I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
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Very third hand story... but here goes
Well known VIP visitor and his wife arrives early at certain RAF base 'somewhere in England'
Anxious to be hospitable VIP and missus asked if they would like anything - he wants a cuppa tea , she just says "I'll have a cake".
Tea was no problem - but in the early hours where do you get a cake? After much rushing around a very sorry looking Lemon Drizzle cake is found and presented to Mrs VIP.
"No" she says (imagine a very plummy accent here) .... "I wanted a Cakea-Cola"
...as I said, third hand story
Well known VIP visitor and his wife arrives early at certain RAF base 'somewhere in England'
Anxious to be hospitable VIP and missus asked if they would like anything - he wants a cuppa tea , she just says "I'll have a cake".
Tea was no problem - but in the early hours where do you get a cake? After much rushing around a very sorry looking Lemon Drizzle cake is found and presented to Mrs VIP.
"No" she says (imagine a very plummy accent here) .... "I wanted a Cakea-Cola"
...as I said, third hand story
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Marham, late 80s (allegedly). SAC taking short cut across sports pitch is spied by SWO.
SWO [yells]: Airman!!!
Airman [yells]: SWO!!
Airman then does a runner in opposite direction.
SWO [yells]: Airman!!!
Airman [yells]: SWO!!
Airman then does a runner in opposite direction.
Yes, Him
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Wittering 1974ish
SWO: "AIRMAN!"
SAC: "Yes Sir?"
Happened nearly every day.
Ah, well, a thread well worth reviving to offset the current doom and gloom.
SWO: "AIRMAN!"
SAC: "Yes Sir?"
Happened nearly every day.
Ah, well, a thread well worth reviving to offset the current doom and gloom.
RAFC Cranwell, No 1 Graduate Entry (allegedly) (1970?)
Day one of flying training, 1 Sqn, well known Prince of Welsh variety turns up slightly earlier than planned to find said sqn manned only by the cleaner, one J*hnny Nayl*r.
"Oh, who's in charge here?" quoth PoW
"I was, till you got 'ere.." came the reply.
Day one of flying training, 1 Sqn, well known Prince of Welsh variety turns up slightly earlier than planned to find said sqn manned only by the cleaner, one J*hnny Nayl*r.
"Oh, who's in charge here?" quoth PoW
"I was, till you got 'ere.." came the reply.
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A Herc captain whilst boarding points to his luggage on the pan and tells the loadie " Loadmaster, my luggage "
On arrival at some far flung place the captain is unable to find his cases
Captain " Loadie where are my suitcases ?"
To which the loadie replies " Probably still on the pan where you pointed them out "
On arrival at some far flung place the captain is unable to find his cases
Captain " Loadie where are my suitcases ?"
To which the loadie replies " Probably still on the pan where you pointed them out "
The loady would have got away with it but after the Nav commented on his bags being in the CO's end, the loady (John B) said : "Just as well you know people here, isn't it sir?"
Most amusing and very instructive for a young sergeant flt eng!
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Dartmouth in 1990 showing round some potential officers, guys and girls and watching the WRNS as they still were, for a few weeks at least, from Talbot division, on parade practice.
Watching from the ramps as a character of a Warrant Office H, put the ladies through their paces (slightly more appropriate than drilled!)
Anyway
3rd Officer M, (LCDR (Female)) looks on from the top of the steps and shouts to WO H
In a very plumy accent - ‘Excuse me Mr H, but I think you are being rather harsh on my girls’
“Parade Halt. Left turn, eyez right…” all that
‘Scuse me Ma’am, but you’s ‘ave 1 c*nt to look aft’er, I hav firty!’
“Tairrrrn’shun”
The 3rd officer would have complained, in fact tried to, but no occifer senior enough could be found either standing or not in the sick bay with chronic rib fatigue.
Watching from the ramps as a character of a Warrant Office H, put the ladies through their paces (slightly more appropriate than drilled!)
Anyway
3rd Officer M, (LCDR (Female)) looks on from the top of the steps and shouts to WO H
In a very plumy accent - ‘Excuse me Mr H, but I think you are being rather harsh on my girls’
“Parade Halt. Left turn, eyez right…” all that
‘Scuse me Ma’am, but you’s ‘ave 1 c*nt to look aft’er, I hav firty!’
“Tairrrrn’shun”
The 3rd officer would have complained, in fact tried to, but no occifer senior enough could be found either standing or not in the sick bay with chronic rib fatigue.
Red On, Green On
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Also at the College by the sea, in late 1978:
Petty Officer GI instructing a bunch of newish WRNS officer cadets.
"Stand at ease" - they moved their left foot about 2".
"I said Stand at Ease - open your legs - you've got nothing to lose"
As above, much hilarity all around
Petty Officer GI instructing a bunch of newish WRNS officer cadets.
"Stand at ease" - they moved their left foot about 2".
"I said Stand at Ease - open your legs - you've got nothing to lose"
As above, much hilarity all around
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RAF Guetersloh, 18(B) Sqn flight planning room circa '74; Sgt crewman being Staneval checked on a LL Navex:
C'man: That's 157 degrees - call it 160, 20.3 miles - call it 20, at 90 knots that's just over 13 mins call it 15.
Staneval C'man: That's a 'C' cat call it 'D' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh happy days on the 'real' 18(B) [Wessex] Sqn
C'man: That's 157 degrees - call it 160, 20.3 miles - call it 20, at 90 knots that's just over 13 mins call it 15.
Staneval C'man: That's a 'C' cat call it 'D' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh happy days on the 'real' 18(B) [Wessex] Sqn
C'man: That's 157 degrees - call it 160, 20.3 miles - call it 20, at 90 knots that's just over 13 mins call it 15.
Wittering 1966. The SWO had got his usual revenge on Victor Line Sqn. by nominating most of them for Guard of Honour, including an ethnic Nigerian electrician known to everyone as " Joe ".
Having all drawn arms, the SWO sized us into 3 ranks and " Joe " found himself in the rear rank. Enter a young Nav. Rad. who had lost the toss for O i/c GoH. He spotted "Joe" in the rear rank, pointed at him and told him to swap places with the man in the centre of the front rank.
" Tell you what, Sir, I have a better idea " replied Joe, " Why don't you put me on a lead and stand me in front of the band "
Having all drawn arms, the SWO sized us into 3 ranks and " Joe " found himself in the rear rank. Enter a young Nav. Rad. who had lost the toss for O i/c GoH. He spotted "Joe" in the rear rank, pointed at him and told him to swap places with the man in the centre of the front rank.
" Tell you what, Sir, I have a better idea " replied Joe, " Why don't you put me on a lead and stand me in front of the band "
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1980’s, TTTE, JnrRanks mess, AOC's inspection.
AOC walks into the mess at lunchtime with entourage and heads for 2 tables of FLM’s, much to OC caterings horror. “How’s the food lads?” Old FLM more related to ape than man ... “absolutely brilliant, sir” ... OC Catering beaming .... “I wish you were hear everyday, because when you not it’s f*cking ****!” ... OC Catering no longer beaming.
And I still remember his name to this day, (the FLM not the AOC.)
AOC walks into the mess at lunchtime with entourage and heads for 2 tables of FLM’s, much to OC caterings horror. “How’s the food lads?” Old FLM more related to ape than man ... “absolutely brilliant, sir” ... OC Catering beaming .... “I wish you were hear everyday, because when you not it’s f*cking ****!” ... OC Catering no longer beaming.
And I still remember his name to this day, (the FLM not the AOC.)
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Tangoe- I'm afraid the Dartmouth incident happened in 1992 (PO T**bull made the reply) and it was in response to the noise he was making as he put future Admirals through their paces. Sadly, I never made Admiral.
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Tangoe- I'm afraid the Dartmouth incident happened in 1992 (PO T**bull made the reply) and it was in response to the noise he was making as he put future Admirals through their paces. Sadly, I never made Admiral.
As I am sure your version is also true, there are many villages missing idiots, C's at the end of sticks and worms in the caps of those that were previously standing easy.
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Picture the scene between 62-65 at a well known RAF Station in Wiltshire.
As part of our job in SSQ we would be detailed as the 'Quarantine Controller' which required the checking of Inoculation Certificates for Aircrew & passengers. So one morning very early there I am on the Flight Deck of a Brit when I discover that the Skippers docs are out of date and he just happens to be the CO of the Sqdn. 'You can't go says I get off my Aircraft says he'. So I called out the SMO who arrived in his PJ's and promply parked his car in the middle of the Runway. Oh was I popular!
Same Station same job Saturday Afternoon Aircraft about to depart for Idris. One Pasenger docs out of date 'you can't go says I'. The skipper says 'If you can get it sorted we will wait'. Problem sorted Aircraft departs 10 minutes late and I get the thick end of an Ear bashing from Operations and a 'request' to submit my report as to why I delayed the depature in triplicate by 1700hrs.
Ah happy days and I haven't even mentioned about the day I set SSQ on fire!!
CS
As part of our job in SSQ we would be detailed as the 'Quarantine Controller' which required the checking of Inoculation Certificates for Aircrew & passengers. So one morning very early there I am on the Flight Deck of a Brit when I discover that the Skippers docs are out of date and he just happens to be the CO of the Sqdn. 'You can't go says I get off my Aircraft says he'. So I called out the SMO who arrived in his PJ's and promply parked his car in the middle of the Runway. Oh was I popular!
Same Station same job Saturday Afternoon Aircraft about to depart for Idris. One Pasenger docs out of date 'you can't go says I'. The skipper says 'If you can get it sorted we will wait'. Problem sorted Aircraft departs 10 minutes late and I get the thick end of an Ear bashing from Operations and a 'request' to submit my report as to why I delayed the depature in triplicate by 1700hrs.
Ah happy days and I haven't even mentioned about the day I set SSQ on fire!!
CS
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Things I wish I hadn't said
I suppose telling the British Ambassador's daughter at a do her dad was paying for (in Addis Abbaba), that 'Hey you've got a better moustache than our navigator' probably doesn't go down as a good career move.
Irony was, when we returned to Lyneham, the boss met the aircraft to tell me I'd got accelerated promotion 'unless you can think of a reason not to . . . '
Oh dear. Self control is soluble in alcohol - especially when it's brandy-sours.
Irony was, when we returned to Lyneham, the boss met the aircraft to tell me I'd got accelerated promotion 'unless you can think of a reason not to . . . '
Oh dear. Self control is soluble in alcohol - especially when it's brandy-sours.
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COC - Bordom Relief
During a SCOTADEX at Leuchars we were sat bored rigid in the COC when the Control of Entry phone rang. The WRAF Cpl who picked it up suddenly went white and then started shouting, "The Russians are here, the Russians are here!". The WO cool as you like took the phone from her and after listening intently to the caller, replaced the handset and tanoyed to the rest of the COC, "The Rations have arrived, breakfast in 10 mins!". Priceless!
Changi Creek Transit Mess, Late '60s
Passengers, mostly families, waiting to be taken to board VC 10 to U.K. Large no. of 205 Sqn in the bar to see off one of our number.
WRAF Movements Officer gets on the P.A. and announces that " owing to modifications being done to the VC 10 galley, only light snacks will be served in flight. However, hot meals will be served between the legs."
Roar of approval from 205. She goes bright red, locks herself in the ladies loo, and leaves her corporal to herd everyone onto the buses.
Packed Scruff's Bar, St. Mawgan, Late 70's.
Station Padre ( who was in there so often that it was also known as the station chapel) was heard to say in a lull in the conversation. " Of course my boss is coming down next week."
Lull turns into complete silence. " Oh, not Him, I meant the Group Captain Padre from MOD " Conversation slowly resumes.
Passengers, mostly families, waiting to be taken to board VC 10 to U.K. Large no. of 205 Sqn in the bar to see off one of our number.
WRAF Movements Officer gets on the P.A. and announces that " owing to modifications being done to the VC 10 galley, only light snacks will be served in flight. However, hot meals will be served between the legs."
Roar of approval from 205. She goes bright red, locks herself in the ladies loo, and leaves her corporal to herd everyone onto the buses.
Packed Scruff's Bar, St. Mawgan, Late 70's.
Station Padre ( who was in there so often that it was also known as the station chapel) was heard to say in a lull in the conversation. " Of course my boss is coming down next week."
Lull turns into complete silence. " Oh, not Him, I meant the Group Captain Padre from MOD " Conversation slowly resumes.