a good chuckle.
Wattisham, last year of the Phantom, AOC 11 Gp enjoying a week of refresher flying. Sqn feeder u/s, so AOC's lunch being provided by the Mess (a 10 min drive).
Team lands from morning sortie, lead checks to see that AOC's sandwiches have arrived in time for the 'working lunch' debrief but finds job has not been done. Ops clerk is instructed: "Send the driver to the Mess NOW to pick up the AOC's sarnies!"
Debrief complete, still no driver, delay now reaching embarrassing proportions. Crewroom door eventually opens to reveal sweaty driver clutching tray of artfully arranged sandwiches.
"Where have you been?" asks lead.
"Sorry sir, I went to the Mess to pick up AVM Sarnies but I couldn't find him. I've got the AOC's lunch though!"
Driver exits stage left to howls of laughter from all players...
Team lands from morning sortie, lead checks to see that AOC's sandwiches have arrived in time for the 'working lunch' debrief but finds job has not been done. Ops clerk is instructed: "Send the driver to the Mess NOW to pick up the AOC's sarnies!"
Debrief complete, still no driver, delay now reaching embarrassing proportions. Crewroom door eventually opens to reveal sweaty driver clutching tray of artfully arranged sandwiches.
"Where have you been?" asks lead.
"Sorry sir, I went to the Mess to pick up AVM Sarnies but I couldn't find him. I've got the AOC's lunch though!"
Driver exits stage left to howls of laughter from all players...
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Bread circa 1962/3
Start of a PTR 175 (anyone remember?) course at Yatesbury. (You need to be getting on to appreciate this ...)
All lined up, I'm beside a natty little suited 3 buttons done up corporal.
F/Sgt calls out names,
"Smith"
"Flight Sgt"
"Jones"
"Flt Sgt"
"Brown" (natty little Cpl)
"Don't say Brown, Flt Sgt, say 'Hovis'"
Collapse of line up.
All lined up, I'm beside a natty little suited 3 buttons done up corporal.
F/Sgt calls out names,
"Smith"
"Flight Sgt"
"Jones"
"Flt Sgt"
"Brown" (natty little Cpl)
"Don't say Brown, Flt Sgt, say 'Hovis'"
Collapse of line up.
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I rear ended a car that morning on the way to the base...
I knew it was going to be a REALLY bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT happy".
I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's when the fight started!!!
Alison
I knew it was going to be a REALLY bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT happy".
I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's when the fight started!!!
Alison
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Heard on The Shawbury station Tannoy in the late '80s...
Following the morning crash alarm test instead of:
"end of test, end of broadcast"
it was:
"end of test, end of breakfast"
We tended to have a constant barrage of fire alarms, normally in the storage hangars, but this was different:
"Fire, fire, fire, A fire has been reported in the Guardroom <pause whilst this sunk in> Sh!t that's here!"
Following the morning crash alarm test instead of:
"end of test, end of broadcast"
it was:
"end of test, end of breakfast"
We tended to have a constant barrage of fire alarms, normally in the storage hangars, but this was different:
"Fire, fire, fire, A fire has been reported in the Guardroom <pause whilst this sunk in> Sh!t that's here!"
Just another erk
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Back to the top
A couple of my own, but more of "I'm glad I said that"
Late sixties, I was in an MR Team, long weekend in the Lake District
Keswick, early morning, down with others to the stream to wash, (we did sometimes) a few of us down there, I strip of my shirt, nearly bare chest, a couple of hairs struggling to get through, Guy next to me looks at my chest, then at his own, not only got a thick mat on the chest but his back as well, says to me "Do you know what a chest like that means?" pointing at his own, "Yes" I reply "it means your closer to the monkey than I am"
Middle 90's about 95, Contracting in Manching, Bavaria, lots of Brits, C160's and start of AWACS,
We where all in our local watering hole, and naturally being as it was 90% brits most of the talk was English. East German fitter commented in English, "Dam forigneers coming over hear why don't they learn German, my comment back, " what do you mean Forigneers, wev'e been here since 1945, you only got here 1989.. He supped his beer and left
A couple of my own, but more of "I'm glad I said that"
Late sixties, I was in an MR Team, long weekend in the Lake District
Keswick, early morning, down with others to the stream to wash, (we did sometimes) a few of us down there, I strip of my shirt, nearly bare chest, a couple of hairs struggling to get through, Guy next to me looks at my chest, then at his own, not only got a thick mat on the chest but his back as well, says to me "Do you know what a chest like that means?" pointing at his own, "Yes" I reply "it means your closer to the monkey than I am"
Middle 90's about 95, Contracting in Manching, Bavaria, lots of Brits, C160's and start of AWACS,
We where all in our local watering hole, and naturally being as it was 90% brits most of the talk was English. East German fitter commented in English, "Dam forigneers coming over hear why don't they learn German, my comment back, " what do you mean Forigneers, wev'e been here since 1945, you only got here 1989.. He supped his beer and left
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Real Slow ..
Prompted by above, two slow uns..
My AFTS, QFI flew the Beverly, not generally known for its high transit speed. Told me this one mid instructional sortie, "Flying through France once when some fierce h/winds allowed careful study of various French trains as they sped past. Eventually they are handed over to London and pass standard report. Several minutes later following conversation with London Control.
LC: RAFAIR *** confirm a/c type
Bev: Beverly
LC: "Thank god for that, we thought you might be a Zepplin!"
Visiting Canada and met a DHC-4 Caribou crew. On the Shackleton taildragger at the time and moaning about long time to do anything.
Caribou crew listened patiently for a while and then:-
"At least you guys don't have to worry about a bird strike from behind!"
My AFTS, QFI flew the Beverly, not generally known for its high transit speed. Told me this one mid instructional sortie, "Flying through France once when some fierce h/winds allowed careful study of various French trains as they sped past. Eventually they are handed over to London and pass standard report. Several minutes later following conversation with London Control.
LC: RAFAIR *** confirm a/c type
Bev: Beverly
LC: "Thank god for that, we thought you might be a Zepplin!"
Visiting Canada and met a DHC-4 Caribou crew. On the Shackleton taildragger at the time and moaning about long time to do anything.
Caribou crew listened patiently for a while and then:-
"At least you guys don't have to worry about a bird strike from behind!"
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Not career enhancing ..
Student at 5 FTS. Present wife chatting to Staish who had just announced he was posted.
Wife: "What is your new posting?"
Staish: "I'm going to the Queens Flight."
Wife: "Oh, so you'll be one of the flunkeys that stands at the aircraft stairs when the Queen arrives."
Me: Choking sound followed quickly by recognition that career was probably not enhanced much ....
Wife: "What is your new posting?"
Staish: "I'm going to the Queens Flight."
Wife: "Oh, so you'll be one of the flunkeys that stands at the aircraft stairs when the Queen arrives."
Me: Choking sound followed quickly by recognition that career was probably not enhanced much ....
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One of the guys in our squadron took the job as head of tanker scheduling. One day he was being introduced to a new group and the commander said, "This is Capt Richard Smith, head of tanker scheduling." Smith said, "I prefer to be called Dick" After that he was always addressed as Dick, head of tanker scheduling.
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Originally Posted by ArthurR
Middle 90's about 95
Sorry Arthur, I couldn't resist, possibly one of those 'I wish I hadn't said that' moments?
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Oops..
Wildenrath circa 1990. Radar bay subject to brand new OC Eng's inspection (nobody from the bay had met or seen him). Bay entrance was locked (phantom radar secret spec). Anyway cue knock on the door, bay personnel prepared, blah. Door opened by a certain Welsh Flight Sergeant who was confronted by the usual flunkeys and hangers on and aforementioned brand new OC Eng who was (and is) a gentleman and also black as the ace of spades. In the split second of opening the door and processing what his eyes could see but not necessarily thinking before speaking, his salutation was "Howdy Doody Sir", to which, without batting an eyelid, the reply was "Howdy Doody Flight Sergeant". Top reply and a top bloke.
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Our small base is having a visit from a Chinook. Our ex 18(B) Sqn Boss with hundreds of hours on Wessexes and more recently Chinooks stands up at breakfast and announced to all us students:
"Ah, I can hear the sound of the mighty Chinook engines approaching."
Our hero looks behind him out the window and informs him:
"Actually that's the egg delivery van Sir."
The look on his face....
- a request - can you lot be a bit clearer with your posts, in the way of abbreviations and obscure references, for the enjoyment of those who aren't familiar with them.
"Ah, I can hear the sound of the mighty Chinook engines approaching."
Our hero looks behind him out the window and informs him:
"Actually that's the egg delivery van Sir."
The look on his face....
- a request - can you lot be a bit clearer with your posts, in the way of abbreviations and obscure references, for the enjoyment of those who aren't familiar with them.
Have the Lyneham trash-hauler drivers finally joined the rest of the RAF and now call "Final, gear down" (assuming that it is actually down), rather than their old "Finals, gear checked" nonsense?
When "Finals, 3 greens" was binned, along with "Finals, 4 greens" for bona mates and "Finals, 3 wheels" for F-4 mates whose jets didn't have red/green lights, everyone was supposed to use the new term "Final, gear down". But the Herk mob didn't seem to want to change.....
I once heard an old and crusty tower controller at the Covert Oxonian Aerodrome insist that some Herk-driver acknowledged that the landing gear was actually 'down' rather than 'checked' - and quite rightly too. I found out later that clearance would have been refused if the correct call hadn't been given, on the grounds that the controller wasn't about to let an aircraft land whose pilot couldn't state whether or not the landing gear was really down...
When "Finals, 3 greens" was binned, along with "Finals, 4 greens" for bona mates and "Finals, 3 wheels" for F-4 mates whose jets didn't have red/green lights, everyone was supposed to use the new term "Final, gear down". But the Herk mob didn't seem to want to change.....
I once heard an old and crusty tower controller at the Covert Oxonian Aerodrome insist that some Herk-driver acknowledged that the landing gear was actually 'down' rather than 'checked' - and quite rightly too. I found out later that clearance would have been refused if the correct call hadn't been given, on the grounds that the controller wasn't about to let an aircraft land whose pilot couldn't state whether or not the landing gear was really down...